For the record, my oldest will graduate 6th in her class in June. She’s been accepted at the best college in NC and has a full scholarship because she had to work for what she wanted.

It’s up to us to set morales and values and uphold those. My children are well adjusted, would rather be outside than play inside with a playstation. They volunteer and donate the toys they no longer play with to other less fortunate children.

Our children need US not more toys!

I just got back from my nephew’s birthday. And his grandparents sponsered him an animal from the WWF. My nephew received a stuffed version of the tiger he has “adopted” as well as a certificate, so that he actually had something to open-but as a caring child he was very excited to be helping something in the world. Truly he was more excited about that gift (they also included a book on endangered animals) than he was on the gift we got him-which was what he had asked for!

I have been to a few parties lately where donations to favourite charities were made instead of gifts. And it actually is really easy to go this route because almost all the schools are now doing recylce themes or teaching the children that they are part of a larger global community. First talk it over with your kids to get them on board-which is easy, and then elicit their help in the relatives department.

Sounds like you are doing something right - keep up the good work. Stay down to earth - materialistic does not breed happiness

I terms of Facebook, I’m a high school substitute teacher and there is no way to control Facebook. Again, if you have taught your children to make good decisions, you will have to sit back in the teens years and let them make their own decisions (good or bad). If you haven’t allowed for many decision-making lessons, it’s not too late to start - again it takes time and face-to-face dialogue (that means talking and listening with an open mind). Facebook is like the black-hole for some teens and will suck up a lot of their time - teach your teen time management and responsibility but don’t cut them off.

Sorry, but I have to respectfully disagree on this one.

Sometimes the most valued and treasured moments in life, are the ones that don’t cost anything. I don’t remember what my first bike looked like, but I do remember the special time and outings we spent together as a familly.

As far as young teens on myspace or facebook, bad idea. In all respect to Ms. Berger - you are the adult and need to have that respected by your daughter. The influential garbage that goes on and on and on during their “hours” of sitting on the computer can not be good. When we are raising our children, hopefully we are teaching them some decent values and are spending enough time with them to really get to know them and to be influential as someone they love and respect. When they then go out of their little world within the family, you would hope they choose good friends with the same value. When they go to myspace or facebood - they are not choosing - all of the sudden they are exposed to everything - good and bad. As they spend “hours” on the computer, do you really think they are not absorbing all this garbage and it is taking root in their being??? The last thing I want for my kids is to become a part of the immorality our young kids face every single day between tv, the internet, the teen type magazines, mtv, yuck yuck yuck! Once our children are out of school - none of this stuff will mean anything, except what type of influences have been drilled in to them. We are responsible as parents to deter the bad influences and encourage the good ones.

As teens, we didn’t randomly dial a number and start talking to the teenager on the other end. We knew who we were talking to.

And while gossip was certainly a part of the phone game, it wasn’t spread with the lightning speed that the internet allows. If someone posts something, it can then be sent to hundreds of people immediately. Then those people can comment and spread and it easily snowballs. Instead of taking a few days for a rumor to spread through the school, it now takes seconds.

It is also much easier to post anonymously than it is to phone anonymously. When you are anonymous, it’s much easier to say hurtful things or tell outright lies.

These social networking sites have NO merit when it comes to teens. None.

I think it is important to monitor what your child is doing online. My daughter is not allowed to have either of these accounts. There is NO benefit to having them as a young teen.

My daughter must give me the passwords to every account she keeps- e-mail, AIM- and I look over her shoulder and also check her contacts. If I see a name I don’t know, I ask her who it belongs too. Unfortunately, it is very easy for kids to have several IDs. I checkmy history and look for things that are unfamiliar. Also-the computer is in the family room with the monitor facing the room so I can see what she is doing.

If you’ve read disturbing things that your child has written or others have written, you need to deal with it. If others have written those things, have your child ban them. If your child has written them, ban your child from using the computer for a bit. The punishment will therefore fit the crime.

good luck and let me know!!!@

Another thing that seems to have gone out of vogue is laying items away. When I was growing up, that’s how we were able to buy clothes for back-to-school or summer vacation. My mom would take us to the store and tell us we had X$ for out wardrobes. We would pick out the clothes but then they’d be put on layaway and my mom would pay on them each week until they were paid off. It meant waiting for a few weeks before we actually got the items, but it was worth it. If we chose instead to buy outright, we were given 1/4 the amount of money. I learned what would get me the bigger wardrobe!

