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April 5th, 2006

Parenting FAQ’s

I enjoy getting to know RaisingSmallSouls’ visitors and subscribers better, and I’d like to know what I can do to help your family!

Feel free to tell us about your child or children, and ask your most pressing parenting questions over here.

I will do my best to answer your question in a future newsletter! Please use the ’search’ box in the right sidebar to check if your question has already been addressed within RaisingSmallSouls.
What is the most important question you have about raising children?

Be specific, include your child’s age, and only post questions you are comfortable being publicly viewed!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 5th, 2006 at 11:42 am and is filed under Parenting Advice, Problem Solving, Parenting FAQ's. You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

450 Responses to “Parenting FAQ’s”

  1. JANE says:

    My name is Jane I am 29 years old, I work as a teaching assistnat.I am a mother to 2 boys aged 8 and 11.

    I look forward to chatting to you all.

    April 10th, 2006 at 1:36 pm
  2. LYNN says:

    My name is Lynn im 32 years old and im a single parent of a 5 year old boy with severe autism.

    April 13th, 2006 at 4:36 pm
  3. Anita says:

    my name is Anita and I work as a teaching assistant.
    I have two girls aged 9 and 7.

    My most pressing parenting issue at the moment is how much freedom I should give my 9 year old.

    she is always saying to me’You never let me do anything’ but Iam worried about how much independence she should have. I realise it is important to their development to let them go eventually, Iam just nervous about the day when

    April 16th, 2006 at 4:13 pm
  4. Anita says:

    I eventually have to let her be independent.
    does anyone have any advice on this matter?

    April 16th, 2006 at 4:14 pm
  5. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Welcome Jane! Life is a circus with little boys- I have 3 of them:)

    Lynn, glad to have you on board. I hope some of the info on RSS can help you and your son… **hugs**

    Anita, welcome! That’s an important topic, and I plan to address it in a future newsletter. Try to give her the opportunity to make decisions that are important to her, yet would not be detrimental if she made the wrong choice, i.e.- give her a choice of 2 or 3 acceptable summer activities to choose from.

    April 22nd, 2006 at 8:23 pm
  6. Lesley says:

    Hi I’m Lesley. I have 2 boys aged 7 and 4. I struggle every weekend with getting my 7 year old to do his homework. I try and make it fun and not last all day, but all I’m met with is negativity and stubbornness. Can you offer any advice?

    April 25th, 2006 at 3:20 pm
  7. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Hi Lesley,

    Great question…dealing with homework!

    Off the top of my head, I’ll share what has worked for my son, and I’ll do some research for more ideas that I’ll incorporate in an upcoming newsletter.

    I give my son a choice. (He’s also 7!) “Do you want to do homework now or in half an hour. When we are done you can choose a or b. (A or B are a choice of two snacks, or two stores he’s been wanting me to take him to….) He always chooses the “in a half-hour” option, and after 30 minutes, I call him to the table, and he knows this must get done before we can move on to any more fun in the day.

    Please let us know how that works for your son- and best of luck:)

    April 26th, 2006 at 9:42 am
  8. liz lang says:

    Hello,

    How can I teach my child to respect me. In the past I have done things to seriously hurt my child. How can I gain his respect back?

    May 3rd, 2006 at 2:45 pm
  9. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Wow, Liz, that is a tough question! Before I can begin to respond, I’ll need to better understand the background- how old is your son and what was done to him…

    Wishing you the very BEST!

    ~Ellen

    May 3rd, 2006 at 3:10 pm
  10. Donna says:

    Hi Ellen,
    Actually I’m a grandmother looking for innovative ways to make their weekends interesting while they are visiting. They are 4(boy) and 3(girl) and are cousins. They have both been through alot in their short lives. 4 yo dad is in jail for drugs, and 3yo parents are splitting up. They love each other but fight like cats and dogs when they are together :)

    May 4th, 2006 at 5:53 am
  11. Jennifer says:

    Hello everyone, I am a mother of 6 boys, ranging from 18 years to 7 months old. My current challenge is my 6 year old. He’s a beautiful, charming, polite child about 90% of the time. However, the other 10% is horrible; he screams, throws things, and generally loses all control of himself. Afterwards he is genuinely remorseful, and has told me in the past that he cannot help it. Currently I am using several methods for ADD which work pretty well; however, he is still having a very difficult time in school. I need to figure out some way to make him understand that he needs to try to control himself on his own, without me. Maybe it’s just a matter of time before he does it himself.

