Comments on: I’m Bored!

By: Shannon

Shannon — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 22:22:49 +0000

I never respond to boredom by assigning chores. Chores are not a negative thing in this house; I am teaching my children how to manage their own household, not how to detest or dread housework.

When my kids say “what can I do, I’m bored?” I say “Hmm, I wonder…” and as many here have said, simply be a sounding board for their ideas. I will not suggest something.

However – I also think there is often NO need to fill the space. Sometimes boredom is a masked fear of being “empty” – without task or activity – or a feeling that it’s “not approved” for them to simply sit around and do nothing. Many parents, upon seeing their kids do nothing, will fill that gap. We tend to fill our empty spaces with tasks, toys, activities, and noise. I let my kids experience and enjoy downtime whenever they need to.

So, sometimes they are truly bored, sometimes they want to snuggle, and sometimes they have an opportunity to listen to their inner voice, think, ponder, or just relax.

By: Barb

Barb — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 04:25:26 +0000

I have solved the “I’m bored” problem. When presented with those two words, I present my children with a chore that needs to be done; folding the clothes, cleaning up the craft corner, cleaning out under their beds. Our kids are 10 and 7, the seven year old has autism and requires some extra gudiance, but the bordoms are gone!!! {:-)

By: furniture bathroom concept

furniture bathroom concept — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 09:09:35 +0000

furniture bathroom concept

By: Jey

Jey — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 03:22:59 +0000

When one of my sons, who can entertain himself quite well, says, “I’m bored”, I think it means he wants to spend time with me.

When my other son, who can’t entertain himself well, says he is bored, it means he wants the TV or computer!

By: Tanya

Tanya — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 22:35:59 +0000

I have a different problem. Our 7 y.o. daughter and 5 y.o. son play together all the tiime. I tell people they play like twins. They are rarely bored because they are very creative and spend a lot of time with printer paper, crayons, glue, scissors,etc… However, our daughter is starting to want her “alone time” and our son is not handling this so well. He says, “Gracie doesn’t want to play with me!” with big crocodile tears in his eyes. I tell him it’s a great chance for him to do whatever he wants to do. He usually stomps off or holds up his arms to be held. This usually happens just as I’m getting supper made. Is there a really good way to handle this?

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By: Billie

Billie — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 11:36:11 +0000

I have a 6 year old and a 2 year old, obviously on different levels emotionally and physically. My 6 year old daughter is the one I hear the boredom speach from most often. I usually list 3 things I know she likes to do: Barbies, reading, arts and crafts. If her whining persists, I list 3 chores: cleaning the bathroom, sweeping the kitchen, or organizing Daddy’s CD’s. She ALWAYS chooses an activity – usually in the privacy of her bedroom. Works every time!

By: Kyla Hamilton

Kyla Hamilton — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 14:00:07 +0000

I suffer from intence Mommy guilt!! I feel I am not doing the right stuff with my kids to allow them to grow and mature independently.
Does anyone have any suggestions to get past the Mommy guilt and still playing with kids so they get the best of me and I get the best of them but also allowing me to rest and regain my sanity at the end of my busy day?

Kyla

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 13:37:26 +0000

Challenge your kids to come up with a dinner meal. Provide cookbooks so they can select the meal (with parameters!). Our kids (age 11 and 15) pick things they can make on their own (w/ supervision) and with the ingredients we have on hand. We’ve had a lot of strange dinners, but it was fun. Also, get a long term activity going. We have an old table they are painting (any colors they want) and then adding glued on tiles. Pretty funky. Let them paint their bedroom furniture. However, the “chore” thing always works!

By: Carrie

Carrie — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 15:00:03 +0000

Ooh I can’t stand to hear those words. Bored people are boring. I don’t solve this problem. I might ask the child if they would like some suggestions, or offer to read a story, but if they’re just lacking in motivation, then I assign a chore. That changes the mood real fast

By: mar

mar — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 22:21:39 +0000

are you kidding me. What child would say,
“Hey I think I’ll clean my room and then play.”???

