Musings on “Life Is Not Fair” & Sarah Palin
Politics aside, as I learn more about Sarah Palin, John McCain’s vice presidential running mate, some deep parenting questions surface within my heart.
Governor Palin is a mother of five children. Trig, the four-month-old baby has been diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome. At seventeen years of age, Bristol, her eldest daughter, is expecting a baby this winter.
Despite meticulous planning and enormous efforts, life does not always materialize in the way which we had imagined it would. Undoubtedly, several years ago, Sarah Palin would not have predicted that her family would find itself in its current situation.
I find myself wondering, what would I do if my teenage daughter told me that she was pregnant? How would I react if my teenage son informed me that he was going to become a father? What is the appropriate reaction to the myriad of events that may occur, those that are not in line with our plans for the future?
The bigger question that begs to be asked is: If it can be so challenging for me to deal with life’s various hurtles, it must be even harder for children to deal with disappointments. If parents sometimes get angry or resort to blaming others for the unfairness of life, how can we expect our children to accept all that comes their way with equanimity?
Let us make the assumption that children are not born instinctively understanding and accepting the fact that life is not fair.
“It’s not fair!” is the mantra of all children; and the truth is that life is absolutely unfair- some of us have more blessings than others. What can we parents do to help our children deal with inevitable disappointments that crop up from time to time?
I just got home from a wilderness program for teenage boys. Most of them were sixteen years old and addicted to illegal drugs. Every teenager faces some complications; why is it that some teens are unable to cope with their problems; why do they feel compelled to run away from the predicament and escape to a world of drug or alcohol addiction?
The answer is that that particular child did not know how to deal with disappointment. In all probability, he is not completely at fault; and the culture around him can be blamed.
The need to eliminate disappointment is a reflection of today’s social norms. Recall the commercials featuring a man suffering from severe heartburn after eating a slice of pizza. The next clip shows the same guy polishing off a double-cheeseburger, smiling calmly at the camera as he holds a bottle of white pills that eliminated the symptoms of heartburn. Have you ever wondered what kind of message that sends our children?
Simply stated, the moral of the commercial is this: You do not need to endure pain!
Similar advertisements for pain-relieving pills abound. While I would never discourage one from swallowing some Excedrin to rid yourself of a headache, the reality is that we are living in an unprecedented age of ‘I-should-not-feel-any-pain’.
In fact, some medications are detrimental to reducing a fever, because the higher temperature of the body caused by the fever is actually the vehicle that kills the infection. Popping pills to reduce a fever can sometimes cause the illness to last longer in one’s body.
And so it is with the mind and soul.
Regular pill-popping to reduce heartburn can cause you to ignore the benefits of healthy eating in favor the immediate taste and sensation of pizza and fries.
Swallowing depression-alleviating-tablets can cause you to bypass the source of the sadness, and focus only on eliminating the unpleasant symptoms.
Banishing symptoms can definitely make you feel better. Yet, overlooking the cause of the symptoms virtually guarantees that newer and more dangerous symptoms will arise.
It might be the heart attack due to the blocked arteries stuffed with hamburger remnants, which you were able to eat since your pill eliminated the heartburn. Or, it could be the breakup of a marriage due to nagging feelings of low-self-woth that had been effectively swept under the carpet by depression medication.
The fuse will blow when overloaded by multiple appliances because it is not a good idea for the electricity to overheat and cause a fire. Some people react to a blown fuse by turning off some of their gadgets. Others prefer to ignore the hot fuse, slight aroma of smoke, and singed wires, and keep restarting the fuse until it will no longer operate.
Symptoms are warning bells being sounded. The ringing of the bells are not the problems; the cause of their chiming is the true issue.
Drug and alcohol usage and overly disrespectful behavior are a piercing cry for help. The cause of the cry, not its decibel level, must be addressed. Just as you would not tinker with the fire-house’s bell to battle a raging fire, do not make the mistake of exclusively addressing the child’s behavior when dealing with a teenager in distress.
The child who is addicted to harmful substances, or acting out in inappropriate manners, has not learned to deal with disappointment. Life’s sorrows have overwhelmed her ability to handle distress; therefore she turned to the bottle.
Disappointments come in all shapes and sizes. They begin at birth, when an infant leaves the comfort of the womb with a heart-wrenching cry. Leading an optimistic, cheerful family is no contradiction to teaching your child to expect and realize that life is far from perfect. Allow him to mourn the stolen bicycle or broken toy without rushing out to immediately purchase a replacement to assuage his tears.
