There was a time when there as home remedy for everything. Medication was once considered a last resort. Oatmeal, vinegar and baking soda have been replaced by pills for every little ailment. Unfortunately, it appears this trend has been passed along to our kids. At one time, the most common medication a kid would have to take is an antibiotic. Today, more than a quarter of children in the United States take medication for a chronic condition with about seven percent on at least two prescription medications, according to stats based on the Medco Health Solutions database.

Lack of Research

The way a medication acts in an adult is not necessarily the way it acts in a child. Children as young as five, for example, are being placed on diabetes drugs once reserved for adults only. Many of these medications, especially those that have been around a while, were only tested on adults because that was the intended market. Many children and teens are now taking everything from statins to sleeping pills on a regular basis. Some of these such as antidepressants can have dangerous side effects and lead to issues such as dependency and suicidal tendencies. A Duke University pediatrics professor echoes these concerns, noting that many older medications are no longer under patent protection. This means there is little incentive to further test these drugs.

Get a Second or Third Opinion

There is nothing wrong with trusting your doctor, just understand they have different styles when it comes to prescribing medications. Some doctors, especially those weary of litigation, may err on the side of caution and prescribe medication out of the fear of being accused of not diagnosing or treating a condition sooner. Others are more mindful of tougher insurance regulations and tend to avoid preventative treatments. Your best weapon either way is to get as many opinions as you can. Most doctors even encourage multiple opinions. You want to clearly express your concerns with your doctor. If you are adamant that you don’t want little Jimmy on antidepressants, your doctor may be willing to suggest alternative treatment options.

Monitor Your Child

Some medications such as those for heart ailments detected early in life can help a child lead a productive life. On the other hand, the long-term effects of some medications on children is simply not known because no substantial research exists. A U.S. Food and Drug Administration program is encouraging further testing by offering incentives for companies that voluntarily perform research on drugs prescribed to children. The findings suggest substantially different reactions. This makes it extremely important to monitor your child closely, especially when he or she starts taking a new medication. You don’t want to pull your child off any medication without checking with your doctor first. This could do more harm than good.

Information is really the best defense you have when it comes to the medications your child takes. Common conditions diagnosed in children today include ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), asthma and autism. When your child is prescribed medication, get as many opinions as possible. Monitor your child closely when taking any new medications. The world of medicine continues to evolve, but it’s not an exact science. Keep in mind that most doctors have the best of intentions when prescribing medication, but it’s not an exact science. The best thing to do is discuss your concerns with your doctor and do as much research as possible. Even in today’s high-tech world, information is a powerful tool.

Guest author Andrew Rios is a father and freelance blogger for Access rx where you can order medications online. To learn more you can watch their Accessrx Videos on YouTube.

A tribute to you very special mothers — Happy Mother’s Day!

This is a tricky issue and many parents are stumped as to how to deal with it. In my “How To Manage Sibling Rivalry Without Losing Your Mind” workshop we talk about ways to help ease the tensions of sibling rivalry in our homes. One way to do that is to value all the kids in our family for who they are.

To do that it is helpful to stop focusing on accomplishments. Instead we want to promote the idea that trying, putting in effort is a worthy goal. We also want to foster respect in our home. This won’t get rid of sibling rivalry altogether but will help up the odds of having more peace in our homes and possibly a more pleasant dinner table.

So how can we do all of this? Here are some simple ideas that may help:

1. Who cares who won the game?

As I said above, we want to set up our home in a way that we are not always talking about our kid’s accomplishments. I know this might sound foreign to our ears but constantly telling kids what they are good at “You are great at math!” and beaming about their latest achievements on the soccer field, “You are the greatest soccer player”, sends the wrong messages to our kids.
Instead we need to keep our dinner conversations away from what our kids are doing and take some time to talk about our goals for our family, current events, and community concerns. We can of course let everyone share something about our day, but not if it becomes a competition.
So instead of:
Parent: “So how was that math test you took today.”
Child: “I aced it”
Parent: “Great job!”
(You can leave those conversations if you need for a private moment.)
Try:
“I heard that there was an earthquake in Timbuktu, Mom and I were trying to figure out how we as a family could help.”
“Grandma’s birthday is coming up, any ideas for gifts?”
“The Jones, just had a baby, isn’t that exciting.”
“Someone keeps on leaving the pretzel and the chips bags open and the stuff is getting stale. Can we work on this please?”
When we stop stresses what we have accomplished on our day and instead focus on the needs of others and our family we are teaching our kids a valuable lesson or two or three.
Number one, the world does not revolve around them.
Number two, accomplishments are not just the things we succeed at, it is also our efforts that count (see below for more)
Number three, we as a family want to make our impact by doing a little bit of good in this world.

2. Stop comparing:

Sometimes when we talk about our kid’s accomplishments we may take it even one step further. We can compare our kids and pigeonhole them.
We may say:
“You are the best in math and your brother is the best in sports.”
This can create a lot of friction. It puts kids in a tenuous position of trying to maintain their status in their area of expertise (that has been imposed on them by their parent) all the days of their lives.
Again, we want to avoid the focus on their accomplishments and more on the effort they put into their work. That is the best indicator for success. (So really it is the child who works hard for everything, who is ahead of the game.)
In a breakthrough study, Carol Dweck of Columbia University, discovered that praising our children for their effort, for working hard, persevering at a difficult task and figuring out solutions to problems is the best way to encourage kids. Children who are praised in this way are motivated to learn and will challenge themselves. They feel that they have control over their intelligence and they only have to increase their effort to succeed at school, with friends and eventually at work and with their most important relationships, their families.
Here is what we can say to our perceived underdog to give him a boost and to move us from focusing on his accomplishments to his efforts:

“I like the way you tried all kinds of strategies on that math problem until you finally got it.”
“It was a long, hard assignment, but you stuck to it and got it done. You stayed at your desk, kept up your concentration, and kept working.”
“I saw you were getting frustrated with your homework. You stopped and took a break and a drink. That helped you regain your concentration and finish your work.”
And to the sibling that doesn’t have to work too hard, you need to find some activities where he does put in effort. Point out the process of his work. Be creative:
“You helped Michael with his motorcycle, you went over there on Monday to help with the engine and then today you went over to do the body work…”
“Thanks for working with me on painting the bathroom, priming, and then painting the woodwork and then the walls…”

3. Be Respectful:
In general, cultivate a feeling of respect in your home. Part of that is teaching kids table manners and the rules of polite discussion.
If things are getting out of hand at dinner you can gently mediate and remind them of some basic etiquette:
“Let’s try not to interrupt…”
“Let’s hear him out…”
“I want to hear what you have to say right after Josh finishes…”

4. Keep perspective:

Remember, Sibling Rivalry is normal. Once kids are grown they won’t have to live together and they can forge their own unique paths. Tensions may linger but it is most likely that they will be good friends. More important, they will be there for each other when the chips are down.
That is the thought that I hold onto when I watch my kids squabble over the disagreement of the day.

