Monitoring Early Childhood Development

Guest post: This post was written by Adriana Copaceanu on behalf of Cute Diaper Bags, specializing in reviewing the latest diaper bags for moms who want functional as well as trendy baby bags. Her top recommendation?  Petunia Pickle Bottom Diaper Bags

The growth of a child is incredibly important. Parents invest time, money and
energy in making sure that their children are growing mentally, emotionally and
physically in the proper manner. There are a number of resources that are
available to help parents track and monitor the development of their children.
Early childhood development is extremely important for number of reasons. The
ability to know if a child is developing at a normal pace is very important in
order to identify any possible problems such as autism. Parents of young
children should note a number of different factors when they are trying to
monitor their children’s progression. Taking the time to notice even the
smallest things about a child’s development can ensure that children are
receiving the proper stimulation and if necessary help for any issues.

For parents, particularly those that are new to raising children, there are a
number of resources available to help with the monitoring of a child’s
development. One of the best resources is the family physician or the child’s
pediatrician. This individual is core to analyzing how a child is developing and
if there are any issues that need to be addressed. Oftentimes, when parents are
concerned about such issues as their children not speaking, not listening to
what is being said or an issue with physical growth, the pediatrician is one of
the first people that is consulted. Pediatricians are experts on early childhood
development and can be of great assistance to parents that have some concerns
about their children. Parents should not hesitate to consult with their child’s
pediatrician if they feel as if there is a developmental delay. The sooner such
issues are addressed the better able a child can be assisted.

There also a number of resources that are available throughout the Internet.
There are many organizations that cater to providing parents with information in
regards to early childhood development. These resources can be very informative
and can assist parents in understanding where their children should be
developmentally by a certain age. It is very important to understand that
children do develop differently. However, they are certain characteristics that
are applicable to children at certain ages. Such developmental features as fine
motor skills, the ability to talk and social integration are very important.
There are a variety of websites and forums where parents can locate information
pertaining to childhood development. Furthermore, the forums that are available
allow parents to discuss amongst themselves any problems and concerns and to
pose questions that other parents may be able to answer.

Watching a child steadily growing as a person is in an amazing experience for
any parent. Making sure that children are developing in the proper manner is
very important in order to identify any issues that can possibly be rectified
while the child is still impressionable and able to be treated. Also, knowing
that a child is developing in a manner that is conducive to healthy growth
provides parents with peace of mind. It is highly recommended that parents
become very proactive when it comes to the growth and development of their
children.

Stroller Accessories Moms Swear By

Stroller Accessories Moms Swear By

Explore three essentials for your outings plus the accessories your stroller brand may offer.

MADE IN THE SHADE
Protect a Bub is a sun shade that was developed by an Australian mom who was concerned about her baby’s skin and found no adequate way to protect him. So she invented a large sun canopy that you can attach to your stroller and has UV protection with an SPF 50 for your child.

So many strollers today, from high-end to the cheapest, have the same complaint about the inadequate sun canopy. The Protect a Bub has had 4.5 to 5-star ratings across all its product models by parents who are thrilled with how well the canopy shades their kids.

One mother said in June 2010 that, “This product fits beautifully and comes down fully to offer great protection. I also like that it’s flexible enough to keep it attached to the stroller, just lift it back and put my son into it, then pull the cover down again.”

With this problem solved, what happens if you don’t have enough storage space or a place for drinks?

KEEPING IT TOGETHER
Umbrella and lightweight strollers are super convenient, but the features most of them lack are a parent organizer tray and cup holder. Even many full size strollers don’t offer these necessities and they are sorely missed by parents who write in their reviews that their stroller is perfect except for this.

Two very popular stroller accessories that moms swear by are the Buggy Buddy by Sunshine Kids and the Cups ‘N Cargo Stroller Organizer by J.L. Childress, both with excellent ratings and 4.5-star reviews by satisfied customers.

The Buggy Buddy fits onto most strollers by attaching loops around each end of the handle bar. It holds two cups and has a large central space with flexible dividers and zippered pockets for storing keys and other small items. At less than $10, this stroller accessory is a real bargain.

The Cups ‘N Cargo is made especially for umbrella strollers like the Maclaren where it attaches over each handle. Features include two cup holders, three zippered pockets and one flat pocket and a convenient expandable mesh pouch.

A mother named Meg remarked, “I was searching to find a cheap new stroller with better storage when I stumbled upon this product. Not only did it save me from investing in another stroller, it worked perfectly.”

Now if only baby didn’t drop her sippy cup! Oh, she won’t any more if you read on…

SECURELY FASTENED
The great thing about this next stroller accessory is that you can use them not only with strollers, but with car seats and high chairs too. The product is a strap that secures sippy cups, bottles, snack tubs and small toys. Parents can attach these straps to the safety harness of the stroller or car seat and the other end to the snack/drink/toy and it won’t ever fall to the ground or the back seat of the car where you cannot reach it.

The Booginhead SippiGrip is one product with lots of positive reviews:
“This is a great invention. My daughter loves throwing snacks, toys and drinks, but this keeps them all in the stroller. I no longer have to pick up after her in the stores and wash her items. ”

Booginhead also makes a pacifier holder called the PaciGrip that is hugely popular. I can’t count how many times my baby’s binky popped out of his mouth and onto the dirty ground. This product would have been wonderful to have!

You might check out the Baby Buddy Secure-A-Toy, 2 Pack with assorted color combinations as well.

