Comments on: Oppositional Defiant Disorder: The War at Home

By: Sandi

Sandi — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 00:49:29 +0000

There is help out there, and you are definitely not alone. My son, who is now 19, was diagnosed with ODD/ADD when he was 11. We didn’t go to family therapy and get the help we needed. I regret that more than you can imagine.

Don’t wait. Get help as soon as you can. He’s not bad, he’s ill. He needs love, support, and treatment. This is not a phase, and he may never grow out of it. It’s not his fault, it’s not your fault. It’s just as important as feeding and clothing and loving him. It can tear families and marriages apart if it’s not addressed. For the sake of your son, your other children, and yourself, please don’t wait. I don’t mean to scare you, or be all doom and gloom, but this is a serious illness, and can affect all of his relationships with everyone who cares about him. Get him help. Be strong. I’m rooting for you, and wish you, your son, and your whole family all the best.

By: beth

beth — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 19:57:24 +0000

But how ? How do you fill hours of structured time for a four year old ? I have five children ages 19, 15, 13 , 7 and 4 ( three of the five have odd ) . I am a stay at home mother , but now feel totally inadequate, frustrated , bored, and isolated. I have no clue how to accomplish all that I need to accomplish.

By: Jodi

Jodi — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 10:32:05 +0000

Hi
Look into abb therapy. For you and your child.. I have a abb therapist 12 hours a week. My son who used to act like yours is now 9 and 1000 times better. I had to learn how to act with him, I had to be taught. Applied behavior analysis. Is what abb stand for..

By: Tana

Tana — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 21:55:28 +0000

I have a 3 1/2 year old boy who exhibits most, if not all of the signs of ODD. He will purposely throw his cup of juice on the floor, throw things in the car then scream at the top of his lungs because it’s dropped. He will bite, punch, kick, and smack his siblings. It starts first thing in the morning, he’s not happy with what’s for breakfast…then asking him to put on his shoes takes another 45 minutes, until I finally have to put them on for him (which also results in rage, because he insists on (NOT) doing it himself. Pretty much anything I ask him to do, he won’t do it. This child has me in tears practically every day. It is so upsetting to the point where I even question the control I have over my anger when he does these things. I have 3 other children who went through “typical” development behaviors, but NOTHING even remotely close to what I’m going through with my youngest son. I need help and advice! My entire household is disrupted because of this behavior. It seems like all he wants to do is make me angry, and do things that he knows will upset me. And the violence is also very frightening. I caught him one night a couple of hours after I had put him to bed, in his sisters’ room, shooting at her with a toy gun…this was especially frightening! Please, if anyone reads this, I need some resources or at least peace of mind that i’m not alone in this.

By: Ellen K

Ellen K — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 23:05:02 +0000

Jessica,
This may come a little late, but I believe what Jouke is talking about is chelation therapy. This can be done in various ways and removes the heavy metals and other toxins from the body.

By: Melanie Bremner

Melanie Bremner — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:37:09 +0000

My son is only 3 and has many of the traits listed here already. We took him to the docs for a behavioral evaluation since my oldest daughter was diagnosed as ADHD when she was younger(10 i think it was) and then at 18 it was turned to Bi-Polar by another doc.

As for my son, the doc said according to her preliminary assessment she would say that my son is just very head strong. But sometimes it seems like there is an overwhelming compulsion that he just can’t over ride, even when he knows it is wrong and he will get in trouble.

Reading all these stories here gives me a little more strength and encouragement to get through things.

Thanks for all your great info and advice.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 18:43:50 +0000

Has anyone tried the GAPS diet for this? it is created by a neurologist, and said to help with many disorders, really any psychological or behavioral issue. I am thinking of trying it with my 4 year old who demonstrates many of these behaviors, but is not diagnosed with anything.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 18:35:22 +0000

Hi Jouke,
Can you reply with what you call the name of it? I really want more information on this. Thanks!

By: Penny

Penny — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 07:02:14 +0000

I am a grandmother that adopted my grandchild.we have had her since she was 18 mon. old and now she is 7 and I am about out of my mind.We have and are doing the things we are told to do,but lately she has gotten even worse.We take her to counsel and she has even started to go off in them.She does great in school and is on a swim team but as soon as she walks in the door it starts.Everyday no matter what we say,I can ask how did school go and that will be the start for the night.She is on and goes in a tantrum and it like that till she falls asleep.My husband has been depressed and won’t go anywhere because she fights with us,but then again she is bonded to him and I am the one she doesn’t like,its like she is jealous of me.My house is a mess and if I clean she makes sure that it doesn’t doesn’t stay that way.We have done what the counselor has told us but like I said instead of a inprovement it goes downhill.

