Mom Song

Go ahead… you deserve a laugh!

Juggling!

Every busy parent knows that life is a continuous juggling act in the midst of a three-ring-circus.  Trust me, I have three little boys, each of whom manages to demand, perform, and behave in excess of a Barnum and Bailey show!

Every day you pack enough sandwiches and cook sufficient food to feed small third-world-country.  When you take time off from the office, two people are hired to replace you.  You do homework, go to soccer practice, and participate in class trips to the zoo.  You call your mother and mother-in-law regularly and stay in contact with the kids’ teachers and carpool drivers. 

You are the tooth fairy, nurse, waitress, chef, secretary, housekeeper, chauffer, therapist, personal shopper, guidance counselor, coach, and entertainer all wrapped into one extraordinarily busy person. 

How do you juggle the wide variety of tasks that must be accomplished?  What is the secret to staying sane while keeping all the balls up in the air?

The answer is to simply shoot your image of superwoman, and realize that she is nothing but a fantasy.  Nobody, that’s right, nobody can have it all.  If you want to enroll your children in a lot of activities, you will not cook healthy gourmet dinners each evening.  If you want to treat yourself to a well-deserved good book and bar of chocolate each evening, you will not have all the laundry sorted by the end of each day.

Most of the balls we are constantly attempting to juggle are made of rubber.  There is no harm done in a rubber ball bouncing on occasion.  However, one ball is made of glass- the family ball.  The housekeeping and shopping can be put on hold.  The myriad of chores on your list will patiently wait for you to attend to them.  However, the people within your family need you now.  Your children will never be the exact same age they are today ever again.  You will never have another opportunity to enhance your relationship with those closest to you for this present day.

So, go ahead, and let some balls bounce.  We all have scattered rubber balls bouncing within our busy lives.  Relax; you can scoop them up later.  Now is the time to focus on your glass ball, the people in your home who need you most.  Don’t let the glass ball down, because it can shatter.  Keep on juggling… you can do it!

Responsibility!

There are so many powerful thoughts regarding raising small souls cruising through my mind today that I scarcely know where to begin! We recently returned from a most unique vacation- a wilderness program for ‘at-risk’ teens in the San Francisco Bay area.

After my husband worked in the camp for the latter half of July, the staff flew both of us out West for the last weekend of the program.

The all-boys program consisted of twenty defiant young men and an additional twenty staff members.

Anger management, improving social skills, connection with family, and enhancing feeling of self-worth are some of the crucial topics that are covered during formal sessions as well as informal activities.

The twenty-foot truck that contained all the provisions necessary to support forty people in the wilderness was a lesson onto itself.

Personally, when we travel to New York to visit family members, it takes me hours to pack the luggage necessary for my family of five- and even more time to load the minivan in a semi-organized manner!

Thus, the sight of HUNDREDS of massive Rubbermaid bins, all neatly labeled, being loaded and unloaded onto the truck in assembly-line fashion by rowdy teens was, indeed, a sight to behold.

Each bin was clearly marked: Sleeping bags, Flashlights, Propane, Garbage bags, Tents, Air mattresses, Perishables (fresh ice was purchased for these bins each day!), Tools, Drug tests, Snacks, Tissues, Plates, Cutlery, Sunscreen…. Are just some of labels I can recall offhand!

Young men had helped their mothers set the table for dinner, as I watched them lug the heavy food-related bins around the campfire, and how often they made their beds at home as they pitched tents, pumped mattresses, and unrolled sleeping bags in the forest.

What are some of the ideas used in the wilderness that we parents can implement in our daily lives in order to foster greater responsibility in our children?

Here are several thoughts that I gleaned at a campsite outside of San Francisco that can help you wherever you are:

Idea #1: Get involved!

Particularly at the beginning of a new project, or if this is the child’s first time participating in this task, do not ‘delegate and leave’.

