Comments on: Hunger for Touch http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/ Timeless Parenting Advice for Toddlers through Teenagers Fri, 04 Jul 2008 12:39:53 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.4 by: Carma http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-37828 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 23:35:40 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-37828 It is so sad that touch has become such a sore subject and that people have to be so wary of touching each other. Obviously we would all benefit from more affection, even between strangers. Have you noticed that people don't even shake hands like they used to in greeting for fear of catching the flu. My children have never and I hope will never have "touch hunger". No matter how upset I may be with them, I always hug and kiss them at night and in the morning before we part. You never know what may happen...Both my parents were affectionate with me and no matter any areas that lacked, I grew up to be more self-sufficient and confident because of it. It is so sad that touch has become such a sore subject and that people have to be so wary of touching each other. Obviously we would all benefit from more affection, even between strangers. Have you noticed that people don’t even shake hands like they used to in greeting for fear of catching the flu. My children have never and I hope will never have “touch hunger”. No matter how upset I may be with them, I always hug and kiss them at night and in the morning before we part. You never know what may happen…Both my parents were affectionate with me and no matter any areas that lacked, I grew up to be more self-sufficient and confident because of it.

]]> by: Sherri McFall http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36975 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 22:33:54 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36975 Growing up, my family was probably somewhere in the middle of the hugging scale with young children, but once we got older the physical affection sort of dried up. The night my 3 yr old daughter was born, once the hospital was done with testing and they brought her to my room, I laid awake and held her in my arms the entire rest of the night. We share spontaneous affection any and every time we feel like it. My daughter will come to me now with a bottle of lotion and ask if I want to trade foot massages. She is a happy happy little girl, and I believe that sharing our affection with each other is the KEY reason for that. Thanks for the great article. Growing up, my family was probably somewhere in the middle of the hugging scale with young children, but once we got older the physical affection sort of dried up. The night my 3 yr old daughter was born, once the hospital was done with testing and they brought her to my room, I laid awake and held her in my arms the entire rest of the night. We share spontaneous affection any and every time we feel like it. My daughter will come to me now with a bottle of lotion and ask if I want to trade foot massages. She is a happy happy little girl, and I believe that sharing our affection with each other is the KEY reason for that. Thanks for the great article.

]]> by: Jennifer August http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36908 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:41:18 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36908 I love this article. My parents grew up in touchless families and so did their parents. It took me a long time to realize that I craved it. When my daughter came it was very unnatural to me and I was uncomfortable watching my husband hold and bathe her. We got baby massage books and learned together that it was healthy and seemed to calm her. To this day, we rub her back while she sits to play, we rub her head, her cheeks, give eskimo kisses with our noses, there is so much touching that now she returns the favor. When I come home from work, she gives me a big hug and then rubs my face and says "reeee waaaaax" since when we rub her back we tell her REEEEE LAAAAAX. She is now doing it on her own and we are told she soothes friends in preschool who fall or get hurt. YEAH! We broke the cycle! We also taught her that if she gets hurt and someone isn't there to hug her, that she can hug herself and feel better right away. :) I love this article. My parents grew up in touchless families and so did their parents. It took me a long time to realize that I craved it. When my daughter came it was very unnatural to me and I was uncomfortable watching my husband hold and bathe her. We got baby massage books and learned together that it was healthy and seemed to calm her. To this day, we rub her back while she sits to play, we rub her head, her cheeks, give eskimo kisses with our noses, there is so much touching that now she returns the favor. When I come home from work, she gives me a big hug and then rubs my face and says “reeee waaaaax” since when we rub her back we tell her REEEEE LAAAAAX.
She is now doing it on her own and we are told she soothes friends in preschool who fall or get hurt.
YEAH! We broke the cycle! We also taught her that if she gets hurt and someone isn’t there to hug her, that she can hug herself and feel better right away. :)