    Sorry so long; any advice would be appreciated :)

    May 4th, 2006 at 8:03 am
  12. Jennifer says:

    For Lesley, regarding homework; I use an egg timer with my 6 year old. “Lets see if you can do this page in 10 minutes” or “Work on this for 15 minutes, then you can have a break” or the ever popular, “I’ll set the timer, and we’ll see who finishes first!” (Then I balance my checkbook.)

    May 4th, 2006 at 8:35 am
  13. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Hi Donna,

    That’s a truckload of issues for such little ones!

    Some of the best activities for children of that age are spontaneous, like the box from the new dishwasher, or playing with cookie dough. I plan to post an article soon about innovative activities, I got very creative with my children on winter Sundays when my husband had to work.

    Jennifer- Wow, that sounds extremely challenging… I’m sure you’ve had him professionally evaluated already. When he has the tantrums, how about if you gently guide him to his room, hold him, and say, “Mom wants to help you calm down. Are you ready for me to help you?” This worked well for one of my tantrum-prone children. Often, he’d say, “No, I don’t want to calm down!” And I’d respond, “Ok, Sweetie, we have to stay here, away from the rest of the family, until you are ready for me to help you calm down.” I’d rub his back, sing him favorite songs, etc… although it was challenging for me to remain calm during his tantrum- it worked, and he has a lot less tantrums now!

    May 4th, 2006 at 9:06 pm
  14. QHAmom says:

    I have 3 kids (5, 3 and baby) and the older 2 play well together 95% of the time. The other 5% leaves me feeling like I’m doing something wrong. I’m trying to teach them to be respectful to each other, but so far it’s not getting through.

    May 5th, 2006 at 5:56 pm
  15. Doreen Browning says:

    Ellen,

    I would like to do a presentation on educating children as individuals. I would like to know if “Animal School” is available for download for that purpose?

    Thanks!

    May 7th, 2006 at 3:26 pm
  16. dori says:

    I was with my step-daughter’s two teenaged boys today. All they do is spend time in front of their computers - mostly on videogames. Their parents don’t know what to do, and are really concerned about it…
    Any thoughts - perhaps about some good sites that would be better than some of the violent games they seem to gravitate to? or anything else that might help?

    May 7th, 2006 at 5:08 pm
  17. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Jennifer- that egg timer idea is great- I haven’t used it for homework, however I will now! Generally I’ve found the timer to be somewhat miraculous regarding telling children when their ‘turn’ is over:)

    QHAmom- Hmmm… it sounds like a really normal family that you’ve got over there! Sibling rivalry has been around since the very first siblings… and Cain killed Abel! Are you sure you’re not being too “perfectionist-minded” in your quest for sibling peace? I’ve written about some tips that worked for me to minimize sibling rivalry; however anyone who tells you that it can be totally eliminated has definitely never been a parent!

    May 7th, 2006 at 9:18 pm
  18. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Doreen- thank you for your interest in the ‘Animal School Movie‘. I have asked my more technically-savvy friend how on earth that could be done, and I’m waiting for a reply- will keep you posted:)

    Dori- Are the teens generally unmotivated? Is their schoolwork, social, and sports life suffering from their preoccupation with video games? Or, would you say video games are simply their favorite activity, much to their parents’ dismay?

    May 7th, 2006 at 9:22 pm
  19. Melissa says:

    I have two beautiful children, Colton 5 and Carley 4. Colton attends a Montessori School which makes me extremely happy, and Carley will be starting this year. Our biggest family issue is my husbands job. My husband is a truck driver and is only home once every 3-4 weeks for 3-4days at a time. My kids miss him very much and he misses them, however this is the only way we can afford for me to stay home with the kids. We have tried him changing jobs but unfortunately this is the only way he can make enough money for us to live. Believe me we are not extravagant at all. Any suggestions?

    Melissa

    May 8th, 2006 at 8:13 am
  20. Christy says:

    I have 2 boys, Cory 7 1/2 and Jimmy almost 4. My problem is that I am having a very difficult time potty training Jimmy. I thought it would be easy since he wants to do whatever Cory is doing. He just refuses and most times doesn’t even mind sitting in a dirty diaper. Please help!!!!!!!

    Christy

    May 8th, 2006 at 10:40 am
  21. Maya says:

    Hi, i’m Maya, mother to a 1 yr old girl and 4 yr old boy. We have just gone through a big move and it’s taking it’s toll on the 4 yr old. My most pressing question right now is how to provide him with the support he needs through so much change. He is “acting out” with us; having tantrums, yelling, some hitting, and also picking on his little sister. It’s hard for me to keep clear how much is stress related and how much is “normal” 4 yr old behaviour.

    Thanks!

