Nice Post… do you know what is the first? Maybe You can se My Post Here

Then, it was time to go home…..WELL He started with the screaming at the top of his lungs. Me saying “Its time to go now we had a fun time and now we will go home for some nice lunch and a bath, we can come back another time” ” I know you really like this place and your disappointed at going home” “Breath it’s O.K we can come back another time. After this and much more talking. We finally got to the car and it started again.
He refused to get in the car it took about 10mins of wrestling to get the child restrains on. We all got in the car and started the drive home 10 mins only thank goodness. With him screaming all the way.

My sister by this stage had had enough. I was exhausted. My other son had his eyes shut and ears covered. I was driving and all of a sudden my sister starts screaming too. Very loudly while I had stopped at a traffic light. (I know very dangerous, I don’t recommend it) But the tantrum thrower, stopped and yelled “No Tantrums, No Tantrums” and my sister then stopped and said “That’s Right, No tantrums” There was silence all the rest of the way home.

I’d like to say he never had tantrums any more but that would not be true. I would always remove him and me from church and shopping centres etc. During that time I was a nervous wreak but putting on a brave face. Finally they stopped just before his 3rd Birthday. I can laugh about it now but then it felt like it would never end. The only thing that kept me sane was reading “Diapers,Pacifiers and Other Holy Things” Words of encouragement for mothers of Preschooler. On the back cover it reads
For every mother who has cried out to God that she no longer has time to spend with Him

Every mother who needs to be reminded that she is valuable.

Every mother who wants to laugh or cry over the ups and downs of life with preschoolers.

Every mother who enjoys her children and responsibilities, but just needs a break. It will inspire you to walk more closely with your God.

I learned a lot from my children just as much as they leaned from me. We all made mistakes and everyone is perfect just the way they are. There are life lessons everywhere and we all have and are creating our stories. Great stories that we all share. I love reading others stories. I hope mine gives made you laugh. My son loves me telling this story.

God Bless

Yesterday he actually called me stupid after he had a tantrum at a store, and I quietly called it quits, & I quietly walked out of the store, as he cried because I took a toy away (that consisted of a gun in it-that we do not allow in the house, which he knows, but he wanted anyway). It was a gift-card birthday gift shopping outing, that we’d been looking for for quite some time. He couldn’t decide, but I was giving him a sufficient amount of time to chose what he wanted.

So my question is, when he calls me names, what is an appropriate response, and appropriate amount of down time for him. I have explained to, not yelled at, him why he should not call names, but when he gets hungry, and/or tired, this seems to raise his head.

thank you!

My sone has severe ADHD, as do I. I do not consider it an excuse for poor behavior. I will cuddle him, kiss him, and lavish words of encouragement and reassurance on him. “NO” with love and a hug (and perhaps a reminder of the rule) works MUCH better than a harsh “I SAID NO!! I MEAN IT!! YOU BETTER STOP, MISTER!!”, etc., which I hear echoing through grocery stores. I gotta ask myself, “Who’s the adult, here???”

From the time he was born, I have always attended to his every need. However, this has evolved in parallel to what he could understand. As soon as he understood the difference between “want” and “need”, I made it clear that while I would look after his needs, I would not attend to ALL his wants.

At ehe same time, I established a rule that if he cried to get his way OR argued, REAGARDLESS of what he was begging, crying, or arguing for, HE WOULD NOT GET IT. There a re many heart-breaking instances where I wanted to give him what he was begging for. Instead, in a calm voice I would say “Oh.. that’s so sad. Since you’re crying to get your way, I can’t POSSIBLY give you the toy”.

His attempts to manipulate are few and far between now — and only occur now when he is extremely tired. When a child is extremely tired, all bets are off. The only merciful solution (to ALL involved) is to let that child get some much-needed sleep.

Not a perfect parent BY FAR, but I’m filled with gratitude when I hear so many people compliment my son on his excellent behavior in public. It encourages me that one day he’ll be successful on his own!!!

We have tried time outs, putting her into her room, all the various approaches described by others above (i.e. talking to her calmly, hugging her, trying to emphathize with her, suggesting that she must express herself respectfully, ignoring her, taking away things etc.) but somehow, nothing seems to work with her! There are times when she’s clearly tired, or isn’t feeling well due to a cold or whatever, so fine, we try to be extra patient since even adults can be pretty short-tempered when they’re not feeling their best. But, where does that leave us the rest of the time? Just the last week alone there have been at least 3 days where it seemed we went from one tantrum/argument with her to the next, almost non-stop, punctuated only by the moments that our 2-yr old chimed in with his own hissies!!! They entire day was miserable for the entire family.

We have tried reasoning with her calmly after the “storm has passed” to discuss with her how counterproductive irrational, irrespectful behaviour is, to try to find out what she’s feeling when she goes off the rails - but it is clearly not getting through to her - goes in one ear and out the other and we can’t seem to get past any of it. It just starts all over again the next time. We’ve even had to cancel plans for going out on occasion (shopping, to a restaurant, etc.) because she threw such a huge fit while getting dressed.