When a young child is given the time to mourn, and the gentle touch of comfort to help her through the loss of her favorite doll carriage, she learns a valuable life lesson; how to deal with sadness. She will develop the category in her brain that will serve as a reference to mourn, express sadness, accept the disappointment, and then move onward. She will access this essential skill when she is teased about her braces, dumped by her boyfriend, dismissed from the softball team, and rejected by the college of her choice.
The ability to mourn, accept heartache, and resolutely move ahead is what sets apart the teenagers who thrive from the ones who are slaves to addictions. The children who were taught to deal with the unfortunate events that are part of the package we call ‘life’ will definitely encounter bumps as they grow up. However, they have the strength of character and emotional wherewithal to dust themselves off, and get back on their feet. The other children, who were spoiled by always having Mom or Dad wipe their tears away, handed sweets or expensive toys to wash away the memory of a disappointing event, will be headed for trouble in their teen years. When the cookie or new plaything is no longer able to wash away their sadness, they will be on the lookout for something bigger to allay their distress. And it will be all too easy for them to find it.
So, when your three-year-old cries over the broken red crayon, hold him and say, “I know, sweetie, you really liked that crayon, and now it’s broken. Sometimes disappointing things just happen.” Resist the urge to say, “Oh, Sweetie, don’t worry, Mommy is going to buy you a new crayon right away!” Perhaps you will buy him another crayon; whether you do so or not is totally irrelevant. The important, essential point is that he learned that sad things happen, and they need to be accepted.
It’s a fact: In the course of a happy childhood, the ability to deal with sadness when the child is young, will prevent the scathing pain of addiction when the child has grown older.
When we raise our children we are not looking for the quick-fix pill, rather, for the healing touch that endures forever.
EDIT: As I read some of the comments, I realize that my thought process regarding the linkage of Sarah Palin and dealing with the unfairness of life was not entirely clear.
So, here goes: As I watched the media focus on all of Governor Palin’s personal issues, I wondered where, exactly, one can find a family of seven without any problems??? Then I continued to wonder- does the media think that Sarah Palin made a decisive, conscious choice to have her seventeen-year-old daughter become pregnant? We all know that as much as we’d like to, we cannot control everything that teenagers do these days. Imagine if Governor Palin’s response to Trig’s birth and Bristol’s pregnancy was- ‘Oh, no, my career is over, my life is going to be so difficult from now one, I am a victim of circumstances, this is all so unfair!’ Sarah’s response to the media, (which I can’t locate right now) about giving her daughter love and support throughout the difficulties involved in having a child were my inspiration to write this article. It is refreshing to see someone who can deal with things not going precisely as planned, and still stay strong. I hope that helps:)
Related posts:
To all the Sarah fans: Do you have a job? With benefits and health care? Does it pay more than minimum wage? Many times the therapy, assistive devices and schooling for our kids must come out of our own pockets. What happens to your kid if you are part of the vast ocean of working poor? Also, if you live in 2008 and think bringing up racism is not valid, I ask you this: why cite sexism and not racism, and, by the way, what color is the sky in your world?
Annie – and your point is? That is why people go to college to get a better pay. Please do not tell me that it is too hard because I did it on my own with NO help. I worked two/three jobs and was told I made too much to get any help. These jobs paid for my school, car, and a place to live. I do not think racism is valid is just does not have to be brought up everytime. There is a place and a time for this conversation and now everyone has to bring it up. As I have also said a lot of the negative comments are just women who are jealous.
American is not to give handouts it’s a chance to work hard and with that work there are benefits. Again, I think it is so sad that people have to attack other people.
Ps. I meant…I DO think racism is valid just does not have to be brought up everytime.
Following your logic, only the college educated
are valid/deserve a decent lifestyle/contribute anything to this country. Many of us “made it” the same as you did, but did not lose our compassion and willingness to help those less fortunate Americans. After all, its what our country was based on. Also, when men disagree about candidates, they never resort to accusing each other of being jealous of the candidate! That alone is sexist.