    May 9th, 2006 at 4:42 am
  22. Lisa Rolins says:

    Hi! My name is Lisa, I’ve been married for 13 years and have a 4 year old son named Zack. Like Jennifer posted about her son, Zack is a typical 4 year old boy 90% of the time. But when he gets mad, he throws things, slams doors, hits his friends. He’ll say he’s sorry after he calms down and will come hug and kiss me and apoligize for getting mad. How can I help him learn to control his temper???

    May 9th, 2006 at 10:03 am
  23. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Hi Melissa- It sounds like you have a wonderful family with a not-such-a-wonderful-job bundled along. Well, firstly, be greatful it’s not the other way aound!

    I’m reminded of the European fathers at the turn of the 20th Century who left their wives and children behind in Europe while they tavelled to the Promised Land of America to make a living. It often took them years until they had saved enough money to bring the rest of their family overseas. I wonder if any of us have grandparents that could give us tips from those days?

    Some ideas that come to mind are having your husband create tapes (burn DVD’s or record MP3’s if you’re really savvy!) of storybooks, where he can say “Beep!” and your child can turn the page… I’m sure you remember those books from your childhood. Additionally, he can read fables and fiction stories that would ordinarily be above your 4 and 5 year-olds’ comprehension, and say the story over in his own words to a tape for them to listen while he is away.

    Perhaps this year, when your 4-year-old starts school, you can look into bringing home some additional money, which can lead to your husband changing jobs to a local one!

    May 9th, 2006 at 11:25 am
  24. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Hi Christy- Yes, at close to 4, you would be at your wit’s end regarding potty-training.

    The bottom line when motivating children of any age is that you must motivate them based on what they would want, rather than what you want!

    I wrote an article recently about how I motivated my children, that you will find useful. Additionally, I recall hanging a brand-new, gorgeous, colorful tricycle over the door of the coat-closet in our entrance, in order to motivate my oldest child to use the potty. He knew- that he would get “a bike and a bike-hat” (that was a helmet, lol!) after he used the potty to go #2- it took nearly a week, and then it worked!

    Good Luck:)

    May 9th, 2006 at 11:35 am
  25. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Hi Maya- Moving is a tough time for everyone in the family. I’d recommend that you go the extra mile implementing extra quality time that is devoted just to her. Be gentle with her, without letting her manipulate you- a little TLC will go a long way to alleviate stress. Also, look out in the RaisingSmallSouls newsletter for an article about dealing with temper tantrums- I’ve already started writing it in my mind;)

    May 9th, 2006 at 11:40 am
  26. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Hi Lisa- Temper tantrums are just as hard on your child as they are on you. Like I just wrote, I have the basics of how to handle temper tantrums already written in my mind, I just need to get it into my computer! The main point is that YOU must feel confident, and not allow yourself to be manipulated by his behavior- I promise, You can do it! Then he will learn (over a couple of weeks) that there is little to be gained by throwing a tantrum.

    I’ll get to that article later this week, ok? I’ll add a category in the left sidebar called “Temper Tantrums” when I have it up, so keep checking back:)

    Stay calm! ((Hugs!))

    May 9th, 2006 at 11:45 am
  27. Lisa Rolins says:

    Any advice on getting your 4 year old to ride the bike he got for Christmas. He is so worried about falling off of it. We’ve told him the training wheels will help keep him from turning over and he gets frustrated so easy when he can’t peddal forward. He tries peddling backwards then gets frustrated with that. Any suggestions are very welcome.

    May 9th, 2006 at 11:55 am
  28. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Lisa, the first thing that came to mind is- has he ever been tested by an occupational therapist? It could be he has low muscle tone which makes him feel insecure about pedalling, and therefore scared.

    From your description, it sounds like a 2-wheeler with training wheels. Prior to this gift, did he ride a tricycle? That’s where my children learned to pedal! If not, get him a trike or bigwheel, he’ll be closer to the ground and thus more secure.

    May 9th, 2006 at 9:13 pm
  29. Lisa Rolins says:

    ZACK LOVED HIS TRICYCLE. HE’S TO BIG FOR IT NOW. HIS DOCTOR HAS TESTED HIS MUSCLE TONE AND STATED THAT HE IS ALL MUSCLE. HE IS VERY STRONG FOR HIS AGE AND TALL. HE’S JUST UNDER 4 FEET TALL. HIS COUSIN IS COMING OVER THIS WEEKEND TO RIDE HIS BIKE SO MAYBE ZACK WILL WANT TO BE LIKE HIS OLDER COUSIN THAT HE ADORES. WE’LL SEE

    May 10th, 2006 at 9:59 am
  30. Lisa says:

    Hi I am Lisa. I have 5 kiddos ages almost 14, 9, 5, 3, almost 1, and 1 on the way.

