Teaching Children with Down Syndrome

Teaching children with Down syndrome can be very challenging and it can often be difficult for parents to decide what is best for their child. Many times the public school system can’t provide the special needs of a child with this condition. There may be speech issues that pose a problem or a variety of medical problems that interfere with them going to school so, many parents decide to teach their child at home.

When teaching children with Down syndrome at home there are certain strategies that need to be put into place to help encourage the learning process. For example, you’ll need to use a variety of different methods when teaching until you learn what gets their attention the most. The reinforcement of skills already learned is necessary as well.

When teaching children with Down syndrome it’s important to have high expectations. You need to be enthusiastic and excited for them. This will help to encourage them and give them the confidence they need to learn. Continue to encourage them to do their best and push to achieve all they can while taking into consideration their special needs and their individual abilities.

If your child is easily distracted, take steps to make sure there’s not anything in the immediate area that will distract them from learning. Set aside a specific time for learning and stick to your schedule. This is very important when teaching children with Down syndrome because they need this stability.

When you give your child instructions, ask them to repeat it back to you to make sure they understand. This will also reinforce the learning process. Be patient and give your child some time to respond. It may take them longer than you think necessary but they can’t be rushed. Being impatient will cause them to get frustrated and hinder the learning experience.

If your child makes a mistake and answers a question wrong, simply ask them to try again. If you say they’re wrong this could have a negative effect when asking them to try again keeps the sessions upbeat and positive. You can also provide the correct answer and ask them to repeat it.

Be sure and review what your child has learned frequently to keep things fresh in their mind. Don’t over stimulate your child by trying to introduce too many things at once. Be persistent but flexible and take advantage of the computer every chance you get. Teaching children with Down syndrome can be challenging but it’s not impossible and the information found here can help you succeed.

More Help for Teaching Children with Down Syndrome

Fine Motor Skills for Children With Down Syndrome: A Guide for Parents And Professionals (Topics in Down Syndrome)

Teaching Math to People With Down Syndrome and Other Hands-On Learners: Basic Survival Skills (Topics in Down Syndrome) Book 1 (Bk.1)

Teaching Children with Down Syndrome about Their Bodies, Boundaries, and Sexuality (Topics in Down Syndrome)

Parenting the Middle Child

Have you even heard of the term “middle child syndrome”? It’s a term that suggests the middle child in the family is different from the rest of the children and that in a sense, they’re a problem child. The middle child is different from the others but then, aren’t all children different in some way? What makes the middle child stand out more is the fact that they are no longer the baby like they were before the new addition to the family arrived.

This means that the new baby gets all of the attention that the middle child used to get and this often causes behavior problems. However, this is nothing out of the ordinary. In most cases, they will pick on the baby to make him or her cry to try and get attention. Sometimes, they may seek attention by taking items that belong to the older child they know they shouldn’t touch. These are a few of the things that earn them the title of problem child but this title is not always appropriate.

This type of behavior is natural. After all, baby is getting all of the attention they use to get and they miss it. On top of that, older brother or sister gets to have all kinds of extra privileges and do things that they want to do but they’re not old enough yet. It’s only natural they would be a little resentful of the others and as a result, they do things that get them in trouble.

Fortunately, there are some things that you can do to make the transition for the middle child easier. First of all, be compassionate and understanding. Consider how you would feel if you were in the same position and this will help you understand how they feel and why they do the things they do.

Make sure you spend time with your middle child and make plans to do something special with just them. This will let them know that they are still special and loved as much as the other two children. It’s also important to listen to what they have to say and learn what interest them. Never compare your children to each other because this will certainly cause problems.

Let the middle child decide what’s for dinner once in awhile or pick the movie for family time. This will help to make them feel more important which in turn will help reduce their need to get attention by causing problems. When you show each of your children how much you love them and make an effort to spend time with each of them equally, middle child syndrome doesn’t have to be a problem.

Kindergarten Bullying: Awareness and Prevention

No parent wants to imagine that the precious kindergartner you drop off at school in the morning will be using every opportunity during the day to make another or several other classmates’ lives sheer misery in the classroom, on the playground, and even in the bathroom. Such is the nature of the Kindergarten bully. Why a child becomes a bully, how he or she can be identified at school, the serious effects such behavior can have on those victimized, and how to prevent bullying at such a young age are all important issues to consider, especially when you realize that as many as 18% of kindergartners are regularly bullied at school.

