Comments on: A Follower, Not a Leader

By: Katie Mandel

Katie Mandel — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 22:36:03 +0000

I think the main point is that children should be the leaders of their own individuality, rather than being the followers of what is considered in society as “typical” behavior and thoughts. I also agree that it’s ok to be a follower, but when children fear the scorn of the majority for being different they begin to lose thier control over thier individualism. If children are the leaders of themselves, they will have the confidence to express their ideas.

By: Faye Bennett

Faye Bennett — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 16:53:58 +0000

Thank you. Our Cub Scout pack had a meeting last night and one of points of our discussion was on this topic. In every society, organization, clug or group, there will always be leaders and followers. We can all learn to be both at different times in order to truely appreciates both sides. I appreciate this discussion. I’ve leaned so much from all of you. Thank you all.

Faye

By: christian parenting

christian parenting — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 15:48:57 +0000

Probably this is the stage that our children undergo. My daughter went through the same thing when she was around 7 or 8 years old. What I did was to just talk to her and lead her to make her own decisions and do not depend on me and other kids around her. And gladly I’m a proud mom that she has grown to be a respectful and obedient daughter.

Thanks for sharing this to us…

Cheers, Eva

By: Sharon

Sharon — Wed, 27 May 2009 16:07:27 +0000

Following is okay as long as the leader is a good/safe/responsible leader. One of the “mistakes” we make as parents is unintentionally training out kids to look to others for their self esteem. We tell them they are good. We rarely teach them to recognize their own goodness. How can we do this?
When a child does something where we would normally say “wow you did a great job” we can instead say “I bet you’re proud of yourself for doing such a good job” with reinforcement the child begins to be able to be pround of their own decisions and accomplishments they don’t need others approval. Will they still follow the pack – probably but only as far as and for as long as the pack is behaving in a way that the child can continue to feel good about themselves based on what they are doing and thinking not on what the ringleader is saying. That is a healthy follower!

By: Vicki

Vicki — Thu, 21 May 2009 06:20:32 +0000

Wow thanks to Tina’s reply – that is an awesome way to look at it. My son is 9 and is so placid that he will do anything that is asked of him (except homework hee hee) and i sometimes wish he had a little more fight in him. I know that he will probably not become top of the class or headboy because of his personality but i do know that he is loved by everyone with whom he meets because he is so easy going and friendly. I love my boy!

By: Bev

Bev — Thu, 21 May 2009 03:01:38 +0000

There is absolutely nothing wrong in being a “follower” at 8 years old.
Just make sure his activities are with people,young and old, that have good moral character. My children all turned out extremely well because they had good coaches and good club leaders and great Sunday School teachers.
God created each of us in his image. And when we look into a mirror we should see “love”.
Sometimes parents just worry way too much that their kids are not “leaders.” I am sorry to say that too many times this gets translated to the child that they are lacking. The dis approval they feel sometimes sends them to the “bad crowds” where they can get approval. So watch the message you are sending to your kids!
We need followers. Not everyone is to be a leader. The trick is to get your kids to follow the good examples that you have set for them.
Give the kids a break!

By: Jo-Anne Layton

Jo-Anne Layton — Wed, 20 May 2009 21:35:29 +0000

Excellent idea Florie! And so are the others.

- ‘Critical Thinking Ability’ is a term I have heard to describe analysis of situations /actions and outcome.

- Encouraging /educating ourselves & children to assess Feelings, Facts, and possible-likely-unlikely Outcomes, is time well spent.

- Discuss ‘WHAT IF’ scenarios: “If (trouble) happens when you are with the guys at the Mall tonight, what will you do? Why? What happened last time? What could happen? What are some of your alternatives? (“Plan B?”).

When discussing activity plans with children, always try to assess THEIR feelings & ideas first, before Neutrally inserting your own – that way you know Where your child’s thinking is at to begin with, and where they need additional insight /boundaries set, etc.

** Children whose feelings / self-worth are not validated in other areas of their life may have difficulty trusting their instincts & feelings in peer situations. **

By: jenny

jenny — Wed, 20 May 2009 20:21:43 +0000

very good article. I have 5 years old son, and he was so much into lego.
recently, he no longer show the same interest on lego because he discovered that
non of his friends are good in lego. I keep wondering how/what to talk to him about it. now i have a tool to handle this.
Thanks a lot.

By: Florie

Florie — Wed, 20 May 2009 19:34:40 +0000

If you have neighbors or friends with younger children, put your child in charge of teaching them something new, playing a game with them, or even just hanging out together having fun. A child may feel insecure with other children their age or older but really shine as leaders with younger children.

By: Jo Ella McIntosh

Jo Ella McIntosh — Wed, 20 May 2009 19:33:25 +0000

I too, appreciate this information. My husband and I were having a conversation about this very thing just the other night concerning our 6 year-old. Thanks so much for publishing this. Now, we are able to “have some tools in our belts” as well.

By: TIna

TIna — Wed, 20 May 2009 19:23:37 +0000

Where would we be if the world was filled with leaders? I do not see your son as a follower, nor a people pleaser. I see your son as a supporter of energy. He is able to step in and support those around him. I would be more apt to guide him in trusting his inner voice so that he can choose if a situation or person is what he wants to support. Does he have the inner wisdom to guide himself in knowing when his work is done and it’s time to move and support another. Within these relationships, he will discover more of who he is. He may do years of research or support work/play before he has acquired enough information to step out front and lead in a “new way”… a “supportive way”. Many blessings to him and to you. Trust him… that he is on his path… there is so much for you to learn from his path. smiles, Tina

By: Emily

Emily — Wed, 20 May 2009 18:47:53 +0000

THANK YOU for this information. I, too, have an 8-year-old son who follows many but leads few. I carry the same burden of “will he follow the bad boys” and appreciate having some tools in my belt to help him succeed. Keep up the wonderful work.