Comments on: Mommy-Guilt!

by: Jonathan

Tue, 27 May 2008 00:11:07 +0000

Jonathan

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by: getting rid of head lice

Tue, 20 May 2008 19:18:36 +0000

getting rid of head lice

A parent’ s first reaction after realizing their child has head lice is usually,“ Oh no, not my child! We are clean and shampoo her hair regularly!” You may not have had a clue that your child was infested with head lice. (We called them“ cooti…

by: Yvanne

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 17:27:12 +0000

You are very welcome, Karen

Love and Peace,
Yvonne.

by: Karen

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 15:11:37 +0000

Good advice Yvonne. Thank you it helps. I know this too shall pass.

by: Yvanne

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 13:42:16 +0000

Karen,

their friends are ‘play mates’ where they hold a detached point of view about them. Friends are not residing in their homes where it gets territorial, because friends leave and go back to their own home.

A sibling is ‘more one of themselves’ as well as they may fight over territory concerning mommy and daddy!

Sometimes it is best to just let them be and let them figure it out on their own. If you keep running there every time they fight they will do it more and more in order to trigger you to give them attention.

Try to give them more attention when they behave well, and less when they are fighting.
Where ever you place your attention will grow stronger, and what you resist persist! So be aware of that.

The only way to interrupt a fight in my opinion is when you feel that one child is in immediate danger because he or she is about to really get hurt. Other than that, let them be!

Another way, if it gets too much for you as a person needs strong nerves to live through this, separate them and place them each in a different room and demand that there is silence.

You can go even as far as speaking to each of them separately (after everything has calmed down for a while) and ask them how they feel and give loving advice in order to let them see that in both cases each sibling is possibly just feeling as hurt as the other as each one of them of course believes to be right. Make sure that during these personal conversations the other sibling stays in their respective space that you designed for them, so there is no interruption of your conversation with the sibling that you are speaking with.

Let them know that defending one’s standpoint of being right is ego-based and not to be taken into consideration as worth fighting over. Let them know that it is ok that people/children have different viewpoints and that this is acceptable by just saying
“Ok, you feel this way, and I feel another way about something. As we are not on the same page here, lets just move onto to something else (another game) where we do agree and can share fun via same interests”.

Hope this helps.

Love and Peace,
Yvonne.

by: Karen

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 11:59:10 +0000

Good article. I feel guilty when i am on to my children fighting with each other. I too was an only and do not understand why they can’t get along. They don’t fight with their friends like they fight with each other.

by: The Mom Crowd » Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda! The Mommy Guilt Game

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 05:16:05 +0000

[…] Raising Small Souls: Mommy Guilt […]

by: Yvonne

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 06:03:25 +0000

Dear Ellen,

your article and advice about Mommy-Guilt is wonderful. The solution you present about checking one’s thoughts is great, especially for one to focus on the facts that have brought about the thought in the first place, so this way we are able to step a little bit outside of ourselves and for us to also realize that when we are thinking about how to change a reality that cannot be changed, because it has happened aly.

I don’t know about you, but I feel very much reminded about ‘Byron Katie’ and what she teaches in ‘The Work’, which of course helps not only adults but also how we can help our children to cope with reality, yet we may be able to explain it to them differently.

We are always in each other’s energy field, so to speak, so our children also pick-up on our frustration and it also important to understand that they too have their moments. If we as parents after having experienced life for so much longer than our kids already, and we are still having problems to cope than how can we expect from our kids to act ‘rational’, if we can’t teach them ‘how to’ by living the example ourselves?

I really love your site and the way you give helpful advise to the many moms and dads in order to shift our perspective and out-look about parenting and who we are together with our kids.

After all we are all Souls equally, and once we understand this to be truth, we no longer look at our kids as being ’small’ in a sense of being lesser in intelligence, or lesser in the way they do things, or speak, yet about them as ’small people’ concerning their body size that are to be nurtured and guided by the ‘bigger adults’ that are here to help and guide to bring about a strong soul that will truly find ways to express their unique talents and gifts by recognizing our children as ‘equals’ that simply speak and express themselves differently than we do, because of the ‘physical age-difference’.

Once we truly get to understand our child’s mind, we also may find reason to place less stress upon ourselves, as we understand that it is not for us parents to constantly ‘be so called helicopter parents’, but to possibly create our home in such a way that it is ‘child-safe’ and that grandma doesn’t leave her expensive porcelain standing around in reach of her grand children, for example.

