Monitoring Early Childhood Development

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The growth of a child is incredibly important. Parents invest time, money and
energy in making sure that their children are growing mentally, emotionally and
physically in the proper manner. There are a number of resources that are
available to help parents track and monitor the development of their children.
Early childhood development is extremely important for number of reasons. The
ability to know if a child is developing at a normal pace is very important in
order to identify any possible problems such as autism. Parents of young
children should note a number of different factors when they are trying to
monitor their children’s progression. Taking the time to notice even the
smallest things about a child’s development can ensure that children are
receiving the proper stimulation and if necessary help for any issues.

For parents, particularly those that are new to raising children, there are a
number of resources available to help with the monitoring of a child’s
development. One of the best resources is the family physician or the child’s
pediatrician. This individual is core to analyzing how a child is developing and
if there are any issues that need to be addressed. Oftentimes, when parents are
concerned about such issues as their children not speaking, not listening to
what is being said or an issue with physical growth, the pediatrician is one of
the first people that is consulted. Pediatricians are experts on early childhood
development and can be of great assistance to parents that have some concerns
about their children. Parents should not hesitate to consult with their child’s
pediatrician if they feel as if there is a developmental delay. The sooner such
issues are addressed the better able a child can be assisted.

There also a number of resources that are available throughout the Internet.
There are many organizations that cater to providing parents with information in
regards to early childhood development. These resources can be very informative
and can assist parents in understanding where their children should be
developmentally by a certain age. It is very important to understand that
children do develop differently. However, they are certain characteristics that
are applicable to children at certain ages. Such developmental features as fine
motor skills, the ability to talk and social integration are very important.
There are a variety of websites and forums where parents can locate information
pertaining to childhood development. Furthermore, the forums that are available
allow parents to discuss amongst themselves any problems and concerns and to
pose questions that other parents may be able to answer.

Watching a child steadily growing as a person is in an amazing experience for
any parent. Making sure that children are developing in the proper manner is
very important in order to identify any issues that can possibly be rectified
while the child is still impressionable and able to be treated. Also, knowing
that a child is developing in a manner that is conducive to healthy growth
provides parents with peace of mind. It is highly recommended that parents
become very proactive when it comes to the growth and development of their
children.

Giving Kids Confidence While Growing Up

One of the best things that you can do as a parent is to help your child develop into a healthy, confident adult. As a bonus, it’s also inexpensive to do. Lots of hugs and kisses, compliments on jobs well done and an ear ready to listen won’t cost you a cent. No matter what age your child is, here are some ideas to help you give them confidence at their present stage of life.

Babies

Practicing attachment parenting is a great way to start your child’s life. When they are carried in a sling on your body, fed when they signal that they are hungry and are responded to promptly when other needs arise, they start to learn that they are important and that their needs will be met.

• Respond to Their Needs Consistently and Quickly
Children thrive on routine and consistency. Make some simple rituals for feeding, changing times and bed times so that the child learns what happens next. If you can’t respond to them immediately, talk to them while you are finishing your task and let them know what you are doing and that you will be there in a moment.

• Share In Their Enthusiasm and Excitement in Learning
There’s not a parent out there who doesn’t get tired of playing peek-a-boo, but the game does wonders for your baby’s confidence. Once he gets the hang of it, he is encouraged to try over and over because of his previous success.

Toddlers

As your child reaches his toddler years, he is more capable of taking care of himself, like putting on clothes, and helping in the house by picking up toys. Toddlers also begin to master critical thinking and also can be very emotional. It’s important for parents to model confidence and how to handle their feelings since the children will emulate what they see.

• Give Your Child Simple Household Tasks To Complete
Kids love helping out and, when trained to do tasks properly, the parents will benefit from their child’s enthusiasm to help. Start with one or two simple tasks and model the steps for your child. If you find him cleaning the sink with his sock, explain that this is not a good choice and remind him where to find the cleaning rags. When he’s done, compliment him on a job well done.

• Support Them in Trying New Things
This is a period of great learning and accomplishment. If your child wants to carry his own plate to the table, let him try. When an accident happens, help them clean up and talk about why it happened; don’t scold them, just educate them.

Elementary School

Children can easily start to lose confidence when they start school since there will be pressure to get good grades and be well liked. Don’t label your child; it’s possibly the worst thing you can do. Acknowledge their success and help them to become better in the areas in which they struggle.

• Invite Friends To Your Home
In this way you can see what’s going on in your child’s life and see how the other kids influence him. You can also set an example by your actions, something other kid’s might not get from their own parents.

Adolescence

This is a trying time for some families. Help your child to express his feelings through talking or writing. Keeping them to themselves is not helpful to becoming a confident teen.

