Comments on: How to Give Kids Consequences That Work http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/ Timeless Parenting Advice for Toddlers through Teenagers Tue, 07 Feb 2012 02:06:21 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Tyler http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-56711 Tyler Sun, 23 Oct 2011 23:48:26 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-56711 i only found this when attempting to spell consequences i figured it would auto complete if i typed in kids con and i was right i found it interesting that only women have commented on this. i only found this when attempting to spell consequences i figured it would auto complete if i typed in kids con and i was right i found it interesting that only women have commented on this.

]]> By: worriedmomof3boys http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-54318 worriedmomof3boys Wed, 29 Sep 2010 17:14:33 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-54318 Last night we found our 10-year-old son had stolen $150 out of my husband's wallet on Sunday and then another $100 off of our nightstand in our bedroom the next day. We found this out because we could not account for where the money had gone and it was our son's 10th birthday on Monday and he had mentioned that his Aunt had given him $250 as a gift, which we immediately questioned. He is a compulsive liar, although I find that very hard to write down and admit, but we do find that he does choose to lie over telling the truth whenever he can and thinks he can get away with it. Even over little things that for the life of me I can't understand what the point of lying about it accomplishes or why he would think it's necessary. As an example, we have found in the past that he hides his homework and lies to us, telling us he doesn't have any or that it's done, then goes back to school and lies to his teacher, telling her/him that he forgot it at home until such time as his luck/time runs out when the teacher and I end up talking or a note comes home, etc. We thought he had been getting better, that he was starting to tell the truth even though he knew he would be in trouble for what he had done, and we were rewarding him for that. Praising him for at least telling the truth, even though there would be a consequence for his err in judgement or whatever it was that he had done. Now to find that he's stealing... I can't begin to tell you how this terrifies me. When caught last night, he did admit it and when asked why he said it was because he really, REALLY, wanted something - Warhammer - and that it's very expensive and he didn't think that we would buy it for him because it is so expensive but he just really wanted it. We thanked him for being honest with us but I don't know how to reinforce with him just HOW serious his offense is. I'm concerned that he's done this before on a smaller scale and we just never noticed or even worse, that he's done this to others. He is our middle child, with four years between each of our boys, and quite honestly has probably been given more over all than either of his brothers over the years. Only by the sheer fact that he is athletic, like his dad, and his older brother is more booksmart/outdoorsy and his younger brother is only just reaching that age. His dad has probably spent more one on one time with him as has coached him since the beginning in both hockey and lacrosse and he even played rep lacrosse the year before last, with his dad being the trainer for the team. We have always given him whatever he asked for when it comes to birthdays or Christmas and have never withheld money when it comes to school trips, pizza days, attending other kids' birthday parties or anything. We even gave him a $100 gift voucher for Warhammer for his birthday that Monday evening when we took him out for his birthday dinner. (He had stolen the money prior to receiving the gift.) Now what? Do I cancel his birthday party that's been arranged for this coming Sunday with his friends from school and cousins? This is something that I know he's been REALLY looking forward to - not to mention been waiting to turn 10 to do as was going to be a party at a paintball facility, which you have to be 10 years old in order to be able to play. He also got a paintball gun and all the gear to go with it from his grandpa for his birthday. Those are the two things that he asked for his birthday - a paintball gun and Warhammer - and he got BOTH! Then to find he's been stealing from us... What is an appropriate consequence for such a serious offense? How do we ensure he NEVER does anything like this again? How do we drive this home with him without going too far? Also, what do I say to those that have already rsvp'd for the party? I don't even know all of their home phone #s to be able to call the parents... what a mess! Any suggestions would be much appreciated. Signed, very VERY worried Last night we found our 10-year-old son had stolen $150 out of my husband’s wallet on Sunday and then another $100 off of our nightstand in our bedroom the next day. We found this out because we could not account for where the money had gone and it was our son’s 10th birthday on Monday and he had mentioned that his Aunt had given him $250 as a gift, which we immediately questioned.