And now let us batten down the hatches…

BAD WEATHER ‘N BUGS
Lots of stroller brands offer separate accessories for your stroller for purchase; bug screens, rain covers, cup holders, travel bags, bumper bars, seat pads, matching diaper bags and foot muffs are designed to fit your stroller’s unique design. You’ve just got to be prepared for the extra expense but these stroller accessories are very nice to have because you will be ready for lots of different kinds of weather or travel situations.

Some brands include accessories with purchase. Quinny offers a rain shield and bug net and Zooper strollers pride themselves on including everything: extra sun shade, sleeping bag (leg and foot muff) drink holder, and rain shield. Customers love this because they feel they are already spending a lot of money on these higher-end strollers and it’s a nice touch.

CHIME IN
What’s your favorite stroller accessory? Has there been a product that you find is indespensible during your outings with your child? Share it with a comment so others can benefit – nothing like word of mouth!

Amy Tanathorn researches the best baby strollers at Stroller Envy, where you can find in-depth reviews and ratings, including video demonstrations.

Online Preschool Programs Help Build Skills and Relationships

As countless foreign language instructors can attest, both children and adults learn best by being immersed in the learning process. This is especially true for younger children in the formative stages of development, since the habits and skills they learn in the earliest years form the basis for all later educational endeavors. Providing a rich, interactive environment can significantly increase the child’s vocabulary range, fine motor skills and competence in dealing with the outside world. This, in turn, can help to produce a happier, better-adjusted child with enhanced social skills and self-confidence in the educational and social environment.

What To Look For & How to Choose

Integrated preschool online programs can be an important part of the learning process for younger children and can serve as preschool preparation as well, helping children learn what to expect in a more formal learning environment. Online programs should integrate music, speech and visual elements seamlessly and provide simple, easy-to-understand directions that even the youngest children can follow. The best programs teach children to identify and recognize letter sounds, numbers and colors and incorporate multiple teaching methods to help children with different learning styles achieve success. By including a wide range of activities and allowing children to progress through them at their own pace, online preschool and kindergarten programs can instill a drive to succeed that often continues throughout the elementary and secondary school years.

In order to provide adequate preschool preparation and pre-kindergarten readiness, preschool online should incorporate interactive play in a variety of different areas. Music activities have been shown to improve preschool math skills, and the ability to recognize letter sounds and identify them properly provides a solid basis for reading in the future; all the elements work together in concert to create a cohesive learning environment that helps children gain skills more rapidly than with other types of learning. Because online preschool activities are interactive and fun, children spend more time engaged with learning and developing the knowledge that will help them succeed in primary education.

The Benefits

Children who participate in online preschool programs typically develop a far greater comfort level with technology and computer use than children who are denied these opportunities. By providing these opportunities to their children, parents can ensure that they are well prepared for the challenges of the twenty-first century and ready for the progressive and structured environment in today’s modern school systems. Online preschool and pre-kindergarten classes that are bright, challenging and fun can inspire a love of learning that children can benefit from throughout their educational careers. Best of all, children can enjoy the bonding time that results when parents work with them to learn the concepts presented in a comprehensive curriculum, allowing the family to build skills and relationships at the same time.

Jessica writes about a wide variety of topics.  She especially enjoys writing about early childhood development. You can learn more about preschool math skills at abcmouse.com

Monitoring Early Childhood Development

The growth of a child is incredibly important. Parents invest time, money and energy in making sure that their children are growing mentally, emotionally and physically in the proper manner. There are a number of resources that are available to help parents track and monitor the development of their children. Early childhood development is extremely important for number of reasons. The ability to know if a child is developing at a normal pace is very important in order to identify any possible problems such as autism. Parents of young children should note a number of different factors when they are trying to monitor their children’s progression. Taking the time to notice even the smallest things about a child’s development can ensure that children are receiving the proper stimulation and if necessary help for any issues.

For parents, particularly those that are new to raising children, there are a number of resources available to help with the monitoring of a child’s development. One of the best resources is the family physician or the child’s pediatrician. This individual is core to analyzing how a child is developing and if there are any issues that need to be addressed. Oftentimes, when parents are concerned about such issues as their children not speaking, not listing to what is being said or an issue with physical growth the pediatrician is one of the first people that is consulted. Pediatricians are experts on early childhood development and can be of great assistance to parents that have some concerns about their children. Parents should not hesitate to consult with their child’s pediatrician if they feel as if there is a developmental delay. The sooner such issues are addressed the better able a child can be assisted.

There also a number of resources that are available throughout the Internet. There are many organizations that cater to providing parents with information in regards to early childhood development. These resources can be very informative and can assist parents in understanding where their children should be developmentally by a certain age. It is very important to understand that children do develop differently. However, they are certain characteristics that are applicable to children at certain ages. Such developmental features as fine motor skills, the ability to talk and social integration are very important. There are a variety of websites and forums where parents can locate information pertaining to childhood development. Furthermore, the forums that are available allow parents to discuss amongst themselves any problems and concerns and to pose questions that other parents may be able to answer.

Watching a child steadily growing into themselves as a person is in an amazing experience for any parent.  Making sure that children are developing in the proper manner is very important in order to identify any issues that can possibly be rectified while the child is still impressionable and able to be treated.  Also, knowing that a child is developing in a manner that is conducive to healthy growth provides parents with peace of mind.  It is highly recommended that parents become very proactive when it comes to the growth and development of their children.

