Comments on: How To Treat Your Different Children Fairly http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/ Timeless Parenting Advice for Toddlers through Teenagers Thu, 10 May 2012 05:16:16 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Sheila http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/comment-page-1/#comment-55004 Sheila Thu, 10 Feb 2011 03:42:51 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/36/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/#comment-55004 I would like to know if it is equitable to give the oldest child a big ticket item for improving her grades, while two younger children get nothing and maintain excellent grades. I have a big problem with this, but as grandmother have held my tongue. I would like to know if it is equitable to give the oldest child a big ticket item for improving her grades, while two younger children get nothing and maintain excellent grades. I have a big problem with this, but as grandmother have held my tongue.

]]> By: Becca http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/comment-page-1/#comment-53648 Becca Fri, 26 Feb 2010 01:43:03 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/36/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/#comment-53648 Hi, Talks about fairness are important. As a mother of two i know how importance fairness for a healthy family. Now aged 33 I am looking back on my childhood & have feelings of resentment towards my parents, these feelings stem, I think from the the way in which my parents treated my brother & I. My older brother went to an (expensive) private school, but I didn't have that opportunity. Probably due to financial constraints. When he got his first car I remember being told I would get one too when I was 17 because that was fair, but it didn't happen for me. i believe that my brother & i were treated differently when we were growing up & as a consequence I am finding it difficult to trust their ability to treat us equitably now. Moving forward in a positive way is hard for me as my parents still treat my brother & I in a way that I see as unfair. Do you think i should seek an explaination from my parents, should i tell them I feel hurt & confused? Maybe not all parents think it is important to treat their children fairly, Thanks Becca Hi,
Talks about fairness are important. As a mother of two i know how importance fairness for a healthy family. Now aged 33 I am looking back on my childhood & have feelings of resentment towards my parents, these feelings stem, I think from the the way in which my parents treated my brother & I.
My older brother went to an (expensive) private school, but I didn’t have that opportunity. Probably due to financial constraints. When he got his first car I remember being told I would get one too when I was 17 because that was fair, but it didn’t happen for me.

i believe that my brother & i were treated differently when we were growing up & as a consequence I am finding it difficult to trust their ability to treat us equitably now. Moving forward in a positive way is hard for me as my parents still treat my brother & I in a way that I see as unfair.

Do you think i should seek an explaination from my parents, should i tell them I feel hurt & confused?

Maybe not all parents think it is important to treat their children fairly, Thanks Becca

]]> By: AlexM http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/comment-page-1/#comment-44337 AlexM Sat, 16 Aug 2008 07:04:52 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/36/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/#comment-44337 Your blog is interesting! Keep up the good work! Your blog is interesting!

Keep up the good work!

]]> By: Kyla http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/comment-page-1/#comment-15561 Kyla Wed, 14 Mar 2007 03:59:40 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/36/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/#comment-15561 Helen I love the water pistol idea, especially with the silly fights. Do you find them spraying you if you and your husband are having a heated discussion? That would be great to try I think I will start that. Kyla Helen I love the water pistol idea, especially with the silly fights. Do you find them spraying you if you and your husband are having a heated discussion? That would be great to try I think I will start that.

Kyla

]]> By: Kyla http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/comment-page-1/#comment-15560 Kyla Wed, 14 Mar 2007 03:57:10 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/36/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/#comment-15560 Hi ladies, I am going through the "that's not fair" stage with my 6 and 3 year old. Of course I feel the mommy guilt but they are so different. My son is very independent and does what he is told but he does have difficulties controling his actions. My daughter on the other hand complains about lots like if we ask her to clean up her room or do her homework she whines and cries, I don't want to give into her but it seems like it is a cry for attention. Any advise? I hate the Mommy guilt of maybe I am not paying enough attention to her...UGH. KYla Hi ladies,

I am going through the “that’s not fair” stage with my 6 and 3 year old. Of course I feel the mommy guilt but they are so different. My son is very independent and does what he is told but he does have difficulties controling his actions. My daughter on the other hand complains about lots like if we ask her to clean up her room or do her homework she whines and cries, I don’t want to give into her but it seems like it is a cry for attention. Any advise? I hate the Mommy guilt of maybe I am not paying enough attention to her…UGH.
KYla

]]> By: Helen http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/comment-page-1/#comment-594 Helen Mon, 19 Jun 2006 19:12:57 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/36/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/#comment-594 I don't have much of a problem with this.. more of phases really. The baby (18 months) is currently having such a phase and every single thing any of the others pick up she wants... often resorting to hitting the next oldest (3) until one of them gives in. I move her away repeatedly but she doesn't care and goes straight back to torment her sister.. They will sort it out themselves as they grow older. noone seems to mind when anyone else is being hugged.. and I have enough arms to hug 2 at once so if someone does object they can be accomodated.. apart from the above mentioned 2 who slap each other on my lap lol. We end up tickling and having stories and anything to distract the behaviour. If things get bad with the older ones.. I have a water pistol and I *shoot* them.. it is harmless and fun and usually makes them laugh and forget their argument.. it is my number 1 discipline measure.. and probably my most effective! I don’t have much of a problem with this.. more of phases really.

