Comments on: Parenting FAQ’s

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Wed, 04 Jun 2008 10:54:18 +0000

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Fri, 30 May 2008 08:40:36 +0000

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by: Linda

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 19:32:54 +0000

Karen, when you locate local homeschool support people, be sure to ask them what sort of curriculum would work well for this type of learner. There may be other local resources that will help you as well. You are right that this is part of the problem with him not fitting in well in the public school system.

Blessings,
LInda

by: Karen

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 18:29:58 +0000

Thank you again Linda. Very useful information. I agree that when he feels that he has some control of his education he is more willing to cooperate. He is a very sweet soul and he amazes me all the time. His eight year old brother has just gotten into the gifted program as well but he is very different from my older son. I do know that my older son is a highly visual spatial learner which does not go well in a traditional setting.

by: Linda

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 14:09:41 +0000

Karen, please feel free to start at my website: tn-heart-and-hearth.com . It’s not just a local site, but has a lot of resources that will help you no matter where you live. Then you’ll need to get some local and state-specific information to be sure you’re doing everything the way that’s right for your location.

Your concern about his listening is well-founded. However, if you are NOT requiring useless & repetitive work, he should (in theory) quickly come to appreciate that you are on HIS side. He feels very alienated from his teachers, and in opposition to them, I’m sure. Hopefully you can get him on your side in helping to select curriculum etc, so that he’ll team with you, both having the same goal - his good education. For instance, you’re looking at history books, & you as the parent/teacher narrow the selection to 2 or 3 good ones. Then let him as the student who will be using it select which of those he really likes.

Again, if you’d like more help, feel free to post anytime.

Blessings,
Linda

by: Karen

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:15:22 +0000

Thank you Linda for your reply. I am going to look into the homeschooling. I think it would benefit my son.
I think of how we have such problems over homework, which he feels is useless and repetitive, that I wonder how he will listen if I am his teacher.

by: Anu

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 04:28:18 +0000

Dear all moms,

I have a 3 year old lovely daughter and we stay in India with me, my hubby and our angel. Both of us work in IT and daughter will start school from June this year. She is presently at daycare in our office premises.
I want to tell you all mothers that we are all doing great jobs and keep it going.

Love
Anu

by: Linda

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 23:24:47 +0000

Karen, I have been homeschooling for 23 yrs. Of course I lost my sanity before ever starting, but that’s about the only drawback. (Who needs sanity anyway?) I am a local homeschool support group leader in TN & would be glad to help you in any way that I can - curriculum, etc, but I probably couldn’t help with legal requirements or other local concerns. For that, there are local support groups in all 50 states, and especially in larger towns there are generally several groups. Just google “Homeschooling in Mytown, USA” and you should turn up some really helpful people.

Don’t be shy of asking questions or afraid to jump in and get your feet wet. Remember: the decision to homeschool is NOT irreversible. How much harm can you do in a semester or even a year? If your son is not an ‘average’ student, then homeschooling will fit him better than public school, which by necessity has to be structured for the average student.

Good luck and feel free to post again if you have any other questions.

Blessings,
Linda

by: Karen

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 22:08:00 +0000

I am the mother of two boys ages 8 and 11 and a 3 month old girl. My problem is motivating my 11 year old. He is just not interested in school. He is in a gifted program but he thinks so outside the box that i am considering homeschooling him. Traditional schools are no longer working for him but i have to admit that homeschooling scares me.

by: Elita Thia

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 14:24:44 +0000

HELP! My son is 9 years old and just this year has become quite a chronic liar. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried lecturing him, talking to him, making him stand in a corner while I talk to him….he lies about the littlest of things, sometimes to avoid being punished for some little mistakes, stuff I won’t even punish him for, sometimes making up things to make himself look good. I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t think I have been so strict with him that it is necessary for him to lie to me. I’m just heartbroken that even after the heart-to-heart talks, he still resorts to lying first as a first means.

by: April

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 02:17:47 +0000

Hello, I am the mother of two wonderful kids, although tiring. My Daughter is 9 and my son is 2 next month (same father and monther by the by…many people wonder that…just son was a mircle baby) and they love each other completely. My son falls his sister around all day and worship the air she breaths. But sister is 9 and wants her on space at times. She also gets jealous because an infant/toddler requires more one on one time…he won’t feed himself or cloth himself after all. What is the solution of making her feel more “loved” without taking away her growing independence…ther hardly wants to spend “quality time” with old mom anymore but only wants attention when brother needs Mom!
Am full time Mom and Part time Student by the by
And full time Army wife (which means, almost a single parent with a parttime Father when home).
Any help that doesn’t take more then 5 minutes would be ideal!

by: Karen

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 03:08:23 +0000

Yvonne,
I know a family that had the same situation; the problem was solved very quickly believe it or not! This person decided to go to the doctor and confront the situation because she was at her witts end ~ (she tried everything you mentioned and then some!)
The doctor told her to go to the toy store and buy the toy that the child wants more than anything in the world (nothing out of budget of course) and put it somewhere they can see it, but can’t get to it. Then tell them that if they want it bad enough, they will stop peeing in the bed and get up to go potty like a big kid. In the situation I mentioned the toy was a simple truck. It took him 3 days. He decided that truck was worth it and never had an accident because he knew if he did, he’d lose his truck and have to start over. He had to go every night for a few nights in a row to earn the truck in the first place.
I hope this helps!
Karen

by: Yvonne

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 23:06:09 +0000

Hello,
I am a mom of a 4 and half year old girl, and I truly have problems to get her dry over night.