Adina Soclof, MS. CCC-SLP

Adina Soclof works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children’s Bureau facilitating “How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk” workshops as well as workshops based on “Siblings Without Rivalry.” Adina also runs ParentingSimply.com. Check out her online classes and visit her website at www.parentingsimply.com

Sometimes less is more. Less rushing in to solve our kids’ problems can result is allowing them the time and space to think things through on their own. In other words, encouraging and facilitating their problem-solving abilities as opposed to enabling them to rely upon us.

It is not easy to step back and watch our child struggle or be upset by something and not run in to do it for them or tell them how to handle their upset. After all, we’ve been there and can protect them from hurts with our greater knowledge, wisdom and years of experience. So why let them struggle through something when we can give them the ‘right’ solution. Isn’t that our job – to safeguard them from any difficulties that are in our control?
In our efforts to protect, we are short-changing them. We are cloistering them from learning to handle the bumpy situations for themselves. Even worse , we are conditioning them to not trust their own abilities. Our quick advancement into the problem area tells them, “you can’t”, or “it’s not good enough, Mommy/Daddy needs to step in”. Is that the message we want to give our kids?

The message to carry them into a life of success which involves risk-taking, perseverance, problem-solving, and overall resilience is an ‘I Can’ attitude.

Instead of taking away those tough situations from them by fixing, problem-solving for them, stepping in on their behalf or telling them what to do, we need to encourage, brainstorm with them, elicit their ideas, question them as to what they think might be a way to handle the situation. We must listen, respect and value what they have to say. This provides the foundation for them to begin to trust in themselves, to develop that all important sense of self-worth and a belief in themselves as competent people. These are some of the most important threads of ‘humanhood’ needed to function well in life.
Because of our grown-up experiences in life, we know all too well that life is not always easy to manage and navigate. We therefore must raise our children with the skills, attributes and inner self-strength to handle their lives in an emotionally healthy and highly functional manner.

We must allow for mistakes, and mistakes that don’t yield an ‘I told you so’ response. Mistakes that don’t elicit a response of, ‘here let me do it for you.’ Rather mistakes that promote self-correction, making amends, taking ownership and responsibility; mistakes seen as valuable learning lessons, not catastrophes. Mistakes that are turned into learning and problem-solving opportunities.

Your five year old spills his milk. Ask him what needs to be done. Allow him to sponge it up or use a paper towel, even if the job is not done perfectly. (You can always go back in and clean it up better when he’s out of the room and doesn’t see you cleaning up after him.) And then encourage him to pour the milk again.
Your twelve year old breaks the neighbor’s window with a ball. Ask him how he feels he should make amends and take responsibility for this accident/mistake. He could go over to the house, call them up but an apology must be extended by him (not by us the parents) and an offer to pay for it. Then brainstorm with him how he will pay for it. You could split the cost with him; as long as he is experiencing the consequence of his actions (by paying some out of his own money, ie. Allowance, present money).

My daughter used to always return her library books late. And I paid the late fee. Punishing her did nothing to correct the problem. It was only after she started paying her own late fees that the problem basically ended. When she felt it out of her own little allowance pocket, the books got returned on time.

Let’s be on board in our children’s journey towards independence by: allowing them to do what they can do, coaching them towards their own solutions to difficulties, allowing them to make mistakes and together coming up with amends, corrections and improvements and by acknowledging their struggles and giving them the chance to come up with their own ideas and thoughts about tackling their problems.

Many of us believe that the more we do for our child, the better parent we are. In reality, less can be more. By stepping back and allowing for their age-appropriate level of independence to manifest (according to their abilities) and being a guide rather than do-it-all for them, we are giving our children a gift of a lifetime.

Harriet Cabelly is a social worker and life coach emphasizing living life to its fullest and creating a good life out of (or despite) adversity. Read more about her at Rebuild Your Life Coach and read the latest from her blog.
Harriet is also a parent coach and facilitates many parent workshops.  She is passionate about empowering parents to be the best they can be.  “We only get 18 years to ‘technically’ raise our kids.  Let’s parent in the most conscious and reflective way possible.”

I like to use report card time as a way to enforce a few of the values that we cherish in our home.

This what I tell my kids:

•  Report cards are private. Only the parents and the child involved get to see them. No one has to share the information on their report cards with anyone else.
•  ”Respects teachers and others” is the most important subject for us. That is the grade we look at the most. (Our schools report card gives grades for that.)

What I like to point out:

•  Grades that have improved from the last quarter, “Oh, look you went from a B minus to a B plus. You showed improvement in that subject.”
• Grades that have stayed the same, “You kept a steady B plus in math.”

Last night we had our live class, “When Your Child Is Defiant: Simple Ways To Avoid Power Struggles.”

We had a great time. Our virtual classroom was full and our class lasted for over 1.5 hours.

Here is some of the feedback from the class:

“I really identified with a lot of what you spoke about tonight. Thanks so much for the great advice.”

“Great class last night. I really enjoyed it!”

“Wonderful!”

Handling defiant kids is a tough topic, and every parent can use a bit of help. We learned that most kids will go through childhood having times when they are defiant. It is all part of the growing process.

Most parents agree that it is helpful to know that defiant behavior is normal, but we still want some tools to help us  manage this difficult problem. That is what we talked about last night.

We answered the  following questions:

• Why kids are defiant?
• Why can’t they just “behave”?
• Why are some kids amore defiant than others?
• What drives their behavior?
• What triggers their negative behavior?
• Can we turn their behavior around?
• How do we as parents contribute to the problem?
• How can we use positive reinforcement to help these kids feel good about themselves?

If you missed the class and want access to the audio recording, you can still buy it here:

When Your Child Is Defiant: Simple Ways To Avoid Power Struggles

As a mother I find that I get frustrated easily. The constant cooking, cleaning, carpooling and other household chores can get overwhelming. It is at those times that I might start with those accusations, that sound like this:

“Who left the juice out? ”

“Who made all these crumbs?”

“Who did this? Who took out all the legos and did not put them away?”

I think you have got the picture. When we start to speak to our kids in this way, you can be sure they will want to run the other way.

One great phrase to use in all this situations is this:

“In this house we don’t accuse; we focus on solutions.”

So if you start off accusing you can stop yourself and say this instead. This is what it can sound like:

• “Who left the juice out? Oh right, I forgot! In this house we don’t accuse we focus on solutions.  It does not matter who left the juice out, it just needs to be put away.”
• “Who made all these crumbs?  Oh right, I forgot! In this house we don’t accuse we focus on solutions: It does not matter who made these crumbs they just need to be swept up.”
• “Who did this? Who took out all the legos and did not put them away? Oh right, I forgot! In this house we don’t accuse we focus on solutions. I need help putting the legos away.”

When you do this you teach your kids so  many great lessons:

• Even parents make mistakes.
• It’s okay to make mistakes
• What not to say and what to say instead
• How to communicate effectively with others by not accusing.

So what happens if you do all this and you hear your kids accusing you or others:

“Why didn’t you buy me the snack that I like?”

