I just wanted to write to say that you have a great site and a wonderful resource for all to share Free Mp3 Download.

A parent’ s first reaction after realizing their child has head lice is usually,“ Oh no, not my child! We are clean and shampoo her hair regularly!” You may not have had a clue that your child was infested with head lice. (We called them“ cooti…

Love and Peace,
Yvonne.

their friends are ‘play mates’ where they hold a detached point of view about them. Friends are not residing in their homes where it gets territorial, because friends leave and go back to their own home.

A sibling is ‘more one of themselves’ as well as they may fight over territory concerning mommy and daddy!

Sometimes it is best to just let them be and let them figure it out on their own. If you keep running there every time they fight they will do it more and more in order to trigger you to give them attention.

Try to give them more attention when they behave well, and less when they are fighting.
Where ever you place your attention will grow stronger, and what you resist persist! So be aware of that.

The only way to interrupt a fight in my opinion is when you feel that one child is in immediate danger because he or she is about to really get hurt. Other than that, let them be!

Another way, if it gets too much for you as a person needs strong nerves to live through this, separate them and place them each in a different room and demand that there is silence.

You can go even as far as speaking to each of them separately (after everything has calmed down for a while) and ask them how they feel and give loving advice in order to let them see that in both cases each sibling is possibly just feeling as hurt as the other as each one of them of course believes to be right. Make sure that during these personal conversations the other sibling stays in their respective space that you designed for them, so there is no interruption of your conversation with the sibling that you are speaking with.

Let them know that defending one’s standpoint of being right is ego-based and not to be taken into consideration as worth fighting over. Let them know that it is ok that people/children have different viewpoints and that this is acceptable by just saying
“Ok, you feel this way, and I feel another way about something. As we are not on the same page here, lets just move onto to something else (another game) where we do agree and can share fun via same interests”.

Hope this helps.

Love and Peace,
Yvonne.

your article and advice about Mommy-Guilt is wonderful. The solution you present about checking one’s thoughts is great, especially for one to focus on the facts that have brought about the thought in the first place, so this way we are able to step a little bit outside of ourselves and for us to also realize that when we are thinking about how to change a reality that cannot be changed, because it has happened aly.

I don’t know about you, but I feel very much reminded about ‘Byron Katie’ and what she teaches in ‘The Work’, which of course helps not only adults but also how we can help our children to cope with reality, yet we may be able to explain it to them differently.

We are always in each other’s energy field, so to speak, so our children also pick-up on our frustration and it also important to understand that they too have their moments. If we as parents after having experienced life for so much longer than our kids already, and we are still having problems to cope than how can we expect from our kids to act ‘rational’, if we can’t teach them ‘how to’ by living the example ourselves?

I really love your site and the way you give helpful advise to the many moms and dads in order to shift our perspective and out-look about parenting and who we are together with our kids.

After all we are all Souls equally, and once we understand this to be truth, we no longer look at our kids as being ‘small’ in a sense of being lesser in intelligence, or lesser in the way they do things, or speak, yet about them as ‘small people’ concerning their body size that are to be nurtured and guided by the ‘bigger adults’ that are here to help and guide to bring about a strong soul that will truly find ways to express their unique talents and gifts by recognizing our children as ‘equals’ that simply speak and express themselves differently than we do, because of the ‘physical age-difference’.

Once we truly get to understand our child’s mind, we also may find reason to place less stress upon ourselves, as we understand that it is not for us parents to constantly ‘be so called helicopter parents’, but to possibly create our home in such a way that it is ‘child-safe’ and that grandma doesn’t leave her expensive porcelain standing around in reach of her grand children, for example.

We expect our children (that are just learning) to be careful and to not break things up, yet we as parents are ‘careless’ enough to give them the opportunity by making it accessible for them …. lol …. just reflecting from another perspective, no blame here ….

And, ‘yes’ I feel that mommy deserves a time out, because mommy is also a human being that isn’t only mommy, but also a wife (if she is not a single mom), possibly an employee or business owner (where she takes upon another role), a daughter, a friend and whatever mommy chooses to be for herself, meaning she does have her own personality that calls her by her first name and asks for being expressed as well in order to be in harmony with all the other roles she is playing.

