Create Enjoyable Associations

Young children especially are often afraid of older people, particularly if they don’t spend a lot
of time around them. The aged appearance and voice of a senior citizen can come across as
scary and is often portrayed that way in television shows and movies. If your child doesn’t have
grandparents nearby, it’s important that you take the time to create pleasurable associations
regarding spending time around older people. Doing so can help ease a false sense of fear and
replace it with feelings of happiness and anticipation of the next get-together.

Take your young child to the library to listen to an older volunteer read stories. Find out if your
church or child’s school has a buddy program that pairs children with a senior citizen and take
advantage of such a program to build pleasant experiences between your child and the older
generation.

Children aren’t the only ones to benefit from an intergenerational relationship. In fact, when
children find out they can help the older people in their life, it boosts confidence, and fosters
respect and appreciation. Have your child swap planned learning time with the older person in
their life for mutual learning opportunities that help foster a strong foundation for their
relationship. The technology of today gives your child the skills to teach an older person how to
do things on the computer, while an older adult can teach your child how to play a game or do
a craft that was popular when they were young.

These types of activities build respect by giving children a firsthand experience of the
knowledge an older person can share. Community centers are an ideal place in which to seek
out or create a program that brings children and older adults together. Time spent together on
learning skills, games and activities that enrich a child’s life fosters a natural progression in the
relationship that leads to appreciation and respect.

Young children get tired and restless quickly, and so do some older adults. Random, unplanned
get-togethers can upset the schedule of an older adult, as well as that of a child. By planning
appropriately, you ensure that both your child and the older adult are ready for a get-together
and have engaging activities to keep them busy and make the time enjoyable for both.

Go for quality over quantity when planning together time. A young child’s level of activity might
initially be energizing to an older adult but hours of it can be exhausting. Conversely, an older
adult can have a calming effect on an active child, but after a while soothing can turn into
boring. Experiment with different lengths of time to see what works best. Watch for cues from
your child and the older adult to be proactive and prevent problems.

Promoting an intergenerational relationship between your child and an older adult does more
than teach your child to respect and appreciate them. It helps preserve history, opens a child’s
eyes to diversity, and expands their world in a way that no other type of friendship can.

Olivia Stanford is a lifestyle consultant and writes for dogwoodforest.com, a beautiful
assisted living atlanta facility for senior citizens of Georgia.

The rain has finally stopped here in  Cleveland and  we have had a few of days of sunshine. The sandbox in the park had a couple of days to dry up. My two younger children were itching to get themselves dirty.

My son took out the sand toys. There is one toy in particular that they have a hard time sharing. When he brought it out, I inwardly groaned, remembering all the fights the kids had over this particular pail that made a smiley face in the sand.

I thought that we need a plan and I quickly used some of the tips that I had just taught in my sibling class.

1. Name the problem:

Me: “Oh no! That smiley face pail always gives us problems. It is tough to share. Both of you always want that one first.”

2. Be positive and invite them to think of solutions:

Me:” I know we can think of a solution. I am sure if we put our heads together we can figure out how to share this toy.” Maybe we can think of some rules to help us share it.”
Sara: “I know we can each have it for 5 minutes”
Me to Mikey: “How will that work for you?”
Mikey: “No way I need more than 5 minutes!”

3. Offer choices:

Me to Mikey: Ok, you need more time than 5 minutes- how many minutes do you think you need? 5or 10 minutes?
Mikey:”10 minutes”
Me to Sara: “He needs ten minutes, will that work for you?”
Sara: “Yes.”

4. Name the problem again:

Me: “Ok, good we figured out how many minutes for each of you guys. Now the next problem is who is going to use it first. How should we figure that out?”
Sara: “He can go first, if you help me on the swings.”
Me: That sounds like a good plan. I can help you on the swings.

5. Praise children for a solution and reiterate the plan:

“I am so glad we figured out a solution. We really put our heads together. Mikey is going to go first with the sand pail while Sara and I play on the swings. After 10 minutes it will be Sara’s turn. Then after those 10 minutes we will switch again. Let’s get started!”

Crisis averted! Staying calm, positive and solution oriented is the trick to helping children to get along. To learn more on how to help your children get along buy our “How To Handle Sibling Rivalry Without Losing Your Mind”  audios.

With childhood obesity a dire threat, childhood fitness has
never been more critical. Kids who play sports not only get a healthy worko
invaluable lessons that will aid them for a lifetime. With the benefits of spo
lead fuller, more active lives and have fun in the process.

1. Sportsmanship

Children who play sports learn quickly the concept of sportsmanship. Opponents shake hands
before a match begins. Teams slap hands after a good game. The message that coaches try to
teach is to respect the other team as much as one’s own. Winning is a worthy goal, but not at
the expense of sportsmanlike conduct. Taunting, jeering, and purposefully injuring opponents
brings dishonor to any sport. Even adults sometimes get caught up in the adrenaline and the
drive to succeed, but they should be there to remind children of the importance of honor,
fairness, and fellowship with other athletes, no matter what color jersey they wear.

Martial arts students stand at attention before their instructor. They know that following
instructions and showing restraint are as important as the accuracy of their moves. Control is as
critical as strength. Children who play sports inevitably learn discipline, listening to and
following the coach’s orders. More importantly, kids develop self-discipline and learn to control
their impulses, emotions, and behavior for the greater good of the team. A basketball player
may instinctively hog the ball, but with discipline, he learns to pass if it means a teammate has
a better shot at making the basket.

Pushing oneself to the limit. Giving it one’s all. These are the attributes of sports fitness. Any
child who joins a team learns to strengthen her body and mind to achieve physical greatness.
No soccer or basketball player can run up and down the field without a high degree of fitness. It
takes practice, dedication, and determination to build up endurance and strength. The health
benefits to children are long-lasting; kids who push themselves athletically when they are
young are more likely to be healthy as adults.

There is no “I” in team. A team is only as strong as its weakest link. Children hear these
expressions and realize that teamwork is one of the most important aspects of any sport. Each
player must give it his best and pull his own weight. Children learn valuable communication
skills when they discuss plays and interact verbally and physically on the field. A team cannot
succeed with only one or two players carrying the rest. There will always be stronger players.
To build a truly great team, though, every member has to show up and demonstrate a

reasonable amount of skill and competency.

5. How to Graciously Handle Wins and Losses

No one likes a sore winner any more than a sore loser. Both are equally offensive. Kids want to
win, and it is what their coaches and parents encourage them to do. However, more important
than winning is being gracious however the game turns out. Crying or refusing to congratulate
the other team are not only childish behaviors, but also unsportsmanlike. Likewise, winners
who crow excessively and lord it over the losing side disgrace themselves. It is up to the adults
to remind children to be gracious; that means parents in the sidelines should refrain from
arguing with the ref, booing, and abusing the opposing team. Children learn from example.

Children who participate in sports learn virtues and qualities that will help them in their adult
lives. Honesty, integrity, and fair play extend to the adult world as much as the sports field.

Author Johnny Patterson is a big fan of Junior
Hockey and writes for US Junior Hockey
News, a forum for the latest breaking news and announcements from across the United
States.

The growth of a child is incredibly important. Parents invest time, money and
energy in making sure that their children are growing mentally, emotionally and
physically in the proper manner. There are a number of resources that are
available to help parents track and monitor the development of their children.
Early childhood development is extremely important for number of reasons. The
ability to know if a child is developing at a normal pace is very important in
order to identify any possible problems such as autism. Parents of young
children should note a number of different factors when they are trying to
monitor their children’s progression. Taking the time to notice even the
smallest things about a child’s development can ensure that children are
receiving the proper stimulation and if necessary help for any issues.

