Keep up the good work!

Kyla

I am going through the “that’s not fair” stage with my 6 and 3 year old. Of course I feel the mommy guilt but they are so different. My son is very independent and does what he is told but he does have difficulties controling his actions. My daughter on the other hand complains about lots like if we ask her to clean up her room or do her homework she whines and cries, I don’t want to give into her but it seems like it is a cry for attention. Any advise? I hate the Mommy guilt of maybe I am not paying enough attention to her…UGH.
KYla

The baby (18 months) is currently having such a phase and every single thing any of the others pick up she wants… often resorting to hitting the next oldest (3) until one of them gives in. I move her away repeatedly but she doesn’t care and goes straight back to torment her sister.. They will sort it out themselves as they grow older.

noone seems to mind when anyone else is being hugged.. and I have enough arms to hug 2 at once so if someone does object they can be accomodated.. apart from the above mentioned 2 who slap each other on my lap lol.

We end up tickling and having stories and anything to distract the behaviour.

If things get bad with the older ones.. I have a water pistol and I *shoot* them.. it is harmless and fun and usually makes them laugh and forget their argument.. it is my number 1 discipline measure.. and probably my most effective!

I’m a 36 year old Mother of 3. We adopted our little boy a year and a half ago, and my 7 year old boy and my 10 year old girl ADORE him. I am seeing some real insecurity, though, in my 7 year old boy, and I’m trying to be present and patient and give extra time and attention to my older two. The older two get a date with me and my husband seperately once a month, and this has helped. Any other ideas to keep the new middle child feeling secure about his place in the world? Thanks!

I see from your post in the Parenting FAQ’s section that your boys are 7-1/2 and 4. (Assuming you are the same Christy, lol!) Sometimes a 4-year-old cannot have what a 7-year-old has, such as schoolbooks etc.

What has worked for us is a large plastic set of drawers (from Target) that is labeled with each child’s name on one drawer. Each boy can be instructed to place their personal stuff into the drawer, and the rule is that nobody can open/touch the things in their siblings drawer.

On the other hand, if your 7-year-old really does have more possessions (which is very likely!) you should stock up on some 4-year-old-appropriate things that are similar (books, toys, etc) and keep them hidden until a moment of jelousy arises.

A chart addressing this particular issue, with the promise of ice-cream at the end of the day, can do wonders for children of this age. At one point I gave ice-cream as dessert for breakfast to my 3 and 4-year-olds if they did not come out of bed after bedtime! You can read about the motivational chart I used to get ideas.