It can be tempting to say, “clear the table” or “put away the laundry” and turn towards another task – (I’m very guilty of this one, since I feel that I’m ‘using my time wisely’… however in the long run, it’s truly ‘un-wise’!) Yet, in all likelihood, your child is not yet equipped to remember all the instructions you gave, know where all the items belong, and have the ability to focus for the duration of the task without getting distracted.

Be involved with the project you have assigned to your child. Help him by putting a few pieces of silverware into the dishwasher or placing the socks into the appropriate drawer.

You are being a mentor, actively demonstrating how the task should be accomplished. Additionally, your presence and participation will guide your child to follow through on the task until it is completed. (Have you ever had your son clear only the plates off the table and then disappear from the kitchen? Try to recall what YOU were doing at that time- when you are involved the ‘disappearing act’ seems to disappear!)

Idea #2: Offer an incentive!

“If we unload the truck in 60 minutes we’ll all get Slurpees!” the director of the program announced upon our arrival at a new campsite.

Yesterday, I did the same thing. A recent family trip to New York had left our minivan resembling a battlefield in a war zone. (A battle of chips, water-bottles, CD’s, and Mapquest printouts!) After handing each of my three children a grocery bag, I announced, “Whoever fills their bag garbage from the van within ten minutes will get a piece of birthday cake!”

In short order the Pontiac was sparkling, and the children were enjoying the remnants of the birthday cake from earlier in the week.

There was no cajoling, nagging, or whining. There was a simple announcement, with the anticipation of a desired reward, and the responsible participation in the chore was the virtually effortless result.

Idea #3: Reframe your perspective regarding housekeeping: Your goal is to raise responsible children; having a spotless home is not the main objective.

This can be a tough idea to integrate into our mindset!

Our primary job as adults is to teach our children to be productive, responsible, people.

Your child simply has no interest in hearing his mother yell, “I’m not the maid around here!!!” There is nothing for him to learn from that statement, and quite frankly, he really could not care less whether you or hired help are doing the housekeeping.

Yes, it’s nice when the house is neat as a pin.

Yet, it’s even nicer when your child can contribute to the household in a way that utilizes her talents and strengths.

Some children are good at fine-motor-tasks like polishing silver or folding laundry, others are better at organizing and consolidating, while still others may shine at gross-motor-tasks, such as vacuuming or raking leaves.

If your child enjoys decorating or a sense of control in the household, engage her in your housekeeping decisions, such as; “Honey, where do you think we should keep the garbage?” or, “Where would be a good place to hang up these hooks for your coats?”

Idea #4: Relax!

Nobody ever died of wrinkled laundry or dirty dishes!

As your children grow and leave the nest, you’ll have more time to clean and less people to make a mess… and you may even come to miss their dirty fingerprints on the glass door!

Here’s a lovely poem, author unknown, that is worth it’s weight in gold hanging on every refrigerator!

Excuse This House!

Some houses try to hide the fact that children shelter there.

Ours boasts of it quite openly, the signs are everywhere!

For smears are on the windows and little smudges are on the door.

I should apologize, I guess, for the toys strewn on the floor.

But I sat down with the children and we played and laughed and read;

and if the doorbell doesn’t shine, their eyes will shine instead.

For when at times I’m forced to choose the one job or the other . . .

