Mood Numbers
What Mood Number Are You In?
Here’s how “mood-numbers” got started:
The plumber called earlier to say that he’d be here six hours ago, he hasn’t shown up, and the main bathroom and laundry facilities are still out of order.
I am annoyed and frustrated. (To put it mildly.)
My son brings chips into a carpeted room. (Disobeying one of the few rules we have.)
I snap and yell.
Now, I’m feeling bad that I took out all my frustrations on my innocent small soul.
“I’m sorry, Sweetie,” I say to my son. “Mommy is in a bad mood because the bathroom is broken.”
With youthful innocence, he asks me, “But why are you in a bad mood at ME?”
“I love you so much that you make me in a good mood, but I am upset that the plumber hasn’t come yet.”
“Hmmm, Mom, what mood number are you in?”
That was how it all began.
Sometimes I’ll answer “73” and my son will give me a hug and say, “NOW, what mood number are you in?”
We developed a simple system of 1 though 100, where mood number 1 is the absolutely worst one possible, and mood number 100 equals total ecstasy.
When children can define their feelings and the subtle differences in their emotions as feelings ebb and flow, they have a powerful tool to deal with all the ups and downs the life brings. By virtue of the fact that they are able to name their feelings, they become heads and shoulders above the general population in their ability to express themselves and develop meaningful relationships.
“I’m in mood 61,” my six-year-old recently stated. “I’m only a tiny bit happy because I have a headache.
“Mood number 100 is probably only for your wedding day, right, Mom?” asked my eight-year-old.
“I’m so angry that my soda spilled!” I’m in mood number eleven!”
Sometimes we add fractions, just for fun.
“I was in mood 73 and now that you have treated your brother nicely, I went up to mood number 83-and-a-half!”
It is also helpful to differentiate moods from physical well-being.
“My mood is 95, but my stomach is hurting, so my body is only at 30, so now I want to rest on the couch and hear you playing quietly.”
Both good and bad moods can be used as a great opportunity for labeling moods in a more detailed manner.
All children can relate to being happy versus sad.
It would also be valuable for children to utilize descriptions like livid, frustrated, annoyed, disappointed, regretful, melancholy, resentful, or furious.
Variations of happiness can be expressed as joy, excitement, appreciation, contentment, pleasure, or delight.
One of the greatest gifts you, as a parent, can give your child- is to teach your child the language of emotions. Your youngster will grow up to be a far better spouse, parent, and employee if he can understand and verbalize emotions.
Fascinating discussion on something that is obviously not black and white! So glad for Krista’s comment right at the beginning. Can I recommend the most wonderful parenting book “Unconditional Parenting” by Alfie Kohn. I am sure it will strike a chord with some of the correspondents here, as it did with me.
Maybe the most useful part of this suggested numbering system is helping the kids (and ourselves!) to recognise how our moods can affect our behaviour.
Facing up to the fact that it’s because you are in a bad mood that you shouted at someone is the first step to treating them, next time ;), with the respect they deserve instead of taking out your mood on them (presuming that this is the behaviour you are aiming for!)
Those we love (including our kids) can help us (if they choose) to improve our mood (and having skills in this area is useful!) but we can also show them that we can choose to behave properly towards them no matter what our mood.
Hi
We always use numbers 1 - 10 for how well we are feeling in the family or if in pain, for instance when Our eldest was ill last year, he was only complaining of a number 3, the day before for a tummy ache, but by the next day I knew things were not right, after he had been up being sick all night, his pain went to a 15! I had already rung the hospital and said I suspected appendix, as I had the same symptoms at the same age (8 yrs) they told me I was worrying for nothing ! and children of that age don’t have appendix problems ? I kept repeating, and eventually they said well you will have a wasted journey, but come in. My husband and Son waited 7 hrs to be seen, then they could not get a bed, by this time he was rolling about on bed - unknown to everyone his appendix has ruptured, they then had to transfer him 20 miles to a Childrens hospital where it was touch and go! He pulled through but I kept telling them his pain threshold was really high, and if he was saying number 15 its serious, they ignored my concerns. So number system I feel saved his life really, We will try this for moods too however as not thought of that!
Mrs. Pip Wheelwright Kent UK.
There is something to be learned from each & every comment here. Anything we do to further our own understanding and that of our children’s to learn, understand and communicate our feelings both good and bad is helpful.
We all make mistakes, especially when parenting, & sometimes the individual psyche of a child will react in a life-long manner to something innocently done while another child won’t remember the same circumstances a second later. Painful memories of what happened to us as children are with most people, and when you hear some of the stories you certainly can see why, while others can be fairly minor, yet leave life long scars.
The new pop religion out there is that we are responsible for our emotions and reactions and we CHOOSE our thoughts and we ATTRACT everything both good and bad into our lives. Well, that thinking works to a certain extent and we can certainly all ‘tweak’ ourselves into more positive thoughts, thereby attracting better vibrations or circumstances, or whatever, but I often think that the human condition is far more complicated than that and that random events do happen to innocent people.
For example, I find it hard to believe that an innocent child engaged in skipping down the street and the utter joy of living in the moment, who is suddenly approached and assualted by a pedophile opportunist has attracted that into their life, and the subsequent feelings that such an experience would cause are by choice.
Perhaps this is the far end of the spectrum, but we cannot all be Pollyanna’s all day long. We can certainly try, and it’s always good to be reminded that for the most part, we do have a choice and should help our children to understand that as well.
A few weeks ago a beautiful robin flew into our picture window and broke it’s innocent little neck. My 11 year old comforted me as I wept at the small tragedy. This past weekend we discovered baby birds having hatched in a decorative bird house we had hung in one of our bushes. “It’s the circle of life mommy” my daughter solemnly told me while rubbing my back. “We don’t need to cry about that robin anymore.” Life lessons come from everywhere.
[...] Last week’s post regarding “mood numbers” evoked a number of thought-provoking reactions, and it’s difficult to say any of them are off-target. [...]
Awesome thread all of you! This is the best blog I’ve seen… taking Ellen’s small pearls of wisdom and evolving them into wonderful learning conversations…with three children, I need all the help I can get!!
Agree with the person who loves Charles Swindle quote…I asked the store I saw it in for a copy and shared it with my whole office. That is the bottom line–we must strive to overcome our moods and do the right thing. The effort is the key, not necessarily actually being happy all the time.
Also being the mother of two sons, maybe I can get a better feel for what is going on with them using this method. My girl is 5 mo old, and she already makes her moods very clear! LOL