“She is so annoying, she always takes my toys and I don’t know where they are!”

You can say:

“You sound upset,  let’s not accuse, let’s focus on solutions. You need to say, Mommy can you write down on your list, Danny needs pretzel sticks!”

“You sound angry at your sister,  let’s not accuse, let’s focus on solutions. Can we think of a place to put them where she can’t reach?”

See, I told you it was a great phrase to use! I hope you can put it to use right away and see how it can bring some peace into your home.

Adina Soclof, works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children’s Bureau facilitating, “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen” workshops as well as workshops based on “Siblings Without Rivalry. Adina runs ParentingSimply.com and conducts parenting, teacher and clinician workshops via telephone nationwide. Adina lives with her husband and four lively children in Cleveland, Ohio. For more information on online classes visit her website at www.parentingsimply.com.

Many parents cringe at the sound of themselves nagging. I know, when I nag, I am surprised and I wonder when did this happen to me. What was the turning point?
Did it happen right when I brought my first child home from the hospital? Or was it when the piles of laundry got so high that I knew that I could not wade through it without help? Maybe it happened when I could not walk in my family room without stepping on a lego.

Whenever it was, I did not like it. I knew I did not want to be a nag. Kids and spouses alike do not respond well to being hen-pecked, to put it mildly. The fault finding and the criticism that comes along with nagging does not help a mother’s cause. It does not generate the cooperation that we want and need from our family members.

So, what do we need to do to quit nagging and gain cooperation from our kids? Here are 3 simple strategies to help you stop nagging and help your kids listen to you:

1. What not to say:

When parents nag we usually use one of the following statements:

a.”You always…”

“You always forget to put your backpack in the mudroom! When are you going to start being responsible for your stuff!”

b. “You never…”

“You never are nice to your sister. When are you going to start acting like a good big brother!”

c.”Why can’t you…”

“Why can’t you clean up your room? Why can’t you just clean up when I tell you!”

Talking to kids in this way, puts them on the defensive. They feel criticized. It does not encourage cooperation. The underlying message of these phrases is this, “You can never do anything right!” We want to avoid this type of language as much as possible.

2. Use “I” statements:

The best way to help your kids listen is to talk about what you need or how you feel. You can do this by using some simple “I” statements. You can say:

“I would like to see your backpack in the mudroom.”
“I would appreciate if siblings showed kindness to each other in our home!”
“I would like to see a clean room with papers off the floor and clothing in the hamper.”

3. Start a “No Nagging” campaign:

The best way to change a behavior is to enlist the support of your family. In this case, you want to ask your kids and spouse to help you stop nagging. You can say:

“Guys, I have been nagging way to much! I need help. How can we get stuff done around here so that I don’t need to nag you about it?”

“What would be the best way for me to ask you guys for help without nagging?”

We don’t want to nag and now we can put these strategies to work. It is tough to change our behavior but it can be done. There are better ways to inspire cooperation in our homes. Knowing what phrases to avoid, what to say instead and enlisting your family’s support are all great ways to stop the nagging and get the help you need so your home is running smoothly.

Adina Soclof, works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children’s Bureau facilitating, “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen” workshops as well as workshops based on “Siblings Without Rivalry. Adina runs ParentingSimply.com and conducts parenting, teacher and clinician workshops via telephone nationwide. Adina lives with her husband and four lively children in Cleveland, Ohio. For more information on online classes visit her website at www.parentingsimply.com.

You might be surprised by this but some times, lying is also a form of higher thinking and intelligence. Lying requires more imagination than honesty. In order to lie you need to know what the truth is. Then you need to creatively come up with a new story that will be believable. So children who lie are pretty imaginative. Many times older children will lie to spare another child’s feelings.

Parents should not worry excessively when their children lie. Becoming a moral, upstanding adult takes time and lots of learning from mistakes. Learning to be honest is one of those lessons that has to be learned. Punishing children is not the answer, gentle guidance, is.
Here are 3 ways to gently encourage your child to tell the truth:

1. Explain the difference between lying and “white” lies:

In general, young children have a hard time understanding what a lie is and what the truth is. Because children have such vivid imaginations and are at the same time concrete, black and white learners, the whole topic of lying vs. white lies is confusing. Many people believe that white lies are acceptable because they are used for the sole purpose of protecting another’s feelings. Most cultures view it as a form of kindness. It would be beneficial for parents to give a short explanation about “white” lies. You can tell your child about your own experiences, when you had to use a “white lie” to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. For example, if you had to tell your friend that you liked her cake even thought you didn’t because you didn’t want her to feel bad.

2. Never push a kid into a place where they have a hard time telling you the truth:
Make sure you don’t ask your children questions that will put them in a position to lie. Asking, “Who did this?” or “Why would anyone do such a thing?” Talk about the incident in a matter of fact way, “Oh no, the water spilled all over the floor! We need to get this cleaned up right away!”

3. Role modeling:
The best way to ensure your child tells the truth is to make sure you are truthful yourself. Your kids watch your every move that is the way they learn their moral code and the values that are important to your family.

It can be disconcerting when a child lies. I know that I immediately envision a life of crime for my child. However, knowing what I know about child development, I don’t need to worry. I can rest easy. Lying is a common problem among all children.
Most experts agree that lying is a pretty typical childhood behavior and is usually a passing phase.

Children will start lying at age around age 3. But why do they do it? The reasons children lie get more complex as children grow older. Lying is generally a strategy that children use to keep them afloat in some way.

So, why do children lie? Here are the 4 reasons that keep kids from being honest:

1. Children lie to avoid punishment:
Kids get scared when they have done something wrong. They know that they may get punished. They will do anything to avoid receiving a consequence. So they lie. They tell you that they were not the one who broke the vase or that they didn’t have any homework due that day.

2. Children lie to avoid embarrassment:

Most kids do not like to feel ashamed. It is an awful feeling. When they have done something wrong, they will do anything not to feel humiliated. They would rather save face then tell the truth. They may tell you that they lost their coat that they hate so they will not have to wear it and risk getting made fun of by their peers.

3. Children lie because it is convenient:
Kids would rather continue to play with their blocks or watch TV than get up and brush their teeth. So they lie about their lack of hygiene. They tell you they have already done it. They also lie about homework just to get out of doing something they don’t want to do.

4. They want it to be that way:
Lying for kids is a form of wishful thinking. They confuse reality and their inner fantasy world. They like to make their lives sound more exciting and they will exaggerate.

Now that we understand why our kids lie we will be in a better position to help them be honest. In our next post we will discuss ways to manage your child’s lying and help him stop.

Adina Soclof works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children’s Bureau facilitating “How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk” workshops as well as workshops based on “Siblings Without Rivalry.” Adina also runs ParentingSimply.com. Check out her online classes and visit her website at www.parentingsimply.com Click here to join her newest live class, When Your Child Is Defiant: Simple Ways To Avoid Power Struggles

In some ways this knowledge has taken away our confidence as modern parents. We want to make sure that we give our children an emotionally healthy start to life.

