The Purest Love

By: Kira Shcherbakova
Christian Inspirational Author and Speaker

One day, when Mitchell was under two years of age (now three years old), he took a chair from the kitchen and started dragging it into the room. We have carpet outside of the kitchen, so once he got to that point, it got much harder to push. However he persisted.

My husband, Gene, told him to stop and put the chair back in its place, but Mitchell didn’t listen.
Gene told him again. He started to get irritated and raise his voice. Mitchell did not yield, but continued to push the chair into the room.

By the time Mitchell reached the computer table where Gene was sitting, my husband was sternly looking at him and saying, “Why did you drag the chair here? Go put it back!”

Mitchell quietly pushed the chair toward Gene, looked at him with his sweet and innocent eyes and said, “Here you go dad. Sit down.”

He dragged the chair halfway across the apartment, through thick carpet, endured Gene’s reprimands and lovingly, with concern for his dad’s comfort, put it next to him so Gene could sit down.

We so often blame our family for not doing enough for us, reproach them for behaving unsuitably, criticize them for not doing things our way. But so rarely do we just love the people closest to us, with a pure and unconditional love.

Sure, maybe our parents criticize us; maybe they try to control us. Maybe our spouses ignore us or don’t want to understand how we feel. Maybe our siblings hold grudges against us from some childhood situations. But does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?

Let us learn from our children. Let’s persevere through the criticism, persist through the misunderstanding and, with love and concern, serve the people closest to us.

Let us love our family the way our children love us, with the purest love.

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Oh, Fireflies!

I was sitting on the patio with my children surrounding me. They were spotting fireflies in the early summer evening. The feeling was content, and he light breeze in the air was like a sigh at the end of an energy-filled day.

The children’s excitement was palpable, for every time a firefly lit up, they were squealed with delight.

I marveled at how such a little incident could trigger such joy.

It was only much later in the evening, after the exhausting, yet satisfying, routine of dinner, bath time, and bedtime that I thought about the events of the day.

My thoughts kept returning to the pure joy of the children’s fascination with fireflies. They ran around the yard trying to catch one in order to inspect it up close. They reassured me that they weren’t going to hurt it, they just wanted to see its details.

Their curiosity enveloped them and me as they asked a myriad of questions. Before I could answer, the next question was already being articulated. Where do they live? What do they eat? Where does that light come from?  Do they change colors? Can we keep one? Why? What do you mean they only live a short while?

At this I almost felt sorry for answering- their disappointment was sincere and heartwarming.

As I thought about these occurrences, it dawned on me how these seemingly small events have a deeper message to share. Just as these moments with the fireflies flutter by, so too my children’s lives are mine to shape for a short while. I must remember to do so delicately, to pay attention to detail, so that its importance is truly felt. Every time they shine and light up, just like the fireflies, it is a cause for a small celebration. My children want, no, they NEED, me to celebrate their glowing moments. “Look, Mommy! See what I made?”  “Very nice”—that is NOT enough. I am retraining myself to look at the details, to embrace them, and celebrate them.

These are my little fireflies, and I will only be privileged to watch them shine if I take the time to look.

 

Stop and Smell the Roses!

by:  Dyan Eybergen

Walking through the park one evening with my eleven-year-old son and our dog Piper, I had my chin buried into the warmth of the neck of my jacket cursing the unlike-spring weather, wishing I had worn a hat when my son called out to me from several paces behind.  “Mom, come take a look at this! It’s totally cool.”  Reluctant to walk back into the wind I replied in haste:  “What? Can’t I just see it on the way back? What is it? It’s freezing out here; I just want to walk Piper fast and get back home.”  I shouldn’t have expected this instance to be any different for my son in terms of passively accepting a “no” from me. He persisted by saying “Mom, this is really cool. You’ll want to see it.”

Too soon to be wearing running shoes on the park paths of St. Albert I slid my way over to where he was standing and in spite of Mother Nature’s recent drop in temperature I couldn’t help but be inspired by her beauty. A drain pipe from the botanic garden clubhouse evidently had some runoff from a recent rain where the water from it froze in midstream and adhered to the side of a chain link fence. This matrix of frozen particles extended out from the spout of the drain, hung in mid air a short distance then sprawled down along side the length of the fence then found companionship with the frozen ground. The outdoor censor light from the clubhouse that was adjacent to the drain pipe shone upon the icy sculpture giving it an iridescent sheen as if it were a featured piece in an art gallery. My son was right: totally cool!

