Comments on: Freedom!

By: Elaina

Elaina — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 02:43:32 +0000

Some labels are wonderful for children to ‘become’. I love to call my students “ladies” and “gentlemen” instead of just boys and girls. There is a certain expectation that comes with these labels that allow children the freedom to choose those behaviors. I favor this approach over listing all the things I expect from them over and over and over….How often have you praised your children (whether they deserved it or not and they accepted that praise and then “earned” it? The best labels we can give are children are those that help them to make good choices. Talented, creative, thoughtful, compassionate, gentle, loving, persistent, courageous,
And don’t forget to fill them up with reminders of who they REALLY are: loved, precious, unique, ours!
I’m sure you could add many to list; I could go on and on. What a great topic!!!

By: leelameher

leelameher — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 07:54:16 +0000

thank you for taking me back to my childhood i will make it point not to label my children. now that my daghter who is 18 years old is going for her proffesional course in mumbai, india.like to know how i can help her in facing loneliness etc, as she will be living alone for the first time.every suggestion of yours is very valuable to me

By: Esther

Esther — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 06:40:11 +0000

What an important insight. Well done, Ellen, for the wonderful work u r doing for parenting! Sometimes we can live with labels without even questioning them until (of we are lucky) we get a wake up call which makes us look at our lives. I hope your email reaches many people to help them do just that, as we need personal insight before we can help our kids in the same way. As one of your readers just commented - we are not perfect, but we want our kids to be! This striving for perfection is the root of many problems. A mantra to direct further thinking on this could be ACCEPTANCE.

By: Debora

Debora — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 01:24:58 +0000

Wow, what an eye opener. I can’t wait for my husband to read it as he sometimes makes “labels,” on our sons. He’s the athletic one and he is the “artys,” one. I really don’t like that and let him know that it is not healthy. They did that to me when I was little and it took a lifetime to get over it, but I did.
Thanks for making me aware and keeping us in track.

By: Debra

Debra — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 00:29:40 +0000

A lot of us parents label our kids, weather it’s being sarcastic, curious if they’ll always be like that, or wondering what they might do/like next. It’s all in being interested about our kids when they’re growing up. We all want what is best, some of us just might take it a bit too far. As we always say, where not perfect,we just try to make are kids that way LOL!

I tend to label my daughter (3yrs) a little regarding her personality “drama queen.” which is fine by me ,a lot of entertainment let me tell you! As long as she’s a nice well rounded person, it’s all good.

By: Holly

Holly — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:43:13 +0000

Another thought provoking piece, thanks, Ellen! Being a single parent of a teenage boy, I struggle between MY “idea” of what he should be doing and hopes I have for my son and the reality, which is what HE is interested in doing and learning. It’s really hard to kind of sit back and let him go.

Mother of Bryan, 16 yrs.

By: Alicia

Alicia — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:13:25 +0000

SOMETIMES THE ROLES WE ARE LABELED WITH AREN’T ALL THAT BAD- BUT MAKE IT HARD FOR US TO BE SEEN AS ANYTHING DIFFERENT. I HAVE A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR AND WAS LABELED “CLASS CLOWN” IN GRAMMAR SCHOOL. IT CONTINUED INTO HIGH SCHOOL AND INTO ADULTHOOD. I SOON REALIZED THAT I USED HUMOR TO HIDE OTHER FEELINGS OR TO “LAUGH AWAY” UNCOMFORATBLE SITUATIONS. BUT FOR THE MOST PART I LIKE BEING THE GOOFY ONE. THE ONLY TIME IT’S KIND OF A DRAG IS WHEN I AM TRYING TO BE SERIOS AND PEOPLE DON’T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. I HAVE TRIED NOT TO GIV EMY CHILDREN LABELS AND LET THEM DEVELOP INTO WELL-ROUNDED PEOPLE. I TRY TO TELL THEM HOW SPECIAL EACH ONE IS.
MOM OF 5- FROM 24 TO 5