Many of us have moved away from the traditional model of parenting and we are not sure what to do instead. Although modern parenting is still evolving, there are ways for us to reclaim our confidence as parents.

Here are some ideas to help you parent with confidence:

1. Kids need limits and rules:
Many modern parents have become permissive because they don’t want their children to feel bad or get upset. However, children need rules and limits that are fair and consistent. It makes them feel safe, secure and encouraged. When we don’t enforce our rules, kids feel rootless, they don’t know what to expect. The irony is that kids will fight you tooth and nail to get you to back down from your rules. Don’t take that as a sign that you are hurting your child’s psyche. They need to you to stand firm. Deep down they don’t want to win those arguments.

2. Be yourself:
Many modern parents are striving for a good parenting philosophy. We often look to other parents that we admire and try to emulate them. While it is a good idea to find role models, it is important to first understand your own strengths as a parent.

If you have two left feet don’t pick the athletic Dad who loves to run around with his kids in the yard as your model. If you hate to cook, don’t try to live up to your friend who is the ultimate baker and is constantly decorating elaborate cakes with her kids.

Instead, look inward and see what it is you love to do and share it with our kids. If you love to read, read your favorite books with your children. If you love to knit, teach them how to knit. Involving kids in your hobbies will help you parent more confidently. It is always good to share with others what you feel passionate about.

3. Use Positive Self-Talk:
Because modern parents have a tendency to be unsure, we will often tell ourselves:

* “I am such a bad mother/father!”
* “My kids are always misbehaving!”

This kind of talk can make parents feel hopeless. It is always better to be positive:

“Even the best parents make mistakes. Overall, I am a good parent.”
“Kids misbehave it is a part of childhood. For the most part they are good kids.”

When we speak or even think in a positive manner we are able to cope with our problems more effectively and with more confidence.

4. Be calm:
The best gift we can give our kids and ourselves is to parent with calmness. When we are stressed we often get mad and lose it with our kids. That does not help us feel confident.

We need to take time for ourselves, try to get the sleep we need, and eat healthy (at least some of the time.) It is helpful to make sure that everyone in the family, kids and adults alike, have some sort of relaxation ritual built in to their day. A calm parent is a confident parent. Even more important, a calm family is a confident family.

It is important for us to reclaim our feelings of confidence as we parent. Sticking to our limits and rules, being ourselves, keeping positive and parenting with calmness can help us do just that. Kids will know that they have a parent that they can look up to. And we, the parents, will feel capable, and in control. We will be able to parent with conviction once again.

Adina Soclof works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children’s Bureau facilitating “How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk” workshops as well as workshops based on “Siblings Without Rivalry.” Adina also runs ParentingSimply.com. Check out her online classes and visit her website at www.parentingsimply.com

We set the bar to high and there is no way that we can live up to our expectations. This can leads us to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability, causes us to feel pretty angry.

In days past, as practical and unromantic as it may sound, parents had kids because they needed help on the farm or with their family business. Kids were put to work pretty quickly. A parents job was to feed and clothe and possibly educate their kids and not much else.

Today a lot has changed. The job requirements for “good” parents have gotten broader to include:

chauffeur

short order chef

tutor

PR rep

coach

psychologist

The list can go on and on.

No wonder we are feeling stressed and angry.

To help us get a handle on our emotions we need to look at the messages we are telling ourselves consciously or even unconsciously about what constitutes a” good” parent. We all have preconceived notions of what that definition is. I know that some of my unrealistic ideas of what a “good” parent does, includes:

“It’s my job to always make sure the lunches are made and ready. If they aren’t I am not doing my job as a Mom”

“I should always take care of everything for my kids. If I don’t I am a bad Mom.”

“It is my job to make sure my kids are always happy. If they are sad, it means I might have done something wrong.”

“If my kids do not behave, that means that I am not a good Mom.”

“When my kids disobey me, it means that I am not doing my job.”

“It is my responsibility as a good parent to make sure that my kids always do their homework and get good grades.”

I think you get the picture.

We need to rethink our job requirements and make a list that is a little more reasonable. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Let me know what you think constitutes a “good parent.” Let’s see if we can find ways to make parenting less stressful and happier.

Comment below:

In our quest to be great parents and have great performing children, we have gone way overboard towards what’s being called helicopter parenting or bubble-wrap parenting.   We have great intentions but are we doing what’s in the best interest of our kids?   By overprotecting them, are we providing them with the necessary life-skills to manage, handle and cope with the difficulties and challenges that come along in the daily journey of Life.  Are we preparing them to be competent, confident and resilient people?

Think of the goals we want for our children.  I’m pretty sure we would all agree that we’d like our kids to be independent, successful, happy adults who are responsible and capable.  We want them to be able to have good jobs, be in good relationships and live productive lives.  (Feel free to comment below if I’ve left out any important goals here.)

Preparation for this starts now in the raising of our children.  These are the practice years where they must get these necessary skills and try them out.   But all too often by rushing in and doing For them, we are stripping them of the opportunities to do just that – to Try and Practice using them.

They can’t first learn responsibility as an adult if they’ve never had to become and take responsibility as a child.
They can’t first learn to deal with their negative emotions as an adult if they’ve never been allowed to feel badly and see they can come out of it intact.
They can’t learn to stand back up and continue on if they’ve never been allowed to fall down and yes, even fail as children.
{Having said that, I need to qualify those statements by saying that yes, we as adults can learn, re-learn, undo and grow even if we lacked certain skills and ingredients growing up.  But it is a bit of a job and self-improvement takes a lot of inner work.}

I would like to focus on the point of dealing with our children’s emotions as a foundation for everything else.  For this is the crux of emotional and mental health.  This is the main ingredient for happiness, success, productivity and overall living well.  It all starts within.

We must allow our children to Feel.  And that means the good easy feelings of joy, excitement, sillyness as well as the difficult feelings, the ones that make us feel uncomfortable; the ones that make us want to wipe it all away – the sadness, the pain, the anger.  We naturally don’t want our kids feeling badly.  We want to make them happy.  But by denying them their ‘bad’ feelings, we are taking away their ‘right’ to feel their true feelings; and thereby not giving them that all important message of, ‘you can feel lousy and still come through it.

We all know adults who cannot tolerate their negative emotions, their pain and sadness, and therefore numb it with drugs and alcohol.

We must acknowledge our children’s feelings.
“I see you’re upset.”   “That must’ve been hard for you.”  “That sounds frustrating.”
We need to give them permission to feel.   All feelings are acceptable, but not all actions are.  It’s the actions that sometimes need to be limited.  But the feelings must not be denied.

We as parents need to get beyond our own discomfort and our own need to ‘make it all better’ by trying to ‘fix’ the problem.   Oftentimes it’s enough to be understood.  That can go a long way in soothing one’s heart and soul.  We all know how good it feels when somebody ‘gets us’.

So we start by building that connection by simply acknowledging.   There’s always time for problem-solving later.
This is a great listening skill.  So go practice and see how it feels, to you and your kids.