We expect our children (that are just learning) to be careful and to not break things up, yet we as parents are ‘careless’ enough to give them the opportunity by making it accessible for them …. lol …. just reflecting from another perspective, no blame here ….

And, ‘yes’ I feel that mommy deserves a time out, because mommy is also a human being that isn’t only mommy, but also a wife (if she is not a single mom), possibly an employee or business owner (where she takes upon another role), a daughter, a friend and whatever mommy chooses to be for herself, meaning she does have her own personality that calls her by her first name and asks for being expressed as well in order to be in harmony with all the other roles she is playing.

Once all roles a person plays including being herself/himself is expressed instead of one or more are being sub-pressed a healthy balance is assured and also consciously accepted and lived. From here on valuable choices, responses and actions can be made from a ‘higher’ out-look, or perspective that enables one to detach from mere emotional re-actions and instead to turn them into responses that serve all involved persons best; - possibly from the heart and not so much from the ‘chattering mind’.

Love and Peace to Everyone,
Yvonne Love.

by: Sue Gallant

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 04:55:23 +0000

I just read the artical again for a review and this is exactly what my husband and I are going through right now. Our 2 girls are fightng constantly and they are both so viscious. The one just turned 5 today and the other is now 8. If it isn’t them fighting it’s one of them throwing an attitude or the younger one throwing massive tantrums. It’s been so out of hand that we’re at our wits end.We also homeschool, so I have them with me 24/7 which also makes it hard to really get my house clean. I make them help around the house, but they are only cooperative with minimal work and I have to really fight them tooth and nail to do the rest. Even the little they do is a major effort. Yet if I say it to the wrong people I get the condescending”You should just put them in public schools so you aren’t so stressed.” and that really gets my fire burning.
What I see happening in our society now is whether we homeschool or send out kids to schoo somewhere else, many of us do not have extended families to help us raise our children. My husband and I are doing it alone and we don’t drive due to not seeing well enough to get a liscence. Immediately that opnes us to judegemental people who look down on us like we don’t have brains or something. Anyways, we don’t have extended family helping us with anything and I see this is an ongoing trend with many families today. I firmly believe many of our children are reacting to this like they know something is missing. Being only one person when my husband is at work, I can only do so much cleaning, teaching and running errands in one day, especially on foot or by bus. It would be nice to find other families to help each other with different needs who are in the same situation, but I haven’t found anyone who is open to something like that who we could help as much as them helping us. I know I’m not the only one going through this.
For in the last days the love of many will wax cold 2 Timothy chapter 3

by: Imogen

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 08:19:36 +0000

I enjoyed Paula’s reply. I think guilt can be our conscience telling us we need to look at what we are doing and try do better. Guilt can be very useful in motivating us to reassess our priorities and how we could be loosing our balance.

I too would appreciate articles for full-time working mom’s on how to deal with guilt in a productive manner. My 2 sister-in-laws are stay at home moms and one of them home schools, the difference in “guilt” feelings is so vast, whereas they may feel guilty for snapping at their children, I feel guilty for not spending enough time with her and not having enough of an impact on her upbringing - immensely different issues!

by: Susan Gallant

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 04:39:45 +0000

I clicked save on the love and logic website, but we could probably all use therapy.(lol) My husband and I take turns talking with our pastor and that seems to be helping to some degree as it helps to get words of wisdom from someone who you feel you can trust.He’s actually suggested getting parenting videos for people to come to the church to watch together as a group. I’m wondfering if he was talking about the same program this website mentioned. If not I shoudl suggest it to him.

by: R Cody

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 15:01:33 +0000

I have a 7 year old with ADHD and sometimes I feel like I live in a zoo and sometimes my desire to have a calm child causes me to lose my temper verbally and mommyguilt sets in. Now I take a deep breath and walk away from the situation to read a book to my son or do a quiet activity until we are both calm and I can talk to my son about the situation in a calm manner.