I am somewhat offended by Sarah Palin’s nomination. It seems like the assumption is that any woman will do- Sarah Palin is certainly not interchangeable with Hillary Clinton. While I do believe that women can have a successful career and raise successful children, I think that it’s a precarious balancing act that requires setting careful priorities. I am a mother of two (so far) very successful children- good grades, involved in lots of extracurricular activities, talented, good social lives, well-balanced and emotionally healthy. However, it has required some professional sacrifices on my part. At a critical time in my children’s lives, I had to leave a job I loved with upward mobility. I’m currently working in a job that is professional and most people would view as a great job, but I know it is well below my capabilities and it provides little to no upward mobility. However, I firmly believe that my children’s current success is built on that investment I made in them several years ago. My point is this- If Sarah Palin is going to preach right to life, then she also needs to preach responsibility for those lives we bring forth. I doubt seriously that she will be able to provide her children with the amount of support they currently need and also be a good vice president of the United States. There’s a big difference between an overworked mother of five, at least two of whom have special needs, and an experienced stateswoman who has already raised her one (successful) child.
I am amazed at the anger in these posts. What is happening to this country? When will people stop taking all this so personally and realize that anger is distructive to our country.
There is a way to think differently and hear other’s ideas. There is a time to sit and give another person a chance to talk. I was raised in a devoted democrate home. I listened to anger and vulgarity all my life as a child and couldn’t understand why. I am 47 and still don’t understand it. I think people look foolish fighting and hurting eachother. Foolish.
I know it will never end because people are afraid. Afraid that the other guy might win. Afraid that they are wrong. Afraid that they are not going to be heard. Fear. Or is it pride? I don’t know.
Looking at how the people of this country act towards eachother, it doesn’t surprise me how the politicians and other countries act toward us. It is all the same. Pride, fear, anger….foolishness. Don’t expect better if you can’t give better.
Now, watch the anger that this post causes. A self reflection post and people will explode. hmmmm…that would bring us back to pride.
To all of you out there…please try to remember that we are all “people first” and as such should be refered to that way. Our children have special needs, they are not special needs. If you want others to view them as people first and not as their diagnosis, you must refer to them as people first. Therefore it would be “a child with special needs” NOT “a special needs child”. It may seem like a little thing but words can have a great impact on how our children are judged and treated. One wouldn’t refer to a child who has cancer as “a cancer child” so one shouldn’t refer to a chld who has Down syndrome as ” a Down syndrome” child. It is simply a respectful way of speaking and we all deserve respect.
ARF, That was beautiful!! You said everything and more that I have been trying to teach my children, particully my dauaghter and now my grandaughters. It hasn’t alway been this way. Our Mothers and Grandmothers paid a price for our freedom of choice. Thank you so much for putting it in such perfect wording. Gloria
Sorry for the typo (daughters).
Although I did not care for the article referencing a hotly debated political topic, the basic premise was well said and thought out. It seems that the message has been lost by the vehicle of reference and ensuing melee of e-resonses. What is truly disturbing to me, is the level of anger and retalitory comments raging through this blog. There are comments when read that have serious tones of sexism, racism and bullying. Is this the behaviour or beleif system that we exhibit in raising our small souls? Can not a discussion be civil enough to agree to disagree? Although we all may have differing political viewpoints and opnions on the candidates, can we not treat each other with the same respect that we are hopefully teaching our children to have for others? And what of the article content…has that been lost?
Ellen,
I believe the comments you were refering to about Sarah Palin and dealing with her teenage daughter’s pregnancy can be found on People.com in the article titled “Sarah Palin’s Teenage Daughter Pregnant”. As a 32 year old mom of a 13 year old wonderful son, I commend Sarah for standing behind her teenage daughter. I can relate to how scared Bristol may be and how worried she was to tell her parents. There is nothing she needs more right now than to know she has her families support! Though this may not be what they wanted for their daughter at this age.
My family stood behind me when I was 18 and told them I was pregnant (just 19 when he was born). I was terrified to tell them because I know I had let them down. To my surprise, they stood behind me and supported me all the way. I could not have done it without them.
Well Joanne,
Your lack of knowledge about what Sarah Palin endorses and believes in is obvious in your posting. She has never spoke out against the use of non-abortifacient contraceptives (that would be birth control that doesn’t cause an early abortion). She is a strong believer that life begins at conception and that something as intimate as sex should be reserved for those partnered in marriage. Her daughter did what a good number of teens do…she rebelled against her parents teaching….I suppose you’ve never done that? Your ignorance about the candidate you oppose is appalling! While I would not vote for Obama, it’s because I’ve RESEARCHED what he stands for and what he’s voted on in the past. I make my choices by educating myself, not listening to what others in my “camp” say about the opponent. Go find out what she stands for or against prior to posting next time. And, it might be a good idea to avoid using “text-message” profanity on here, it really does not make you look smart, professional, or polite!
