Comments for Raising Small Souls

Comment on Children’s Emotional Needs by Anne

Anne — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 19:01:24 +0000

What a paradigm shift, thanks for this post, Ellen. I have to look at my kids’ behavior as an expression of need rather than their desire to drive me up the wall!

Comment on Children’s Emotional Needs by Lexi

Lexi — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 19:00:30 +0000

Seriously, I was just wondering, “Why is my daughter DOING this to me???”

Now I’m realizing that she has unmet needs, and she is certainly not attempting to challenge me. I just ordered Pam’s book, thank you!

Lexi

Comment on Odelia Schlisser by Ellen C. Braun

Ellen C. Braun — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:07:25 +0000

Jeanette, you can reach Odelia at ogoelman@yahoo.com or I can send other coaches your way.

Comment on Odelia Schlisser by jeanette

jeanette — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:20:00 +0000

trying to reach odelia schlisser or another life coach that can help with my grandson

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Rebecca

Rebecca — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 05:37:59 +0000

Yes! It technically gave me permission to actually take time for myself! I will try it out this week, after making sure it’s ok with my husband. I haven’t had time to remember to order the book, but I’ll do it shortly, I promise!

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Chana

Chana — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 10:03:37 +0000

Great article and a good reminder for everyone! my 10 year old twins are very opinionated and I think they get plenty of attention because of that, but my 12 year old (going on to 13!!) shows signs of “leave me alone” and “what do you want from my life”.
I will definitely try to really connect more!
Thanks

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Sue

Sue — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 05:45:20 +0000

Great article! It reminded me of a comment I made to my husband about how I was appalled one morning on my way to work as I witnessed a woman waiting with her 5 year old daughter on the bus stop. Instead of talking or playing with her daughter, she was talking on her cell phone as her daughter just stood there waiting for the bus. What a waste of valuable connection time! I see this happen way too often and shame on those who choose to disconnect with those around them, especially their children, as they yak on their cell phones.

Comment on My Anniversary by casual friday every day

casual friday every day — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 01:35:06 +0000

I wasn’t sure if you meant 12th of the blog or of your marriage, but by judging the other comments I take that it’s your marriage. Either way, 12 year is awesome! Congrats.

Nell

Comment on Quality Time With Children by nalini

nalini — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 07:45:28 +0000

wow!! just what i needed…my 12 yr old is showing all the signs and this article has just made me realise that i need to connect with her despite by hectic schedule..thanks ellen u always save the day…

Comment on Peer Pressure by Alan Carson

Alan Carson — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 23:23:21 +0000

Connie:

I believe you have a dilemma on several fronts. First, if your son has had trouble becoming part of a peer group, it would be unkind, critical and counterproductive for you to say, “You need to get new friends.”

Second, how to handle it if your son starts going downhill. I think I would say,”Joe, I am glad you have made friends- that must feel great. I hope they are good friends, but in the event they start mischief I trust you will be a positive influence on them versus them being a negative influence on you. Either way, we’ll hold you accountable if bad things happen when you are with them. There will be no excuses, so make good choices.”

Comment on Time-Management-for-Kids by Jacquelyn Dunn

Jacquelyn Dunn — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 23:14:20 +0000

Ellen , Your tips on time management have been a great way to save time so I can spend more time with my grandkids. They now help with the clean-up (of toys) in a timely manner without having to ask them a dozen times.We now have more time with each other.

Comment on Peer Pressure by Michelle

Michelle — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 20:09:26 +0000

Wow! This article is excellent! The insights are pointed and practical! I actually felt the truth of that the ideas you expressed resonate within me – it was as if my heart was nodding along as I read. Thank you for sharing this wisdom! I definitely want to reread this article again and again!

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Kristin

Kristin — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:02:15 +0000

Connection time can be real simple, too. I know that work demands and takes a lot out of parents, but our children are our future. Connection can be as simple as doing homework side by side or reading. Brushing or braiding hair for older girls is also a way to connect. On weekends, games are great. Games like hockey or football where you can include all members on the family just with some slight rule changes for the younger children so that they feel like they are being valued too. Card games and board games are great. A strong family unit is the best gift and blessing that you can give to your children.

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Ellen C. Braun

Ellen C. Braun — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 13:00:18 +0000

Thanks for pointing this out, Monika. Yes, there can be a variety of reasons for avoiding physical contact, and we can learn to understand our individual children and their tendencies and cues!