• Family Discussions
This is a time where it’s very important to have family meals together so that your child can talk, ask questions and you can give advice.

• Help Them to See Their Value
When your child is experiencing a down day, help them make a list of all the things they excel at and how they add to your family and their school.

Emma Martin is an avid garage sale fan, regularly scouring her city for unique finds and great deals. Weirdest thing she ever bought at a yard sale: a dinner plate with George W. Bush’s picture covering it. She is a content contributor for YardSaleSearch.com.

Raising Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Guest post by: Larry J. Bradley

Raising Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Our children are experiencing pessimism, sadness, passivity, and obesity at unprecedented levels today. This is happening despite massive self-esteem campaigns and the natural optimism of children.

One of the world’s foremost experts on self-esteem, Dr. Nathaniel Brandon, believes that self-esteem has two basic components. The first is competence – the ability or skill to perform or basically get through the day. Most people either have skill or can acquire it fairly easily.

The second is a feeling of worthiness and deserving to be happy. This is where most people fall short. This feeling of self-worth – deserving to do, have, or become – is nurtured from a very early age and is enormously influenced by parents. This feeling is closely tied to using positive language too, because we begin to frame our child’s world at a very early age with our words and the images they evoke. Feelings of self-worth come from being taught, encouraged, and praised with respect to achieving and accomplishing. What most of us don’t realized however is that the achievements and accomplishments don’t have to be monumental to win your praise and approval.

As Dr. Brandon says, “Of all of the value judgments we made in our lives, there is none more important than the judgment we place on ourselves.” Our self-esteem is the reputation we have with ourselves, and it can only be acquired from within. This is not an instant verdict; it’s a feeling developed over time, a deep intuition about who we believe we are. Nor is self-esteem harmed or bolstered by a single event, choice, or act. Rather, it is developed over a long period, and through a series of choices and decisions. To put it simply, healthy self-esteem is not acquired as a result of anything external; it’s more of a spiritual accomplishment.

I am an adamant believer that people, including children, will not harm something or someone they value, including themselves. I also believe that, for the most part, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. If your child is a poor concept of self-worth, most likely one or both parents will be as well.

Self-esteem is critical because it will affect virtually everything about our children: whether they use and/or abuse drugs, alcohol, or tobacco; whom they choose to socialize with and how; their level of education; their fitness and health-related habits; how they look and present themselves to the world; how much money they will make; whether they will become self-employed or work for someone else; how long they will work and what they will do; whether they will marry and whom; whether they will have children and, if so, how they will raise them; where they will live; the car they drive; their level of stability and how they will cope with life; and this is just a partial list.

Developing good habits requires a purpose in life, and purpose requires a healthy self-esteem and a sense of confidence and worthiness.

One of your greatest tasks as a parent is to help your children find and develop this purpose in their lives. To accomplish this, you must be patient, nurturing, and open to change. Self-discovery is a process of living and learning over a lifetime. It’s a journey, not a destination. You, as a parent, are your child’s tour guide.

So what can we as parents do to help our children and society as a whole? Here are some things to seriously consider that will not only help to raise your child’s self-esteem but your own as well.

• To the best extent possible, provide a stable home with structure, love, and discipline.

• When you discipline, separate who your children are from what they do.

• Help our kids learn to be independent thinkers in a rational environment.

• Make sure they see consistency in your behavior.

• Don’t praise your child just to be “cool” or to be their “buddy”.

• Look for, and even create, opportunities to give them honest, genuine praise.

• Get involved with your children in activities that interest them.

• Help them find the lesson in failure, but never carry the failure forward. My dad always said, “Winners laugh and losers learn.”

• Proactively and politely assert your right to be happy and your right to legitimate wants and needs.

Give of yourself to your children. It’s the greatest gift you could ever offer and love them without conditions.

Larry J. Bradley is an author, speaker, personal and professional coach and consultant. He is a business turnaround specialist, certified Self-Talk trainer, NLP practitioner and coach, as well as a hypnosis and time-line therapy practitioner. His areas of expertise include parenting, personal success and management, persuasion, influence and sales. He can be reached at LarryBradley11@gmail.com or at 856-535-7500.

Why do Children Ask ‘Why’?

When my oldest son was 4 he asked a lot of “why” questions. “Why do people have bones that are hard?” “Why are frogs green?” “Why is this puzzle piece shaped like this?”

It got to be exhausting. I felt as a responsible parent I should provide my son with answers, but some “why” questions are hard to answer if you are not a walking encyclopedia. It is tough on your ego not to be able answer a 4 year old. There were also the times when I did know the answers. I would launch into a lecture on the migrating patterns of the Canadian geese visiting our backyard. After about 30 seconds his eyes would glaze over and he would run to play on the swings. What was up with that?

