You have just settled yourself in front of the computer to read an interesting article (perhaps one of mine!) and then you hear the two words which grate on your nerves: “I’m bored!”
It is understandable that you feel frustrated. Aside from being interrupted, the reason for the interruption is irritating- why can’t she find something to do with her free time on her own?
Taking a step back from the situation at hand, you may wonder, is it your job as a parent to keep your child entertained 24/7?
If so, what can you do when your son has finished playing with the hundreds of dollars of toys that clutter up the entire house? And if not, how should you respond to those desperate cries of boredom?
Boredom is a problem faced by your child. The question that must be addressed is: Who is responsible for solving a child’s problems?
Obviously if a child is too young to complete a specific task, it is your job as a parent to do it for him. For example, if your child cannot pour himself a drink, it is your responsibility to pour the water for him.
However, what about the numerous cases where your child truly is capable of solving a problem, yet she chooses not to? Is it your responsibility to step in and address the situation for her?
There are several options from which you can choose:
1) You may decide to solve the problem for your child. Generally, this is the quickest and most efficient way of addressing the problem. For example, you may help your school-age child get into pajamas in order to expedite the bedtime process even though your son has been perfectly capable of getting dressed on his own for quite some time.
This method will usually stop the child’s whining the fastest; however by doing so on a regular basis, you may hinder your child’s emotional maturity by fostering his dependency upon your help.
2) You could decide not to offer your child any help at all. “Honey, you know how to that type of worksheet, and I’m not going to get up to help you out.”
By explaining to your child that the problem is his responsibility you will foster independence, yet your child may feel emotionally deprived. Perhaps he will accuse you of not caring about him via the all-too-familiar manipulative, “You don’t love me!”
3) You can decide to help your child without taking the responsibility away from your child. Your goal is to offer enough guidance so that your child can complete the task on his own. Through your verbal or physical assistance your child will have the opportunity to solve the problem and gain valuable problem-solving skills that will serve him for years to come.
For example, suppose your daughter pleads, “I can’t get my bike out of the shed- Nate’s bike is in front of mine.” Assuming that you are aware that she is perfectly capable of maneuvering the larger bike out of the way, you may choose to respond, “It can be frustrating when a bigger bike is blocking yours. How about wheeling Nate’s bike all the way out of the shed so that there is lots of room to take out your bike?” In this manner you supply guidance and demonstrate concern without taking control of the situation.
Back to boredom!
When your son runs towards you stating, “I’m bored!” he is actually letting you know, “I have this problem called boredom and I don’t know what to do. I want you to solve this problem for me.”
What are some ways that you as the parent can offer guidance yet avoid taking responsibility for his boredom?
Son: I’m sooooo bored.
Parent: Oh, you don’t know what to do? That can feel really awful.
Son: Yes, I hate being bored!
Parent: It seems that you want me to help you out, but I’m not sure what you want me to do for you.
Son: Well, I like to play soccer, but it’s raining outside and you don’t let me play ball in the living room anymore.
Note: Be aware of manipulative behavior, where your child requests that you suspend a household rule or asks for treats that are reserved for special occasions.
Parent: That’s right, since we got the glass china closet there is no more ball playing in the living room.
Son: The living room has lots of room for soccer. The playroom is full of toys- it’s so crowded in there.
Parent: So, you’d really like to play soccer but the playroom is too messy?
Son: Yeah, if there weren’t so many toys in the playroom I could have a great game. You know what? I think I’m going to clean up all the toys really fast and then I’ll play a great game of soccer in the playroom!
Here’s an alternate manner in which your conversation may play out:
Daughter: I’m bored.
Parent: Oh, that’s terrible. You don’t know what to do.
Daughter: Yeah, I was going ride my bike but it’s raining, and then Lori was going to come over but then she had to cancel.
Parent: That’s really disappointing- when your plans don’t work out.
Daughter: Now I’m so bored!
Parent: Hmm, let’s think about what you like to do.
Daughter: I like playing with my friends but I called a bunch and nobody seems to be home today.
Parent: Oh, so your friends are not available now. What are some things that you like doing on your own?
Daughter: All the things I like doing are outdoors and it’s pouring. It’s not fair!
Parent: What did you do in camp when it was raining?
Daughter: We did arts-and-crafts activities. Hey, may I take a bunch of white papers out of the printer to make a ‘Welcome Home’ sign for Grandma?
These techniques will require practice and you may find yourself rushing into your former job of the ‘problem solver’. In the long run, however, teaching your child to take responsibility will teach him self reliance, boost his self confidence, and aid him in thinking of ways to entertain himself so that you can get back to the computer and finish reading that interesting article. (It was one of mine, wasn’t it?)
Happy reading:)