Kindergarten bullying comes in three forms: verbal, physical, and exclusionary. Left unchecked, it will increase to peak forces by junior high school, where peer relationships, positive or negative, are most powerful. While there are many factors that influence a child’s tendency to become a bully, most of them seem to come from the home environment and behaviors there. Since children as young as 2 years old have been observed practicing bullying to get a toy or position they want, it is imperative that parents do not tolerate aggressive or threatening physical behavior, even at this young age.

Other family risk factors include lack of parental involvement or warmth, lack of supervision, parents or older siblings who model bullying, harsh physical discipline, and being a victim of bullying at home. Having friends who exhibit bullying behavior and value violent or aggressive actions is also a contributing factor. Additionally, the potential negative influence of TV, movies, and video games cannot be overstated. Finally, the elementary school itself, including kindergarten that ignores or minimizes such behaviors between young children is, in fact, endorsing those very negative interactions.

The typical signs of bullying in kindergarten include physical aggressiveness such as pushing, tripping, slapping, hitting, kicking, stepping on feet, pinching, and even choking. Social bullying often involves name calling, hate speech, hurtful teasing, threatening, and saying nasty things about the targeted child. Emotional bullying is more apt to be exclusionary. “You can’t be my friend” or “No one wants to play with you” are systematically aimed at the bully’s target. The results from any of these forms of bullying have both serious short-term and long-term effects.

The childhood victim of bullying suffers on several levels. The kindergartner may be physically hurt by the aggressive, even dangerous actions of a bigger, stronger child. The usual response is increased timidity and isolation that often develops into a dislike or fear of school, resulting in increased absenteeism. Worse yet, the defensive responses of the child such as crying or running away serve to make him or her, an easily recognizable target for future attacks and increased bullying.

Over the long-term, teens and adults who were bullied as young children often struggle with low self-esteem issues. They may even feel that they deserve being mistreated by others. A feeling of powerlessness may cause them to run away physically or emotionally to drugs and alcohol. Depression and chronic migraines or non-migraine headaches are more frequent within this group as well.

Both parents and the schools can take an active role in preventing kindergarten bullying. Parents need to realize that their children may be at fault, and telltale signs such as disrespectful behavior at home, arrogance and sarcasm, bossiness, taking frustrations out on other younger siblings, and talking unkindly about classmates are all warning flags. Any child who behaves in these ways at home is probably doing similar bullying actions in other places including the classroom and playground. Kind but forceful and consistent intervention is absolutely necessary. Investigate, judge the situation, and discipline as necessary each and every time until the behaviors are modified. Obviously, building a healthy relationship with your child and discussing bullying and respectful relationships is crucial as well. The bottom line is that young children model what they see, especially from authority figures such as parents and teachers.

For teachers of kindergartners, studies show that bullying can be reduced as much as 50% by introducing curriculum that deals with the subject, setting clear school rules, and enforcing them. Positive affirmation for appropriate behavior is important because children at this age really care about teacher-approval. Watch closely for possible bullies and avoid showing any favoritism. Stories that illustrate respectful behavior allow for discussion and play-acting as well. Kindergarten bullying is a serious issue that needs to be addressed both at school and at home for proper resolution.

Jennifer Mizuhara is a writer for Findourschool.com.

More resources to help with bullying

The Complete Guide to Understanding, Controlling, and Stopping Bullies & Bullying: A Complete Guide for Teachers & Parents

Hot Issues, Cool Choices: Facing Bullies, Peer Pressure, Popularity, and Put-downs

The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to HighSchool–How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle (Updated Edition)

Stimulate Your Child’s Mind with the Blokus Game

There is nothing better than family game night to get together with the children.  The Blokus Game is perfect for family night as it offers not only fun but a great learning experience for children, too. This is a board game that was awarded by Mensa for one of the best learning games available for children age five and up including adults.

Benefits to Including Blokus Game in your family night fun:

• Builds special relations for children
• Great strategy game that the entire family loves
• Gets the brain working in a positive manner
• Has received the most awards for a board game since 2000
• Great for children of all ages five and up
• Bright and simple colors with easy game play

How to Play Blokus

Blokus is a brightly colored game that offers learning along with family fun. Each player needs to get all of their pieces onto the board in order to be declared the winner. The player can only place their piece on the board touching their own color and their piece cannot touch another players tiles. Players can use defensive moves to keep the other players from having a spot to put their pieces on the board. The first person who runs out of tiles is the winner.

