Choices!
If I had to summarize the moral of RaisingSmallSouls.com’s popular ‘Animal School’ movie, I would borrow the words of King Solomon: “Educate a lad according to his way; even in old age he will not depart from it.”
While there is a plethora of educational strategies that aid us in individualized education, in accordance with ‘educate a lad according to his way’; how can we be certain that the lessons we impart in our children will remain with them in adulthood? What is the optimal manner of imparting values in our children that don’t go in one ear out the other- yet actually become engraved onto their hearts?
Unlike the driver who speeds down the highways, slowing only when his radar detector alerts him to a potential speeding ticket, what is the best way to raise a child to maintain his good behavior- even when his parents are not there to watch him?
I believe the answer can be found in not only teaching our children good habits and virtuous character traits, but also teaching them to make good choices. It’s the stuff that life is made of, the unique capacity that defines our humanity; the ability to choose.
The numerous decisions that we make every day give us boundless opportunities to teach our children to make wise decisions.
For example, instead of simply instructing a six-year-old to look both ways prior to crossing the street, we can add the concept of choice to the directions: “When you are crossing the street you are making a choice to take care of yourself. You look left, right, and left again because you want to cross the road safely to the other side.”
As your child gets older, the conversation can continue regarding healthy behaviors: “In our family we do not have cake for dinner because we choose to make good decisions about what we do to our bodies.”
Equally essential to promoting healthy physical habits, are emotionally wholesome behaviors.
The ability to choose a reaction to an emotion is what gives emotionally intelligent people an enormous advantage in dealing with life.
There is a huge, oftentimes overlooked, distinction between emotions and reactions to those emotions. If someone were to cause me pain, my immediate and natural reaction would be to hurt that person. However, the ability to make a choice regarding the expression of my emotion would allow me to think, “I’d really like to take revenge, but I am simply not going to do it.”
Children must understand that is it ok to occasionally feel anger or contempt, yet it is not ok for them to act out in hateful manner. Teaching our children to name, and thus actually own, their emotions, and then to think and choose their behavior- rather than simply being a slave to the emotion of the moment- is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.
Raising children effectively means preparing children for life, and life has many surprises waiting for all of us.
There are so many things that we cannot control. Relatives, the economy and our health, to name just a few.
A wise message to be internalized by our children, as well as ourselves, is that, “We have little control over many of the circumstances in our lives, however we have total control over how we react to them.”
Making good choices is a learned skill. Along the road to teaching decision-making your child will inevitably make some bad choices. As long as their effect is not dangerous, let the faulty decisions be a stepping-stone for her to learn the art of making well-informed, positive choices.
It is the cumulative effect of many wise decisions- such as delaying gratification and choosing healthy habits- that yield a successful life.
Happy Parenting:)