Comments on: How To End Temper Tantrums http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/ Timeless Parenting Advice for Toddlers through Teenagers Thu, 10 May 2012 05:16:16 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Abby http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-55896 Abby Fri, 01 Jul 2011 03:28:10 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-55896 this goes to Vicky, I have 2 daughters and my oldest which is now 9 is and was the same way your little one is. I noticed there was a problem when she started K4. The EXACT same things happened, even down to the crocs. EVERYTHING you described was the same and sadly it will stay same because that is who she is, I just have to adjust to it, (which is the HARDEST thing I have ever done) today, things are better because when she was 7, I finally took her in to the doctors and asked them what do I do?? I can't do this anymore! She advised me that she see a therapist and be on some medication, 1st I was completely against this but after much thought a realized I read all the right books and did all the right things, that this was the last thing I had to try, so I went to hear what they had to say and still it was my choice to follow through or not. After, the visit & much prayer, my husband & I decided that we should go ahead & try it. OMG!, Once she was slowly put on the medication, We could see her attitude change (for the better) and less fits, less outbreaks, less stress on myself and my husband. We have tried to take her off the medicine 2 times now and after her being slowing taken off it, we see a MAJOR difference, it's the fits all over again, over silly unimportant things all day long. as if she is 2 all over again. So as much a I was against the medication, I LOVE it now, life is a lot less stressful. I advise that you a least talk to your doctor and tell he//her your concerns and they will help you decide what they think you should do. ANYTHING is worth a shot when you feel so unsure of what to do. this goes to Vicky, I have 2 daughters and my oldest which is now 9 is and was the same way your little one is. I noticed there was a problem when she started K4. The EXACT same things happened, even down to the crocs. EVERYTHING you described was the same and sadly it will stay same because that is who she is, I just have to adjust to it, (which is the HARDEST thing I have ever done) today, things are better because when she was 7, I finally took her in to the doctors and asked them what do I do?? I can’t do this anymore! She advised me that she see a therapist and be on some medication, 1st I was completely against this but after much thought a realized I read all the right books and did all the right things, that this was the last thing I had to try, so I went to hear what they had to say and still it was my choice to follow through or not. After, the visit & much prayer, my husband & I decided that we should go ahead & try it. OMG!, Once she was slowly put on the medication, We could see her attitude change (for the better) and less fits, less outbreaks, less stress on myself and my husband. We have tried to take her off the medicine 2 times now and after her being slowing taken off it, we see a MAJOR difference, it’s the fits all over again, over silly unimportant things all day long. as if she is 2 all over again. So as much a I was against the medication, I LOVE it now, life is a lot less stressful. I advise that you a least talk to your doctor and tell he//her your concerns and they will help you decide what they think you should do. ANYTHING is worth a shot when you feel so unsure of what to do.

]]> By: catherine t http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-55704 catherine t Tue, 31 May 2011 14:24:53 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-55704 I have a eight year old who will be nine in June., I am at wits end with her screaming two year old tantrums. When i am in public and she acts this way I am embarrassed and ashamed. I honestly do not like her when she acts this way! I have her in therapy now, as she was diagnosed with anxiety disorder. I have tried the talking to my daughter while in tantrum but it does not work. Today was another morning where she had a complete meltdown, I finally got her to school and now sitting at work feeling resentment and guilt. I have a eight year old who will be nine in June., I am at wits end with her screaming two year old tantrums. When i am in public and she acts this way I am embarrassed and ashamed. I honestly do not like her when she acts this way! I have her in therapy now, as she was diagnosed with anxiety disorder. I have tried the talking to my daughter while in tantrum but it does not work. Today was another morning where she had a complete meltdown, I finally got her to school and now sitting at work feeling resentment and guilt.

]]> By: Mark http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-54554 Mark Mon, 13 Dec 2010 23:18:56 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-54554 My 8-year old, which has ADHD, is on the verge of being kicked out of the private school he has gone to since K-4. He had a hard time in K4 and K5, but started taking generic Ritalin in 1st grade. He was taking 10mil in morning and 10mil at lunch. Everything was great until this year (3rd grade). He is pushing, kicking, biting, yelling, and most disturbing to the school, so of these things involve the K4 and K5 kids. With only one week left before Christmas break and another incident, they told us that he could take his tests, but not go to the classroom with the other kids. He is proctored by the counselor. We are getting him professional help from a child psychologists and he has had two sessions with a third one next week. I could not wait so I went ahead and upped the dose from 10mil to 15mil. I think this will be the one the recommendations anyway as 10mil is a very small dose. Is two main problems are impulsive behavoir and "melting down" if he does not get his way. The impulsive behavior might be controlled by increased meds (it did wonders before), but the meltdowns are a different issue. It seems that the sentences that start with "I want" will end in a meltdown (throwing himself to the floor, crying, yelling). The school genuinely cares about our son (our daughter goes there also) and frankly does not want to lose the tuition. Even with that, they will not let him stay in school if his behavoir continues. We live on a small island with limited options to schooling. We will have to send him to public school,and while there is nothing wrong with that in general, it is not going to be a better atomsphere. Any quick fix ideas? My 8-year old, which has ADHD, is on the verge of being kicked out of the private school he has gone to since K-4. He had a hard time in K4 and K5, but started taking generic Ritalin in 1st grade. He was taking 10mil in morning and 10mil at lunch. Everything was great until this year (3rd grade). He is pushing, kicking, biting, yelling, and most disturbing to the school, so of these things involve the K4 and K5 kids. With only one week left before Christmas break and another incident, they told us that he could take his tests, but not go to the classroom with the other kids. He is proctored by the counselor. We are getting him professional help from a child psychologists and he has had two sessions with a third one next week. I could not wait so I went ahead and upped the dose from 10mil to 15mil. I think this will be the one the recommendations anyway as 10mil is a very small dose.
Is two main problems are impulsive behavoir and “melting down” if he does not get his way. The impulsive behavior might be controlled by increased meds (it did wonders before), but the meltdowns are a different issue. It seems that the sentences that start with “I want” will end in a meltdown (throwing himself to the floor, crying, yelling). The school genuinely cares about our son (our daughter goes there also) and frankly does not want to lose the tuition. Even with that, they will not let him stay in school if his behavoir continues. We live on a small island with limited options to schooling. We will have to send him to public school,and while there is nothing wrong with that in general, it is not going to be a better atomsphere. Any quick fix ideas?

