Would you like a Parenting Forum?

Do you frequent any parenting forums?

Would you like to see a RaisingSmallSouls parenting forum?

If you don’t know what a forum is, here is a new one of my favorites, specifically for moms: www.momstalkforum.com.

If you would like to see a forum, what categories would be of interest to you, in addition to the categories within the left sidebar?

Thanks!

“All of the flowers, of all the tomorrows, begin with the seeds of TODAY!”

~Ellen

P.S. Over the past 2 weeks (only 6 weeks since the launch of RaisingSmallSouls) my email volume has skyrocketed! Each day I have 50+ individual parenting questions. It would take me most of my free time just to read the emails, never mind contemplating and then writing out replies! So, I hope you all understand that I created a generic email that I will be using to respond to individual questions right now, so that I can remain an attentive mom for my children! I truly wish I could personally answer each question, however I have not yet figured out how to get more than 24 hours into my day! That’s why I thought a forum could be the answer- what do you think?

Guessing Games

Seven-year-old Joey likes to play guessing games.

Each evening, when I put the kids to sleep there’s this period of time they’ve named “hugs and kisses time”. Joey and Jacob share a room, however they alternate going to sleep in the master bedroom, and my husband or I move that child when we go to sleep- so that they are in seperate rooms and actually go to sleep instead of giggling until the wee hours of the morning! Ben has his own room, so I make the rounds to 3 different rooms, give the “hugs and kisses” and talk about each child’s day with him.

Joey always asks me to guess what he did during recess. He has 3 recesses, so I generally say, “Soccer, kickball, catch”. He will laughingly respond, “You mixed up the order and got two wrong; it was kickball, allumination, punchball!”

Lately, he’s started asking to guess things about me, and guessing my breakfast and lunch has become a standard part of his “hugs and kisses time”. It goes something like this:

Me: For breakfast I had oatmeal, yogurt, or Kashi cerial.

Joey: Oatmeal

Me: Nope, Yogurt!

Both of us: Laughter!!!

After guessing both my breakfast and lunch, he sometimes asks to guess what time I’ll be going to sleep. I always give the choices of, “10, 11, or 12″

Tonight, he guessed 11, and I told him he was right.

So what am I doing fully dressed in front of the computer over an hour later?

I wonder if he thinks I always go to bed the time I tell him that I intend to.

I hope he never finds this blog when he grows older:)

And now… Good night!

Purple Handprint and Missing Numbers!

Well, I haven’t even turned the light on in my office as I was not planning to do much more than check my email, when I realized that there are some important updates you need to know about RaisingSmallSouls.com!

The first one is really cool, if I may say so myself, and I’m referring to the purple handprint that shows up on your Firefox tab, and in both Firefox and Internet Explorer’s browser, after you have saved this site in your favorites.

Take a look. Neat, isn’t it? Now, be grateful you don’t need to wash purple paint off a little darling’s hand right now. Well, perhaps you do;)

Now, the important stuff regarding this parenting advice site: There are no more numbers in the links the articles in this posts.

In the past, in order to leave feedback regarding the Animal School Movie, you would have gone to a link that looked like this: http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/26/animal-school-feedback/

As of today, the post will look like this: http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/animal-school-feedback/

So, if you pull up an old email or link, simply delete the “/” and the number, and you’ll be right where you belong:-)

Since I hadn’t planned to write a post, I’ll be heading back upstairs to clean the kitchen- TTYL!

P.S. While surfing earlier I found a hilarious blog created by moms! (Not sure if dads are allowed?) Check it out: http://www.mommybloggers.com/

Smile! Family Portraits!

Yesterday we went to JC Penny and took family pictures!

I had been planning to take my sons for ages… yet I kept procrastinating. Yesterday my husband had the afternoon off, so I made an appointment, dressed the boys in solid-color T-shirts, and off we went!

I had a coupon, so in the end I purchased one of every pose- a family portrait, a photo of my husband and me, and an individual of each of the three kids. Perhaps I’ll make it into a decorative collage, combining all of the images together- if I’m in the creative mood!

I’ll post the pictures when they’re ready, shortly.