He is a compulsive liar, although I find that very hard to write down and admit, but we do find that he does choose to lie over telling the truth whenever he can and thinks he can get away with it. Even over little things that for the life of me I can’t understand what the point of lying about it accomplishes or why he would think it’s necessary. As an example, we have found in the past that he hides his homework and lies to us, telling us he doesn’t have any or that it’s done, then goes back to school and lies to his teacher, telling her/him that he forgot it at home until such time as his luck/time runs out when the teacher and I end up talking or a note comes home, etc.

We thought he had been getting better, that he was starting to tell the truth even though he knew he would be in trouble for what he had done, and we were rewarding him for that. Praising him for at least telling the truth, even though there would be a consequence for his err in judgement or whatever it was that he had done.

Now to find that he’s stealing… I can’t begin to tell you how this terrifies me.

When caught last night, he did admit it and when asked why he said it was because he really, REALLY, wanted something – Warhammer – and that it’s very expensive and he didn’t think that we would buy it for him because it is so expensive but he just really wanted it.

We thanked him for being honest with us but I don’t know how to reinforce with him just HOW serious his offense is. I’m concerned that he’s done this before on a smaller scale and we just never noticed or even worse, that he’s done this to others.

He is our middle child, with four years between each of our boys, and quite honestly has probably been given more over all than either of his brothers over the years. Only by the sheer fact that he is athletic, like his dad, and his older brother is more booksmart/outdoorsy and his younger brother is only just reaching that age. His dad has probably spent more one on one time with him as has coached him since the beginning in both hockey and lacrosse and he even played rep lacrosse the year before last, with his dad being the trainer for the team.

We have always given him whatever he asked for when it comes to birthdays or Christmas and have never withheld money when it comes to school trips, pizza days, attending other kids’ birthday parties or anything.

We even gave him a $100 gift voucher for Warhammer for his birthday that Monday evening when we took him out for his birthday dinner. (He had stolen the money prior to receiving the gift.)

Now what?

Do I cancel his birthday party that’s been arranged for this coming Sunday with his friends from school and cousins?

This is something that I know he’s been REALLY looking forward to – not to mention been waiting to turn 10 to do as was going to be a party at a paintball facility, which you have to be 10 years old in order to be able to play. He also got a paintball gun and all the gear to go with it from his grandpa for his birthday. Those are the two things that he asked for his birthday – a paintball gun and Warhammer – and he got BOTH! Then to find he’s been stealing from us…

What is an appropriate consequence for such a serious offense? How do we ensure he NEVER does anything like this again? How do we drive this home with him without going too far?

Also, what do I say to those that have already rsvp’d for the party? I don’t even know all of their home phone #s to be able to call the parents… what a mess!

Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Signed, very VERY worried

]]> By: daisy http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-52459 daisy Wed, 26 Aug 2009 00:08:49 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-52459 I have strong suspicions that my 17 year old daughter is smoking cigarettes and pot. There are 2 new girls she hangs around with and I do think my daughter is making bad choices when she's with them. Do I give consequences when I have no proof? How do I deal with this? I have strong suspicions that my 17 year old daughter is smoking cigarettes and pot. There are 2 new girls she hangs around with and I do think my daughter is making bad choices when she’s with them. Do I give consequences when I have no proof? How do I deal with this?