The baby (18 months) is currently having such a phase and every single thing any of the others pick up she wants… often resorting to hitting the next oldest (3) until one of them gives in. I move her away repeatedly but she doesn’t care and goes straight back to torment her sister.. They will sort it out themselves as they grow older.

noone seems to mind when anyone else is being hugged.. and I have enough arms to hug 2 at once so if someone does object they can be accomodated.. apart from the above mentioned 2 who slap each other on my lap lol.

We end up tickling and having stories and anything to distract the behaviour.

If things get bad with the older ones.. I have a water pistol and I *shoot* them.. it is harmless and fun and usually makes them laugh and forget their argument.. it is my number 1 discipline measure.. and probably my most effective!

]]> By: Susan http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/comment-page-1/#comment-535 Susan Fri, 16 Jun 2006 17:06:38 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/36/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/#comment-535 Hi Christy, I'm a 36 year old Mother of 3. We adopted our little boy a year and a half ago, and my 7 year old boy and my 10 year old girl ADORE him. I am seeing some real insecurity, though, in my 7 year old boy, and I'm trying to be present and patient and give extra time and attention to my older two. The older two get a date with me and my husband seperately once a month, and this has helped. Any other ideas to keep the new middle child feeling secure about his place in the world? Thanks! Hi Christy,

I’m a 36 year old Mother of 3. We adopted our little boy a year and a half ago, and my 7 year old boy and my 10 year old girl ADORE him. I am seeing some real insecurity, though, in my 7 year old boy, and I’m trying to be present and patient and give extra time and attention to my older two. The older two get a date with me and my husband seperately once a month, and this has helped. Any other ideas to keep the new middle child feeling secure about his place in the world? Thanks!

]]> By: Ellen C. Braun http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/comment-page-1/#comment-94 Ellen C. Braun Tue, 09 May 2006 16:58:11 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/36/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/#comment-94 Hi Christy, I see from your post in the Parenting FAQ's section that your boys are 7-1/2 and 4. (Assuming you are the same Christy, lol!) Sometimes a 4-year-old <u>cannot</u> have what a 7-year-old has, such as schoolbooks etc. What has worked for us is a large plastic set of drawers (from Target) that is labeled with each child's name on one drawer. Each boy can be instructed to place their personal stuff into the drawer, and the rule is that nobody can open/touch the things in their siblings drawer. On the other hand, if your 7-year-old really does have more possessions (which is very likely!) you should stock up on some 4-year-old-appropriate things that are similar (books, toys, etc) and keep them hidden until a moment of jelousy arises. A chart addressing this particular issue, with the promise of ice-cream at the end of the day, can do wonders for children of this age. At one point I gave ice-cream as dessert for breakfast to my 3 and 4-year-olds if they did not come out of bed after bedtime! You can read about the <a href=http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/27/how-to-motivate-your-child/ rel="nofollow">motivational chart</a> I used to get ideas. Hi Christy,

I see from your post in the Parenting FAQ’s section that your boys are 7-1/2 and 4. (Assuming you are the same Christy, lol!) Sometimes a 4-year-old cannot have what a 7-year-old has, such as schoolbooks etc.

What has worked for us is a large plastic set of drawers (from Target) that is labeled with each child’s name on one drawer. Each boy can be instructed to place their personal stuff into the drawer, and the rule is that nobody can open/touch the things in their siblings drawer.

On the other hand, if your 7-year-old really does have more possessions (which is very likely!) you should stock up on some 4-year-old-appropriate things that are similar (books, toys, etc) and keep them hidden until a moment of jelousy arises.

A chart addressing this particular issue, with the promise of ice-cream at the end of the day, can do wonders for children of this age. At one point I gave ice-cream as dessert for breakfast to my 3 and 4-year-olds if they did not come out of bed after bedtime! You can read about the motivational chart I used to get ideas.

]]> By: Christy http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/comment-page-1/#comment-80 Christy Mon, 08 May 2006 15:44:38 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/36/how-to-treat-your-different-children-fairly/#comment-80 My younger son always wants what his big brother has and will push and hit when he doesn't get his way. I feel bad that I'm always reprimanding him but 9 out of 10 times HE is the one that instigates. However, I do make sure that they both get equal turns. But then I think that sometimes the younger one just has to deal with not getting his way. My younger son always wants what his big brother has and will push and hit when he doesn’t get his way. I feel bad that I’m always reprimanding him but 9 out of 10 times HE is the one that instigates. However, I do make sure that they both get equal turns. But then I think that sometimes the younger one just has to deal with not getting his way.

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