I want to be a housewife – but first I’ll be a mother!

~~~~~

Do share your tips for teaching responsibility below!

Reclaiming the Lost Art of Listening

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My good friend Sarah recently repeated this conversation to us, and we laughed until we could laugh no longer.

“Hi, how are you?” the next-door-neighbor asked Sarah.

“I’m dying, thank you,” Sarah replied in an even tone of voice.

“Great!” the neighbor responded heartily. “Do you want to come with me to the one-day-sale downtown?”

It’s a sad fact of modern living. I call it the lost art of listening. We have more ability to communicate than prior generations could have ever imagined. Yet we have less communication than ever.

I remember seeing my grandfather marvel at the awesome power of the fax machine about two decades ago. “He puts the paper inside of it in California, and it comes out here in New York!?” He exclaimed incredulously. Can you imagine what he would have thought of my cell phone with caller-ID, instant messaging, and pod casting?

The vast array of technological means of contacting others, regardless of their location, is absolutely incredible. One would imagine that relationships are strengthened, and more close friends are gained. However, the alarming statistics of divorce, low self-esteem, and loneliness tell another story. How is it possible, that in the twenty-first century, the art of communication is at an all-time low?

Perhaps the many facets that are available to us impede our level of focus. After all, how easy is it to have a conversation with your spouse while simultaneously answering the phone and responding to an instant message? In addition, the doorbell is ringing, incoming emails are beeping, and the TV is broadcasting!

Simply reading those sentences is sufficient to send my head spinning!

When the opportune time presents itself for a conversation, what are you doing? Do you have a habit of impatiently waiting for your child to finish his thoughts, so that you can add your words of wisdom? Perhaps you are looking at your watch in anticipation of the next appointment, catching up on your emails, and checking the list of missed calls on your cell phone.

The only constant within the field of communication is that it always takes two to tango. People will respond to the tone of your voice and the pace of your conversation by matching your manner of speech. Have you ever spoken with someone who has laryngitis, and noticed that you are whispering? We respond in kind to the way in which we are spoken.

As a result, when you change your method of communicating, the people with whom you relate will start to change their method of communication. Imagine if you became a better listener today, and several months down the road you influenced ten people to improve their listening techniques, who then proceeded to influence an additional ten people each…

(Once again, my head is spinning!)

We can resurrect the lost art of listening, and change the face of global communication today. Begin by listening with all your senses to your partner’s and children’s words. Imagine the scene he is describing and picture yourself in the situation he is outlining. Take the energy to put yourself in his shoes, and feel the emotions that he is expressing.

Then, take a moment to pause and reflect.

Are the words that jumped into your mind the response he would appreciate hearing, or the habitual response that you would appreciate saying?

If a personal thought such as, “I must pick up the suit at the cleaners before 7:00.” keeps popping to forefront of your mind, take a pen and write it down. This technique is known as ‘brain-dumping’ and that will free your mind to concentrate on the subject at hand with total focus.

Rest assured, that after practicing the above techniques several times, they become second nature. Choose a time, perhaps the time your spouse returns home from work, to practice daily, and tape the above paragraphs to your bathroom mirror. Your rewards will be richly deserved and soon in arriving: The next time you have a subject of importance to talk about, you will be conversing with an empathetic, understanding, and listening ear.

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“Ouch!” Change is Uncomfortable!

Take the time to take a good hard look at where you are today, and where you want to be in the future.

You are here, yet you want to be there. Your children are here, and you’d like to guide them there.

What is stopping you from being in your ideal situation right now? Whether you want to lose weight, stop yelling at your children, find Mr. Right, or leave Mr. Wrong, you keep looking at a goal that you have not yet achieved.

Let’s explore why not.

Try this experiment: Simply fold your arms across your chest. Notice which arm is above the other, where your hands touch your elbows, and how effortlessly you were able to position your arms.

Now, it is time for the change: Uncross your arms, and re-fold them across your chest, this time the opposite way. That’s correct, if your right arm crossed over the center of your left arm, then place your left arm above the right. And vice versa.

I have seen rooms filled with people laughing and twisting their arms in awkward directions, in an attempt to fold their arms in the opposite manner!