by: Susan Gallant

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 17:10:50 +0000

I have the same problem with our girls, especially my 7 year-old who is extremely srtong willed and defiant. You tell her to go left and she’ll go right just because. If anyone gives you any sound advice ont his please let me in on it. Sue

by: Tricia M

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 03:51:25 +0000

Mommy guilt - is that what you feel after your 5 year old has been kicked out of the playground at IKea and then throws a fit as you are trying to get him out of the store and you have visions of ringing his neck? I was angry at the way he was acting and I was embarrassed that he misbehaved at the playground. The fit that followed - that kind of stuff doesn’t bother me. I figure most people understand because they have been through it and those that don’t understand will one day when they have kids. The hard part for me to swallow is the way he was acting was NOT normal. He is a vibrant boy with lots of energy. He can easily have deaf ears when I’m trying to get him to do something but he listens to other authoritive figures.
Does anyone have advice on how to get a 5 and 3 year old to listen to me and do things when asked the first time - instead of having to ask it 5 times. My husband says that I’m not hard enough on them. Personally, I think they are that way with me because I’m with them all day. Am I wrong?
Most of you probably think I need therapy.

by: Elaine

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 17:04:49 +0000

To Susan G. and Victoria M. (and anyone else interested…check out www.loveandlogic.com for their parenting articles, to request a free catalog, and to find a Parenting With Love and Logic class in your area…many churces and/or schools offer them. You can also call the Love and Logic Institutes toll free number and ask for a facilitator in your area.
Susan G. look for “Calming the Chaos”…it is a wonderful CD that is geared for families with kids with ADHD, but I find it very powerful, with lots of great ideas for any kids - especially “strong-willed” kids.
Victoria…check out their teen materials (Parenting Your Teenagers with Love and Logic; Hormones and Wheels; etc.). I tell the classes I teach that having teens are like having your two-yr. olds back, only in bigger bodies…they are (two’s and teens) struggling for autonomy and independence, and we, as parents, will do better if we focus on affirmation and loving authority to balance out their quest.
I had, at one time in my parenting, 4 kids under 5 yrs., then fast forward several years, 4 teenagers under my roof at one time…I have earned my gray hairs and “worry lines”!
I recommend to the classes I teach that they look at their local library for Love and Logic materials, as we can’t all afford to purchase the numerous WONDERFUL resources they offer.

by: Victoria McLaurin

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 14:46:56 +0000

What about mommy guilt for teens…

I am 55 year old mom with 4 children and 8 grandren. With My youngest, there is a big gap between him and his siblings. He is 17 and the youngest sibling is 27. Thing were beautiful until he reached age 16, at which point, comes the transformation for loving child that mommy could do no wrong to quiet, sometimes not speaking, friends are more important than family, want to be grown and knows everything teenager who constantly lays on the guilt when rules are enforced.

I forgot what it was like at that age raising teens as the big gap between him and his siblings. He went from being an honor roll students grades 9-11, then without reason, he grades dropped and in danger of not graduating. The only thing that has beenn holding me together is prayer. But boy does he try to lay the guilt trip on me all the time! I’ve read the emails about the toddlers, but what advice can you give me for teens? I’d trade raising a toddler over a teen any time!

signed,

Stressed and trying to get a grip!

by: Elsy Monroy

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 05:07:28 +0000

The mommy-guilt article really struck a note with me as I struggle to let things be rather than try to change them. I have had a very deep soul searching experience and that is how Our Lord inspired me, that He will take care of matters when I let Him. I understood that inspiration and I am acting on it. So reading the article really helped me on the road from recovery of mommy-guilt which from now on I will write down the thoughts that run through my mind when my children do not meet my expectations.

I do know now that it is not my expectations they have to meet but rather that they see me meeting the expectations God has of me, to let Him take care of matters and me just pray and give a good example.

I am beginning in my very advanced age to understand the golden rule: silence is golden.

by: Helen Pacheco

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 05:04:10 +0000

I feel that it is a mistake to be made to feel guilty for “flying off the handle” when sometimes a situation warrants a display of honest to goodness anger. Of course I don’t advocate swearing at a kid, beating them or total out of control behavior from an adult but letting that child know that what he/she did resulted in angry feelings for you or others is a valuable teaching tool stressing natural social consequences for behaviors. In recent years in our society, we have become WAY too lenient and “enabled” people of all ages to make poor choices and lack respect for themselves and fellow human beings.