It was one of those clichéd “living in the moment” kinds of moments. Where you stand focused on taking in the joy that something so rare brings to you. I no longer felt the wind or was aware of how cold I was. I can’t even remember how long we stood there looking and chatting about how awesome this was and that we should have brought the camera.

The rest of the walk was much more tolerable for having accepted nature’s gift. Even amidst the bleakest day, there’s something to be grateful for.

Five reminders to “stop and smell the roses” along the way:

1. Take a walk or a run and “see” your surroundings; notice the beauty in nature
2. Say a random “thank you” to someone everyday – your spouse for making dinner, your colleague for helping you out, your kid for just being your kid, your mom on your birthday – you get the idea
3. Keep a “gratitude journal” and make a list every night of 5 things you were grateful for that day. Staying grateful makes what we lack seem not so bad
4. Listen! When people talk clear your mind of your own thoughts and really listen
5. Let a child guide you. Children rarely let a moment of falling leaves, floating bubbles or dandelion fluffs go by without notice!

Dyan Eybergen is the author of Out of the Mouths of Babes: Parenting from a Child’s Perspective. Dyan is a paediatric psychiatric nurse, has more than ten years experience working as a therapist and parent educator. Dyan and her family were guests on the cable television show “For Kids Sake”, along with parenting expert Barbara Coloroso. Eybergen resides in St. Albert, Alberta, with her husband and three sons.

P.S. Wondering how to find extra hours in the day to find time to smell the roses?  Gain extra time by reading or listening to Creating Hours:  Tips and Advice for Creating Extra Time for Parents!

 

 

 

Am I a Good Enough Mother?

Off-Track Parenting Is The Way To Go!

Reframing

The Art of Reframing

It’s not just for artists and professional framers.

Reframing is a psychological tool that can simply transform your life. I know, it sounds pretty cliché, however- it’s the truth.

The other day I was parked in our 5-speed Nissan Sentra facing the playing field outside of my children’s school when I had a premonition of a tragedy about to occur. As I scanned the grass for signs of my boys, my car seemed to move forward with a mind of its own- straight into the students’ busy game of dodge ball! Adrenalin raced through my blood as I futilely slammed on the foot brake while simultaneously jerking the emergency brake upwards- all to no avail, as my car veered dangerously closer to the children.

I know that stick-shift cars (if you’ve ever driven one, you can certainly relate) tend to roll, so I pulled the emergency brake up even higher, and then I realized that my car wasn’t going anywhere at all; rather the minivan on my left was backing out of its parking spot, and the optical illusion made me feel that my car had been moving forward.

Thankfully, that terrifying scare was simply an illusion- an incident that appeared all-too-real, yet with the benefit of hindsight and clarity of vision, was obviously nothing to be afraid of.

That got me thinking- how many times does it happen that we are afraid of something that seems imminently real and totally frightening, depressing, or frustrating- which later turns out to have been not much more significant than my optical illusion in the parking lot?

There’s a famous line that coaches and mentors often use; “Will it matter in five or ten years?”

A tremendous amount of wisdom is implied by that question.

How many of the things that we have done 5 or ten years ago would we have eliminated if we had truly thought about the consequences of our actions? Personally, I’m feeling far too embarrassed to answer such a question publicly!

There’s a statistic I once read which stated that your child will confide in you at the age of seventeen 10% of what he’d shared with you at age seven.

With that in mind, wouldn’t it be prudent to look ahead and create more bonding moments with our children?

Five years from now will it matter that the kitchen floor remained a bit sticky for an additional day because we chose to look through old photo albums with our kids one evening?

Ten years from now will we look back with regret that we lost out on a good night’s sleep because we took a family trip?

When we look at the big picture, the little things simply fade away as though they were meaningless optical illusions.

Let’s plan ahead, as we make parenting choices this holiday season, with vision and clarity!

P.S.  Feel free to share any questions or concerns about parenting  below- so we can address them in the coming weeks:)

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The Power of NOW!

The pre-holiday-season often means frantic rushing.  Frenzied running.  High anxiety levels.  Hectic days and wired nights.

It need not be this way- just read the next few sentences for a 180 degree mindset shift!

The gift of the present tense is that “now” is never as bad as the future we anxiously awaited.  The apprehension we feel about what is around the bend is always far worse than the time when the moment of truth arrives.

This is the gift of being in the NOW.  The trick is living in that split-second where the sand in the top of the hourglass shifts through the mid-point of the PRESENT into the bottom of the glass, which holds the past.

NOW is always bearable, and most often extremely pleasant.  It is the suspense of wondering what the future may bring that ruins the beauty and serenity of the present moment.

