Parenting FAQ’s
by Ellen C. Braun
Filed under Problem Solving
I enjoy getting to know RaisingSmallSouls’ visitors and subscribers better, and I’d like to know what I can do to help your family!
Feel free to tell us about your child or children, and ask your most pressing parenting questions over here.
I will do my best to answer your question in a future newsletter! Please use the ‘search’ box in the right sidebar to check if your question has already been addressed within RaisingSmallSouls.
What is the most important question you have about raising children?
Be specific, include your child’s age, and only post questions you are comfortable being publicly viewed!
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My name is Jane I am 29 years old, I work as a teaching assistnat.I am a mother to 2 boys aged 8 and 11.
I look forward to chatting to you all.
My name is Lynn im 32 years old and im a single parent of a 5 year old boy with severe autism.
my name is Anita and I work as a teaching assistant.
I have two girls aged 9 and 7.
My most pressing parenting issue at the moment is how much freedom I should give my 9 year old.
she is always saying to me’You never let me do anything’ but Iam worried about how much independence she should have. I realise it is important to their development to let them go eventually, Iam just nervous about the day when
I eventually have to let her be independent.
does anyone have any advice on this matter?
Welcome Jane! Life is a circus with little boys- I have 3 of them:)
Lynn, glad to have you on board. I hope some of the info on RSS can help you and your son… **hugs**
Anita, welcome! That’s an important topic, and I plan to address it in a future newsletter. Try to give her the opportunity to make decisions that are important to her, yet would not be detrimental if she made the wrong choice, i.e.- give her a choice of 2 or 3 acceptable summer activities to choose from.
Hi I’m Lesley. I have 2 boys aged 7 and 4. I struggle every weekend with getting my 7 year old to do his homework. I try and make it fun and not last all day, but all I’m met with is negativity and stubbornness. Can you offer any advice?
Hi Lesley,
Great question…dealing with homework!
Off the top of my head, I’ll share what has worked for my son, and I’ll do some research for more ideas that I’ll incorporate in an upcoming newsletter.
I give my son a choice. (He’s also 7!) “Do you want to do homework now or in half an hour. When we are done you can choose a or b. (A or B are a choice of two snacks, or two stores he’s been wanting me to take him to….) He always chooses the “in a half-hour” option, and after 30 minutes, I call him to the table, and he knows this must get done before we can move on to any more fun in the day.
Please let us know how that works for your son- and best of luck:)
Hello,
How can I teach my child to respect me. In the past I have done things to seriously hurt my child. How can I gain his respect back?
Wow, Liz, that is a tough question! Before I can begin to respond, I’ll need to better understand the background- how old is your son and what was done to him…
Wishing you the very BEST!
~Ellen
Hi Ellen,
Actually I’m a grandmother looking for innovative ways to make their weekends interesting while they are visiting. They are 4(boy) and 3(girl) and are cousins. They have both been through alot in their short lives. 4 yo dad is in jail for drugs, and 3yo parents are splitting up. They love each other but fight like cats and dogs when they are together
Hello everyone, I am a mother of 6 boys, ranging from 18 years to 7 months old. My current challenge is my 6 year old. He’s a beautiful, charming, polite child about 90% of the time. However, the other 10% is horrible; he screams, throws things, and generally loses all control of himself. Afterwards he is genuinely remorseful, and has told me in the past that he cannot help it. Currently I am using several methods for ADD which work pretty well; however, he is still having a very difficult time in school. I need to figure out some way to make him understand that he needs to try to control himself on his own, without me. Maybe it’s just a matter of time before he does it himself.
Sorry so long; any advice would be appreciated
For Lesley, regarding homework; I use an egg timer with my 6 year old. “Lets see if you can do this page in 10 minutes” or “Work on this for 15 minutes, then you can have a break” or the ever popular, “I’ll set the timer, and we’ll see who finishes first!” (Then I balance my checkbook.)
Hi Donna,
That’s a truckload of issues for such little ones!
Some of the best activities for children of that age are spontaneous, like the box from the new dishwasher, or playing with cookie dough. I plan to post an article soon about innovative activities, I got very creative with my children on winter Sundays when my husband had to work.