Are you a scrapbooker? How are you at keeping your family albums up-to-date? Is it a project of your own, or does your partner or child help you?
{I’m terribly embarrassed to admit that I’m about 3 years behind:( }

How To Engrave ‘Say-No-To-Drugs’ on Your Child’s Mind- Starting when They’re Young!

Let’s face it; drugs and alcohol have the ability to rob you of your children. Access to illegal substances is absurdly simple for teenagers. Clearly, young lives are being ruined by the thousands as a result of these harmful addictions.

Think of the time you have already put into raising your child. Think of the effort. The energy. And the money. What wouldn’t you do to protect your child from harmful influences!?

Teaching your kids about the dangers of teen alcoholism and drug addiction early on is invaluable, as it could shape their minds in a way where they will try to avoid these temptations when they become teenagers.

What if there was an effective means of combating the influence of social and peer pressures, and giving your child the tools to avoid detrimental habits and addictions?

Take a step back, and examine the reason why teenage addicts turned to substance abuse. In virtually every case, the child was running away from a problem; a family dilemma, social issue, or predicament in school.

The obvious question is this:

Every teenager faces some complications; why was this particular teen unable to cope with his problem; why did he feel compelled to run away from the predicament and escape to a world of addiction?

The answer, just as obviously, is that the child did not know how to deal with disappointment. In all probability, he is not at fault; rather the culture around him can be blamed.

The need to eliminate disappointment is a reflection of today’s social norms. Recall the commercials featuring a man suffering from severe heartburn after eating a slice of pizza. The next clip shows the same guy polishing off a double-cheeseburger, smiling calmly at the camera as he holds a bottle of white pills that eliminated the symptoms of heartburn. Have you ever wondered what kind of message that sends our children?

Simply stated, the moral of the commercial is this: You do not need to endure pain!

Similar advertisements for depression drugs or even pain-relieving pills abound. While I would never discourage you from swallowing some Excedrin to rid yourself of a headache, the reality is that we are living in an unprecedented age of ‘I-should-not-feel-any-pain’.

In fact, some medications are detrimental to reducing a fever, because the higher temperature of the body caused by the fever is actually the vehicle that kills the infection. Popping pills to reduce a fever can sometimes cause the illness to last longer in one’s body.

And so it is with the mind and soul.

Regular pill-popping to reduce heartburn can cause you to ignore the benefits of healthy eating in favor the immediate taste and sensation of pizza and fries.

Swallowing depression-alleviating-tablets can cause you to bypass the source of the sadness, and focus only on eliminating the unpleasant symptoms.

Banishing symptoms can definitely make you feel better. Yet, overlooking the cause of the symptoms virtually guarantees that newer and more dangerous symptoms will definitely arise.

It might be the heart attack due to the blocked arteries stuffed with hamburger remnants, which you were able to eat since your pill eliminated the heartburn. Or, it could be the breakup of a marriage due to nagging feelings of low-self-esteem that had been effectively swept under the carpet by depression medication.

The fuse will blow when overloaded by multiple appliances because it is not a good idea for the electricity to overheat and cause a fire. Some people react to a blown fuse by turning off some of their gadgets. Others prefer to ignore the hot fuse, slight aroma of smoke, and singed wires, and keep restarting the fuse until it will no longer operate.

Symptoms are warning bells being sounded. The ringing of the bells are not the problems; the cause of their chiming is the true issue.

Drug and alcohol usage is a piercing cry for help. The cause of the cry, not its decibel level, must be addressed. Just as you would not tinker with the fire-house’s bell to battle a raging fire, do not make the mistake of exclusively addressing the addiction when dealing with a teenager in distress.

The child who is addicted to harmful substances has not learned to deal with disappointment. Life’s sorrows have overwhelmed her ability to handle distress; therefore she turned to the bottle.

Disappointments come in all shapes and sizes. They begin at birth, when an infant leaves the comfort of the womb with a heart-wrenching cry. Lead an optimistic, cheerful family, yet teach your child to expect and realize that life is far from perfect. Allow him to mourn the stolen bicycle or broken toy without rushing out to immediately purchase a replacement to assuage his tears.