]]> By: JOHANE http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-51868 JOHANE Sat, 07 Feb 2009 21:23:00 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-51868 I have a 14 year old boy who spends lots of time in his room alone on the computor playing games talking to other people. He is a good student He has never been in trouble at school or elsewhere. Last night my neice ( who is the same age ) had a party at her house with friends from her school girls and guys I convinced him to go even though he did not know anybody other the my neice of course, He lasted about half an hour and he called me and said he wanted to come home He was bored nobody was talking to him he was just standing there and everybodyelse was talking to everybodyelse but him, they don't have anything in common he was listening to the things they were talking about and they were nothing he was interested in he was bored and he did not want to just stand there he felt bad because he likes his neice alot and he did not want to hurt her feelings because he did not like her freinds. I tryed to convince him that is was just the beginning of the party to give it a chance but there was no way he wanted to stay there. My neice invited him because she is a very social butterfly and my son is such a loner and she wanted him to meet some of her guy freinds so he could have some social time outside of the house but it did not work. He was very sad he cries essaily my son because he thought he was hurting her feelings by leaving. Anyway I do not know if I did the right thing sending him there or picking him up now that I have read Jackie Carroll's reply. Need help I have a 14 year old boy who spends lots of time in his room alone on the computor playing games talking to other people. He is a good student He has never been in trouble at school or elsewhere. Last night my neice ( who is the same age ) had a party at her house with friends from her school girls and guys I convinced him to go even though he did not know anybody other the my neice of course, He lasted about half an hour and he called me and said he wanted to come home He was bored nobody was talking to him he was just standing there and everybodyelse was talking to everybodyelse but him, they don’t have anything in common he was listening to the things they were talking about and they were nothing he was interested in he was bored and he did not want to just stand there he felt bad because he likes his neice alot and he did not want to hurt her feelings because he did not like her freinds. I tryed to convince him that is was just the beginning of the party to give it a chance but there was no way he wanted to stay there. My neice invited him because she is a very social butterfly and my son is such a loner and she wanted him to meet some of her guy freinds so he could have some social time outside of the house but it did not work. He was very sad he cries essaily my son because he thought he was hurting her feelings by leaving. Anyway I do not know if I did the right thing sending him there or picking him up now that I have read Jackie Carroll’s reply.

Need help

]]> By: Jackie Carroll http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-51854 Jackie Carroll Wed, 04 Feb 2009 23:06:26 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-51854 I think you should just leave him alone. I used to be a loner,too,and I preferred to read.I was never a social butterfly,and,in fact,preferred guys like your son who were NOT all about social,or teenage-stuff as you call it .I am a paraprofessional in the education sect. He may always want just to do things by himself. Stop pushing him into something YOU want.Ask him if he wants to talk and tell him thatyou are there for him if he needs you. If not drop it!He will certainly turn to you if you are just there. If he is not doing anything against the law..be happy. Do not bug him about the job market unless you need his help for putting food on the table. Do tell him that you do NOT appreciate the mouthing off and to please go yell into a mailbox or something(remember FRED FLINSTONE did that when his boss made him mad. Anyway I hope these tips help.I turned out fine and I never did TEENAGE STUFF! I think you should just leave him alone. I used to be a loner,too,and I preferred to read.I was never a social butterfly,and,in fact,preferred guys like your son who were NOT all about social,or teenage-stuff as you call it .I am a paraprofessional in the education sect. He may always want just to do things by himself. Stop pushing him into something YOU want.Ask him if he wants to talk and tell him thatyou are there for him if he needs you. If not drop it!He will certainly turn to you if you are just there. If he is not doing anything against the law..be happy. Do not bug him about the job market unless you need his help for putting food on the table. Do tell him that you do NOT appreciate the mouthing off and to please go yell into a mailbox or something(remember FRED FLINSTONE did that when his boss made him mad. Anyway I hope these tips help.I turned out fine and I never did TEENAGE STUFF!

]]> By: bmk http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-51851 bmk Wed, 04 Feb 2009 08:58:46 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-51851 hi, I have a teenager. who is so serious all the time. not interested in any teenage stuff. just books, alone in the room, talks when feels like it otherwise just short bursts. went to uni; and came back the first term didn't like the course. we told him that maybe this is not for you but no he didn't listen extremely sturbborn. finally enrolled on the course we suggested earlier but at the moment nothing to do can't find a job due to credit crunch. whenever he speaks it is rude, imperative and no compliance.After tolerating and informing of the consequences I just told him to get out of the car and walk home until he starts to speak politely. No response from him yet, quite disturbed by all this. I know he is going through a difficult time because of the decision and all but his behaviour doesn't maKes it easy for us to help. please suggets some consequences to break this deadlock! hi, I have a teenager. who is so serious all the time. not interested in any teenage stuff. just books, alone in the room, talks when feels like it otherwise just short bursts. went to uni; and came back the first term didn’t like the course. we told him that maybe this is not for you but no he didn’t listen extremely sturbborn. finally enrolled on the course we suggested earlier but at the moment nothing to do can’t find a job due to credit crunch. whenever he speaks it is rude, imperative and no compliance.After tolerating and informing of the consequences I just told him to get out of the car and walk home until he starts to speak politely.