]]> By: Vicki http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-53404 Vicki Thu, 04 Feb 2010 07:14:55 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-53404 Have only just got around to reading the article on preventing a temper tantrum only because it was an absolute necessity - My two-and-a-half year old son is pushing every button and boundry that he can and although i understand that it is a developmental stage that he has to work through, i am battling to keep my calm after a busy day at work. where did my gorgeous little angel go?? I am going to try your advice but i fear that by the time i manage to implement it(and get it right, he would have outgrown the stage anyway! thanks for a wonderful website Have only just got around to reading the article on preventing a temper tantrum only because it was an absolute necessity – My two-and-a-half year old son is pushing every button and boundry that he can and although i understand that it is a developmental stage that he has to work through, i am battling to keep my calm after a busy day at work. where did my gorgeous little angel go?? I am going to try your advice but i fear that by the time i manage to implement it(and get it right, he would have outgrown the stage anyway! thanks for a wonderful website

]]> By: Josephine http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-52952 Josephine Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:32:01 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-52952 How could I get my 4 year old daughter to stop yelling whinning and her tantrum all at once How could I get my 4 year old daughter to stop yelling whinning and her tantrum all at once

]]> By: sharon http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-41554 sharon Tue, 27 May 2008 17:04:21 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-41554 This stuff goes on. A young 20-something year old man broke up with his girlfriend, got drunk and rammed into a police vehicle and was shot. A tantrum? A very inappropriate way to handle his feelings and a tragedy. This stuff goes on. A young 20-something year old man broke up with his girlfriend, got drunk and rammed into a police vehicle and was shot.
A tantrum? A very inappropriate way to handle his feelings and a tragedy.

]]> By: Cindie http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-36431 Cindie Tue, 01 Apr 2008 02:51:01 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-36431 I am a grandmom with 2 DDs who were not always darlings. At 9 months old our youngest loved her Johnny jump up, until she saw her Dad pull into his parking spot out our 10 ft. by 5ft. window. By the time he walked in the door she would have crocodile tears running down her face and he would be angry that I wasn't addressing her needs. I distinctly remember us having a bitter argument and I suggested he "sneak in the back door" where she would not be able to see him park. As usual I was making supper when I heard "well I'll be damned" at which my daughter immediately produced the sobs and tears she did to get him to immediately assume she had been ignored for a long period of time. SHE WAS 9 MONTHS OLD! PLEASE REALIZE THESE CHILDREN ARE MASTERS OF GETTING WHAT THEY WANT WHEN THEY WANT! ANY WAY THEY CAN MAKE WORK FOR THEM. The same daughter is having some of the same issues I had with her, with her adopted son. I think he is an angel lol. The attention aspect of most bad behavior by our girls was fixed almost immediately if I simply got up and left the room even when they started fighting as teenagers. At first they would follow me around and try to continue the behavior, I would just leave again, they were "bright enough" to figure out I wouldn't pay attention to bad behavior. They soon figured out it was much easier to get my attention in a positive way. Oh let me tell you this was a hard learn for me I tried everything with my second child, she was a much bigger challenge than our first daughter. It was worth it as we have two wonderful, considerate, confident young ladies to show for our efforts. What ever you do be consistant! That is the best advice I ever got or give. I am a grandmom with 2 DDs who were not always darlings. At 9 months old our youngest loved her Johnny jump up, until she saw her Dad pull into his parking spot out our 10 ft. by 5ft. window. By the time he walked in the door she would have crocodile tears running down her face and he would be angry that I wasn’t addressing her needs. I distinctly remember us having a bitter argument and I suggested he “sneak in the back door” where she would not be able to see him park. As usual I was making supper when I heard “well I’ll be damned” at which my daughter immediately produced the sobs and tears she did to get him to immediately assume she had been ignored for a long period of time. SHE WAS 9 MONTHS OLD! PLEASE REALIZE THESE CHILDREN ARE MASTERS OF GETTING WHAT THEY WANT WHEN THEY WANT! ANY WAY THEY CAN MAKE WORK FOR THEM.
The same daughter is having some of the same issues I had with her, with her adopted son. I think he is an angel lol. The attention aspect of most bad behavior by our girls was fixed almost immediately if I simply got up and left the room even when they started fighting as teenagers. At first they would follow me around and try to continue the behavior, I would just leave again, they were “bright enough” to figure out I wouldn’t pay attention to bad behavior. They soon figured out it was much easier to get my attention in a positive way. Oh let me tell you this was a hard learn for me I tried everything with my second child, she was a much bigger challenge than our first daughter. It was worth it as we have two wonderful, considerate, confident young ladies to show for our efforts.
What ever you do be consistant! That is the best advice I ever got or give.

]]> By: Nataly http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-35066 Nataly Sat, 08 Mar 2008 22:28:56 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-35066 Hi Ellen! Thanks for the article...I actually started doing this a few weeks ago with a student of mine that gets these emotional outbursts in the middle of my class. The thing is, she gets angry when she doesn't do well on her tests, but during the week I'm always calling her attention because she'd rather do ANYTHING else than listen to me or do her work...even when their in groups...which she isn't in a group because she disturbs everyone in it (but I try to put her in group things when I have them working together on something). So I have her sitting by me in the front of the class. When she throws her tantrums I just ignore her and keep teaching. I tell her that I will not listen to someone who is crying and screaming for no good reason. There are times I need to send her to the office because she gets too loud. I did notice that after a while she would just stop...in my head I was like (THANK GOD!). Her mother says she is like that at home too and she's working with her, but it's hard because she doesn't speak English so therefore can't help her with h/w and they don't have $ for a tutor. We'll see how the rest of the year goes, but I read this article today and thought wow I'm doing something right! It's true, I need to do this everytime I get an outburst, just stay calm....It was a lot easier working in a private school where there were two of us in the classroom, but now having to be alone in the classroom with the same amount of students (the difference is very much felt!). Thanks for your articles!! Hi Ellen! Thanks for the article…I actually started doing this a few weeks ago with a student of mine that gets these emotional outbursts in the middle of my class. The thing is, she gets angry when she doesn’t do well on her tests, but during the week I’m always calling her attention because she’d rather do ANYTHING else than listen to me or do her work…even when their in groups…which she isn’t in a group because she disturbs everyone in it (but I try to put her in group things when I have them working together on something). So I have her sitting by me in the front of the class. When she throws her tantrums I just ignore her and keep teaching. I tell her that I will not listen to someone who is crying and screaming for no good reason. There are times I need to send her to the office because she gets too loud. I did notice that after a while she would just stop…in my head I was like (THANK GOD!). Her mother says she is like that at home too and she’s working with her, but it’s hard because she doesn’t speak English so therefore can’t help her with h/w and they don’t have $ for a tutor. We’ll see how the rest of the year goes, but I read this article today and thought wow I’m doing something right! It’s true, I need to do this everytime I get an outburst, just stay calm….It was a lot easier working in a private school where there were two of us in the classroom, but now having to be alone in the classroom with the same amount of students (the difference is very much felt!). Thanks for your articles!!