Some really good books that make sense to me are “Four ways to end back talk” and “parenting with love and logic”, which show how to be honest about your emotions, let children learn from appropriate consequences, and teach them to be responsible human beings who DO follow the rules of civilized society and develop self discipline to reach their own potential. I also am a homeschooling Mom of a seven year old and two year old daughters. I have no fear of lack of socialization for either of them because I make the effort to be a Girl Scout leader for a troop, invite play dates, go on skating outings and generally seek out enrichment for them. We actually have to make time to get the schooling covered at home and keep ourselves sane. Right now my seven year old is performing with our town ballet troupe in the Nutcracker while I stay at home with my two year old. It is very challenging to homeschool for me as an adult because many times it DOES mean that my kids’ activities take priority over my adult interests but I always remember why I homeschool and that this time is really very short. I can resume full participation in my adult “life” after they are independent.

by: Barb

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 10:42:29 +0000

I am a reading teacher whose son would not read. Imagine that Mommy guilt! My younger daughter taught herself to read while listening to me read to them both. One day I found him with the encyclopedias out and opened. Ah-ha! Genre! He wanted non-fiction. He read the directions to most video games, and other kinds of games he wanted to learn how to play at a very young age. So from then on we bought him materials that he could pick up when he wanted to put something together. But he never did quit watching Discovery Channel, or put down those old encyclopedias! Now both are college graduates and he still prefers to read things for information, that is HIS pleasure. I know most of us can’t imagine it being “fun” to read those cell phone instruction manuals but God made us all different. He has read the Bible and the Kuran!

by: Michelle

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 19:14:57 +0000

This came at the right time. I am a mother of a 2 year old, and a step mom of a 7, 5 and 2 year old. Their mother passed away and I go through alot of guilt w/ all of them. I don’t want to have them feel that i am replacing their mom and then i don’t want to have my daughter feel that i’m replacing here w/ other kids.
sometimes i feel i’m to tough then other times i feel i should have been stricter.

I fight w/ my self all the time worried if i don’t do the right thing, it will effect the kids in their teen’s.

by: laura s

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 01:06:28 +0000

There is a saying…” If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way that you think about it.” In essence, attutide is everything in everything. I think that everyone feels guilty for some things sometimes…….. just do the best that you can and all the pieces will fall into place.
Mother or 3

by: Susan N. Gallant

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 07:06:54 +0000

I like the comment about the son who reads magazines and newspapers and can’t sit still. That reminded me of a field trip I went on with my girls in new Hampshire last month at a native American museum. One of the things our tour guide explained was how in the tribes they would observe the chldren to see which ones were the home helpers and which ones were the hunters. I realized that’s the equivalant to us figuring out if our kids are “left braines” or “right brained”. The “right brained” ones are the active ones and learn more from experience, so I guess they would be the “hunters”. I’d say the ones who don’t like to read as much are more the hunters, but our 6 year-old is extremely hyper and energitic and still loves books. That could also be because I’ve read to her and her sister since they were in my tummy every night, but for the most part it could be the ones who don’t read as much are more into hands on learning. As long as they read even once in a while then at least we know they’ll be able to get where they need to go in life.

by: Susan N. Gallant

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 06:53:04 +0000

I have read to our girls ever since they were babies. Even when they were incognito(when I was pregnant) they heard me read to my step-children or the younger one would hear me reading to my older daughter. They pick up on the rythem in your voice when you read and sense it sounds different from just talking to someone. Every night I read to them before going to bed. I tell them to each pick what book they want to read and i pick one, so we end up reading three a night plus sometimes they ask me to read something to them during the day. If I’m not in the middle of something I’ll sit down with them or I’ll ask for a ferw minutes to finish what I’m doing first. Our 6 year-old, who will be 7 in December, is already reading simple words. That’s the age I started reading too so I guess that’s the standard age, but I found with her it has been easier letting her “figure it out” instead of using workbooks to do it. WHen you homeschool it’s amazing how you play around to figure out what works for your own child. Our three year-old is already trying to learn her letters. I think the more we read to them from the time they’re little the more they’ll want to do it on their own. They always sit in the livingroom looking at books. WHen our older daughter was 5 she was sitting on our doorstep with books I read to them on a regular basis “reading” the stories to her friends by looking at the pictures and going by memory. We have so many books in our house it’s like having our own library.(lol) Sue

by: Dena

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 21:48:16 +0000

Good article.
I like the cognitive therapy approach where we change our “shoulds” to “prefers”. I read the book Three Minute Therapy by Michael Edelstein and this is exactly what he teaches. He says that if we change our distorted and irrational beliefs, then our behavior will also change. If I sit while my kids have tantrums, and think “I can’t take this” then I am bound to do something (whatever) that I will regret. If I can get myself to internalize that I CAN tolerate this then all kinds of compulsive behavior will be avoided.
Dena