No response from him yet, quite disturbed by all this. I know he is going through a difficult time because of the decision and all but his behaviour doesn’t maKes it easy for us to help.

please suggets some consequences to break this deadlock!

]]> By: Dad http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46905 Dad Fri, 26 Sep 2008 16:09:20 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46905 Holly, I have girls age 5 and 4 who constantly hit each other. Both are very active and enjoy the outdoors. I used to play a good bit of golf and everytime we go to town we pass a driving range. Both girls repeatedly ask to go golfing. I made them a deal that if they could go 72 hours w/o hitting each other. I would buy them each a club. The oldest after starting over twice has earned her club. The youngest is still working toward hers and seems commited now that she has been able to hit her sisters club. We live within walking distance of a ballfield, so in the afternoon we learn the game of consequences and reward while still getting to hit things other than our sister. Its pretty fun for Dad too! Hope this helps. Holly, I have girls age 5 and 4 who constantly hit each other. Both are very active and enjoy the outdoors. I used to play a good bit of golf and everytime we go to town we pass a driving range. Both girls repeatedly ask to go golfing. I made them a deal that if they could go 72 hours w/o hitting each other. I would buy them each a club. The oldest after starting over twice has earned her club. The youngest is still working toward hers and seems commited now that she has been able to hit her sisters club. We live within walking distance of a ballfield, so in the afternoon we learn the game of consequences and reward while still getting to hit things other than our sister. Its pretty fun for Dad too! Hope this helps.

]]> By: Amita http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46438 Amita Wed, 17 Sep 2008 23:52:43 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46438 Are there any other parents who share concerns about the use of mobile phones, and giving them to kids in the belief that it is very important to them? They are a ticking timebomb, and I do not understand why many parents give in just becasue all the other kids have them...esp after all the research that links their use to brain tumours etc. Has anyone read the research on www.mercola.com... If anything it makes children more disrespectful, and is very antisocial. ... Are there any other parents who share concerns about the use of mobile phones, and giving them to kids in the belief that it is very important to them? They are a ticking timebomb, and I do not understand why many parents give in just becasue all the other kids have them…esp after all the research that links their use to brain tumours etc. Has anyone read the research on
http://www.mercola.com...

If anything it makes children more disrespectful, and is very antisocial. …

]]> By: nalini http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46420 nalini Wed, 17 Sep 2008 16:38:28 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46420 hi...really a good one and most needed. my younger daughter is 7 and has a tendency of saying whhite lies like sister hit me but when she hasnt or the teacher didnot listen to this while it would be something else only... i have caught her many times and made her realise that it doesnt work to lie like this, tried punishing,i am also hot headed and go for big guns so any suggestion for consequence which might help me in this situation? hi…really a good one and most needed. my younger daughter is 7 and has a tendency of saying whhite lies like sister hit me but when she hasnt or the teacher didnot listen to this while it would be something else only… i have caught her many times and made her realise that it doesnt work to lie like this, tried punishing,i am also hot headed and go for big guns so any suggestion for consequence which might help me in this situation?