If changing the way in which you cross your arms is an uncomfortable, unnatural process, we can glean some wisdom as to the dynamics of human beings experiencing change.

Staying in the same position is more comfortable than changing positions. Thus, we can find marathon runners who use the remote control to switch the channels, instead of walking across the room. They do not dislike walking; they simply want to remain comfortable.

Therein lies the secret of achievement; the ability to acknowledge and understand that the changes you will undergo will be uncomfortable. Denying yourself the usual chocolate treats, in order to reach your ideal size, is not a pleasant sensation for your taste buds. Forgoing a shopping trip in order to spend the afternoon with your child, may not be as relaxing a way to spend your free time. Taking a deep breath and counting to ten after your child’s explosion will require genuine emotional fortitude, instead of blowing up in the manner of the old habit.

When you understand that making changes will involve some discomfort, even some pain, and you are ready to embrace the positive long-term changes along with the negative short-term changes, then you become unstoppable.

It is not education, socio-economic status, gender, nor ethnicity which will propel you towards success. Your dreams, and ultimately your children’s dreams, will be realized because of your newfound perspective. It is the courage in your heart to overlook the heavy weight of the boxes you are carrying that will move you towards your goals, since you know that there are diamonds to be found within them.

Go ahead and begin a change in your life. Write it down, and share the goal with your friends. Embrace the discomfort, cross your arms, and proceed resolutely towards success.

And when you achieve your goal, and meet someone on the road to making changes, ask them to cross their arms, and inspire them with the courage to succeed!

Planting Small Souls

Raising children is arguably one of the most complex and profound challenges that we face. From the innocent days of infancy through the complicated chaos of the teenage years, childrearing is fraught with questions and uncertainty.

Like a freshly germinating seed, each newborn requires a certain set of conditions to thrive. Tender, loving care, understanding and patience are some of the basics. Just as some varieties of foliage crave more sun and water than others, so too do our children have different needs. Even siblings born of the same parents can be found to have diverse temperaments and emotional requirements.

When a child is born and when a seed is planted a profound process has begun. A flower will not bloom faster by watering it more often or exposing it to additional sunlight. Neither a child’s nor a plant’s development can be rushed; patience is essential as we tend to the fledgling souls.

A story is told of a space shuttle mission to Mars that was cancelled at the last moment. Politicians were furious to learn that the cancellation was due to an error in the direction of the rocket of one-millionth of an inch! “For such a miniscule amount, the entire mission had to be cancelled?!”

The wise astronauts answered, “Although the difference from the correct course is only a millionth of an inch here on Earth, in space the distance will be magnified exponentially. Had we proceeded with this launching, the shuttle would not have reached Mars- it would have landed on Jupiter!”

And although a small difference in our attitude towards integrity, responsibility, or patience may seem relatively insignificant in our everyday lives, the shifts will be magnified with each future generation within our family.

Although you may be in the midst of a hot, long, tiring day, when you take that superhuman deep breath and respond with patience- rather than anger- to your child’s clumsiness, a more tranquil and emotionally secure home will await you and your family for generations to come.

Waking up several minutes earlier may seem like a small change in your present schedule, yet the effect of calm and happy mornings will linger beyond the visible day-to-day outcome of that change.

So, give yourself a hearty pat on the back for the seemingly small things- which are can have momentous effects on your child’s happiness and confidence.

As trees and children mature, the weather will change and a serene sunny day may suddenly be replaced by a dark and stormy night. What was effective yesterday may no longer be adequate today, and we parents search for answers anew amid the changing circumstances.

Parenting, like planting, is a journey- not a destination. Let’s go down the road together and strengthen one another with insightful tips and advice.

Do share the ideas that have born fruit as you raise your small souls!

Five Tips to Kick Start Your Child’s Self Esteem

If there is one attribute that can change the outcome of a child’s life, I would have to define that as self-esteem.

Low self-esteem can take a youngster to unsavory relationships and achievement far below his or her potential, while a healthy level of confidence will guide a child to shine in so many aspects of life.

