Nominate a Friend to Win a Workshop Scholarship!

FIVE lucky winners will be chosen to receive a free scholarship to RaisingSmallSouls’ upcoming Parenting 101 & 102 Workshop.

Here is how it works:

• Check out the upcoming Parenting 101 & 102 Workshop:  http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/parentingworkshop/
• Think about a friend or family member who would benefit greatly from the workshop, but cannot afford to attend.
• Leave a comment below that anonymously describes how your friend would gain from the Parenting 101 & 102 Workshop.

Some caveats:

• You may not nominate yourself.  (Sorry!)
• Use your real email address in the “Speak your mind” form, so that we can contact you privately to obtain your nominee’s email address.
• Melody Spier, my incredible assistant from http://essentialofficesupport.com/ will choose the five winners based on merit.
• Expires midnight of March 1, 2011, so act quickly!
  

My Commitment to Parent Education

 

My Commitment to Parent Education

by:  Alan Carson

ACPI Coach for Parents and Parent Educator

PARENTING TWEENS & TEENS WORKSHOP:  Reserve your slot right now — CLICK HERE!

After years as a high school health education teacher and basketball coach, I received my school guidance counselor degree and looked forward to my second career as a middle school guidance counselor. I was also looking forward to being a first time father. The combination of these two events led me to want to initiate parent education classes for our parents.

I believe most of you would agree that when you are anticipating the birth of your first child, you spend a lot of time reflecting on the kind of person you are and the kind of person you need to be— and how to make that transition. I clearly remember dwelling on these things:

1.  I was pleased with my relationship with most of my students, but was not  at peace with my interactions with other students. I would need to  change my behavior and my attitude; I would need to be an effective, caring  school counselor for all kids— regardless of whether I liked each student.

2.  The most amazing kids I worked with almost universally had loving, dedicated, and fun parents. Therefore, I concluded that if I were the parent  I needed to be, I would raise a great kid. I concluded nurture was stronger than nature.  No excuses.  Regardless of my child’s issues or temperament, she would be a good person.

3.  I would not be an effective leader for my students or my daughter if I didn’t work to be a better person myself ( my occasional poor response when angry was one example). Within the first several years as a counselor and  father, I read twenty good parenting books, and to date have read close to a hundred related books. I reflected on what I read and accepted what made   sense to me based on my career with kids, and rejected what did not. Slowly   over time I moved away from the parent education program I started with         and created a course that worked for me.

4.  There is no way I could facilitate parenting classes unless I walked the talk, and my child was developing into the person I envisioned her to be.

My commitment to the class members was this: if the topics we addressed in class were not working at home with my daughter, I will stop facilitating  classes. I’ll conclude by saying my daughter is now a freshman in college and parent education/coaching is still my passion.

The reason parent education is so important is that it gives you a philosophical basis for making parenting decisions and for responding to problems.  For example, I relied on my “new” wisdom when my daughter:

• kicked me and spit on my when she was seven

• acted like a spoiled brat when we took her on nice trips;

• failed to show gratitude

• wanted to watch television while doing homework beginning in the 6th   grade

• had a friend who I thought was a bad influence

• expected to have or attend sleepovers when the opportunity arose

• asked to be dropped off at a party after the 9th grade Homecoming Dance

• was devastated when she wasn’t chosen for the Chamber Choir in high  school

• wanted a cellular phone in 5th grade

This is the benefit of taking a comprehensive parent education course.  At the conclusion of the course, you are a different person with new skills and tools. You’ll think before making decisions, you will get angry less often, you’ll listen better and you won’t own all of your kids’ problems.  A whole new set of challenges comes into play with teens. Ellen, Vivian and I guarantee you will be a better parent s a result of taking this course— it comes with a money-back guarantee!

Weekly curriculum

Week 1: Parenting with a vision; Parenting leadership

The culture of neglect

The value of struggle

Self-esteem, self-concept and self-worth

Praise and recognition

 

Week 2:  What is your parenting style

Letting Go

Responsibility

Discipline vs punishment

 

Week 3:  Discipline

Why anger is counterproductive

Power struggles vs giving choices

 

Week 4:  Discipline wrap-up

Problem Ownership

Communication; being a safe listening presence

 

Week 5:  Communication

Week 6:  Sibling Rivalry

Sexuality and the teen culture

Drinking and the party scene

PARENTING TWEENS & TEENS WORKSHOP:  Reserve your slot right now — CLICK HERE!

 

 

 

 

Ten Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Ten Essential Tips for Parenting Teenagers

First – it’s true. The teenage years are the most difficult years of a parent’s life. Perhaps not immediately, but when you stop and look at the stages you can expect to observe in your child’s life, you quickly realize your friendly 14-year-old son may not even be speaking to you in another year or so.  And not out of any particular conflict you may have caused, either.