For parents, particularly those that are new to raising children, there are a
number of resources available to help with the monitoring of a child’s
development. One of the best resources is the family physician or the child’s
pediatrician. This individual is core to analyzing how a child is developing and
if there are any issues that need to be addressed. Oftentimes, when parents are
concerned about such issues as their children not speaking, not listening to
what is being said or an issue with physical growth, the pediatrician is one of
the first people that is consulted. Pediatricians are experts on early childhood
development and can be of great assistance to parents that have some concerns
about their children. Parents should not hesitate to consult with their child’s
pediatrician if they feel as if there is a developmental delay. The sooner such
issues are addressed the better able a child can be assisted.

There also a number of resources that are available throughout the Internet.
There are many organizations that cater to providing parents with information in
regards to early childhood development. These resources can be very informative
and can assist parents in understanding where their children should be
developmentally by a certain age. It is very important to understand that
children do develop differently. However, they are certain characteristics that
are applicable to children at certain ages. Such developmental features as fine
motor skills, the ability to talk and social integration are very important.
There are a variety of websites and forums where parents can locate information
pertaining to childhood development. Furthermore, the forums that are available
allow parents to discuss amongst themselves any problems and concerns and to
pose questions that other parents may be able to answer.

Watching a child steadily growing as a person is in an amazing experience for
any parent. Making sure that children are developing in the proper manner is
very important in order to identify any issues that can possibly be rectified
while the child is still impressionable and able to be treated. Also, knowing
that a child is developing in a manner that is conducive to healthy growth
provides parents with peace of mind. It is highly recommended that parents
become very proactive when it comes to the growth and development of their
children.

Questions seem to be a popular technique that parents use when communicating with their children. As a parent educator I was always trained to be careful when questioning children because we parents will use questions to:

Admonish our children:

“Why do you always have to give me a problem when you get into the car?”

Initiate conversations:

“How was school?”

Undermine A Child’s Feelings:

“Why are you getting angry, its no big deal?” “What are you getting so excited for, its not like I am asking you to clean the whole house, just your room?”

 Criticize:

“Why are you wearing that?”

Motivate:

“Don’t you want to do your homework now instead of waiting for the last minute?”

 Control:

“What time are you going? Who is going with you? Do you think this is a good idea? When will you be back? Who is driving?”

I think you get the picture. Children become confused and overwhelmed when they are asked many questions. They find even the simplest questions to be intrusive and annoying. Often they close down, refusing to communicate.

So is there ever a time when we can question our kids?

As a speech therapist I was trained to only ask open-ended questions as opposed to close ended questions. This technique is used in many fields, education, counseling, mediation, and journalism.

According to mediacollege.com, an open-ended question is designed to encourage a full, meaningful answer using the subject’s own knowledge and/or feelings. It is the opposite of a closed-ended question, which encourages a short or single-word answer. Hence, the reason why kids will not talk to us when we say, “So, what did you do in school today?” Open-ended questions also tend to be more objective and less leading than closed-ended questions.

Open-ended questions typically begin with words such as “Why” and “How”, or phrases such as “Tell me about…”. Often they are not technically a question, but a statement which implicitly asks for a response and helps promote conversation.

For example, instead of asking:

“Why do you always have to give me a problem when you get into the car?”

Ask:

“Can you tell me the best way for you to get into the car?”

Instead of:

“How was school?”

Say:

“Tell me a little about your new math teacher, I hear he has a new way of teaching algebra.”

Instead of:

“Why are you getting angry, its no big deal?”

Ask:

“Can you give me an idea of why you sound so frustrated about cleaning your room?”

Instead of:

“Why are you wearing that?”

Try:

“Can you tell me if there is a dress code for this event?”

Instead of:

“Don’t you want to do your homework now instead of waiting for the last minute?”

Try:

“Can you tell me your plans for getting your homework done tonight?”

Instead of:

“What time are you going? Who is going with you? Do you think this is a good idea? When will you be back? Who is driving?”

Ask:

“I am concerned about your schedule tonight. Can you give me a minute to let me know, time of departure, the friends going with you, designated driver and when you will be home?”

Talking effectively to kids can take a lot of patience and practice. Asking the right questions can help.

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As a parent you have many obstacles to face. You become completely responsible for a whole new life. As your child grows, you as a parent grow also. The one obstacle that almost every parent faces is how to keep up with your new bundle of needy joy. Raising your energy level is not only important but required to assure you don’t fall behind. If you have a plan to keep your energy at a healthy level, you can chase the little ones around all day and still feel great. There are a few things to consider when maintaining your energy level.

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Exercise:
It may sound confusing; how can exerting energy help you increase your energy? Studies show exercise is actually very important for maintaining your energy level. Try beginning every day with a small routine before the little ones get up. If that is not possible, then try to sneak some personal time for yourself when they nap. Not every new parent can make it to the gym each day so small routines at home can help keep your energy levels rising.

Diet:
This is where it gets tricky. Many new mothers are all over the place with cravings and aversions. Add to that the fact that most new mothers decide to breastfeed their baby. That means that she has to be concerned with the way the baby reacts to her diet. Careful consideration of what to ingest should always be taken.

In a fast food, energy drink, quick fix world, what you eat and drink are not always the best. With new parents short on time and energy, they don’t make an effort to prepare healthier meals. This is an important time to start. Keeping a healthy diet will not only give your newborn the nutrients needed to grow strong and healthy, but it can also keep your energy levels at their prime.

<img src=http://mrg.bz/TNCLUE/>

Choose foods with natural sugars. Try trading the morning cup of coffee for an apple. Studies show an apple in the morning can wake you up better than a cup of your favorite brew, and won’t give you the caffeine crash later. Choose foods high in Vitamin C as it allows your body to absorb more Iron, which in turns brings more oxygen to your blood and gives you a natural energy boost.

Supplements:
The word supplements scares many who do not understand exactly what they are. With companies categorizing diet pills and energy drinks as supplements, most stay away from them all together. Supplements however, are a way to give your body what it’s lacking from improper diet. The store shelves are now lined with natural supplements that can bring you back to life to follow your diapered speed demon around. Before starting a supplement regiment, consult your doctor if you are breastfeeding.

Check the labels before taking supplements. Try to avoid any supplement that includes caffeine or processed sugars. Some all natural supplements such as guarana, echinacea, spirulina, and garlic can boost your energy and keep you healthy enough to enjoy the joys of parenthood. Based on your needs, your doctor can suggest a regiment that would be right for you.

Being a parent can be draining. In a world where everything seems to be on fast forward, new parents can crash and burn quickly. Eating properly, exercising and getting on a supplemental regiment can give you the fuel your body needs to make every moment with your child a blissful memory. Take the time to plan your day, meals and routine so you don’t miss out on the wonder your child can bring to your life.

Your little bundle of joy is turning one year old and you need to put together a party that will be memorable and entertaining for everyone. The reality of course is those that attend the party are the ones that want to remember this special birthday, since our little guest of honor won’t remember it. However, you’ll have plenty of pictures and stories to remind them of it. Plus, as many new parents admit, they put on a party to remember their own memories as kids. There’s nothing wrong with that, so let’s get planning!

People to Invite

The most important part of this party will be the people that you invite and attend. If you plan on going big, the invite list should include all of the people that have had important roles in the baby’s life so far. Parents (of course), family members and friends. You’ll also want to invite your child’s godparents. While it’s all too rare for doctors and support staff at the hospital to get invites or celebration notices for their patients’ first birthday, light up their day and say thank you by sending them a card with a photo.