My husband sais to not giver her anything to drink 3 before she goes to sleep. Yet, she runs around and we all know what ‘burning energy’ does, it get’s a person thirsty. I won’t let her drink much, but I can’t seem to not give her anything to drink at all.

Also he suggests to wake her up when I go to sleep and make her go to the bath room. I don’t want to do this, because it is in most cases the time when she is in her deep sleep period, and I don’t find it healthy to wake her up when she is in her deep-sleep period.

What can I do to get my child dry over night?
After all, she is going to be 5 years old this coming summer and she still has accidents almost every night.

I’d very much appreciate a suggestion that is less rigid than what my husband has suggested.

I feel pretty clueless lately, because I even put her potty including her night-light right close to her bed, in case ’she has to go’ at night.

She possibly does not even wake up and has not yet learned to wake up when she feels the urge.
What can I do to help her recognize this?

Thank you so much, guys for your input on my challege here.

Yvonne.

by: Sue

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 03:45:53 +0000

Hi, I have a 5 1/2 year old boy and a 3 1/2 year old girl. Recently, my son has been going to my bathroom and locking himself in there, and when I ask him what he’s doing, he says he just wants to be alone for a while. So I have not pressed on the issue, but after a little detective work, I know now that he goes to my dresser, takes one of my bras and goes into the bathroom and locks himself in there. I have no idea what he does in there. I know that at this age they are curious, etc. But I don’t know if this particular behaviour is normal, whether I should talk to him about it, confront him, or should I just let it go and he’ll get over it on his own. And if I do need to talk to him, what should I say? I really was not expecting this kind of concern at the age of 5!

by: rex

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 21:13:06 +0000

Question? I am 65 raising an 8 yr old daughter. Where can I find women who will take chance on dating a person in my situation?

by: Appliance parts

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 13:59:17 +0000

Thanks Ian for your recommendations but i prefer to see a medic prescribing that. My kid doesn’t respond well to every medicine so i must take very good care of that.Appliance parts

by: Ian Downie

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 19:33:42 +0000

Hi. I am the father of 4 and have 2 stepchildren who have now grown. [one is studying for a degree in nutrition]. Check out the websites http://www.mannarelief.org and http://www.rxfreekids.org/ the results are fairly amazing. Just had to reply to all who are struggling with children tagged with a ‘condition’ by the medics. I really can’t emphasise strongly enough how beneficial it can be to use glyconutitional supplements to help. Love to all you parents and kids. Ian. ian@downie.com

by: April

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 17:33:34 +0000

For Jennifer with the 6 year old explosive boy. My son is bipolar. This was not discovered until he started kindergarten. He always spoke very negatively about himself. He would become extremely verbally and physically aggressive towards adults at school and in child care. This is how and when it was discovered that he is bipolar. He is currently on two different medications and has taken at least a year and a half to get him close to leveled. On and off medication, being extremely positive and affirming is greatly successful. If you know that his behavior is not controlled, don’t dwell on it with him. Let him know that it is not acceptable but you are proud how he handled (name a certain situation). My son has become a more confident child with praise and recognition from family and caregivers. With his confidence level raised (and medication), he has become more successful than ever.

by: Lori

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 05:14:38 +0000

Hi, this is the first time I have posted on this site, but after reading the post from parents dealing w/ children w/ a disability, I thought I would share a little. I have a 7yr old son who has been diagnosed w/ autism. It is a struggle to find effective ways to help him learn. There a few therapies out there that have been utilized by many parents, they are Applied Behavior Analysis(ABA), TEACCH, and Floortime. We use ABA w/ our son and it has been a lifesaver….but every child is different and I researched each one before I decided which was best for my son. We also use a visual schedule w/ him, it is called PECS, basically it is showing him w/ pictures of everyday things, like brushing teeth, bathing, dressing, eating, play time activities, etc…of what he will be doing on any give day. Him being able to SEE what he will be doing, lessens his anxiety and helps relieve some stress for the rest of us…they thrive on routine and schedule and most of them process things better visually than verbally.

There are a ton of websites out there…check out www.do2learn.com for info on PECS, and the Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis website to find out more about ABA….you can do a search for the other therapies.

I have done a ton of research on autism and have an ABA therapist for my son….I would be happy to help anyone who has questions as I have a lot of info on my computer that I have downloaded and lists of resources and ideas.

Sorry sooooo loong!

Lori

by: rahel

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 18:13:37 +0000

hi, i see it’s been a while since someone posted
i have 5 kids, b”h, and when everyone gets home, everyone vies for attention i feel like sometimes i am going to crack
especially because my 3 year old screams until i actually get to him
any good advice on how to split myself into 5?
thanks

by: Shannon Flounders

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 20:33:37 +0000

My 2 1/2 year-old daughter has a fear of cars and parking lots. I am 36 weeks pregnant and when going from a parking lot to places such as her school or music class she throws a fit if I don’t carry her. It is not practical to put her in a stroller for these short trips. It is getting extremely difficult to carry her at this point in my pregancy. Has anyone dealt with this issue before? My pediatrician says it is a phase that she will grow out of, but that doesn’t help me now.

by: Leah Stoltz

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 16:30:30 +0000

heather,
My sister was so slow at eating when she was young, hours at the table. My mother made a cut out doll for the wall. every time my sister would take less than a certain amount of time, she could choose one item to put on the doll. If she took longer one item came off. Mom told me it worked pretty well for a while anyway. Perhaps this isn’t right for you, but something along that lines?
good luck

by: Susan

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 16:22:28 +0000

Heather:

Perhaps headphones might work — our daughter has found (she is older — 14) that if she has her headphones on (low) with music she can focuse much more effectively than without them. Generally, she’ll put one earphone in and leave the other out. Her teachers report that she participates in discussion and is on-task.