By: Patricia

Patricia — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 20:09:33 +0000

Does anyone reply to these comments seeking help?

By: Rosa Campbell

Rosa Campbell — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 01:01:33 +0000

I have more of a question than a comment. What if your child is acting out with adults at school, but never with adults at home or at church? He curses the teachers & principals, but never me (the mom) or his grandparents or his step dad. He skips school as well. I think that its ODD, but I can’t be sure. We have been to counseling where the said that he had ADD and put him on Concerta, but that didn’t work, then we had a counslor that said there was nothing wrong with him, that he just does it to the adults that can’t actually do anything to him, but put him out of school.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 02:38:12 +0000

ODD is not a Dx that stands on its own. It is always in conjuction with another “primary” Dx and is an outcropping of expirences, interactions and environment. If I understand it correctly ODD is going to be changed in the DSM IV and reclassified.

By: Mindy Chenault

Mindy Chenault — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 06:14:08 +0000

I knew my husband and I were in trouble when I tried to wean our 3rd child and he would slug me — at age 2 — saying, NURSE! Now!!!

Even with Masters Degree Studies in counseling, we found we were really in over our heads. We tried counseling. We read the Transforming the Difficult Child (but it was too tedious), and finally we ordered James Lehman’s program, Total Transformation.

We are still going through this program, since it takes time. We are still paying for it, but it is worth it. So worth it! What is really valuable are the counselors available 24-7 to answer your questions when you have to take a 10 minute time out to keep from exploding at your already explosive kid.

We are no where near complete in following through all the steps of this program. But I will say what we have seen so far is the simplicity of the program is the KEY to its effectiveness.

This past week we took our child in for a thorough neuropsychological evaluation… He not only is probably ADHD, but ODD, and perhaps has some chemical imbalances as a root cause. He also needs vision therapy and is dyslexic. But he looks like a perfectly normal kid to those outside of our family who do not know him. He’s a charmer and a manipulator so he knows how to get what he wants. But he treats his family like dirt, and turns violent when he doesn’t get his own way. And he’s only 11. So it scares me. I fear for my safety if he continues on this path…

The guilt has been horrible, when others breathe down your neck with their judgments and criticisms. It really hurts, and has been really hurting my his brothers and stresses out our family almost every waking moment. Sometimes I’ve gotten so depressed all I want to do is sleep.

After getting the Total Transformation Program, I feel hope for the first time. The evaluations will help us pinpoint if we are missing anything, so we know what we are dealing with. But I like Dr. Lehman’s sensible approach. He says the kids need to be functioning adults by the time they are 18, no matter what their diagnosis… And that is what the simple steps of his program help you achieve.

Dr. Lehman has given us a valuable gift–the hope of peace and sanity for our families. We may never achieve all the peace we’d like with these kids, but at least we can level the playing field…

Well, I highly recommend this course… It is worth the sacrifices you might have to make in buying it… Try it!

By: Ishita Verma (india)

Ishita Verma (india) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 01:09:44 +0000

When I first read the article, I was amazed! The piece was almost a description of my home with different names of course. I dont know whether my child can be placed under the ‘label’ ODD, but yes, a lot of his behaviour do sum up to much of what is written. However, it did open my eyes to how I have been behaving (and should not!) and the comment by Barbara Gilbert was truly helpful.

By: Barbara Gilbert

Barbara Gilbert — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 00:01:59 +0000

As a counselor I think its important to point out that many of these catagories overlap and are all man-made labels for behaviors we are struggling to understand and find constructive ways to deal with. ODD is often related to an underlying attachment disorder or RAD where power struggles are about a child’s deep fear of being abandoned. I strongly suggest that parents check out Heather T Forbes and B. Bryant Post’s material on Beyond Consequences Institute – http://www.beyondconsequences.com for some deeply constructive techniques on dealing with issues like ODD nd RAD.

By: resource

resource — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 20:47:22 +0000

Neurotransmitters
Great info – resource I just came across.

“Today I’m going to address those I will now refer to as the walking wounded! Their symptoms range from moodiness, brain fog, sleep disorders, and occasional blue feelings to chronic pain and stress! These are the men, women and children with a cluster of symptoms caused by factors that conventional examinations can’t seem to pinpoint. They often bounce from one doctor to another hoping someone can identify the source of their pains and symptoms.

