Expectations- Are They Realistic?

Fast-forward 2, 5, or even 20 years.

Graduation caps are flying through the air as celebratory sounds of “Congratulations!” fill the air.

Your beloved child has just graduated from college, a shining moment in your parenting journey.

“Wow, the past 2 decades have been so easy!” you marvel to your friend. “Piece of cake, raising my sweetheart; childrearing is just so incredibly simple!”

{Extended pause for laughter here}

The truth is that nobody ever said that raising children is an easy feat. Far from it- childrearing is one of life’s most monumental tasks- and the baby is delivered without an instruction manual!

Yet some of the inevitable pressures and disappointments that accompany the raising of our small souls can be diminished by adjusting the outlook we have towards our child’s future.

Take a look through the following statements. Is it fair to guess that you agree with the majority of them?

* I would like my child to get good grades in school.

* I’d like to see my child graduate from a prestigious university.

* I would like my child to become financially successful.

* I want my child to marry well and have a happy life.

* I’d like my child to make a difference in the world.

* I want my child to have integrity, compassion, and patience.

We have a whole bunch of wishes up our sleeves, don’t we, parents?!

Let’s take a step back from the admirable list of dreams and study the realism (or lack of thereof) in all of our desires.

No doubt, many of our children will be fortunate enough to achieve all those wonderful dreams, yet, the list begs this question: Was the list compiled based on a parent’s goals- or was there a connection to this particular child’s abilities?

Disappointments and strained relationships can be traced back to one thing- in 99% of all cases: Unrealized expectations.

The reason that most of us can have a wonderful day after realizing that we have just lost the state lottery, whereas many of us would have a disappointing day after our child has gotten into some trouble is because of the expectation factor. We never expected to win the lottery in the first place, so our losing numbers are not a source of frustration. Yet, we did expect our child to behave appropriately at all times, and the youngster’s lack of decorum did not meet our expectation- and resulting disappointment is the mathematical outcome of an unrealized expectation.

As any expert or self-help book will profess, a person’s achievements are based upon his will, drive, and perseverance. Yet, the connection between the will of an individual and his accomplishments must be based on the reality of his abilities- not the reality of his parent’s ardent dreams.

Recently, I heard about a man who had reading trouble as a child, and unfortunately, cannot read properly to this day. “My parents offered me prizes and money so that I would improve my reading skills, however it was like offering me an incentive to grow a foot taller. There was no lack of motivation on my part, there was simply a genuine lack of ability.” (Thankfully, today, there are so many more resources to deal with reading challenges.)

Some parents feel that setting realistic challenges can thwart their child’s growth, because they feel that low expectations and the ensuing low performance can have a negative reflection on them.

Therein lays our greatest challenge- to objectively set realistic goals that are tailored toward our child’s abilities and inclinations- not to our egos. Expectations that are overly high can set a child up for failure, while expectations that are too low can cause a child to stagnate her growth.

After a relatively small expectation has been met, it is generally appropriate to raise the bar and establish a slightly higher challenge. This is also an ideal time to praise and reward the child for her prior accomplishment, thereby motivating the youngster to continue in the desire to achieve more.

The old cliché, “When there’s a will there’s a way” holds truth and promise- as long as we get to know our child and set up realistic expectations.

Wishing all of us much pride and joy resulting from our children’s accomplishments!

7 Good Reasons to Get Your Child Involved in Sports

My friend Stacie runs a website about children and sports, and she was sweet enough to allow me to share this thought-provoking article with you.  Enjoy!

~Ellen

7 Good Reasons to Get Your Child Involved in Sports

Encourage a Healthy Lifestyle

Making exercise a part of your child’s life teaches your child the importance of fitness. This, along with proper nutrition, plays a vital role in maintaining health. Children need physical activity every day and participation in sports helps fill this need. With today’s wealth of video games and increasing computer literacy, daily physical activity is often times forgotten. Getting your child involved with sports helps them make exercise a part of their lifestyle and increases their chance of a being a healthier adult.

Promote Self Esteem
When a child realizes that they are getting better and better at their sport, they can’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment. Choosing a sport your child can grow and improve in gives your child an opportunity to build self-esteem. Together, with positive reinforcement from you their parent, they will gain confidence and have a more positive view of themselves.