By: Chantilly

Chantilly — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:20:24 +0000

I learned early in life that Freedom is not Free. Most people stay in bondage because example “being label” and do not know who they really are, nor how to let it go and move on. Therefore they remain bounded to things or people that they may not like to be so they do not experience freedom. It was hard just being label an African American Child to an Alcoholic and to a Single Mother. To be told that you will be just like the rest of the African American Mothers in this world, single, on welfare trying to raise children by yourself with no education. I beg you different was my thought. I knew that this label would not be me by any means necessary, but being the lable still hurt me because I did see a lot of young people allowing themselves to be labeled. I learned and decided early in life to move pass the pain and disappointment and follow God and walk through what God had for me. I was willing to let everything and everybody go and fully committed myself to God in order to be free from any situation that may kept be bounded. FAITH means to never look back, continue to look forward to what God has created for us to be. If it is being a singer be the best singer, dancer be the best dancer, and etc. I want to leave you with this The only one who was sinless put Himself as a slave for us in order or us to be slaves to Him in order to be FREE!

By: Beth

Beth — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 12:37:58 +0000

Thanks for the insight. I have been sitting here thinking how I may be impacting my 13 year old daughter and 12 year old son, both excellent students, one outgoing and on the go, the son who is a homebody and does not want to venture out. I appreciate both of them but wonder if I am saying things to keep them in these roles. My daughter can’t be busy enough (in very healthy ways, sports, babysitting, camp counselor, etc). My son loves to be at home on his skateboard or on his bike and doesn’t want to go anywhere like the beach, the store, the movies. very interesting and thanks for opening this door of thought about roles.

By: Phyllis Becker

Phyllis Becker — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 04:39:59 +0000

My 10 and 12 year old daughters introduce themselves as ’she’s the dancer’, I’m the singer’. It jars me everytime as the dancer sings quite well but won’t do so and the singer, who doesn’t sing all that well but takes voice lessons, acts like she has two left feet when dancing. They are equally talented/untalented but seem to like defining themselves which I try not to encourage…Now I don’t know whether I’m handling it right or not…Of course this carris over to other areas, the neat and the scattered, the creative and the follower..Not easy when you realize it impacts the rest of their lives!

By: Julie R.

Julie R. — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 03:39:21 +0000

Thank you again for being a huge source of support for parents. There is always something helpful in your articles and information.

By: Angela

Angela — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:05:32 +0000

Isn’t it great that we can all get some insight from eachother! I love this site for that reason. I learn things from all of you so often too! My daughter is 7 and my son is 2 and I can see so much of myself in my daughter, but I am allowing her the “freedoms” I was not allowed, ie, being messy (to an extent) and being creative and having a voice of her own. She inspires me to no end at her level of compassion and love for all! My son is a force of his own. Not nearly as gentle the soul my little brother was. He is not easily swayed, so my daughter does not “get to” be “boss” like I was at her age! haha!

By: Beth

Beth — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:44:17 +0000

How very true this is! My sisters and I were definitely labeled and it has taken me many years into my adult life to learn that there are other “hats” that I wear very well! But even though I am aware that these things happened to me as a child, you just opened my eyes to the perspective that I am doing this, although to a lesser degree, to my 2 daughters (ages 11 & 4.) Thank-you for this very timely and accurate posting!
Beth

By: Angela

Angela — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:42:43 +0000

I too was the older child, responsible for my younger brother and very organized. My love of playing with him gave me the love of becoming a Teacher and Stay At Home Mom! However, I was also labeled as the “non-student” “non-leader”…but I did finish college and did pave my own road of choices. I am ever so conscious not to put the same labels on my daughter and younger son. Although I am sure I will make mistakes too, I will be willing to go to therapy with them and take responsibility.

By: Amber

Amber — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:49:54 +0000

Thank you for the inspiring thoughts… there is always so much for me to think about on this site!

Amber, mom to Michael 7, and Rose, 14 months

By: Ali

Ali — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:17:35 +0000

I can totally relate to being lumped into a role. I was always the organized one (being that I had 4 brothers!) and my parents depended on me being organized so much that I did not get to express my creativity until much later in my adult life. For better or worse, that’s how my childhood was, but I’m going to be really careful not to stereotype my daughter, Eva, who is 4.5 and very good at using her imagination!