Parents do not need to feel inadequate if they don’t have the answers or take the podium when they do have knowledge to share. Most experts agree that when children ask questions out of curiosity they are really saying, “That is so interesting, I would like to figure this out myself or with a little bit of help from an adult.” That is why it is more effective to say to a young child, “That is a great question. Why do you think the sky is blue?” “What an interesting question, can you think of some reasons why the rain makes mud?”

When we answer a “why” question with another “why” question we encourage children to think for themselves and explore their own ideas. Serious “why” questions merit discussion and preferably it should be a child directed dialogue. There is nothing a child loves more than having an adult who is genuinely interested in what they have to say. Kids want to come up with their own answers and it gives them something to mull over. It also helps them develop critical thinking skills. Children feel important when we ask them their opinion it builds their self esteem.

This technique of responding “why do you think?” to our children’s “why” questions, benefits us adults as well. It gives us an idea of what children are thinking about and reminds us to stop and appreciate our wonderful world through the eyes of kids. Children love to engage us in this way. It is a great way to bond with our children. Learning together in a respectful way is a great way to nurture your relationship with your child.

Children may also ask “why” as a way of voicing their concerns. Children don’t come out and directly tell you what is bothering them. Sometimes they do not have the words to describe their inner feelings. When they ask, “Why do I have to go to school?” They might not be trying to “get out of” what they are supposed to be doing. They may be letting you know that they are having a problem with their teacher, peers or their work.

When your child is using “why” to express his worries or fears, he/she is trying to engage you in a discourse. To help your child work through their emotions it can be effective to reflect your child’s feelings. You can say, “You sound upset about school” or “Something seems to be bothering you about school.” This helps open the channels of communication. A child will start to feel comfortable exploring their complex feelings. Reflecting a child’s feelings instead of jumping in and trying to fix the problem helps to keep the conversation flowing. This allows parents to understand a child’s perspective so they can give them the support that they need to manage their problem.

There is another reason why children ask “why.” They may use it as a way to fight against the limits that you set. “Why” questions can be used to defy you and sidetrack you from sticking to your guns. “Why can’t I get another lollipop?” “Why do you always make me wear a hat?” “Why won’t you let me get that video game?” These kinds of questions should send up a red flag.

Children enjoy a good debate and love to try to get you to change your mind. They have plenty of energy for this task. They will ask and ask as a way to confuse you. They hope that the endless questions will wear down all your resistance. They force you into a position where you feel you need to explain yourself and come up with arguments to support your rules. It is a technique that I think I have seen Bugs Bunny use.

In this situation it is effective to use both of the skills outlined above. You can reflect children’s feelings and gently and firmly turn their “Why” question back to them. You can say, “You seem sad about the one lollipop rule, why do you think we have that rule?” “It sounds like your annoyed with your hat, why do you think it is important for people to wear hats?” “You are wishing you can get that video game. Can you tell me why you can’t get it?”

This approach is a soft way of reminding your child that you understand their frustration but that you are confident and staunch in your ability to maintain your non-negotiable rules. You will not be drawn into a series of circular and moot arguments. It is ironic but experts have found that children feel more comfortable and secure when parents do not back down from the rules they set. Although they will fight long and hard children do want to lose these arguments. As soon as they see you mean business they will quickly leave you alone. It is a way for parent’s to respond without actually saying the hated “no”. The endless, never ending arguments will be short- circuited.

This technique also benefits children in other ways. It requires children to think about why rules are important and what the reasons are behind rules. It actually reinforces the limits parents have set, in their minds. They gain a perspective they otherwise would not have. It also forces the child to take our answers more seriously encourages them to become more cooperative.

Children’s can use “why” questions for many different purposes. They can use them to get answers about the world around them, to voice their fears and to gain the upper hand. It is important to recognize why your child is asking “why” so that you can respond appropriately. Reflecting your child’s feelings and and turning their “why” questions back to them is the best way to do that.

Guest post by Adina Soclof. For more great parenting tips like these, visit us at www.parentingsimply.com. We look forward to hearing from you.

Introducing Your Dog to Your Baby

There are many dog owners out there who treat their much-loved pet like family and could never imagine a life that didn’t revolve around them. And then they get pregnant, and worry starts to creep in. How will they give their beloved pooch the time and energy they deserve with a brand new baby in the house? How will the dynamic change and will the dog be resentful?

While these worries are understandable, it’s important to keep in mind that dogs and children can be the best of friends! Here are a few tips to help everyone adjust as easily as possible.

