Who Are You?

RaisingSmallSouls is pleased to introduce Nathan Geisler, Master Life Coach, to provide valuable insights into child rearing. Nathan Geisler M.A., an experienced family therapist, has been an educator for life values for the last 25 years. He teaches and lectures at institutes of higher learning, colleges and universities. He has thousands of students across the globe.

Who Are You?

We are on the cusp of those “lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer”. For most of us, the school year has ended. We are looking ahead at weeks of summer vacation time. This might be an appropriate time to ponder some very important larger issues we and our children (students) are facing.

Before we even begin to address these issues, however, please allow me to pose four general questions which we might be well advised to ask ourselves and then pose to our children (or students).Here are my four fundamental questions:

(1) Who are you?

(2) What do you do?

(3) How well do you do it?

(4) What do you want (or need) in order to improve so that you contribute to making your life better?

Parents (or teachers) who are able to concisely and coherently answer these four questions are then in a position to help their children (or students) to work towards being able to successfully address these questions.

Almost all of our activities could be seen as efforts made to pursue the best answers to these four questions.

The question I want to bring to your attention in this article is: Of these four vital quests, what proportion of the answers do you (as a parent or teacher) assign as a parental responsibility, and what proportion do you allocate as a school responsibility?

Traditionally, the classroom teachers saw their roles “in loco parentis” – in place of a parent.

Let us examine these four quests one by one. This article will deal with an overview of the first quest.

“Who are you?” is a ubiquitous question that has infinite layers of depth. In many ways, the developmental processes of education help to continually broaden the answer to “who are you?”. This begins with the ability of children to state their names clearly when asked, “who are you?’ and advancing to the skill of writing their names and addresses. Gender identity is also expressed at this stage of school entry. The mix of other children in the classroom alerts children to the reality that the others in the class have different parents and different families.

Schooling generally goes a long way in helping to foster identification with one’s country, region, state and city and the responsibilities and privileges of citizenship. The answer to “who are you?” might now include American, Canadian, New Yorker, Texan or citizen of Hometown, USA.

Frequently the answer to “who are you?” includes an aspect of cultural and ethnic identity which might also merge or cross with a religious affiliation. “I am a Hispanic”, “I am a WASP”, “I am a Native-American”, etc. Awareness of the answer to “who are you?” as it stands in contrast to the differing answers of others can be a valuable contribution of the school to the successful socialization of the child.

At a more advanced and introspective level, “who are you?” can be interpreted as an existential quest for meaning and value in our lives. Hopefully, the high-school level of literature, history and thought development can help the student frame the question. For many people, this quest is just not part of their vocabulary. These people live their lives with a spiritually stunted growth. Life is simply richer and more meaningful when this aspect of “who are you?” is clearly addressed.

We have seen that education and schooling can go a long way in addressing the question “who are you?”.

Perhaps the single, most important factor in successfully navigating the journey to self-identity is the child’s “perspective of self”.

If the self is viewed as an expanding continuity, then children see themselves as whole beings ready to develop and grow through life. They are gifted with the ability to change and yet still keep their concept of self (“who am I?”) intact.

This most crucial component of self-development is rooted in the home. Each teacher, no matter how influential, usually is replaced by a new teacher come September. Thus, the family is the pivotal center of self-development.

The key to successfully answering the question “who are you?” at every stage of life’s journey is rooted in a strong, positive family relationship.

How comfortable are you (parent or teacher) with the question “who are you?” ?.

How much of your answer is tied up in the roles you play i.e. what you’re doing and not about your core being?

“I’m Losing It!”

Question:

Dear RaisingSmallSouls,

I’m a single mom raising two girls, ages 10 and 7. Being a supportive and nurturing parent is the most important thing to me, and generally, I feel like I’m a pretty good parent. But sometimes, things escalate, they talk back to me, and it reaches a point where I find myself yelling and saying things I really regret later. It’s as if I totally lost control of myself and can’t stop?

Signed, Losing It in New Jersey!