That’s not to advise throwing caution to the wind and abandoning advance planning!  Far from it!  Rather, living in the present moment means being aware of the life force that exists within our breath at this very second- as opposed to distress regarding the upcoming breaths that have yet to occur.

For more information about living in the NOW and letting go of nervousness about the future, read “The Power of Now” by Eckart Tolle- it just may change your life.   Right now!

What do you think?  Comment below:

How tonight’s dinner can change your life:

Here is a question:  Do You Eat With Your Children?

Many people would say yes, and they are telling the truth: A pop-tart on the way to school, a Lunchable between piano and ball practice, a bowl of popcorn in front of a sitcom. However, if the question were just slightly different:  “Do you eat meals with your family?” Then the resulting answers would be quite a bit different. That’s because so many people may eat with someone, but not many people will eat with their family–at least not on a regular basis. Our lives have become too busy, too hectic; and the availability of fast food, and microwaveable food makes it that much harder to enjoy that good, old fashioned, home-cooked meal with our loved ones. We end up reserving the pleasure for a few, special times of the year.

There is no doubt that eating together is a part of our humanity. For some reason, food has always been the focal point of gatherings. It is amazing how Aunt Gertrude’s famous pumpkin pie can make you happy–even when you only think about it! Food is the weave that keeps the fabric of our lives connected and strong. We can’t imagine a baseball tournament without the pizza party, a Fourth of July without the barbeque, or a friendly card game without the snacks. The feelings and emotions these memories and traditions foster can be the same ones we indulge our children with every day of the week. Every day can be the warm and welcoming family affair that we often only enjoy a few remote times per year.

There have been a multitude of studies on this subject. What researchers are finding out is that families that eat a meal together, at least a few times a week, are healthier emotionally. Emotionally! Many people may not expect that. But it’s true: families that eat together, have children that do better in school, are less depressed, and engage in less destructive behaviors. Also, the children themselves feel more secure–they look forward to the structure of knowing everyone will be together at least once a day. During a family meal together, relationship and open communication is fostered and grown. Healthy values, manners, and memories are created. Kinship is established.

Yet, the attack on family time, and especially family meals, is undeniable. How can we as parents combat this? It takes priority. Priority to make something sacred and unmovable. In our ever-shifting lives and careers, it is worthwhile to make something permanent. And what better than our family time? Dinner together doesn’t have to be long and dramatic–even though the results are. A simple meal from the crock-pot and a quick side salad. Some interesting news from the day. A half hour. This is a recipe for the quality dinner time that our children, and we as parents, need to keep connected. You can even let your children help you plan the meals, to allow them to see that family meals are important as well. Try to establish this priority in your own home life. Even if you start with just once a week–it is worth your time.

So grab a few of your favorite recipes, and plan to sit down this week and enjoy them–as a family! For starters try out Club Burrito for a do-it-yourself lunch or dinner; or make our Cranberry Chicken in your slow cooker for a dinner that is ready for you when you get home. Surprise your kids with Cannoli for Kids, they will love scooping it into the cones themselves, older kids can help with the entire recipe.

Kathy McHenry, founder and CEO of www.MyOnlineMeals.com and owner of www.AfterSchoolSnacks.com, has helped thousands put a real dinner on the table.  Go to www.MyOnlineMeals.com to receive a free weekly recipes and shopping list; and to be added to her monthly newsletter. You can reach Kathy by email at Kathy@myonlinemeals.com.

Educational Wisdom Movie

Educators play an integral role in the development of children. They motivate, educate, inspire and pass on their wisdom and knowledge. While you may think of educators as only being traditional teachers, that’s far from the truth. Everyone is a teacher; parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, coaches, scout leaders, counselors, clergy, law enforcement and more. Everyone has something to teach.

For all the teachers in the world, we bring you “Educational Wisdom: Timeless Lessons for Educators” a beautiful movie of motivational messages to inspire and touch the hearts of educators.

Click control arrow at bottom to play:

Click here to purchase “Educational Wisdom” today and share the inspiring, thought-provoking wisdom in a variety of environments.

RaisingSmallSouls.com’s subscribers have shared suggested uses for “Educational Wisdom” below:

*** Back-to-School Events

*** PTA meeting

*** While waiting for a conference to begin

*** Boosting the morale of home schooling teachers

*** Professional Development Sessions

*** Teacher Appreciation Workshop

*** Orientation or Meet-the-Teacher night

*** Use as inspirational closure to any faculty meeting

*** Reminder to reach beyond the curriculum

*** Discussions regarding inclusive school environment

*** Inspiration for student-teachers

Click here to purchase “Educational Wisdom” today and share the inspiring, thought-provoking wisdom in a variety of environments.

