A typical day… is pretty sad
by Ellen C. Braun
Filed under Communication
I once read an account of the typical conversations that occur between parent and child in the course of an average day.
If a recording were to be made of the interaction between a parent and their child, it would look something like this:
“Take your feet off the couch.”
“Food belongs in the kitchen.”
“Get your shoes on already.”
“Be careful with the milk.”
“Hurry up!”
“Don’t yell.”
“Let me pour the milk for you.”
“We’re late, hurry!”
“Food belongs in the kitchen.”
“Oh! Look at the mess you made!”
“Here’s a towel, clean it up.”
“What do you mean, you can’t find your shoes?”
“Did you brush your teeth?”
“Where was the other shoe?”
“Finish up, we’ve gotta go!”
“Talk to your sister nicely.”
“Get your coat on.”
“I SAID DON’T YELL!”
What can I say? Way too sad for any comments.
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This is very true! I also have all of the kids clothes set out the night before, shoes, backpacks ready, lunches made. This helps a lot! One of our biggest problems is that a lot of time the teachers at school don’t communicate to each hother. On one day, my son in 8th grade had 5 tests and 50 notes cards for his Science project all due at once. My younger son, 5th grade, had 3 tests, a project about the Inuit Indian tribe, and my daughter had her high school mid-terms, again all of this was on one day! I know what the teachers were trying to do, they needed to get their grades before the end of the quarter! Any suggestions as to what would help? I spoke to the principle and he said that he would bring up the over load at the next metting. Most of this was given to us on a Monday (they bring home a ‘Looking at this week” calender each Monday ~ everything was due on Thursday)
This has prompted me to be careful with the interactions with my children to make sure that our conversation are not as limited as the ones above.
Hey All,
Well, my mornings were rough until I decided to do something a little different. My son (3)and daughter (6) and I love to hear happy music at the beginning of the day and this really gets them moving. So put on a little music for them to get moving to and the incentive is a great song in their head throughout their day. Also reward them as soon as you look at the clock in the vehicle (if you don’t have one get one) and say “look guys you got ready on time…GREAT JOB!!” and cheer loudly for the neighbors to hear!
ALWAYS WORKS!! And then my daughter has a great day and my son is in a happy mood when we come back home.
Good Luck.
Kyla
I can’t believe this is the article for today. This morning I got in the shower and started by praying and saying positive affirmations and of course the one thing I said I WAS NOT GOING TO DO TODAY WAS “YELL”! Well, this am did go better and I did not YELL as much (only twice). It was on the front of my mind as I was trying to get the kids ready for school and finish myself for work. I was yelling on the inside but the kids did not know it. It did make me feel better as I was driving to work rather than rehashing in my mind what I wish I has not said or done this morning before I dropped them off at daycare or school. Maybe the kids were happier this morning, I know I didn’t feel like such a bad mom.
For many of us who are now parents, we told ourselves that we would try our best to be the best parent a child could possibly have. Although, when we finally become one, it is then that we see just how difficult it can be to raise a child. We tend to make the mistakes our parents made when we were once children. With guidance, support, encouragement, faith, and time, we realize those mistakes and with each day passing, we progress. For me, everyday is a learning process for me, my husband and our four children. As parents we must remember that just as we try to make our children understand us, we must try to understand them as well. As a family, working together, and planning ahead of time for the events that happen ahead, life would be so much easier. Thanks for sharing such true experiences that people go through. We’re all human!!
I can relate to some of that. I tell mine to hurry up alot. I hurry myself alot too. Our conversations do differ a little from the script. We do talk and I know her favorite things, and she knows mine. I know that this is such a hurry up world. Simplicity is the only answer I can see that will fix the problem for me. Taking inventory, and keeping it simple and organized, will make a major difference in how hurried we are.
Of course everyone’s mornings can be as described but in our house my husband and I both spend quality morning time with our son (5). My husband gets up showers and has breakfast with Curtis and then he comes upsatirs and we snuggle while we watch a cartoon and then we start our day. This helps uss all to be less stressed in the morning.
Helen,
Too much in a hurry can be harmful not only to the childern but to the parents as well. Tomorrow’s plan can start from today. One can run into trouble if proper care or plan is not made.