How Many Players Can Compete at One Time?

This is a game that can be played with up to four players and when all four are playing, the games can end very quickly. The makers also created other ways to play the game to make it even more fun and interesting. Large families can team up into two or three teams and can work together to win.

Any parents who want to add learning to their family fun night need to get this game.  Blokus Classics Game is guaranteed to bring hours and hours of fun to any game night.

Here are more variations of the Blokus Game your family might enjoy:

Blokus Duo Game

Blokus Trigon Game

Travel Blokus

The Sequence for Kids Board Game Is Easy to Play Even For the Little Ones

Sequence for Kids is an easy to play game that was created for children age three and up. It is a combination card and board game where the object is to get four of your cards in a row to win. They can use different cards to have free placement or to remove another player’s card from the board.

Learning Benefits of Sequence

• Colors
• Animals
• Spatial relations
• Memory Retention
• Sounds
• Strategy

How Old is Too Old?

The great aspect of Sequence is that it does not have to be played by children who are very young. While the game directions may make it boring for the older children, they can still have fun playing variations of the game to make it more of a challenge. They can play matching games as well as putting the sound cards together with the animal cards. The imagination is the only barrier to all of the games that can be played and created by simply using the cards and board. The strategy games can be played by those that are older as well and even the youngest can enjoy moving their opponent’s cards off the board and creating their own chances to win.

Since Sequence can be played by just about any age group, it is a perfect game for the whole family. While the parents may not get the same enjoyment out of it that the little ones get, they still love watching the kids giggle and smile as they get closer to winning and taking mom or dad’s cards off the board. The game board is brightly colored and the cards feature illustrations that realistically depict the animals, sounds and colors that they are supposed to convey.

Now of course, adults may want to play their own Sequence game, right along with the kids. Here are the adult favorites:

Deluxe Sequence

Jax Jumbo Sequence Tube Game

Jumbo Sequence Box Edition

Educational Soft Toys

Educational Soft Toys are some of the most popular toys for small children around today. Did you buy any for your little one? There are many reasons why considering educational soft toys are a good idea. It all starts with seeing the benefits to these types of toys.

Here are some benefits to educational soft toys:

• They are safe even for younger children
• They feel good to the touch
• They can help the child feel secure
• They come in bright, bold, primary colors

Why Buy Educational Soft Toys?

Bringing a new baby into the world is one of the most exciting things you can experience. However, a new baby can’t really do very much on his own. You want to be a good parent and provide your new baby with the stimulation that he or she needs to grow healthy and content. While there are many good toys on the market to do this, some of them are just not appropriate for a small child.

When the baby cannot lift his head on his own, lift his hand to touch his face or sit up, he will be unable to focus on small objects. Large, bright and soft educational toys are a good alternative at this stage. As your infant continues to grow and develop over the first year of life, he will need different types of toys to help stimulate and encourage skill development.

Educational soft toys provide this much needed skill development for a child of this age. They can help to teach things like sound vision, auditory and even physical sensations.

How Do They Make Young Children Feel?

Educational soft toys work well because they make young children feel good.

The baby’s first skill is usually sight. Since these toys help with that skill, it makes the child feel food.

Soft, plush toys are also like a security for the infant and young child as well.

Toys with strong colors will appeal to the senses and help your child grow and advance while also helping them feel happy and secure.

Melissa & Doug Deluxe Picnic Basket Fill & Spill Soft Baby Toy	Earlyears Lil’ Shopper Play Set	Manhattan Toy Snuggle Pod
Manhattan Toy Baby Stella Doll	Garden Fresh Fruits & Veggies, Soft “peel-able” fruits and veggies	Bamboo Zoo Soft Shaker Toy

Educational Learning Toys

As parents, we are always looking for ways to improve/enhance our children’s development, while still encouraging them to have fun. Educational learning toys bring great value to a child’s life. I checked out some of the best educational toys out there and found something for everyone: baby, toddlers, and young kids.

Baby Educational Toys

Baby Educational Toys are valuable to your child because they are proven to be one of the earliest exposures to learning. Instead of having your child amused by nothing or just the TV – why not educational toys? A multitude of options are available when it comes these educational toys. Some delight your child with a mixture of sounds and lights and help your baby recognize animals or simple letters. Baby educational toys provide your child with the entertainment and education they need to start off on the right foot to life.