A Danish psychologist named Erick Erickson is credited with first observing and documenting recognizable stages of normal social development in a child’s life. These are the essential issues he observed children dealing with, from birth to age 19:

Age Period	Issues at Stake
0 – 1	Trust vs. Mistrust – the child is preoccupied with his basic needs being met
2 – 3	Autonomy versus Shame and Doubt – the child explores the world around him and experiments with handling the world on his own
4 – 6	Initiative versus Guilt – the child deals with autonomy, often through risk-taking, independent behaviors
7 – 12	Industry versus Inferiority – the child becomes aware of himself as an individual and begins to form moral values. Recognition through task completion becomes important.
13 – 19	Identity versus Role Confusion – for the first time, the child’s main concern is how they appear to others.  Development of sexual identity. “Who am I?” is the main concern. Bridge between childhood and adulthood. Reconciling societal and parental expectations with self analysis. Choosing personal ideologies and moral values

If you’ve ever experienced the phenomenon of a child’s teenage years that seem to start out with remarkable harmony and communication, only to shift seemingly overnight into silence, withdrawal and discord, what you have most likely run into is the shift into sexual identity that occurs some time during this long period of social development.

This is a very difficult time for many teens. They need to be free to explore society and relationships, and figure out their own beliefs, morals and values. At this time, parental beliefs, morals and values are subjected to merciless and critical scrutiny. Depending on how well a parent has helped his or her child through earlier stages, the ride may become bumpy to perilous as a child accepts or rejects everything you have taught him.

Setting Your Child Up For His Teens

If you have not done an adequate job of helping your child learn to get a handle on his age-appropriate issues, here is where you will reap the consequences rather than the rewards. But even if you have unselfishly done everything you can to gently encourage your child through each stage and tip him towards the positive side of each age issue, his crucial search for identity and solidifying his beliefs alone will be a confusing and anxious period for him.

This is one rarely-understood reason why children seem to prefer the company of and communication with peers, rather than their parents. It’s easier to talk to someone who is thinking the way you do, feeling the things you feel and coping with the same pressures – the people you have to measure yourself against for life – rather than choosing to talk to people who may, at this point, seem out of touch and obsolete.

The balance does shift back again when a child reaches their twenties, but a truly  close relationship may not develop naturally again until closer to your child’s thirties – depending on the choices they make and how you have handled parenthood.

Understanding The Natural Order of Parenting

All this is normal.  In nature, the deep, inborn instinct is for animal parents to be highly protective of their young – that much we share with the animal kingdom. As the baby animal or bird grows, however, parents begin to push it as quickly as possible towards independence and self-reliance, ruthlessly severing ties when the young animal barely reaches maturity.  They instinctively know that their baby’s very survival depends on this self-reliance and independence being learned as rapidly as possible.

We are the only species who regularly attempts to keep our children attached for life by an invisible umbilical cord.  However, the paradoxical truth is… the more self-reliant and independent we help our teenager become, the more he will stay bonded to us as an adult – not in a needy, dependent or immature way, but in a bond created of  love, friendship and mutual respect.

In other words, the old hippie adage of the 1970’s is actually true: “If you love something, let it go free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever.”

Of course, this cutting of the psychological umbilical chord has to be done wisely. It doesn’t mean suddenly letting your teen do whatever he wants or booting him out the door.  It means honoring each stage and helping your child learn each stage’s pivotal lesson – including fully experiencing the teenage years, where you gently give your child a careful balance of security and space:  The security of solid family values and a safety net he can return to and depend on at any time… and the space to explore how he fits into society and who he is meant to be as a spiritual, sexual and aware human adult.

Here are some tips for creating a healthy, lasting bond with your child – one that will survive the turbulent teens and provide you both with a lifetime of love, respect and enjoyment…

10 Tips on Becoming a Superparent

1. Be consistent. This tops the list in helping your teen sort out confusing teen issues and develop solid values. Be consistent in your values, morals and expectations – and follow through on promises and disciplinary decisions

2. Create and share experiences. The Play Station III may be what your teenage son thinks he wants right now – but positive experiences and adventures you share together are what will nourish him for a lifetime.  All the presents in the world won’t compensate a child for your absence, emotional or otherwise, during his formative years.

3. Teach him with love. Sharing your skills with your child is a great way to further strengthen your bond – but make sure you allow him to “own” whatever you’re teaching. Don’t compete, and resist the urge to show him you can do it better (remember, it’s his confidence you are trying to build, not undermine!)

4. Model charity.  Children who see only self-absorption will become self-absorbed. Teach him there’s a bigger world out there by your behavior and actions. Carry your elderly neighbour’s groceries in for her. Get your child involved in charitable causes – even if it’s just allowing them to observe your involvement.  Speak up for what is right and care about those who are too defeated and despairing to care about themselves.