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Monika

Monika — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 05:59:11 +0000

I totally love this article and will be working on this skill with my three children BUT I think it is important to point out that avoiding eye contact and shrugging off hugs is ALSO a way of saying “I can’t take your sensory stimulation right now” or “I’m overwhelmed.”

One of my children has Sensory Processing Disorder and ADHD and if avoided eye contact and shrugged off hugs and I used that as a cue to connect with him, he would probably punch me! Seriously… those cues mean back off for him.

So I mention this just as an educational bit for parents who may have undiagnosed children or parents who see someone like me treating my child differently than they would treat theirs.

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Ellen C. Braun

Ellen C. Braun — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 03:40:06 +0000

Thanks, Glenda, this has been an eye-opener for me as well. Just using the verbiage “connecting” or “disconnecting” as I think about my interactions with my kids has had a profound effect!

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Ellen C. Braun

Ellen C. Braun — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 03:39:14 +0000

That would be amazing, Tracey! But this is how they are wired- they are insecure as they grow and develop relationships with themselves and others. Kids’ attachment to one or more adults is their primary need, just as important as food.

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Ellen C. Braun

Ellen C. Braun — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 03:38:11 +0000

I can totally relate to your situation, Rebecca! And do contact me when you start your home business; that’s what I do here.

My first piece of advice would be to schedule 10 minutes of personal time for yourself when you transition from school to home. During the commute, or make a stop on the way home. Stop at a bookstore, coffee shop, meet a friend, get a quick manicure, do something you really LIKE and enjoy. That will fill your emotional bank account so that you have from where to withdraw the love and patience your family needs, and so that you aren’t running on empty.

And buy the book, Connection Parenting- it’s much cheaper than therapy;)

Was this helpful?

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Rebecca

Rebecca — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 03:13:20 +0000

I totally agree with the above ‘article’! I will be getting the book shortly! I have 5 children and am going to beauty school 40 hours a week right now (so that I can have an at-home business when I graduate). How on earth do I get all the housework done AND pay attention to my kids without losing my mind?! It seems they are always saying “Mom, Mom, Mom” and I get so overwhelmed with all of their needs, that I just shut them out after awhile. Of course, it tends to be more around that wonderful week of the month, too. I know they need my attention individually, but between my husband and 5 kids, it seems that I’m so worn thin constantly. Any suggestions?

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Ellen C. Braun

Ellen C. Braun — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 02:38:42 +0000

I agree with your analogy of the emotional bank account.

However, I also want to point out the level of CONNECTION that occurs during our time together.

I can take my son to the grocery because I need to buy food and have nobody to watch him. We will spend an hour together and have no meaningful connection. On the other hand, I can focus on making a segment of that time CONNECTION TIME by tuning into my son’s moods and interests. Since my kids have strong opinions about food, we can discuss which foods we will buy, how many items, why they like those particular foods, etc. At the end of this shopping trip, my son and I have grown emotionally closer.

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Jennifer

Jennifer — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 02:33:39 +0000

I like to think of kids with an emotional bank account like your savings account. Time equals money in this scenario. The more time you give to a child fills up their emotional bank account.

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Tracey

Tracey — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 00:46:28 +0000

I have seen this disconnect with my 4 yo since our older kids all returned home for school after a brief foray into the public system. He misses his momma time. I have begun to focus a little on him each day and I see it taking hold. Wouldn’t it be amazing if our kids could just know instinctively how much we love them. They’d never disconnect.

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Glenda Rodrigues

Glenda Rodrigues — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 00:35:51 +0000

Yes, that is definitely an eye opener. I thought just being around them and taking them to the parks while they played and i just sat back and relaxed was enough. I can see how much of the real connection time in participating is needed

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Kate

Kate — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 22:00:06 +0000

This is exactly what I was thinking when I read your email! It doesn’t matter WHAT you do, it’s HOW you do it! Great post!

Comment on Quality Time With Children by Emma

Emma — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:44:11 +0000

Marilyn, I agree, this is an eye-opening concept. My daughters get fussy and whiny when they feel disconnected, and I see that even though I spend enormous amounts of time doing things FOR them, I really must focus on doing more stuff WITH them.

Emma, mom of Kayla and Sarah