]]> By: Christy http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46391 Christy Tue, 16 Sep 2008 15:57:22 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46391 Dr. Todd Cartmell's book, "Keep the Siblings, Lose the Rivalry" is a great source for how to be proactive in training kids to live together peacefully...so you don't have to be as full-time in the consequences department. It seems to me that putting these two sources together may be a grand-slam! Dr. Todd Cartmell’s book, “Keep the Siblings, Lose the Rivalry” is a great source for how to be proactive in training kids to live together peacefully…so you don’t have to be as full-time in the consequences department. It seems to me that putting these two sources together may be a grand-slam!

]]> By: Tracy http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46388 Tracy Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:07:46 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46388 My 19 year old son is back at home, going to college. He was staying up most of the night and dragging himself to school and to work the next day. He now brings me his computer and cell phone at 10:00 p.m., turns out his light at 10:30 and is not nearly as cranky and nonfunctioning as he was. It's never too late. My 19 year old son is back at home, going to college. He was staying up most of the night and dragging himself to school and to work the next day. He now brings me his computer and cell phone at 10:00 p.m., turns out his light at 10:30 and is not nearly as cranky and nonfunctioning as he was. It’s never too late.

]]> By: alicia http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46362 alicia Tue, 16 Sep 2008 03:07:25 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46362 I bought a book from the "American Girl" label that deals with feelings. It teaches appropriate responses to various situations. It has worked out for my nine year old girl. I found that sometimes you can avoid disrespectful behavior if you just teach a child how to express themselves approriately ahead of time. I am still working on my two year old that hits his older sisters. Telling him to use his words instead of his hands has not yet worked. I bought a book from the “American Girl” label that deals with feelings. It teaches appropriate responses to various situations. It has worked out for my nine year old girl. I found that sometimes you can avoid disrespectful behavior if you just teach a child how to express themselves approriately ahead of time. I am still working on my two year old that hits his older sisters. Telling him to use his words instead of his hands has not yet worked.

]]> By: Amy http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46361 Amy Tue, 16 Sep 2008 01:57:31 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46361 Our issue is with our five year old daughter. She can be so friendly and kind to our 4 year old, but then turn on her in an instant. She is verbally and physically abusive. We have tried rewards and punishment to end this behavior, but nothing has consistently worked. I liked the idea of rewarding small periods of appropriate time.small. Does anyone have other ideas that target this specific poor behavior? Our issue is with our five year old daughter. She can be so friendly and kind to our 4 year old, but then turn on her in an instant. She is verbally and physically abusive. We have tried rewards and punishment to end this behavior, but nothing has consistently worked. I liked the idea of rewarding small periods of appropriate time.small. Does anyone have other ideas that target this specific poor behavior?

]]> By: kimberly http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46360 kimberly Tue, 16 Sep 2008 01:54:24 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46360 wanted to add that i've had to go through this with my girl hitting her brother. wanted to add that i’ve had to go through this with my girl hitting her brother.