5. Don’t Judge. Children who hear nothing but criticism – even if it’s about other people – will become critical themselves. They will not know how to truly love and accept other people. Criticism leads to shallowness and an emphasis on externals, rather than deeper principles.

6. Don’t play the “Blame-and-Shame” Game. It’s surprising how many parents who actively use an impartial problem-solving focus at work will switch to “blame and shame” at home, when dealing with your children. Blaming and shaming will gift your children with nothing but a head and heart full of guilt, leading to defensiveness, evasion, lying and resentment. Instead, focus on the problem, not the perpetrator. Ask your child: “Now. How can we fix this?”

7. Listen.  True listening is an art. It doesn’t mean muttering: “That’s nice, dear…” when your daughter tells you her heart has just been broken. Listening tells a child he is important enough for you to give him your whole attention. Show you are listening by asking thoughtful, considered questions. Let him speak. In fact, create opportunities for you to be together in a situation that promotes communication. Listen, acknowledge, question and validate.

8. Teach the law of consequences.  One of the worst mistakes you can make is to protect your child from the consequences of his own actions. Allowing a child to be accountable for his behavior and deal with the consequences will teach him the lessons you want him to learn more quickly than anything else in life. Parents who shelter their children from consequences are rarely ever thanked and usually blamed later in life!

9. Love each other. If you are part of a parental unit, treat each other with respect and don’t be afraid to show affection. Have time for each other. And respect yourselves. Let your child see everything you want him to be, when he is old enough to separate and bond with another human being. Remember, he will learn from what is modeled – not what is never observed. A daughter will not learn self-confidence if her mother is a “pleaser” who constantly sublimates her own needs. A son will not learn wisdom and warmth from a father who never has time for his own family.

10. Pay Attention! Pay attention not only to your child, but to your own speech, actions and behavior. Often the pivotal moment that sends a child firmly down one path for life stems from careless parental comments, or inconsistencies in speech and behavior observed by a child. Children observe more than you might think – and in teenage years, your past actions and speech will be melted in a crucible of merciless clarity as your child evaluates your example.

Parenting an animal is a relatively simple task, solely about survival on its most basic level – avoid the predators and find food and a mate.

Parenting a human being from birth to adulthood is an astonishingly complex job. You have to teach him intangibles such as values, morality, handling emotion, interacting positively with people and how to make wise life choices.

The rewards are greater than we can ever imagine, when we suddenly realize at the end of the long and complicated teen years that we have produced a caring, ethical human being who can really make a difference in people’s lives – just as we have made a difference in his.

Keep Kids’ Teeth Healthy With Smart Snacks

Maintaining a healthy smile starts with the food we put into our bodies at each meal. Kids may think that candy, chips and soda are great. These kinds of foods, however, leave residue behind that form harmful plaque on your child’s teeth.

Smart snacks will help with your child’s overall health as well as developing a bright, healthy smile.

Good Choices Start With You

“Our kids watch us for behavior cues throughout their years of development,” states Dr. Lance Heppler, DMD, a dentist in Vancouver, WA. In order to keep your child’s teeth healthy with smart snacks, it’s a good idea to work them into your diet as well.

Incorporate plenty of fruits and vegetables into your daily diet, and practice good oral hygiene in front of your kids by brushing and flossing twice a day. These habits will help your kids realize the importance of making good choices to keep their teeth healthy.

Your Kids’ Opinions Count

Including a variety of fruits and vegetables into your family’s diet doesn’t have to be one person’s responsibility. Buy and prepare fruits and vegetables in different ways, then ask your kids’ opinions about which ones they liked the best.

These kinds of conversations can also be a great opportunity for you and your kids to discuss what kinds of foods are good for their teeth. Include your kids when possible, and they’ll be more enthusiastic about the changes regarding what they eat.

List of Smart Snacks

To help your kids choose healthier snacks, begin the transition slowly. I started by shopping for and buying healthier choices and not purchasing the high-sugar foods we were used to eating. I found the easiest way to incorporate fruits and vegetables was to include one of each at lunch and dinner, and a fruit at breakfast. Crunchier foods, like apples and celery, naturally help to clean teeth and don’t leave residue behind.

These smart snacks can be added to a regular meal or eaten as a snack during the day:

Fresh Fruit

These can be served with low-fat yogurt or cream cheese to combine savory and sweet.

• Apples
• Berries
• Bananas
• Pineapple

Raw Veggies

Combine these with condiments like low-fat dressing or peanut butter for a yummy snack.

• Carrots
• Celery
• Cucumbers
• Broccoli

Dairy

Choose low-fat or non-fat options to keep a diet low in fat.

• Cottage cheese
• Yogurt
• Hard cheeses, like cheddar

Basic Dental Hygiene Tips

Build a basic routine with your kids when it comes to basic dental hygiene. They need to brush and floss their teeth twice a day, once in the morning and once before bedtime. Practice this habit with your kids, and make sure to get them in to see a dentist every six months. Together, these steps will ensure healthy, bright smiles for your whole family!