Learn more about how you can help your child develop better

Creating Healthy Snacks for Kids

The days of allowing children to eat anything they desire from the pantry and cupboards is drawing to a close.  With childhood obesity rates climbing each year more parents are seeking healthy food options for their children. While many parents may take the time to make healthy main course meals, it can be a bit more difficult to monitor the types of snacks that children consume. There are a number of very healthy snacking options that can replace the heavily salted and sugared food products that many children eat on a daily basis.  Finding the time to research a variety of different snacks that are not only healthy but delicious for children is highly recommended in order to continually offer children the best healthy foods available.

In general, snacks can be divided into two different groups.  There are the salty snacks and the sweet snacks. In many cases, children do prefer to eat salty potato chips and sweet pastries between main meals. It is a very important for parents to understand that there are certain types of snack categories in order to be better prepared to offer their children healthy snack alternatives. For example, in order to replace the salty snacks that children like to eat in their spare time it is necessary to find a healthy equivalent. Such foods that can replace many of the salty snacks include vegetables such as carrot sticks and celery with a low-fat dressing, air popped popcorn or baked tortilla chips. These options are not only healthy but they are also delicious and satisfy the urge to eat a salty snack.

Similarly, there are numerous healthy alternatives to satisfy a child’s sweet tooth. Instead allowing children to gorge on pastries, cookies and sugar filled candies parents can offer a selection of sweet healthy snacks for kids. Fruit is one of the best healthy alternatives to satisfy a sweet tooth. There is an array of fruit available on the market. The key to introducing fruit to children as an alternative to unhealthy sweet snacks is to provide a variety. While apples and oranges are great, there are a host of other fruits that can be purchased that children will surely enjoy. Such fruit as pineapples, mangoes, kiwi, bananas, grapes and an assortment of melons are available to choose from. Instead of limiting children to certain types of fruit make it a priority to introduce them to different fruit as snacks.

One of the best ways to get children to eat healthier snacks is to involve them in the process of choosing the foods that they would like to eat.  Parents can explain to their children the benefits of eating healthier foods and take their children along to the grocery store or local farmers markets to select fruit and vegetables.  Then, parents can engage their children in the process of making healthy snacks by allowing them to choose which fruit or vegetable they would like to eat.  When children feel they have an opportunity to select the foods they would like to eat they are more likely to be willing to consume the healthy foods that a parent offers.

Learn more about healthy eating for kids.

Things to Do Now to Minimize Holiday Stress Later

Holiday stress is just one of those things we choose to deal with year after year because it benefits others. High levels of it can be just as bad as any other stress though, so it’s a good idea to do things that will help keep the spooky, turkey and Santa stress low.

A good first step is to map out some of the bumps in the road that can be avoided from last year. Lay it out on paper and make two separate lists: Things that work and things that won’t work. Things that work should be a list of things that come easy to you and you know you can do without worrying. Try and focus on the event or ideas that made you happy throughout, not just once it was over. Things that won’t work should be the stuff you remember being draining and leaving you overwhelmed. Figure out what you need to do to incorporate more of the positive list and weed out the negative list. Tweaking the things that won’t work can also help make them good if they just can’t be done without.

Family crafts are one of the best holiday ideas you can practice. Most holidays originated from handmade goodness and it brings the family closer together when everybody is making them. Even the baby can scribble a little something on a piece of paper for a truly sentimental gift card. With all of this done before the actual holidays ever arrive, it’s one less thing to worry about when the time comes to deliver your holiday cards.

Shopping is also one of those big stress factors that can be easily dealt with if it’s done before the crunch-time. Keep a list of the holidays you buy for next to the calendar so you see it everyday. When you’re out and about buy things on sale no matter what time of year it and cross them off of your list as you go. Always watch for specials, especially online ones that you may not see advertised in the weekly paper. For instance, there is almost always some good Best Buy coupons online and Walmart coupons. This actually turns shopping into something fun and it becomes a big relief come the holiday when you have everything ready to go. Also consider buying green, the products help the environment and tend to cost less, less cost is less stress.

Try some simpler approaches to gift wrapping with creative gift wrapping. Stick to one color and match everything including bows and bags to that color. This way, if anything happens to the wrapping or ties before it’s time to open them you have handy replacements ready to go. You can also choose a theme. Either way, start picking these things up (bags, scarves or even magazines you can cut from to create easy, cheap wrapping). Once it’s time to wrap, you have everything ready to go.

If you are planning on traveling somewhere with the gifts just throw some spare wrapping and bows in the car and give them an extra touch up once you arrive.

Most importantly, take care of yourself. Getting enough sleep and eating more than a cup of coffee will help you keep control of any stresses that do find their way into your holidays. A good diet and some sort of exercise helps maintain energy levels, which is a big factor on how stressful situations are handled. Low energy means high irritability and that’s no good for the holiday spirits. So eat up and rest up and start immediately. The sooner you put your holiday plans into action the sooner you get to relax and enjoy all your hard work.

Lasting Behavior Changes

Recently, several responses to the question, “What is your most pressing parenting problem?” turned up in my inbox.

Here are some of the replies:

Getting my 11-year-old motivated to do more and to avoid disagreements.

My 9-year-old daughter is very disrespectful and I want to address that.

I not only want to be a better grandparent than I was a parent at 17; I want to set a good example for my grandchildren’s parents.

I want to foster joy and creativity in my child.

My 5-year-old sulks and pouts whenever things do not go his way.