]]> By: kimberly http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46359 kimberly Tue, 16 Sep 2008 01:47:16 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46359 Holly, make sure you give the immediate attention to the child that got hurt & not the child who is doing the hurting. run over, give hugs & gently push the offendor behind you so as not to be receiving any attention, not even eye contact (all eyes on the one hurt), with a 'i'll talk to you in a minute, that behaviour is not okay'. Let the offender watch you tell the one hit that they do not deserve to be hit. once the one hit has been soothed, turn to the offender and have a converstion like Elaina suggested. explain the importance of saying sorry, feeling sorry and doing something to show that you are sorry. also explain the importance of using words when frustrated, not hands. encourage the younger to come to you or to take a minute alone when feeling frustrated if words are not working. sometimes it can be an attention seeking behaviour - positive & negative attention is still attention. lavish attention on good behaviour - catching the younger being good as the way to get attention. have a conversation with the older encouraging to give attention when the younger is being nice. i'm personally not one for timeouts. I am one for 'some time' that the child has control over. my 3 year old daughter, who is quite high spirited, already will run to her room saying she needs some time. but it is completely under her control. i'll ask her if she needs some time and she goes on her own and leaves on her own. In the heat of the moment she isn't always ready to go through the talking spiel. I'll tell her, "take some time to think & tell me when you are ready to talk", and sit close by until she says she's ready. if she trys to leave or to play i'll tell her not until we've had our talk. i find she listens a lot better when she is given the control to say she is ready. I hope this method will help her as an adult. I've started doing it for myself, when i'm real good and mad i'll tell my daughter - "give me a minute, i'm very angry, I need some time." Gives me a minute to gain composure & is setting an example for what I tell her to do. as always consistency & the pattern so the child knows exactly what is going to happen works wonders. my girl calms down quite quickly and has much better behaviour since i've started this system. and I believe it respects her. bad behaviour, not bad kids. hope some variation works for your family. Holly,
make sure you give the immediate attention to the child that got hurt & not the child who is doing the hurting. run over, give hugs & gently push the offendor behind you so as not to be receiving any attention, not even eye contact (all eyes on the one hurt), with a ‘i’ll talk to you in a minute, that behaviour is not okay’. Let the offender watch you tell the one hit that they do not deserve to be hit. once the one hit has been soothed, turn to the offender and have a converstion like Elaina suggested. explain the importance of saying sorry, feeling sorry and doing something to show that you are sorry. also explain the importance of using words when frustrated, not hands. encourage the younger to come to you or to take a minute alone when feeling frustrated if words are not working.

sometimes it can be an attention seeking behaviour – positive & negative attention is still attention. lavish attention on good behaviour – catching the younger being good as the way to get attention. have a conversation with the older encouraging to give attention when the younger is being nice.

i’m personally not one for timeouts. I am one for ‘some time’ that the child has control over. my 3 year old daughter, who is quite high spirited, already will run to her room saying she needs some time. but it is completely under her control. i’ll ask her if she needs some time and she goes on her own and leaves on her own. In the heat of the moment she isn’t always ready to go through the talking spiel. I’ll tell her, “take some time to think & tell me when you are ready to talk”, and sit close by until she says she’s ready. if she trys to leave or to play i’ll tell her not until we’ve had our talk. i find she listens a lot better when she is given the control to say she is ready. I hope this method will help her as an adult. I’ve started doing it for myself, when i’m real good and mad i’ll tell my daughter – “give me a minute, i’m very angry, I need some time.” Gives me a minute to gain composure & is setting an example for what I tell her to do.

as always consistency & the pattern so the child knows exactly what is going to happen works wonders. my girl calms down quite quickly and has much better behaviour since i’ve started this system. and I believe it respects her. bad behaviour, not bad kids.

hope some variation works for your family.

]]> By: Jackie http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46358 Jackie Tue, 16 Sep 2008 01:26:57 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46358 I used this when my tot was about 4. I bought an empty cigar box from a tobacco store. I took it home andsprayed it with lemon Zest( it is a wonderful aroma therapy ) next...we decorated it with colorful gift paper. This was now her treasure box. I filled it with cardboard gold coins ( about 10) She could earn one or more a day depending on her behavior. She also could lose them. It would be her discision to earn or lose "coins" We would make a chart so we could keep track of all coins earned or forfieted. At the end of the week we would add up the coins If She kept all 10 it meant a trip to MacDonalds. If she lost coins ,she would have to write me a letter and tell me why she lost it. If she doesn't write yet ,That is ok. She can scribble a note and read it to me.The consequences to losing coins is one TV show she cant watch,depending on how many coins are gone. She can redeem coins for extra good behavior ( good manners,helping ...make it simple) The more coins earned past ten the bigger the reward.( Maybe 20 might earn a sleepover) This system works and works for big kids too using quarters for teens maybe. I used this when my tot was about 4. I bought an empty cigar box from a tobacco store. I took it home andsprayed it with lemon Zest( it is a wonderful aroma therapy ) next…we decorated it with colorful gift paper. This was now her treasure box. I filled it with cardboard gold coins ( about 10) She could earn one or more a day depending on her behavior. She also could lose them. It would be her discision to earn or lose “coins” We would make a chart so we could keep track of all coins earned or forfieted. At the end of the week we would add up the coins If She kept all 10 it meant a trip to MacDonalds. If she lost coins ,she would have to write me a letter and tell me why she lost it. If she doesn’t write yet ,That is ok. She can scribble a note and read it to me.The consequences to losing coins is one TV show she cant watch,depending on how many coins are gone. She can redeem coins for extra good behavior ( good manners,helping …make it simple) The more coins earned past ten the bigger the reward.( Maybe 20 might earn a sleepover) This system works and works for big kids too using quarters for teens maybe.