Annie you are not following my logic at all, but as I am sure you can read many people’s minds you are reading mine…NOT. A lot of these comments are plain and simple jealously and if you cannot take the truth in that then I am sorry for you. Explain to me how my comments are sexist? Maybe you should look the word up in the dictionary before you accuse someone of it. To say my comments are sexist is pretty ridiculous. I have included both men and women in my comments but right now we are talking specifically about Palin (who I guess you forgot is a woman).
Of all people I would think the people on this website would be a little more understanding. To again say how well in your opinion Palin will do with her family and be the Vice President is not up to you to say. I know people are not as perfect as you and many of the other people on this website and I am sure your children are completely perfect. As I wrote before, I am not perfect and I will not judge her and her family. I know many people with parents working full-time and moms who stay at home and their teenaged kids have messed up.
Diane – great comment!
I don’t want to start a debate about who is and who isn’t fit to be a VP or a parent…that isn’t what this article was about. I do want to make a comment though…why is it wrong for Sarah Palin to run for VP and her husband be the primary caretaker of the kids but it isn’t wrong for Barack Obama to run for President while his wife is by his side the whole time? There are many families out there that are the same but not in the public eye. My husband travels several weeks at a time for his job while I also work full time and raise 2 kids, does this make me a bad parent?
This is the first post I have read at this website. My curiosity was sparked by the name of the article and the direction in which it would lead. Ugh. I’m disappointed that women continue the incessant tearing down of one another over their abilities/inabilities to work and raise families. The constant bickering within our own gender is divisive and what keeps us considered “The Second Sex” in the words of Simone De Beauvoir. Wake up and stop ripping on one another…the term cat fight was not coined on men and didn’t originate in a vacuum. Sorry, but we need to wake up and stop fighting each other. We’re all trying to raise and love our children the best we can while teaching them responsibility for their actions, possibility for their dreams and compassion for all.
My feelings about this article are that it definately is getting a lot of attention and getting a lot of us thinking. I do know I had many discussions with my blended family about life not being fair. My husband and I have completely different parenting styles. I feel each person is an individual and what works for one can be very detrimental for another. This may be because I do have a child with special needs. I ended up divoricing a few years after he was born. I worked two full time jobs so that I could pay his medical bills. I had a family who supported what I was doing because my childs needs came first and medication and hospitals and doctors were a must. I did have good insurance but any insurance still has deductibles and coinsurance portions and non covered items. His medical bills were not paid until he was eight years old. He and I are very close and sometimes I am his best friend and he is nineteen years old. When things need to be done, you do them. You find the support you need and you do it. When you learn that you are not the only one in this world and God gave you many other people to help you live the best life you can, then you will get some where in this world. It looks to me as if the Palin family supports each other.
Has it ever crossed some peoples minds that Sarah’s daughter may have wanted to be there to support her mom. That she was not being flaunted for her mother’s political gains. Maybe she is proud of her mom and wants to show it despite other people’s comments about her actions. It was quite clear that they are a family and even the youngest daughter is allowed to help care for the baby which is what families do.
Life is important and if we do not respect that, we are lost. Life is not fair or perfect. It is what we make it. If we did not have sadness we would not know what happiness is, etc. Not allowing our children to experience all types of feelings does not make them a whole person, whether they have special needs or not. If they do not feel whole or satisfied with themselves, they will find something to help fill that void. Addictions run on both sides of my sons’ families. I educate them and let them know that if they do not want a substance to run their lives, if they want a better life, they need to not allow that to happen. I try to take responsibility for my actions and the consequences. Most people who want to be good parents do the same.
We are lucky we live in a country where we can make the comments being made here. God Bless America and all the people in it.
I’m disappointed with Sarah for putting her pregnant daughter in the national spot light! Sarah is very young and I’m sure this will not be her only chance at the White House. But she has only one shot to be a mother to a young pregnant teenager. Sarah’s doesn’t need to quit her job as governor and sit next to her daughter and hold her hand but the job of VP is NOT your average 40 hour a week job! Who is taking her youngest baby to therapy which he needs!?! I’m sure Dad can do it or a sitter. I’m a mother who has sat through hours and hours of therapy with my child. I want to be there! I don’t want anyone else to do my job for me! I want to be the one making sure my child with a disability reaches his fullest potential. It appears to me her family is screaming for her. This is not the same for Obama… He only has 2 daughters that are still young and can be sheltered from some of the media attention. They also are typical children. If Obama is President they will also suffer from a very busy and absent father. I feel Sarah’s family needs her more than the country does.