Once all roles a person plays including being herself/himself is expressed instead of one or more are being sub-pressed a healthy balance is assured and also consciously accepted and lived. From here on valuable choices, responses and actions can be made from a ‘higher’ out-look, or perspective that enables one to detach from mere emotional re-actions and instead to turn them into responses that serve all involved persons best; – possibly from the heart and not so much from the ‘chattering mind’.

Love and Peace to Everyone,
Yvonne Love.

I too would appreciate articles for full-time working mom’s on how to deal with guilt in a productive manner. My 2 sister-in-laws are stay at home moms and one of them home schools, the difference in “guilt” feelings is so vast, whereas they may feel guilty for snapping at their children, I feel guilty for not spending enough time with her and not having enough of an impact on her upbringing – immensely different issues!

I am 55 year old mom with 4 children and 8 grandren. With My youngest, there is a big gap between him and his siblings. He is 17 and the youngest sibling is 27. Thing were beautiful until he reached age 16, at which point, comes the transformation for loving child that mommy could do no wrong to quiet, sometimes not speaking, friends are more important than family, want to be grown and knows everything teenager who constantly lays on the guilt when rules are enforced.

I forgot what it was like at that age raising teens as the big gap between him and his siblings. He went from being an honor roll students grades 9-11, then without reason, he grades dropped and in danger of not graduating. The only thing that has beenn holding me together is prayer. But boy does he try to lay the guilt trip on me all the time! I’ve read the emails about the toddlers, but what advice can you give me for teens? I’d trade raising a toddler over a teen any time!

signed,

Stressed and trying to get a grip!

I do know now that it is not my expectations they have to meet but rather that they see me meeting the expectations God has of me, to let Him take care of matters and me just pray and give a good example.

I am beginning in my very advanced age to understand the golden rule: silence is golden.

Some really good books that make sense to me are “Four ways to end back talk” and “parenting with love and logic”, which show how to be honest about your emotions, let children learn from appropriate consequences, and teach them to be responsible human beings who DO follow the rules of civilized society and develop self discipline to reach their own potential. I also am a homeschooling Mom of a seven year old and two year old daughters. I have no fear of lack of socialization for either of them because I make the effort to be a Girl Scout leader for a troop, invite play dates, go on skating outings and generally seek out enrichment for them. We actually have to make time to get the schooling covered at home and keep ourselves sane. Right now my seven year old is performing with our town ballet troupe in the Nutcracker while I stay at home with my two year old. It is very challenging to homeschool for me as an adult because many times it DOES mean that my kids’ activities take priority over my adult interests but I always remember why I homeschool and that this time is really very short. I can resume full participation in my adult “life” after they are independent.

I fight w/ my self all the time worried if i don’t do the right thing, it will effect the kids in their teen’s.

A “side note” on the homeschooling discussion and fears of “socialization”. It’s pretty amazing to learn how our current school system developed and, after I learned that, even the term “socialization” is now suspect for me. My homeschooled daughters play easily with kids of all ages, are comfortable talking to adults…lots of positive things. And they do not have hordes of playdates and endless scheduled activities. Like somewhere along the way we are forgetting that the brain is amazingly powerful and creative and the wonder of the being inside doesn’t have to be shaped with endless activities and classes and play dates. And I hear a lot of homeschoolers talking about how busy their children are and they have to “pencil in” time for home. That is one approach. I’m trying a different one…a sort of “time for creativity and just being”. Think of Laura and Mary Ingalls Wilder not being inundated with “to dos” all the time. A place for the wonder of creativity to peek through some of the unfilled schedules. Lots of creative toys and books that allow room for imagination. Time to be. Being too busy is sometimes (stress the word sometimes)a choice that we don’t see we are making. Each child needs their own way…I figure mine are with me for a reason and yours are with you for a reason and there isn’t one right way. (sure hope my way is the best for mine, though! Guess that will be fodder for future Mommy guilt if it’s not:)

As for “making sure kids read”…I think that cumpulsory education squishes the life out of it. My brother never like to read and I loved it. But the more he was “forced” to read the more he hated it. He is now in his mid-forties and he is just discovering the joy of reading. Perhaps it might be helpful to get a wide variety of books and just leave them laying around. (thrifting and library hunts work great for me) Maybe to say something like, “if you could have any story in the world right now, what would it be about?” And take a cue from that as to what he likes to read.