]]> By: Karen http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46356 Karen Tue, 16 Sep 2008 01:20:21 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46356 I'm right there with everybody else! This came at the perfect time. I'm frustrated reminding my children the same things over and over again. I just (not more than 2 minutes ago) told my oldest son that the methods my husband and I are using aren't working and we need to do something different. As my boys get older, they either remain the same or get worse. Thank you so much!!!!! May God bless you for your wisdom. I’m right there with everybody else! This came at the perfect time. I’m frustrated reminding my children the same things over and over again. I just (not more than 2 minutes ago) told my oldest son that the methods my husband and I are using aren’t working and we need to do something different. As my boys get older, they either remain the same or get worse. Thank you so much!!!!! May God bless you for your wisdom.

]]> By: Lisa http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46355 Lisa Tue, 16 Sep 2008 01:07:51 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46355 We use a very similar sytem, but it adds an 'if / then' chart...if this behavior happens then this is the consequence. works even for 3 year olds...example: disrespectful behavior = loss of priviledge (could be time increments of TV, computer game, sugar, etc.), statement of apology with the an explanation of the bahavior to ensure there is an understanding of what was 'wrong'. the chart takes the emotion out of holding the kids accountable...it's the chart, not me. our chart is largely based on moral issues that we can reference w/ scripture so it's not even our rules, but rather, God's and who wants to mess w/ Him? We use a very similar sytem, but it adds an ‘if / then’ chart…if this behavior happens then this is the consequence. works even for 3 year olds…example: disrespectful behavior = loss of priviledge (could be time increments of TV, computer game, sugar, etc.), statement of apology with the an explanation of the bahavior to ensure there is an understanding of what was ‘wrong’. the chart takes the emotion out of holding the kids accountable…it’s the chart, not me. our chart is largely based on moral issues that we can reference w/ scripture so it’s not even our rules, but rather, God’s and who wants to mess w/ Him?

]]> By: Ellen C. Braun http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46352 Ellen C. Braun Mon, 15 Sep 2008 19:53:34 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46352 The link is a bit slow due to volume- try again in a few minutes. Holly, what has oftentimes been effective is to role play with children- recreate the scene, ie- your brother had the truck and you wanted it and grabbed it. Next time your brother has the truck, what will you do? The link is a bit slow due to volume- try again in a few minutes.

Holly, what has oftentimes been effective is to role play with children- recreate the scene, ie- your brother had the truck and you wanted it and grabbed it. Next time your brother has the truck, what will you do?

]]> By: Miriam http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46351 Miriam Mon, 15 Sep 2008 19:43:08 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46351 The free trial link isn't working for me - anyone else having trouble? Thanks. The free trial link isn’t working for me – anyone else having trouble? Thanks.