by: Paula

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 05:25:50 +0000

Mommy guilt is a HUGE factor for me! I try all sorts of techniques to keep the big “G” at bay: I sometimes just try to let the guilt phrases float away like passing clouds. Sometimes I figure the guilt thoughts are actually helpful and get me to make sure I’m parenting to the best of my abilities. Sometimes I think of words to a song that I like: “I will be gentle with myself”. Sometimes I try to lighten it up a bit & say, with my friends, “Oh, Well! Throw another dollar in the therapy fund for the kids.” I figure that, since I have such a big impact on my two daughter’s lives, it’s a bit understandable to feel pressure. Making decisions that guide little human beings, perhaps for their entire lifetime, is big stuff. I also liked information from James Hillman’s book, “The Soul’s Code.” He said that parents foibles can actually HELP a child grow stronger because they can learn so much from it. For example, I have a friend whose Mom was quite “yelly” most of the time and my friend learned how to be gentle as a sort of “not going to be my Mom” sort of way. Hopefully I won’t be teaching my girls in that sort of “not that!” way.

A “side note” on the homeschooling discussion and fears of “socialization”. It’s pretty amazing to learn how our current school system developed and, after I learned that, even the term “socialization” is now suspect for me. My homeschooled daughters play easily with kids of all ages, are comfortable talking to adults…lots of positive things. And they do not have hordes of playdates and endless scheduled activities. Like somewhere along the way we are forgetting that the brain is amazingly powerful and creative and the wonder of the being inside doesn’t have to be shaped with endless activities and classes and play dates. And I hear a lot of homeschoolers talking about how busy their children are and they have to “pencil in” time for home. That is one approach. I’m trying a different one…a sort of “time for creativity and just being”. Think of Laura and Mary Ingalls Wilder not being inundated with “to dos” all the time. A place for the wonder of creativity to peek through some of the unfilled schedules. Lots of creative toys and books that allow room for imagination. Time to be. Being too busy is sometimes (stress the word sometimes)a choice that we don’t see we are making. Each child needs their own way…I figure mine are with me for a reason and yours are with you for a reason and there isn’t one right way. (sure hope my way is the best for mine, though! Guess that will be fodder for future Mommy guilt if it’s not:)

As for “making sure kids read”…I think that cumpulsory education squishes the life out of it. My brother never like to read and I loved it. But the more he was “forced” to read the more he hated it. He is now in his mid-forties and he is just discovering the joy of reading. Perhaps it might be helpful to get a wide variety of books and just leave them laying around. (thrifting and library hunts work great for me) Maybe to say something like, “if you could have any story in the world right now, what would it be about?” And take a cue from that as to what he likes to read.

by: Gerry Brown

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 15:14:28 +0000

In response to Geri whose son won’t read; perhaps he is not reading the type of book he is interested in! We have 5 children and one always said he hated reading. I watched for years!! and eventually figured out that he can’t sit still for long. (neither can his father) Also, HE discovered he likes mystery books. I do not like that genre of book at all and would never have given him one. From having watched certain movies with his dad and having had to read some books for school I noticed and he discovered what his interests were. He is now 17. He still will not read as often as 3 of my other kids. But when he does he remembers everything and actually discusses it with me without me ever asking him to do that. He also loves sports and he will read magazines and newspapers on hisfavorite sport–football. One more thing. Not all people were meant to be as avid a reader as we are or would like our children to be! He is a great action and hands on person. He is also a good artist. He once said he would rather read people than books and he has a good talent for that. Our children will be who they are supposed to be if we do not project our fears and worries on them and educate them as best they choose to absorb in their own style. Don’t force. Do try.