Trying to get my kids to do what they need to do (get dressed, bathe, come to dinner) without threats, counting or other coercion.

Each statement above deserves its own article and comes with its unique history and circumstances.

Yet, it is possible to address so many issues simultaneously by thinking of your child as a river.  Yes, imagine that your daughter is a small stream in your yard.

The stream flows from upstream and meanders to the left in your backyard.  For the sake of this parable, ‘left’ is a manifestation of negative behavior, and ‘right’ refers to positive behavior.

Your child is exhibiting negative behavior, and you’d like to see her take positive actions.

So, in our story, the creek is flowing towards the left, and your goal is to change the current to the right.

There are lots of things you can do to change the flow of the water:  You may choose to use oars to manually direct the current in the opposite direction; you can get a powerful fan to blow the waters toward the right; or you may decide to use the force of your hands to guide the water in its new path.

Similarly, you may choose to offer your child an incentive for better behavior, a threat of punishment for negative behavior, or distract your daughter for the issue at hand and hope for the best!

All of your activities at the stream in your yard will have a little bit of impact in the flow of the water, but the current will resume its prior direction as soon as you stop tinkering with it.  So too, your child will likely revert back to negative habits as soon as you cease the incentives or threats.

Only by manipulating the riverbed can you cause lasting change to the flow of water in your yard.  You may not be aware of the bedrock beneath the stream, yet that is what defines the path of the water.

And it is only by fundamentally changing the bedrock of your relationship with your child that real and meaningful behavioral changes will occur.  It is entirely possible that you are currently unaware of the subtleties of the parent-child relationship in your home; yet that is the foundation that determines the dynamics of your family.

Many people continue to kick and slap the water flowing in their yard in the right direction, and they feel continually frustrated to find that a short time later the old situation returned.  Most parents continue to institute incentives and threats, and are surprised that their children do not exhibit respect and compliance.

The Path of Least Resistance by Robert Fritz eloquently describes that when superficial changes are made, lasting changes cannot occur.  If the riverbed remains unchanged, the water will continue to flow as it always has, since that is the most natural route for it to take.  If the underlying structures of your life remain unchanged; the greatest tendency is for you and your family to follow the same direction your life has always taken.

Just as engineers can change the path of a river by changing the structure of the terrain so that the river flows where they want it to go, you can change the very basic structure of your family relationships to create the life you want.

I will be sharing years of accumulated knowledge and exercises that you can do to make your family’s new habits easier to do than the old ones in my new teleseminar.  Details can be found here:  http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/connection-workshop/

Hunger for Touch

Perhaps the most effective way to determine the value of an idea is to determine the negative effects that occur when that concept is missing.

Let’s examine the power of human touch regarding children and the accompanying effects that can result from insufficient physical contact.

Recent research in neuroscience has shown that loving touch is not an optional aspect of childrearing; it is essential for child development, and a lack of touch damages not only individuals, but our whole society. Loving touch releases the hormones oxytocin and dopamine, while infants who have not been touched have an increase in their levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

Electrical stimulation in laboratories demonstrates that pleasurable behavior and violent behavior are mutually exclusive. Like a light switch that can be either “on” or “off”- the human body can only handle one sensation- be it pleasure or violence- in a single moment. The results of the study testify that the more pleasurable feelings a human being experiences, the less likely violent urges are to surface.

Newborn animals that were placed in isolation invariably developed aggressive and self-destructive behaviors. Perhaps an increase in affectionate physical contact would move society towards world peace more effectively than political negotiations?!

For various reasons, Western society has become a “touch-hungry” culture where fear of lawsuits and social norms restrict tender touch outside of intimate relationships. There is an endless supply of “cradles” for our babies- bouncy seats, swings, and exersaucers- which all serve the purpose of freeing Mom or Dad’s hands to be busy with something other than holding and cuddling Baby.

Touch is a universal language that transcends verbal ability in communication. A squeeze of a hand, the pat on the back, or a gentle embrace, convey a primal message of comfort and tenderness.

A reassuring hug is the natural reaction towards the child who is upset or frustrated. Yet, what about those busy days where things go smoothly? Does the child lose out, in a certain respect, when she behaves well all day and does not receive that comforting embrace?

It is essential to incorporate non-responsive touch into our children’s day in order to provide the emotional and neurological benefits of touch. Try stroking your son’s hair while you do schoolwork together or rubbing your daughter’s back as he settles down to bed. These actions come more naturally when children are toddler or preschool age, as they grow older more of an effort needs to be made to remember to continue physical closeness.

Reading a story or watching a movie together is a beneficial time to put your arm around your child- even if she is a teenager! As children age, many will resist touch as they struggle to become independent. Don’t feel offended or insulted if your child is in that stage- rest assured that it is totally normal! Without any fanfare or comments, continue to brush his shoulder as you fix his color, or pat her back as you smooth her hair. Nobody is too old for demonstrative love, even if many a thirteen-year-old thinks so!

Infant massage is a wonderful manner of incorporating loving touch in a baby’s early years of development. There are many books and DVD‘s available that demonstrate effective techniques.

If you live with a partner, take the time and energy to make sure that you fulfill one another’s need for touch on a regular basis, or schedule a massage with a professional.

Our modern lifestyle includes phone conversations, text messages, and emails, which all serve to make us more “in touch” with each other- while the physical distance between us limits actually being “in touch”.