When a young child is given the time to mourn, and the gentle touch of comfort to help her through the loss of her favorite doll carriage, she learns a valuable life lesson; how to deal with sadness. She will develop the category in her brain that will serve as a reference to mourn, express sadness, accept the disappointment, and then move onward. She will access this essential skill when she is teased about her braces, dumped by her boyfriend, dismissed from the softball team, and rejected by the college of her choice.

The ability to mourn, accept heartache, and resolutely move ahead is what sets apart the teenagers who thrive from the ones who are slaves to addictions. The children who were taught to deal with the unfortunate events that are part of the package we call ‘life’ will definitely encounter bumps as they grow up. However, they have the strength of character and emotional wherewithal to dust themselves off, and get back on their feet. The other children, who were spoiled by always having Mom or Dad wipe their tears away, handed sweets or expensive toys to wash away the memory of a disappointing event, will be headed for trouble in their teen years. When the cookie or new plaything is no longer able to wash away their sadness, they will be on the lookout for something bigger to allay their distress. And it will be all too easy for them to find it.

So, when your three-year-old cries over the broken red crayon, hold him and say, “I know, sweetie, you really liked that crayon, and now it’s broken. Sometimes disappointing things just happen.” Resist the urge to say, “Oh, Sweetie, don’t worry, Mommy is going to buy you a new crayon right away!” Perhaps you will buy him another crayon; whether you do so or not is totally irrelevant. The important, essential point is that he learned that sad things happen, and they need to be accepted.

It’s a fact  In the course of a happy childhood, the ability to deal with sadness when the child is young, will prevent the scathing pain of addiction when the child has grown older.

When we raise our children we are not looking for the quick-fix pill, rather, for the healing touch that endures forever.

Is your teen afflicted with drug addiction? Find answers before it’s too late.

Plastic Cup Activity for Children!

Activity for Kids

How To End Temper Tantrums

I will never forget the man whom I met at my in-law’s home last year. Standing at six-feet tall, with broad shoulders, and a hardened military expression of seriousness on his face, he appeared intimidating- even to me. Then I heard that he used to work in a top-secret government job, and on 9/11 his finger was poised on the button, waiting for the President’s word to press it and cause nuclear havoc. His noticeably expectant wife stood at his side, along with several other couples in the living room. A woman entered the room with a whimpering baby and seated herself on the couch. The baby’s whimpering grew louder, and despite his mother’s best attempts to quiet him, he erupted in full-fledged wailing. Mom gave him a bottle, rocked him, and stuck a pacifier in his little mouth, all to no avail- the crying grew louder each moment. Mr. Military had fearful expression on his face as he watched the baby screaming.

My mother-in-law asked him, “You’re nervous about having a baby, aren’t you?”

Mr. Military’s pursed lips parted to state, “Actually, terrified would be the word.”

While our family enjoys laughing about the humorous incident, the truth remains that childrens screaming can unnerve the most rational and calm adult. Tantrums can turn a seasoned business negotiator into a piece of mush wrapped around a two-year-old’s finger.

While there are many things that can be done in a setting of peacefulness, either before or after the tantrum, to alleviate this issue, this article will only address what to do during the time of flared tempers.

There are 3 keys to eliminating tantrums:

1) Crystal-clear communication

2) Being consistent

3) Being firm. Do not get manipulated!

Oftentimes, parents feel out of control at home, due to their stressful lifestyle. When a child erupts in a tantrum, a battle of power ensues, where the parent is intent on “winning” in order to preserve his or her sense of dominion. It is essential to avoid power struggles at all costs; make a decision to view the screaming child as a neighbor’s kid for a few moments, so that your ego will not be tied into this battle.

“I will not talk to you while you are screaming,” is a standard statement that can be tailored to suit your particular needs during a tantrum. Other variations include, “I want to speak with you, darling, but I can’t when you are screaming” or “Can you ask for the blue bike in a calm voice so that I can answer you?”

Sooner or later your child will realize that screaming is not an effective means to achieve his goals. You may have to repeat, “I’ll be glad to talk to you when you’ve finished crying” forty times, but eventually he will say, “Please can I have the blue bike.”