Kelly Wilson is a busy mom and freelance writer. For more information about keeping your kids’ teeth healthy, contact Dr. Lance Heppler, DMD, a dentist in Vancouver, WA.

Amy Chua Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

Tiger Mother: She’s Not My Hero

By:  Alan Carson

Alan Carson is an ACPI© Coach for Parents and the author of Before They Know It All:Talking to Tweens and Teens About Sexuality. Alan’s website is www.coachforparents.net and can be reached through e-mail at alancrsn@gmail.com Alan has also facilitated teleclasses for RaisingSmallSouls on a variety of parenting topics such as communication with teens, problem ownership, and talking to teens and preteens about sexuality.

Most of you would be familiar by now with Amy Chua, a Chinese-American mother, Yale law professor and author of the recently released book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Amy has appeared on numerous television interview shows in the past week, and many articles about Amy’s book have appeared in print because of Amy’s strict and inflexible parenting style, a replica how she was raised. Amy’s book is not a “how to” parenting book, but a memoir of her personal parenting journey with her two teen daughters, Sophia and Lulu. To clarify, “tiger” is in reference to being born in the “year of the tiger.”

Prior to sharing my opinions on her parenting style and philosophy, it is important to provide context. I spent thirty-six years in public education, my last sixteen as a middle school guidance counselor. As a result of my work, I am well aware that a disproportionate number of Asian Americans comprise the student bodies at our best universities— and the reasons for this phenomenon.

One of my favorite all-time students was AJ, who was born in India and sent by his father to live with his aunt and uncle in Pennsylvania— hoping AJ would have a better life. AJ wanted to be a teacher, however, after sharing this with his aunt and uncle, was immediately told that being a teacher was an unacceptable goal and would bring shame to his family. AJ was to work hard to become a physician. As you can imagine, AJ was a superb student and went to college at the top tier Case Western Reserve University, majoring in biology. I went to Cleveland to visit AJ and was struck by how few students were Caucasian Americans. I clearly recall saying to AJ, “AJ, there aren’t any white people here.” AJ’s response was, “Too many kids in the U.S. don’t value an education— everyone else in the world does.” I conclude by telling you that AJ reached his goal. He is a cardiologist who also teaches at in hospital in which he has his practice!

Regardless of the challenges we parents face, I am appalled with Amy Chua’s methods. Nevertheless, we have to keep in mind that the Chinese culture is different than our culture, and this is why it is not appropriate to make cultural comparisons regarding education. Three beliefs held by most Chinese people with respect to parenting are:

1) When children don’t excel academically, the family is shamed; it is a child’s duty to his parents to be exceptional in school
2) Anything less than an A is unacceptable
3) Being a kid, having fun, watching TV, and playing with friends or on the computer lacks value; devotion to work for future success is the target.

These Asian beliefs aren’t without fallout. The pressure to succeed, let alone failing to succeed, leads many young Asians and Asian Americans to suicide. This reality is well documented in our top tier schools. For example, even though Asian Americans only comprise 14% of the students at Cornell, 13 of the 21 on campus suicides between 1996 and 2006 were Asian/Asian American students. To quote journalism professor Betty Ming Liu, “Parents like Amy Chua are the reason why Asian Americans like me are in therapy.”

Specific to Tiger Mom’s book, I will list excerpts from her book (in bold) along with my opinion regarding her comments.

Amy made Lulu, age 7, practice the piano piece, The Little White Donkey non-stop for hours and hours one evening until she perfected it. No dinner, no water, no bathroom break— nothing. After numerous breakdowns and threats, Lulu played the piece perfectly and was very proud of herself.

At the very most, I could accept this once— to make the point to our child that, “You can achieve great things you never thought you could achieve if you work hard, stick with it, and refuse to make excuses.” After that, it is up to the child to tell himself, “If I can learn The Little White Donkey in one night, I can do anything.” To make this approach standard practice is insane.

Amy told Sophia she was “garbage” for talking to her disrespectfully. Amy’s father called her garbage as well for the same infraction. Amy said, “It worked. I felt terrible and really ashamed of what I had done. It did not damage my self-esteem. I knew exactly how highly he thought of me.”

Are you willing to take the risk that you can degrade your child and he would not be scarred by it? I hope not. It is a rare person who can border on being brutal with a child and have that child understand and respect why the adult said what he said. Some gifted sports coaches (i.e. Vince Lombardi) have been able to lead this way, but to say those things to your own child? Remember how offended we were when William Baldwin called his daughter a pig?

“Everything I do as a mother is built on a foundation of love and compassion.”

It doesn’t matter what I think I am doing. What matters is how my child interprets what I am doing. Is it OK to abuse your child and say, “I am doing this because I love you?” You’d be setting you child up to be in very abusive relationships because her boundaries were not respected— out of love!