LeapFrog Learn & Groove™ Musical Table Provide a world of learning and musical fun for your child with the LeapFrog Learn & Groove Musical Table. Designed for children ages six months to three years, this innovative toy is chock full of learning and musical activities designed to provide visual and auditory stimulation and motor skill development, as well as opportunities to learn about colors, the alphabet, and opposites for older children — and much more.

Playskool Step Start Walk ‘n Ride It’s 2 toys in 1! As a sturdy, stable walker, the Step Start walk ‘n Ride toy helps babies learn to stand, take their first steps, and walk. As the grow older, it easily converts to a first ride-on toy! It has a locking mechanism that only parents can activate, so children can’t change modes by themselves. Kids can explore the hands-on activities in both the walker and ride-on modes to see fascinating sights, hear silly sounds and touch interesting textures.

Manhattan Toy Put and Peek Birdhouse Four colorful rattling birds all have different textures, and the easy-open roof and door are perfect for tiny hands. Classic “fill-and-pour” play encourages development of motor skills and cause-effect understanding.

Busy Zoo Activity Center The activities are simple enough for one-year-olds to understand and large enough for them to manipulate with ease. On top, they can move animals along tracks or twirl wooden shapes along looping wire. Choices around the four sides include rotating picture blocks until they form a picture of a variety of animals; turning any one of interconnecting gears to make them all spin; opening and closing a door and window.

Toddler Educational Toys

Toddler Educational Toys, are simply the best play things for the children to learn with, as children are growing up we need to be able to distinguish the various types of toys to give during their playtime each toy is designed for a different personality. We should be able to distinguish our children’s interest before purchasing any toys for examples we have artistic, athletic,  geographical and science kits. We need to look for toys that will both teach and improve the learning interest of the child. Toys improve the learning pleasure of a child which will reflect throughout their lives.

Melissa & Doug Geometric Stacker Keep children busy stacking all different shapes, colors and sizes. This fun Geometric Stacker comes with 25 durable pieces to match and stack on a solid base. Perfect for building shape, color and size differentiation skills. Pieces made of solid wood.	Haba Walker Wagon The walker wagon aids children in moving. The seat allows brother and sister to ride along. Beyond the seat there is sufficient place to store utensils. Sturdy construction, rubber tires on wooden rims.
Plan Toys City Series Parking Garage Plan Toys create to inspire children’s imagination as well as promote their physical and intellectual development. Plan Toys also proves that it is possible to maintain superior quality standards while steadfastly following a path of environmental and social responsibility. The set includes a figure, car, gas station and car washing machine.	Step 2 WaterWheel Activity Play Table The falling water action from this Waterwheel Play Table encourages creative exploration with cause and effect learning. This imaginative water play center encourages hours of outdoor fun. Pour water into the wide funnel, and activate the water wheel which then spills into the inner and outer harbors.

Young Kids Educational Toys

Young Children’s Educational Toys are a valuable instrument in helping children learn and succeed. From gross motor skills to learning how to manipulate an object, children are offered many opportunities to excel in their development. Educational toys have the ability to teach children without the child even realizing he/she is learning! Enjoying a toy and learning at the same time are invaluable. In today’s market there are toys that help children learn concepts from grasping a toy to even learning to read! Making learning fun is the fundamental concept behind these toys, and it’s a concept that truly works!

Guidecraft Wooden Sand Tray Little learners can create shapes, patterns and outlines using a smoothing tool, pattern rake or their fingers! Place colored paper under the glass to enhance drawings and color exploration! Great for ideal educational toy.	Bananagrams In this unique word game, players use tiles to create words crossword-style. The first player to use all their tiles is the winner. With multiple ways to play, this game is perfect for beginning spellers, as well as more advanced players. No pencil, paper, or board required.
Snap Circuits Jr. SC-100 Curious young minds can learn the basics of electronics as they build more than 100 exciting projects with this kit. Work on projects that make sound effects, engineer different types of alarms, build touch circuits and play games.	Melissa & Doug See & Spell Place the colorful wooden letters in their proper places to spell words on the cut out two-sided wooden boards. Includes 20 playful pictures with three and four letter words to keep learning fun.

How Learning to Play Music Benefits Children

No matter your child’s age, music plays a huge part in their life. From infancy, mothers sing and hum to their babies and then in grade school they learn the basics of reading music and may begin playing the flute-o-fone or similar instrument. When they reach Junior High and High School our children may join the marching band or choir.