I recently used this concept with my daughter. She was going to a semi-formal dance. I told her I would give her $20 for a dress. We checked the local Goodwill but couldn’t find anything. We checked the sales racks, but she didn’t see anything she loved. In the end, she chose a $45 dress. I layed it away. I put the $20 down on it and each week her allowance went directly to the store. The week before the dance the dress was paid for. If lay-away isn’t available for an item, you can buy it and have your child put it on lay-away at home.

I agree with Gina and Rob Williams that we shouldn’t just *give* our kids things because their classmates have them. When we do this, our kids don’t learn how to make independent judgements — “Do I really need it?” and instead learn to “keep up with the Jones”. And they get spoiled.

However, I strongly agree with Joy, Alicia, J.D., and Paula. As opposed to just saying “no” to our childrens’ requests, (and have them resent that) we can give them “a means of earning it”. In other words, let them save up for what they want and buy it with their own allowance, birthday $, etc. My parents have done this with me, and it would made me reconsider whether that doll or toy that all my classmates had or I really wanted was something really important to me. If it wasn’t I dropped the idea. If it was, I worked hard for it.

By doing this, my parents made me appreciate what I bought, and so I didn’t misuse it, or forget about it right after I got it. They taught me self-control; I couldn’t always get what I wanted. They taught me the value of things — not everything is free, or easy to come by. They taught me good budgeting skills, and how to save up.

I think some of the materialism and must have is from advertising and from kids not understanding the true nature of the get and spend and throw cycle. As an antidote to mass media messages, I connect what they purchase to its impact on the environment and others. Today we just watched a video called www.storyofstuff.com. I think it’s an awesome piece of consumption reality…I always thought the college economics model left out a huge chunk. I think good decisions come from an informed reality. I’ve shown the kids the landfill and talked about how it’s growing from all the thrown stuff. They really get it. And they aren’t “denied” anything. I just ask that they understand the reality of their purchases.

Kids really do make wonderful decisions when given wonderful information. I think a lot of the purchasing decisions they make are from peer pressure and media advertising. I think sustainability discussions are an amazing antidote to advertising. But a better antidote for my kids seems to be thrifting & garage sales and crafting and saving for items with their own allowance. It’s sort of a model of abundance rather than repression and can’t have. They really regulate themselves when it’s their own money they are spending!

When they “must have” something..it’s amazing how they make decisions (whether retail or thrift) that are precise and well thought out. A lot of times, the kids use their allowance money to purchase what they want, either retail or by thrifting.

As for clothing, we talk about how boring it is to go in to a retail store and see rack after rack after rack of the same colors and styles. They are absolutely dressed to the nines from thrifting…boutique clothes..good quality and I consign their items and let them have money to get more.

As one example of children making choices, my daughter really wanted a toy and then didn’t buy it because of the huge amount of packaging and the high price.

It’s like the kids get to make a choice for something that helps the environment and that is so fun. I can always tell when the latest fad toy has lost its peer group significance as oodles of the item will be in the thrift stores.

Lest this sounds naive…I’m watching it work in my own family and thought someone else might use it as a springboard in their own or relate to it a bit.

When I first read it, I reeled in shock, but upon further reflection, I do see the wisdom in it, as well as the comment that you may need to reconsider where you live. I think the key to the above statement, though, is the part about the means to earn it. I believe if a child is given the chance to earn something, they then begin to choose which things are really that important.

I don’t like to just give my children everything, and in the past I’ve subscribed to the theory that if everyone else has it, we most certainly do NOT need it, but I think I need to rethink that thought, because I do not want to create an “unhealthy longing, and accentuate and promote materialism,” as Carol mentioned above.

What an interesting topic to ponder more!

It’s also about working with other parents to explain your point of view. Many won’t be wanting to give their kids the gadgets but have no solidarity with their own peers (the parents). Stand together and don’t let the kids divide you!

We also need to apply that same care with our children. A child needs to know that they themselves are the valuable thing not the stuff. There will always be someone who has more, there will always be someone with less… this fact has nothing to do with our value as human beings.