RaisingSmallSouls is proud to present today’s answer by Margo Sasson as a Mother’s Day gift for you and your family!

Margo Sasson is a family therapist specializing in work with children and their families, as well as an instructor of undergraduate psychology. She is married and a mother of three children.

Do you have a parenting question? Submit it here: http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/contact/

Answer:

Dear Losing It,

There are many ways to answer the question you have posed. Although it may be helpful to analyze what is contributing to your daughter’s frustration, and hence, the escalation between the two of you, I’d like to shelve that issue for now. Rather, I’d like to use this as an opportunity to take a closer look at what is happening inside of you, the parent, that may be contributing to the escalation. By stepping into your internal world, discovering the “wiring” behind the scenes of your own behavior, you can achieve greater self-understanding and enhance your parenting beyond words.

Parenthood is one of the most intense of all human relationships. It is a journey where we can come to discover and develop some of our most positive qualities: our patience, our nurturing, and our ability to identify our children’s strengths and help them see them too. But along the way, we come to meet other, less pleasant, aspects of ourselves. We are faced with the undeniable reality, day after day, that we are appallingly shorter of perfection than we may have thought.

When you describe “losing control” and being “unable to stop”, it is a clue for us that a shift in your general manner has taken place. Your usual rational, calm, “what is the most helpful thing to do here” approach has been abruptly switched off and been usurped by its not-as-likeable, emotion-dominated counterpart. When this happens, your rational self, that part of you that has the ability to delay gratification and coherently plan the next logical step, is basically immobilized. The system that takes over is a system manned by raw, unprocessed emotion (e.g. rage, fury, fear) that is very difficult to contain due to the collapse of logic.

The last decades have seen an explosion in the amount and quality of research generated on the role of the brain in emotional regulation.. What you describe of yourself is something most parents will identify with. Many parents describe occasions where they “see red”, “lose control”, or are “consumed by fury”. They describe being so taken over by this emotional storm that they feel unable to stop themselves. Taken to its extreme, abusive parents describe this state, during which they unleash unbridled fury upon their children and feel unable to stop it. When this state has passed, they may be overcome by deep feelings of remorse and self-hatred. But even for healthy, well-regulated parents, the nature of this type of emotional state is not unfamiliar. And when a parent realizes that he has just spewed venomous criticism and character-slashing toward the child he dearly loves, he will feel deep shame and resolve never to do it again.

What causes the switch into these states, and what can we do to restore our self-control?

Neurologists have identified two primary modes of processing information: the higher mode, or “high road”, and the lower mode, or “low road”. High road processing involves the rational, “higher” form of processing information. It is the ability to objectively analyze information, while allowing us a flexibility and self-awareness throughout the process. Conversely, the low road of information processing represents a shift in gears, whereby the high road is shut down. The individual operates under raw and intense emotion, lack of awareness as to the impact of his actions on others, rigidity, and impulsivity. In purely structural forms, the high road involves the prefrontal cortex in its processing, which is the brain region responsible for rational thoughts, whereas the low road short-circuits that section of the brain and proceeds to process the information utilizing the limbic system only (home to emotional processing) and leaves out the prefrontal cortex.

Of course, the obvious question remains: What triggers the entry into the low road state? Why do we “lose it”, i.e. switch from prefrontal cortex involvement to disengagement?

Neuroscientists have examined the characteristics of the switch to low road processing, and have delineated the process. They have found that there is always a trigger, either internal or external, which serves to activate the shift from high road to low road. At this point, a transitionary process is begun whereby the brain makes its descent into low road processing. Once this happens, you are in a state of “immersion”, where the ability to self reflect and self control is partially or totally suspended. (For further understanding of the brain science involved and for a fascinating read, see “Parenting from the Inside Out” by Daniel J. Siegal, MD and Mary Hartzell, M. Ed, Penguin-Putnam, 2008)

The ramifications of this knowledge are enormous. If entry into the low road is precipitated by a trigger, perhaps we can identify our triggers and perhaps find an alternative way to respond to them?