by: Susan N. Gallant

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 06:06:33 +0000

It’s funny you mentioned being told you weren’t making enough milk. I have nursed both my girls and still nurse my younger one. I have always seen that as a major deposit for their emotional bank account because of the closeness and bonding that go along with that. As far as not enough milk, don’t fall for that. Our bodies work on supply and demand. As long as we continue to nurse our bodies continue to produce milk. As long as they are nursing they are getting milk. Other people who told you otherwise probably meant well but didn’t really understand ll the facts as i have found many people i our culture do not, with all due respect to them. With the formula industry prompting maternity wards and pediatritions with financial bribary to promote their products it’s hard to find doctors who really genuinely whooe heartedly support breastfeeding so many moms who don’t have an outside support system fall into the trap of thinking they can’t produce enough milk or some other excuse the doctors give them to not do so. It’s all about money and politics. It’s so demeaning because the formula industry is basically saying we are not woman enough to feed our own children. There are two books I can redommend to anyone here interested. One is MILK, MONEY AND MADNESS, the history and politics of breastfeeding and the other is NATURAL CURES “THEY” DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT by Kevin Trudeau, which also mentions nursing in a couple parts of the book. No one has the right to interfear with that bonding between a mother and her baby, yet it’s sad and infuriating how many people really do.
Our older daughter was collicky even though i solely nursed her with no formula. I learned that if they have very intense personalities they will be that way anyways no matter how you feed them which she is VERY intense. I was also taking prenatal vitamins which I found out from reading Dr. Sears’ book THE FUSSY BABY that the iron in prenatal vitamins makes them contipated which gives them tummy aches so they will be more colicky. He also said taking birth control pills will make them colicky too because of the hormones getting into the milk which i was taking bith that and prenatal vitamins so she was getting all that in my milk. I was just going by what the doctors told me so I had no way of knowing until I read that book. For what it’s worth I hope my input helps. I still believe nursing is a wonderful emotional deposit that nothing else could ever replace. Sue

by: miriam

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 07:24:40 +0000

Thanks for this wonderful article. I was on the other side, and felt that Mommy guilt was not only normal it was compulsory! But the pressure gets to be too much, particularly, when on top of the Mommy guilt, there is actually blame coming from the outside in the form of well-meaning comments like “Maybe if you and your husband speak two languages at home, your son would be able to talk by now” or “He has colic because you are feeding him too much” or “It isn’t colic, you’re not making enough milk!” or people coming up with a million explanations and “advice” which is just sugar-coated BLAME!!!

What a liberating article. I think I should read it every day until I am “brainwashed” by it!
Thanks
Miriam

by: Devra

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 19:45:12 +0000

While Mommy Guilt is a normal emotion of motherhood, depression is a medical condition. If you are concerned about whether something is depression or mommy guilt, a visit to your doctor is a really good idea. Don’t just put the pressure on yourself to “snap out of it”. Help is out there and if you know someone who needs it, offer to get them to the MD yourself. One of the signs of depression is knowing something is wrong, but not feeling well enough to do something about it! Be well!

by: ANNE

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 13:15:10 +0000

Reading issues are tough everywhere, I am a teacher in France. When you realize you’ve been reading a lot to your own kids who enjoyed the drama part of it, the fun, the laughters.. I’ve done that with my own kids who actually are 17 and 19 and of course are much busier doing whatever else but reading….
I was the same…it came much later, but it came!!!!
I do read a lot of books to my pre-school kids, can keep their attentioin for hours, and am surprized about how much they recall, it comes out suddenly unexpected, words or ideas or “moral” I am more and more amazed by this influence, so I keep reading.
Don’t wait…if they don’t read, read to them even more, GIVE!dont’ expect anymore, I think on the long run it pays!

by: Linda

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 19:05:11 +0000

Thank for this article on Mommy guilt. I tend to feel it a lot. I also homeschool my two boys, ages 9 and 10. I don’t think they have a problem with socialization at all. THey take TaeKwonDo Lessons and play Homeschool Flag Football. They also enjoy our church because they have a special service for the children.

Both my boys love to read. Ever since they were born we have read to them and to this day continue to spend that special time together. Every night at bed time my husband takes one and I take the other and they get one on one time with each of us, every other night. They look forward to this ritual. We have read a lot of great classics. They will think nothing of picking up one of their magazines (Highlights, Ranger Rick, etc.) and sitting for an hour reading it and browsing through it.

To the mom worried about her child reading, I wouldn’t spend too much time worrying about it. Each child learns at their own pace and yours will too. How often do you see a kid in middle school who can’t read? They learn soon enough. I have a friend who worried about it all last year and I kept telling her the same thing. This year her son is doing very well with his reading.