]]> By: Sylvia http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-34244 Sylvia Tue, 26 Feb 2008 14:29:07 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-34244 Ellen, thank you for this article, as I read through the many responses and many different examples and solutions, I was curious that there wasn't any reference to Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), suitable for both parent and child and even an observer to a child's upset causing and including the temper tantrum. EFT is a needle-less form of acupuncture, that is non-invasive and developed to relieve stress & in development discovered to also relieve pain and do all kinds of wonderful things for everyone even surrogately. It is easily taught to children, even very young children, but, what they have found if the parents apply it to themselves first for what ever the issue, many times it relieves the problem. We all have emotions, even our babies, high stress levels are catching in a family environment and in our world. EFT is a gift, and should be in everyone's tool box and a life-learning skill, like knowing how to make a bed, or drive a car. You can access a free manual to learn all about EFT from my website www.naturalforcesforhealth.com and a free bi-weekly newsletter from developer Gary Craig, and also his archives which gives 1000's of success stories. He has a seperate Chidren's Catagory & a Community Forum to present your problem with advise from experts in the EFT field. Donna Eden, author of "Energy Medicine" recommends and hopes that EFT will be offered in our school, so that all children will have access to this skill. EFT is also very successful for asthma and allergy attacks, pain elimination and the list goes on and on. Over, 350,000 people around the world, have downloaded the free manual and use it in their daliy lives. Try it- - - you will like it! Blessings, Sylvia Ross EFT-ADV ssross@sc.rr.com for questions Ellen, thank you for this article, as I read through the many responses and many different examples and solutions, I was curious that there wasn’t any reference to Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), suitable for both parent and child and even an observer to a child’s upset causing and including the temper tantrum.
EFT is a needle-less form of acupuncture, that is non-invasive and developed to relieve stress & in development discovered to also relieve pain and do all kinds of wonderful things for everyone
even surrogately.
It is easily taught to children, even very young children, but, what they have found if the parents apply it to themselves first for what ever the issue, many times it relieves the problem.
We all have emotions, even our babies, high stress levels are catching in a family environment and in our world. EFT is a gift, and should be in everyone’s tool box and a life-learning skill, like knowing how to make a bed, or drive a car.
You can access a free manual to learn all about EFT from my website http://www.naturalforcesforhealth.com and a free bi-weekly newsletter from developer Gary Craig, and also his archives which gives 1000′s of success stories. He has a seperate Chidren’s Catagory & a Community Forum to present your problem with advise from experts in the EFT field.
Donna Eden, author of “Energy Medicine” recommends and hopes that EFT will be offered in our school, so that all children will have access to this skill.
EFT is also very successful for asthma and allergy attacks, pain elimination and the list goes on and on.
Over, 350,000 people around the world, have downloaded the free manual and use it in their daliy lives. Try it- – – you will like it!
Blessings,
Sylvia Ross EFT-ADV ssross@sc.rr.com for questions

]]> By: Bea http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-32876 Bea Fri, 08 Feb 2008 22:45:01 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-32876 Hi everyone My kids are older now and negotiate well. But when my youngest was 2 he always had a tantrum before leaving anywhere. I tried everything to calm him down. Give him a time estimate "We are going home soon, finish what you are doing, then it's time to go." All the soothing words before or during and after didn't work . One day while on holiday, we stayed with my sister who doesn't have children. We had a great day exploring a boat harbour with fun park attached. Then, it was time to go home.....WELL He started with the screaming at the top of his lungs. Me saying "Its time to go now we had a fun time and now we will go home for some nice lunch and a bath, we can come back another time" " I know you really like this place and your disappointed at going home" "Breath it's O.K we can come back another time. After this and much more talking. We finally got to the car and it started again. He refused to get in the car it took about 10mins of wrestling to get the child restrains on. We all got in the car and started the drive home 10 mins only thank goodness. With him screaming all the way. My sister by this stage had had enough. I was exhausted. My other son had his eyes shut and ears covered. I was driving and all of a sudden my sister starts screaming too. Very loudly while I had stopped at a traffic light. (I know very dangerous, I don't recommend it) But the tantrum thrower, stopped and yelled "No Tantrums, No Tantrums" and my sister then stopped and said "That's Right, No tantrums" There was silence all the rest of the way home. I'd like to say he never had tantrums any more but that would not be true. I would always remove him and me from church and shopping centres etc. During that time I was a nervous wreak but putting on a brave face. Finally they stopped just before his 3rd Birthday. I can laugh about it now but then it felt like it would never end. The only thing that kept me sane was reading "Diapers,Pacifiers and Other Holy Things" Words of encouragement for mothers of Preschooler. On the back cover it reads For every mother who has cried out to God that she no longer has time to spend with Him Every mother who needs to be reminded that she is valuable. Every mother who wants to laugh or cry over the ups and downs of life with preschoolers. Every mother who enjoys her children and responsibilities, but just needs a break. It will inspire you to walk more closely with your God. I learned a lot from my children just as much as they leaned from me. We all made mistakes and everyone is perfect just the way they are. There are life lessons everywhere and we all have and are creating our stories. Great stories that we all share. I love reading others stories. I hope mine gives made you laugh. My son loves me telling this story. God Bless Hi everyone
My kids are older now and negotiate well. But when my youngest was 2 he always had a tantrum before leaving anywhere. I tried everything to calm him down. Give him a time estimate “We are going home soon, finish what you are doing, then it’s time to go.” All the soothing words before or during and after didn’t work .
One day while on holiday, we stayed with my sister who doesn’t have children. We had a great day exploring a boat harbour with fun park attached.

Then, it was time to go home…..WELL He started with the screaming at the top of his lungs. Me saying “Its time to go now we had a fun time and now we will go home for some nice lunch and a bath, we can come back another time” ” I know you really like this place and your disappointed at going home” “Breath it’s O.K we can come back another time. After this and much more talking. We finally got to the car and it started again.
He refused to get in the car it took about 10mins of wrestling to get the child restrains on. We all got in the car and started the drive home 10 mins only thank goodness. With him screaming all the way.

My sister by this stage had had enough. I was exhausted. My other son had his eyes shut and ears covered. I was driving and all of a sudden my sister starts screaming too. Very loudly while I had stopped at a traffic light. (I know very dangerous, I don’t recommend it) But the tantrum thrower, stopped and yelled “No Tantrums, No Tantrums” and my sister then stopped and said “That’s Right, No tantrums” There was silence all the rest of the way home.

I’d like to say he never had tantrums any more but that would not be true. I would always remove him and me from church and shopping centres etc. During that time I was a nervous wreak but putting on a brave face. Finally they stopped just before his 3rd Birthday. I can laugh about it now but then it felt like it would never end. The only thing that kept me sane was reading “Diapers,Pacifiers and Other Holy Things” Words of encouragement for mothers of Preschooler. On the back cover it reads
For every mother who has cried out to God that she no longer has time to spend with Him

Every mother who needs to be reminded that she is valuable.

Every mother who wants to laugh or cry over the ups and downs of life with preschoolers.

Every mother who enjoys her children and responsibilities, but just needs a break. It will inspire you to walk more closely with your God.

I learned a lot from my children just as much as they leaned from me. We all made mistakes and everyone is perfect just the way they are. There are life lessons everywhere and we all have and are creating our stories. Great stories that we all share. I love reading others stories. I hope mine gives made you laugh. My son loves me telling this story.