]]> by: Louise http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36907 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:00:29 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36907 I remember years ago before I became a Mommy and I read an article in a magazine about touch, I think the title was "touch sparks love" and how much children need to be touched. I was 19 at the time I read that and it made me cry because as a child my parents stopped touching us after we got to be about 5 yrs old. I remember as a child faking a fever just so Mom would put her hand on my forehead. At 14 I discovered boys, real live human beings that hug and kiss...oh man, I was in trouble with a capital T! As a Mom now I will NEVER EVER stop hugging and kissing my kids, my grown kids and my younger kids all get hugged a lot from me. I don't ever want them to feel what I felt as a child, how incredibly sad that I had such touch hunger and it would have been so easy for my parents to hug us, hugs don't cost a thing and they benifit both the giver and the reciever. Thank you for your article, more parents need to hear this. I remember years ago before I became a Mommy and I read an article in a magazine about touch, I think the title was “touch sparks love” and how much children need to be touched. I was 19 at the time I read that and it made me cry because as a child my parents stopped touching us after we got to be about 5 yrs old. I remember as a child faking a fever just so Mom would put her hand on my forehead. At 14 I discovered boys, real live human beings that hug and kiss…oh man, I was in trouble with a capital T! As a Mom now I will NEVER EVER stop hugging and kissing my kids, my grown kids and my younger kids all get hugged a lot from me. I don’t ever want them to feel what I felt as a child, how incredibly sad that I had such touch hunger and it would have been so easy for my parents to hug us, hugs don’t cost a thing and they benifit both the giver and the reciever.
Thank you for your article, more parents need to hear this.

]]> by: Carrie Stockdill http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36906 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 13:37:23 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36906 I teach 9 and 10 year olds, and have always believed in the power of touch. I was told many years ago "You'll hug kids until you get your 1st case of headlice," I said bring it on. I've been in many debates over the years and just decided it was too important to me as a professional not to touch my children (students). Marasmus is a disease where the spine grows crooked and physical development is stunted because of lack of touch. I read everyday to my class and walk around the room and rub backs while I read. They love it. Hurray for bringing this up again. We can't hear it enough. I really think nursing homes should develop protocals of touch, offering backrubs or footrubs at bedtime, and other comfort measures involving touch. It connects us all not just little ones. I teach 9 and 10 year olds, and have always believed in the power of touch. I was told many years ago “You’ll hug kids until you get your 1st case of headlice,” I said bring it on. I’ve been in many debates over the years and just decided it was too important to me as a professional not to touch my children (students). Marasmus is a disease where the spine grows crooked and physical development is stunted because of lack of touch. I read everyday to my class and walk around the room and rub backs while I read. They love it. Hurray for bringing this up again. We can’t hear it enough. I really think nursing homes should develop protocals of touch, offering backrubs or footrubs at bedtime, and other comfort measures involving touch. It connects us all not just little ones.

]]> by: Don http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36900 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 11:37:21 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36900 What about positive and safe touches from those outside "our circle?" It seems that one of the key ingredients missing in our own culture ia these kinds of touches between a coach and a child, a teacher and a child, an old man on a park bench and a child. I know these are sensitive areas, but as a stay-at-home Dad, I often have to experience negative reactions when I am at a park with my 3-year old twins and I help another child (who is not my own) up a ladder when struggling, only to find an overly concerned parent next to me. Is this really the way we want to be as a society? How can we live in fear and still give safe and positive touches, and allow those same touches from others in our lives? What about positive and safe touches from those outside “our circle?” It seems that one of the key ingredients missing in our own culture ia these kinds of touches between a coach and a child, a teacher and a child, an old man on a park bench and a child. I know these are sensitive areas, but as a stay-at-home Dad, I often have to experience negative reactions when I am at a park with my 3-year old twins and I help another child (who is not my own) up a ladder when struggling, only to find an overly concerned parent next to me. Is this really the way we want to be as a society? How can we live in fear and still give safe and positive touches, and allow those same touches from others in our lives?