In order to answer this, it is helpful to begin with an understanding of what typically constitutes a trigger into low road functioning.

Every parent was once a child herself. We all know that the complexities of how our parents raised us contribute, among myriad other factors, how we view ourselves. Even adults who were raised in a generally positive environment will recall themes or issues that may remain raw or unprocessed for them. These are the unresolved issues, the issues that remain potent with emotionality for us, that trigger our connection with our pain, vulnerabilities, and insecurities. Some common themes that people experience as unresolved are dependence, loss, aggression, intimacy, and more.

When one of these issues is activated through interpersonal connections, we access, momentarily, those feelings of vulnerability and insecurity. Although these feelings can be activated by any interpersonal interaction, children, by virtue of their still-evolving social finesse, activate these feelings in their most primal, basic forms.

Children are still learning to negotiate the bigger issues of attachment and interpersonal skills- the basic building blocks of relationships. This, coupled with the fact that we are so connected to them and assume responsibility for them, contributes to our extreme emotional reactivity toward our children. They consistently serve to trigger some of our most potent unresolved issues in the most basic way.

Although this is a reality, we do not have to resign ourselves to continually reenacting these scenarios we later regret so deeply. We can actively make use of this knowledge to help ourselves.

It is now clear that the entry into the low road is activated by our child’s triggering this state. Something about his behavior, his way of engaging with us, touches upon our most vulnerable spots. Perhaps his needs of us (nurturance, dependence, support) are too much for us to handle? Perhaps he exhibits behavior (aggression, dependence) that brings up themes fraught with emotionality for us? Perhaps we become enraged or ashamed in the face of our own imperfections, impatience, or intolerance that we exhibit following our child’s demands? The result is a flooding of our consciousness with raw emotionality such as rage or fear. This feeling is so strong, such a tidal wave of emotion that we feel quickly stripped of our self control. And the result is subsequent low road behavior.

It seems clear that once on low road mode, it is exceedingly difficult to shift back to high road state. Usually, it is best to take a “time-out” and physically leave if needed, until you’ve sufficiently restored your ability to self-reflect, and wrest back your self-control. But once the mechanism of low road is clear, you can take some quiet time to reflect on the triggers that set you off. Some questions that might be enlightening:

When does my transition into low road tend to occur? (Place, time, specific child)

What are the behavioral triggers that tend to coax me into low road mode? Where do these triggers fit into the larger context of my childhood, upbringing, and self-concept?

Self-reflection is crucial in making sense of your transition into the low road. Although it may not enable you to completely avoid descending into the low road modality, it will enhance your understanding, and allow you t identify alternative coping patterns. (Go for a walk, take a drink, etc.) Ultimately, you may even find yourself able to talk your way around the low road: “I’m feeling myself getting heated up again. Uh-oh. Low road again. Why? Oh, Brian is whining again. He’s pushing the ‘nothing is ever good enough’ button. It’s my old ‘I have to please everyone’ issue. There goes my perfectionism. Ok, this is clearly my issue, not his. He is 8. I am 34. Yeah, but I’m still getting really mad. If I open my mouth, I’ll destroy him! Ok, I’d better get into the kitchen! Wash my face! Just don’t open my mouth! I’ll get through this: High road, here I come!”

Life Is A Roller Coaster!

Imagine that you have waited on line at Disney World for the placid boat ride through streams of beautiful flowers and dolls singing “It’s a small world after all”. After strapping yourself into your seat, your car moves forward with an unexpected lurch. You enjoy the gentle breeze, which slowly grows to become a near hurricane-force gust of wind, leaving your hair tangled in the wind. As you look around, you suddenly realize that you accidently got on the “Scream Machine” roller coaster, and now you are strapped along for the remainder of the ride. A sudden downward spiral sends your stomach into a self-contained tornado, and another spin leaves you breathless, frightened, and hanging on for dear life.