God Bless

]]> By: Martha http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-31898 Martha Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:16:55 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-31898 The tantrums happen, rarely, what I'm interested in, is am I disaplaining him approprately. My sister suggested I seat him at the dinning room table (in this case while I was preparing dinner) since he loves to help me cook. I feel this is appropriate because rather than banning him to his room where he can just sit & play, he actually sits, & can not only do nothing, but he has to watch me cook, knowing he can NOT help me, because he is in trouble, which he does not like. My question I guess, is how long is an appropriate amount of time. Yesterday he actually called me stupid after he had a tantrum at a store, and I quietly called it quits, & I quietly walked out of the store, as he cried because I took a toy away (that consisted of a gun in it-that we do not allow in the house, which he knows, but he wanted anyway). It was a gift-card birthday gift shopping outing, that we'd been looking for for quite some time. He couldn't decide, but I was giving him a sufficient amount of time to chose what he wanted. So my question is, when he calls me names, what is an appropriate response, and appropriate amount of down time for him. I have explained to, not yelled at, him why he should not call names, but when he gets hungry, and/or tired, this seems to raise his head. thank you! The tantrums happen, rarely, what I’m interested in, is am I disaplaining him approprately. My sister suggested I seat him at the dinning room table (in this case while I was preparing dinner) since he loves to help me cook. I feel this is appropriate because rather than banning him to his room where he can just sit & play, he actually sits, & can not only do nothing, but he has to watch me cook, knowing he can NOT help me, because he is in trouble, which he does not like. My question I guess, is how long is an appropriate amount of time.

Yesterday he actually called me stupid after he had a tantrum at a store, and I quietly called it quits, & I quietly walked out of the store, as he cried because I took a toy away (that consisted of a gun in it-that we do not allow in the house, which he knows, but he wanted anyway). It was a gift-card birthday gift shopping outing, that we’d been looking for for quite some time. He couldn’t decide, but I was giving him a sufficient amount of time to chose what he wanted.

So my question is, when he calls me names, what is an appropriate response, and appropriate amount of down time for him. I have explained to, not yelled at, him why he should not call names, but when he gets hungry, and/or tired, this seems to raise his head.

thank you!

]]> By: Robin http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-31295 Robin Mon, 14 Jan 2008 03:41:40 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-31295 Does anyone have advice on tantrums in older children? This came on one of my 8 year old twins about 6 months ago. She is such an intelligent, sensitive, inquisitive child most of the time, and then she just LOSES IT! We have tried to watch what foods she eats, how tired she is, etc... It's as if she is going to have this tantrum come H_ll or high water! Then it's over and she's sweet again. She's old enough to reason with, but all she says is she doesn't know why she does it, and she is trying to stop. (The tantrums include baby talk and sounds that are AGGRAVATING at best. Thank for this website and all your support. Does anyone have advice on tantrums in older children? This came on one of my 8 year old twins about 6 months ago. She is such an intelligent, sensitive, inquisitive child most of the time, and then she just LOSES IT! We have tried to watch what foods she eats, how tired she is, etc… It’s as if she is going to have this tantrum come H_ll or high water! Then it’s over and she’s sweet again. She’s old enough to reason with, but all she says is she doesn’t know why she does it, and she is trying to stop. (The tantrums include baby talk and sounds that are AGGRAVATING at best. Thank for this website and all your support.

]]> By: Elizabeth Free http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-27160 Elizabeth Free Wed, 07 Nov 2007 19:36:55 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-27160 p.s. to #128 -- My sone has severe ADHD, as do I. I do not consider it an excuse for poor behavior. I will cuddle him, kiss him, and lavish words of encouragement and reassurance on him. "NO" with love and a hug (and perhaps a reminder of the rule) works MUCH better than a harsh "I SAID NO!! I MEAN IT!! YOU BETTER STOP, MISTER!!", etc., which I hear echoing through grocery stores. I gotta ask myself, "Who's the adult, here???" p.s. to #128 —

My sone has severe ADHD, as do I. I do not consider it an excuse for poor behavior. I will cuddle him, kiss him, and lavish words of encouragement and reassurance on him. “NO” with love and a hug (and perhaps a reminder of the rule) works MUCH better than a harsh “I SAID NO!! I MEAN IT!! YOU BETTER STOP, MISTER!!”, etc., which I hear echoing through grocery stores. I gotta ask myself, “Who’s the adult, here???”

]]> By: Elizabeth Free http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-27159 Elizabeth Free Wed, 07 Nov 2007 19:20:30 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-27159 There is one thing I would add to this article, which has proven to be the "magic pill". While I buy tons of toys for my son and he is the shining star of my life, he learned quite early on that if I say "no", there is no getting around it. From the time he was born, I have always attended to his every need. However, this has evolved in parallel to what he could understand. As soon as he understood the difference between "want" and "need", I made it clear that while I would look after his needs, I would not attend to ALL his wants. At ehe same time, I established a rule that if he cried to get his way OR argued, REAGARDLESS of what he was begging, crying, or arguing for, HE WOULD NOT GET IT. There a re many heart-breaking instances where I wanted to give him what he was begging for. Instead, in a calm voice I would say "Oh.. that's so sad. Since you're crying to get your way, I can't POSSIBLY give you the toy". His attempts to manipulate are few and far between now -- and only occur now when he is extremely tired. When a child is extremely tired, all bets are off. The only merciful solution (to ALL involved) is to let that child get some much-needed sleep. Not a perfect parent BY FAR, but I'm filled with gratitude when I hear so many people compliment my son on his excellent behavior in public. It encourages me that one day he'll be successful on his own!!! There is one thing I would add to this article, which has proven to be the “magic pill”. While I buy tons of toys for my son and he is the shining star of my life, he learned quite early on that if I say “no”, there is no getting around it.

From the time he was born, I have always attended to his every need. However, this has evolved in parallel to what he could understand. As soon as he understood the difference between “want” and “need”, I made it clear that while I would look after his needs, I would not attend to ALL his wants.

At ehe same time, I established a rule that if he cried to get his way OR argued, REAGARDLESS of what he was begging, crying, or arguing for, HE WOULD NOT GET IT. There a re many heart-breaking instances where I wanted to give him what he was begging for. Instead, in a calm voice I would say “Oh.. that’s so sad. Since you’re crying to get your way, I can’t POSSIBLY give you the toy”.

His attempts to manipulate are few and far between now — and only occur now when he is extremely tired. When a child is extremely tired, all bets are off. The only merciful solution (to ALL involved) is to let that child get some much-needed sleep.

Not a perfect parent BY FAR, but I’m filled with gratitude when I hear so many people compliment my son on his excellent behavior in public. It encourages me that one day he’ll be successful on his own!!!