Just a thought.

Susan C

by: Heather

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 16:04:46 +0000

Hello, I have a 6 year old daughter that is a social butterfly. I have alot of problems getting her to focus on the task at hand she is to concerened about the goings on around her. At home we have ways to control this and seperating her from her brother when she must get work done. A small example is meal times she will take an hour to eat because she day dreams or is to busy acting silly. The timer just doesn’t work on her.

My biggest problem is at school, I saw this first hand today. All the other children have completed their work and she hasn’t even finished the firt project. She is to busy looking at everyone and else and around the room. The teacher has to give her a trifold board to put up in front of her to keep her focused. This works only half the time. She does very well if she finishes the work, she is a smart child I just consider her more of a free spirit.

So my question is, How do I encourge her to get her work done in a timely manner, without worring about what everyone else is doing? but at the same time encourage her bubbly personality. She is a great child but I’m worried that down the road her school work will become effected, I don’t want school to turn into a social event.
Thanks for your time

by: Mado

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 00:43:34 +0000

Hi all-
I am a lucky mom to a very spirited 3 1/2 year old. Lots of hugs to those who are going through hard times.

For those who are having issues with school/homework, I just wanted to let you know that the “traditional” school system is not the only way. There is a kind of school that has been around for almost 40 years that respects all kids and all kinds of learning. The original school is called Sudbury Valley http://www.sudval.org and there are about 30 others throughout the country. This may be too radical for some, but if this post helps even one family find peace that will be enough. Check out the website and order a book from them for more info. Take care and good luck.

by: Mado

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 00:42:26 +0000

Hi all-
I am a lucky mom to a very spirited 3 1/2 year old. Lots of hugs to those who are going through hard times. I don’t even feel like I should ask questions since the troubles I have with my daughter pale in comparison to what some are going through.

by: Catherine Butcher

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 18:20:07 +0000

Hello

My name is Catherine Butcher. My husband Dave and I have 3 children. Joshua is the oldest (14 years-starting high school), Caroline is in the middle (9 years-starting grade 5), Rachel is the youngest (will be 4 on Sept 4th-starting JK). Yes Rachel was a surprise, I became pregnant with her after selling all the baby furniture in a yard sale.

Josh and Caroline have required extra support. Joshua was diagnosed with Hyperlexia (which is similar to Aspergers Syndrome) when he was 4 and just starting JK. Caroline was diagnosed with bi-laterial sensory-neural severe to profound hearing loss and has been wearing hearing aids since 2 1/2 years old.

Rachel to this point only has an attiude issue which I’m sure has travelled down the gene pool from my grandmother.

Josh and Caroline are both doing amazing. Upon diagnois for each child we sought the help of professionals and did all we could for them in order to even out the playing field with their peirs. They are both integrated into the main stream in school. There were a few years that running to appointments averaged about 3 times a week. The extra appointments, information, research, home progaming, etc were very tiring but what I continue to find extremely draining emotionally and psychologically is the advocating.

by: Molly

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 20:28:15 +0000

Any advise on warring teenage sisters??
They are child # 1 and 2, 16 and 14 1/5, and have a love/hate relationship which is lately more hate than love. I have clearly told them that our home WILL be peaceful, and things have gotten a bit quieter, but far from perfect.

by: Linda

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 13:11:02 +0000

Nancy, I can’t address very many of your issues. But the last statement of your message jumped out at me. I have 10 children, the oldest of which are twin boys now 30 yrs old. When they were small, one of them had diarrhea a lot too, sporadically. They had been bottle-fed with regular formula from the start. When he was about 2.5 a doctor finally suggested I take him off cow’s milk. His diarrhea immediately vanished, and to our wonderment, he finally started to grow some hair. By the age of 3, his hair was lush & full like his brother’s. To this day he drinks only a milk substitute. We aren’t sure what part of the milk he’s allergic to, but it certainly was the culprit in his diarrhea. Perhaps your son is allergic to something else, but I would have to try an elimination diet for that part of the problem. Perhaps your chiropractor may have some ideas. I hope this helps a little!

by: Nancy Greenberg

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 07:40:35 +0000

Hi There,

I am a mother of 4 boys. The oldest, Nathan will be 7 in November. He is a high functioning child with mild autism. He’s very bright and right now we’re dealing with oppositional defiance. Then we have triplet boys who will be 2 in September. I started them with early intervention too. The regional center here is providing speech therapy for all 3, ABA for one of them and OT for another. The child receiving ABA (applied behavioral analysis) is also a client of California Children Services which deals with muscular issues such as cerebral palsy. This child is stiffer his torticollis (which brought us to get treatment for him)is almost gone. I get him additional PT each week too through my insurance and a chiropractor works on him too .All three triplets are doing great and catching up developmentally. I believe 2 will not qualify for speech after their next evaluation. I have one triplet who seems to get diarrhea a lot. I just changed a diaper at midnight. That’s all for now. Nancy