As our children grow, they develop an interest in certain genres of music and may even prefer two or three genres to others. Our teen’s ears are usually plugged with earphones filling their minds with songs they’ve loaded onto their MP3 player, blocking out the rest of the world. Music never stops filling our minds and hearts and is a very important aspect of our lives.

No matter how young your child is, with the proper encouragement, he or she can learn how to play just about any instrument, as long as they are willing. As a matter of fact, learning an instrument or how to read music is usually much easier to grasp the younger you are. Most of us have watched and giggled at a six month old bouncing to the beat of your favorite rock and roll song or have laughed in delight at a two year old dancing and jumping around to music and some three year olds can even clap their hands in rhythm.

Children begin learning to play musical instruments as early as five years old in some cultures and societies. It’s been said that the earlier a person learns music or to play an instrument, the more successful they will be in life. Music teaches discipline and more disciplined people tend to manage their money better as well as being disciplined in other areas of life.

Music can also open many other doors for children that you may not realize. Scholarships are given to those with superior musical abilities. There are opportunities to make extra money by playing in a local band or by teaching others to play. The possibilities are endless.

Many people choose piano lessons when learning to play, especially in the early years. Piano is a beautiful, yet easy instrument to learn and teaches children as young as three good eye hand coordination. It also teaches children how to listen, how to practice to get better at something and how to be disciplined.

No matter what instrument is chosen, make music an integral part of your child’s life by starting early.

Parenting Skills

The Secrets of Highly Effective Parents

My middle son, Jacob, is very interested in gold, silver, and diamonds.  He is particularly keen on selling my diamond engagement ring and buying me a crystal replacement and himself a room full of toys!  As I tuck him into bed at night, he sometimes asks this playful question, “Mom, if someone would give you an entire house filled with diamonds and gold in exchange for me—would you sell me?”

“NEVER!” I state resolutely.  “I love you more than all the diamonds in the world!”  Then we laugh and exchange ‘I love you’s, ascertain that the nightlight is on, the fan is on its lowest speed, teeth have been brushed, and stuffed animals are all nearby.

We would never dream of trading our children for all the money in the world.  (Well, except on certain, very trying days!)  So, let’s think about this:  How far would you travel to save 80% on a new air conditioner and how long would that take?  Shouldn’t we budget at least that amount of time for giving individual attention to our kids… daily?

Making time for our children is the best way to educate them that they are at least as important as our housework, errands, and careers.

Physically or emotionally absent parents allow a void to be created in their children’s lives that they may attempt to fill by seeking out harmful types of activities.

Everyone knows that children require proper nutrition to have healthy bodies.  The absence of integral vitamins or minerals can wreak havoc on young, rapidly-developing body systems.  Emotional development works with the exact same principles.  Emotional nurturing and love are the nutrients that are critical to the formation of healthy mindsets, relationships, and self confidence.

When we speak lovingly to our children, they will quickly learn the language of love.

Each and every person has their own “language of love”, and it is imperative that we develop our parenting skills and tap into the type of love and communication that resonates best with our child’s personality.  A full description of the 5 languages of love is beyond the scope of this article, find more information in this bestseller:  The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman

Time-Management-for-Kids

 

 

Educating and encouraging your children to practice time management can be fun and practical. When you are able to help them better manage their time, it can be enormously helpful to you as well. Teaching your kids time management now will undoubtedly help them have a more productive life in the future.

 

Start out by getting the right tools for your kids. Get them a calendar, either a desk calendar or a wall calendar which fits well in their room. Attach a string with a pen or marker to use on the calendar. Help them mark off important events, such as project due dates, test dates, and parties.

Teach your kids to avoid procrastinating until the night before projects or tests to start working on them. Model advance preparation personally, and demonstrate how you get ready prior to approaching deadlines.  Help youngsters realize that starting ahead of time will help them to accomplish projects sooner, entail less stress, and will yield higher quality results

Create a routine for effective time management for kids. Set up a specific time and place for homework and recreation. Ensure that they complete their homework prior to playing games or watching television. Once homework has been completed, children can help with household chores and then relax. Generally kids have less energy as the evening progresses, so having them complete it earlier rather than later will be more effective.