    I just want us to be better parents. I am looking forward to reading all the materials on this site.

    May 10th, 2006 at 8:49 pm
  31. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Lisa, mom of Zack- please keep us posted as to his progress!

    Lisa with 5, nearly 6, children, how on earth did you have time to post a comment, lol! Thanks for joining us here.

    I have just added a “subscribe to comments” feature, so that you can follow along with our conversation:)

    May 11th, 2006 at 12:33 pm
  32. Kim says:

    Hi, I am Kim. I have 2 children, ages 4 and 2.

    I guess my main issue right now is how to juggle working at home and being able to spend quality time with my girls at the same time. I don’t want to be on the computer 8-5 and not be able to interact with them like I need to. What is a good balance? There just isn’t enough time in the day!

    May 12th, 2006 at 12:27 pm
  33. Marie says:

    I’m 38; have two kids 4 and 1. Oldest was adopted. Hope to have more. We are unschoolers, attachment parenting, natural medicine, etc., a “crunchy” family.

    May 12th, 2006 at 1:53 pm
  34. Dee-Dee says:

    My daughter Marnie will be 2 years old in two weeks. Her brother died in Feb. 8 days after he was born. How do I help her when I get upset? She’s extremely sensitive (emotionally) and cries if she sees that I have a “boo boo”, never mind me crying about something as abstract as death. We have been honest and simple in explanations and have a book to read to her to help her understand that he died and isn’t coming home.
    Thanks,
    Dee-Dee

    May 12th, 2006 at 10:17 pm
  35. Ade says:

    Hi,

    I’m Ade. I’m a consultant and single father to an 11 year old boy. I think he’s amazing kid but like all kids needs guidance to get to his full potential. I tend to think he’s perfect because he hardly slips up, and when he does slip up I lose my cool and get disappointed. I’d just like access to tips that help me become a better dad and be more patient with him when he does slip. It’s hard being single and a full-time work-at-home dad but I’m willing to do even more. Ade, Best regards to everyone!

    May 13th, 2006 at 4:59 am
  36. Wanda says:

    Hi! I have 4 children, boys 16 & 13, girls 10 & 8.
    My 10 year old enjoys playing “the guilt game” when she’s not getting her way, claiming that I don’t love her - what’s the most loving way I can break her of this habit? Her younger sister is quickly picking up on this game as well. I never react or give into the game and give them their way, but they keep using that “sandpaper method” to push the envelope…help!

    May 13th, 2006 at 7:57 am
  37. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Hi Kim- Your website is pretty:-)

    Well, there are no easy answers to simple questions! Do your chidren go to daycare or preschool at all? What time do you put them to bed in the evenings?

    Personally, I work in the mornings while the kids are out of the house, and I sent them to daycare/preschool 4 days/week for the mornings since they started crawling. It gave me a much-needed breather to put on makeup and eat breakfast with the newspaper like a real adult, and also enabled me to get work done in 1-2 hours that would have taken 3-5 frustrated hours while caring for the child simultaneously. Of course, I love to think that the baby benefitted as well from interaction with others his size:) Additionally, bedtime here is 7:30pm. By 8:30pm all the children are fast asleep, and I clean up the house and put in another 2 hours of quiet work. In the afternoons, I don’t do much more than check my email if I’m expecting a specific reply. Afternoons are totally Kiddie-Time here!

    It’s really important to stick with a schedule that works for you and your family. Perhaps you can come up with 3 variations of routines, and test each one out for a week over the next 3 weeks. After you’ve figured out what works best, it will become second-nature when you implement it regularly, and your doubting will disappear!

    May 14th, 2006 at 8:16 pm
  38. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Hi Marie, Glad to have you on board! I use organic cleaning products, they are safer around the children, and I’m doing my part to keep my household’s indoor air quality at a better level:-)

    May 14th, 2006 at 8:18 pm
  39. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Dee-Dee, welcome to RaisingSmallSouls:-) I’m so sorry about your loss. ((((hugs to you and Marnie)))) It’s important that you have an outlet for your grief that does not include your daughter- perhaps time with a therapist or in a support group. That will give you additional strength to be an emotionally stronger mom. You are probably reluctant to leave her in anyone else’s care now, yet, please understand that nururing yourself will directly nurture your daughter as well, as a person can only give as much as they have! Keep up the good work with your simple honesty, you can do it! Please post back and let us know how you are… we’ll keep your family in our prayers:)

    May 14th, 2006 at 8:22 pm
  40. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Welcome, Ade, glad to have some more Dads on board, especially such caring fathers like you:) If I’m reading your comment right, it seems that your issue is a personal one, and that your child is pretty near ‘perfect’ and an above-average eleven-year-old. If you read this article about discovering the root of the problem perhaps a light bulb will go off in your mind. What is is about your son’s normal lacks or mistakes that sets you off so irrationally? Why do you think you have a challenging time accepting occassional wrongdoings with patience? Could it be traced back to the way you were raised, or to a future image you have developed in your mind for your son?