BEFORE BIRTH

Acknowledge you dog’s curiosity. Pregnancy brings a change to your body chemistry, and your dog will sense that. Instead of pushing him away, allow your dog to inspect you as your body changes.

Incorporate new routines. The baby is going to change your current routine. Try to think of all the ways your daily schedule will change and incorporate as many changes now as possible. For example, if you normally walk the dog in the morning but know you will need to be attending to the baby once she comes, start having your partner walk the dog during that time.

Attend training classes. Once the baby comes, it will be more important than ever that your dog have proper manners and respond to your commands. Enrolling in a training class or two as soon as possible will give you a leg up.

Bring other infants into your home. Your dog is in for a surprise when all the smells and sounds of a new baby enter his life. If your friends or family members have infants, invite them over so your dog can start getting used to the idea of a baby in the house.

AFTER BIRTH

Bring a blanket home before the baby. Have a friend or family member bring a blanket home from the hospital that smells like your baby. Allow your dog to sniff the blanket so he gets used to the smell of his new family member.

Present the baby in a calming environment. Your dog is going to be so excited to see you when you get home from the hospital. That is not the time to introduce him to the new baby. Greet him first while your partner takes the baby inside. Once your dog is calm, then introduce them. And make sure you are also calm. Your dog will sense your emotions if you are nervous or overly excited during the meeting.

Have a present for your dog. The new baby is going to be getting a whole lot of attention – attention that used to be directed at your dog. A new toy or treat that will engage him and keep him entertained for long periods of time can help everyone stay calm and happy.

Continue new routines. You will never be able to plan 100% for how the baby will change your life, and adjustments will always need to be made. But try to continue as many of the routines you started before baby after baby arrives. Consistency will help your dog adjust as quickly as possible.

What other ways have you prepared a dog to meet a baby? Have you tried any of the above suggestions? How did they work?

Heather Reynolds is a pet lover and internet journalist at Trupanion, North America’s fastest growing pet insurance company. Trupanion offers a simple, customizable pet insurance policy with no payout limits and 90% coverage of veterinary bills. Enrolled pets receive lifetime coverage for diagnostic tests, surgeries, and medications if they get sick or are injured, with no incident, annual or lifetime limit.

Three Mothers – An Unconventional Setup

Guest post by: Stacey Cavanagh

No matter how old you get, no matter how clever or how self-sufficient and independent you become, you never stop wanting your Mother on a bad day.

It might be a stupid argument with the boyfriend (that will undoubtedly repair itself after half hour and sugary cup of tea) a long day at the office or simply a hormonal day, but when I feel down, it’s my Mothers I want.

Yes, I said ‘Mothers.’ Plural. I have three.

I wasn’t brought up on a lesbian commune, I wasn’t adopted or passed from foster home to foster home and I haven’t stolen anyone’s identity. But I do have three Mother figures in my life.

There’s my actual Mother, Helen, there’s my Nan, Teresa and my Auntie Angela. I was spoiled.

As a teenager, I had it pretty easy. I had my Mum who would love me unconditionally and put up with the teenage tantrums from hell. She sacrificed everything to ensure I was able to have the best education possible and put up with me at my worst. It was my Mum I’d go to first when I’d done something I was proud of or when I was crying, either over spilled milk or a broken heart. I always knew I could tell her anything and not be judged. I was lucky. I was able to confess the first time I’d spent the night with a guy… painfully embarrassing conversation, granted. But no judgment passed, just sound advice.

I lived with both my Mother and Nan from the age of 8 following the separation of my parents. Nan became a grandparent and a second parent all in one. Sharing the job of raising myself and my Brother (financially, practically and emotionally) with my Mother, she took a lot on. The thing about Nannas is that they know everything there is to know about parenting. They’ve been through it – in my Nan’s case, 4 times. This means they tend to worry less and are able to see any dispute from both the child and parent’s perspective. Nanna was my port of call when I needed a second opinion… or when I needed someone to persuade my Mum to let me do something. If I’m ever getting a little too big for my boots, Nan has no qualms telling me!

My Auntie Angela lived literally a one minute walk from us during my teens. After a recent divorce, she struggled to settle in living alone again. This created a mutually beneficial situation. She liked the company, and I liked the independence I got staying with Auntie Angela. And so, during my teens, I spent most nights there, getting up in the morning and going home to get ready for school. We got on as best friends. I was trusted with the house when she was away at weekends – a trust I might have abused one or two boozy occasions. A bunch of teenagers with a house and a load of booze has a tendency to get messy (sorry, Angela!). But it was Angela who held my hair back when I got drunk enough to feel sick and who helped me to explain it (and apologise) to my Mother. It was Auntie Angela who listened to me rant about how “my Mum just doesn’t get it,” on the days I wasn’t getting my own and who managed to make me and my Mum see reason on the days we weren’t seeing eye to eye.