My son appreciates a back rub as he recounts the sports he played during recess at bedtime, even though he often resists hugs during the day. Discover the timing and methods of loving touch that work for your family and share your tips below!

Are You Spoiling Your Kid?

From the very first infant feeding to college tuition, parents are constantly giving to their children.

Some parents give more, and others less; yet we all wonder at some point, “Am I spoiling my daughter?” or, “Is buying this item for my son truly a good idea?”

Is there a guide or checklist that can inform parents when they are giving to their children in a healthy manner versus overindulging them? How can we know whether we are spoiling our children?

Let’s examine a child’s developmental stages:

When a small soul is born, the baby’s fist is clenched- a symbol of his position in humanity as a ‘taker”. As he grows, we hope that he will learn to open up his palm and become a “giver” with an outstretched hand.

For the first few months of his life, a baby is only capable of seeing the world through his very own point of reference. At approximately eight months of age, the baby learns the concept of “object transience” – the idea that objects exist even if he is unable to see them. At this stage the baby realizes that his parents or primary caretakers are separate from himself; this is the age where stranger-anxiety occurs, and his newfound discovery make the game of “peek-a-boo” so much fun!

In a healthy setting, as the baby becomes a toddler, he learns to interact with others and discovers that his actions can affect other people’s reactions. He will learn age-appropriate social skills and delight in giving back to his parents; with a smile, sharing a blanket, or a Lego project. A child in a state of fulfillment will generally develop normally.

In an unhealthy setting, where a baby’s emotional and/or physical needs are not sufficiently met, a toddler’s interaction with other people will constantly be an attempt to manipulate them to fulfill his needs. This child is typically left with a TV as a babysitter for long periods of time and develops poor social skills when he begins to associate with his peers.

Paradoxically, it is the giving and nurturing of a child which allows his to become a giving and nice person.

We all know narcissistic adults who are only capable of seeing the world through their own selfish viewpoint. These are the people that get insulted easily, manipulate others to do their wishes- often using guilt-trips, and ‘kiss-up’ to those that are on a higher socio-economic level than themselves.

In essence, narcissistic adults are unknowingly trying to get the love, attention, and nurturing that they lacked in their childhood.

Now, what does all this have to do with whether I should buy my teenage daughter a new Jaguar or not?

There are only two types of spoiling:

1) Alternating between not giving a child enough and then giving much too much.

Example: A jet-setting father who spends more time overseas than at home will purchase expensive gifts to compensate for the lack of attention he gives his child.

2) Giving to a child because of your insecurity and need for the child to depend upon you.

Example: An unconfident mother will buy her newlywed daughter a home and furnishings so that she maintains a feeling of usefulness, not because of heartfelt generosity.

There is no direction booklet which states “the appropriate framework of gift-giving to children without crossing the border of spoiling is giving the amount of the square-root of their age multiplied by the median income in a five-mile radius of your home each calendar month.”

Ironically, the way to inoculate your children from being needy, narcissist adults is by giving to them in a consistent and age-appropriate manner.

If the majority of their classmates have it, your child should have it- or at least a means of earning it.

Even though you walked to school five miles, and it was uphill both ways, and it took you a year to save enough for a beat-up bicycle- if all the kids in the neighborhood are riding bikes, get one for your kid.

If you live in a neighborhood or school district where children are given extravagant things, you may want to rethink your place of living as your children get older and begin to understand “keeping up with the Jones”.

By far, the most essential gift you can give your child is love, which children spell T-I-M-E!

Preventing Sexual Abuse

Last week I was privileged to attend a lecture on the subject of preventing sexual abuse among children by Dr. D. Pelcovitz, professor of education and psychology at Azrieli Graduate School of Jewish Education in New York.

There is a theory among overprotective parents that the ideal way of ensuring our children’s safety is to watch them vigilantly at every moment. However, not only is it impossible to constantly keep our children in our site, it is educationally an incorrect method of raising children. Teens and school-age children require a certain amount of privacy and freedom in order to properly mature and learn responsibility.

Many parents are afraid of talking to children about issues of abuse, marriage, and the facts of life. However, just like giving a child a bitter-tasting yet necessary medication, parents must not abdicate their responsibility and avoid discussions which may be uncomfortable. Done correctly, speaking to children about intimate topics will create a warm and loving bond.

We all talk to our children about safety with regard to crossing the street. No parent is remiss in talking to their children about food, water, and fire safety. Discussions about personal safety ought to be approached with the same vibe. Just as you look both ways prior to crossing the street and never go swimming without a lifeguard, so too, you must know that nobody has permission to touch your private parts.

Teach wariness without fear: Just as a child is not anxious about looking left and right before crossing the street, there is no need to inject undue tension into the discussion.

It must be stressed that molesters are often people very close to the child, and it is worthwhile adding that “Nobody has permission to touch the areas covered by your bathing suit” include aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers, and trusted babysitters. Only a doctor, under the auspices of a parent, can touch private areas.

Give examples of types of touches, and allow your child to elaborate about how those touches make him feel: Chills, hugs, massages, and holding hands.

Role playing is a valuable tool to aid children in the ability to say “No”.

The majority of child molesters are ‘shopping around’ for vulnerable victims and a firm “NO” will generally cause the perpetuator to search elsewhere for another child.

Role-playing and discussions need not be limited to discussions of a child’s private parts, as most abusers do not begin by touching a child’s genitals.

“Tommy, what would you do if Uncle Al tickles you too much and you want him to stop?” – would be a simple opening to begin this discussion.