Thank you Ellen for all your encouraging articles. This one hit at a much needed time. God Bless You! Linda

by: Susan N. Gallant

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 05:25:40 +0000

With our 2 girls who are 3 and 6 I have just let them learn as they become interested so they aren’t feling pressured. Our 3 year-old is already recognising some letters and out 6 year-old is recognising certain words and even practicing writing on her own. She’s ask us how to spell certain words and write it herself. I’ve read to both of them ever y night (except occasional nights when we’re all exhausted or get home late) since they were incognito(when i was pregnant) because our older daughter heard me reading tomy step-children and our 3 year-old daughter would hear us reading to our older daughter. They both love books and are usually pretty excited about picking out books every night. I htink that is the bigest encouragement for them to want to learn how to read, to read to them from infanthood and even earlier to the present. Once in a while our 6 year-old will say she doesn’t want a stroy and I’ll remind her abut it beinbg special quiet time together. I think she may feel that way sometimes because I suspect a lot of her friends aren’t read to by their parents who live i our apartment complex so she probably wonders if she’s getting too old for it. I assure her it’s fine to be read to at her age. I just don’t want her to grow up too fast. When my step-son comes over I read to all three of them. He didn’t like it that much at first but now he asks about it. He’s too stubborn to admit it but i think he’s actually come to enjoy that time and he’s 10. I read Bible stories that are at his age level and he asks questions which opens the door for me to really teach him what I know about given subjects. Reading as a family in the evening before bed can really be a family bonding time and then the learning to read tends to take care of itself. Sue in Lewiston, Maine

by: Debbi

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 21:26:52 +0000

I think you shouldn’t push the reading. I find it is the fastest way to kill that natural love of learning a child has. Read to him, and just let it come naturally.

It helps a child to have some poetry, the preamble, and other things memorized. They start to realize they have a great mind, and then begin to look into other things.

My 7yo took the last year to memorize the preamble to the Constitution, and recited it for our congregation before the 4th of July. He was so cute!

I have 5 kids that range from 18-5, so I have a large age base. We’ve been homeschooling for 8 years, and I find that a child will learn to read if they see the parents reading (usually to them) and they will begin to ask questions.

It works best, if you limit TV, and video games. Then the child has more time to really think about things, rather than just being entertained.

Why were our forefathers so smart? LOL Because they didn’t have video games and TV. They had to read a book to be entertained.

Enjoy your boy. They are only young once. Before you know it, your child will be 18, and you’ll be wishing they were young again. I know this! LOL

LadyPoet

by: Pamela Tiger

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 16:13:31 +0000

geri, i wouldn’t worry about pushing him. IME pushing only leads to more rebellion, lol. i’m sure he will read when he’s ready! don’t worry, you are a great mom!

my son is homeschooled, too. socializing? we are so busy, i swear, that we have to schedule in “home time”! i have to sometimes make dates just to be alone with him. don’t worry about socializing. and it’s way better than what they come home from school with. lots less disrespect and ageism. oh– my son’s an only, too.

that said, this is a very interesting article. it addresses what so many do not: the disease rather than the symptoms. thank you for your insight, and i will certainly work hard on remembering it when it counts: in the heat of the moment!

pamela
maiasaurawh at bellsouth.net

by: Geri Hagler

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 14:45:45 +0000

Right now my youngest boy has decided he doesn’t like reading. This kills me. As a teacher I know how vital this is and I blame myself for not spending more time insisting that he read. For instance, yesterday I was painting the house, I picked up a couple of his friends and a friend of my oldest and we spent 2 hours at a lake. We came home a bit worn out so I read the newspaper while they played and then my oldest boy and I got ready for Civil Air Patrol. I’m the testing officer and my son is a cadet. After testing at 7:30 I went over to my classroom to continue packing up my things as I have been hired at a different school. At 9 I picked up my oldest and we got home about 9:30. My youngest boy had not read all day and I just didn’t have the energy to make him do it then. So therein lies the guilt. Today I’ll make sure he reads. He reads a chapter, then I read a chapter or sometimes we alternate pages. I wish I could get him interested enough in reading that he does it on his own. Until he does that I will feel that it is my fault that he doesn’t. Geri Hagler