In your e-mail linking to this post, you questioned whether “quality time” is a thing of the past. In my experience, and after reading this post, my opinion is that “quantity time” is what is really lacking between parents and their children in today’s fast-paced society. The true quality time occurs in the midst of quantity time together as a family. Also, although there maybe be rushed moments and times when harsh or unkind words are said in an impatient matter, when quantity time is shared together, these moments are often overshadowned by the numerous sweet moments, where loving words abound.
I used to have meltdowns from my 4 year old every morning. We finally figured out that she was so hungry when she woke up. We’d let her snack on some cereal soon after getting up or in the car as we are dropping my husband to catch his bus. Then when we get home the girls would have their regular breakfast. This made a huge difference. When you think about it most kids eat and snack all day. They have high metabolisms. Sleeping 8-9 hours mean that little body needs a lot more fuel. Hope this helps someone out there as it has change horrible mornings into pretty good ones.
Whoa, now…EVERY morning is a challenge. I am a single mom of a high performance 9 year old girl. I’m a type A person. Very organized, clothes are laid out the night before, etc. My problem is that my child is rude, disrespectful, and if I say, hurry (in any tone), she slows down. I feel like EVERY morning is a power struggle with her. I take the time to try and talk to her calmly, but she pushes back, EVERY day I’m late for work because I don’t want to leave the house like that. Every day we end up leaving the house like that otherwise, every day we would never leave. I think I’m looking through the window of the teen years too early. Suggestions anyone?
great discussion!
it is really inspiring to listen to all the parents giving their best!
thanks,
anne jolles
I’m seeing a huge variety in the postings here. Rest, sleep, quality-of-sleep, are issues for sure. And some people require less sleep, and others require more. Who knows why? But who cares? Recognizing who the parents are and who your children are is what matters. I’ve got 2 boys (7 and 5) that can easily clock 11 hours of sleep every day, and yet they still fight us for going to bedtime! It’s hilarious (in retrospect
. They’re just feeling cheated by life because they see what’s available in the world and they want this, that, and the other thing, but when you’re a long sleeper, it’s just who you are, and by definition, you’ve got less “living” available to you because you’re not awake as much during the day. I mean, how many of us have wondered, “wouldn’t it be cool if I didn’t need to sleep? I could do much more.” Well, we do need to sleep, so we can’t do that much more.
I don’t feel bad for harsh commentary because I’m just trying to be fair about my analysis of their performance. I congratulate and reprimand as needed, and I think the mornings, or any hard-bound time-sensitive event can be stressful because there’s a combination of selling the event as a “good thing” to the kids, and establishing what my job is as a parent and what their “job” is as the child. So of course, the power-struggle is a part of that. But I see in my boys an oh-so-gradual acceptance of these hard facts-of-life, and I am still thrilled to get home to see them, and they demonstrate happiness to see me.
I’m pulling for them, and I think they know it. They say things at times that represent the frustrations of the moment (and don’t we all
, but I have a short memory for that stuff. So we can all smile to be together as time permits, and the small moments where eye-contact is made (that fleeting gift occasionally given by my oldest, diagnosed high-functioning and/or ADD, take your pick of professional 
count infinitely more than when we’re all grumpy and trudging through the mundane (but together!).
I feel like I could go on forever, but I won’t. (And the crowd cheers
Good luck to you all and just make sure your kiddies know you’re they’re biggest fan, and they’ll get the rest.
Family also stands for
F – forget
A – about
M – me
I – I
L – Love
Y – You
So true! I had a few days like that and knew right away that there was a problem. Luckily (with Jesus in my heart) I have been able to say five things every single day to my children that make them smile: “Good morning! It’s so nice to see you!”, “I love you SO MUCH!”, “You are So smart!”, “You silly boy/girl” (and tickling), “You make me happy.” So even when we have a bad day the kids know how much I love and appreciate them (I hope!) Thanks for the reminder of how it shouldn’t be.
God bless
I DON’T THINK IS SAD AT ALL, I JUST DON’T LIKE THE PART OF THE SITUATION WHERE I HAVE NO OTHER OPTION BUT TO SCREAM. EVEN THOUGH IT’LL TAKE ME A LONG TIME TO DO THAT, WHEN IT DOES HAPPEN IT WAS SIMPLY BECAUSE IT WAS NEEDED.