Must Have Supplies

Every birthday needs supplies and decorations, but for this one there are a few extra things to have handy. You only get one first birthday and the day can never be recreated. With this in mind, we need to have a few cameras on board. Make sure batteries are charged and memory cards are empty to allow maximum pictures. Diapers will be an absolute necessity, especially when inviting guests that have babies as well.

In the excitement of coming to the party, parents often forget diapers for their own kids (we did!), and when in need, a mid size diaper can fit almost all babies. One other must have item would be cleaning supplies and paper products. There will be spills and accidents, not to mention a messy baby after cake diving! Be sure to have extra paper towels and cleaner in house to clean up with.

As for party supplies, I find that a theme ties everything together and makes it easier to decorate. You can come up with your own, or observe what your baby likes. Is she entranced with Elmo? You now know to get an Elmo cake and use red streamers and balloons. Perhaps he loves Barney – go with purple. There’s no shortage of ideas, and once you have your theme, you can then order or make decorations, the invites and the cake to put everything together.

Party Assistants

Any party with young children and lots of people will often result in confusion. Safety is important with this party – never be afraid to ask for help. Call ahead and get a few parents and friends to help with the party planning and decor. It will be a better event if there are a few people that know exactly what that plan for the day is and know where people can and can’t go to ensure the safety of the young ones playing around during the party. If there are older children attending the party, ask them to help with watching the younger kids. They can also help put things away and clean up during the party.

The best part about this first birthday party is to focus on the celebration of your baby’s life. Regardless of anything else, make sure the special day is focused on that. Happy Birthday baby!

Tip One – High Quality Bedding

It’s amazing what a difference expertly designed duvets and pillows can do to help a child drift off to sleep with ease. Bedding made from natural materials is the ideal choice as they help to regulate body temperature thanks to their breathable properties. Goose down traps more air than other fillings which in turn reduces the amount of down needed to create a comfortable temperature. This means your child can climb into bed without being weighed down by heavy bedding and also remains at a comfortable temperature throughout the night.

Temperature control plays a vital role in aiding your child’s sleep, which is why choosing a lightweight duvet with enhanced thermal performance will certainly reduce the chances of your child waking throughout the night.

Tip Two – Create a Beautiful Bedroom

Getting your child excited about their bedroom is a significant step towards a peaceful night. Take the time to ask your child what they think would make their bedroom truly special and use your own creativity to come up with a design they will love. From a fairyland to a creepy-crawly extravaganza, make sure your child’s bedroom is a reflection of everything they love to encourage them to spend time in there.

Tip Three – Implement a Reward Chart

This is a fantastic tip for those in need of a little extra help when getting the children into bed and off to sleep. Establish a set routine that incorporates everything your child does in the run up to saying goodnight and document this on a brightly coloured chart. Star stickers can be used when your child has completed each part, from putting their pyjamas on without argument to brushing their teeth well. Tell your child that the final star will be added in the morning once they have stayed in their own bed without fuss for the night.

Take the time to explain the chart to your child and discuss a suitable reward for them, such as a family activity or a sweet treat. It is advisable to start the chart on a Sunday and explain that a reward will be given on the following Saturday if they have achieved a week of good night time behaviour.

With patience and determination, you can lead the way to a restful night’s sleep for the whole family. Every parent can sympathise with the ease of giving in, but making a few changes and remaining strong will lead to you reaping the benefits in the end. Give these top tips a go and see the difference they can make to your child’s night time behaviour.

Guest Post:  John O’Brian is a twin as well as a father of a set of twins.  He enjoys researching products for twins that make life easier and simpler.  Check out his recommendations about the best double strollers for twins.

When buying a double stroller there are many important features to consider. All of them require attention; however, I believe that if you pay particular consideration to these six things you will have a better chance of buying the best double stroller that you could.

1. Car Seat Adaptability – This is very important for those who are on the go. Whether you have twins or have a toddler and newborn, you will need to be able to run basic errands like going to the store. This can be quite a hassle and extremely stressful. Time spent transferring your child or children from carriage to car seat and back wastes precious moments that you can use more effectively. Many double strollers today have the ability to have at least one car seat snap directly into the stroller. What this does it simply allow you to transfer the child while still in the car seat into your car and then back again.
2. The Weight of the Stroller- Stroller weight is important because you will be lifting it quite a bit. Whether you lift it to go into the house, or list it in and out of the car, you will have to flex your muscles quite a bit. Now I am all in favor of a good workout, it promotes healthy living but I think that is more suited to your local gym.  I will note that I was surprised to learn that a bigger stroller does not equate to weighing more. For example, the combi twin sport weighs a little over 22 pounds but holds up to 55 pounds. The baby jogger, who is more quipped for workouts and rough surfaces and is comparably more bulky, should weigh much more. Surprisingly it actually weighs 21 pounds but can hold up to 100 pounds.
3. Wheels- While this really depends on the type of stroller you by, there are things I would want in a double stroller that I have found to be quite helpful. Do the wheels swivel? This allows for great mobility. Important in preventing the stroller from constantly being stuck. You may also want wheel locks. Depending on the model it can be on each individual wheel, front wheels or the back wheels.  I prefer having it in the front at a minimum so the stroller does not roll down when the slope surfaces. The last thing you want is to have your children get out of the stroller and you go into the house. When you come out moments later, it is down the block or in the street just waiting for the oncoming traffic to run it over.
4. Stroller width- The width is something that at first glance may not make it to this list. However, I feel this is extremely important because it can make the difference between a stress free outing and one that leaves you drained and upset. Imagine going to your local grocery and going to the door only to realize you do not fit through the door. Besides the embarrassing look you would have, you would then need to move and push and wiggle your way either into or out of the store. If you were brave enough to go in, you would then need to do the same thing on your way out. That very well may be the last time you go out until your kids get a little older. Now imagine you had a stroller that was a bit narrower. You would fit through most doors without issue and run your errand as you always have. That is why the width of the stroller is on the list.
5. Stroller Fold- This is really more of a personal preference. There are two primary types of ways to fold your double stroller.  The majority of strollers tend to fold in half. The minority of double strollers fold in three. I have had both kinds and for storage purposes am more of a fan of those that fold in three. Do not be intimidated by the strollers that fold in three. Today’s models such as the combi twin sport have made this quite quick. They have a three-second fold that does just what it says. It allows you to fold in three seconds flat and put the stroller directly into your house or car.
6. The Handle Bars – The final thing to consider when looking for the best double stroller you can get is the handlebars. Again, this is personal preference. There are those models that have one long bar and others that have two. I prefer the double stroller with one handlebar. The reason is that if you have shopping bags you can easily tie them to the top of the stroller. If you had two separate bars the bags would slide down and fall off, or you would have nowhere to tie them in the first place. The second reason I like one bar over two is that you have more control over the stroller.

Overall, there are a number of factors when buying a double stroller. These are just a few of them. I do hope this was helpful and even if it simply served as a starting point to get you, thinking about what you want in a double stroller then that is great.