by: Susan N. Gallant

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 05:14:16 +0000

I’d be interested in keeping in touch with the two moms wh are homeschooling as I am homeschooling our 3 and 6 year-olds. If they would like to email me my address is sdachurchofsaturdaysaints@yahoo.com which is long and I apologize, but once it’s in your computer you’ll never have to type it again.
I deal with the girls fighting a lot and having grown up an only child i have had very little patience for it. WIth my 6 year-old being strong willed to the max it’s made things all the more difficult to deal with things. I don’t let her get away with something just because she has a crying fir or decides to argue with me about every topic under the sun, so I don’t worry about being too leniant. I just get tired of having to deal with it 24/7 nad wish she would just realize that when I say no about something or request her to help around the house or anything else that is a given topic that I don’t back down on my decision and Mom is consistant so after 6 years you would think she’d realize it by now and just listen instead of fighting with me about everything. I read the article and maybe that will help with the sibling rivalry part, but the constant disobedeince is just too much for me because while I wasn’t always perfect as a child I didn’t give my mom nearly as much grief. I remember being happy to help her around the house and didn’t sass her every time she said something or asked me for something. I had no siblings to fight with so I just have a very hard time relating to that. It isn’t normal to me. To me it’s pure selfishness and unecesary, especially when you are constantly having to police them and have a disaster for a house because you can’t turn your back on them for a second. I’ll try to keep in mind what I read in the article and see if it helps any.

by: afnan lukata

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 08:37:39 +0000

dear Ellen :
Thank u for all Your wonderful and useful articles. I read them all but haven’t reply on any of them (no enough time) till i read this article which i live every day…….I was realy worried because i thought it’s not normal to feel mommy’s guilt almost all the time. i thought that i’m begging to have a depprission or something.but now and thanks to your article i knew that this is normal and i will certinly try to follow the advice to deal with it.

by: Debbi

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 08:29:05 +0000

It would help if we could email. I have a dummy email that is ladypoet6 ‘@’ yahoo . com if you’d like more info. We can exchange real emails from there. I hate to post it, because I get spammed so much.

I would need to know your child’s age, and where exactly you are at with the idea to homeschool.

I am writing a book on this, so I have found many resources (mostly online) that are really informative.

Debbi

by: janel

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 02:05:12 +0000

ladypoet,
I am intrigued by your response, I am seriously considering homeschooling my son and am worried about the lack of socialization. He is an only child and unless I adopt I can have no others. You sound as though you have put on eor two most of the way through, any suggestionsfor my upcoming decisions??

janel

by: Debbi

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 22:51:13 +0000

Mommy guilt isn’t supposed to exist. LOL We shouldn’t beat ourselves up, when we are doing the best we can.

We must remember that even God had children who chose to eat the fruit. LOL

We all have kids who have their own independent thoughts and actions. At some point we need to step back, and let them live their lives to the best of their ability, and hope that we have taught them well.

My mommy guilt comes in when I am worried about my kids knowledge. Because I homeschool them, I find it hard when they forget something, or are not interested in learning something. But, again, they have their own life missions, and they know what they need to get there.

LadyPoet33

by: janel

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 02:09:30 +0000

I have only had the pleasure of this sight for a short period of time but it has been the most helpful advice I have had since my son (4 yrs) was born. My mommy guilt is with me 24/7 and now that I have a few ways to deal with all those times that I felt so out of control before. Thanks ellen

by: Gordon Otto

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 13:54:54 +0000

Daddy Guilt Is Indeed The Same
Thank you for your article.
It arrived at a “good” time to help.
Kids out of school for the summer.
Me with less patience each passing day.
No fun for them.
My frustration at “not getting anything done… ever” would be better for them if it turned to acceptance of “not as much stuff will get done… live with it”.
And have some fun together, at every opportunity.

Thanks.
GLO

by: Maryann Lombardi

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 13:11:44 +0000

Mommy Guilt is spending every waking hour taking care of your middle child with developmental disabilities and not being able to play or talk or watch t.v. or go out in the community or anything with your typical children. And having your typical children resent you asking for their help when tensions escalate.

by: Zaidy Auerbach

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 13:08:04 +0000

Dear Ellen;
I am hapy to have read your well thought out and informative article teaching us how to start to cope with a most normal and probably most prevelant situation most mothers find themselves in so much of the time. When we interact with children, of all ages, these situations are probably prone to arise and learning how to deal with them, should and could be very helpful.
This is one of the most useful websites I found, with sound, practical advice, which I am sure your participants will enjoy reading and absorbing.
Keep up this treendous work and I am sure many people, young and old, will express their thanks and appreciation to you.
Zaidy Auerbach
posted Friday June 30 4:10 P.M.

by: Lisa Rolins

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 12:45:46 +0000

My Mommy guilt is having to work full time. I HATE not being able to be with Zack during the day. I’m trying to find a job in the school system so I will be home when he’s home once he starts school.