Harriet Cabelly is a social worker and life coach emphasizing living life to its fullest and creating a good life out of (or despite) adversity. Read more about her at Rebuild Your Life Coach and read the latest from her blog.
Harriet is also a parent coach and facilitates many parent workshops.  She is passionate about empowering parents to be the best they can be.  “We only get 18 years to ‘technically’ raise our kids.  Let’s parent in the most conscious and reflective way possible.”

I love cliche sayings like that, but because I know it doesn’t work with kids it just annoys them, I rarely use them. Once in a while I let myself go.

I always think to myself, if it bothers kid so much and we know they don’t work, why do we continue to use these old school parenting phrases? Correct me if I am wrong, but I think it is because we don’t know what else to say.

So to help you out here are some ideas of what you can say instead:

Instead of:

“If all your friends jumped off the Empire State Building would you do it too?”

Try this:

“Hmm, all your friends do it, so you think you can do it too. I need to think about that. Right now I am uncomfortable with that behavior. I will talk it over with Dad and let you know our decision.”

Instead of:

“Because I said so!”

Try this:

“The rule is _________. I appreciate your arguments. I will not change my mind.”

 Instead of:

“Wait until your father gets home!”

Try this:

“I am very disappointed. You need to take some time to think of a way you are going to make this better.”

 Instead of:

“Do I look like your maid?”

Try this:

“I wish I could help. I am busy cutting carrots. I really appreciate when kids do what they can for themselves.”

 Instead of:

“Just ignore him and he will leave you alone!”

Try this:

“He hurt your feelings. You wish he would not call you names.”

I know past generations have used these pat phrases and we all turned out fine. I also know that anytime we try to improve our communication skills it can only benefit our kids.

Adina Soclof, works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children’s Bureau facilitating, “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen” workshops as well as workshops based on “Siblings Without Rivalry. Adina runs ParentingSimply.com and conducts parenting, teacher and clinician workshops via telephone nationwide. Adina lives with her husband and four lively children in Cleveland, Ohio. For more information on online classes visit her website at www.parentingsimply.com.

We learned a lot and started to get to know each other a little bit.

We talked a lot about what anger is. We all know that anger can be the cause of a slew of problems. Including heart disease, depression, and anxiety. It also can contribute to unstable homes, poor job performance and even car accidents.

However, we learned that there is a positive side to anger, that anger can actually sometimes help us. We spent some time discussing the hidden benefit of anger.

Many parents express confusion about the anger that seems to come hand in hand with parenting. Most parents feel that before they had kids they were more laid back. We took some time to understand the changes that occur when we become parents. We learned how those changes could contribute to feelings of anger.

We discussed ways to stay calm when you are dealing with tantrums, fighting and backtalk. We learned one simple way to get rid of anger in small, easy, doable steps.

Participants have also written in with their comments and questions.
Next week we are going to tackle the following queries:

* My biggest frustration is when my daughter doesn’t follow my directions the first time I give them.  Are my expectations realistic? How many times should I tell her?

* How do I get the 3 children who are old enough to know better (2, 4, 5 years old) to cooperate when we have a busy schedule of going to stores or getting to school or getting dressed on their own, etc.

* At what point should I seek professional help?

You can still join us! Just sign up and we will send you an audio of the first class and our workbook. Then we will send you the telephone number and access code, so that you can listen and participate in our 2nd live class.

We would love to meet you.

You can sign up here:
Learn Simple Ways To Parent Without Anger
Adina Soclof, works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children’s Bureau facilitating, “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen” workshops as well as workshops based on “Siblings Without Rivalry. Adina runs ParentingSimply.com and conducts parenting, teacher and clinician workshops via telephone nationwide. Adina lives with her husband and four lively children in Cleveland, Ohio. For more information on online classes visit her website at www.parentingsimply.com.

When I give my parenting classes, I noticed there is one thing that most parents want to know: How do I get my kids to listen?

In my home, whenever I see my kids doing what they are not supposed to do and not listening, I have to hold myself back. I just want to start accusing and blaming. That is my instinctive reaction. If I slip up and give in to my natural impulses, I usually get a lot of defensiveness, anger and disrespectful behavior.

Why am I telling you this? Because I know that the way I approach my kids makes all the difference in whether they will listen or not. It is my tone, my demeanor, my language that can make or break the situation. I know it is a big responsibility and sometimes I wish it was not so, but it all starts with my attitude.

One of the many jobs that we have as parents is to learn ways to talk to our kids so that they can listen to us. We need to also train kids to listen to us. Kids aren’t robots, they can’t just listen on demand.

One of the ways that we can do that is to talk to our kids in a calm and neutral manner. This can go a long way in helping our kids listen. It also helps us avoid power struggles and negativity.

Here is what I mean:

For example:

I want to say:
You guys are impossible! Just pick a video already!
I try to say:
Time is short. A video needs to be decided on now.

I want to say:
Why does everything always have to be such a problem!
I try to say:
You seem to be upset about how things are run in the house. I want to hear all about it. Let’s think of a time to sit down and talk about it.

I want to say:
“How many times do I have to tell you to turn the lights off?”
I try to say:
“How can we make sure the lights will be turned off before you leave?”

Communicating with our kids can be tricky but there are ways to help our kids listen. Learning to speak to our children in this way will get some great results. It is one of the best solutions to one of the biggest problems parents have.

Adina Soclof, works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children’s Bureau facilitating, “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen” workshops as well as workshops based on “Siblings Without Rivalry. Adina runs ParentingSimply.com and conducts parenting, teacher and clinician workshops via telephone nationwide. Adina lives with her husband and four lively children in Cleveland, Ohio. For more information on online classes visit her website at www.parentingsimply.com.

I am a pretty optimistic, positive kind of  person. You know, the glass half full type. I do notice though, that I am pretty hard on myself, especially when it comes to my parenting skills. I thought it was a professional hazard of the Parent Educator.

However, the more I teach the more I see that I am not the only one who is tough on themselves. It seems to be a recurrent theme with the parents that I counsel. I often hear them saying, “You are not going to believe what I did today..I am such a bad Mom.” It occurred to me that all this negative talk was not good for Moms. They needed to be more positive about their parenting abilities.

In my workshops I spend so much time encouraging parents to try to see their kids strengths. I try to help them focus on the positive aspects of their child’s behavior instead of the negative. I realized that I needed to start with the Moms themselves. They needed to see themselves in a positive light. They needed to find a way to see that they were good Moms. Once Moms have that confidence they feel like they are an effective parent. Their parenting will be more natural and easier.

Not only that, the best way to see the good in someone else is to start focusing on the good in oneself. If we focus on what we, as Moms, have done right, in our day, we will more likely see all the things our kids do “right”. If we are kind and non-judgmental to ourselves we will be more kind and non-judgmental with out kids. It is a simple exercise that can transform the way we parent.

Here are some examples of how this can work:

Instead of being negative:

• “I was impatient with my dreamy son.”
• “I was late for carpool.”
• “I didn’t even get to the bills today!”
• “My house is a mess!”