So, as I was saying, I had three Mother figures. I was lucky. I can’t count the number of times people have questioned the fact I did not see my Dad much as I was growing up and asked “how did that affect you?” It’s almost as though people expect you to have become a self pitying alcoholic sitting in a corner with a bottle of vodka and crying over the fact that you lacked any male influence in your life. That certainly isn’t me.

I’m not saying that the traditional family unit isn’t a good thing. I’m sure that perfect two parent families are amazing. What I am saying is that, contrary to popular misconception, it isn’t the be all and end all.

All I really needed growing up was someone to look up to, someone to keep me in check, listen to me whinge, laugh with me, let me make my own mistakes and love me in spite of every last one of them. And I got three people who did just that.

Help Your Kids Now

Guest post by:  Lance Williams

Help your kids NOW, no more I wish I would have’s

It may seem inevitable to look back and regret what could have been as a parent. With hindsight
we see how our temper may have impeded our ability to take advantage of a teaching moment, or
how our impatience caused our child’ s self-esteem to suffer. The truth is, we are not doomed to
this dismal outlook of parenting regret. With a few techniques, that are all easily to implement-
-starting today!–you can begin to help your kids now & set aside for good the ‘ I wish I would
haves’ .

Be in the Moment

As a parent of small children, it’ s easy to be overwhelmed by our never-ending task list.
Laundry, groceries, meal time, errands, nap time and cleaning are always on the horizon. Even if
we’ re not currently doing these things, we’ re thinking about when we’ re going to get them done!
For this reason, when your children need you it’ s too easy to put them aside. We all too often
fall into the trap of multi-tasking, where nothing is getting done well. By being in the moment
and not worrying about what needs to be done or fretting about what we haven’ t done, we’ ll be
more alert to what’ s happening in the moment. For now, your child may want you on the floor
building legos or another time they’ ll simply want to talk. Be content with that and your child
will learn they are important to you.

Teach the Power of Choice

Give your child a choice whenever possible. Along with this, emphasize that with every choice
comes a consequence. Although they are always free to make a choice, they are not free to
choose the consequences that come with that choice. This can start at a very young age. If they
choose to not complete their Saturday chores, they are not free to play with friends. If they do
not like what you fixed for dinner, they can sit at the table quietly until they are dismissed. If
they choose to whine about it they can go to their room for the rest of the night. By clearly and
calmly stating the consequences of their choices, you will eliminate many power struggles in
your home.

Apologize

Even when we do our best to remember these simple ways to help our children, we will make
mistakes. When it happens, be sure to approach your child and say you are sorry. That temper
that escalated or words that escaped that shouldn’ t have will more easily be forgiven and
forgotten if you make an effort to acknowledge your mistake. Undoubtedly, this is a skill you
hope your children will learn. So, let them learn first-hand how it’ s done.

We all want the best for our children and what we give can be the best. It may take some effort
to polish our patience, say we’ re sorry or set aside what we’ re doing, but we will see benefits for
years to come. In no time at all, we will be the ones needing elder care. We don’ t want to spend
those years with regret. Do what it takes today to help your kids now.

The Failure Paradox

By Ryan Burke

Think about the word failure. Could you call someone a failure without being disrespectful? It starts
with the letter “F”, and we all know what getting an “F” means in the world. Yet, I know that failure is
critical to learning, and I want my own kids to learn how to fail with grace and resilience. There are even
famous quotes that say something to the effect of “You need to fail in order to succeed”. Given this
truth, I thought it was important to weigh in on the critical nature of failure for school age kids, and how
to go about dealing with it as it occurs in your household.

As an educator in middle school and high school, I have run into this paradox over and over, and it
usually shows up around 7th or 8th grade when kids start getting grades and taking tests. With the onset
of homework and projects that take more time management comes the parenting moment where one is
faced with the choice of whether or not to intervene when you see the train wreck coming.

Other parents, the school, your neighbor will offer advice. With a smile, they will tell you that it is time
to let go. After all, it is your child’s grade at stake, not your own, but as all parents know, there is some
voice inside that asks, “You want me to let my child fail?”, and it just doesn’t seem to fit.

Good parents do not let their children fail, right? Wrong. First of all, there is no such thing as a good
or bad parent. All parents love their children and want the best for them, but each parent has choices
to make and often it is one’s own past experience with failure that drives our decision making. In my
opinion, there are few key things that you need to ask or consider when confronted with this paradox.