by: patricia

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 22:22:27 +0000

c.c hello there Does he consider himself a “bad boy” because of these tantrums? Is he invalidated or validated. Prtecteing him against himself is a parental responsibility even though you feel it gives him negative attention. He has had a thourough checkup. A thyroid disorder will produce thrashing like that.Is this a sudden thing…the change to hurting himself. any other behavior out of the ordinary like bed wetting. holding back a bowel movement? patricia

by: patricia

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 22:08:18 +0000

hi heather… Your child does need to socialize with children her own age. My daughter now six is a only child and had a hard time sharing but when she figured it goes both ways she became more easier to share with. There may be a early am social group for at home teachers in your vicinity for at least a hour where you can also talk to other moms. You can only do what you can do.My daughter always has alot more play time with her dad. I am always cleaning, straightening up, praying with someone, studying, cooking shopping..laundry disciplining..planning appts. and such. I give a md. two hrs a week in return for his srvices my insurance does not pay. Plus driving her to gymnastics reading and so on. Being a single mom I am always tired and want time to myself and only get that in my sleep. But I have and this has worked people…have set up a day and time to spend with her. whether it is coloring, fingerpainting..baking cookies. planting a plant. I use a timer. when the ding goes off she knows we have to wrap things up.
Children are very astute. she may feel your anxieties..frustrations. But know down the line things will work out. It is okay for her to want more from you and be angry. It is okay that you get frustrated and only can give so much. tell her things will chang but now they can’t keep it simple even if you think she cannot understand. hopefully some other parents have better suggestions. But social skils are important and she needs to know her world is bigger than she. Feel good.Get enough rest stop feeling guilty … patricia

by: Heather

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 16:25:15 +0000

Hi-I am Heather,25 year old mom to 4 year old Natalie. I work part time (less “part time ” than it was when I started) in the evenings and my husband is a college student, working on his masters degree and is a teachers assistant.I chose to work at night so we did not have to pay for child care, she stays with her daddy while I am at work. I am concerned about a few things I would like advice on. I teach our daughter at home( I want to be a teacher and have lots of exoerience and have confidence in teaching her) but since she is an only child, there are issues with social skills, sharing, bossiness and such when she is around others her age. I worry about not spending quality time with her, I work every night and sometimes Saturday as well ,and rush through most days trying to keep the house clean and cook and such. I get so stressed out and I feel so bad when I get angry at her.Since I started working, she tends to act up more and I get more frustrated with her. Any help, suggestions or anything(as long as there nice) would be much appriciated.Sorry this is so long!

by: patricia

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 01:32:29 +0000

Lisa, My sister was and is having grea difficulty with her fifteen year old son by relationship…( not Married yet )
He just started on new medication for impulse control as well. With chemical changes going on so does his syptoms. He is also very sexually preoccupied. We needed to bring him to another dr. The one he had woul just shake his head yes and write presriptions for the same things without any changes

I reccommended to her to give one order at a time for one week. That is the only chor he is responsible for. Unfortunately the constant remindeing is normal and frustrating for you. His father can’t handle it so the chore is given my her and the praise by his father. I know its har. they really do want to please. Just have a hard time. Ther get upset with themselves also. The same goes for the little on also. Juse every week change the chore. Silly…but eventually they will be able to jandle two a day and so on. Keep it simple. You loose patience…its okay. Also I do not knoe your son but we also found out that he was using his diagnosis to get out of things. Do not accuse him of this but eventually you will notice it. adhd kids after all are highly intelligent… patricia

by: patricia

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 01:18:17 +0000

Brandy…, Took me awhile to think about this one. You got a number of things going on. First I will be matter of fact and hope no offense is taken because none is intended.
There is no possible way you will be able to undue years of pain,disappointment,rejection, shame and distrust in this young girls life overnight
think of a tree that has been not fed properly. the wrong amount of sunshine, no fertilizer, very little water and very little pruning done at all. weeds thrive around it. the roots not very deep soil which may have not been healthy to begin with.
Most children who have been molested have mood disorders…and/or disocciative disorders..and/or self hatred. So she will not care what you do or say. She has very little self worth. If molested by someone she trusted and loved deepens the problem. The incident was wrong but felt good, because it realates to closeness and feeling good it gets all mixed up. she does not have the intelligence nor the emotionl ability do make anyrational well thought out decisions on her own behalf
She has already been raised. She needs guidence.

Take her to a christian center for pregnant teens where she can talk to someone about sex maybe even close to her own age. Take her to a hospital where she can see aids patients and patients with hepatitis who are fighting for their lives.
But most of all all three of you need to go for family counselin and the girl besides family counseling needs private counseling. Not only with a social worker but she needs psychiatric evaluation. It sounds like a lot and I pray it all can be done. You will save her life. You really will save her life. The tree trunks neeed to be sawed off that yield nothing. the soil turned over and fertilized…the weeds reemoved so newness can grow and the true nature of this young girl will blossom. patricia

by: Elena

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 01:15:20 +0000

re: animal school

It was quite wonderful. It ran fast but I kept up.

My children are nearly grown but I teach art to elementary students so I still care for many young souls. Encouraging art exploration and production can be tricky at best. You must enocurage constantly even for those that don’t want to be anywhere near an art room!