]]> By: Katie Coonley http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-26235 Katie Coonley Sun, 21 Oct 2007 18:21:15 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-26235 Hi, Ellen. I'm afraid I have been inconsistent and allowed myself to be manipulated for far too many years by my son, who is now twelve. Thank you for the article; I think it will be very helpful. I have read other articles and books about this issue, but I need constant reminders, apparently. :-( Hi, Ellen. I’m afraid I have been inconsistent and allowed myself to be manipulated for far too many years by my son, who is now twelve. Thank you for the article; I think it will be very helpful. I have read other articles and books about this issue, but I need constant reminders, apparently. :-(

]]> By: Vicky http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-25665 Vicky Thu, 11 Oct 2007 12:01:29 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-25665 All the comments above are very useful and I read them with great interest. But my husband and I are starting to be at our wits' end with our 5.5 year old daughter. She is a great little girl - bright, articulate, does well in school, her teachers have nothing but the highest of praise for her, but she is starting to get into a cycle of temper tantrums that is driving us completely insane! She never had the "terrible twos" or even "threes" - that is, until her brother was born when she was just over 3 yrs old. She finally grudgingly accepted him (although it took forever) and now generally gets along with him but for the occasional spats (my husband and I, who are both only children, assume this part of siblinghood is probably normal). However, her temper tantrums are something else entirely. Her main problems seem to be clothes - getting dressed and out the door is taking longer and longer (thankfully she wears a uniform at school & seems to have no problem with that), but underwear, socks, shoes and pants are impossible! She has a ton of clothes but basically is willing to wear about three items - and those only after a massive tantrum, almost every day starting with the underwear!!!! I know it sounds silly, but any humour in the situation is definitely out the window when she is wailing hysterically about her underwear not fitting, throwing them around, screaming that they don't fit/they're too tight/they're too loose/they're unconfortble etc. - we have tried buying all different sizes including ones that she chose herself- nothing works and it's a rare day indeed when she just puts the wretched things on and moves on to the next item of clothing! Then, if we're really lucky, she starts it all over again with the socks - the heel is too high, the thread at the toes bothers her - and on and on. If we get through that, then it's the shoes - half the time we give up and she's back to bare feet in her crocs or sandals. As for the rest of her clothes - I even let her pick out what she likes at the store - she tries them on there and says they're fine, but then won't wear them at home - for a variety of reasons, mostly centering around being "uncomfortable". I have tried getting many of them taken in, altered etc., but to no avail. She just screams and screams as if her life is coming to an end! We have tried time outs, putting her into her room, all the various approaches described by others above (i.e. talking to her calmly, hugging her, trying to emphathize with her, suggesting that she must express herself respectfully, ignoring her, taking away things etc.) but somehow, nothing seems to work with her! There are times when she's clearly tired, or isn't feeling well due to a cold or whatever, so fine, we try to be extra patient since even adults can be pretty short-tempered when they're not feeling their best. But, where does that leave us the rest of the time? Just the last week alone there have been at least 3 days where it seemed we went from one tantrum/argument with her to the next, almost non-stop, punctuated only by the moments that our 2-yr old chimed in with his own hissies!!! They entire day was miserable for the entire family. We have tried reasoning with her calmly after the "storm has passed" to discuss with her how counterproductive irrational, irrespectful behaviour is, to try to find out what she's feeling when she goes off the rails - but it is clearly not getting through to her - goes in one ear and out the other and we can't seem to get past any of it. It just starts all over again the next time. We've even had to cancel plans for going out on occasion (shopping, to a restaurant, etc.) because she threw such a huge fit while getting dressed. Increasingly, I'm starting to fly off the handle - behaving almost as irrationally, it seems, as my daughter, because I'm so frustrated at simply not being able to diffuse the situation calmly, like everyone else seems to be able to do in their comments above! And of course, I know that's entirely wrong - having the situation escalate into a screaming match is wholly inappropriate, but so often it seems that there's little else we can do, since we can't always reason with her! Is there any hope for us? Will this ever end? All the comments above are very useful and I read them with great interest. But my husband and I are starting to be at our wits’ end with our 5.5 year old daughter. She is a great little girl – bright, articulate, does well in school, her teachers have nothing but the highest of praise for her, but she is starting to get into a cycle of temper tantrums that is driving us completely insane! She never had the “terrible twos” or even “threes” – that is, until her brother was born when she was just over 3 yrs old. She finally grudgingly accepted him (although it took forever) and now generally gets along with him but for the occasional spats (my husband and I, who are both only children, assume this part of siblinghood is probably normal). However, her temper tantrums are something else entirely. Her main problems seem to be clothes – getting dressed and out the door is taking longer and longer (thankfully she wears a uniform at school & seems to have no problem with that), but underwear, socks, shoes and pants are impossible! She has a ton of clothes but basically is willing to wear about three items – and those only after a massive tantrum, almost every day starting with the underwear!!!! I know it sounds silly, but any humour in the situation is definitely out the window when she is wailing hysterically about her underwear not fitting, throwing them around, screaming that they don’t fit/they’re too tight/they’re too loose/they’re unconfortble etc. – we have tried buying all different sizes including ones that she chose herself- nothing works and it’s a rare day indeed when she just puts the wretched things on and moves on to the next item of clothing! Then, if we’re really lucky, she starts it all over again with the socks – the heel is too high, the thread at the toes bothers her – and on and on. If we get through that, then it’s the shoes – half the time we give up and she’s back to bare feet in her crocs or sandals. As for the rest of her clothes – I even let her pick out what she likes at the store – she tries them on there and says they’re fine, but then won’t wear them at home – for a variety of reasons, mostly centering around being “uncomfortable”. I have tried getting many of them taken in, altered etc., but to no avail. She just screams and screams as if her life is coming to an end!

We have tried time outs, putting her into her room, all the various approaches described by others above (i.e. talking to her calmly, hugging her, trying to emphathize with her, suggesting that she must express herself respectfully, ignoring her, taking away things etc.) but somehow, nothing seems to work with her! There are times when she’s clearly tired, or isn’t feeling well due to a cold or whatever, so fine, we try to be extra patient since even adults can be pretty short-tempered when they’re not feeling their best. But, where does that leave us the rest of the time? Just the last week alone there have been at least 3 days where it seemed we went from one tantrum/argument with her to the next, almost non-stop, punctuated only by the moments that our 2-yr old chimed in with his own hissies!!! They entire day was miserable for the entire family.

We have tried reasoning with her calmly after the “storm has passed” to discuss with her how counterproductive irrational, irrespectful behaviour is, to try to find out what she’s feeling when she goes off the rails – but it is clearly not getting through to her – goes in one ear and out the other and we can’t seem to get past any of it. It just starts all over again the next time. We’ve even had to cancel plans for going out on occasion (shopping, to a restaurant, etc.) because she threw such a huge fit while getting dressed.

Increasingly, I’m starting to fly off the handle – behaving almost as irrationally, it seems, as my daughter, because I’m so frustrated at simply not being able to diffuse the situation calmly, like everyone else seems to be able to do in their comments above! And of course, I know that’s entirely wrong – having the situation escalate into a screaming match is wholly inappropriate, but so often it seems that there’s little else we can do, since we can’t always reason with her!