]]> by: Kariina in Louisiana http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36899 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 11:21:08 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36899 I grew up in a Scandinavian area where hugs and kisses were rarely given within the family and never by others! I thought this was the norm until my college boyfriend introduced me to his Italian relatives! It was almost too much for me! Now, many years later, my husband and I lavish hugs and kisses upon our only begotten son! Even as a baby he resisted being touched! I had to quit our baby massage class as he howled the whole time! Now that our boy is 8, it is harder to chase him down for a hug or a kiss, but we make sure he knows he is loved whether he likes it or not! (I think he really does love it, despite the protest!) I grew up in a Scandinavian area where hugs and kisses were rarely given within the family and never by others! I thought this was the norm until my college boyfriend introduced me to his Italian relatives! It was almost too much for me!
Now, many years later, my husband and I lavish hugs and kisses upon our only begotten son! Even as a baby he resisted being touched! I had to quit our baby massage class as he howled the whole time! Now that our boy is 8, it is harder to chase him down for a hug or a kiss, but we make sure he knows he is loved whether he likes it or not! (I think he really does love it, despite the protest!)

]]> by: Tina http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36897 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 10:49:43 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36897 Chrissy, I can't believe the similarities between us. I am in a 20 year marriage and have 2 daughters and often think the same thing.......that I will be touch starved when the kids leave home. I often wondered if it was something wrong with me but I guess I am not alone. thanks for sharing. Chrissy, I can’t believe the similarities between us. I am in a 20 year marriage and have 2 daughters and often think the same thing…….that I will be touch starved when the kids leave home. I often wondered if it was something wrong with me but I guess I am not alone. thanks for sharing.

]]> by: Chrissy http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36887 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 04:01:56 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36887 I shed a tear as I neared the end of this article because it reminds me of what my 20 year marriage is missing today! Fortunately, I have 2 daughters that love my touches, hugs and kisses. I will surely miss their return touch after my daughters grow up and move out and on in life. My parents were very touchy with me, but I guess my husband's parents weren't with him. I am left with touch hunger more times than I'd like. I appreciate the suggestion of getting a message. That will be a nice replacement, although still lacking the love that touch communicates. I can't wait to give my girls a big hug tomorrow morning! I shed a tear as I neared the end of this article because it reminds me of what my 20 year marriage is missing today! Fortunately, I have 2 daughters that love my touches, hugs and kisses. I will surely miss their return touch after my daughters grow up and move out and on in life.

My parents were very touchy with me, but I guess my husband’s parents weren’t with him. I am left with touch hunger more times than I’d like. I appreciate the suggestion of getting a message. That will be a nice replacement, although still lacking the love that touch communicates.

I can’t wait to give my girls a big hug tomorrow morning!

]]> by: Michelle http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36886 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 03:54:21 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36886 I didn't have an overly "touchy-feely" upbringing... it was always awkward to hug family members. BUT, my 3 year old daughter is exceptionally affectionate. I think the window Valarie spoke of is true! I held my daughter almost exclusively for the first 5 months of her life, and as often as possible after that... it's to the point where she's affectionate during dinner, while we're sitting, when we're standing in line, just about anywhere. I treasure it so much, and hope that she doesn't get too resistant as she gets older. I think it helps with discpline, too... it's much easier to convince her to behave properly when I'm giving her a slight rub on the back. I didn’t have an overly “touchy-feely” upbringing… it was always awkward to hug family members. BUT, my 3 year old daughter is exceptionally affectionate. I think the window Valarie spoke of is true! I held my daughter almost exclusively for the first 5 months of her life, and as often as possible after that… it’s to the point where she’s affectionate during dinner, while we’re sitting, when we’re standing in line, just about anywhere. I treasure it so much, and hope that she doesn’t get too resistant as she gets older. I think it helps with discpline, too… it’s much easier to convince her to behave properly when I’m giving her a slight rub on the back.

]]> by: christie N http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36884 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 03:23:44 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36884 My parents loved me very much and gave hugs and kiss.My grandmother used to rock me in her rocking chair in the mornings when i stayed overnight. When I think back on the things in my life that made me feel the most loved and safest. It was before the sun came up in an old rocking chair wiht my gram holding me. My parents loved me very much and gave hugs and kiss.My grandmother used to rock me in her rocking chair in the mornings when i stayed overnight. When I think back on the things in my life that made me feel the most loved and safest. It was before the sun came up in an old rocking chair wiht my gram holding me.