Many of these “walking wounded” have tried anti-depressants because a neuro-chemical imbalance has been suspected, or used a prescription pain reliever to get them over a chronic episode. However, symptoms or fears make the relapse rate very high in these folks.

In a few situations, practitioners have investigated further into the possibility of neurotransmitter impairment and discovered common links!

The links being neurotransmitter deficiencies!

What causes these deficiencies is one or an accumulation of factors such as genetics, poor diet, drug or alcohol abuse, toxic exposure, prescription drugs, stress and more.

NeuroScience, the worlds leading researcher on neurotransmitters says, “Because nutrients provide the precursors and support for neurotransmitter synthesis and metabolism, patients can improve their neurochemical signaling with nutrient based therapies. With proper diet changes and supplementation, patients can be restored to normal living.”

Well, having said all that, what is a neurotransmitter?

In 1921, an Austrian scientist named Otto Loewi discovered the first neurotransmitter.

A neurotransmitter is a chemical that transmits nerve impulses from one nerve cell to another. Neurotransmitters are brain chemicals that act as electrical switches in the brain. If you are deficient you basically have a power failure and there are blips in the brain. An example is when you’re telling someone a story and suddenly a specific piece of information is missing–you just had a short circuit.

Major neurotransmitters are acetylcholine, dopamine, gamma-aminobutyricacid norepinephrine, and serotonin.

These neurotransmitters are responsible for major bodily functions, for example:

Serotonin is considered essential for relaxation, sleep, and concentration. A lack of serotonin can produce behavior such as depression, suicide, impulse aggression, alcoholism, sexual deviance and explosive rage. An over abundance of serotonin is linked to masked aggression, obsessive compulsiveness, fearfulness, lack of self-confidence, and shyness.
Women only produce 2/3 as much serotonin as men. This is believed to be the reason women are more susceptible to serotonin related disorders such as depression and obesity.

Norepinephrine is a neurotransmitter also known as adrenalin.
You know the fight or flight response. Also, the heart and blood vessels as well as the ability to focus your attention.

Acetylcholine is possible the most widely used neurotransmitter in the body! It is essential for sustaining memory and the ability to learn.

Neurotransmitters are basically responsible for transmitting
data.

While there are other Neurotransmitters the main ones and the ones being discussed today are made from enzymes! So once again there is diet involved!

So what do you do if you’re having one of many of these symptoms?

Well, my husband was experiencing some little blips with the memory! We had him tested as well as myself with the neurotransmitter kit.

Go over results…

Started on the program of specific nutrients to target his lack.

What promotes clear thinking?*

A diet free of Transfatty acids

Full of good fats

EFA supplements

Brain Sharpener

Good water, 99% of all chemical reactions in the body
are facilitated by water.

5 HTP

The specific supplements recommended by Neuroscience

Get off as many drugs as possible whether they be prescription or over the counter.

Husband on eye drops, cause of problem

* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

“Valerie Saxion, N. D. earned her Doctorate in Naturopathy from Clayton College in 2000. She is not a medical doctor and her statements and recommendations are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.”

http://www.valeriesaxion.com/showNotesDetails/52.html

By: preeti

preeti — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 12:56:00 +0000

hi,
this is something happening in my home all the time, as my younger son(8 years) has such behaviour patterns.I really really hope this helps.I am desperate to se a reformed child, because he is not at peace with himself and I want to help him.

By: Joy

Joy — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 21:31:00 +0000

I have a daughter who may or may not have ODD, but she is a close fit. She is now 11 and has been fighting me since she was a toddler. I often say that she is programed to do exactly to opposite of what I tell her to do. My most difficult problem is the “natural consequences” that end up effecting her siblings.

My son has Asperger’s, for example I prepare him to drive to town to go to the mall (he is usually fine if he knows what to expect) and my younger daughter is well behaved and goes along with anything. The defiant daughter will purposely ruin a trip if she decides she doesn’t want to go. Or if I say “We won’t go to town if you don’t behave” then I end up punishing her siblings. I am effectively a single mom because my husband frequently is working out of state so I can’t leave the misbehaving child home with him. The one time I left my 11 year old home alone for an hour I smelled sulfer when I got home because she was lighting matches, so leaving her home isn’t an option.

How can I punish her without punishing her siblings too?