I am amazed how completely judgemental the group of parents on this website are. Sarah Palin’s daughter getting pregnant makes her no worse of a parent or unqualified to be VP of the United States of America. Sarah Palin raised a child who had free will, and made a choice and she is helping her live with those consequences. By using that logic it would be the same as to say that if Obama’s daughter gets on the honor roll then he must be the better parent…WRONG! Once again children have their own free will and make their own choices, you can’t make anyone do anything. My husband barely graduated from high school because he didn’t like the structure, but then got a 4.0 all through college. On the other hand I was a perfect 3.5 student, joined all the clubs, but was also out making bad choices with alcohol. Who had the better parents? Neither, each set did best with what parenting knowledge they had and what they knew about their child.
I have been very offended by all the comments saying that the mother has to be home. My father raised me for the first year of my life while my mother worked and he did a fabulous job. Sarah Palin’s husband may work full-time know but that would most likely change if they were to move to the White House. And even if it didn’t, I know plenty of families where both parents work no less than 50-60 hours a week, their child is in childcare, and has Down Syndrome or some other special need and still gets all the help/early services that he/she needs. This is where the idea of “It takes a village to raise a child” comes from. How narrow-minded and sad to think that only one or two people (mom & dad) should influence a child.
My son has been in treatment for a little over a year now for his substance abuse issues. While I do know that he had a difficult time coping with disappointments we were not ones to try and make it “all better”. Also his sister with whom he is close to, was raised just as he was and has always done well. Addiction is not neccessarily something that happens because of the way you are raised but is rather something that happens because of the way each individual responds to what life hands them either emotionally or circumstantially.
Sondra,
Some of the more rabid liberals had been posting on a blog spot for the whole world to see that it was actually her daughter, Bristol, that had given birth to little Trig, her infant son with Down’s Syndrome. Sarah wanted to squelch those rumors to protect her family, so she felt she needed to come forward and be upfront with Bristol’s real pregnancy. It looks like the “little plan” those scumbags tried to cook up backfired and it actually has made the Palin family look more typical and likable (and much more easy to relate to) than the Obama family could ever hope for! Someone commented earlier from an Democratic point of view about the future of healthcare, especially having to pay out-of-pocket for therapies and such with regards to special needs children. She
apparently missed Governor Palin’s speech the other night where Sarah Palin said that as a special needs parent, you will have a friend in the White House who understands what it’s like. I don’t wish to make assumptions, but it sounds like to me, things are going to get a little easier for the parents of special needs children in regards to accessing and affording treatments and therapies if she becomes the VP. That being said, we should all be prompted to put aside our political differences and look to the best candidate to represent and follow-through on what’s most important to our own families!
I have NO issue with Sarah Palin, her family issues, choices, none of these things matter to me. I say from the place of being a woman in business and in the public…All of the power to her.
I realize that nobody asked my opinion and it’s not like Sarah or anyone in her family is going to hear what I say and change their mind, so conversations like this really have no value. My opinion is only coming from the place that I understand to be true.
She can do anything she wants as long as she has BALANCE in her life. She has to pay herself and her family first, so her kids are NOT going to be (emotionally, spiritually) neglected because of her job. And yes, it is a job!
As a mother of a child with Schizophrenia, raising my grandson now, I am also a writer and teacher. I spend one weekend a month away from home, from Thursday to Tuesday. It takes me a week to prepare and another week to merge everything into financial reporting. And during my tours, I have to look at the amount of love and inspiration that I share with my son (grandson) is the most precious and valuable thing in my life I look at this child with some much adoration, that it makes my heart melt. And when people say to me, he is lucky.. my heart truly fills with so much love. No, I am the one who is lucky. And any mother reading these words knows what I am saying.
If she missed that to be VP, then sadly, both her and her children will not get the full benefits that she herself, can offer. Or we will miss out on something because this isn’t just a 9-5 job for anyone. So for me, this isn’t about her ability to do a job, I think the value in this lesson is that she is a mother.
That GIFT as you all know, cannot be traded for anything. Would you muss one moment of it… even the bad ones?
But how can you give, what you are offered to give, by God, by your heart… what you need to as a parent, when you are part of running this country.