Is there any hope for us? Will this ever end?

]]> By: Kelly http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-25210 Kelly Tue, 02 Oct 2007 13:50:27 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-25210 Ellen, I have two older boys 10 and 7 so I am not a new mom. However we had twin girls this time around, and things are different! They are starting to scream. Sometimes because they are mad and other times just screaming to be heard. One, at 17 months, like to slam her head down on the table or floor if she is disappointed or upset. She is then hurt and cries differently than before. How do I handle this? Is there a way to stop the sceaming? Will she learn that this hurts her and stop hurting herself? I try not to react to the screaming. Thinking that they are trying to get a reaction from me. One ladie told me to put them in time out. They seem young to me for time out. One ladie told me to scream back at them, they didn't know what they sound like and that would make them stop. I need help. With two it is a little different because they playoff of each other and watch each other. Thanks, Kelly Ellen,
I have two older boys 10 and 7 so I am not a new mom. However we had twin girls this time around, and things are different! They are starting to scream. Sometimes because they are mad and other times just screaming to be heard. One, at 17 months, like to slam her head down on the table or floor if she is disappointed or upset. She is then hurt and cries differently than before. How do I handle this? Is there a way to stop the sceaming? Will she learn that this hurts her and stop hurting herself? I try not to react to the screaming. Thinking that they are trying to get a reaction from me. One ladie told me to put them in time out. They seem young to me for time out. One ladie told me to scream back at them, they didn’t know what they sound like and that would make them stop. I need help. With two it is a little different because they playoff of each other and watch each other.
Thanks, Kelly

]]> By: isha http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-25141 isha Sun, 30 Sep 2007 05:31:03 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-25141 hii u hv given very nice stories regarding temper tantrums ....it wil be even more better if u add some tips for parents about how to deal with temper tantrums when they suddenly accour urs kindly hii u hv given very nice stories regarding temper tantrums ….it wil be even more better if u add some tips for parents about how to deal with temper tantrums when they suddenly accour
urs kindly

]]> By: Mom2 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-22937 Mom2 Mon, 30 Jul 2007 05:55:58 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-22937 I disipline my children in various ways. Sometimes, although many may not consider it disipline, we just sit alone somewhere and talk about things and have discussions (two sided) to get to the root of the matter. There are times when I take away items or upcoming events, time outs, writing down how they feel, etc. There are numerous ways I try to teach my children right from wrong. I do my best to love them and show them that every day. I do spank them sometimes. If I feel like they have put their safety at risk and they knew better then there may be a good chance they get a spanking. I do not want to lose my child due to them proving a point because of this stage in their life they are going through. The 9 is one of the strongest willed children I have ever encountered, constantly trying to draw a line in the sand. The punishment fits the crime whatever it may be. I disipline my children in various ways. Sometimes, although many may not consider it disipline, we just sit alone somewhere and talk about things and have discussions (two sided) to get to the root of the matter. There are times when I take away items or upcoming events, time outs, writing down how they feel, etc. There are numerous ways I try to teach my children right from wrong. I do my best to love them and show them that every day. I do spank them sometimes. If I feel like they have put their safety at risk and they knew better then there may be a good chance they get a spanking. I do not want to lose my child due to them proving a point because of this stage in their life they are going through. The 9 is one of the strongest willed children I have ever encountered, constantly trying to draw a line in the sand. The punishment fits the crime whatever it may be.

]]> By: Frances http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-22901 Frances Sat, 28 Jul 2007 19:27:20 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-22901 I think that the person who walks up to an adult who is spanking a child and asks if they need a break is an angel in disguise. When things get so bad that hitting is the only solution, I do think we parents need a break. This is not a criticism of parents - I know how hard parenting is - but I think what we can all use is more support. I am completely opposed to spanking. Children are the only people who can be hit without it being classed as assault. It also puts them in the circle of violence - whether we like it or not, they'll act out on someone or someething else at some point. As a person who received lots of spankings growing up, I can't remember what the spankings were for, just that I got them. It didn't teach me anything much other than that my mother couldn't be trusted. The best book I've found lately is one of the Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish books. This one is Liberated Parents, Liberated Children, Your Guide to a Happier Family. It made me realize how easily I criticize my child and how few compliments he gets from me.I highly recommend it. I think that the person who walks up to an adult who is spanking a child and asks if they need a break is an angel in disguise. When things get so bad that hitting is the only solution, I do think we parents need a break. This is not a criticism of parents – I know how hard parenting is – but I think what we can all use is more support. I am completely opposed to spanking. Children are the only people who can be hit without it being classed as assault. It also puts them in the circle of violence – whether we like it or not, they’ll act out on someone or someething else at some point. As a person who received lots of spankings growing up, I can’t remember what the spankings were for, just that I got them. It didn’t teach me anything much other than that my mother couldn’t be trusted. The best book I’ve found lately is one of the Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish books. This one is Liberated Parents, Liberated Children, Your Guide to a Happier Family. It made me realize how easily I criticize my child and how few compliments he gets from me.I highly recommend it.