Fear of heights not withstanding, the experience of anticipating a peaceful journey and being suddenly thrust into a tumultuous voyage can leave any of us gasping for air.

Let’s think for a moment: Isn’t that exactly how life works?

We plan activities and create expectations regarding how things will turn out.

And then things don’t always go as planned. Sometimes things veer wildly off the course we have charted for ourselves.

Yet, roller coasters can be loads of fun. Just like life, the rides are far more fun when shared with people you love.

While the thrill of a twisting drop may bring you a rush of exhilaration, there is no doubt that a similar sensation during a trans-continental flight would bring many of us to a state of panic.

The bottom line is that when you step onto a roller coaster, you are aware of the wild ride ahead. When you board an aircraft, you expect a calm flight.

That is precisely what happens as we plan each day. The assumption that everything will go smoothly creates a very specific expectation. When we encounter bumps in the road, it’s difficult to view them as “an exciting challenge” or “fun” since we planned for smooth sailing.

Each and every one of us faces a myriad of opportunities to remind ourselves that life is like a roller coaster.

Raising small souls necessitates being flexible, knowing that life- especially a life blessed with children- simply cannot always be a serene journey that runs precisely on schedule.

Sometimes the jolts and bounces in the road we call life actually teach us valuable lessons, educate us on crucial ideas, and enable us to experience fascinating adventures.

Please share YOUR ideas for making the most of all the twists and turns as we ride through these childrearing years together.

Different Like Me

Different Like Me

By Kathleen Freeman

My name is Thomas and I’m different you see,
But a whole lot of others are different like me.
There are kids different colors and kids different sizes,
Kids who win contests and kids who win prizes.
Kids good at math, science, spelling or reading,
Kids good with drawing, at games, or at beading.
There are kids who catch baseballs, and kids not so fast,
Kids scared of nighttime, or dreams from their past.
There are kids who feel squashed when their pants are too tight,
And kids who feel itchy when a tag isn’t right.
There are kids who will wiggle, both sons and daughters,
There are kids who are thinkers, designers and plotters.
There are kids who spin round, or jiggle their hands,
And kids who have crowded teeth in bands.
There are kids who dance, and kids who sing,
Kids who learn about most everything.
Some are in wheelchairs and some kids get sick,
That’s just how we are, and we don’t get to pick.
And some kids remember and some kids forget,
Some kids are glued to their TV set.
Some kids read maps, and some don’t, I bet.
That’s how we were made, and you get what you get.
Some kids pretend, and some like things real,
But really it isn’t that big of a deal.
My name is Thomas and I’m different they say,
My friends are all too, and I like it that way.

There’s No Such Thing as a Small Soul!

The title of this article may strike you as a contradiction to the name of this website, RaisingSmallSouls.com.

Obviously, you’d be absolutely correct to take note of the inconsistency.

And that is what brings us to today’s topic: There are very few absolutes in the realm of childrearing.

Children are capable of great things- does that make their souls any smaller in size than those of adults???

Who is to say that there is no extenuating circumstance where it is appropriate to do something that is generally viewed as deplorable?

Based on specific personalities and relationships, can it be that one particular method of dealing with children is always the best?

For example, corporal punishment is generally viewed as an unsavory method of disciplining children- but who would not give a child a quick slap if it would stop him from running into a street bustling with traffic? (Of course gentler methods are recommended, yet in the heat of a potentially dangerous moment, we may react severely.)

Last week’s post regarding “mood numbers” evoked a number of thought-provoking reactions, and it’s difficult to say any of them are off-target.

The very same parent-child confrontation can have two different “right” ways of being handled- depending on the situation at hand.

The exact same scenario should be dealt with differently in the Smith home up the block versus the Jones household down the street- because of various external factors.

Here’s the main point for today:

Just because you read or hear of a terrific piece of advice, does not mean that it ought to be implemented without thought!

No article, book, website, (not even this one!) or session with a therapist, can adequately cover all of nuances in your personal life.