“By disciplining me, my parents inculcated self-discipline.”

That is the goal— for our discipline to lead to self-discipline. But I don’t think the end justified the mean. There are more humanistic ways.

When Amy won 2nd place for something at a school awards assembly, her dad said to her, “Never, ever, disgrace me like that again.”
So, our kids should not be experiencing success for themselves, but for their parents? Totally disagree. My daughter’s life is her life, not mine. If she behaves badly, she is reflecting badly on her own character. She needs to accept responsibility for her own her life. If my daughter messes up, I want her to be disappointed in herself. I also think, what about the other parents and the other kids? Don’t they matter? Do I only win when I am better than everyone else? I am a winner, therefore you are a loser.

Paraphrasing Amy, “My parents didn’t think about our happiness when we were children, they thought about preparing us for the future.”

I agree. We want our kids to make it in the real world and whether they are happy at any given moment in their childhood is not the priority. If it is the priority, our kids will be wimps. On this very topic, I highly recommend Edward Hallowell’s book, The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness.

Amy’s kids practiced their instruments seven days a week, no excuses. While in Moscow, Amy got into an argument with Lulu, then 13, because she was not practicing the violin well enough and long enough. Quoting Amy, “All out nuclear warfare doesn’t quite capture it. After screaming and a glass smashing public showdown in a restaurant, I admitted defeat. ‘Lulu you win. It is over. We’re giving up the violin.’”
First, I do not like hearing parents say “we” when referring to something the child should own (i.e., “we need to start your homework.”) Second, power struggles are lose-lose. If our child doesn’t want us to win, he can dig his heels in. We have to keep in mind humans have basic psychological needs: fun, control, sense of belonging and feeling capable to name four. We have to meet our child’s needs. Making our child do something because it is important to us, yet not impacting us, is dysfunctional.

“Chinese parents demand their kids get A’s because we believe they can get A’s.”

It is wonderful to believe in your child and his capabilities, but what if he truly struggles to learn Geometry or Russian? Are we willing to ruin our relationship with our child over striving for A’s? Are we willing to turn every evening into a tension-filled battle? Of equal importance, people who pursue excellence in life are self-motivated, they love challenges, and they enjoy the journey.

The way I see it, there are better ways to achieve our goals. We can raise our children to be responsible, to be resilient, and to take pride in doing their best. Our kids can feel disappointment when they let us down without us telling them they should feel badly. We can raise kids to care about other people and contribute to their community. Lastly, we can have high expectations for our children, yet maintain a connected relationship with them.

Tips for Moving with Small Souls

Research shows that moving is one of the most stressful events in one’s life. That stress is not inclusive of just the adults managing the move – the anxiety, anticipation and worry also affect children as well.

According to the 2009 U.S. Census Bureau, 37.1 million people in the U.S. moved, which was a .6 percent increase over 2008. The majority of people cited housing-related reasons for initiating the move. Forty-five percent said they wanted to own a home or live in a better neighborhood, while 26.3 percent cited family concerns as the reason for moving.

Whether children are moving away from a familiar neighborhood or are being relocated due to family issues, it’s important to understand and anticipate how the move may impact them.

As a moving company, who moves over 1,000 families each day, we believe these tips will help you better support your children before, during and after moving day.

1.      Don’t Have Tunnel Vision: Many times as adults we’re so focused on the destination – a new job, a better neighborhood, a bigger house – that we forget about the transition. It’s extremely important that you think through how this change will impact your children’s day-to-day routine. Think about the 2-3 weeks before and after the move, make sure you communicate how the move will work, what they should expect on moving day and any responsibilities they’ll have pre- and post move. This will eliminate surprises and will allow them to express any concerns they have about the move.

2. The More the Merrier: The old saying rings true when moving with children. The more people involved in the moving process, the merrier. Get creative and incorporate your children into each step. Include them in visiting your new home; show them the new town and places that might interest them. Play a dinner game that includes trivia about your new town or have a moving box decorating party a couple weeks before your move date.

3. Clue into Closure: Understand the importance of closure. Organize a get together with your children’s friends so that they can exchange e-mail/mailing addresses and say their ‘goodbyes’.

4.      Get the Involved: Once the moving company truck has pulled away, it’s time to start phase two of the transition. One of the best things you can do is get your children involved with community activities early in the process. Be sensitive to the fact that they might not want to be left alone during the first soccer or cheerleading practice, so be ready to sit-the-bench for a few games. Slowly your children will find others with similar interests and will start making friends.

Moving alone is tough, but moving with children can be extremely trying and emotional for everyone involved. If you’re open with your communication, creative with the move process, conscious of closure and flexible with getting your children assimilated into a new neighborhood – moving will go a lot smoother for your whole family.