Lead your kids by being a good example of effective time management.  As a parent, you cannot help them to practice time management if you are not using these skills personally.  Children learn far more by watching your behavior than listening to your lectures, so brush up on your own skills to help them learn better ways to manage their time.  You will reap many rewards:  more harmony, less rushing, eliminating last-minute stress, and greater efficiency in your entire household.

Teach your children to break large projects into several small steps.  Anyone can eat an elephant- if it has been sliced thinly enough!  Take a big project like a report, and divide it into 5 or 10 simple steps with your child.  This will turn the proverbial mountain back into a molehill!

Encourage your children to keep a time diary and measure how long common tasks take to accomplish.  Kids often underestimate the amount of time that has been spent on a fun activity and overestimate the time it takes to do a boring chore.  Logging time will give your children a realistic frame of reference to gauge the time needed for specific tasks.

Teach your children to get ready the night before – think of evenings as elastic and mornings as rigid time periods.

Use containers and organizing caddies to keep related supplies together.  Have a box for homework supplies, a cup for teeth-cleaning supplies, and a basket for hobby supplies.

Cook and bake together.  You will bond over delicious, fresh foods, and learn to use measuring spoons and cups.  A measuring cup is a great parable for our time; there is only a limited amount of it that can be fit into a specific space or time period!  More than one cup of flour in the 1-cup measuring cup will cause overflowing; more than X amount of activities in the day will cause stress and over-scheduling!

Provide rewards for small accomplishments to motivate your child to follow through on enhancing her organizational skills.  I bought myself a recliner after 25 consecutive days of waking up with the first ring of my alarm; take this concept to the things that are difficult for your child, and have her earn something she really wants and gain valuable skills simultaneously!

Help your children set goals so that they can learn to prioritize their usage of time, and learn to say “no” to things that will eat up their time without producing any benefits.

 

 

P.S.  Creating Hours contains hundreds of parent-tested tips and tricks to get more hours in the day!  Learn more here:  CreatingHours.com

Conflict Resolution

Dear RaisingSmallSouls,

I’m a stay-at-home mom of two rambunctious boys, aged 5 and 3. lately, I feel like all they do is fight, fight, fight! (“I want the blue car” – “Me, me” – you get the picture!) How can I make it stop?

Thanks, A Frazzled Mom

Dear Frazzled Mom,

You may find comfort in the knowledge that fighting between siblings ranks very high in most people’s parental pet peeves. It’s loud, it’s intense, and sometimes it seems it will never go away. Before we tackle the question of to do about kids’ fighting, it’s important to step back and consider the large picture of what it is we’d like to accomplish when we intervene. You may be groaning and rolling your eyes. “I just want it stopped!” But let’s take a closer look at some vital lessons we can impart to our children along the way.

You have identified conflicts between young children: “You stole my stickers!” “Stop looking at me!” and the like. These conflicts will evolve into more complex conflicts throughout every age of childhood and the teenage years. In its various forms, conflict is inevitable. So the bad news is, your children probably won’t grow out of this anytime soon

But don’t despair. Before we resign ourselves to constant bickering, let’s take a look at the necessity of these conflicts and the opportunities they offer us as parents.

The possibility of conflict between two parties is present and unavoidable in every form of human interaction. People have needs, and these needs may conflict with those of another person. We know all about conflicts between siblings, but it isn’t difficult to identify conflict at every level: between neighbors (“He keeps blocking my driveway!”), in the workplace (“I put in all this work and she takes the credit!”), and even on global levels (“They stole our land!”).

Now let’s revisit the issue of fighting between siblings. When we widen our lens to take in the larger picture, the bickering takes on a new importance – a new potential. Fighting between siblings becomes a unique opportunity for children to learn conflict resolution skills in a supportive atmosphere. We offer them a virtual social laboratory, enabling them to learn these skills at their own pace, with plenty of opportunities to practice! Here, they learn to navigate the complex maze of human relationships. Here is a safe environment where they can utilize their unique endowment of strengths to build rewarding relationships while ensuring each party’s satisfaction. We can guide them in learning to get their needs met without impinging on someone else’s and how to be assertive and proactive without resorting to aggression or submission.

So next time the inevitable, “He kicked me!” is heard in your home, view it as a unique teaching opportunity. And have no fear: if you botched it the first time, rest assured you’ll have many additional opportunities at your disposal!

