I do no support Sarah Palin for VP, but as for her actions as a mother, I have no right to criticize her choices, nor the actions of her children. And compared with the degrading family structure in our country, the fact that she has 4 typically developing children that can help care for and provide an abundance of love to Trig, and a husband, her family is in pretty good shape. I’m also sure she’s not hurting for want of money, so assistance in any family issues is probably no issue at all. She most likely, too, has family and friends who provide support in their unique ways, so I can’t agree that serving in the role of VP would have some negative impact on her family, even if I don’t support her political views.

The only part of the article I question is the statement “It’s a fact: In the course of a happy childhood, the ability to deal with sadness when the child is young, will prevent the scathing pain of addiction when the child has grown older.” The prevention of addiction is never guaranteed and so many variables can drive a person to become addicted to any kind of substance or behavior. Otherwise, I think this is a good and relevant article.

I’m so glad to hear someone else address the issue of overmedication. I think it sets a terrible example for our children.

Stunned in Connecticut.

The alcoholic, in order to stay sober, MUST learn to deal with lifes issues in order to facilitate their sobriety. Same with all addictions, be it food or drugs or sex or gambling or shopping—this is why it is critical that we arm our kids with knowlege and truth and reality.

I remember being – oh – 22, and breaking up with a boyfriend I was DEEPLY in love with. I remember walking to my parents bar and picking up a bottle, (I was NOT a drinker at ALL) and knowing, somewhere deep inside of me, that if I once took a drink for my “pain” I might never crawl out of that bottle. I put it back and called a girlfriend.

Pain, disapointment, frustration, anger, lonliness-are all a part of life. We thought we were teaching both our kids these things….In order for our children to be healthy, they must know how to deal with reality. This conversation engendered a HARD look at our parenting and we are reaping the the fruit of “keepng our daugther happy” – which we did not even realize, at the time, we were doing. Did not really realize until this thread. Hence, her much harder time dealing with the issues than her brother, whom we did a MUCH better job with. Guilty as charged, and TAKING charge now. She is not a happy camper these days and I find myself slipping back into placating BUT I have been catching myself every time. Luckily, she is 16, and can understand what we are doing. We stood firm day before yesterday on something she didn’t get to do and was disapointed about. 2 hours later, after a fuss and hissy fit, she came to me and thanked me for standing strong and not giving in.

I think when people post too, that it becomes a division.

why would people assume that life is about a division?

is life either/or? or is it AND. You probably have at least two ageneds happening constantly. (hence why we smoke with earning labels or heat our food in plastic, use cell phones, etc)

Even in our own life situations, we life amongst many colors of the rainbow, not even just black, white, gray, there is blue, green, yellow, vibrant red.

What I see in a lot of these posts (and in mine as well) is that we pigeon hole things to make it easier for us to understand.

I can take a post that someone wrote and think, well this is saying this about MY post (and it may or may not be but i took it personally) and want to answer it, but the truth is, maybe someone hasnt even read my post. or maybe they are and they feel the need to pigeon-hols their post based on an assumption of what I am writing.

just becuase we may not agree with the choices, or agree with the choices, doesnt mean that there will be BOTH successes and fallout for Sarah Palin. She gets to choose her life lessons, just as we do.

and we are all having this discussion on a site appropriately names…

Raising Small Souls.

We ARE raising small souls here. that is why this hits hard for me. These children, like mine, are sould being formed by life. and someones choices.

Everything we do affects the life choices of our children simply on the basis that we are the teachers. We probably give our children the hardest lessons, just as we as adults say… I want to be like my mother this way and I absolultely dont want to be like my mother in this way…

its all life lessons. and Sarah Palin and her children will have their life lessons because of her choices. bottom life. no judgment.

none of escapes that we are here living in Earth school.

With one boy starting puberty I see the difference already with testosterone surges and the power shift happening as he begins to be more of a young man instead of a little boy who listened to what Mama said and complied. I can only imagine, and shudder to imagine, what the teen years will be like. I certainly, despite my best intentions and hard work, can imagine that by age 17 my kids may choose actions that are not right, they most likely WILL take risks of various kinds. They most likely will do things I told them not to do.

Let’s also think back to our own teen years and what we were doing and how it may not have been exactly what our parents tried to teach us about right, wrong, healthy, unhealthy, risky, what was legal, not legal, etc. Is there a person alive who didn’t do something against the rules or something risky in their teen years? I doubt it.

That includes also, people on birth control pills who accidentially forget to take one, people using condoms and it breaks, or those who are improperly using a condom and it leaks or whatever. I know plenty of happy moms whose pregnancies (while married too) were “a surprise” and unplanned as they thought their birth control would work.

Other notion–

Not too long ago people complained that most politicans running for office or in office are old white men. And the Republicans had been slammed by some as being all old white men from the old boys club. Now we have younger men running for office (Obama included) and also a woman. Yet their younger ages mean they are still parents and their lives are more complicated due to that fact. It seems to me that some people in society are talking out of both sides of their mouths and it frustrates me. You want younger politicians, they may have children still under their care. You want women in politics, they will be juggling career with family.

Why is it in our society in the private sector no one complains when a family must up and move due to the husband/father getting a better job at a new company or promoted within his company? Yet if a woman does it why is that is a problem? Does it make a difference if the woman works in the private sector or is an elected official? If so, why? Where is the consistency and the logic?

Books—

I wanted to share that the topic of the danger of trying to shield children from hurt in any way was covered in an excellent book called “The Over-Scheduled Child”. It was first published under a differnt title “Hyper Parenting” the authors are Nicole Wise and Alvin Rosenfeld MD.