I BELIEVE THAT WE MOTHERS SHOULD NOT THINK IS A BAD/SAD THING TO DICIPLINE OUR CHILDREN, I FOR ONE DO THE BEST I CAN WITH MY TWO BOYS, IT IS NEVER EASY TO BE A.. TEACHER, NURSE, COACH, REFEREE, CHEERLEADER, THERAPIST, ORGANIZER, COOK MAID AND LET’S NOT FORGET WIFE!
SO MY COMMENT WOULD BE TO THIS MOM IF I SAW HER..WHO HAD A HARD DAY, OR WAS DEPRESSED OR STRESSED: CAN I HELP YOU WITH ANYTHING?
I AM VERY PROUD TO BE A NONJUDGEMENTAL MOM, AND I SURE HOPE WE CAN ALL BE VERY PROUD OF BEING WHO WE ARE SOMEDAY:) MIND YOU, I’M NOT SAYING THAT YOU’RE NOT PROUD WHO YOU ARE, ALL I’M SAYING IS THAT LIFE IS NOT PERFECT BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN WE HAVE TO BE SO HARD ON OURSELVES
I agree with the last two comments! One without the Lord in your heart and everyday everything, it would be hard to raise a child or children. As for myself, I have 6 kido’s. 3 in school and 3 at home ranges from 11 years down to 10 months. My helpers are away during the day so the younger ones are in “training”. They have to stay busy so they DONT get into trouble, not to say that doesn’t happen, it does. But the bussier they are the less likely! My older ones know how to do everything in the house but start a load of wash, which is next on my list! They love to help! They love to please their daddy & mommy, and most of all the Lord. They have been taught to do their work as if it were for the Lord. Now I know I have said those things up there at least once! Because it was needed at the time and because I know I have told them once already to be careful or to get thier shoes on, whatever. Disipline and to know they will be if they don’t listen the first time is the rule in this house. To spare the rod is to spoil the child. But most of all love them unconditionally!
Living in a metropolitan area, I get a lot of social pressure to put my 2.5 year old in preschool already. But instead, I have him and his little sister at home with an Au Pair who is crazy about them. They wake up and have a relaxed breakfast, nap in their own beds and feel the comfort of an adult who loves/plays/teaches them and they have play dates for social interaction. I can’t imagine all the stress I would feel getting them out the door at 6:00 AM so I can get to work on time – it must be very difficult.
most of this stuff is negative, i would like more positive stuff to deal with a rebellious 14 year old teenage daughter, help! thanks.
Thanks Ellen for reminding us of our typical day!!! Now I know is the time to make the change.
Wow. I have so much to learn. My little girl will be 4 in a month, and I’m not sending her to pre-school. I’m lucky enough to stay at home with her, my husband works outside the home and I’m starting my own business. I keep hearing about homeschooling, and while it sounds like it might be a good idea (my baby will be safe at home with me) I would like to know how this practice prepares children for the real world?
What about socialization? I was born and raised in NY, and always had lots of friends. We now live in a rural area, and I feel the only children she will meet will be the ones she meets in school, should I decide to send her. I feel she needs to be around other children. When she meets someone her age, she hugs them immediately after introducing herself. She’s outgoing, affectionate, and whip-smart. On the downside, she can have a hot temper and throws some pretty intense hissy fits on occasion.
She is our one and only, and I want to be as careful as possible not to screw up. I’ll consider all advice given, so feel free and send me some words of wisdom. I feel a bit lost here.
very thought provoking.
I will listen to my self and
try to change my words.
After reading all these thought provoking statements it makes me wish for all “those” mornings back. See my oldest will be a senior in High School next year and I wish for those wonderful mornings to wake him up, when he rolled over smiled and hugged me first thing. I am already very emotional just thinking about his last year in High School. I don’t want to be one of those moms who cry at the drop of the hat but to bad I am! This article reminds me to take the extra time in the morning, or anytime, and just make those positive and loving memories.
yes, quality time like any other good aspect of our life has to be consciuously managed.it not only makes one think about the relations but also urges them totake time for their dearones.thank you once again.
Wow, I am suprised to see how many parents kill their kids souls…..2000 years ago and now all we want the same thing HAPPYNESS, and it does not exist in more money jobs or new car or another thing we do not need in our houses. HAPPYNESS is inside job. We are connected globally by Internet and disconnected in our own families……VERY, VERY SAD.