Jennifer- Wow, that sounds extremely challenging… I’m sure you’ve had him professionally evaluated already. When he has the tantrums, how about if you gently guide him to his room, hold him, and say, “Mom wants to help you calm down. Are you ready for me to help you?” This worked well for one of my tantrum-prone children. Often, he’d say, “No, I don’t want to calm down!” And I’d respond, “Ok, Sweetie, we have to stay here, away from the rest of the family, until you are ready for me to help you calm down.” I’d rub his back, sing him favorite songs, etc… although it was challenging for me to remain calm during his tantrum- it worked, and he has a lot less tantrums now!
I have 3 kids (5, 3 and baby) and the older 2 play well together 95% of the time. The other 5% leaves me feeling like I’m doing something wrong. I’m trying to teach them to be respectful to each other, but so far it’s not getting through.
Ellen,
I would like to do a presentation on educating children as individuals. I would like to know if “Animal School” is available for download for that purpose?
Thanks!
I was with my step-daughter’s two teenaged boys today. All they do is spend time in front of their computers – mostly on videogames. Their parents don’t know what to do, and are really concerned about it…
Any thoughts – perhaps about some good sites that would be better than some of the violent games they seem to gravitate to? or anything else that might help?
Jennifer- that egg timer idea is great- I haven’t used it for homework, however I will now! Generally I’ve found the timer to be somewhat miraculous regarding telling children when their ‘turn’ is over:)
QHAmom- Hmmm… it sounds like a really normal family that you’ve got over there! Sibling rivalry has been around since the very first siblings… and Cain killed Abel! Are you sure you’re not being too “perfectionist-minded” in your quest for sibling peace? I’ve written about some tips that worked for me to minimize sibling rivalry; however anyone who tells you that it can be totally eliminated has definitely never been a parent!
Doreen- thank you for your interest in the ‘Animal School Movie‘. I have asked my more technically-savvy friend how on earth that could be done, and I’m waiting for a reply- will keep you posted:)
Dori- Are the teens generally unmotivated? Is their schoolwork, social, and sports life suffering from their preoccupation with video games? Or, would you say video games are simply their favorite activity, much to their parents’ dismay?
I have two beautiful children, Colton 5 and Carley 4. Colton attends a Montessori School which makes me extremely happy, and Carley will be starting this year. Our biggest family issue is my husbands job. My husband is a truck driver and is only home once every 3-4 weeks for 3-4days at a time. My kids miss him very much and he misses them, however this is the only way we can afford for me to stay home with the kids. We have tried him changing jobs but unfortunately this is the only way he can make enough money for us to live. Believe me we are not extravagant at all. Any suggestions?
Melissa
I have 2 boys, Cory 7 1/2 and Jimmy almost 4. My problem is that I am having a very difficult time potty training Jimmy. I thought it would be easy since he wants to do whatever Cory is doing. He just refuses and most times doesn’t even mind sitting in a dirty diaper. Please help!!!!!!!
Christy
Hi, i’m Maya, mother to a 1 yr old girl and 4 yr old boy. We have just gone through a big move and it’s taking it’s toll on the 4 yr old. My most pressing question right now is how to provide him with the support he needs through so much change. He is “acting out” with us; having tantrums, yelling, some hitting, and also picking on his little sister. It’s hard for me to keep clear how much is stress related and how much is “normal” 4 yr old behaviour.
Thanks!
Hi! My name is Lisa, I’ve been married for 13 years and have a 4 year old son named Zack. Like Jennifer posted about her son, Zack is a typical 4 year old boy 90% of the time. But when he gets mad, he throws things, slams doors, hits his friends. He’ll say he’s sorry after he calms down and will come hug and kiss me and apoligize for getting mad. How can I help him learn to control his temper???
Hi Melissa- It sounds like you have a wonderful family with a not-such-a-wonderful-job bundled along. Well, firstly, be greatful it’s not the other way aound!
I’m reminded of the European fathers at the turn of the 20th Century who left their wives and children behind in Europe while they tavelled to the Promised Land of America to make a living. It often took them years until they had saved enough money to bring the rest of their family overseas. I wonder if any of us have grandparents that could give us tips from those days?
Some ideas that come to mind are having your husband create tapes (burn DVD’s or record MP3′s if you’re really savvy!) of storybooks, where he can say “Beep!” and your child can turn the page… I’m sure you remember those books from your childhood. Additionally, he can read fables and fiction stories that would ordinarily be above your 4 and 5 year-olds’ comprehension, and say the story over in his own words to a tape for them to listen while he is away.
Perhaps this year, when your 4-year-old starts school, you can look into bringing home some additional money, which can lead to your husband changing jobs to a local one!