]]> By: Mom2 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-22900 Mom2 Sat, 28 Jul 2007 18:52:28 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-22900 I have read most of the comments and many seem like my own stories. I just want to add that we have created our own problems in society. I have an extremely difficult 9 year old. She tries to be my equal on a daily basis. I am working on my response to her tactics, but she really knows how to push my buttons and she can work her daddy in her favor which is not helpful at all. He thinks she is just being a kid but I do not think back talking to the point of total defiance just being a kid. On to the first statement I made... there have been public fits that required immediate attention. The one that comes to mind is K-Mart. We were in the dressing room trying on clothes (2 daughters age 9 & 7). The 9 year old decided she wanted to try on something the 7 year old had tried on, totally different sizes. I was planning on purchasing the outfit for the 7yr old who was already dressed and waiting out at the cart with her new things with her dad. The 9 refused to put her clothes back on until she tried on the 7's outfit. I told her we were going to buy it and we could see if it would fit her when we got home, but that was not good enough. She sat down on the bench crossed her arms and said, "I am not coming out until I try on that outfit." Dressing rooms echo anyway so I quietly said I am going out here with daddy and you will get dressed and come out here so we can leave. I stood outside the door, I could still see the door to her dressing room, but I was with my husband and 7. My husband told her to get dressed and come on, she changed what I had told her to fit her needs (the way she manipulates him often) "Mommy said I could try on 7's outfit." I had said when we got home. She wasn't coming out. It was awful. She started crying and yelling and saying mommy said... blah blah, mommy told a lie, blah blah... (she does this, a lot). I was trying to quiet her and she had locked the dressing room. Onlookers passed to see what the noise was about. I don't remember exactly how we got her to finally open the door that day, but I remember it felt like an hour had passed. My husband took her out to the van because I did make the purchase for my 7. It seems like the 7 constantly trying to make things right and even goes as far as saying "she's sorry". The problem we have created... as my husband was walking out the door I said don't spank her in the parking lot. Now we both knew she needed it and we both knew she was getting one. So you ask why didn't you spank her when the crime occurred and what a crime it was. Well of all places we were at K-Mart, and I am not sure how many of you remember the scene that played on TV of the mother that appeared to be hitting her kid in the van while in the van, but if I recall correctly that too was in K-Mart. We cannot do anything in public anymore without someone thinking we harm our children. Last week I had taken a big challenge on myself and took my kids on a mini vacation before school starts back. My 9 got angry because we were not getting to the go-carts fast enough so while I was looking at discount bathing suits (for them) she took off to the open store front which leads to a sidewalk full of tourist. I turned around and asked my 7 where she was and the 7 said the 9 left. Left where...? While running toward the front dragging 7. 9 was there standing at the front to be picked up by any passerby, knowing better but being defiant. I took her to the van and I did spank her. Her response... "I will call the police on you. You can't spank me for standing somewhere. You will go to jail." My response... I calmly handed her the phone and said, "You can call 911 and they will come and ask me some questions, but I think you may be surprised at what they have to say when it is all said and done. It would not be easy for me to call your daddy, mamaw, nana, & papaw and tell them you disappeared and I am sorry. You know better than to do what you did you were angry because you were not getting your way and you did something that could have ended very badly. We have talked about things like that and you did it to make me angry. That part worked. It made me very angry and it made me very sad that you would make a choice like that to get what you wanted." I still had to go to go-carts and I really wanted my 9 to sit out, but I was unable to allow that since my 7 wasn't tall enough without the 9 and my 7 had already missed out on so many things during our mini vacation because of the 9. See if the 9 isn't happy, then no one is happy. But as stated, we can't spank our kids in public without someone looking at us. My friend spanked her child in the mall and a stranger walked up to her and asked her (the mom) if she needed a break! The worst part of this post... I am embarrassed to say I am a teacher. I like to think I am a good teacher. I am known in the school for having good control in the classroom. I usually put together a good team. So, I am really under a microscope and the public is always there watching and judging. I was a parent before I was a teacher. I remember saying I would never have one of those kids, the ones throwing the tantrums in the market. Each child is unique and each parenting style is unique. Do what fits while keeping everyone safe and sane..... pray for me. I have read most of the comments and many seem like my own stories. I just want to add that we have created our own problems in society. I have an extremely difficult 9 year old. She tries to be my equal on a daily basis. I am working on my response to her tactics, but she really knows how to push my buttons and she can work her daddy in her favor which is not helpful at all. He thinks she is just being a kid but I do not think back talking to the point of total defiance just being a kid. On to the first statement I made… there have been public fits that required immediate attention. The one that comes to mind is K-Mart. We were in the dressing room trying on clothes (2 daughters age 9 & 7). The 9 year old decided she wanted to try on something the 7 year old had tried on, totally different sizes. I was planning on purchasing the outfit for the 7yr old who was already dressed and waiting out at the cart with her new things with her dad. The 9 refused to put her clothes back on until she tried on the 7′s outfit. I told her we were going to buy it and we could see if it would fit her when we got home, but that was not good enough. She sat down on the bench crossed her arms and said, “I am not coming out until I try on that outfit.” Dressing rooms echo anyway so I quietly said I am going out here with daddy and you will get dressed and come out here so we can leave. I stood outside the door, I could still see the door to her dressing room, but I was with my husband and 7. My husband told her to get dressed and come on, she changed what I had told her to fit her needs (the way she manipulates him often) “Mommy said I could try on 7′s outfit.” I had said when we got home. She wasn’t coming out. It was awful. She started crying and yelling and saying mommy said… blah blah, mommy told a lie, blah blah… (she does this, a lot). I was trying to quiet her and she had locked the dressing room. Onlookers passed to see what the noise was about. I don’t remember exactly how we got her to finally open the door that day, but I remember it felt like an hour had passed. My husband took her out to the van because I did make the purchase for my 7. It seems like the 7 constantly trying to make things right and even goes as far as saying “she’s sorry”. The problem we have created… as my husband was walking out the door I said don’t spank her in the parking lot. Now we both knew she needed it and we both knew she was getting one. So you ask why didn’t you spank her when the crime occurred and what a crime it was. Well of all places we were at K-Mart, and I am not sure how many of you remember the scene that played on TV of the mother that appeared to be hitting her kid in the van while in the van, but if I recall correctly that too was in K-Mart. We cannot do anything in public anymore without someone thinking we harm our children. Last week I had taken a big challenge on myself and took my kids on a mini vacation before school starts back. My 9 got angry because we were not getting to the go-carts fast enough so while I was looking at discount bathing suits (for them) she took off to the open store front which leads to a sidewalk full of tourist. I turned around and asked my 7 where she was and the 7 said the 9 left. Left where…? While running toward the front dragging 7. 9 was there standing at the front to be picked up by any passerby, knowing better but being defiant. I took her to the van and I did spank her. Her response… “I will call the police on you. You can’t spank me for standing somewhere. You will go to jail.” My response… I calmly handed her the phone and said, “You can call 911 and they will come and ask me some questions, but I think you may be surprised at what they have to say when it is all said and done. It would not be easy for me to call your daddy, mamaw, nana, & papaw and tell them you disappeared and I am sorry. You know better than to do what you did you were angry because you were not getting your way and you did something that could have ended very badly. We have talked about things like that and you did it to make me angry. That part worked. It made me very angry and it made me very sad that you would make a choice like that to get what you wanted.” I still had to go to go-carts and I really wanted my 9 to sit out, but I was unable to allow that since my 7 wasn’t tall enough without the 9 and my 7 had already missed out on so many things during our mini vacation because of the 9. See if the 9 isn’t happy, then no one is happy. But as stated, we can’t spank our kids in public without someone looking at us. My friend spanked her child in the mall and a stranger walked up to her and asked her (the mom) if she needed a break! The worst part of this post… I am embarrassed to say I am a teacher. I like to think I am a good teacher. I am known in the school for having good control in the classroom. I usually put together a good team. So, I am really under a microscope and the public is always there watching and judging. I was a parent before I was a teacher. I remember saying I would never have one of those kids, the ones throwing the tantrums in the market. Each child is unique and each parenting style is unique. Do what fits while keeping everyone safe and sane….. pray for me.