Several ideas are presented here, that you can use as a template for a curriculum to aid your child in developing his self-esteem. With that in mind, view the following suggestions as you would look at a spread of food in a cafeteria: take what appeals to you and leave the rest behind for consideration at another time.

1) Accepting Myself: My family, my strengths and weaknesses, my unique situation… My talents and my failings all serve to make me the special person that I am. Nobody is without flaws or regrets; what I do with my capabilities from now on is what is important.

2) Decision-Making: Children need guidance in making their own decisions and handling the consequences of both the good and bad decisions that have been made. It is important for them to understand instant-gratification versus long-range benefits in the bigger picture. The ability to delay immediate gain for a future yield is a sign of maturity that will boost a youngster’s self-esteem tremendously.

3) The need for help: Children can’t find all the answers on their own. A parent, teacher, grandparent, or neighbor can be an instrumental mentor to aid a child’s development in a myriad of ways. Asking for help is a a healthy sign of desire for growth, not a weakness.

4) Goal-Setting: The ability to establish and meet reasonable goals that are challenging yet achievable will be a superb springboard to longer-term aspirations. Successfully meeting a challenge encourages a person to take on further projects and strive beyond what he has already done.

5) Time-Management Skills: Despite the many time-saving appliances that fill our homes, we are busier than ever before! Learning to realistically prioritize tasks and projects is a skill that will keep overwhelming feelings at bay and serve your children well for years to come.

Use this list as a springboard for other ideas that come to mind as you broach these subjects with your child. A two-year-old will learn delayed gratification by being rewarded after the blocks have been cleaned, while a teenager will internalize the same lesson by shoveling snow to earn her new ipod. The lessons are timeless life-skills that will enable your child to handle the complicated time of growing up more effectively.

For further reading regarding your son or daughter’s self esteem, I recommend “Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys” if you are a parent of a son, and “Reviving Ophelia: Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls” if you are a parent of a girl.

Everything Versus Something

It happens at the most surprising moments.  A flash of inspiration bolts into our heart, and like Nike, the energy shouts, “Just do it!”

Perhaps it was a sidelong glance at well-mannered children in another family, or even one of the articles on this site.  Every so often the burning desire to change, to make a substantial difference in the life of our child, consumes us.

“From now on, I will pay more attention to my child in the evenings,” pronounces Dad.

“From this day forward I shall never lose my temper,” Mom exclaims.

Good intentions.  Wonderful intentions.

Yet what happens the next day, or the following week?  The majority of the time we are back to where we started, and any progress caused by the inspiration has long since disappeared.

We want to be better parents, yet changing habits and personality is so difficult!

Here is a tip that will allow you to make substantial- although not instantaneous- positive changes in your parenting style:

First, a short fable:

The simplicity of this concept can be demonstrated by the ancient story of the Greek wrestler who would carry a calf on his shoulders for a few hours each day.  He did so from the time that the calf was born until she was three years old – and despite the fact that the calf grew heavier and heavier, he was able to do so.  Those who watched him were amazed at his incredible strength; those who heard about it did not believe what they heard.  None of them realized that what he done was fooling his subconscious mind by conditioning it.

His mind was well aware that lifting a full grown cow was a virtually impossible feat for a human being.  However, lifting a newborn calf was within the wrestler’s abilities.  The day-to-day growth of the animal was so slight it was nearly imperceptible.  His strength increased daily in minute increments.

And therein lays the secret to accomplishing the impossible, the formidable or the overwhelming:

Break your huge task into many smaller goals.  Create goals that are relatively easy to accomplish.  The next step is to build upon them.

The bottom line is this:  If you can make one change, you have the ability change once more, and then a third time as well.

Today, let’s start small.  Small, yet effectively.

What is the little parenting resolution you are going to make today?  Share below, and please do post your progress!

To our success!

Activities for Children

Thank you for downloading the free Paper Doll and Dot-to-Dot ebooks!

I hope you and your child enjoyed them:)

Additionally, please let me know what kind of activities you would like to see from RaisingSmallSouls in the future!

Choices

Choices!

If I had to summarize the moral of RaisingSmallSouls.com’s popular ‘Animal School’ movie, I would borrow the words of King Solomon: “Educate a lad according to his way; even in old age he will not depart from it.”