Hi Christy- Yes, at close to 4, you would be at your wit’s end regarding potty-training.
The bottom line when motivating children of any age is that you must motivate them based on what they would want, rather than what you want!
I wrote an article recently about how I motivated my children, that you will find useful. Additionally, I recall hanging a brand-new, gorgeous, colorful tricycle over the door of the coat-closet in our entrance, in order to motivate my oldest child to use the potty. He knew- that he would get “a bike and a bike-hat” (that was a helmet, lol!) after he used the potty to go #2- it took nearly a week, and then it worked!
Good Luck:)
Hi Maya- Moving is a tough time for everyone in the family. I’d recommend that you go the extra mile implementing extra quality time that is devoted just to her. Be gentle with her, without letting her manipulate you- a little TLC will go a long way to alleviate stress. Also, look out in the RaisingSmallSouls newsletter for an article about dealing with temper tantrums- I’ve already started writing it in my mind;)
Hi Lisa- Temper tantrums are just as hard on your child as they are on you. Like I just wrote, I have the basics of how to handle temper tantrums already written in my mind, I just need to get it into my computer! The main point is that YOU must feel confident, and not allow yourself to be manipulated by his behavior- I promise, You can do it! Then he will learn (over a couple of weeks) that there is little to be gained by throwing a tantrum.
I’ll get to that article later this week, ok? I’ll add a category in the left sidebar called “Temper Tantrums” when I have it up, so keep checking back:)
Stay calm! ((Hugs!))
Any advice on getting your 4 year old to ride the bike he got for Christmas. He is so worried about falling off of it. We’ve told him the training wheels will help keep him from turning over and he gets frustrated so easy when he can’t peddal forward. He tries peddling backwards then gets frustrated with that. Any suggestions are very welcome.
Lisa, the first thing that came to mind is- has he ever been tested by an occupational therapist? It could be he has low muscle tone which makes him feel insecure about pedalling, and therefore scared.
From your description, it sounds like a 2-wheeler with training wheels. Prior to this gift, did he ride a tricycle? That’s where my children learned to pedal! If not, get him a trike or bigwheel, he’ll be closer to the ground and thus more secure.
ZACK LOVED HIS TRICYCLE. HE’S TO BIG FOR IT NOW. HIS DOCTOR HAS TESTED HIS MUSCLE TONE AND STATED THAT HE IS ALL MUSCLE. HE IS VERY STRONG FOR HIS AGE AND TALL. HE’S JUST UNDER 4 FEET TALL. HIS COUSIN IS COMING OVER THIS WEEKEND TO RIDE HIS BIKE SO MAYBE ZACK WILL WANT TO BE LIKE HIS OLDER COUSIN THAT HE ADORES. WE’LL SEE
Hi I am Lisa. I have 5 kiddos ages almost 14, 9, 5, 3, almost 1, and 1 on the way.
I just want us to be better parents. I am looking forward to reading all the materials on this site.
Lisa, mom of Zack- please keep us posted as to his progress!
Lisa with 5, nearly 6, children, how on earth did you have time to post a comment, lol! Thanks for joining us here.
I have just added a “subscribe to comments” feature, so that you can follow along with our conversation:)
Hi, I am Kim. I have 2 children, ages 4 and 2.
I guess my main issue right now is how to juggle working at home and being able to spend quality time with my girls at the same time. I don’t want to be on the computer 8-5 and not be able to interact with them like I need to. What is a good balance? There just isn’t enough time in the day!
I’m 38; have two kids 4 and 1. Oldest was adopted. Hope to have more. We are unschoolers, attachment parenting, natural medicine, etc., a “crunchy” family.
My daughter Marnie will be 2 years old in two weeks. Her brother died in Feb. 8 days after he was born. How do I help her when I get upset? She’s extremely sensitive (emotionally) and cries if she sees that I have a “boo boo”, never mind me crying about something as abstract as death. We have been honest and simple in explanations and have a book to read to her to help her understand that he died and isn’t coming home.
Thanks,
Dee-Dee
Hi,
I’m Ade. I’m a consultant and single father to an 11 year old boy. I think he’s amazing kid but like all kids needs guidance to get to his full potential. I tend to think he’s perfect because he hardly slips up, and when he does slip up I lose my cool and get disappointed. I’d just like access to tips that help me become a better dad and be more patient with him when he does slip. It’s hard being single and a full-time work-at-home dad but I’m willing to do even more. Ade, Best regards to everyone!