Keep on reading, listening, and learning, for all that knowledge will help you to make educated decisions. We are not robots, and children are not born with directions. It is a combination of love, knowledge, paternal instinct, and conscious contemplation that allow us to be manifest our true potential as excellent parents for the next generation.

We Are More Than Beautiful!

Values Versus Pop Culture

No matter where you live and how sheltered you keep your family, Western values are infiltrating our households.

How do you prevent American values (i.e. that beauty, wealth, and power are the keys to happiness and success) from taking hold in your children’s mind?

What is an effective manner to convey that religious and family values are superior to pop culture?

How have you personally managed to hold onto what is real as opposed to what is currently glittering?

Share your thoughts here:

One commenter will randomly be selected to win the new Animal School book http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/book-special-offer.html – we want to hear from YOU!

Yell at Your Kids in the Afteroon… but Not in the Mornings!

Yell at your kids in the afternoon, but…

… NOT in the mornings!

This week, we are going to incorporate a new habit into our lives. The purpose of this particular habit is to make our children’s living more pleasant and to give them the emotional tools that they need to develop and maintain healthy and happy relationships.

Let us begin with the premise that the morning sets the tone remainder of the day. We all know that ‘waking up on the wrong side of the bed’ can forecast the beginning of a troublesome day, so the opposite must hold true as well: a pleasant morning will foretell the wonderful afternoon that is ahead!

Before you call Child Protection Services about RaisingSmallsouls’ promotion of yelling at your children in the afternoons, read on!

This year, in 2008, we are making real, lasting changes. Like losing weight, mining for gold, or mastering a musical instrument, all things of value take time. (Granted, that is a difficult concept in this instant-day-and-age!)

Thus, the title ‘Yell at Your Kids in the Afternoon’ is not actually condoning screaming in the afteroons; rather it is a provocative statement meant to draw you towards the concept of creating happier mornings. (Ok, you knew that- however it needed to be stated in order to deter lawsuits!)

For the rest of this month, RaisingSmallSouls parents are going to actively create a joyful morning atmosphere in their homes.

Here a couple of ‘Rise & Shine’ ideas to get you and your children off to a brighter start!

1) Create a hot breakfast meal together: Have your children help you make blueberry pancakes, whole-grain waffles, or a berry-and-milk-smoothie.

2) Tell a story from your childhood: My children’s favorites are the ones about losing my passport in a foreign country and capsizing in a rowboat. (I suppose hearing about Mom being in a vulnerable situation is always a hit!)

3) Using old magazines and photos of your child create a collage together. Themes like sports, favorite things, and places we want to visit are just a few of the many sources of inspiration you can use for this simple yet memorable project.

4) Institute a ‘calm voices’ rule for the mornings. Define when the morning period ends- perhaps when breakfast is over, beds are made, or school starts. Feel free to say, after a tennis ball has shattered your lamp, “I’m feeling upset, so I’m going in to my room alone for a few minutes to calm down so that I don’t shout at you.” What a wonderful message you will be sharing about controlling outbursts!
This week we are ‘doing good’ and ‘straying from bad’ in the mornings: No raised voices, and more joint fun activities.

Share what has worked for you below, and MAKE IT A GREAT DAY

Driving Without Fuel

Here’s a question for you:

Would you attempt a cross-country drive without a single gallon of gas in your car’s tank?

At the risk of stating the obvious, nobody in their right mind would try to take a trip in a vehicle that lacks fuel!

Then, why, OH WHY, do so many of us attempt one of the world’s most difficult endeavors without any fuel???

Perhaps rocket scientists or brain surgeons may argue that their job is harder, but I beg to differ: Parenting children in this day and age has got to be the most challenging (and, hopefully, rewarding!) job in the world.

Just like the minivan without gas, or the Everest-climber missing his equipment, or my son’s remote-controlled car without batteries- we parents cannot accomplish much when we are running on empty.

Have you snapped at your child lately or otherwise demonstrated an undisciplined lack of patience?