]]> By: Lisa http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-20104 Lisa Wed, 16 May 2007 02:24:36 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-20104 I need help with my 19 month old boy.I am trying to teach him to feed himself-which he wants to do.He has such a temper-and even little things throws him off and he will swipe everything off of his tray (or take the tray off as he has figured out how to do so).He usually only plays with a spoon and will dump any bowls I give him.I try to give him a spoon and I will have one-and he sometimes gets a spoon to his mouth, but mostly wipes the spoon with food on me, or the table or flings it around.He is sometimes okay for a while with finger food-but will only eat a very small variety of food-he needs better nutrition!He has never been a great eater and has always tried to swipe the oncoming spoon away-or just hold a hand up so I can't get the spoon to him-THIS EVEN WHEN I KNOW HE IS HUNGRY.He becomes really crabby when he hasn't enough to eat.I just recently was trying to take him off his mid-morning and afternoon bottles(they are after nap ones-I've never put him to sleep with a bottle) thinking that perhaps he'd eat better and the bottle was filling him up too much.It didn't make a diff-he still gave me a hard time about eating and then was more cranky to boot as he was hungry.Lately I feel at the end of my rope.I am worried about not getting enough food into him.Any advice??He has always been a challenge-even when nursing-he just wouldn't relax and cuddle(like my first boy did)He is a very smart child-so, not worried that something could be wrong there. Help? Thanks Lisa I need help with my 19 month old boy.I am trying to teach him to feed himself-which he wants to do.He has such a temper-and even little things throws him off and he will swipe everything off of his tray (or take the tray off as he has figured out how to do so).He usually only plays with a spoon and will dump any bowls I give him.I try to give him a spoon and I will have one-and he sometimes gets a spoon to his mouth, but mostly wipes the spoon with food on me, or the table or flings it around.He is sometimes okay for a while with finger food-but will only eat a very small variety of food-he needs better nutrition!He has never been a great eater and has always tried to swipe the oncoming spoon away-or just hold a hand up so I can’t get the spoon to him-THIS EVEN WHEN I KNOW HE IS HUNGRY.He becomes really crabby when he hasn’t enough to eat.I just recently was trying to take him off his mid-morning and afternoon bottles(they are after nap ones-I’ve never put him to sleep with a bottle) thinking that perhaps he’d eat better and the bottle was filling him up too much.It didn’t make a diff-he still gave me a hard time about eating and then was more cranky to boot as he was hungry.Lately I feel at the end of my rope.I am worried about not getting enough food into him.Any advice??He has always been a challenge-even when nursing-he just wouldn’t relax and cuddle(like my first boy did)He is a very smart child-so, not worried that something could be wrong there.
Help?
Thanks Lisa

]]> By: Jen http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-19993 Jen Sat, 12 May 2007 18:50:50 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-19993 This technique does work with daughter for the most part, however sometimes she just gets REALLY out of control and she's 7! The episodes are few and far between thank goodness, but when she really gets going, I want her to go to her room (I can't stand all of the screaming). Is this unrealistic? Sometimes when I ask her to go to her room, she refuses and I then give her the choice, you can go on your own or I can help you. Well, this usually ends up with me carrying a screaming seven year old up to her room, which really leaves me exhausted. My husband and I aren't screamers and when this happens we just aren't sure what to do. Any suggestions? Help! This technique does work with daughter for the most part, however sometimes she just gets REALLY out of control and she’s 7! The episodes are few and far between thank goodness, but when she really gets going, I want her to go to her room (I can’t stand all of the screaming). Is this unrealistic? Sometimes when I ask her to go to her room, she refuses and I then give her the choice, you can go on your own or I can help you. Well, this usually ends up with me carrying a screaming seven year old up to her room, which really leaves me exhausted. My husband and I aren’t screamers and when this happens we just aren’t sure what to do. Any suggestions? Help!

]]> By: Katrina Harkins http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-19646 Katrina Harkins Tue, 24 Apr 2007 16:07:20 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-19646 I will be the first to admit that giving in to my two boys when they were little was so much easier than anything else, but I learned quickly that I was just letting them rule the roost. I talked to their pediatrician and he told me to ignore them. It did not take very long for either of my boys to understand that I was not going to listen to their fits. Since there is six years difference in their ages, the older one got to see what I went through with him. I get lots of apologies to this day. Both of my boys are very well established and I have no problems with them thinking that they are entitled to the world. What every parent needs to remember, although it worked for me, is not all kids are the same and the same method may not work for all of their children. In the work that I do, I appreciate all of the input so I can pass it on. I do not always agree that punishment is the answer to the fits, but sometimes that is all that works. Every child needs to also learn that no one adult does the same thing either. When the kids start school, they are in a whole new situation and new rules. They need to be reminded that they are to follow rules for each adult and learn that fits are unacceptable anywhere that they are. Believe me, the first time that they throw a fit in front of all the kids in their class and they are made fun of, they will stop. Parents be happy with your children, and protect them. Explaination of why you are not giving into their whims will help out a lot. Grant they will still be mad, but they will respect you more than if you just say "NO!" Be consistent and they will grow up happy with themselves and their relationship with you. I will be the first to admit that giving in to my two boys when they were little was so much easier than anything else, but I learned quickly that I was just letting them rule the roost. I talked to their pediatrician and he told me to ignore them. It did not take very long for either of my boys to understand that I was not going to listen to their fits. Since there is six years difference in their ages, the older one got to see what I went through with him. I get lots of apologies to this day. Both of my boys are very well established and I have no problems with them thinking that they are entitled to the world.

What every parent needs to remember, although it worked for me, is not all kids are the same and the same method may not work for all of their children. In the work that I do, I appreciate all of the input so I can pass it on. I do not always agree that punishment is the answer to the fits, but sometimes that is all that works.

Every child needs to also learn that no one adult does the same thing either. When the kids start school, they are in a whole new situation and new rules. They need to be reminded that they are to follow rules for each adult and learn that fits are unacceptable anywhere that they are. Believe me, the first time that they throw a fit in front of all the kids in their class and they are made fun of, they will stop.

Parents be happy with your children, and protect them. Explaination of why you are not giving into their whims will help out a lot. Grant they will still be mad, but they will respect you more than if you just say “NO!” Be consistent and they will grow up happy with themselves and their relationship with you.

]]> By: Allene http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/comment-page-4/#comment-19314 Allene Tue, 17 Apr 2007 22:44:29 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/46/how-to-end-temper-tantrums/#comment-19314 Temper Tantrums in my childrens situations were at times explosive. Out of control anger and frustration. Sometimes laughter helped, but not at them. I quess depending on the age of the child, they do not know what they look like. If I threw myself on the floor and kicked about for 5 or 10 min. They would laugh or say I looked silly. They did not want to look like that in public. At home it did not alway happen, being consistant. Saying no over and over again was tiring. I would let the melt down happen, then talk and say no again. I guess it all depends on the child and what compliance level they have developed. Of course there are the other siblings want to help or just give the other what they want so there is some peace. Good Luck parents. We just keep trying after all it is our job. Thank you Allene Temper Tantrums in my childrens situations were at times explosive. Out of control anger and frustration. Sometimes laughter helped, but not at them. I quess depending on the age of the child, they do not know what they look like. If I threw myself on the floor and kicked about for 5 or 10 min. They would laugh or say I looked silly. They did not want to look like that in public. At home it did not alway happen, being consistant. Saying no over and over again was tiring. I would let the melt down happen, then talk and say no again. I guess it all depends on the child and what compliance level they have developed. Of course there are the other siblings want to help or just give the other what they want so there is some peace. Good Luck parents.
We just keep trying after all it is our job.
Thank you
Allene

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