From: Jess Powell, Allied Van Lines Moving Company

Budgeting Tips for Young Families

A lot of young families have it tough.  Newlyweds are learning how to live together, starting careers, buying houses, paying bills, having kids: it’s exhausting and it’s expensive.

New parents get a crash course in budgeting as soon as kiddo #1 comes along, be it for weekly things like food and bills, big items like a college fund, or necessary extras like paying for nursery school or a babysitter. It’s about pinching pennies, finding shortcuts, and spending and saving the smartest way possible.

Some families live that way forever; others look back years down the road and wonder how they ever managed on such a small income.

Finances are stressful: there’s no way around it. Your job is to not let the demons of debt and paper cuts from coupons take away from any of the wonderful parts of starting a family.

Find Your Way to Budget and Save

Sorry – there is no secret method to perfect finances. Every family will do things a little bit differently. However, every budget plan has a similar format: taking a total income, subtracting the necessary expenses (for bills, food, mortgage, et cetera), then setting aside funds for important events (like heath care and college), and finally putting the rest toward family savings or fun extras (like a night out or a family vacation).

The key is to make sure you aren’t cutting into the money for necessary expenses and savings by spending too much on the fun extras: that’s when debt rolls in.

Scrimping Secrets

There are a few tried and true methods of stretching a small income over a growing number of family members.

• Having trouble monitoring your spending? Take out a set amount of cash for one week, and only use that cash to purchase items. Can you make it through all seven days? What items do you buy that aren’t necessary purchases?
• Plan a stay-cation. Spend time bonding with your family without busting your budget: consider going camping within driving distance from home, or going on day trips to local attractions.
• Spearhead a local carpool system with other parents to daycare, to work – even to the grocery store. Not only will you cultivate relationships with other families, you’ll save on gas money!
• Pack a lunch for yourself, your partner, and your kids instead of buying one. Even cheap fast food menus will cut into your budget more than homemade food.
• Speaking of food, embrace the power of the coupon! Turn coupon cutting into a fun family game: whoever finds the best deal gets the biggest slice of dessert.
• Learn new skills, like changing your own oil or giving haircuts. The extra dollars saved can go toward savings or a luxurious splurge.

Give Yourself a Break

You’ll rarely find a young family with perfect expenses. Learning how to budget, spend, and save is something you develop and grow into. Set goals for yourself and your family. When you reach those goals, treat your family to something special. Small rewards make budgeting less of a drag and more of a challenging game.

Emma T. is writer for Creditnet.com, whose credit card guide has helped all types of families with choosing a credit card and staying out of debt.

Help Your Kids Now

Guest post by:  Lance Williams

Help your kids NOW, no more I wish I would have’s

It may seem inevitable to look back and regret what could have been as a parent. With hindsight
we see how our temper may have impeded our ability to take advantage of a teaching moment, or
how our impatience caused our child’ s self-esteem to suffer. The truth is, we are not doomed to
this dismal outlook of parenting regret. With a few techniques, that are all easily to implement-
-starting today!–you can begin to help your kids now & set aside for good the ‘ I wish I would
haves’ .

Be in the Moment

As a parent of small children, it’ s easy to be overwhelmed by our never-ending task list.
Laundry, groceries, meal time, errands, nap time and cleaning are always on the horizon. Even if
we’ re not currently doing these things, we’ re thinking about when we’ re going to get them done!
For this reason, when your children need you it’ s too easy to put them aside. We all too often
fall into the trap of multi-tasking, where nothing is getting done well. By being in the moment
and not worrying about what needs to be done or fretting about what we haven’ t done, we’ ll be
more alert to what’ s happening in the moment. For now, your child may want you on the floor
building legos or another time they’ ll simply want to talk. Be content with that and your child
will learn they are important to you.

Teach the Power of Choice

Give your child a choice whenever possible. Along with this, emphasize that with every choice
comes a consequence. Although they are always free to make a choice, they are not free to
choose the consequences that come with that choice. This can start at a very young age. If they
choose to not complete their Saturday chores, they are not free to play with friends. If they do
not like what you fixed for dinner, they can sit at the table quietly until they are dismissed. If
they choose to whine about it they can go to their room for the rest of the night. By clearly and
calmly stating the consequences of their choices, you will eliminate many power struggles in
your home.

Apologize

Even when we do our best to remember these simple ways to help our children, we will make
mistakes. When it happens, be sure to approach your child and say you are sorry. That temper
that escalated or words that escaped that shouldn’ t have will more easily be forgiven and
forgotten if you make an effort to acknowledge your mistake. Undoubtedly, this is a skill you
hope your children will learn. So, let them learn first-hand how it’ s done.

We all want the best for our children and what we give can be the best. It may take some effort
to polish our patience, say we’ re sorry or set aside what we’ re doing, but we will see benefits for
years to come. In no time at all, we will be the ones needing elder care. We don’ t want to spend
those years with regret. Do what it takes today to help your kids now.