(Yup, me too…)

The vast majority of the times that we ‘slipped’ we were tired, hungry, angry, or otherwise disturbed.

That’s a reason, not an excuse!

Now, that doesn’t mean that we have free reign to yell at our kids just because we’re stressed out!

What it does mean is that we MUST take responsibility for our irritability and impatience.

How can a harried, exhausted mom expect to serve dinner with the same serenity as a relaxed, content dad?

Now that we have established that parents must be ‘fueled-up’ in order to raise their small souls, what type of ‘gasoline’ ought to be used?

Well, there’s a choice at the pump: 87, 89, or 93!

Fuel 87) Physical exercise.

Paradoxically as it may seem, exercise actually gives you more energy. Endorphins, the ‘feel-good’ hormones are released for sixteen hours after your work out. Think of exercise as the natural alternative to Prozac- it just makes you happier and calmer!

Be a better parent- an extraordinarily, fabulously more effective parent this year- and add 30-NON-NEGOTIABLE minutes of exercise to your day, every day!

If you absolutely don’t have time, make the time! Turn it into an activity that involves your children. Try a dance or aerobics DVD with your child- my boys love to jump and laugh along with me! All youngsters love stability balls, light dumbbells, and steppers!

Here are 2 of my absolute FAVORITE DVD’s: Tight on Time & Quick Fix!

Fuel 89) Friendship.

As a busy parent, you are quite concerned about your child’s social life, birthday parties, and never-ending play-dates.

However, when was the last time you scheduled a grown-up play-date?

Having frequent contact with good friends will improve your physical and emotional health, and breathe a fresh ray of sunshine into your daily life.

MEET A FRIEND this week, and watch out for that extra bounce in your step!

Fuel 93) A Hobby.

Before you skip this section because you think you do not have any hobbies, you can replace the title with “stuff I like”.

There’s a good chance that you spend an enormous amount of time, money, and energy providing things that your child likes, while you forget about what YOU like!