Try being positive:

• “I was impatient with my dreamy son but when he came home I was pleasant. I sat down with him at the table while he ate his snack.”
• “I was late for carpool but I drove safely and did not speed because I was running late.”
• “I didn’t get to the bills today, but last month all the bills were paid on time. I know I will pull it together this month too.”
• “My house is a mess, but I know where everything is.”

It might sound silly but it really works. Once we start focusing on the positive our world starts to look a lot brighter. Our moods get lighter. It is contagious in a good way.  It is a simple but great way to nurture ourselves and our families and be a successful Mom.

Adina Soclof, works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children’s Bureau facilitating, “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen” workshops as well as workshops based on “Siblings Without Rivalry. Adina runs ParentingSimply.com and conducts parenting, teacher and clinician workshops via telephone nationwide. Adina lives with her husband and four lively children in Cleveland, Ohio. For more information on online classes visit her website at www.parentingsimply.com.

The fighting that can go on between siblings can drive even the calmest parents crazy. What we may not realize is that we often get in the middle of the fray and ask questions that can exacerbate the problem.

For example:

Cleaning up from dinner: Why cant you kids just clean up dinner? Why does everything need to be a fight?
Arguing over the TV: Why do you always have to argue over the TV? Why do you guys always have to make a big deal out of nothing? Now no one is going to have a chance to watch!
Privacy: Why can’t you just stay out of each other’s room and leave each other alone? Why do you always have to start up with each other?
When we are dealing with kids and their siblings, we want to avoid asking “why”. We want to move kids from conflict to resolution. We can do that by naming the problem calmly and asking them questions that help them think in terms of finding solutions and compromise.
For example:

• You guys are having trouble figuring out how to clean up. You feel like you end up doing more and you feel like you end up doing more. You don’t feel that is fair. What would seem fair to both of you? How can we clean up from dinner in a way that you both feel would work for you?
•  You sound like you are having some trouble deciding on a TV show. You both want to watch different programs. What would help you decide? Can you guys figure out some sort of compromise?
•  It sounds like you guys are having problems respecting each other’s territory. Max, you just wanted to borrow a book, and you don’t think you need to ask for permission to come into Sara’s room to do that. Sara, you think Max should always ask permission before he enters the room. I think we need to figure out some clear rules on respecting each others privacy. Do you have time to talk about it now?”

What if you don’t have time for a long problem solving session? You can expedite the process by telling them what they need to do. But don’t forget to suggest that you meet later on. Let them know you want to hear both of their opinions and ideas on how they can get along and solve their problems peacefully:

•  The dinner table needs to be cleaned. Tonight we don’t have time for negotiations. Sara you do the silverware. Max you do the plates. Tomorrow we will discuss how we are going to make dinner clean up more manageable and calmer.
• Mom and I need to go in 5 minutes. We need to figure something out quick or else there will be no TV tonight. Lets make sure to make a time where we can talk about this at length. But right now, we need to figure out a speedy solution!
•  Sara, Max is going to take the book right now because he has got to get to school. Max, and you too, Sara, make some time in your schedule tonight so we can give this problem the attention it deserves.

Moving kids from conflict to solution can be a long and arduous process. Everyone wants a peaceful home. Asking the right questions can help.

Do you want to learn more great ways to help your kids get along? Have you had enough of all the fighting that goes on in your house? To learn how to keep the peace in your home you can buy our audios:

“How To Manage Sibling Rivalry Without Losing Your Mind” 

Our gift to you:
You can receive %50 off of our Sibling Workshop.
Use coupon code: RESKIDS

Sign up here:
“How To Manage Sibling Rivalry Without Losing Your Mind”

One out of every five kids receives some form of sexual solicitations online. School bullies have
taken their malice from the playground to the Internet. Many social networks categorize users by
screen name, age, gender and hometown. Personal information can be accessed with the touch of
a button. Fortunately, there are ways to keep kids safe in today’s online world and enjoy a little
peace of mind as kids surf, browse, and chat on the computer.

Social Media

Social networks are great for connecting with friends. However, some of the information posted
on such sites can be dangerous in the wrong hands with the wrong intentions. When creating an
account for your child on a social network, there are a few general precautions to take.

• Don’t give out too much personal information, especially full name, address and age.
• Don’t give out identifying information related to location, such as the name of your child’s
school.
• Tell your child that if they receive any threatening or uncomfortable messages, posts or
comments to let you know immediately.
• Set specific hours when your child can access their various social accounts.

Websites

Many websites automatically propagate suggestions once a few words are typed. This can turn
up some suggestions you do not necessarily want your child to see. Some sites give you the
option to setup a Family Filter or other content restrictions. However, some of these settings do
not automatically revert back to the old settings right away, which can be frustrating for adults
searching for more mature content. Another possibility is to use settings on your computer,
laptop or smart phone to set Web restrictions to prohibit access to certain sites.

Email/Text

It is very easy to send quick messages these days. Some of these messages in the form of
email or texts include attachments. Inform your child that they should not open messages with

attachments unless they know the sender. Most email services allow restrictions to be placed
on recipients and content with attachments. Settings can be adjusted with age. Many cell phone
companies allow parents to see all text messages sent via their account each month. Additional
precautions your child should take:

• Don’t give out passwords.
• Don’t meet anyone you only know online.
• Block users who make you feel uncomfortable.

Safety Software

There is a nearly endless selection of software on the market that restricts content and keeps
parents abreast of what their children are doing online. Software that is directly related to an
user’s account, rather than the computer itself, tends to be a better choice if more than one person
uses a computer. This allows content restrictions to be varied by age. Safe Eyes and NoodleNet
are linked to program-specific accounts. Webroot Parental Controls and PC Pandora are related
to each unique Windows user.

Establish Guidelines

1. Limit Usage – Set aside a certain amount of time your child is permitted to use the computer
for homework and to access social networks to keep in touch with friends. Make firm rules that
dinner time is family time and not the time to send IMs or text friends. Be firm and try not to
make exceptions.

2. Make the Computer a Family Thing – Place the computer in an area where anybody in the
family can access it when they need to use it. This way you don’t have to hoover over your child
or barge into their room all the time. This establishes a pattern of good computer habits.

3. Use Security Features – Any device that allows access to the Internet has some form of
security settings. Make sure age-appropriate Web restrictions are set for each user. Check
browser history periodically to see what sites your child is visiting.

Tony Alvarez is a father and a computer tech who writes for broadbandcomparison.org, a site where you can learn about fibre optic broadband deals, and also compare broadband rates and values for your business or personal use.

Create Enjoyable Associations

Young children especially are often afraid of older people, particularly if they don’t spend a lot
of time around them. The aged appearance and voice of a senior citizen can come across as
scary and is often portrayed that way in television shows and movies. If your child doesn’t have
grandparents nearby, it’s important that you take the time to create pleasurable associations
regarding spending time around older people. Doing so can help ease a false sense of fear and
replace it with feelings of happiness and anticipation of the next get-together.