A child must be secure in the knowledge that his body belongs to him alone, and he has the right to say “no” to any kind of touch that makes him feel uncomfortable, whether it is an aunt’s over-exuberant kisses, an uncle’s incessant tickles, or a neighbor’s suffocating hugs.

“STOP! I don’t like that” is the response that children must know they are always allowed to proclaim.

If the perpetrator of the unwanted touch does not stop, the child should be taught to continue screaming until help arrives. This golden nugget has saved many children from abuse- generally because they had parents that took the time to teach them this concept.

Very often abuse occurs in familiar territory: an unused classroom, the laundry room in the basement, or a deserted area of a playground. Screaming for help will hopefully alert someone within a short period of time.

The concept that ‘my body belongs to me’ is likely to be a novel one for preschoolers who view adults (and ten-year-olds!) as the rulers of their universe. “Might makes right” is what youngsters generally think, and if a grown-up is doing something, then it must be correct.

In summary, catch a teachable moment where you can talk to your children, and thus dramatically increase their chances of not becoming a victim. Speaking about hypothetical situations builds up children’s muscles in order for them to stand up for themselves..

Here are just a few conversation starters:

“What would you do if the babysitter told you that her boyfriend is coming over, but it is a secret and you can’t tell Mom and Dad?”

“Let’s say a teacher gives you a hug that feels yucky, what would you do?”

“What if someone tells you a secret and says that he would hurt you if you tell anyone about it? Would you tell Mom or Dad?”

Getting Kids Organized: Tips that Work!

Teaching Children to Organize Their Possessions: Five Tips for Parents

If you’d look under the children’s beds or in the playrooms of most houses, you might think there is no way to get your kids organized. Stuffed animals have a way of multiplying and covering beds and dressers, game and jigsaw puzzle pieces somehow never make it all back into the box, there’s always a treasured Lego or K’Nex creation that just can’t be cleaned up after all the hard work it took to make it. A multitude of papers come home from school each week. There are also brochures from favorite museums, special photographs, and little treasures like special pens, old coins, pencil toppers, etc., that have a way of filling up drawers.

If you’re like most parents you’d like to find a way to control the clutter, maintain order with the toys, and get your children more involved in the process. There are several easy steps that parents can take to help children become skilled at keeping organized.

Before I tell you how to get organized, I’d like to tell you why it’s important. My children attend a Montessori nursery school. The head teacher shared with me some important reasons to teach children to organize their possessions. If you’ve ever seen a Montessori classroom, it’s full of interesting and delightful activities for children, each stored independently in its own container or on a tray. Presenting the materials in that way helps children develop strong focus and concentration skills. Each container or tray contains one discrete activity that a child can explore and master. When the child is finished using that activity, or wants to do something else, he puts it away and takes out another.

I believe this is a wonderful approach for a playroom or any area where you store children’s activities. We don’t just give children their toys or activities to keep them entertained while we make dinner. Their puzzles, pretend-play toys, coloring books and markers also teach educational skills like counting or spatial relations and even help children to develop motor skills. By encouraging children to use one activity at a time, we hope they’ll learn to master that activity, learn the needed skills and move onto harder puzzles or coloring more elaborate pictures.

This is not to say that children can’t build a nice Lego garage and then bring over all their trucks to park inside. I think that’s wonderful – those are two activities that go nicely together. We just want to organize our play areas in such a way that it encourages a child to follow through on an activity to completion, thereby gaining the skills it imparts.

Another wonderful aspect to Montessori organization is the emphasis on low key décor. The walls are not lined with overwhelming posters, letter charts, pictures of the months, and different colored bulletin boards. Instead, there are some of the children’s artworks, posted at eye level. Shelving is all at the child’s height, made of natural materials and generally in light color. The activities on the shelves really draw children’s attention instead of a distracting décor on the walls. This provides a calm environment to play and learn. Evaluate your playroom to see if you can replace loud, colorful artwork with more natural décor creating a more serene environment where your children can play.

I’d like to share some tips with you on how you can get started organizing with your children. Using the Montessori approach, and some ideas of my own, I’ve provided several tips below broken out for different age groups. To get started, begin with the steps for the age 3-5 group. These are the fundamental steps for the organizational methods I’m recommending. Once you’ve implemented the age 3-5 steps and your household has integrated them, you can go onto the next steps more easily.

Start slow and make it fun and you’ll have greater chances for success!

1. Create the environment.

Once you decide to get your kids started organizing their stuff, your first step will be to set up an organizational system and teach them how to maintain it. De-cluttering is key to making the organizational system work. Once you do it, your children’s playroom and bedrooms will be more serene and livable. To get started, choose items you will get rid of or put in storage, and which items you will keep available. Be sure to rotate your children’s toys in and out of a storage area every few months. When the newly rotated toys or puzzles appear on their shelves, it’s almost as exciting as getting new toys. Be sure to store or give away toys that your children have totally outgrown.

You’ll need to buy the organizational supplies the children will need in to keep their space tidy. Set up child-sized shelving, or even use the bottom shelves of your living room bookcases where your children’s toys will be kept. Be sure your children have a special drawer in a desk or dresser in which to keep all their small odds and ends. In-drawer organizers will help them keep those items orderly.