My next concern quite frankly is Jon McCain’s health. He has had skin cancer twice, and he can’t even raise his arm above his head, or his shoulder. If he gets sick, as VP, she could be president?
Now, lets look at the family equation and the possibility of the Presidency. You become VP and are next in line and there is a real possibility that something will happen and she will lead this country.
So yes, she is able… but, BUT, what about the children. Is that what they deserve?
Now lets go to a woman with 5 children. How much time do you have left? It’s an investment with my son, our time is important. And every day I have promised to spend time just talking and hanging out, talking about our dreams. I watch my sister struggle with four children, two on SSI for disabilities. It’s an investment. Or it should be. Can you make the kind of investment to be a mother in a home and to lead a country?
On the pregnancy stuff, it’s a no brainer. This isn’t a judgment and it shouldn’t ge and she is handling it marvelously. But what sent chills down my spine was myself a as mother watching , listening to the words she spoke and the RNC. Did you hear the negativity coming from her at the convention. I want to know what the plan is to help our country… not what she said. the fact that she can OPENLY say some of the things that she did. If we are going to discuss morals, lets talk go back to the discussion of setting examples. If this appropriate as an example? Its ok to talk about people (perceived true or not) This distresses me as a parent. As a mother, what would you say if you were at the McDonalds playground and you heard one parent BASH another parent openly in front of the WORLD. Is THAT the lesson she wants to teach her children? They are not like Chelsea. they are grown. And I was for one, appalled at her behavior. It truly sadden me.
Cindy,
At least she has an idea! That is a heck of a lot more than Obama and Biden do!
I am amazed at the comments from people suggesting that Mrs.Palin’s children are going to suffer if she becomes the Vice President. What a privelege and an opportunity for a family!! One that offers scores of lessons on sacrifice, putting others first, patriotism, how it doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman, God can use you. Remember Esther?? She was put into her position as Queen by God “for such a time as this”. AND, Those children have TWO parents, and grandparents. What little “suffering” they do will be vastly overshadowed by the benefits of being in thier position.
Wow! What happened to Judge not lest you be judged? I’d have to imagine or at least hope that Gov. Palin when asked, did a lot of praying and a lot of listening for Christs’ guidance. But God has his reasons for giving her this opportunity. Just as he has given Sen. Biden this opportunity. I may never understand but God does.
Nice post Arf
#32 Joy – I don’t feel badly about my #4 post, as I didn’t introduce politics to this thread – it was introduced by the title of the article and mention of a very high profile political figure.
I am, however, taken aback by the frenzied discussion. I felt very strongly when I wrote my comment, and I can see the emotions are running high for many here.
There is much wisdom in these posts… wide-ranging life experiences, and various political and social views. The conversation is good for America, because too often people are checked out of the political process and we can’t afford that for this election. Perhaps we can all at least agree that it’s a good thing that Sarah Palin has brought real women’s issues to the forefront, regardless of how you feel about her positions on the economy, taxes, fuel, healthcare, education, etc.
Other than prepared speeches, we haven’t yet had a chance to get to know Sarah Palin. I’m hoping she will soon agree to be interviewed. I’m also interested in the October 2 VP debate.
I encourage anyone that wants to learn more about her policy positions to go to this website (another mom’s site) and ask her to share those positions with us.
http://salsa.democracyinaction.org/o/1768/tellafriend.jsp?tell_a_friend_KEY=3272
Wow, why does everything have to be black and white. it isnt either/or but and. there is so much we can take from what is happening. I only shared my views because I felt my heart was heavy by some keypoints that being a mother, were bothering me.
but abortion, regardless of you views, wasnt even part of this equation. and sadly, when you say things like this, it will not help the discussion
but widen it.
this isnt about republicans against democrats. this discussion was about a mother with 5 children, with some diffucult circumstances, running for he next step in connand – Commander in Chief.
so i am having a hard time swallowing the abortion comment. ”is it possible to leave JUDGMENT out of this conversation.
when you judge others, you are sayi it is ok to judge me.
doesnt it hurt you.
God said love One Another as I have Loved You.
I find Sarah Palin’s decision to run very strange. There is surely no reason why her husband can’t play a bigger role in the day to day family life. BUT, she will be missing out on all that. I know a lot of women HAVE to work….. how many do because they WANT to. She has these beautiful kids……and great for her if she is so extraordinary that she can be a mom to them and be vice president. The fact is she WILL be away from them a lot. I wonder why she would WANT to do that?