Share your ideas and feedback below!

Progress, Not Perfection

Recently I noticed a bumper sticker in a parking lot which read, “Progress, not Perfection.”

Hundreds of examples of how to apply that motto to childrearing rushed through my head as I made my way past that shiny sedan.

Although most of those ideas flew right out of my brain by the time I got to the keyboard, I’m happy to be able to share what I can recall;)

Have you ever heard that if Christopher Columbus had invested one cent into a fund that yielded compound interest in 1492, that account would now be worth over $95 billion?

The moral is that ‘baby steps’ work.

Just because you can’t change the world (or yourself, or your spouse, or your child) does not mean that you ought not make the incremental changes that can accomplish a tremendous amount.

Let’s take a simple example of a positive family change:

“I will stop raising my voice in my communication with my children.”

What a wonderful, commendable resolution that is.

Realistically, it may last for two days, two weeks, or perhaps two months if we are particularly soft-tempered!

The general pattern of events is that certain levels of frustration result in shouting, which, in turn, will result in giving up on the above-mentioned resolution.

A roughly translated quote from an ancient sage reads, “He who grabs all is left with none.”

How aptly that describes our typical involvement in effecting positive changes.

As humans, we tend to reach for the stars. Thus, our failure to achieve those fantastic expectations results in discouragement.

Let’s try a new strategy, a strategy of progress.

How differently would the atmosphere my household radiate if I cut down on the number of times I raise my voice- without altogether pledging to eliminate any and all shouting?

Like Columbus’s proverbial penny, little changes add up to great transformations.

A small, positive shift in our behavior is likely to create a pleasant ripple of change through our family life.
Find two or three minutes of solitude, and ask yourself this: What can I do to make my child’s life a better one?

Additional quality time, more patience during mealtime, taking up a joint hobby, reading a book together- are just a few of the ideas that suddenly come to mind.

Figure out the concept that will work best for you and your child, and commit yourself to create progress- not perfection!

Happy parenting- the job where perfection is always elusive!

Independence

Celebrating Independence Day this weekend on July 4th, I gazed at the brilliant display of fireworks and pondered what freedom means to us today.

Freedom is all about having the ability to make choices.

Yet, I wondered, how much freedom is truly mine, and how much have I relinquished in order to fit into a specific “role”?

So often, we find ourselves stuck in a rut of repetitive habits, without understanding that we really do have the ability to break through of our invisible chains.

How many of us were labeled as children, and then grew into the roles that were assigned to us?

Don’t we all know someone who was labeled as non-academic in his youth, who went on to graduate college with honors later in life?

Aren’t we all familiar with someone who invested so much in her musical talents that she never explored the other aspects of her multi-facetted personality?

It’s so easy, and it’s so tempting to cast our children into roles.

“He’s the messy one with a great sense of humor.”

“She’s the sensitive one who is always organized.”

“He has terrific athletic abilities, but less-than-stellar social skills.”

I recall that in comparison to my brother, I had very specific labels in my youth. (Way too embarrassing to go into more detail!)

Sometimes freedoms are not taken away with a ball and chain, but with a simple label.

Casting a child into a specific role can create a long-term self-fulfilling prophesy.

Throughout their childhood and teenage years, children do not yet have a firm grasp on reality. Rather, their reality is defined by what their parents present as being the truth.

How often do we hear about the youth who was called a “liar” and then realized that he ought to continue speaking falsely in order to live up to his newfound “role”.

People, like glimmering diamonds, have a multitude of facets.

At this present day, or even within this specific decade, one particular facet may be shining more brightly than the others; yet that does not diminish the existence and potential of many other angles that make up one’s personality.

Let’s try to hold our tongues and avoid stereotyping our children within a specific role. Hard as it may be, let’s allow our children to explore ideas and activities that we may not have thought to be a perfect match. Obviously, we are not referring to actions that are inappropriate, rather to dealings that we would not have thought suited to that particular child.

The child who is disorganized can be given a chance to be in charge of a party. (With the necessary amount of supervision!)

The athletic son ought not be held back from trying his hand in the arts one season.

And the family “brain” may decide to opt out of this year’s honors program in order to pursue other interests.

When we avoid casting children into particular roles, we develop more well-rounded and emotionally healthy children.

Let’s continue to love, encourage, and continue to bring out the endless sparkle in our children.

Like a diamond sparkling in the sunlight, the layers of their personality will develop into a unique blend of talents, personality, and ingredients nowhere else to be found.

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