Joy

By: Jackie

Jackie — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 21:14:50 +0000

You might try this website…

http://www.docspeak.com/ODD/index.htm

I found his website very informative and I bought 65 copies of his book – as a Teacher Appreciation Gift for the teachers in the school at which I was the PTA President.

Is Your Child Too Defiant?
Carolyn Jabs

This article appeared in the March, 1999 issue of WorkingMother magazine

By: Suzann

Suzann — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 19:04:12 +0000

This is the personification of my son. Mornings are getting a bit better, mostly because we choose to limit our communication.

We tried to set “rules” for the house – the structure of which you speak. That lasted about three days then the negotiating began.

I understand the need to avoid argument because he is so reactive, but how do I tell my husband to just ignore it when a 10 year old tells him to F*** off or S*** his D***?

We do love him so much, but we are just exhausted. I don’t know how to get across the idea of being respectful. We do our very best to be good role models, but we have our limits.

By: Karen

Karen — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 17:55:23 +0000

A lot of they symptoms discribed for ODD can be applied to my 8 yr old son though not all of them. I wondering if this type of behavior is hereditary or environmental? My son’s father is extremely hotheaded and would break down in temper tantrums at a drop of a hat. We divorced because of this. When I watch my son with his father he behaves the same way and his father doesn’t try to disipline him whereas I would of immediately. This child is a very sweet & loving child but when he goes off there is no reasoning w/ him and he always has to have the last word. I’ve taken to sending him to his room and ignoring him when he misbehaves and this seems to work better than previous disaplines but he just refuses to get the message. The child cannot keep his mouth shut and it gets him into lots of trouble. I’ve read many books about his behavior and tried many methods but to no avail. The child everybody used to love and enjoy no one wants to be around anylonger. I would love to try the Total Transformation Program but the cost is too much for a single mom. Could you possibly publish some more in depth advice and methods for dealing w/ a child like this from the TTP?

By: Glenn

Glenn — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 17:14:35 +0000

I have been receiving this newsletter for the last year or so. This is the first time I feel compelled to respond. I am the step father of an 11 year old boy who has been what I describe as ‘terrorizing’ his mother since he was about 5. Everything in the description of ODD fits with his behaivior. But I also see the wisdom of very careful diagnosis. From the moment he wakes up til the moment he goes to sleep is one fight after the other about everything. Very often escalating to violence. It rarely overflows onto me and I only get involved when he becomes violent to his mother. When he is alone with me he is obediant and we rarely ever fight or argue about anything. Baby-sitters and family members describe him as a perfect gentleman. School problems are often but limited to recess times and after school care. Can this disorder be so easily ‘turned on’ and ‘turned off’ like this?

By: Laura

Laura — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 15:52:29 +0000

Check out artofliving.org A nonprofit amazing group of trained volunteers who teach the art of destressing through breathing, meditation and yoga. It truly is easier done than said. It is geared for both Adults and Children. Not the norm for us Westerners and I was amazed to learn how many Drs. and PhDs have taken and prescribe this course.

By: Susan

Susan — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 15:22:20 +0000

Please be careful of the ODD diagnosis. As a psychologist who has worked with children and teens with aggressive, acting out behavior, some who committed violent crimes I find ODD a “catch all” diagnosis that does not help anyone find a source of anger, nor an appropriate treatment. ODD is not a biologically based (brain based) diagnosis. I feel it primarily exists for doctors and psycholgists to give aggressive/acting out behavior a name, when they can’t think of anything else to call it.
Like others have stated here, ODD behaviors can have many sources–autism spectrum, mood disorders, family dynamics, parenting styles, food allergies, and yes, temperment. The best way to treat a child with an ODD presentation is to get a thorough psychological and neuropsychological evaluation by someone who specializes in working with and diagnosing children and teens. Do not accept a diagnosis of ODD without further investigation of an underlying cause. I know of NO child who acts out, argues, or tantrums due to “only” ODD. ONce you understand the underlying cause, then you can target treatment to really help your child manage their feelings and behaviors.
Susan Giurleo, PhD
http://www.childdevelopmentpartners.com

By: Dana

Dana — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 15:11:08 +0000

Another book that might be helpful for challenging children is Transforming the Difficult Child, the Nurtured Heart Approach. It outlines a structured behavior and reward system. It’s also known as Energy Parenting, as it teaches children to get your positive energy rather than your negative energy. The author is Howard Glasser. It was a godsend for us when my son was 5 and out of control. He is 10 now and truly transformed. He wants to please and be helpful rather than defiant.