    Good luck, and keep being a great dad! (and don’t worry that much- everyone loses their cool once in a while.)

    May 14th, 2006 at 8:28 pm
  41. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Hi Wanda, Ouch! That’s a game that really hurts a parent’s heart. You are doing terrific by not giving in- in fact you deserve a medal for that!

    At 10, she is old enough to understand some but certainly not all of your parenting decisions and styles. When appropriate you can explain, “Sweetheart, I don’t want to buy you a XYZ because I love you so much!” Then you can explain the logical reason that you have. However, you need not feel compelled to always explain yourself, although a good percentage of the time would begin to shift her perspective.

    You’re a great mom:-)

    May 14th, 2006 at 8:34 pm
  42. Lisa Rolins says:

    This is in response to DEE DEE’s post about helping her daughter cope with seeing mommy cry. I too have lost a child, Dillon to cancer 4 years ago at age 3 1/2. My son Zack used to get very upset if he saw me crying. I tell him that mommy misses Dillon and that I’m crying because I’m sad. After awhile he’s gotten used to Mommy falling apart and he’ll come hug me and tell me he misses Dillon too, sometime he’ll cry other times he just goes on playing.. Your little girl will understand more as she gets older, it just takes time.

    May 15th, 2006 at 3:21 pm
  43. Lisa Rolins says:

    Great News!!! Having my nephew over for the weekend was great for teaching Zack how to ride his bike. He finally did get on the bike and started riding it. He fell off and started having one of his “fits” my nephew went up to him and told him to get up, he wasn’t bleeding and to get back on his bike. He told Zack that sometimes you fall sometimes you don’t. I thought wow this is coming from an 8 year old. Zack was riding all over the place by Sunday afternoon.

    May 15th, 2006 at 3:25 pm
  44. Carol King says:

    Hi Ellen! I have two beautiful kids. Johanna is 4 and Erik is 2. The biggest pressing concern right now with them besides the sibling rivalry which I know is normal is dealing with Erik and is sleep related. He still doesn’t sleep all the way through the night at 2 yo and also when he wakes/goes to sleep I have to lay down with him so basically I end up sleeping with him the majority of the time. Which boils down to mom being constantly sleep deprived most days as I am sure you can imagine. I could use any helpful advice you could give that does not involve letting him cry it out cause my nerves can just not handle that. Thanks!

    May 15th, 2006 at 6:39 pm
  45. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Lisa, thanks for sharing your personal journey dealing with the loss of a child. I really don’t know what to say to you, except lots of (((hugs)))!

    Congratulations on Zack’s new skill! You must be thrilled:) Isn’t it amazing what other children can teach our kids, that we are unable to get across to them on our own?!

    May 15th, 2006 at 7:07 pm
  46. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Carol, that is tough, you must be exhausted! I wish I had some magic pill that would make Erik sleep a dozen hours through the night… a child-friendly pill:)

    I understand not wanting to ‘cry it out’, and personally could not stand that method either! Can you let him fall asleep in your bed, and then move him to a blanket on the floor nearby? After a few weeks, move him closer to the door, then into the hall with the door opened, and finally into his room. At two years old, you can use rewards that are instantaneous, some kind of special prize that he will get as soon as he wakes up, for having slept in the designated spot without waking you up.

    Good Luck! (and go to bed early!)

    May 15th, 2006 at 7:17 pm
  47. Mary says:

    Hi I am Mary, an attachment parenting, homeschooling mama to 2 boys 7 and almost 3. My 7 year old has always been very easy to deal with, always listens, he is compassionate and loving to everyone. On the other hand my 3 year old really challenges us. He hits, bites, pinches whatever he can. He does not really respond to threats or timeouts. I want to do a reward system but he is a bit too young to get that. Any ideas on how to discipline him with success?? Thanks in advance!

    May 20th, 2006 at 5:26 pm
  48. Marisol says:

    Hello all,

    I am Marisol, 30 yrs old. Homeschooling Mom to 3, one with AUTISM and a wife to a wonderful man for 10+ years.

    I’m looking forward to learning from everyone here, and hopefully I will have something interesting to add as well.