Take your young child to the library to listen to an older volunteer read stories. Find out if your
church or child’s school has a buddy program that pairs children with a senior citizen and take
advantage of such a program to build pleasant experiences between your child and the older
generation.

Children aren’t the only ones to benefit from an intergenerational relationship. In fact, when
children find out they can help the older people in their life, it boosts confidence, and fosters
respect and appreciation. Have your child swap planned learning time with the older person in
their life for mutual learning opportunities that help foster a strong foundation for their
relationship. The technology of today gives your child the skills to teach an older person how to
do things on the computer, while an older adult can teach your child how to play a game or do
a craft that was popular when they were young.

These types of activities build respect by giving children a firsthand experience of the
knowledge an older person can share. Community centers are an ideal place in which to seek
out or create a program that brings children and older adults together. Time spent together on
learning skills, games and activities that enrich a child’s life fosters a natural progression in the
relationship that leads to appreciation and respect.

Young children get tired and restless quickly, and so do some older adults. Random, unplanned
get-togethers can upset the schedule of an older adult, as well as that of a child. By planning
appropriately, you ensure that both your child and the older adult are ready for a get-together
and have engaging activities to keep them busy and make the time enjoyable for both.

Go for quality over quantity when planning together time. A young child’s level of activity might
initially be energizing to an older adult but hours of it can be exhausting. Conversely, an older
adult can have a calming effect on an active child, but after a while soothing can turn into
boring. Experiment with different lengths of time to see what works best. Watch for cues from
your child and the older adult to be proactive and prevent problems.

Promoting an intergenerational relationship between your child and an older adult does more
than teach your child to respect and appreciate them. It helps preserve history, opens a child’s
eyes to diversity, and expands their world in a way that no other type of friendship can.

Olivia Stanford is a lifestyle consultant and writes for dogwoodforest.com, a beautiful
assisted living atlanta facility for senior citizens of Georgia.

The rain has finally stopped here in  Cleveland and  we have had a few of days of sunshine. The sandbox in the park had a couple of days to dry up. My two younger children were itching to get themselves dirty.

My son took out the sand toys. There is one toy in particular that they have a hard time sharing. When he brought it out, I inwardly groaned, remembering all the fights the kids had over this particular pail that made a smiley face in the sand.

I thought that we need a plan and I quickly used some of the tips that I had just taught in my sibling class.

1. Name the problem:

Me: “Oh no! That smiley face pail always gives us problems. It is tough to share. Both of you always want that one first.”

2. Be positive and invite them to think of solutions:

Me:” I know we can think of a solution. I am sure if we put our heads together we can figure out how to share this toy.” Maybe we can think of some rules to help us share it.”
Sara: “I know we can each have it for 5 minutes”
Me to Mikey: “How will that work for you?”
Mikey: “No way I need more than 5 minutes!”

3. Offer choices:

Me to Mikey: Ok, you need more time than 5 minutes- how many minutes do you think you need? 5or 10 minutes?
Mikey:”10 minutes”
Me to Sara: “He needs ten minutes, will that work for you?”
Sara: “Yes.”

4. Name the problem again:

Me: “Ok, good we figured out how many minutes for each of you guys. Now the next problem is who is going to use it first. How should we figure that out?”
Sara: “He can go first, if you help me on the swings.”
Me: That sounds like a good plan. I can help you on the swings.

5. Praise children for a solution and reiterate the plan:

“I am so glad we figured out a solution. We really put our heads together. Mikey is going to go first with the sand pail while Sara and I play on the swings. After 10 minutes it will be Sara’s turn. Then after those 10 minutes we will switch again. Let’s get started!”

Crisis averted! Staying calm, positive and solution oriented is the trick to helping children to get along. To learn more on how to help your children get along buy our “How To Handle Sibling Rivalry Without Losing Your Mind”  audios.

With childhood obesity a dire threat, childhood fitness has
never been more critical. Kids who play sports not only get a healthy worko
invaluable lessons that will aid them for a lifetime. With the benefits of spo
lead fuller, more active lives and have fun in the process.

1. Sportsmanship

Children who play sports learn quickly the concept of sportsmanship. Opponents shake hands
before a match begins. Teams slap hands after a good game. The message that coaches try to
teach is to respect the other team as much as one’s own. Winning is a worthy goal, but not at
the expense of sportsmanlike conduct. Taunting, jeering, and purposefully injuring opponents
brings dishonor to any sport. Even adults sometimes get caught up in the adrenaline and the
drive to succeed, but they should be there to remind children of the importance of honor,
fairness, and fellowship with other athletes, no matter what color jersey they wear.

Martial arts students stand at attention before their instructor. They know that following
instructions and showing restraint are as important as the accuracy of their moves. Control is as
critical as strength. Children who play sports inevitably learn discipline, listening to and
following the coach’s orders. More importantly, kids develop self-discipline and learn to control
their impulses, emotions, and behavior for the greater good of the team. A basketball player
may instinctively hog the ball, but with discipline, he learns to pass if it means a teammate has
a better shot at making the basket.

Pushing oneself to the limit. Giving it one’s all. These are the attributes of sports fitness. Any
child who joins a team learns to strengthen her body and mind to achieve physical greatness.
No soccer or basketball player can run up and down the field without a high degree of fitness. It
takes practice, dedication, and determination to build up endurance and strength. The health
benefits to children are long-lasting; kids who push themselves athletically when they are
young are more likely to be healthy as adults.

There is no “I” in team. A team is only as strong as its weakest link. Children hear these
expressions and realize that teamwork is one of the most important aspects of any sport. Each
player must give it his best and pull his own weight. Children learn valuable communication
skills when they discuss plays and interact verbally and physically on the field. A team cannot
succeed with only one or two players carrying the rest. There will always be stronger players.
To build a truly great team, though, every member has to show up and demonstrate a

reasonable amount of skill and competency.

5. How to Graciously Handle Wins and Losses

No one likes a sore winner any more than a sore loser. Both are equally offensive. Kids want to
win, and it is what their coaches and parents encourage them to do. However, more important
than winning is being gracious however the game turns out. Crying or refusing to congratulate
the other team are not only childish behaviors, but also unsportsmanlike. Likewise, winners
who crow excessively and lord it over the losing side disgrace themselves. It is up to the adults
to remind children to be gracious; that means parents in the sidelines should refrain from
arguing with the ref, booing, and abusing the opposing team. Children learn from example.

Children who participate in sports learn virtues and qualities that will help them in their adult
lives. Honesty, integrity, and fair play extend to the adult world as much as the sports field.

Author Johnny Patterson is a big fan of Junior
Hockey and writes for US Junior Hockey
News, a forum for the latest breaking news and announcements from across the United
States.

The growth of a child is incredibly important. Parents invest time, money and
energy in making sure that their children are growing mentally, emotionally and
physically in the proper manner. There are a number of resources that are
available to help parents track and monitor the development of their children.
Early childhood development is extremely important for number of reasons. The
ability to know if a child is developing at a normal pace is very important in
order to identify any possible problems such as autism. Parents of young
children should note a number of different factors when they are trying to
monitor their children’s progression. Taking the time to notice even the
smallest things about a child’s development can ensure that children are
receiving the proper stimulation and if necessary help for any issues.