How to Diminish your Child’s Separation Anxiety

This is a guest post written by Lauren Dzuris. Lauren runs FindMyCarSeat, an Infant Car Seat website that can help new parents find a great car seat, while giving them tips, and advice on everything from pregnancy to parenting.

It’s always tough to leave your little one behind, but it’s bound to happen sooner or later.  When this time does come, it’s only natural that your child will experience what is called separation anxiety.  It is common for your child to want to hold on to you, beg you to stay, or to even cry.

On a good note, separation anxiety will improve with age, and will be less of an issue as time goes on.  For now, if the two of you are trying to cope and get through it, here are some tips that might help both of you.

Practice short periods of time: The first step you want to take is to practice leaving your child.  Start out small and with short periods of time by just running to get your groceries and to run quick errands.  This will teach them that you are always going to come back.

Time it right: Children tend to be more ornery when they are tired and hungry.  Try to time leaving them with someone once they’ve already napped and after they just ate.

Don’t give in: It’s only normal for us to feel bad and to stall when they are begging us to stay, but you need to be firm and say I will be back, and then just leave.  Stalling only makes things worse and brings on more tears.

Familiar surroundings and faces: Try to keep their surroundings somewhat familiar.  Bring their favorite blanket, toys, and their favorite snacks so they feel more comfortable and at home even when they’re not.

Also, try and keep the same people watching them.  Don’t drop them off at a new sitter’s house each time.  Keep the sitters limited to family and friends when you can.

Say goodbye: Have a goodbye ritual.  This will help them know what to expect.  Whether you give a hug and a kiss and say “I’ll be back in a few.” Or, you wave goodbye and blow a kiss, they will feel better about you leaving.  Children don’t like those surprises; they like to know what’s going to happen.  So, make sure you’re consistent with how you say goodbye.

Although it’s hard to say goodbye to your children, you have to remember that you’re not really saying “goodbye”, you’re saying “see you later”.  You will be back, and that is something they will need to learn on their own.

What I learned from my 9 1/2 Month Pregnancy

By: Rivka Slatkin

I just finished enjoying a 9 ½ month pregnancy. This pregnancy, I “nested” the
entire 9.5 months- cleaning and organizing almost every day, purging and de-
cluttering. For some reason I just felt this overwhelming urge to go through the
clutter we had accumulated over the past 5 years before this baby would be born.
I knew that a clutter-free home is the key to less stress and that’s the outcome I
wanted.

The result of my 9.5 nesting a.k.a organizing and purging mania? I realized that
it was only the beginning! After all of that purging I realized that there was still
much more clutter to let go of.

Despite owning a professional organizing business since 2002 and running a
website solely dedicated to getting you, the reader, organized, I found that our
house was brimming with clutter I didn’t even know we had!

I came to realize that tackling clutter and purging is something that has to be
done hyper vigilantly. I don’t want to pressure you by saying that you need to
de-clutter every day, but I do want you to add it to your list of chores that never
seem to go away, such as laundry, cooking, getting dinner on the table etc. Does
that sound depressing?

I guess it all depends how you look at it. For me, it wasn’t too hard to part with
objects because I was excited for my new arrival. For one thing, I had an end date
(well two weeks after that end date!) so I knew my job had a deadline. Second,
I told myself that if there was something I got rid of that I regretted, I could
always get a brand new one. For example, the hand-me-down baby clothing with
stains? The old swing or even ladies clothing I no longer thought I’d wear post
pregnancy? I could get more of those. The toys my kids no longer played with? I
gave them away or consigned them to make a few extra bucks.

So, I didn’t become overwhelmed or depressed upon seeing how much work

needed to be done before my deadline. I think that all of my work was very
exciting and positive because I said “Yes” to being ready for my arrival, and “No”
to living in a house that was full of things I didn’t love or have use for anymore.
That conscious choice allowed me to sever the “strings of guilt” that might have
come up when I purged something I wasn’t sure if I should purge.

Many of my readers mention how hard it is to part with different objects. Or,
they are very good at throwing out one category of items but not another. If this
sounds like you, ask yourself- If I say “Yes” to this, what will I be saying “No” to?
If I say “yes” to keeping this particular object, I’m saying “no” to bringing in a new
object.

You can use the Yes/No principle towards anything that requires a hard decision,
not only for tackling clutter. For instance, you can use the Yes/No principle
towards how to spend your time. Should I go to this business networking
event? Or spend time with my family? There is no right or wrong answer.
Make a conscious choice, to get rid of any “but I feel guilty” feelings, and say to
yourself, “If I say Yes to x, then I am saying No to Y.” In the end, you’ll decide to
do what you what you feel more pulled towards.