The meaning of “local” is changing. About a century ago, most children grew up with an idea of local that was restricted to their city limits, or the farthest end of Main Street. Today, the whole world is starting to become its own “locality”. It’s not so hard to go to another city on a whim. Heck, it’s not even so hard to go to another country if you really wanted to! The far-off is becoming the new “local”. In light of this new reality, I believe it’s important for us to offer our kids as many experiences of their greater global neighborhood as possible, even while they are still young. Here are top five reasons why:

1. Kids learn that movement is possible. When I was growing up, our vacations consisted of visiting places that were within a few hours of home. These trips were great (and no shame if that’s what you’re into), but as I grew older I began to feel that those far-off places on the map or on TV were inaccessible. Travel seemed to be something impossible or reserved for the wealthy. While plane tickets, visas, and lodging do come with a cost, it teaches your kids that they CAN get out into the world, and that they CAN experience the places that they have only heard about.

2. Kids begin to develop social-cultural understandings. This is huge. I got my degree in International Studies, and one of the biggest obstacles to truly appreciating diversity that I identified within myself and my classmates was the inability to determine what was an absolute value, and what was just a cultural preference. This was extra pronounced when studying controversial people, places, or systems of government/belief. Those of my classmates that had seen the world (or even small parts of it) seemed to have a better grid for looking at foreign ideas or concepts because their “local” was not just the American South, or the Northeast, or their hometown. They understood that the world was a big place, and that they have to be careful in making harsh judgments.

3. Kids are confronted with other languages. I heard a great joke recently on this topic: What do you call a person who speaks two languages? Bilingual. And, what do you call a person who speaks only one language? American! It’s funny and sad at the same time, I guess. Travel experiences, however, begin to dissolve a child’s belief that their language is somehow superior, or better than all the others. In fact, language teachers have found that, the younger the student, the easier it is for them to learn new languages. If you desire for your children to become multilingual, getting them out into the world while they are young is a great start!

4. Kids learn to develop confidence in unfamiliar places. Moving to the city when I graduated from college was a disorienting experience. I had literally spent my entire life in suburban America, and was surrounded with people that looked like me, talked like me, and lived in similar houses to mine. As a result, I was incredibly unsettled in my new home. Everything seemed like a threat, and every person seemed to know that I was out of place (which, actually wasn’t true; I just felt that way). Traveling to diverse places while kids are young, and their prejudice/discernment is minimal, can help remove this sense of discomfort in the face of unfamiliarity. These experiences will help them develop into more confident and adaptable people who can make the most of their circumstances.

5. They may undergo their own worldview transformation. According to legend, Siddartha Gautama (who Buddhists refer to as the Buddha, or “Enlightened One”) grew up in a palace as the son of a king. Until he was 29 years old, the palace was his whole world. That is, until he decided to go out and meet the people that would become his subjects. He saw several things that deeply challenged his current worldview, which was that everybody lived like him. As a result of his findings, he developed a profound sense of purpose for his life. Regardless of what we think about Siddartha, his story is very revealing (as I understand it, Bill Gates had a similar experience). Our children would benefit from stepping out into the world and seeing what it is truly like. We all want our kids to succeed and do important things; to do good things. Some of the most influential people in the world did what they did because of a well-developed worldview. Simple travel experiences do just that in kid’s lives.

Author Bio: Ethan S. writes on behalf of MoroccoTours.org. Plan your life changing excursion to one of the most culturally and geographically diverse nations in the world!

There is a wealth of games and activities to enjoy with your children this year-
don’t feel daunted by the stretch of school holidays, this is an opportunity to
make the most of your time together. There are family days out to be had, or
plenty of pastimes to keep the little ones entertained over the summer. Here are
just a few suggestions:

Outdoor Play

The summer months mean long, hot afternoons in the garden or local park, if
you don’t have any outside space at the house. Children generally love to get
involved with nature, so why not let them grow their own plants? Sunflowers
are relatively easy to grow and children can compete to have the tallest. Apart
from this, there is bird watching to enjoy, drawing in nature or just making daisy
chains. If you want to invest in outdoor play equipment, climbing frames, slides
or a simple sand pit are firm favorites.

Traditional Games

Bring the fun of the school playground home for the holidays- let the kids invite
some friends round and play some games. ‘Tag” is a perennial choice, but
try “What’s the Time Mr. Wolf?” “Duck, Duck, Goose” or “Hide and Seek”. Children
love it when adults take the time to be silly- plus, the energy used up means
bedtime is easier!

Zoo Trips

Take kids to the zoo and help them learn about animals. Conservation programs
are often based at zoos and baby animals are often born in the spring and
summer months. Seeing the younger animals is often very educational, besides
which they are very cute!

Picnics

The freedom to pack up a hamper full of food and a blanket is something you
don’t have in the winter, so enjoy it while you can. Take jam sandwiches, fairy
cakes and other items of your child’s favorite food- and mealtimes become fun!
Just make sure to take juice boxes rather than cups for juice and squash- spilt
drinks are a haven for ants and wasps!

So there you have just a small taste of what’s on offer – but all you need to do is
keep an eye out for local events for families and you’ll be surprised at what else
pops up. Just don’t forget the sunscreen!

Babies

Practicing attachment parenting is a great way to start your child’s life. When they are carried in a sling on your body, fed when they signal that they are hungry and are responded to promptly when other needs arise, they start to learn that they are important and that their needs will be met.

• Respond to Their Needs Consistently and Quickly
Children thrive on routine and consistency. Make some simple rituals for feeding, changing times and bed times so that the child learns what happens next. If you can’t respond to them immediately, talk to them while you are finishing your task and let them know what you are doing and that you will be there in a moment.

• Share In Their Enthusiasm and Excitement in Learning
There’s not a parent out there who doesn’t get tired of playing peek-a-boo, but the game does wonders for your baby’s confidence. Once he gets the hang of it, he is encouraged to try over and over because of his previous success.

Toddlers

As your child reaches his toddler years, he is more capable of taking care of himself, like putting on clothes, and helping in the house by picking up toys. Toddlers also begin to master critical thinking and also can be very emotional. It’s important for parents to model confidence and how to handle their feelings since the children will emulate what they see.

• Give Your Child Simple Household Tasks To Complete
Kids love helping out and, when trained to do tasks properly, the parents will benefit from their child’s enthusiasm to help. Start with one or two simple tasks and model the steps for your child. If you find him cleaning the sink with his sock, explain that this is not a good choice and remind him where to find the cleaning rags. When he’s done, compliment him on a job well done.

• Support Them in Trying New Things
This is a period of great learning and accomplishment. If your child wants to carry his own plate to the table, let him try. When an accident happens, help them clean up and talk about why it happened; don’t scold them, just educate them.

Elementary School

Children can easily start to lose confidence when they start school since there will be pressure to get good grades and be well liked. Don’t label your child; it’s possibly the worst thing you can do. Acknowledge their success and help them to become better in the areas in which they struggle.

• Invite Friends To Your Home
In this way you can see what’s going on in your child’s life and see how the other kids influence him. You can also set an example by your actions, something other kid’s might not get from their own parents.

Adolescence

This is a trying time for some families. Help your child to express his feelings through talking or writing. Keeping them to themselves is not helpful to becoming a confident teen.

• Family Discussions
This is a time where it’s very important to have family meals together so that your child can talk, ask questions and you can give advice.

• Help Them to See Their Value
When your child is experiencing a down day, help them make a list of all the things they excel at and how they add to your family and their school.

Emma Martin is an avid garage sale fan, regularly scouring her city for unique finds and great deals. Weirdest thing she ever bought at a yard sale: a dinner plate with George W. Bush’s picture covering it. She is a content contributor for YardSaleSearch.com.

“Children and Choices: Encouraging Responsible Behavior”

Sponsored By: RaisingSmallSouls.com

Wednesday, June 29
9-9:30pm EST

In this class you will learn:

• How To Help Your Child Listen
• How To Encourage Responsible Behavior
• How To Increase Your Child’s Confidence
• How To Improve Your Child’s Ability To Make The Right Decisions (even when you are not there!)