Increasingly, I’m starting to fly off the handle - behaving almost as irrationally, it seems, as my daughter, because I’m so frustrated at simply not being able to diffuse the situation calmly, like everyone else seems to be able to do in their comments above! And of course, I know that’s entirely wrong - having the situation escalate into a screaming match is wholly inappropriate, but so often it seems that there’s little else we can do, since we can’t always reason with her!

Is there any hope for us? Will this ever end?

What every parent needs to remember, although it worked for me, is not all kids are the same and the same method may not work for all of their children. In the work that I do, I appreciate all of the input so I can pass it on. I do not always agree that punishment is the answer to the fits, but sometimes that is all that works.

Every child needs to also learn that no one adult does the same thing either. When the kids start school, they are in a whole new situation and new rules. They need to be reminded that they are to follow rules for each adult and learn that fits are unacceptable anywhere that they are. Believe me, the first time that they throw a fit in front of all the kids in their class and they are made fun of, they will stop.

Parents be happy with your children, and protect them. Explaination of why you are not giving into their whims will help out a lot. Grant they will still be mad, but they will respect you more than if you just say “NO!” Be consistent and they will grow up happy with themselves and their relationship with you.

The child is going to try out the trantrum theory at some point. By being asked to calm down first they child will learn that he will not be acknowledged until such time. It does not mean the child has achieved his objective at all.

Secondly yes, as per post #111, yes the world is full of authority figures, and the child has to respect that. However, would you like to be told what to do by your husband/boss/co-workers every single second of your life. If you were constantly being directed,you too would lash out.
I think you mis read the suggestions given.

Children are not born manipulative, they do test their boundaries and the hard part for a parent is to be patient throughout the boundary implementation and testing stages.
They article provided was a suggestion to do just that.

The part that stands out the most to me is to assume the child is your neighbours child. It is sad, but I do find myself at times being more polite, respectful, and showing more patience towards outsiders and strangers than i do towards my husband and children.

Children do understand the idea of authority at a very young age. To say that they do not understand this would be an insult to their intelligence. It is important that we handle them in a loving but firm manner as so many of you have stated.

It is also important to remember that the world is full of authority figures: parents, teachers, scout leaders, coaches, bosses, etc. Children must learn respect for authority figures, and parents set the standard for that. If they “win” too many battles through tantrums, they are likely to struggle with authority figures throughout their lives. This will often cause them to live life in a uphill battle. (I am not saying children shouldn’t think for themselves, but that is really another topic.)They still need to learn respect, and when a child throws a tantrum in order to “win”, it is not respectful.

I have two children 13 and 20. My oldest is an extremely Strong-willed child. The suggestions made regarding “bear hugging” a child until the tantrum is over really worked with him. He finished his tantrum without hurting himself or anyone else, did not throw or damage things (destruction of property is never acceptable, even during a tantrum), and knew that he was being loved because I took the time (15 minutes to an hour) to hold him. I did not say anything to him and avoided showing my frustration (Lots of prayer) as much as possible. When he finished, he always broke down in a quiet gentle sob. I explained briefly that his behavior was “not nice” and that he would not ever get what he wanted by acting that way. He always said he was sorry. I was very careful to let him know that I loved him very much while giving him a hug.

I agree with those who stated that removing a child to a nonpublic area such as a bedroom or a vehicle works very well with many children.

I would like to add that as parents we need to remember that when we are in a public setting, although our children come first, we still need to be considerate of those around us. For example, allowing a child to throw a fit in a restaurant and continue on until they “burn out” is not appropriate. Those who go such places need peace and quiet with their friends/family as much as anyone. A restroom or vehicle is a better place for an outlet. And please do not go home in the middle of a meal or other activity unless your child wants to stay and the disciplinary action is to leave. I have a number of friends who leave as soon as their child throws a fit,then suddenly the child is happy. They can never go anywhere without the child being in charge of how long they stay and/or whether they accomplish their task (ex: grocery shoppin) or meal in peace. A child cannot learn anything positive from this.

You’ve GOT to be Kidding was right on in stating that manipulation is a form of problem solving.

Taking the time to be firm and set boundaries will not break our children’s spirits. In fact, having specific ways of handling things so we cut down on the chaos actually provides security.

My 20 year is still very strong-willed. Very! Fortunatly, we have been able to train him to use that strong will for good. He sticks with things when others give up. He is very self confident and has been blessed with leadership abilities while treating others with kindness.

Although I am very proud of how he has turned out so far and how my daugther is doing thus far, let me say that the most important reason is not because my husband and I claim perfection in any way, but because through much prayer, God has brought our son to where he is today.

If you do nothing else, pray for your children and pray for yourselves as parents.

Sounds like good advice. we’ll try it.