When was the last time you played your favorite sport, created a beloved craft project, or read a good book? Try to recall the activities that gave you a ‘high’ before you were a parent, and then schedule them back into your life; it will transform you into a new-and-improved parent.

~~~~~

So, there you have it- all the ‘gas’ that a mom or dad needs, just to turn the ignition and begin the journey.

Just as nobody experiences guilt when they gas up their car for a trip, there ought not be any feelings of guilt when you take the time to fulfill your own needs!

Once you are properly fueled, you’ll need more provisions for your cross-country trip: food, a map, a GPS system, oil, and windshield wiper fluid- to name a few. Stay tuned for coming RaisingSmallSouls articles for more ‘equipment’ on your parenting journey!

Don’t Worry!

It was one of those dull, gray Monday mornings earlier this week when I was sitting in my doctor’s office being administered a medication via IV for several hours.  Unfortunately, I had neglected to find a good book to accompany me on this boring morning in a cold, geriatric environment.

Therefore, I had a lot of time to think.

Without anything available to distract me, worries pushed themselves to the forefront of my mind:  Health concerns, financial challenges, and the ultimate anxiety-provoking question- Am I a good enough parent?

I thumbed through the pop-culture magazines in a nearby rack, however the latest Hollywood gossip couldn’t quite capture my attention.  As the bubbles of medication continued to drip through the catheter, I tried to catch a few zzz’s, but the nurse kept checking my vitals every thirty minutes, thus sleep seemed to be a pretty futile pursuit.

So, I grabbed a pen to jot down a couple of thoughts- polished them up a bit, and here they are!

If you expend quite a bit of energy on excessive worry, read on!  If you don’t, pat yourself on the back, and share your tips below!

From the moment we bring our baby home from the hospital, and place our hand over his angelic face to check on his breathing, parental worry begins.

We worry when they learn to ride a bike, start rollerblading around the neighborhood, and take driving lessons.  We have all experienced the heart-stopping anxiety when we nearly lost our child in a busy shopping center.  Every cough and each fever is yet another reason for deep fear and endless worry.

The holidays are a terrific time for additional worry; too much sugar, not enough sleep, too many parties, and video-game addictions!

Here a few tried-and-true tips to eliminate the majority of your worries:

1)  Recognize that some problems are out of your sphere of influence.

If you can do nothing about a specific problem, then it is no longer a problem, it is a ‘situation’.  When you refer to something as a ‘problem’, you are implying that a solution is possible.

The best example is the weather.

Why lie awake worrying about a party that is scheduled for the same evening as the snow storm?  Assuming that you have made all reasonable arrangements, know that further worry about the climate can only aggravate yourself and your loved ones!

2)  Accept that the human condition is such that problems are a part of life.

We have all met people who will be happy as soon as this circumstance has changed or that situation has ended.

Understand that your job is to solve problems to the best of your ability, and to learn to live with the unsolvable ones!  The ‘Serenity Prayer’ comes to mind:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

3)  Let the bygones be bygones.

Look at life like as an hourglass.  The sand at the top is the future, and the sand at the bottom represents the past.  The tiny point in the middle- where the sand is currently passing- is the present.

We can learn from the past, yet we can never change it.  “I should have, I could have” thoughts promote stress about an impossible feat- changing the actions of the past.  The energy that is utilized by reliving old mistakes can drain us of the energy which is necessary to be applied to the present time.

4)  Don’t create “self-fulfilling prophecies” with needless worrying.  It is possible to bring about certain situations by thinking and obsessing about them.

You may start to read nonexistent meaning into certain situations and have your confidence plummet by imagining the worst scenario over and over again.

Replace the negative “what if” thought with a new hobby, plans for an upcoming party, or anything which requires your intense concentration.  You can’t think about two diverse subjects at the same time, so the solution is to find a replacement thought, rather that to attempt to vanquish the “what if” worry on its own.

A final parting thought:  Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow; it only saps today of its strength.

Parents – 12 Holiday Tips For Balance, Harmony, and Joy

Joan Celebi is the Special Needs Parent Coach, helping you conquer the chaos and create a more manageable, balanced life. Get her FREE “Guide to the Ten Essentials of Balance and Harmony,” and her FREE newsletter with tips and strategies for balanced living — all for parents of children with special needs — at www.SpecialNeedsParentCoach.com

You Can’t Teach It If You Don’t Know It!

If you were asked to deliver a lecture about marine biology in thirty minutes, would you be able to give a terrific speech?

Probably not. And neither would I.

How about if the subject was antique marble collecting? Or ancient Chinese weaving techniques?

The point is:

We cannot teach that which we do not know.

It seems so obvious, yet we may often overlook this concept while raising our children.

Do any of the following sound familiar?

“Do your schoolwork before you play!” or, “Clean up your room!” or, “You forgot your homework again?!? You’re lucky your head is attached or you’d forget that!”

Let’s look a bit more closely at this specific characteristic of responsibility, and see if we can instill it in our children more effectively.

Just as we cannot teach your child about a foreign subject that we know nothing about, similarly, it is impossible to teach our children to be responsible without modeling that very trait.

Ask yourself about your habits: Do you accomplish the necessary domestic duties prior to relaxing, or do you find yourself on the couch at a time when you ought to be heating up dinner? Do you regularly pay your bills in a timely manner, or do you procrastinate and get whacked with late fees? Do you wake in the morning with time to spare, in order to facilitate a calm morning, or do you hit ‘snooze’ until the last possible moment and then rush around like crazy?

Many habits can be changed with just 5-7 days of consecutive willpower; and after that initial week the new routine won’t even seem hard anymore!

As a result of our ability to overcome a specific lack of efficiency, we will be in a stronger position to help our children grow in their level of responsibility.

Can you find an area where personal change will undoubtedly aid your child’s development? Post your thoughts below!

Let’s keep remembering: We can only teach that which we know!

Check out the Power of Positive Parenting by Dr. Glenn I Latham

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