The following are the telephone numbers and access code for the live class:

Children and Choices: Encouraging Responsible Behavior

Wednesday, June 29, 9-9:30pm EST

For the class: (209) 647-1000
Access code: 804733#

For the recording: (209) 647-1999
Access code: 804733#

We hope you enjoy.

Adina Soclof
Ellen C. Braun

For more information visit us at www.parentingsimply.com

Encouraging your child to take an interest in charity from an early age not only benefits which ever worthy cause grabs their attention, but can also play a massive role in boosting their own personal development.

You might think sparking your child’s interest in charity will be difficult; after all, many charities work to try and eradicate problems of an ‘adult’ nature that many think of as being beyond a child’s grasp.

Admittedly, the sense of empathy that leads most adults to make charitable donations depends on them being able to understand the context of other people’s suffering and imagine themselves in such a position. Children can find this difficult, given their limited frame of reference for comprehending the world around them.

However, I’ve always been inspired by children’s keenly developed sense of injustice. As annoying as it is to hear repeated moans of “but it’s not fair!” over trivial issues such as bed times, a child’s natural desire for justice can be used to divert attentions away from selfish concerns, towards the plight of the genuinely needy.

Normalise Giving

For us to become truly committed to anything it needs to become part of our everyday routine. Children are, naturally, more flexible in their routines than adults. Any parent can tell you how something can be a matter of life and death to a child one week, then completely forgotten about by the next. Having said this, the ideas we pick up as children have the potential to stay with us forever.

Therefore, it is important to try and make giving to charity feel like a normal thing. A great way of doing this is to encourage your child to give a portion of the regular allowance they earn from doing chores to a charity.

In any case, when giving your child an allowance, it can be a good idea to help them draft up a little budget to decide how much they want to spend on small treats and how much they want to save towards something big. You might try and get them to include a good cause in this budget.

This will help prepare them for when they have an adult’s income, not all of which is disposable. Budgeting in this way will also increase your child’s appreciation of money as, even if you aren’t making them work particularly hard for it, they will have to think more carefully about the conundrum attached to all spending, namely, ‘what is most worthy of my cash?’

Business people and economists would call this ‘opportunity cost’, meaning the cost of having to choose one thing over another. Co-creating a budget with your child helps them understand this issue and appreciate their money more. Therefore, giving money away not only becomes a regular part of their lives, they also understand better the value of what it means to give.

Celebrate Charity

You can go one step further than this by making charity a central part of the special occasions your child looks forward to, such as Christmas. It is very easy to work charity into your fun family traditions.

For example, in the run up to Christmas you could set up a routine of clearing the kid’s rooms, picking out old toys that they no longer need and donating them to charity. They’ll associate this with the magic of the season, and, if you remind them that, after all, they’re making room for new toys, they can still see the sacrifice involved as something exciting.

As a parent I’ve found this has a pleasing double effect. For one thing the kids come to understand that there are people out there having a tougher time of it and are pleased to help out truly needy kids. Secondly, as a side effect of this realisation they appreciate their own gifts all the more.

As children don’t really have the means to go out and buy gifts for other people and, because they tend to receive so many gifts themselves, it is natural enough that most kids think of Christmas as being all about them. Indeed, it is very hard to resist encouraging this by spoiling your kids and experiencing their innocent joy vicariously. Encouraging them to see the holiday in a bigger context helps them adjust to the idea they are apart of a world that extends beyond their own existence.

Empower Kids to Give

Of course, encouraging kids to do good deeds isn’t all that useful if they don’t understand why it is good. Children pick up their moral sensibility from their parents and, despite the fact that every young child’s favourite phrase is “why?”, they often do not question the ethical code they inherit.

Obviously, this is a good thing to a large extent. Helping a four year old through an existential crisis is a challenge for any parent! However, it is good for a child’s moral development not to simply see ‘good’ and ‘bad’ as arbitrary labels you, or another figure of authority have decided on.

Getting a child to choose which charity they’d like to contribute to is a good of way getting them to realize their own beliefs. Picking a charity will make a child think about what makes a cause worth contributing to, rather than simply chalking it down as a good deed without thinking about it.

Making a gift donation in a child’s name often falls flat as a gesture as, to be honest, most kids would prefer a toy, and, as they had no role in making the decision they don’t feel attached to the cause. However, you can buy gift cards which work like online vouchers and allow kids to donate to charities of their own choosing. Kids often thrive when they feel they have a sense of responsibility and will want to get involved with anything that makes them feel empowered.

Getting Involved in the Community

Charity events offer a good chance for kids to interact with their peers and get involved in the community whilst learning about collaborative efforts. Even something simple like a bake sale will cover these areas whilst being fun, engaging and involving responsibility.

Encourage your children to get involved in, or perhaps even introduce, charitable activities to the social clubs they attend, such as their softball team or dance class. If you to are involved in the club it can provide the kids with a great opportunity to take matters into their own hands. You can consult them on their own fund raising ideas and give them a large role in the organising of the events. This will allow children to take ownership of their actions.

This is important for children, as without this sense of ownership they will take less sense of fulfillment from their positive actions. It can also one of the factors behind children‘s misbehaviour. If children are always simply being told to do the right thing and exactly how to do it, the may have to resort to naughtiness simply for the feeling of having done something for themselves.

Preparing for the Future

In conclusion teaching kids about charity at an early age can help develop a sense of ethics, budgeting, independence, organisational skills and can even be a start to developing a great CV (many colleges look to see how involved candidates have been in extra curricular community services as part of their admissions processes). If it involves events such as sponsored runs charity can even improve your child’s fitness!

Given all these different areas that giving to charity touches on, it really is a great way to help your children become conscientious citizens who, hopefully, will grow up realizing there’s more to philanthropy than tax breaks.

Guest post by Steve Waller, helping people find care assistant jobs in the UK via his comprehensive search engine.

The warm weather is here, and the great outdoors has so many lessons for us to teach our children while we are out and about!

As I was planting the vegetable garden in our yard, the following thought came to me:

Weeds are easy.

There’s no need to till the ground, add special nutrients to the soil, put up gates to keep out the deer, or water the weeds. No, none of that is necessary at all. The weeds just grow on their own. What could be easier?

On the other hand, lots of effort is required to plant strong and healthy tomato plants. (As my broken nails and scrapes can attest to!) Since the soil in Baltimore is acidic, I added lime to the potting mix. Let’s not even talk about tilling hard soil filled with tree roots! Staking the plants, watering, fertilizing, keeping the hungry animals away… getting buckets filled with homegrown tomatoes takes quite a bit of effort.

And that’s exactly the point of this little article:

The negative stuff comes easily. Like fast growing weeds, it’s easy to complain, get angry, or worry incessantly.

The positive stuff takes effort. It doesn’t come naturally to swallow our anger and stay calm in the face of adversity. It takes quite a bit of effort to see the positive side of life and avoid complaining about the negatives.

And, as nature has shown us, weeds are easy.

When we lose ourselves in anger and complaints, we’re just letting weeds grow wild. When we make the effort to see our glasses as half-full and keep impulsive reactions of anger under wraps by maintaining a calm disposition, we are growing our personal self-development garden.

Next time your child throws a tantrum (or next time you do!), show her the weeds outside. It’s easy to lose control and kick and scream. Tending to strong plants, like displaying calm reactions, takes effort. This is the kind of effort that results in fulfilling relationships, many real friendships, and internal peace of mind.

