“Do as I say and not as I do.”
That hypocritical concept is unquestionably one of the most ineffective methods of education.
Children see, and children do.
Children instinctively model the behavior of those around them, thereby developing physical, emotional, and mental skills.
On occasion, it can be difficult to have faith in the long-range effectiveness of setting a good example. Oftentimes, it is far more tempting to lecture (perhaps with a shout or a couple of bangs for added emphasis!) in order to obtain the desired behavior.
While instruction and lectures do have their place, our children are far more likely to internalize and follow through with the conduct that has been modeled by those close to them than that which has been taught through philosophical speeches.
Here are a few bites of food for thought:
1) I’d like my child to speak politely.
Hint: Does my child overhear a courteous and pleasant tone of voice when listening to my conversations- even if (or, especially if!) I’m speaking to someone else?
Don’t: Say, “Susie speak nicely to Taylor.” and then turn to your spouse and exclaim, “HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!!!???”
2) I’d like my child to possess a wholesome sense of truth and integrity.
Hint: Watch out for little white lies in everyday dialogue.
Don’t: When your daughter informs you that your mother-in-law is on the phone, do not fib, “Oh, tell her I went out for the evening.” Instead, deal with the situation with the integrity you wish to convey and say, “Please tell her I’m not available for the phone right now.”
3) I’d like my child to value family relationships.
Hint: Be aware of the messages you are sending through your preferences and values. Even though there may be some family members that invariably rub you the wrong way, try your best to maintain an upbeat and positive attitude towards family gatherings.
Don’t: Say; “Oh, I wish I could just stay home and watch the game, but Grandma would be so mad if we’d miss Uncle Bob’s wedding.” Your child is much more likely to have strong family ties if you express enjoyment regarding family get-togethers, rather than annoyance or impatience.
4) I want my child to use words, rather than fists, to deal with frustrating situations.
Hint: Be aware of the manner in which you react to challenges!
Don’t: Bang and curse the fax machine when a paper jam occurs; take a few deep breaths, count to ten (or a thousand- if necessary!) and reach into your heart for the superhuman strength to will yourself into staying calm!
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Every interaction, each new situation, is an opportunity to quietly and effectively model desirable behavior towards our youth.
This trickle-down manner of parenting, like water dripping on a stone, will, over time, leave a lasting and permanent impression on our children.
P.S. Terrific reads to further enhance your repertoire of parenting skills that I highly recommend!
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