• Do I want my child to live in my basement until they are thirty?
• Do I know how to support my child emotionally without taking over and fixing their problems?
• If my child fails, will I be embarrassed?
• Do I have better things to do than organize my child’s backpack or deliver the math homework to school that they forgot at home?
• Do I want my child to feel empowered to solve their own problems or reliant on me to deal with their issues? Answer this one carefully as many parents feel a great deal of satisfaction from being the person who swoops in and knows what to do.

Now check your answers:  “No to number one, “I don’t know or I hope so” to number two, “Yes” to
number three, “Yes” to number four, and probably “yes” and “yes” to the last one if one is being honest.
Taking them in order, here is what I would add:

A critical act of love as a parent comes in the form of letting your child fail. There is a high
likelihood they will end up living in your basement if you don’t; especially if they are male.
The act of supporting your kids emotionally without doing anything to fix their problems is hard,
but worth investing some time looking into. It gives parents something to do when they get
anxious. When kids come home crying after failing a test, being dumped, or being wronged by a
teacher, instead of trying to fix it, just make cookies. Everyone feels better after eating cookies,
and while baking does nothing to change one’s reality, it helps communicate that you are there
for them and you care. If cookies aren’t your thing, try saying, “That sounds really hard, is there
anything you need?”

In regards to your own embarrassment over your child’s failure, you will need to get over it.
Everyone makes mistakes, and nothing teaches a child to hate themselves more than a parent
who is embarrassed by them. Perfect parents do not exist, and nothing can bring a competent
adult to their knees faster than a 3 year old or teenager who has decided to take a stand.
Parents do have more important things to do with their time than fix their kid’s mistakes. Take
up a hobby or if one is intent on working, find a job that pays you money instead of working for
your child for free. Your kids may be disappointed that you didn’t bring their math homework
to school, in fact they may even blame your for their failure, but in the long run they will respect
your more for leaving it to them to figure that out, and you will be shocked how many kids will just solve their own issues when given the chance.

Last, but not least, the act of intervening so that your child doesn’t experience any pain feels
like an act of love, but to a teen it sends the implicit message that they are incapable. Trust me
on this one, I have sat with hundreds of kids who believe they are failures, and I have traced
the roots of that belief to an overbearing parent that takes over their life with good intentions.
Why do you think that rehabilitation centers for troubled teens center on hard work and
responsibility? The reason is that teens want to be independent. That is their primary job, to
learn to take care of themselves, so they can transition, go to college, move out and ultimately
face this same paradox with their own children.

Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I know that this paradox is one of the most difficult issues that parents of middle and high school kids face.

Good luck, and I would love to hear your feedback and thoughts.

Ryan Burke

http://ryanburkeeducation.blogspot.com/

Children’s Glasses and Self-Esteem

Guest post by Sara Roberts

Getting glasses can be tough on a child’s self- esteem, but as a parent, you have the power to head off problems from the start.

1. Keep your eyes open
Be aware of how well your child can see. As he or she begins to grow up, engage her in conversation about what she sees. Watch her behavior and characteristic habits – is she squinting at Sponge Bob? Does her hand keep brushing her face near her eyes? Habits such as these can indicate visual problems. The wise parent anticipates these problems, and if you’re noticing any squinting or headaches in your child, you should be thinking about an eye exam. It’s not really that tragic to wear glasses, especially when you realize how much more you can see when you wear them! Support and encourage them to see better vision as a benefit.

2. Choose frames enthusiastically
It you treat it as an adventure, your child’s first trip to the optician can help him come out of the shell he’s been in, the lonely isolation of poor vision. Do a little homework and take your child to an optical outlet that has many different choices, rather than endless walls of similar frames. Explore all styles and materials and find the most comfortable fit. Keep the conversation going: point out pictures of eyeglass wearers in magazines or on TV. Try to get your child to express an opinion about certain styles. Try to learn what styles are appealing to your child, so that he or she can find glasses that fit their personal style. This is a great self-esteem builder.

3. Be realistic about your child’s needs
Glasses enable a child to participate in sports they could not see well enough to play before, but they can also get in the way, fall off, or get broken in vigorous play. Think about getting a support strap that will keep the glasses on. Even better, think about getting contact lenses, the daily wear kind. Children at any age can wear contacts, and they offer a real competitive advantage in competitive sports.

4. Teach good visual habits
Get your child out doors to play on a regular basis. Don’t let him sit in from of the TV or computer all day. Staring at one place for a long time is unnatural – looking off into the distance, catching a ball or riding a bike are all eye-healthy activities.