    Any ideas on how to teach that letters have sounds to them? MY son can say his alphabet but everytime I try to show him that each letter has a sound his face goes blank as if he has no idea what I’m talking about? He also has a very low vocab so, it’s not easy to ask and get answers from him? Any ideas? Oh, almost forgot he is 7yrs old.

    Thank you kindly and God bless,
    Marisol.

    May 22nd, 2006 at 9:47 am
  49. Marisol says:

    Sorry all,

    Forgive me for posting twice, this all should have gone under the first post …. can you tell it’s MONDAY for me, LOL.
    Anyway, I am wondering on both questions posted for my son (last post) and my daughter. (this post)

    I was wondering with time restraints on my day as it is, what can I do with my oldest (9yrs old)to motivate her to stay on schedule. Yes, we have a schedule, without our schedule our day would be chaos!!

    Between the farm, and homeschooling, hometherapies (for my son) and baking because of several food allergies in the household (no gluten,casein, soy, or corn), not to mention the dailies of house cleaning, baths, meals and so forth … WE ALL NEED THE SCHEDULE!!!

    I have found that lately my oldest daughter is “slacking” so to speak on her share of the work and chores? I want her to be motivated, BUT at the same time … I can’t break the schedule due to time and my son can not handle being “off” schedule due to his special needs!

    The schedule is full and yes, everyone has free time and “mom time” too … that is why I can’t not ‘ADD” anymore to the schedule, so I need to find a way to motivate her WITHIN the scheduled time frame!

    Any ideas … I feel as though there is not enough of me to go around and I want my children to be around me just as much as they do but ……

    Sincerely,
    Marisol AKA …. NO-TIME-MAMA!!

    May 22nd, 2006 at 9:56 am
  50. Liz says:

    Hello, I’m Liz and the stepmom of a 12 year old boy with Asperger Syndrome. He’s been with his Dad and me since he was 9 and has really turned outward and is all around one of the coolest people I know. My biggest question would have to be how to deal with the school system. He is passing by a thread, and he does not qualify for certain accomodations, like technology. He doesn’t NEED to type instead of write, but you wouldn’t believe the difference it makes in his work! If he could use a computer to do his work, he’d probably be an A student. Are there loopholes or other ways around this?

    May 22nd, 2006 at 3:19 pm
  51. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Hi Marisol:)

    Mondays can do that to us, no? LOL!

    As far as the speech issue, I am totally unqualified to give you direction- I’m just a mom! You need to make an appointment with a speech pathologist; it could be that he would qualify for government aid so that it would not be an expensive proposition for you.

    Are you on the diet from www.breakingtheviciouscycle.info ? I was on that for quite a while due to ulcerative colitis, it’s the closest thing to a miracle for many.

    Where is it that your 9-year-old daughter falls off the schedule? Can you spot any specific patterns? Kuddos for being so organized! Just as adults need motivation to do things that are not especially enjoyable, children require motivation all the more so. Just as I with a chart and the prospect of a much-desired toy, find her ‘hot button’ and motivate her in a way that will make it reasonably challenging for her to receive her desired reward within 2-4 weeks.

    May 22nd, 2006 at 8:42 pm
  52. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Hi Liz, welcome!

    You sound like a really ‘cool’ stepmom yourself:)

    Every Board of Education has its own set of rules and regulations, not to mention every county and state… You would be best to speak with influential people in the education industry locally.

    Good Luck!

    May 22nd, 2006 at 8:44 pm
  53. Marisol says:

    Hi Ellen,

    Thank you so much for your comments and help!

    My son has been in speech therapy for over 4 years 2-3 X a week. They still have not been able to help with the reading. He was not on the SCD diet, but has allergies to gluten, soy, casein, and all corn produts. Believe me you never really know how these four allergies affect your shopping till you notice they are in practically everything, hence the cooking from scratch and grinding my own GF grains. The schedule is my only shred of Sanity after the Lord.
    I was hoping to find out some info on a homebased program for teaching him to read or any ideas?

    As far as my daughter is concern, her weakness is in her schoolwork especially her L.A’s as soon as that falls behind on that her whole day is shot and of course everyone’s schedule fall behind to as everyone’s schedule intertwines at some point during the day.

    Any ideas on either … I’m all ears, LOL.

    Thank you again,
    Marisol.

    May 22nd, 2006 at 9:51 pm
  54. Dawn says:

    Hello,
    My name is Dawn and I have 3 kids Dane, Rylee and Noah my youngest who is 3 & dx with PDD, SPD and ADHD. His dx has been very trying for us all. I am a Preschool teacher, with my degree in Early Childhood Education. I was working on my Masters but have since taken a break to be with Noah.
    I look forward to chatting with everyone here. I loved Animal School, it made me cry!