Also another book that discusses parenting and these topics of of the danger of shielding children from all harm and not letting them learn to handle adversity is “Ships Without a Shore” by Anne Pierce. It is a very serious book that I wish everyone would read. I wrote a long book review of it on my blog.

http://thethinkingmother.blogspot.com/2008/05/ships-without-shore-book-review-by.html?showComment=1210564860000

Obama has two young daughters. Is Michelle a stay at home mom?

Why is their any blame on Ellen for starting this discussion? It is her newsletter and we all have a choice of reading it or not.

No I didnt fact check everything. but i didnt take the whole letter and say it was sour grapes. (throwing the baby out with the bath water)

i am making every attempt to make informed decisions.

i never said i didnt agree. i said you were being emotional about your post. and that just like you are being emotional, i hope that other people dont hear one thing and make them vote just becuase of one thing. so in a way, this is not good for the ticket.

what i am readin is that its hurting the female vote. (generalized not personal)

did i say that she had her daughers child
or did i say that i never knew that and am reading more about that. (stating what i am reading)

so yea, I am checking facts. AND I am finding that I have to sift through almost way too much, which is not making me happy. but i need answers for me.

sometimes when there is so much information, facts to shuffle through, the truth gets lost or there is so much to understand that we lose the truth in the midst.

whats funny Cheryl … read the last paragraph.

my comment is that that i still dont like his choice. and that the more I read, the more i dislike his choice.

Does this mean i will vote just becuase I am not liking a VP choice?

but you did exactly what i was thinking that the female vote would do. go on emotion. do we hear something and turn everything stated into what we do or dont want to hear. or can we dissect what is needed to asnwer the question?

I don’t live in AK any longer, but in Southern California. To call Wasilla a wasteland is showing a very narrow perspective. So much of where I now live *is* a wastland of parking lots, etc, but that doesn’t seem to make people quit voting.

Last, did you check with the hospital for birth records on the rumor that the last baby is actually her daughter’s? Or depend on the media for your facts?

Again: PLEASE READ Ellen’s edit at the end of her article.

I apologize for participating in this alternate discussion. I’ll stop, and hope others will also take the time to look into facts.

I am concerned. the more I learn about Sarah Palin, the less impressed I am and am beginning to be concerned about Senator McCain’s choice. Not only for beliefs, but it will further divide the vote, women will now jump more with Obama and it wont be about issues.

Just a small one: she claims that Ms. Palin hid her pregnancy for 7 months. Have you seen how small she is? How would that be possible? Even if she did manage that, who cares? What business is it of ours if she’s pregnant?

Please, please read Ellen’s edit at the end of the article. She makes very clear the connection she’s making between Sarah Palin and “it’s not fair!”

Thanks for your very insightful post. You brought up some very important topics and got me back thinking on the real purpose of the article !! I totally agree with you about the kids that expect praise for every little thing and can’t function without it every step of the way. I think the part you wrote about shielding pain is very insightful as well – some others touched on this too. I have taken this and put it in my cap and will try to incorporate this more fully as I raise my children.

Another example of wiping away all feelings is someone I know (in their late 30s) who went right onto Prozac when their father died. Rather than mourn and accept the normal sad feelings they went on a drug. Shame on that doctor for prescribing it. The drug didn’t work. The person went off the medication.

Then the eight year old child of his was sad about his grandparent dying. So now the child is in therapy. Interesting how some parents rush a young child to therapy instead of first trying normal parenting techniques right at home. Note that child was shielded from even knowing his grandparent had Cancer, for nearly two years they were lying and hiding the child from his grandparents. Right at the end we were told “it upsets our children too much to see his grandfather sick so we avoid him”. Well after they passed on the family felt regret for not being there when he was alive to help out and to just visit. I recall one conversation when he was still alive where my DH said “it really cheers him up to see his grandchildren, the one thing you can do for him to help him is visit and make his day”. They live 5 minutes away. They refused. They were shielding their children from the pain.

At certain times like a parent or grandparent dying, it is okay to be sad and to mourn. Yet some in America think even this is something to get over with a pill or to start therapy for. I find this so odd. Some are denying normal processes like mourning and think that is an abnormal state to be avoided. I think in America we have a terrible way of dealing with the dying process and death and mourning.

On other topics, I have had trouble adjusting when I found out that despite all my planning and ‘doing things right’ life did not go my way. Stuff happened that was totally out of my control and I could not affect change. The self-help books that espouse that notion of us being totally in control may be damaging us.

Similarly some college grads are upset they are not working at their dream jobs as they did all they were supposed to in public school and in college. They thought they’d walk from graduation to a high paying executive job. Somewhere in their journey no one told them that they have to work up the ladder and work hard to get what they think they deserve.

The set up by some of today’s parents to shield their children from any negativity is a problem. Some articles have been published about the ‘self esteem’ generation who is now in their 20s having trouble at college and in the workforce. The Wall Street Journal did a great article last year on how some expect corporations and businesses to change their ways to give these young people what they need (multiple emailed compliments per day, praise when it is not deserved and so on).

Thanks for the article.

“Supported families and education”? What is that supposed to mean? More money poured into the waste of public schools? More grants for free college? More food stamps? What are you talking about? Maybe if people quit trying to get handouts from the government, the government could do it’s real jobs. Does nobody care about the Constitution anymore?

“white people trying to act like they are the face of change” – WOW! I’m sure if they were any other color it would be “REAL”???? So sorry that “white people” are trying to run the country.

At least Sarah and John have large families and probably understand more what REAL life families go through (I’m not talking about finances here)

Everyone keeps making such a huge deal about how she has 5 kids. Well, one if off to the military, one is getting married. Kids are part of life and make us more “real” and less selfish.