5. Let the good times roll
Don’t buy a child an expensive pair of glasses – they’ll break or be outgrown in no time. Find a frame you like and get an extra one or two, so the child won’t feel too nervous about losing or breaking them. You can find an eyeglass frame provider online with much lower prices than retail, choose your frame, provide your doctor’s prescription, and receive glasses in the mail. The peace of mind for you and your child will be a definite bonus.

Sara Roberts is a content contributor for Just Eyewear, a prescription glasses and prescription sunglasses retailer.

The Importance of Food to Families

Guest post by Simon Barnett:

The importance of food to families

We’ve all heard the sad news that Americans are not eating family dinners together. Some families are busy with organized activities around mealtime.
Some parents work late. Some families don’t place enough importance on sitting down together, and instead allow family members to eat whenever they are hungry.

Research shows that all family members benefit from eating together. There are several reasons this is true.

Teachable Moments

Mealtime is the perfect time to teach your children technical skills and manners. Plus, at the table, you can make sure that your values are made apparent to them by discussing what is important to you.

During mealtime, you can make sure that your children say please and thank you. You can also make sure they learn valuable manners such as complimenting the cook and how to avoid unpleasant topics at the table (such as bathroom matters). And, you can emphasize hygiene by insisting they wash hands and keep their faces clean during the meal.

You can bring up topics that connect to your most treasured values, like how someone helped another family member or neighbor; your admiration for people who help others through charity, or for people who have accomplished their goals.

As for technical skills, at mealtime you will have the opportunity to teach children how to carry dishes without breakage, or how to pour; for older children, you might teach cooking skills or how to wash dishes.

Better Nutrition

When families eat together, they can be united in their effort to eat better. Parents can keep better track of what their child is eating or drinking. They can discuss nutrition with their children. Parents will most likely want to set a good example for the children, so their nutrition can benefit too.

A Better Vocabulary

Children who eat with their parents, rather than alone or just among kids, hear a more varied vocabulary. No need to quiz your children on big words; exposure alone will help them begin to expand their vocabulary.

Emotional Connection

Gathered around the table, family members will talk about what is going on in their lives. That’s because they feel relaxed and they have the time and opportunity to do so. You might learn about your child’s concerns about classmates, or hear more in-depth about a school project.

Children love to hear parents reminisce about when they, the children, were younger. Mealtime gives you the opportunity to do this. Children also like to hear reminisces about other family members. You might share stories about grandparents that you’ve never found time to tell in another context.

Just being together has its own power and magic. Give your family the chance to just be, with no rushing to the next activity. The feeling of being more settled and bonded comes naturally from the experience.

Simon Barnett enjoys food, cooking and being outdoors. He encourages his children to take a keen interest in food and enjoys sharing meals in the garden. He also writes about picnic benches and other garden tables than can create a comfortable outdoor eating environment.

Five Ways to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Toddler

Guest post by Tracy O’Connor

Tracy O’Connor balances being a freelance writer with raising five boys, ages 3-15. She also serves as community manager for Potty Training Power where parents can get personalized advice and support to help them through the potty training process. You can follow her on Twitter.

You probably spend quite a bit of time making sure that your toddler is growing psysically and intellectually. By making sure that your child eats nourishing food, gets lots of time to play and exercise and providing them with a stimulating environment, you are helping set a firm foundation for them to have healthy, succesful lives.

But what about emotional intelligence? Many parents are pessimistic about their ability to teach their child to be more emotionally intelligence, either because they feel they lack those traits themselvses or are simply overwhelmed and not sure how to begin. The good news, many of the things parents instinctively do for their children are also good for developing patience, frustration tolerance, tenacity and empathy.

1. Help your child put a name to their emotions. Being able to articulate what they are feeling and why goes a long way towards finding a solution.

Start early by teaching your infant or toddler the words for how they are feeling and a short explanation of why. “You are so happy! Are you happy because it’s fun to play outside?” or “You are angry. It makes you angry when I say no, don’t play with the sink.”

Play with making faces in the mirror and talking about what makes you happy, sad, frightened, angry, frustrated and so on. When you are reading, point out the characters expressions and have your child tell you how they think they feel and why.

2. Encourage your child to be persistant. Many parents are reluctant to make their child keep trying for fear of pushing them too hard, however, it’s also important for children to know that the key to achiement is to keep your focus and try even when things are hard.

For toddlers, that might mean prodding them to try building that block tower one more time or having them try one more time to zipper their pants. Show them how to take a deep breath and let out their frustrated feelings so that they can give it another try with a clear mind.