I like the idea of giving them a ball of string,
paper bags or something and let them go. then they usually will get creative, though usually quite messy with my boys.

By: jennifer boze

jennifer boze — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 00:37:09 +0000

Cathy, You and your soon to be husbnad need to sit all of the children down and set the ground rules for the household. They need to be told what is acceptable behavior and what the consequences are for acting out. Maybe get a poster and have them help number and list the rules. Each child gets their own column and they get a star or siley face for every rule that they follow each day, and at the end of the day, the one with the most smiley faces gets a special treat – be it extra TV or computer time, alone time with mom or dad, or extra allowance. You are in a tough position and need the FULL support of your fiance on this. If his children see that you are both a team with the same rules and consequences, they will be more apt to follow the rules. If they see that dad is a pushover, your life will always be chaotic and your children will suffer.

By: Debbi

Debbi — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 11:06:58 +0000

I guess I get a bit sassy when I hear those words. LOL I usually reply with, “Oh, why didn’t you tell me sooner? I have a load of laundry to be folded, a sink of dishes to be loaded into the dishwasher…etc…”

Usually my children choose to play their musical instruments, or read a book…rather than come to me to solve that problem! LOL They know I’ll put them to work if they haven’t decided how to make themselves “unbored”.

It’s a technique my mother used, and it works just as well for my kids as it did on me! It’s amazing how smart your parents become…when you become a parent. LOL

LadyPoet

By: cathy

cathy — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 06:34:23 +0000

I am in need of some guidance, this is my first time here. my two children and my soon to be two step children (older) bicker all the time, they don’t get along. And I think the older ones are a negative influence on mine. they’re rude, ill mannered, lazy and have bad habits. How in the world are we going to cohabitate without them negatively influencing my children. (4,6,8,10) And they don’t feel the need to listen to me because I’m not their “real mother” who doesn’t even see them. Also how can I positively encourage them to improve without getting myself burned?

By: Sharon

Sharon — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 00:44:10 +0000

OUCH Lisa, sorry to offend. None intended.

The only other thing I can suggest (since no-one else seems to be commenting) is that you try to let him play where you are, while still getting stuff done.

You might have to explain to him that while you love him and are so happy that he wants to be near you and spend time with you, you have to play by yourself for a little while. Even if it means some initial tears on his part.

Explain to him that it makes you feel really special that he wants to be with you, but that he has to let you have time to get some things done as well. Maybe you could try little bits of time and then increase it as you go.

3 1/2 is an age where you can start to really reason with kids and get them to understand your perspective. I am sure it will be hard for you and him while you work this out.

It will be an adjustment period of learning for both of you. For him it will be hard to learn he can’t have your (or someone elses) attention 24/7 and for you, it will be hard to say no, and stick with it.

Of course I don’t really know your situation b/c I don’t know you or your child. You may want to ask his teacher or your other friends who know you guys better.

Every child is different and it will probably take some time and different approaches to help your son not need you as his play date. My advice is not directed personally at your son, please don’t take offense. it is just based on my experience working with children.

Good luck

By: Sharon

Sharon — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 01:07:20 +0000

If I had the entire answer within, I wouldn’t have asked for input from others.

Alex is very relational and prefers the company of others than playing on his own. He often seems disinterested in using his building blocks, lego’s, art work puzzles etc. He is very physical and prefers movement than cognitive sit down activities. (biking, running, ball etc). He’s been to all kinds if groups, classes and activities since beginning at six months old.
He didn’t like to be left on his own to play, sleep for very long.

He is now in pre-school two mornings a week. He does pretend play. It’s not that he doesn’t know how to play by himself. I think he just prefers the attention/company from others. He is very interested in music and spends a lot of time drumming, singing and playing his guitar. From the time he was born, he wanted to be held and close and to this day that remains true. He wants his peers to play with him and often disrupts them if they go off with their own activity.