So, let’s wrap it all up. A clutter-free home is the key to sanity. Hands-down.
You’ll spend less time looking for things you lost, stuffing drawers and closets,
and running around like a mad woman. If that’s true, how do you get rid of it and
stay on top of it all? You de-clutter DILIGENTLY, as often as humanly possible. And
finally, how do you decide what to keep and what to purge? You use the Yes/No
principle. If I say “yes” to keeping this, I’m saying “no” to something else.

Rivka Slatkin specializes in cheering you on in your sometimes difficult job as a homemaker!
Sign up for her highly-acclaimed and miraculously free download, Shabbos Perfectly Organized,
and find out how to become a Confident, Capable, and Happy Jewish Homemaker from her
website Jewish-life-organized.com.

Alkaline Water Benefits

Alkaline water and the benefits it has were discovered way back in time. It was found that those who drank water from the fast flowing rivers in the mountain regions of Japan enjoyed superb health.

The alkalinity and electrical structure of the water was the only common factor that was attributed to seeing such great health benefits of the people who consumed the water.

What are the Alkaline Water Benefits to Health?

Of course it followed that research was done and some of the following factors were found to be beneficial when humans consumed the alkaline water. It’s no surprise to hear that as our bodies are made up of mainly water (70%), that drinking more of it that is of the right quality can only be a major and beneficial health factor.

1.     Alkaline water can act as an antioxidant. Amongst other things antioxidants have been found to help clear damaging free radicals from our bodies. These free radicals are known to be cancer causing.

2.     Healthy cells are more likely to be maintained from alkaline water as the water is much easier to absorb allowing them to do the job that they were intended to do.

3.     When cells are properly hydrated with alkaline water the exterior skin takes on a much healthier glow, this can help aid the anti aging process as long as water consumption is consistent. Of course what happens on the outside is also happening on the inside!

4.     Occasional illnesses such as viruses dislike an alkaline environment. This means they are less likely to take hold when alkaline ionized water is frequently consumed.

5.     It is also claimed that many chronic and other conditions are linked to acidic conditions within the body. Another good reason to allow the consumption of water with high alkalinity levels to purge our bodies of acid residues.

6.      Those who consume alkaline water report that they are much more energized.

7.     Alkaline water has been found to be more hydrating than normal tap water as well as being a great detoxifier. So our bodies and the cells within them are helped to top performance with consistent alkaline water consumption. This in turn means that the damaging toxins are much more easily flushed from our systems.

So as you can see the alkaline water benefits are plain to see and seem to answer plenty of the health problems that we see in the western world today. By far the easiest way to get our consumption of alkaline water up is by using one of the alkaline water ionizers that are easily available.

Get healthier in the New Year with one of these popular water ionizers and save up to $1200 when you order before December 31st.

Fun Christmas Games for Kids

Christmas is a time for festivities.  There are so many different ways to entertain children during the holiday season.  Fun Christmas games for kidsare available in a variety of different formats to keep children entertained.  These games can be played on computers or they can be played at parties or during a child’s leisure time.  The whole point of Christmas games is to get the child into Christmas spirit.  There are a variety of resources available for those that are looking for ways to entertain children throughout the holiday season.  Many of these games are either free or do not require a steep investment.

Anyone that is interested in hosting a Christmas party for children should consider looking into a variety of different Christmas games for kids.  Children love to be entertained and what better way than with a festive holiday game.  It is very easy to take common games that children play on everyday basis and give them a Christmas theme.  For example, children will enjoy having a Christmas scavenger hunt.  Basically, items with a Christmas theme such is ornaments, candy canes, Christmas trees and stockings can be strategically placed in a children can be given a list of all the items that they have to find.  The first child or group of children to find all of the items will win a present.  Another interesting game that is played by children all the time that can be given a Christmas theme is a relay race.  A Christmas gift wrap relay race if a fun variation on a traditional relay race.  Children are divided into two teams and each team is given a box, pre-cut wrapping paper, ribbon and tape.  The goal is for each child to wrap the box as a present.  The first team where each child has gifted wrapped the box wins.  These are just two examples of common games that can be given a Christmas theme.

All kids love computers, and there are a number of Christmas games for kids that can be found throughout the Internet.  There is no cost to play these games and many of them are very easy to understand so even little children can play them.  Most of these games are very interactive and feature Christmas songs in certain themes such as helping Santa fill his sleigh or helping Rudolph navigate through the sky.  The combination of the Christmas music and game itself is sure to keep children well occupied for some time.  There are many websites for children that feature holiday games so there should be no difficulty in finding some to keep children busy.

Keeping children entertained during the holiday season is not difficult at all.  There are a number of games that can be created with a Christmas theme to play at home, in a classroom or at parties.  Likewise, the Internet offers a smorgasbord of online Christmas games at varying levels that children can play in their leisure time.  Fun games are great way to put children into Christmas spirit.

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