]]> by: Valerie Martin http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36882 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 02:46:15 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36882 When we adopted our daughter at age 2 and a half she had not been touched or cuddled very much. She had been removed by the state from her birth mother when she was three months old and had lived in five different foster homes before we adopted her. She resisted touch by that time and still is not comfortable with it most of the time (she's now 14). I've often felt that some window closes at a certain age and if children don't receive the human touch they need during that time it may be too late. I have always continued to touch, hug, cuddle my daughter but I wish I could have had her when she was an infant. I know how important human touch is to all people, but especially to babies and children. We are born with skin hunger; touch is not just nice, it is necessary and essential for healthy emotional development. When we adopted our daughter at age 2 and a half she had not been touched or cuddled very much. She had been removed by the state from her birth mother when she was three months old and had lived in five different foster homes before we adopted her. She resisted touch by that time and still is not comfortable with it most of the time (she’s now 14). I’ve often felt that some window closes at a certain age and if children don’t receive the human touch they need during that time it may be too late. I have always continued to touch, hug, cuddle my daughter but I wish I could have had her when she was an infant. I know how important human touch is to all people, but especially to babies and children. We are born with skin hunger; touch is not just nice, it is necessary and essential for healthy emotional development.

]]> by: Maury Mangan http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36881 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 02:26:12 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36881 Touch is a "touchy" subject in our culture these days. No one is allowed to touch anyone spontaneously or affectionately without specifically asking the question, "May I touch you?" School and health care environments have become self-defensive, litigious,and rigid in terms of touch as a communicator. In some cultures, people walk arm in arm,sit on laps,tickle,drape their arms over each other, hug, unselfconsciously and happily. They don't need reminders or scientific proof of the benefits of touching. Thanks for the lesson. Guess we need it. Touch is a “touchy” subject in our culture these days. No one is allowed to touch anyone spontaneously or affectionately without specifically asking the question, “May I touch you?” School and health care environments have become self-defensive, litigious,and rigid in terms of touch as a communicator. In some cultures, people walk arm in arm,sit on laps,tickle,drape their arms over each other, hug, unselfconsciously and happily. They don’t need reminders or scientific proof of the benefits of touching. Thanks for the lesson. Guess we need it.

]]> by: Aliza G http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36880 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 02:19:21 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36880 Wow - so true especially when they become "tweens" and resist touch. My 12 year old daughter doesn't want that hug or kiss, but welcomes me holding her while we watch tv or she'll let me scratch her back...sometimes she'll come in bed in the morning for a cuddle now and then. Wow - so true especially when they become “tweens” and resist touch. My 12 year old daughter doesn’t want that hug or kiss, but welcomes me holding her while we watch tv or she’ll let me scratch her back…sometimes she’ll come in bed in the morning for a cuddle now and then.

]]> by: Jenna http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36879 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 02:17:44 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36879 I attribute some of the issues that I'm currently working out with my therapist to a childhood devoid of touch. My father virtually never touched me as far as I can remember, and my mother hardly ever did either. It has taken me a long time to overcome my issues of trust and intimacy. Please give your child a hug now! Jenna, mom of Kaitlyn- 19 months I attribute some of the issues that I’m currently working out with my therapist to a childhood devoid of touch. My father virtually never touched me as far as I can remember, and my mother hardly ever did either. It has taken me a long time to overcome my issues of trust and intimacy. Please give your child a hug now! Jenna, mom of Kaitlyn- 19 months

]]> by: Amanda http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36878 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 02:04:03 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36878 Hi Ellen, what a timely article. My 7-year-old son has been brushing off my usual "welcome home" hugs, but he does like the night-time snuggles. Thanks for all the great advice! Hi Ellen, what a timely article. My 7-year-old son has been brushing off my usual “welcome home” hugs, but he does like the night-time snuggles. Thanks for all the great advice!

]]> by: Ellen C. Braun http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36877 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 01:59:38 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/hunger-for-touch/#comment-36877 The truth is that I actually wrote this article a year ago, and I've become even more passionate about this topic since then. A busy week (one son got stitches in his forehead, another fell off his bike...) was another reason I decided to bring an older article back to life! Keep on loving all the small souls! Ellen The truth is that I actually wrote this article a year ago, and I’ve become even more passionate about this topic since then. A busy week (one son got stitches in his forehead, another fell off his bike…) was another reason I decided to bring an older article back to life!

Keep on loving all the small souls!

Ellen

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