    May 23rd, 2006 at 5:51 am
  55. Maryann says:

    Hi,

    I am Maryann, mother of 3 kids Luciana 16, Gianni 15,and Emilio 12. Gianni has profound autism and does not speak a word. Emilio has ADHD and never stops talking. I also care for my Mom (90 yrs.). So with my husband in the restaurant business I’m a busy lady. Luciana has her future well in hand. So now I’m planning Gianni’s future by starting my own non-profit and setting up programs for kids like him. Wish me luck, I have no idea what I’m doing. I found Animal School very inspiring. I love things like that, which hit your heart.

    May 23rd, 2006 at 8:19 am
  56. Leslie says:

    Hello. I am new to this site and don’t know if this is where I post my parenting question, but here it is: I am the parent of an only child, a girl, age 10. She was labeled “gifted” at the beginning of second gade, which I regret, as I suspect it was the start of our problems with her. I believe that because of this designation, she has developed an attitude toward me and her dad where we can no longer tell her anything! She knows it all! We try to compromise on most things, but ultimately every single decision that we have to make, from what she wears (we thought sending her to private school with a uniform would end this!) to what’s for dinner (she even has something to say about this!) to our vacation plans (never mind what we can or cannot afford!) involves tears, yelling, threats, and general upset. She cannot be reasoned with; even though I know she understands, she just hates to give in. Is this normal for an only? and/or could her label be responsible for her know-it-all attitude? She only exhibits this attitude with us. She is perfectly agreeable with her teachers and other adults.

    May 23rd, 2006 at 8:30 am
  57. Tiara Murrell says:

    I have a daughter who is eleven years old. She has been diagnosed with ADHD in the 2nd grade and also stutters. While she has had her share of teasing from other kids, she has grown to make friends to appreciate her for who she is. My frustration is with her learning and the ADHD. The school she attends did not properly code her, therefore having her in classes that were not appropriate or the right level. The result of this was a failing grade in math. After many meetings, converstations and documentation from her doctor with the school, they finally did get her coded in the right classes, but unfortunately she will have to go to summer school in order to pass to the seventh grade. While this will help her academically, her self esteem suffers because she feels so frustrated at not being able to catch on to things as quickly as other children do, and as a result she tends to try to fit in with other kids via per pressure. How do you help your child in this area to understand that it’s ok to be different, and that she does not have to do what other do to fit in. I want her to develop into her own person and build her own character without being a follower, please help.

    May 23rd, 2006 at 9:41 am
  58. Britiney says:

    Hi everyone! My name is Britiney and I’m a SAHM to 3 beautiful little boys ages 6, 4, & 1. My biggest issue right now is that I’m dreading having my 2 oldest boys home with me all summer because they argue & fight all the time. I did read the info on sibling rivalry and think there are lots of points that can help me. My concern is that I can completely ignore the fighting until they start hurting each other - wich, inevitably, they always do. Any helpful suggestions you have are appreciated.

    May 23rd, 2006 at 12:00 pm
  59. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Hi all, keep the questions coming:)

    I’ve thought about answers for most of the comments here already, will get a chance to actually post them after the kids go to bed tonight- it’s been busy here! ttyl:)

    May 24th, 2006 at 1:44 pm
  60. Ellen C. Braun says:

    Hi again Marisol- like I said, you need to find some kind of ‘hot botton’ for your daughter that can be used as motivation to keep her on track!

    Dawn, Welcome, and sorry to make you cry:( (I do too, sometimes, the kangaroo makes me get a lump in my throat.) Congratulations on choosing to be a stay-at-home-Mom, you truly have your hands full!

    Maryann, Wow, that is truly impressive. Good luck with setting up the foundation; your passion will guide you!

    Leslie Welcome aboard. You are describing an increasingly common phenomina, where an intelligent child manages to manipulate and control the family dynamics. I don’t know if your daughter has succeeded in getting her way the majority of the time, or simply keeps trying to be in control at all costs. It is essential for your family’s emotional well-being that you put a stop to her manipulation asap. Since the behavior sounds like it has been going on for a while, the fastest way to effect a change would be to involve a neutral third party, and all of you go to several sessions with a family therapist. It need not take a long time, you are looking for short-term goal-oriented therapy for you to deal with this challenge, and for your daughter to have more self confidence. She needs to feel in control of her life without controlling those around her. You can email me privately for more info.