For children ages 3-5: Put toys that are loose (cars, doll house toys, kitchen toys, etc.) each into their own storage container. Each container should be stored on the toy shelving area you’ve created. Toys with lots of pieces can sometimes be hard for little ones to clean up themselves (Legos, Lincoln Logs). Keep these items on higher shelves so only a parent can take them down for the children to use. This should prevent a messy toy from being dumped out just before leaving for school, or some other occasion when there isn’t much time to clean up.

For children ages 6-8: These children may have lots of collections (coin, sticker, model air plane) school projects and reports, and other odds and ends they want to save. Help them organize their collections into plastic sheet protectors in loose leaf notebooks, artwork should go into an art portfolio stored on a bookshelf or desk drawer, model airplanes can go on higher up shelving in the bedroom or playroom.

For children ages 10 and up: Kids in this age group may also have a lot of papers and documents to store. Desktop and drawer organizers are essential. A file cabinet may even be in order if your child really likes to save his reports and certificates of achievement. Bookshelves for long chapter books, photo albums and school text books will also be important.

2. Set Rules.

Many families allow no more than one toy out at a time. This is mostly to ensure parents don’t face a clean-up nightmare and makes it manageable for children to be responsible for the own mess. Just as in a Montessori class, you will help your children maintain playroom organization by insisting that the first activity must be cleaned up before another activity can be taken out. Set a regular cleanup period required before coming to the next activity, say eating dinner or starting homework. If dinner time is always at 6:00, then cleanup starts at 5:45 each day. Stick to this rule and your children will eventually anticipate the clean up period. They will come to learn that 5:40 is not a smart time to start a major art project or 200 piece puzzle.

Ages 3-5: How many times have you seen your preschoolers halfway finish a puzzle, then build a house out of blocks, and then get caught up coloring before they ever even finished using or cleaning up any of those activities? The one-toy-at-a-time rule will help children gain a bit of focus and concentration by completing one activity before being distracted by another.

Ages 6-8: Sometimes children this age work for hours on one special creation, say an Erector Set robot or massive Lego spaceship. It’s emotionally hard to clean up something that took so much time and effort to build. Create a space where one extra-special creation can be stored. If a child wants to make or save another amazing creation, then the first one must be dismantled and put away before starting another.

Ages 10 and up: Older children may have more elaborate activities: quilting or sewing, building models, scrapbooking, etc. Give them a large storage bin to keep materials, and works-in-progress, so they don’t have to stay out on the dining room table until a weeks-long school or hobby project is completed.

3. A place for everything and everything in its place.

As you and your children create storage areas for your toys and activities, be sure you stick to your plan. You may want to agree that the doll house toys should always be stored in your daughter’s room, with the doll house, unless you and she agree otherwise. Markers, crayons, glue and scissors are always be stored where the children do their art projects. Whatever you decide, stick with it. Consolidate these items from the playroom, children’s desks, and kitchen drawers and keep them in the location you allow the children to color. All materials should be put away exactly where they’re kept so ready to use on the next occasion.

Ages 3-5: Teach these little ones to put their toys, books and shoes, for example, in the same spot every day. If you invoke this rule now, you will have more success applying it when children are old enough and have more things for which to be responsible. Show them a spot in the closet or mud-room where shoes are always kept. Make sure books are always returned back to the proper shelf.

Ages 6-8: These children can put away their clean laundry in the proper drawers and closet spaces, put away their back-pack and coat after school, put dirty laundry in a hamper each day, and hang up their bath towels after a shower. If you see something out of order, it will be easy for a child to fix because he knows where everything goes.

Ages 10 and up: Sometimes a lack of responsibility manifests during these preteen, ‘tween and teen years. If a child has a place to put her house keys, iPod or graphing calculator each day, there is less chance that these items will get lost.

4. Organizational accessories

Containers and storage accessories are critical to managing clutter. From adorable woven baskets to stacking, plastic lidded containers, these items will help children keep their toys and personal items together. If you will need a lot of storage containers then I would opt for rectangular, lidded one that can stack one on top of another. A decorative bulletin board is in the bedroom is a great place for children to keep special photos, ticket stubs from professional sports games, cute pins, a favorite sketch and more.

Ages 3-5: Get some containers this age children can open and close themselves, and some that only parents are nimble enough to open. You’ll want different size containers: small for markers and scissors and larger ones to fit large sets: toy dishes, blocks, train set, etc. You may want to tape a photograph of each toy on the side of its container so your kids will remember where the toy goes when they’re finished.

Ages 6-8: At this age range children are often learning to organize their time and keep track of activities and responsibilities. A wall chart or large desk-top calendar is a great way to help children remember when they need to complete chores (garbage is taken out on Tuesday nights) and assignments (book report due on the Monday the 12^th), and upcoming events (Dina’s birthday party on Sunday at 11:30). You can also use the calendar to teach your children to plan their time. For example, if your son’s book report is due on Monday the 12^th, then teach him to mark on his calendar to finish reading the book by Wednesday the 7^th, allowing ample time to write, illustrate, and edit his report. He’ll learn important skills to prevent him from becoming a “crammer” and last-minute worker as he gets older.

Ages 10 plus: Children in this age group often have a many different activities and responsibilities to keep track of: multiple school assignments, study groups, baby-sitting, sports practice, lawn-mowing jobs and more. Explore together with your child to find the electronic organizer or paper-based calendar system (Day-timer, for example) that will help her be most successful at keeping track of assignments and activities. They are also old enough to maintain their own phone and address books.