]]> By: Elaina H http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46350 Elaina H Mon, 15 Sep 2008 19:40:15 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46350 Holly - I have a consistent consequence that works for my 5 year old boy. When inappropriate behavior happens, I gently point out his mistake, state that it is not good manners, not respectful, etc. (depending on what it is) and ask him to take Think Time - this is sitting out without noise or interaction for a few minutes to chill down and be removed from activity. After think time, we have a conversation that sounds like this: "Logan, why did you need think time? ..he tells me (I want him to know what his consequence/ time out is for- I've reminded him before the consequence began) then, "Why is this wrong?" he usually tells me how it effects others and himself. "How are you going to behave differently next time?" He likes to say, 'to not do it' - I don't let that fly :) We end with a hug, an "I love you and I'm glad when you care for others" and if appropriate an apology to whomever he has offended - usually his 2 year old sister who loves the hugs and kisses that come with it :) My inspiration is Super Nanny ;) Good luck with whatever you decide to try. and...before all else fails, I pray. Holly – I have a consistent consequence that works for my 5 year old boy. When inappropriate behavior happens, I gently point out his mistake, state that it is not good manners, not respectful, etc. (depending on what it is) and ask him to take Think Time – this is sitting out without noise or interaction for a few minutes to chill down and be removed from activity. After think time, we have a conversation that sounds like this: “Logan, why did you need think time? ..he tells me (I want him to know what his consequence/ time out is for- I’ve reminded him before the consequence began) then, “Why is this wrong?” he usually tells me how it effects others and himself. “How are you going to behave differently next time?” He likes to say, ‘to not do it’ – I don’t let that fly :) We end with a hug, an “I love you and I’m glad when you care for others” and if appropriate an apology to whomever he has offended – usually his 2 year old sister who loves the hugs and kisses that come with it :) My inspiration is Super Nanny ;) Good luck with whatever you decide to try.
and…before all else fails, I pray.

]]> By: Shauna http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46349 Shauna Mon, 15 Sep 2008 19:35:37 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46349 WOW. There always seems to be a power struggle at our house, I am definitly the parent who is gets frustrated and gives " the big Punishment" right off the bat. Then it ends up that I don't follow through with the punishment. I really am going to sit down and think of better solutions to the little{but reoccuring} issues at my home!!! Thanks!!! Shauna :) WOW. There always seems to be a power struggle at our house, I am definitly the parent who is gets frustrated and gives ” the big Punishment” right off the bat. Then it ends up that I don’t follow through with the punishment. I really am going to sit down and think of better solutions to the little{but reoccuring} issues at my home!!!
Thanks!!!
Shauna :)

]]> By: Amber Glinski http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46347 Amber Glinski Mon, 15 Sep 2008 19:24:10 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46347 This program sound intrigueing. I am a parent of four children. One with mild autism. The outline in this e-mail reminds me a lot of ABA and behavioral modification techniques we have used over the years as well as the Love and Logic principles. Just curious how different the two programs are. All in all it sounds as if good results can be achieved. This program sound intrigueing. I am a parent of four children. One with mild autism. The outline in this e-mail reminds me a lot of ABA and behavioral modification techniques we have used over the years as well as the Love and Logic principles. Just curious how different the two programs are. All in all it sounds as if good results can be achieved.

]]> By: Amy http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46346 Amy Mon, 15 Sep 2008 19:19:53 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46346 It sounds like he wants his brother's attention. Maybe if he has appropriate behavior with his brother for a small period of time, they get an activity together, such as time at he park, a movie(DVD), etc and work up to a larger block of time he has to display appropriate behavior. Maybe if he can keep it together for a week they get to go to a movie or bowling, etc. Hope it helps. It sounds like he wants his brother’s attention. Maybe if he has appropriate behavior with his brother for a small period of time, they get an activity together, such as time at he park, a movie(DVD), etc and work up to a larger block of time he has to display appropriate behavior. Maybe if he can keep it together for a week they get to go to a movie or bowling, etc. Hope it helps.

]]> By: Amy Hughes http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/comment-page-1/#comment-46345 Amy Hughes Mon, 15 Sep 2008 19:02:48 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/consequences/#comment-46345 This is great! I couldn't agree more this came at just the right time! My husband and I are having a hard time dealing with our 13 yr old son. We really needed to find other ways of dealing with him and making him understand why at the same time. Thanks so much Ellen! This is great! I couldn’t agree more this came at just the right time! My husband and I are having a hard time dealing with our 13 yr old son. We really needed to find other ways of dealing with him and making him understand why at the same time. Thanks so much Ellen!

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