For parents, particularly those that are new to raising children, there are a
number of resources available to help with the monitoring of a child’s
development. One of the best resources is the family physician or the child’s
pediatrician. This individual is core to analyzing how a child is developing and
if there are any issues that need to be addressed. Oftentimes, when parents are
concerned about such issues as their children not speaking, not listening to
what is being said or an issue with physical growth, the pediatrician is one of
the first people that is consulted. Pediatricians are experts on early childhood
development and can be of great assistance to parents that have some concerns
about their children. Parents should not hesitate to consult with their child’s
pediatrician if they feel as if there is a developmental delay. The sooner such
issues are addressed the better able a child can be assisted.

There also a number of resources that are available throughout the Internet.
There are many organizations that cater to providing parents with information in
regards to early childhood development. These resources can be very informative
and can assist parents in understanding where their children should be
developmentally by a certain age. It is very important to understand that
children do develop differently. However, they are certain characteristics that
are applicable to children at certain ages. Such developmental features as fine
motor skills, the ability to talk and social integration are very important.
There are a variety of websites and forums where parents can locate information
pertaining to childhood development. Furthermore, the forums that are available
allow parents to discuss amongst themselves any problems and concerns and to
pose questions that other parents may be able to answer.

Watching a child steadily growing as a person is in an amazing experience for
any parent. Making sure that children are developing in the proper manner is
very important in order to identify any issues that can possibly be rectified
while the child is still impressionable and able to be treated. Also, knowing
that a child is developing in a manner that is conducive to healthy growth
provides parents with peace of mind. It is highly recommended that parents
become very proactive when it comes to the growth and development of their
children.

Questions seem to be a popular technique that parents use when communicating with their children. As a parent educator I was always trained to be careful when questioning children because we parents will use questions to:

Admonish our children:

“Why do you always have to give me a problem when you get into the car?”

Initiate conversations:

“How was school?”

Undermine A Child’s Feelings:

“Why are you getting angry, its no big deal?” “What are you getting so excited for, its not like I am asking you to clean the whole house, just your room?”

 Criticize:

“Why are you wearing that?”

Motivate:

“Don’t you want to do your homework now instead of waiting for the last minute?”

 Control:

“What time are you going? Who is going with you? Do you think this is a good idea? When will you be back? Who is driving?”

I think you get the picture. Children become confused and overwhelmed when they are asked many questions. They find even the simplest questions to be intrusive and annoying. Often they close down, refusing to communicate.

So is there ever a time when we can question our kids?

As a speech therapist I was trained to only ask open-ended questions as opposed to close ended questions. This technique is used in many fields, education, counseling, mediation, and journalism.

According to mediacollege.com, an open-ended question is designed to encourage a full, meaningful answer using the subject’s own knowledge and/or feelings. It is the opposite of a closed-ended question, which encourages a short or single-word answer. Hence, the reason why kids will not talk to us when we say, “So, what did you do in school today?” Open-ended questions also tend to be more objective and less leading than closed-ended questions.

Open-ended questions typically begin with words such as “Why” and “How”, or phrases such as “Tell me about…”. Often they are not technically a question, but a statement which implicitly asks for a response and helps promote conversation.

For example, instead of asking:

“Why do you always have to give me a problem when you get into the car?”

Ask:

“Can you tell me the best way for you to get into the car?”

Instead of:

“How was school?”

Say:

“Tell me a little about your new math teacher, I hear he has a new way of teaching algebra.”

Instead of:

“Why are you getting angry, its no big deal?”

Ask:

“Can you give me an idea of why you sound so frustrated about cleaning your room?”

Instead of:

“Why are you wearing that?”

Try:

“Can you tell me if there is a dress code for this event?”

Instead of:

“Don’t you want to do your homework now instead of waiting for the last minute?”

Try:

“Can you tell me your plans for getting your homework done tonight?”

Instead of:

“What time are you going? Who is going with you? Do you think this is a good idea? When will you be back? Who is driving?”

Ask:

“I am concerned about your schedule tonight. Can you give me a minute to let me know, time of departure, the friends going with you, designated driver and when you will be home?”

Talking effectively to kids can take a lot of patience and practice. Asking the right questions can help.

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As a parent you have many obstacles to face. You become completely responsible for a whole new life. As your child grows, you as a parent grow also. The one obstacle that almost every parent faces is how to keep up with your new bundle of needy joy. Raising your energy level is not only important but required to assure you don’t fall behind. If you have a plan to keep your energy at a healthy level, you can chase the little ones around all day and still feel great. There are a few things to consider when maintaining your energy level.

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Exercise:
It may sound confusing; how can exerting energy help you increase your energy? Studies show exercise is actually very important for maintaining your energy level. Try beginning every day with a small routine before the little ones get up. If that is not possible, then try to sneak some personal time for yourself when they nap. Not every new parent can make it to the gym each day so small routines at home can help keep your energy levels rising.

Diet:
This is where it gets tricky. Many new mothers are all over the place with cravings and aversions. Add to that the fact that most new mothers decide to breastfeed their baby. That means that she has to be concerned with the way the baby reacts to her diet. Careful consideration of what to ingest should always be taken.

In a fast food, energy drink, quick fix world, what you eat and drink are not always the best. With new parents short on time and energy, they don’t make an effort to prepare healthier meals. This is an important time to start. Keeping a healthy diet will not only give your newborn the nutrients needed to grow strong and healthy, but it can also keep your energy levels at their prime.

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Choose foods with natural sugars. Try trading the morning cup of coffee for an apple. Studies show an apple in the morning can wake you up better than a cup of your favorite brew, and won’t give you the caffeine crash later. Choose foods high in Vitamin C as it allows your body to absorb more Iron, which in turns brings more oxygen to your blood and gives you a natural energy boost.

Supplements:
The word supplements scares many who do not understand exactly what they are. With companies categorizing diet pills and energy drinks as supplements, most stay away from them all together. Supplements however, are a way to give your body what it’s lacking from improper diet. The store shelves are now lined with natural supplements that can bring you back to life to follow your diapered speed demon around. Before starting a supplement regiment, consult your doctor if you are breastfeeding.

Check the labels before taking supplements. Try to avoid any supplement that includes caffeine or processed sugars. Some all natural supplements such as guarana, echinacea, spirulina, and garlic can boost your energy and keep you healthy enough to enjoy the joys of parenthood. Based on your needs, your doctor can suggest a regiment that would be right for you.

Being a parent can be draining. In a world where everything seems to be on fast forward, new parents can crash and burn quickly. Eating properly, exercising and getting on a supplemental regiment can give you the fuel your body needs to make every moment with your child a blissful memory. Take the time to plan your day, meals and routine so you don’t miss out on the wonder your child can bring to your life.