Firstly, whenever possible, ignore bickering. The guiding principle here, and among many other areas of parenting, is to foster responsibility among your children. Try to let the kids resolve these mini-conflicts; intervening should be done minimally and as a last resort so as not leave the children feeling as if they can’t handle it alone.

Sometimes you’ll hear the arguing beginning to escalate, and your intervention may be helpful. Not to judge or serve as a referee, but rather to help dispel the tension and allow the children to actually hear each others’ needs. Think of your role as that of a translator: your job is to translate each child’s screaming, name-calling, and even physical aggression, into a language the other child can hear and accept, while preserving the intensity and feeling and the needs communicated by the first child.

When you hear: “You’re such a disgusting slob! I can’t stand living with you! I spend hours cleaning up and you’ve wrecked it gain- now I have nowhere to hang out with my friends!”

You as translator can interject: “Whoa! You’re really mad. You’ve worked so hard and it’s frustrating to see all that work go to waste. And it’ll be embarrassing for to bring friends here…” This allows the children to deal with actual feelings and needs, without getting stuck in blaming and name-calling.

Finally, if fighting gets to a point where parental intervention is inescapable, try to use it as an opportunity to impart a bite-sized lesson of the values in your home (while physically restraining, if necessary.) “Stop! I see two children about to really hurt each other! You must be really mad! But in our house, we use our mouth to show each other we’re angry… Ben- you go to your room. Amy- to yours. When you’ve calmed down enough to talk it out, come out and work it through!”

Sibling conflicts can be an opportunity to teach our children some of our deepest values about respect, relationships, and communication. Seize the opportunity to share these lessons, and with time, you’ll begin to see your children mirror these values in their own relationships.

Margo Sasson is a family therapist specializing in work with children and their families, as well as an instructor of undergraduate psychology. She is married and a mother of three children.

How To Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Putting Your SELF in the Development of Self-Esteem
By Dyan Eybergen, RN © 2009

Self-esteem is not something children are born with.

Its development begins during infancy and is primarily based on the interactions children have with their parents and that those interactions are positive in nature.

The development of children’s self-esteem unfolds with the perceptions of those closest to them and then expands, as they get older, to outside the nuclear family. Children will internalize the feelings and experiences they encounter through these relationships and incorporate them into a definition of who they are. When they experience affirmative relationships, children will build confidence in their own merit as individual people.

It is imperative then, that parents, being the first point of relationship contact for a child, set the groundwork for the development of a healthy self-esteem. Parents can facilitate this process by exhibiting 4 basic behaviours to their children on a consistent basis. These SELF parenting behaviours are as follows:

Support: Parents provide a safe haven for children where they come to express their dreams and aspirations, their fears and their failures and know that their parents will listen. It is a place of retreat when things go wrong. Children will know that their parents “place” offers a supportive framework that they can lean on, gather strength and be encouraged to carry on.

Empower: As children grow parents bestow onto them more and more autonomy and authorize a sense of independence. From learning to tie their own shoes to driving a car, parents instil confidence in their children to try new things and tackle chores and problems on their own. Parents recognize their children’s strengths and highlight them so children begin to use their strengths to make decisions and choose career paths that are right for them.

Love that is unconditional: Parents continue to demonstrate and communicate their adoration for their children, no matter what their children have done. Parents see their child’s misbehaviour as opportunities for their child to learn and grow. Parents help misbehaved children learn from their mistakes, guide them to make amends for their wrong doing and help them to choose appropriate behaviours the next time.

Faith in the child’s capabilities: Parents trust that their children will learn right from wrong. As their children grow, parents give them opportunities to exercise problem solving and negotiation skills. Parents set their children up for success based on individual character strengths and allow their children to make mistakes and learn from them. Parents communicate trust and belief in their children’s ability to succeed, right from learning to feed independently, to taking their first steps, to going off to University.

Through a consistent showing of the SELF parenting behaviours, children get positive reinforcement of specific self-esteem attributes. Children who receive support are Strengthened; those who are empowered, feel Encouraged; children who know unconditional love learn to Love themselves and when children know that their parents have faith in them, they are Fulfilled as a human beings.

Dyan Eybergen is the author of Out of the Mouths of Babes: Parenting from a Child’s Perspective. Dyan is a paediatric psychiatric nurse, has more than ten years experience working as a therapist and parent educator. Dyan and her family were guests on the cable television show “For Kids Sake”, along with parenting expert Barbara Coloroso. Eybergen resides in St. Albert, Alberta, with her husband and three sons.

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