Raising Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Our children are experiencing pessimism, sadness, passivity, and obesity at unprecedented levels today. This is happening despite massive self-esteem campaigns and the natural optimism of children.

One of the world’s foremost experts on self-esteem, Dr. Nathaniel Brandon, believes that self-esteem has two basic components. The first is competence – the ability or skill to perform or basically get through the day. Most people either have skill or can acquire it fairly easily.

The second is a feeling of worthiness and deserving to be happy. This is where most people fall short. This feeling of self-worth – deserving to do, have, or become – is nurtured from a very early age and is enormously influenced by parents. This feeling is closely tied to using positive language too, because we begin to frame our child’s world at a very early age with our words and the images they evoke. Feelings of self-worth come from being taught, encouraged, and praised with respect to achieving and accomplishing. What most of us don’t realized however is that the achievements and accomplishments don’t have to be monumental to win your praise and approval.

As Dr. Brandon says, “Of all of the value judgments we made in our lives, there is none more important than the judgment we place on ourselves.” Our self-esteem is the reputation we have with ourselves, and it can only be acquired from within. This is not an instant verdict; it’s a feeling developed over time, a deep intuition about who we believe we are. Nor is self-esteem harmed or bolstered by a single event, choice, or act. Rather, it is developed over a long period, and through a series of choices and decisions. To put it simply, healthy self-esteem is not acquired as a result of anything external; it’s more of a spiritual accomplishment.

I am an adamant believer that people, including children, will not harm something or someone they value, including themselves. I also believe that, for the most part, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. If your child is a poor concept of self-worth, most likely one or both parents will be as well.

Self-esteem is critical because it will affect virtually everything about our children: whether they use and/or abuse drugs, alcohol, or tobacco; whom they choose to socialize with and how; their level of education; their fitness and health-related habits; how they look and present themselves to the world; how much money they will make; whether they will become self-employed or work for someone else; how long they will work and what they will do; whether they will marry and whom; whether they will have children and, if so, how they will raise them; where they will live; the car they drive; their level of stability and how they will cope with life; and this is just a partial list.

Developing good habits requires a purpose in life, and purpose requires a healthy self-esteem and a sense of confidence and worthiness.

One of your greatest tasks as a parent is to help your children find and develop this purpose in their lives. To accomplish this, you must be patient, nurturing, and open to change. Self-discovery is a process of living and learning over a lifetime. It’s a journey, not a destination. You, as a parent, are your child’s tour guide.

So what can we as parents do to help our children and society as a whole? Here are some things to seriously consider that will not only help to raise your child’s self-esteem but your own as well.

• To the best extent possible, provide a stable home with structure, love, and discipline.

• When you discipline, separate who your children are from what they do.

• Help our kids learn to be independent thinkers in a rational environment.

• Make sure they see consistency in your behavior.

• Don’t praise your child just to be “cool” or to be their “buddy”.

• Look for, and even create, opportunities to give them honest, genuine praise.

• Get involved with your children in activities that interest them.

• Help them find the lesson in failure, but never carry the failure forward. My dad always said, “Winners laugh and losers learn.”

• Proactively and politely assert your right to be happy and your right to legitimate wants and needs.

Give of yourself to your children. It’s the greatest gift you could ever offer and love them without conditions.

Larry J. Bradley is an author, speaker, personal and professional coach and consultant. He is a business turnaround specialist, certified Self-Talk trainer, NLP practitioner and coach, as well as a hypnosis and time-line therapy practitioner. His areas of expertise include parenting, personal success and management, persuasion, influence and sales. He can be reached at LarryBradley11@gmail.com or at 856-535-7500.

My middle son, Jacob, is ten years old and has opinions about absolutely everything. He recently shared with me the reason why Wednesday is the worst day of the week.

“Monday is pizza day, Tuesday is baseball leagues, Wednesday is nothing special, and Thursday you come to my school!” Each day of the week had a special component, according to Jacob, aside from the unfortunate day of Wednesday. What surprised me was just how much my weekly visits to his school on Thursdays actually meant to him in his ten-year-old mind.

I volunteer to serve hot lunches each Thursday in my children’s school. The truth is that I do more checking kids’ names off lists than actual serving, however, I do set up the tables prior to each grade’s lunch period. Although it takes nearly three hours out of my Thursdays, I enjoy getting to see my children in their school environment and the ability to have a quick word with their teachers and principals on a regular basis.

Jacob’s sweet reaction to my lunch volunteering stands in sharp contrast to his older brother’s perspective. Joey is twelve years old and requested that I not wave to him while he is on the lunch line, as that is apparently a big no-no in the social culture of sixth grade. At the end of his lunch period Joey does make his way to the room where I am setting up the next grade’s lunch and talk to me for a moment, but he does not want his friends to see him speaking to his mother! Although I could not help but feel a tiny bit miffed by the rude norms of middle school social culture, I was secretly glad that Joey had the ability to communicate his needs with me, even though he knew that I would not be pleased — he is able to be open and honest about his deep feelings.

By the way, Ben, who is eight years old, is usually pretty happy to see me. (Even last week when he brought me a paper to sign in middle of lunch where he’d written, ‘I will focus on learning not talk to my friends during class’!)

The interesting thing about people, especially children, is that we are all different. Joey does not care for my visits to school while Jacob adores them! Some children are gifted athletically, while others are blessed emotionally. This is the message of my popular Animal School video. (I’m sure you’ve already seen it, but just in case you haven’t, grab a tissue and watch it now!) Everyone is different, and no two people see the same thing in quite the same light. And there need not be a right and wrong way to view everything in life. Sometimes two people can hold opposing opinions, yet both of them can still be correct in their own way.

Let’s take some time to see our child’s incredible uniqueness. He may not have a train of thought that is identical to mine, yet that’s what makes him all the more special — he is his very own person! Which reminds me of one of my favorite books of all time — The Five Love Languages for Children. You’ve probably heard of the book due to its incredible popularity. (If not, order it now here!)

The book describes how we all have a different primary method of understanding love. Some of us feel love primarily through physical touch, while others feel loved when they receive gifts or services lovingly. It’s important to understand how we seek love and how our children seek their love.

If a mother primarily experiences love physically, and her son’s language of love is through quality time, then they can clash when she wants lots of hugs to dominate the relationship while he wants to just spend time in each others company. These are the 5 languages: Quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, and acts of service.

One great option for pregnant women is to invest in some maternity dresses. Dresses are very versatile and they’re also very comfortable, something that is very much appreciated during pregnancy.
There are several different styles of dress that lend themselves well to pregnancy. One great maternity dress is the all important maxi dress. Not only is the maxi dress very on-trend right now, but it’s perfect for accommodating your growing bump and is flattering to the figure too.

Many maxi dress styles have an empire line, so they are fitted on the bust (helping you to make the most of your boosted cleavage) and they then fall comfortably over your bump. Many maxi dresses also come in loose, flowing fabrics which are great for keeping your bump out of the sun, and they also keep you nice and cool on those sunny days.

Wrap dresses are also particularly good for pregnant women, and many maternity dress styles come in this particular type. Wrap dresses can come with sleeves, or without, but they tend to wrap around just under the bust. So, just like the maxi dress, they are fitted on top but the extra fabric that ‘wraps’ around you helps to accommodate your growing bump. They are also a bit more versatile than the maxi, since they come in shorter styles for those warmer days, especially helpful if you’re suffering from hot flushes.