While there is a plethora of educational strategies that aid us in individualized education, in accordance with ‘educate a lad according to his way’; how can we be certain that the lessons we impart in our children will remain with them in adulthood? What is the optimal manner of imparting values in our children that don’t go in one ear out the other- yet actually become engraved onto their hearts?

Unlike the driver who speeds down the highways, slowing only when his radar detector alerts him to a potential speeding ticket, what is the best way to raise a child to maintain his good behavior- even when his parents are not there to watch him?

I believe the answer can be found in not only teaching our children good habits and virtuous character traits, but also teaching them to make good choices. It’s the stuff that life is made of, the unique capacity that defines our humanity; the ability to choose.

The numerous decisions that we make every day give us boundless opportunities to teach our children to make wise decisions.

For example, instead of simply instructing a six-year-old to look both ways prior to crossing the street, we can add the concept of choice to the directions: “When you are crossing the street you are making a choice to take care of yourself. You look left, right, and left again because you want to cross the road safely to the other side.”

As your child gets older, the conversation can continue regarding healthy behaviors: “In our family we do not have cake for dinner because we choose to make good decisions about what we do to our bodies.”

Equally essential to promoting healthy physical habits, are emotionally wholesome behaviors.

The ability to choose a reaction to an emotion is what gives emotionally intelligent people an enormous advantage in dealing with life.

There is a huge, oftentimes overlooked, distinction between emotions and reactions to those emotions. If someone were to cause me pain, my immediate and natural reaction would be to hurt that person. However, the ability to make a choice regarding the expression of my emotion would allow me to think, “I’d really like to take revenge, but I am simply not going to do it.”

Children must understand that is it ok to occasionally feel anger or contempt, yet it is not ok for them to act out in hateful manner. Teaching our children to name, and thus actually own, their emotions, and then to think and choose their behavior- rather than simply being a slave to the emotion of the moment- is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.

Raising children effectively means preparing children for life, and life has many surprises waiting for all of us.

There are so many things that we cannot control. Relatives, the economy and our health, to name just a few.

A wise message to be internalized by our children, as well as ourselves, is that, “We have little control over many of the circumstances in our lives, however we have total control over how we react to them.”

Making good choices is a learned skill. Along the road to teaching decision-making your child will inevitably make some bad choices. As long as their effect is not dangerous, let the faulty decisions be a stepping-stone for her to learn the art of making well-informed, positive choices.

It is the cumulative effect of many wise decisions- such as delaying gratification and choosing healthy habits- that yield a successful life.

Happy Parenting:)

A Thought

My husband just shared this thought with me, and I found it hit home in my heart in a poignant manner, so allow me to share it with you.

When an archer takes hold of his bow and arrow, the closer that he is able to draw his arrow inward, the further and straighter the arrow will go.  By pulling the arrow closer to him, the archer is enabling it to effectively and successfully reach its destination afar.

We parents are also archers.

The closer we pull our child towards ourselves, in a wholesome and healthy manner, the farther we allow our child to ultimately soar.  It is paradoxically by being emotionally close to your child that we give him/her the ability to mature into an effective adult.

All of the bonding, time, effort, and energy you are spending with your child today will yield tremendous results in his/her future.

Draw your child close now, and watch that child soar!

Dear Mommy & Daddy,

My five-year-old son brought home a picture of a fruit tree he had decorated in school, with the following poem that I feel compelled to share with you:

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

When a farmer plants a tree,
He toils and toils endlessly.

He works all day and sometimes through the night,
To assure that the fruits come out just right.

All the more so do parents work for many, many years,
Putting in physical efforts as well as tears.

And with the help of God, the fruit becomes ripe and sweet,
And parents will have accomplished the ultimate feat.

Mommy and Daddy you are polishing my soul, helping it grow,
And for that I thank you and love you so.

May it be the will of God that all the efforts you invest in me,
Should bring out the best ‘fruit’ there can be.

Love,
Jacob

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