To Cindy-
So you are the expert on what it takes to raise a down syndrome child? What is wrong with a woman doing both – being a mother and a leader?? She obviously has done well thus far with being governor and having her children. Why don’t we let her make her own decisions. You don’t have to vote for her.
I could not even imagine raising my kids and having a full time job – but many women do it and do it well. Some women have a lot of drive, energy and intelligence. I think Sarah is one of those women.
I think that her position as VP would just open up to her family some amazing opportunities. Sure it would be challenging, but I bet you she won’t have to be cooking meals anymore
Look how much time that opens up for having fun with the kids 
They’ll probably see each other more now than a lot of “normal” families do.
As for your comments re her aborting her child?? You must be so afraid of someone like Sarah being VP. You are a frightening kind of person. The few families I know that have a down syndrome baby have expressed how much love that child has brought to their homes and how “easy” they are in comparison to a normal baby/toddler. I’d be careful about how you speak about someone else’s baby. You are letting the real you out for all to see…….
Fascinating thread-yes, I allow my children to know disapointment is a part of life. Yet each child (I have two) has learned the lesson differently. My son has a great deal of equanimity while my daugther is still fighting the “unfairness” of it all – she will learn and is maturing daily.
As a full time working mother, I know my children have lost out – luckily, I work out of the home, so I have always been there for scraped knees and arguments and last minute movie dates. Yesterday my daugther had an important audtition (she made it, yeah!) and pleaded with me to be there. I set all work aside, let it go, at a detriment to the business, to be there for/with her. The light shining in her eyes when I told her I would be there was well worth the loss of business- Sarah Palin will have to “not be there” thousands of times as VP, and already has not been there thousands as Governor. She will not be able to “let business go” to be there for her children. Strong opinion coming-shame on her. Shame on all of us who chose career for money, and self fulfillment rather than necessity, at the expense of their children. And it is always at the expense of their children, at least when they are young. Shame on me for not finding some way to live on my husbands teachers salary. I did not start working until the kids were 9 and 13, yet it was still too soon. Either your job or your children will suffer – fact. I am not happy my children have lost out of “me” time, but I know, had I worked outside the home, it would have been much worse. And as helpful as my husband is, a father cannot be a mother. Ladies, stay home with your babies unless you must work to put food in their mouths and a roof over their heads-and if you must, bless you, you are doing what you have to do, feel nothing but pride in your efforts. A bigger home or better car is not reason enough to leave them.
Wow, I’m sorry I don’t have time to read all of the wonderful responses. Irene’s response caught my eye. My feeling is that you can’t give 100% of yourself to your job and 100% of yourself to your family. One or the other suffers. Also, I’m not sure how the issues addressed quite tie together, but a “hot spot” for me is the need for Americans to not feel pain. Just look around! There’s a pill if you’re too fat, a pill if you can’t fall asleep; a pill for energy; a pill if you can’t keep your legs still; a drug called Viagra; a pill that’s supposed to revmove the fat from the (unhealthy) food you eat; a drug that provides birth control, stops your period and clears up your skin; pills if your attention span is too short; drugs for babies who have gas; and, as soon as your child sneezes, the doctor is ready with a prescription for antibiotics. Then there are the women having epidurals soon after the pregnacny test comes back positive…Stop!!!
You cannot give 100% to such a demanding job and 100% to your family. One of them will suffer.
I was fortunate to be able to stay home with my three children in their early years. I feel that the connections made in those years are priceless. When you leave your child in daycare from 6 to 6, you had better hope that the people raising your child (and that they are) have the same values, morals, ethics, etc. as you do. My husband and I sacrified a lot for me to be able to be an at-home mom in the formative years, but, moms, if you can stay home, DO IT! Single working moms-you are a different story, and my hat goes off to all of you!!!
You can cry sexism and double standards all you want. But, can Todd Palin breastfeed their baby? There are differences in moms and dads, male and female. We are NOT equal in every way. Ladies, did you want to talk to your DAD when you first got your period? For the majority of you, probably not. Get out of denial. Get with reality.
With respect to the way we refer to people with disabilities, try to Google “people first speech” or “people first language.” It helps with being more respectful of people with differing abilities. Sometimes people don’t know that they’re being insulting.
Wow, Ellen, I’m sorry you’re taking such a lashing here. Don’t they say to never talk religion or politics at a dinner party! Ha ha!