Another thing to consider when looking for a maternity dress is the colour or pattern on a dress. Many pregnant ladies feel they should stick to muted, darker colours for a slimming effect, but why should you have to hide your bump? Stand out in this season’s vivid rainbow hues, with vibrant orange, electric blue and ravishing red all being popular choices on the catwalk.

If bright colours are a step too far, then there’s no reason why you should have to fade into the wallpaper, why not opt for a pretty paisley print or stick with flirty florals, which are a big trend for Spring/Summer 2011, so you’ll have plenty of options.

So, if you’re looking for a ‘feel good’ outfit for your pregnancy then remember that pretty dresses don’t need to lounge in the back of your wardrobe and there are plenty of options out there that you can wear and be comfortable in, no matter what stage of pregnancy you’re in.

Guest post by: Jim Higley, author of Bobblehead Dad: 25 Life Lessons I Forgot I Knew

I’m often asked, “What’s the most important thing to raising healthy, happy kids?”

And I always pause. Because, candidly, nothing is as important to me as the physical and emotional health of a child. The truth is, I think there are numerous components in fully answering that question. But we live in a world where people like things simplified. We like sound bytes, don’t we?

So, when pushed, here’s my sound byte answer to that question.

Be available to them.

I’m talking available physically. Emotionally. And spiritually. I’m talking 24/7. I’m talking about building a connection with your child that tells them—without doubt—that you are always there for them, under every circumstance, no matter what. To me it’s the most valuable gift to give a child. It tells them that they are person of value.

And it also forms the foundation for a lifetime of positive, healthy communication between the two of you! -Jim Higley

Jim Higley is the Bobblehead Dad – writer, speaker, life observer and cancer warrior. A single father raising three kids, Jim’s first book Bobblehead Dad: 25 Life Lessons I Forgot I Knew celebrates the stories waiting for us in the nooks and crannies of every day. Jim writes a weekly parenting and family column, Bobblehead Dad, for Chicago Tribune’s TribLocal and is also a contributing writer for The Good Men Project and Man of the House. You can read more from him on his website, BobbleheadDad. Jim’s also the inaugural winner of the World’s Greatest Dad Challenge, sponsored by Man of the House. His kids, however, are requesting a recount. Read more about him at www.BobbleheadDad.com.

Excerpt from Bobblehead Dad: 25 Life Lessons I Forgot I Knew (reprinted with permission)

As a kid, I collected bobbleheads. As an adult, I had become one.

With four older brothers, I sort of inherited their old bobblehead dolls when I was a young boy. They were all baseball player bobbleheads. Truthfully, I didn’t even like baseball that much, but I thought it was fun to play with the little figurines and their spring-loaded heads.

My favorite was a Mickey Mantle bobblehead. I liked seeing how long I could keep his noggin in motion with just the right flick from my index finger. Too hard and I’d end up with a spastic head jerk that came to a sudden stop. Too soft and the toy suffered the same fate. But when I found that perfect amount of pressure, I’d enjoy a bobble that would go on for a long, carefree bounce until the head ultimately rebalanced itself.

I was easily amused.

I also was fascinated by how Mickey’s face would maintain a permanent, frozen smile no matter how fast or furious his head rocked.

Thirty-some years later, I was much like that bobblehead, going through the motions of life—perfect smile and all—just bouncing away. By all accounts, I was living a full and abundant life with my family and my career. And, to a great degree, I was. Maybe you knew me back then. I was firing on all cylinders, always in a constant state of motion, and looking pretty stable.

At the time, I even thought I was doing pretty well. But the truth is things were moving so fast in my world, I stopped connecting with the events, experiences, and people waiting for me in each day. I survived by bobbling.

My best bobbling, I’m ashamed to say, was saved for my three kids. Consumed with a job that had me leaving the house long before they were up, I was exhausted by the time I arrived home in the evening.

“Wudya do today?” was my standard question for the kids as I tried to connect in some way to the worlds that were theirs.

As a young grade-schooler, my daughter, Wallis, would always provide feature-length film descriptions of her day, recounting every eye-opening experience and emotion. Like helium escaping from a balloon, her words couldn’t come fast enough. And there I was, wearing my Mickey Mantle smile, bobbling along and pretending to listen while many of her words ricocheted off me at lightning speed.

Bad. Bobbling. Dad.

Unfortunately, kids are smart, and they quickly sense when you’re not really paying attention to them. So they stop talking and, eventually, just grunt or nod.

That’s how we became a bobblehead dad and his three nodding children.

When I reached the age of forty-four, however, my bobbling came to a screeching halt. It was much like the day—as a child—I accidentally stretched Mickey Mantle’s head a little too far and snapped the spring. When my own bobbling world snapped, I found myself with an entire summer at home removed from all of life’s obligations.

How does a middle-aged guy manage to land an entire summer off? Well, I had cancer. It’s something my parents and siblings encounter with regularity. Some families have red hair. Or they spawn a lot of tall people. Mine produces very ordinary people who have a propensity for cancer. So I had plenty of training under my belt when my own world was turned upside down with surgery and a summer at home to heal.

But this is not only a cancer story. It’s a story about a dad who had a chance—at the halftime show of his life—to stop bobbling and relearn many of the life lessons he’d forgotten. It’s a story that reveals the meaning found in simple moments and the people who fill them.

Most importantly for me, it’s the story that unfolded a road map to living the second half of my life with intent.

(Copyright 2011: James R. Higley)

Children are bound to pick up bad habits from time to time. Unfortunately, some of those habits have worse consequences than others. One of these habits is cursing, and it can get your child in quite a bit of trouble when they are at school or in other public places (not to mention getting you stares from other parents!).

Here are some steps that you can take to help stop your kids from cursing. While it may take quite some time to break the habit, utilizing these steps will help you get on the way.

Talk about cursing

If your child starts cursing, take the time to talk to them about their new language choices. Explain to them what the swear words mean and how their language is very hurtful to others. Let them know that many people are very uncomfortable hearing these words and that it will change their perception of the child.

When talking with your child, acknowledge that there are times when it is difficult to express how you feel. Help them identify appropriate words they can use in these situations and other ways they can help calm down so they don’t need to result to cursing.

Establish rules and stick to them

Kids won’t know that swearing isn’t allowed unless you tell them. Establish a “no cursing” rule for the entire family—that includes the parents and other siblings, even if they are older and no longer live at house. If you do have older children who have moved out of your home, talk to them about the rule and ask that they follow that rule when they are around the other children to help set a good example.

When creating the rule, you must also establish consequences. Some families create a “cursing jar” where family members have to deposit a quarter each time they swear. Other parents have found success in banning their children from electronics, bikes or other toys. If you have older teens, you could take away driving, phone or credit card privileges if they are swearing excessively.

Change your behavior

Children listen and watch how their parents interact with others. If you tend to let swear words slip out when you are frustrated or angry, then they are likely to model this behavior. This means that you need to be careful with your word choice. You can’t expect your child not to use offensive language if you continue to use it.

Stop the conversation

After you have established the house rules and modified your behavior, be consistent with your disciplinary approach to continued swearing from your child. When they start to use curse words, remain calm, ignore the cursing (for now)and end the conversation. Tell them that you do not want to discuss the topic anymore.
Once both you and your child have calmed down, sit them down for a serious discussion. Remind them that the words they were using are no longer allowed to be used by the family. Tell them the consequence for their swearing and make it go into effect immediately so they can see the impact of their actions.

Be consistent

To truly break your child’s habit, you will need to be consistent with your discipline. You will need to uphold the no swearing rule each and every time you catch your child cursing. Be sure to issue the consequence each time. If you are inconsistent, you are not showing your child that you are serious about their behavior.