Any other thoughts?

By: deb

deb — Sat, 20 Jan 2007 23:23:58 +0000

I really liked Kim’s reply (#12) about how she was hoping someone would be bored so the towels could get folded! I teach middle school and that is exactly the kind of stuff they would respond to (if delivered with a smile!).

thanks for the help!

By: Sandra

Sandra — Sat, 20 Jan 2007 16:17:42 +0000

My son is turning 5. All of a sudden, he’s bored! He never used to be bored. When he was younger he knew how to occupy himself….he was happy playing on his own with his toys, until now. When I give him a specific chore to do, such as: pick up the blocks that you finished playing with and put them back into the block bin, he will ask for my help because the job seems too big for him. I usually pitch in. (I’m hoping this is teaching him that it’s good to help others.) I’m still trying to tackle this boredom issue. Thanks for the advice in the artilce.

By: Sharon

Sharon — Sat, 20 Jan 2007 00:24:06 +0000

In response to Lisa, I think only you can answer your own question. How responsible do you think you need to be to provide stimulation and act as a play date?

My son is an only child as well, but from the time he was about 5 months I began giving him “independent” playing time. For my sanity, but more importantly for him.

Some kids have to be taught how to be OK with being alone and playing by themselves. Not all children are creative and imaginative on their own.

My son would have no idea how to make his cars, trains and animals talk to each other unless I had shown him. Over Christmas he learned how to play in his pretend kitchen, making snacks and meals for mommy and daddy.

3 1/2 is a great age and unless your son has a medical condition that might make it harder for him to learn to play independently, you might be able to teach him how and give yourself a break.

It will take alot of time and effort on your part, but better now, than for the next 15 years.

By: Analili

Analili — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 23:16:29 +0000

We were getting ready for a 4-hour trip when the comment came from a 10-year old nephew: I’m bored. I heard a very interesting response from one of his uncles:
“I’m glad you’re bored. That’s excellent. That means you will appreciate more those times when you have fun. You will have a whole weekend full of cousins, receptions, and games. You’ll love the holtel pools.”
Clever, huh?

By: Vicki

Vicki — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 21:20:33 +0000

When my children (ages 5, 6, and 9) say they are bored, I tell them to clean their rooms and they won’t be so “bored”. Miraculously, they find something else (and much more creative) to do and the boredom has ended. (Although, the rooms are still messy!:))

By: lisa

lisa — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 19:23:29 +0000

how responsible is a parent to provide stimulation and act as a play date for a 3.5 year iold boy who has no siblings and doesn’t like to play independenly??

By: Arly R. Wills

Arly R. Wills — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 18:21:06 +0000

Actually, I think kids don’t get really bored just tired about the same things. As Cindy says: “Toys offer only temporary satisfaction” and kids nowdays are full of energy and always anxious for learn new things and try differents adventures. So, when your kids think they’re “bored” just listen them. If you take a minute of your time with your help and guidance, kids always find out how many differents things they can do, just using their imagination.
And great alternative to eliminate “boredom” is chores alternatives. Kids love we let them get involve in whatever we’re doing: filing papers, peeling potatoes, trading market, folding towells ….
My son, 5 y.o. love to try science experiments. Now we use ordinary materials like vinegar, string, eggs and paper to make extraordinary things. Now at the same time he is learning why things happen in the way they do he get blast fun!

By: Kathryn

Kathryn — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 17:04:00 +0000

Excellent article! I love the ideas and the tone that you apply to the parent/child exchanges. I am a big fan of the “Love and Logic” approach and it’s wonderful to find more examples supporting the philosophy of lovingly teaching our children to be independent and responsible. Thank you so much!

By: Jim Fay

Jim Fay — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 15:19:16 +0000

Ellen,
I sent you an email asking if you speak at conferences. Didn’t get a response.
You might want to check out our web site, loveandlogic.com. You can read about our conferences. Call or emai if you are interested.
Jim Fay
800 338 4065
303 883 3541