You can print the page using the File -> Print commands in your browser, although it won’t be perfectly formatted. The easiest thing, I think, is to just copy and paste the article into a program like Word, and print from there. Please let me know if I can help further.

Maybe some advice on how to handle the letting go part, while she lies about details when we do let her out.

When I say “What are you going to do to make things right,” I expect my child to impose a reasonable consequence on himself. I am not advocating, “I am sorry” is enough. He is going to consequences himself to my satisfaction.

The underlying philosophy of “asking children” is:
1) “You created this problem and you are going to accept the responsibility for fixing it.”
2) If I (the parent) decide on the appropriate consequence I risk it would lead to arguing, rebellion and disconnection. As I have said, our power with our teens is in the relationship.
3) More often than not teens are harder on themselves than we would be.

Alan

You set clear expectations and this 18-year old is testing the limits. He is not respecting the boundaries,and therefore has not earned the privilege of living in your home. You have to take care of yourself and not be an enabler. If he continues to live with you I predict things will only become more stressful for you. He is clearly not appreciative.

Alan

I agree Marie. Tweens and teens like to maintain their standard of living, but your son needs to earn it– you cannot just give him what he wants with the hope that your kindness will cause him to be appreciative. We have to earn the respect of teens by being authoritative parents. Trust needs to be earned and your son is not earning it.

Alan

You are exactly right that in the “real” world they will not be treated to the luxury of understanding and led to the correct choice. In the work place, they are expected to have already been given the tools needed to make correct choices and the work ethic to do a good job. Those lessons happen in YOUR HOME. In a good home, it happens with the compassion and love that only a parent has for a child. There are times when consequences are a necessary part of parenting, but giving your child the capacity to make correct decisions for himself/herself rather than expecting them to make good decisions based on fear of bad consequences is the pure essence of good parenting and is in NO WAY contradictory to the “Creator’s book” whose main message is LOVE.

Often, I believe it may be all the chaos my son is surrounded by in this unconscious culture; microwave towers, satellites, computers, x-boxes and violent games and movies routines played by most others around him. Peer pressure imposed mainly by his schooled friends whom dominate this urban area we live in, lack of nature, never enough exercise for a growing, testosterone-injected Aries male and very few individuals whom share our Eastern yogic idealogy that I have raised him with.

I know that the happier we are as people and parents, the more well adjusted our children will routinely be. A relaxed child is the easiest to deal with, especially during puberty and all its myriad of mystical changes. Therefore, I do my best to do for myself what I expect him to learn to do for himself.

Keeping a conscious connection is of uppoermost value. The other day I discovered that my son and his friend had been on the laptop and looked up porn and its many facets, thereof. I was absolutely shocked, outraged and a million other fearful feelings. We had a discussion that day and another talk a couple of days later. Seems his very innocent school pals, whom he has since dropped, kept on obsessing over porn; continually mentioning it in my sons company, where they once not so long ago, would have been playing, while at the playground and at home trading Yo-Gi-Yo cards. My son is of course, curious. Too many times prodded, he succumbed. What next?

Many fears can come up as we raise our children. I find that I am constantly triggered and can easily find my son to be my worst and only abuser. Not a good situation. Being a victim serves no one. So we consciously converse. I am honest. And, I see that my once so very aware son seems half asleep most of the time. It is very challenging, to say the least.

Parents need to talk more, amongst themselves and with each other. Sometimes I feel like a freak because I have no one to converse with concerning the daily delimna’s that arise on a daily basis. Loving myself never mattered more. Staying centered is far easier to do when you first take care of yourself; allowing you to look after that second beloved being better than if one forgets about the person and parent who must come first.

Simply touching base on the subject that this society hides behind closed doors and seriously needs to devote more space in all of our loving lives to; in order to keep our families together and save all of our lives worth living!

Thank you for this fabulous forum and for your valuable information.

Gratefully,

Katherine

Reminding them of our positive role modeling might be appropriate, but actions have consequences, whether good or bad. Do you expect their future employer to say, “I’ve provided a decent work place for you, compensated you for the work you’ve done, etc., yet you lied to me about saying you were sick when really you wanted to go to the mall with your friends. I then had to inconvenience someone else by asking them to work an extra shift (or whatever), what are you going to do to restore relationships around here? I don’t think so.

I also have told them that nothing in the parenting manual has ever said that they should be provided a car or a college education. They are saving their money. )