Daniela Baker is a social media advocate at the credit card blog, CreditDonkey. She is also a mother of 2 and knows how difficult it is to break your child’s habit.

Every child is gifted with a simple form of logic and honesty that can reveal a timeless wisdom to all parents. However, when a child shares his/her wisdom in a way that feels like a personal attack, the common response from a parent is to become defensive and shut the conversation down.

Creating a relationship that allows a child to “hold a mirror up” to you as a parent can be challenging at first, but it will strengthen the parent-child connection in powerful ways. When we are willing to hear and see how our children are experiencing us  - that is, “when I am willing to see the way my child sees me” – we are gifted with information that will enable us to grow and deepen as parents. Your child’s wisdom will not benefit anyone if you perceive your child’s words as a personal attack. If you are able to listen objectively and embrace what is shared simply as information, everyone benefits.

Try to use and remember the mantra, “it’s not personal, it’s information” as you listen to your child.

In my counseling practice, there is a simple question that opens a flood gate of information about what children SEE when they look at us as parents. When I ask the question, “What are you learning from your parents?” I am given a glimpse into the relationship rules a child is learning through their parent-child relationship. The wisdom in their answers can cause many parents to struggle to accept the truth in the information. When they can accept it for what it is, however – simply as information – they soon realize that it is not a stamp on their performance as a parent, but the beginning of a new dialogue that will deepen and enhance the parent-child connection.

It is important to know how your child SEES and EXPERIENCES you as a parent.

Here are some of the not-so-perfect relationship rules children express when asked, “What are you learning from your parents?”:

I’m learning to raise my voice to get people to listen to me.

I’m learning to hurry because we are always late.

I’m learning to focus on what is “wrong” with people instead of what is “right” about them.

I’m learning to say sorry and then quickly give a reason for what I did wrong.

I’m learning that it’s okay to focus on what the other person did wrong instead of what I did wrong.

I’m learning to use bad words when I’m irritated.

I’m learning to shake my fist at someone if they upset me.

I’m learning to use threats.

I’m learning to talk and text while driving.

I’m learning to ignore someone when you don’t like what they say.

I hear an equal number of positive relationship rules and these are often much easier to take in as parents (for example, I’m learning to that families love eachother even when they are angry). Kids hold mirrors up to us all the time. Though we may not take every word as something we need to change, it is important to pay attention and find the wisdom in what they are saying.

Take time in the next 24 hours to listen and to see what your child is teaching you through that mirror! Make a conscious decision about whether or not this is how you want to continue to have your child SEE you. If not, ask yourself, “what is one thing I would like to consciously focus on improving when I am with my child?”

This article is located on the Blog of Dr. William Glasser, author of one of my favorite books: Choice Theory.

Read Mary Amanda’s excellent article about using self-talk to improve relationships here: http://freedomthroughchoices.blogspot.com/2011/04/using-self-talk-to-improve-important.html It’s a long yet easy read about a simple story that probably faces all of us virtually every single day!

Then, post your questions or comments right here, so that we can help each other to make decisions that aid us in building solid and healthy relationships.

To our children’s success,

Ellen

If you have not yet read ‘Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom’ then I urge you to do so now.  You can purchase a used copy for as little as one penny here:  Choice Theory on Amazon

When we behave in a manner that yields more connection between the two parties, then we are engaging in connecting habits. On the other hand, if we were to act in a way that promotes disconnection, then we would be doing one or more of the seven deadly habits.

The 7 Deadly Habits are:

1. Criticizing
2. Blaming
3. Complaining
4. Nagging
5. Threatening
6. Punishing
7. Rewarding to control (as in manipulating)

The 7 Connecting Habits are:

1. Caring
2. Trusting
3. Listening
4. Supporting
5. Negotiating
6. Befriending
7. Encouraging

Do you recognize your own actions anywhere in these lists?

In my next article, I will address a common question: “But if I don’t nag/threaten my daughter, then she doesn’t listen to me!”

When my son was in the 7th grade, I was told in May of that year that his teacher wanted to hold him back due to low test scores, lack of interest, and lack of effort. Although I immediately disagreed with the later two, I suggested having him tested for a learning disability. I was told that there was no way in which to get him tested before the end of the school year. Then I suggested summer school in which I was told that would be double jeopardy. Huh, I questioned. It was explained that they do not do both. They don’t hold a child back and send him to summer school too. This did not make sense to me. If a child is in jeopardy of failing I believe that child should have all available resources afforded to him but apparently I was alone on this issue and in my thinking. I refused to sign the form allowing them to hold him back.

I didn’t know what to do but what I did was two things. I immediately filed an appeal with the school district. Secondly, I remembered that I had a recent connection with someone who worked for the school district and in counseling testing department at that. I called this person and asked for a favor in which it was granted. My son had completed all testing within three weeks. As it turned out he did in fact have a learning disability. While attending the next meeting with two of his teachers, the principal, and a learning resource specialist, the principal announced that he would not be held back due to the appeal that I filed.

One teacher was visibly upset by this news and questioned why I was able to do this. Because I’m his mother and his advocate that’s why. I will never forget her response in which she said, “Allowing him to pass is a big mistake. We will all be right back here next year this time and he will never pass the state exit exams.” Then she went on to say that she was refusing to sign any forms in which stated that she was in agreement with this new decision.

I am happy to report that although my son was eligible for special resources, he only utilized them for two years. All he needed was a different style of teaching to match his different style of learning. I understand that teachers cannot cater to each and every student’s learning style due to the enormous class sizes. I also believe that as parents we need to speak up for our children and advocate on their behalf. Most students want to succeed and will believe in themselves more when they see others believing in them. Parents should not be afraid to stand up for their children in any circumstance.

Last but not least, my son made the honor roll almost every semester beginning with 8th grade. He is now a senior and will be graduating in June. He has passed both high school exit exams and has had his driver’s license for the past 1 ½ years. He just completed an application for the local community college and will start working on his Associates Degree in Graphic Design beginning this Fall. If you can’t tell by now, I am so proud of him for not giving in and giving up. We already have enough young men from single parent homes that meet that criteria, but not here!

One day, when Mitchell was under two years of age (now three years old), he took a chair from the kitchen and started dragging it into the room. We have carpet outside of the kitchen, so once he got to that point, it got much harder to push. However he persisted.

My husband, Gene, told him to stop and put the chair back in its place, but Mitchell didn’t listen.
Gene told him again. He started to get irritated and raise his voice. Mitchell did not yield, but continued to push the chair into the room.

By the time Mitchell reached the computer table where Gene was sitting, my husband was sternly looking at him and saying, “Why did you drag the chair here? Go put it back!”

Mitchell quietly pushed the chair toward Gene, looked at him with his sweet and innocent eyes and said, “Here you go dad. Sit down.”

He dragged the chair halfway across the apartment, through thick carpet, endured Gene’s reprimands and lovingly, with concern for his dad’s comfort, put it next to him so Gene could sit down.

We so often blame our family for not doing enough for us, reproach them for behaving unsuitably, criticize them for not doing things our way. But so rarely do we just love the people closest to us, with a pure and unconditional love.

Sure, maybe our parents criticize us; maybe they try to control us. Maybe our spouses ignore us or don’t want to understand how we feel. Maybe our siblings hold grudges against us from some childhood situations. But does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?

Let us learn from our children. Let’s persevere through the criticism, persist through the misunderstanding and, with love and concern, serve the people closest to us.

Let us love our family the way our children love us, with the purest love.