Elena

by: Lisa

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 16:56:12 +0000

I have 2 boys with ADHD, one a teenager at 15, the other a pre-teen at 11. We (my husband & I) are struggling with getting them to obey house rules (ie. picking up their belongings), doing their chores, and constantly having to remind them to get them to do anything (they have trouble staying focused even with medication for ADHD). Any helpful tips for raising teens and pre-teens with ADHD would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

by: CC

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 16:04:05 +0000

Hi, I have a son named Cameron that will be 4 in a couple of months. He has some of the wildest tantrums and we have been working on letting him work his way out of them instead of interfering. They do get shorter that way. BUT he has started to get physical with himself - slapping and scratching (very hard) himself. It really worries us. Most of the time we hold his hands down and tell him that we can’t let him hurt his body, but at the same time I am trying to give him space to throw his fits without interfering because that only makes them 30 times worse. Does anyone have experience with this? He is very spirited and strong and I THINK he’s only doing it because he gets a stronger reaction from mom and dad when he does it, but it really concerns us.

by: christy parker

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 14:20:57 +0000

Tanya,
If your pediatrician isn’t worried, then I would just give it a little more time with school coming so close. My son didn’t want to potty train, couldn’t throw or catch a ball, hit and bit kids, etc. at that age. When he started school (the week before during a tour), the school wanted to verify that he was potty trained. They said he wouldn’t be able to attend school if he wasn’t (this preschool’s regulations). He heard this and was worried. I told him he had to be potty trained and be able to do it himself prior to the first day of school. I almost gave up. He used the potty the night before school started, but then had accidents the morning of before leaving the house. I expected phone calls all day from the school to come get him, but he was so determined not to be a “baby” in front of the other kids that he used the potty at school and only had 1 or 2 accidents the rest of the school year. I think when kids get into the school setting, it changes things. My son had been around other kids in daycares all his life, but school was just different. He wanted to be a big kid and not picked on. It took him another year to be able to get better with a ball…and in gym he had poor grades until 2nd grade. But then suddenly in third grade he won the big 5 mile race that the school had. He is also on a baseball team now. He still hit and bit the first year of school, until he was suspended numerous times and told he would be expelled. I worried like you are too, but now he is 9 years old…and I have been told for two years now by two different schools that they want to move him up a grade because he is way ahead of the other kids academically and is very bored. He is also considered a genius in math and music…when he couldn’t keep a rythym to save his life when he was younger and was way behind the other kids. Now the school is recommending that I get my son voice lessons and an instrument becuase he is a natural at pitch and tone and loves to perform. He used to be so shy he would cry and hide at his school functions. I would definitely give your kids just a little more time and the experience of a school setting before worrying too much more. I would share your concerns with your pediatrician though.

by: Tanya

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 03:56:42 +0000

My name is Tanya and I am a twenty-four year old mother of 3 and 1/2 year old twin boys and a 16month old boy. I have my hands full with the twins and my biggest issue is should I be seriously concerned with the developmental delay? They speak on a two year old level, they are not potty trained and they dont have very good social skills. They are getting better with the potty training but are not even close to where they shoud be. They do seem like they are getting better but very slowly. They dont go to daycare and I have been told that going would help them. I have heard that it is normal for twins to be behind but I am starting to get concerned. They are going to be starting school in no time and I need some advice.

by: Sophie

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 01:40:46 +0000

I loved the video Animal School and believe it makes a lot of sense. I have always felt that all 3 of my children are unique and special in their own way. 2 of my 3 are very academic and the third is gifted socially as well as physically. School has always been a challange for my third child but I try to encourage his other qualities and help him get through the rest. If I had listened to his teachers all along I probably would have given up out of sheer exhaustion. Instead I have always encouraged my son and helped him when needed. I know all 3 of my kids will be who they were meant to be and I will enjoy the special gifts given to each of them along the way.

by: Ian Downie

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 12:22:08 +0000

Hi. I am a father with two step-children and four children that my wife and I share. The older girls are 28 and 25, the younger children are 16, 14, 13 and 11. The 13 yr old is the only boy amongst a bevvy of beautiful girls! I just wanted to say thank you for your beautiful media presentation ‘Animal School’ it really puts across some truth in a brilliant way; also for your website and e-mails. One of my friends who is a head teacher says he is going to use the presentation at the next teacher training day. Thankfully I/we don’t face any issues that raise a burning question at the moment, [other than how to afford life! lol] Thankfully we all know and love the Lord Jesus and are blessed to have been led by The Spirit to a great group of people meeting in cell church with a very understanding and insightful man as the Pastor. Keep up the good work and I know you will continue to be a valuable source of love and support to us all…thanks..blessings…..Ian.

by: ricky kilmer

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 00:44:43 +0000

i am a single christian father.i have custody of my 3 children,two daughters and a son.my girls are 12 and 10 and my boy is 5 years old.i was wondering if there are any tips on getting my older daughter to feel that she can be open with me?at times things are great,but often i only have a surfacey conversation with her,also any tips on getting the days work all done and not feeling that we all are running at a frantic pace.you know the getting ready and off to work and school,coming home church homework dinner house cleaning laundry.i am throughly convinced single moms are my heros,they seem to do it all,and it at least appears easy and peaceful.i often just put something off to enjoy time together or i go overboard and we are going going going all day and night.i am thankful that i have my children and God has blessed us to be together .so no matter what it takes we will make it and love each other,but any help is welcome.also is it just me or are more fathers raisings their kids today than ever before?i thought i was rare ,but have learned of many other men who are doing it all on their own nowadays?