5. Motivational charts and rewards.

It’s important to give positive reinforcement to keep your new household organizational system going! Children thrive on their parents’ approval, so be sure to show them how proud you are of their efforts to keep organized and follow the new organizational rules you’ve set up. Hopefully after just a month or two the new system will be integrated into your home routine and you won’t have to continue with the motivational charts anymore.

Ages 3-5: Just give a big smile with a hug and kiss or even a little cookie as a reward. If your daughter needs even more motivation, make a sticker chart for her. Each time she puts something back where it belongs (even if you remind her once or twice) give her a sticker on a chart. When she finishes each line on the chart, give her a small reward, like a sheet of stickers, a super bouncy ball or a magnet. When she finishes the whole chart, give her a bigger reward, like a new pack of markers or a pretty new hair band.

Ages 6-8: This is really the ideal age for sticker charts. You might need bigger prizes for rewards. Give your son a deck of playing cards or a matchbox car for each line he finishes, and a special trip just with Mom or Dad, out for ice cream or a pizza lunch when he finishes the whole chart.

Ages 10 plus: As kids get bigger, so do their reward expectations. A sticker chart might be too babyish for children in this age range, but you can still reward them for sticking with your new organizational program. Add an extra two or three dollars to their weekly allowance for keeping their room and possessions organized. Commend your daughter for a job well done and buy her a special CD or pair of earrings for consistently maintaining her possessions in the organizational system you created.

As you begin implementing organizational improvements with your children, remember to that it’s important to start small. You can’t make all the above changes at once. Pick the area where your daughter is struggling most and start there. Is she late turning in schoolwork? So start by helping her organize her time. Once she’s mastered some time management techniques, you can work on organizing her desk and personal possessions.

Also, be sure to set the example. You have to practice what you preach. If your kitchen counters and bookshelves are cluttered and disorganized, then your children probably won’t be convinced of the importance of being organized. Take the opportunity to make a family project out of becoming more organized. Make a yard sale out of all old toys, furniture, electronic and other the clutter you’re ridding yourselves of. (When I first heard my own four-year-old daughter say to me, “Mommy did you sell that toy?” I felt a little guilty at first. Now I know that I’m actually teaching her great skills and showing her that we need not be too attached to all things only to those that are most important.) Go out for a fun family outing with the proceeds you make.

Happy Organizing!

By: Rivka Slatkin

Rivka Slatkin is the founder of the DECORganize method, combining organizing and decorating for those want to get organized and stay that way! For more information on how the DECORganize method can assist you, go to www.jewishlifeorganized.com

Touch Hunger

Perhaps the most effective way to determine the value of an idea is to determine the negative effects that occur when that concept is missing.

Let’s examine the power of human touch regarding children and the accompanying effects that can result from insufficient physical contact.

Recent research in neuroscience has shown that loving touch is not an optional aspect of childrearing; it is essential for child development, and a lack of touch damages not only individuals, but our whole society. Loving touch releases the hormones oxytocin and dopamine, while infants who have not been touched have an increase in their levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

Electrical stimulation in laboratories demonstrates that pleasurable behavior and violent behavior are mutually exclusive. Like a light switch that can be either “on” or “off”- the human body can only handle one sensation- be it pleasure or violence- in a single moment. The results of the study testify that the more pleasurable feelings a human being experiences, the less likely violent urges are to surface.

Newborn animals that were placed in isolation invariably developed aggressive and self-destructive behaviors. Perhaps an increase in affectionate physical contact would move society towards world peace more effectively than political negotiations?!

For various reasons, Western society has become a “touch-hungry” culture where fear of lawsuits and social norms restrict tender touch outside of intimate relationships. There is an endless supply of “cradles” for our babies- bouncy seats, swings, and exersaucers- which all serve the purpose of freeing Mom or Dad’s hands to be busy with something other than holding and cuddling Baby.

Touch is a universal language that transcends verbal ability in communication. A squeeze of a hand, the pat on the back, or a gentle embrace, convey a primal message of comfort and tenderness.

A reassuring hug is the natural reaction towards the child who is upset or frustrated. Yet, what about those busy days where things go smoothly? Does the child lose out, in a certain respect, when she behaves well all day and does not receive that comforting embrace?

It is essential to incorporate non-responsive touch into our children’s day in order to provide the emotional and neurological benefits of touch. Try stroking your son’s hair while you do schoolwork together or rubbing your daughter’s back as he settles down to bed. These actions come more naturally when children are toddler or preschool age, as they grow older more of an effort needs to be made to remember to continue physical closeness.

Reading a story or watching a movie together is a beneficial time to put your arm around your child- even if she is a teenager! As children age, many will resist touch as they struggle to become independent. Don’t feel offended or insulted if your child is in that stage- rest assured that it is totally normal! Without any fanfare or comments, continue to brush his shoulder as you fix his color, or pat her back as you smooth her hair. Nobody is too old for demonstrative love, even if many a thirteen-year-old thinks so!

Infant massage is a wonderful manner of incorporating loving touch in a baby’s early years of development. There are many books and DVD‘s available that demonstrate effective techniques.

If you live with a partner, take the time and energy to make sure that you fulfill one another’s need for touch on a regular basis, or schedule a massage with a professional.

Our modern lifestyle includes phone conversations, text messages, and emails, which all serve to make us more “in touch” with each other- while the physical distance between us limits actually being “in touch”.

My son appreciates a back rub as he recounts the sports he played during recess at bedtime, even though he often resists hugs during the day. Discover the timing and methods of loving touch that work for your family and share your tips below!

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