3. Show them that failure is not an ending point. Failure is not an option in life, it’s mandatory! Help your child see that failure is just another part of the learning process and that it can be embraced as an opportunity to learn something new.

If your child makes a mistake or isn’t able to do something they want to do, help them to see the positive aspects. Let them know that their effort is the real accomplishment.

4. Nuture their empathy. Children and adults who are empathetic are generally better able to work with others and have a more positive attitude about their own lives.

Talk to your child about how others might be feeling and find ways to relate with instances from their own lives. Very small children won’t understand that other people do not have the same perspective and feelings as they do, but in time they will be able to see things from other’s points of view.

5. Lead by example. This is the most difficult and most important thing a parent can do to help their child develop emotional intelligence. Your child is learning from everything you do. If you react by becoming flustered and irratible when you are stressed, your child will pick up on that. If you think failure is the end of the world, your child will believe that, too. If you are calm, introspective, empathetic and persistant, chances are good that your child will learn to be the same way.

Dr. Gabor Mate Offers Refreshing Take on Childhood Development, the Importance of Parenting, and the Mind-Body Connection

by: Hajera Blagg

Dr. Gabor Mate, a Hungarian-born Canadian physician, has written several best-selling books about a host of health-related topics, especially early childhood development. His two most important books geared toward parents, Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers and Scattered Minds: A New Look at the Origins and Development of Attention Deficit Disorder, are engaging reads that emphasize the importance of parental support in a child’s physical and mental health.

Unlike many modern Western physicians, Mate emphasizes the connection between the mind and the body. Backed by a growing body of research, Mate has hypothesized in a previous book, When the Body Says No, that stress resulting from repressed emotions, especially anger, makes the body more vulnerable to diseases like cancer and multiple sclerosis. In his two books intended for parents, Mate continues in this holistic vein, paying special attention to the child-parent connection in warding off disorders like ADD.

In Hold on to Your Kids, Mate argues that a developing child in a modern, industrialized country, who spends several hours a day with peers, is being influenced to an enormous degree by others who are also in a similar stage of development. The strength of this influence grows from a child’s innate need for attachment. When a parent does not provide this sense of attachment, a child will turn to friends to fulfill this need. The problem with children seeking attachment from peers is that, unlike a parent’s unconditional love, peer attachment is particularly contingent. Acceptance is granted only if the child assimilates to the group’s behavior. A child who is dependent on peers for emotional support will grow to be self-doubting, immature, timid, and will thus be ill-adapted to expressing healthy emotions and asserting boundaries. Co-written by clinical developmental psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld, the book concludes that a parent focusing on a strong parent-child bond is vastly more critical to a healthy child’s development than focusing on a child’s specific behavioral problems.

In Scattered Minds, Mate explores ADD research and takes the alternative view that the disorder is more strongly developmental than it is genetic. He also contends that while pharmaceutical drugs like Ritalin can certainly be effective, in the end, they only serve to alleviate symptoms and do nothing to address the disorder’s underlying cause. Just as in “Hold on to Your Kids,” Mate argues that a child’s environment plays a significant role in her development later on in life. On the book’s website, Mate summarizes his hypothesis:

“In attention deficit disorder the chief physiological problem appears to be located in the frontal lobe of the brain, in the area of the cortex (or gray matter) where attention is allocated and emotions and impulses are regulated. Just as the visual circuits need the stimulation of light, the circuits of attention and emotion control also need the appropriate input: a calm, non-stressed connection with a non-stressed and non-distracted primary maternal caregiver. Stresses on the mothering adult-or disruption of contact with her, as in adoption-predispose children to ADD because they directly affect the developing electrical circuits of the infant’s brain. The very chemistry of the infant’s brain is affected.

Although there is in ADD an inherited predisposition, a heightened sensitivity, the condition itself is rooted in social factors that have placed nearly intolerable burdens on the parenting environment. It is not bad or unloving parenting that is the problem, but stressed parenting. The erosion of community, the breakdown of the extended family, the pressures on marriage relationships, the harried lives of nuclear families still intact and the growing sense of insecurity even in the midst of relative wealth have all combined to create an emotional milieu in which calm, attuned parenting is becoming alarmingly difficult. The human brain being a social product, so is attention deficit disorder.”

While many in the medical community have criticized Mate’s work, his parenting books give mothers and fathers living in our modern, constantly stressed world, very specific advice that will be sure to resonate with those who feel that their connections among their children are less than ideal. For more information, check out this recent interview with Mate on Amy Goodman’s show, “Democracy Now!”.

Bio: Hajera Blagg is a freelance writer based in Houston, Texas. She often contributes content to OnlineUniversities.

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