by: Natalie

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 21:09:13 +0000

I am 35 years old and the mother to an 8 1/2 year old daughter and triplets (2 boys and a girl) who are 5 1/2. The thing I probably want help with most is learning patience. I know that my situation is unique and I require more patience than the average mom but sometimes I feel like I have none. I hate to always be “yelling” or saying “no” because in the end, those are the things I disliked most about my own mother. In the end, I didn’t hear anything my mother said because I tuned her out completely. I look forward to reading this website and learning how to better raise my small souls.

by: Linda

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 17:46:15 +0000

Brandy, I have not had the sort of experiences you are having. So I didn’t respond when you first posted, assuming some of these other ladies would be able to help better than I. But since they haven’t said anything, I’ll put in my 2 cents’ worth. It may not even be worth that much…

First, how does this girl’s father figure into the issues between you two? Does he take sides? How does he feel about her plans? As far as her ideas to have sex, could she just be jerking your chain to see if you’re going to draw the line? As long as she is in *your* (and your husband’s) house she must be made to understand that she must obey the house rules. You & your husband must come to an understanding as to what those rules are, and then he must back you in making her obey.

Second, I would guess that she could really use some counseling, to help resolve some of those (founded) anger issues. Is there any way you can get her counseling? Some churches will offer it for free, but at the same time you have to be aware that sometimes this type of counseling is worth what you pay for it.

I hope I’ve helped a little…

Blessings,
Linda

by: christy parker

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 14:49:35 +0000

Brandy Martinez,
Hi. I read your post. That sounds familiar. 4 yrs ago I left my husband after he had tried to kill me one night. He went from the nicest guy in the world to a monster in the blink of an eye. He later confided that he had thoughts of killing me for a period of time, and just couldn’t control the urges any longer. Anyways…I had gotten an immediate restraining order and looked into shelters for my son and I. We never looked back. I found out through a local family counseling service that there are government grants where they will see your child for 6 wks at a time (mine went for 2 grants…12 weeks) if they have been involved in a divorce that had some sort of abuse in it. I never knew that my son had been abused…there were no signs of it. My son and husband did everything together…worked on construction together, did projects, played board games together…video games, you name it. The reason I took my son to counseling is this: after the split, he clung to me for a while and seemed so unsure of himself. Then he had nightmares galore. He and I bonded stronger than ever. Then maybe once a month or so I began to see a disturbing display of anger out of my son. It scared me…it was like my husband…so I put him in counseling. Through counseling…we discovered that my ex had molested and abused my son while I was working in the evenings. For years before this happened, my son had been educated by me about telling on adults if they ever did anything wrong, etc…he even watched the street smart HBO series with me that the famous boy Adam’s father created in the 1980’s. I explained to him for years that if an adult asks you to keep a secret, that it is wrong. Well…my son explained that he understood all that, but the reason he didn’t tell me what was gonig on was that he knew i loved my husband and was happy…he said he didn’t want to take my husband away from me and make me sad. He said he knew that I would get a divorce immediately, and he didn’t want to split us all up. He said he thought he could just take it for the good of everyone else. We found that he blames me, even though he will deny it. He is angry that I didn’t see what was happening sooner. He has told me that he doesn’t believe I love him. Counseling helped so much, because now I know he had become suicidal. He was killing himself off in play acting in the counseling center. He thought that if he wasn’t around to make dad so angry, that mom and dad could be happy without him. Kids just see things in a strange way. It breaks my heart to know my son was going through that and I was oblivious. Now my son still has anger issues, lying issues, he tests me and everyone else. He declares his intentions about bad behavior and rule breaking defiantly to see how I am going to handle the situation. He just wants me to show him I love him. That includes tough love. I have learned over time and with help from the counselor that babying him wasn’t the answer. He didn’t need to be reassured as much as I was doing verbally…he needed me to prove it. I now tell him that I make rules for a variety of reasons…either because it is the law, I am trying to teach him how to be a good man, for safety reasons, and more. I tell him that I make these rules out of love and concern for him, and that it is up to him from there. The choices he makes determine the outcome of every situation. If he chooses to be defiant, disrespectful, disobedient, willful, anything like that, then I take away his choices. It’s hard. He is such a great kid. I have put up other posts other than this, and haven’t addressed this part too much. My son has special needs, and my husband’s excuse for the abuse was that he didn’t have the patience for my son’s special needs. Please be patient with her. Just stand your ground. Be the bad guy by saying no…she’ll know you care even though you tick her off. Are there any grants in your area to help you with getting counseling for her and you? You’d be amazed at how much they can help you both communicate better to each other about your fears and to understand each other and gain respect for each other. Your daughter is the age that I was when i tried suicide 4 times. Noone ever found out about it. My parents were so caught up in my mothers affairs for years and thought us kids didn’t realize that things weren’t quite right around the house. My mother would beat us and take out her anger on us. Otherwise, we were the perfect family to the outsiders. She was verbally abusive. If my mother hadn’t of been so strict when I was a teenager though…I would have taken every inch of freedom that she had given me and been selfdestructive. AS it turned out, I went wild as soon as I went to college and ended up almost getting myself killed more than once and becoming a single mother very young. As soon as I had my son, I matured and became the person that I always believed I was, but everyone else had told me I wasn’t. I have a great life now. My son is my world. I wouldn’t give up on her. I just think she needs to hear something from you, or for you to show her. It sounds as if she is trying to get you to see something that is wrong, but isn’t just coming out and telling you what it is. Maybe she doesn’t undestand herself what is wrong. I had no idea that my son wanted to kill himself…he was the happiest kid. My cousin just committed suicide this year also, and noone knew that something was eating at him. I can tell you that when I was trying to committ suicide as a 9th grader…noone in my family could have stopped me. They could have found out…told me I was loved…made me feel better, made things better for a while, but I never would have told them the things deep down that hurt the most…my fears and feelings. I would have made nice. SOme things you just can’t tell your parents and need a counselor for. I’d really see about a counselor…just to make sure nothing serious is going on…if it’s just normal teenage acting out stuff, at least you would get some communication skills for the two of you out of it and strengthen your relationship.