Learn Goal Setting
I’m sure you’ll agree goal setting and success go hand in hand. Participation in sports gives your child a fun, practical way to learn about goal setting. They’ll see, experience, and learn about how goal setting works. If your child’s coach doesn’t cover goal setting, that’s okay! You as a parent can sit down with your child and set goals. By assisting your child in developing this skill, you give them a better chance at succeeding in life.

Learn and Experience Teamwork
How often have you read a help wanted ad where the employer wants a “team player” or a candidate that “works well with others”? I see it all the time. How much more valuable are you as an employee when you can put differences aside and get the job done? Sports teach children about teamwork and about how their actions affect other people. If they can’t learn to work together with teammates while playing a sport they enjoy, how will they be able to work with co-workers they may or may not like while performing a job they may or may not enjoy? This is an important lesson to learn. Encourage your child to be a team player and, as a sports parent, keep tabs on whether or not your words and actions promote this trait in your child.

Develop Time Management Skills

Adding extracurricular activities to your child’s schedule encourages development of and time management and prioritization skills. Teach your child that taking care of responsibilities, such as school work and cleaning up after themselves, comes first. This gives them their first taste of prioritization. Next, help your child formulate a plan which enables them to efficiently handle their responsibilities while still leaving time for sports practices and competitions. For example, show your child how working on homework instead of playing outside during their after-school program helps them finish their homework in time for practice each day. Then go ahead and make that part of your plan.

Learn About Dealing with Adversity
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has problems. How well you handle these mistakes and problems directly affects happiness and quality of life. Many people “get in a slump” and can’t get out of it. Others continue making the same mistakes over and over again. In sports, we always try to minimize errors, but we’re human. Mistakes happen. Even professional athletes make bad choices and make bad plays, but it’s not the mistake that counts. What you do from that point forward carries much more significance. If your child learns how to deal with adversity, errors, and challenges in sports, chances are, they’ll be able to translate that skill to real life and effectively minimize mistakes and/or bad decisions as well as competently recover from set backs.

Have Fun!
Positive experiences play an essential role in raising a happy, healthy human being. Sports provide numerous opportunities for positive experiences both for your child as an individual, and for your family as a whole. “Sports parents” are blessed with the chance to watch their child have fun while learning and developing as an athlete and as a human being.

Written by Stacie Mahoe

Owner and Operator of www.AllAboutFastpitch.com

How to Motivate Your Child

Children, just like adults, often perform better when there is a proverbial carrot dangling just ahead. A bit of motivation can work wonders to guide your child towards better behavior or improved schoolwork.

The old fashioned chart is the generally the simplest method for you and your child to gauge his progress. A simple check mark in the allotted box will provide accurate statistics for both of you to view his betterment.

Last month, I printed a table that I had created in Word that consisted of three rows (for my three children) and forty columns. I chose the number forty, bearing in mind that if each child receives 2-4 checks per day in his row, the chart would be finished in about 2-3 weeks.

Younger children have a lesser understanding of time and delayed gratification. Toddlers should receive their reward daily, while children in the 3-5 age brackets can wait one or two weeks in anticipation of their reward. Thirty days would be the maximum time for a school-age child to obtain their reward. Teenagers can have longer-term goals, with ninety days being the longest stretch of time they ought to wait.

It took my children between two and three weeks for them to garner all of the necessary check marks for good behavior on their charts. I should note, that my children had asked for diabolos after seeing others in the neighborhood with the Chinese yo-yo. We wrote “Diabolos” on the top of the chart, and all of the children eagerly anticipated the day their chart would be completed, and they would get their prize.

Ad their check marks neared the end of the forty boxes in each column, my children looked for opportunities to earn additional checks and finish their charts. “Mom, can I get another check if I sweep the kitchen?” and “I shared the snacks from my friend’s birthday party with my brother- may I please have another check” were commonly heard!

It was a joy to have my competitive children looking out for one another, and search for opportunities to demonstrate good behavior! Find an object your child desires, print out a chart, and watch the growth in their behavior and their check marks!

9 Ways to Motivate Your Kids to Achieve

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