At this point, you must be consistent with the standpoint you originally had, prior to the outbreak of the tantrum. Even if you are ready to drive across the country for a “blue bike” to quiet him, the importance of your consistency cannot be overestimated.

Just because he finally asked nicely does not mean that he will get what he wants. You will likely say, “Sweetie, I understand that you want the blue bike, I’m sorry, I cannot give the blue bike to you now.” This is an essential part of your child’s learning process. He will not get his heart’s desires simply from speaking properly. The blue bike may belong to his sister who is presently riding it, or it may be broken and dangerous to ride until a screw has been tightened.

At this point, it is quite possible that the screaming will begin anew. However, your reaction to the ensuing tantrum must be the same. The goal is to teach him to stop screaming, not to give him whatever he wants. Your responses will echo what we discussed above, “Darling, I would like to talk to you when you have finished screaming”.

The difficulty of implementing these solutions in everyday life is fully understandable. When the phone is ringing, and two children are having a chocolate-milk fight in the other room, it is hard to remember these rules! However, if you think about this process beforehand, and work it out in our minds prior to the occurrence of the next tantrum, you can begin improving some of the time. You may improve 10 or 20% of the time, and several weeks from now react according to these rules 70 or 80% of the time. The main point is that whatever you can do that is an improvement on the past is going to be beneficial for your children.

No parent is perfect, and nobody can correct a detrimental pattern of reactions overnight. Yet taking steps, even baby steps, towards proper handling of temper tantrums will definitely cause their frequency to decrease. As you work on following through on these rules, you will find it easier to maintain this reaction, even in the middle of total chaos.

And when your child recognizes that when he speaks appropriately, even if he did not get what he desired, he was listened to and understood and empathized with, he will become encouraged to act more reasonably next time!

For more help dealing with tantrums, read The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums, and Tears

Subscribe to Comments- New Feature

There is a new box at the bottom of the articles throughout RaisingSmallSouls that will allow you to subscribe to comments for that particular article. This feature will come in handy when you ask a question- you’ll be notified when an answer has been posted! Or, if a certain parenting topic is one that you are facing now, subscribe to the comments for that article, and you may gain new insights and ideas!

Jacob is due home any minute, and I want to get a lasanga in the oven before that, so I’ll sign off for now:)

24-Hours of Peace-&-Quiet

“Twenty-Four-Hours of Peace-&-Quiet!”

To download your free copy of the unique coloring book consisting of optical illusions and geometrical shapes, follow the link below.

P.S. Please feel free to pass the link on to your friends:)

http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/coloring.html

P.S.S. Scroll down to read other parents’ feedback, and please leave yours!

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What do you write in a personal blog?

May 10, 2006 by Ellen C. Braun  
Filed under Get to know Ellen

4 Comments

Well, I’ve been neglectful in this category- for good reason, I’ve been focusing on the rest of the site:)

We got back from home from Florida 2 weeks ago, and that was an incredible vacation! There was a ‘day-camp’ in the hotel that Joey (7) and Jacob (5) really enjoyed. Ben (3) preferred to hang out with me, so we had a lot of fun. I did not miss cooking and cleaning while I was there; however I was totally aware that that was a “bubble of reality”- and not the way I’d really like to lead my life!

Now, what does one write about in a personal blog? I’m a fairly private person, so this type of “online journaling” is new to me.

We’re going to Brooklyn, NY for the weekend to my husband’s cousin’s Bar-Mitzvah. The boys are really excited, and being a forward-thinking mom, I plan to buy 2 new story tapes today for use on the four-hour drive, so they stay relatively calm and quiet!

Yesterday I spoke to a former co-worker of mine who, believe it or not, has a dozen children! Each child is a gem- this is one phenomenal mom! I asked her advice regarding a certain parenting matter, and she told me that my instincts had been correct. She also told me that my kids would be the greatest benefactors in my involvement in this parenting site, which was very heartening! Your children, too, will benefit from the time you spend here… so relax, and leave a few comments and questions!

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