by: Brandy Martinez

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 14:08:17 +0000

still waiting on any advice whatsoever for column 383, I really need help! Brandy Martinez

by: Tara

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 03:36:13 +0000

Hi, I am almost 44 and have 2 beautiful children. My daughter, Sierra, will be 7 soon and my son, Simon, is 2. We homeschool and are loving it but I had a question about my approach. Last year we did 1st grade with my daughter. She is an avid reader, is good at math and finds many things very easy to master. The only structered class we really did was math (RightStart Mathematics) and everything else was primarily from our reading (geography and history were pulled from what ever books we were doing).

This year I would like to take a “slightly” more structured approach to schooling some of the subjects like History and Geography and spelling. My only concern is that my daughter tends to get bored very quickly and is often frustrated when she doesn’t grasp a concept immediately. We tried a few days of geography during the summer “just for fun” and she promptly announced that she hated it. I know this is because instead of being spoon fed the information for rote memorization or reading it in some haphazard way in a story, it was a fill in the blank info sheet on a set state (she got to choose which one iwe started with)that required looking things up in an atlas. It took her 2 days to finish only a couple of questions and a great deal of frustration on my part. This child has read Silas Marner at 6 years old! I know all about learning styles (ok not everything) and have worked primarily within her strengths but also want to instill in her the skills necessary to complete a task in a “reasonably” timely fashion. I’ve tried the timer, rewards, etc. and haven’t seemed to hit on anything that works. If you have any suggestions I would appreciate it. I have even involved her in helping me decide which order we will be studying each subject so she has a sense of ownership and a bit of a say-so. I have included her input on how much time we should spend on each task and what type of breaks there should be. But she doesn’t seem to get anything done during the allotted time. Yet she will read for hours on end - including the very same altas she hated and any encyclopedia she can get her hands on. I may be crazy thinking that there should be some structure to what she is learning rather than letting a 2nd grader make “all” the decisions.

Thanks for any insight. I should also note that punctuality and timeliness in completing things is something that I value. My husband, although he recognizes the importance of these traits, seems to have a problem with their execution. Could this be an ingrained thing or is this primarily a learned behavior?

by: patricia

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 01:03:47 +0000

hello everyone out there in mommy and daddy land or should I say kidworld….
I am 49 and had emily five and 3/4 yrs ago. Yes she most definitely has more energy than I will ever have and certainly a lot more stamina.
I have more determination, more wisdom and mor understanding than I have ever had as a younger person.
she tumbled, climbed and more curiosities to learn how things worked and achieved things faster than normal except for speech. It did not bother me. It bothered others!!!
She started to talk and dropped the first syllable. But I knew what she was saying. She was two. Then she started with all syllables. Then she started to connect words and ideas. She started to stutter. Other people were finishing her sentences due to their lack of patience or thinking they were helping. Not a good thing. She heard be defending her and arguing with her dad ( who stutters til this day) and her paternal grandmother one day. Then she walked around refusing to talk saying she doesn’t know how. she became shy…unsure of herself…a different girl. I told everyone that they cannot be around her if this will be their reaction to her. She needs reassurance encouragement. Emily and I went to a great child counselor. It only took three months… I got my little girl back.. Her speech is terrific.
So much is often invalidated one forgets about the positive accomplishments these littleones overcome. Mastery gives them a sense of goodness within themselves increasing confidence to keep on trying..

I stayed home to take care of emily and had not worked in my profession since although I do alot of free stuff on my own time. I would not have it any other way. Being single and doing this was hard. the bonding is trmedous and both pediatrician and by own dotor gave me accolades for it. If you want to work do it. If you have to.. work. But follow your gut… thats what I did. She is my only child and I did not want to have any one watch the majority of her growth but me… have a great night . patricia

by: Linda

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 00:48:53 +0000

Andrea, my DD worked in a day care for a couple years. When she got married, her husband said, “Will our kids ever go to day care?” She had one word for him: “NO!!!” Does that answer your question?

Blessings,
Linda

by: Andrea

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 20:12:46 +0000

Hello Ellen,

My name is Andrea and I am a SAHM to three children, two boys ages 3 and 4 and girl age 8. Recently I just finished my masters degree and recently I have been debating on going back to work. We (my husband and I) were raised that while children were young the mother should stay at home, but today there are more and more mothers returning to work shortly after having children. Does this affect our children or does a child have a better chance in their future with mom at home all of the time than those who went to day care? Also thank you for the great site!

by: Helen

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 18:47:19 +0000

Dear Ellen;
Actually my children are grown and I have six grandchildren, A friend sent the Animal story video to me and I checked out your site and was very impressed. I plan to send it on to my children.

Thank you for such a great site.
Helen

by: Marla

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 16:48:25 +0000

Comment to Jacqueline.

Unfortunately, at 18 mos. FRUSTRATION is a huge part of a toddler’ life. My twin girls are now 3, but I remember very clearly that how one spoke wonderfully early on and the other one used other things……like grunts, hand gestures, etc.
I would say to her, Mommy knows Faith is frustrated! It is hard to be understood isn’t it? Things like that, validating her frustration. Then I always made sure I spoke to her like she could talk back to me. I emphasized syllables and sounds. I also stopped responding to the gestures. (Unless extreme frustration sets in.) Also, re-direct some of that energy into books that speak. Even the ones that just make sounds often worked.

And of course, any concerns you have about speech delay, extreme violent behaviors….call your pediatrician. They have heard it all! And they might have a solution that will work for you!

by: Jacqueline

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 13:05:16 +0000

Hi! I am a new mother (at 40 yrs old) of an 18 month old boy. He is beautiful! I am concerned with his incredible neverending energy and his frustration from a lack of speech which leads him to hit, grab, and sometimes bite. Are these all normal behaviors?

by: patricia

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 02:48:14 +0000

hi there loretta, My daughter would also have more tantrums if she did not sleep well..was hungry…too tired or even woke up on the wrong side of the bed. He may also feel that going to nursery school may mean his mom does not want him. How is His drawings? Color use?. reaction to nap time or quiet time? Can he sit a short time while a book is read? Is there a punch bag or something you can divert him to hit? clay that he may squeeze through his fingers? He may be kinetic. Most abusers self medicate to hide a underlying mental disorder or the disorder comes during…it could be argued but IN MY OPINION if there is a underlying disorder that the mom has the child may have a promblem also. He is young and will be found soon enough. Give him lots of lov, hugs and assurance. patricia

by: Jane

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 02:18:06 +0000

Hi,
I am married and we have 4 children. A 16 year old boy, a 14 year old girl and a set of twins with special needs we adopted. The twins are a boy and a girl age 7.
I have worked in the child care field for 23 years now in many different roles. At the present , I am an Early Childhood Education Supervisor for a Head Start center.
I don’t really have a question at the moment but I could later.

by: christy parker

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 19:56:18 +0000

Wendy,
Thanks for the information on the Mentoring programs. When I was reading your examples…it hit me that my son loves to do all those things with me…we go bowling, to bingo, everything…arcades…but I know that he needs to be with other people and not just with mom all the time. Plus, how can he complain about normal childhood complaints (”my mom is so mean that she grounded me for a WHOLE day!”). I hate that he doesn’t have anyone to express himself with in those ways. He is so worried about pleasing me that he just doesn’t relax sometimes and have fun. We don’t have the Boys and Girls…but I wonder about big brothers…I’ll have to call the local Y and find out. Thanks for the idea!

by: christy parker

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 19:51:07 +0000

To Kate:

I would love the same information myself! I can’t tell you the number of times that I have been told that I am overprotective…even by my son, who says I cause him embarassment. It’s so hard though when everyone around you has that “It’ll never happen to me” attitude, but you have seen it happen to numerous people throughout your own life, even to yourself. Activities that I just consider unsafe and such actions that I consider “stupid things that people do” I hold my ground on and just say no to my son. However, it is the little things…like things I could do as a child because the world was different then. You know it doesn’t happen often, but it does happen. I know in my mind that in all likelihood those things wouldn’t happen to my son, but at the same time…the parents of those other kids thought the same thing. Even if a kid only gets injured doing something 1 times out of 100…there is a chance. Why would I want to gamble with my son’s safety and/or life? My boyfriend is much older than I am and thinks that I am overprotective and we disagree on much. He doesn’t see how my son will become trustworthy unless I give him the opportunities. He accuses me of not trusting my son. It’s not that I don’t trust him…it’s that I realize he is human, too young for certain judgement calls, impulsive…etc. I know that when I was his age, and given more freedom, I took all of it I could have just to have it…and did some extremely stupid things. And paid for it. I was very lucky a few times. So where do you draw that line? It’s also that even when I do trust my son…I don’t trust other people and know that he can’t control other people’s actions. I think sometimes that I just need valium. I knew some kids/teens that died over things my son and everyone else I know thinks is normal childhood activity…but when my son wants to do those things, I think about the one that died. How do you get past this? I don’t want my son to not be able to grow up normally.

by: KATE

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 18:52:26 +0000

My name is Kate and I am a sahm to my 3.5 year old daughter. My most pressing concern is balancing her need for independance with my need
for keeping her safe!
She is much more outgoing and willing to take risks than I am and I don’t want to “squash ” her fearlessness just temper it with common sense.

by: Loretta

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 21:25:05 +0000

Hi Again! Thanks for the helpful comments Patricia. There is no father or grandparents in the home or in his life. The boy has an Auntie and two cousins who do spend time with him. The problem is that they are getting tired of his mom’s problems and can’t deal with her anymore. So they haven’t been around as much as they used to. Many of the staff at the day care have seen her outside of the day care with her son and have noticed that she has problems dealing with him (ex. she was a meeting and he was running around and screaming. He then came over and asked for a treat and she said no and he began to hit her and pinch her. The person who observed this said she did nothing just ignored him.) We have tried to show her how to deal with his temper and she doesn’t seem to interested in continuing this at her home!! Thank you again!!