    Good Luck:)

    Tiara, Welcome! I’m glad you finally got your daughter coded correctly, and I can sympathize with the long process- I hate red tape! In order to improve her self esteem, you want to convey that you value her as she is, and that she is the source of your joy; not a source of frustration. Take advantage of the slower pace of the summer to offer her an opportunity to start a new hobby or take lessons in a sport of interest to her. When she succeeds somewhere, be it in a crafts class or playing soccer, her sense of self will improve.

    Check back with us often, and let us know how things are going!

    Hi Britney, your children are just a bit younger than mine! (7, nearly 6 and nearly 4)

    I can totally relate to looking ahead with dread at unstructured vacation days. What worked for me was to set up structure in advance. A time management expert once said, “Never start a day without finishing it on paper first”- or something like that;) That has always been the key for me during summers, holidays, and long weekends- structure. Plan tonight what you will do every hour of tomorrow. When the kids are entertained they are far less likely to fight, and that habit will (hopefully!!) spread into their unstructured time. Each day do a fun activity, and get out of the house.

    Additionally, I would suggest that you print out the sibling rivalry articles (more are coming soon!), and specifically underline and hilight the ideas you want to implement, and re-write your plans in your own words.

    Keep us posted:)

    May 24th, 2006 at 11:02 pm
  61. LaDonna Jones says:

    Hi, My name is LaDonna. My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have one son, age 11. I guess the biggest issue for us right now is our sons behavior. He is SSSOOO rebellious with everything! We have decided to homeschool him next year due to the problems he has had in public school the past two years. This year (5th grade) he took the Cogat test and made a 97%. They said that he is very gifted, but after he finished his assignments in class he would become disruptive to the class. They told him he could sit quietly and read. Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but MY 11yo is hard to keep quiet especially when he is bored. He has now brought the same types of behavior home. We have tried grounding him to his room (with NOTHING but reading to do). We have taken ALL of the fun things away, we have tried talking with him, nothing seems to be working. This upsets the whole family unit. My husband and I get to the end of our rope and the yelling begins. We are now trying the approach of US keeping our cool in order to see if that is what he is trying to do–see how upset he can get us……Any suggestions? ……Thank you for letting me join this group.=0)

    May 26th, 2006 at 11:23 am
  62. Anna says:

    Hi everyone,

    I am the mom of a soon-to-be teenage son who is moderate/severe autistic. I know the teenage years will present a whole host of new challenges, and am looking for some insights. He has started going through puberty, and is growing every day (is now bigger than I am). I have been advised to expect a period of regression as he goes through puberty — did any of you experience that? More emotional outbursts? I need to get prepared…

    Also, I would be happy to share programs/therapies and things I have learned (the hard way usually) with raising an autistic child. He was normal for the first 18 months and then rapidly deteriorated following his chicken pox vaccine and was completely nonverbal by age 2. It took me two years to toilet train him, 3 years to teach him to speak again, and we continue to work each day to advance his development so that one day he can be independent. I’m happy to say that the right programs, right attitude, and perseverance really does pay off — he is very responsible (yes, he even makes his bed before he goes to school), helps out with chores, and has a great social life. There is hope!!

    May 26th, 2006 at 1:27 pm
  63. Anna says:

    Liz,

    What is in his IEP? Remember, you are operating under IDEA and not the ADA, so it’s less about making a case of reasonable accommodations and more towards establishing goals in his IEP, and then demonstrating how tools/resources (like keyboarding rather handwriting) can help him achieve his IEP goals. If it’s in the IEP, they have to follow it.

    May 26th, 2006 at 3:19 pm
  64. Becky Bruening says:

    I teach four year olds. My sister sent my the
    Animal Stories which I enjoyed so much. I am
    sending it to the other teachers at our preschool. Thank you. Becky

    May 26th, 2006 at 11:33 pm
  65. Tara says:

    Hello,

    I’m a SAHM of 2 boys. Our oldest is 6yo w/developmental delays including speech disorder and social issues including severe meltdowns, and his little brother, 4yo on 6/3, is typical and very chatty! One of my biggest concerns is explaining to our youngest why his older brother acts out, can be very mean to him at times, and is disciplined differently. For example, big brother isn’t potty trained and mispronounces most words, while little brother is potty trained and speaks very well. So I have difficulty explaining how he should treat his big brother like a big brother, not correct him, when developmentally he is farther behind him. One of our many ‘issues’!

    Thank you,

    Tara

    May 27th, 2006 at 2:09 pm
  66. Anna says:

    Tara,

    My son was much like your 6 year old. As an autistic child, he was prone to severe meltdowns and ear-piercing screams. Most of these were due to frustration because he couldn’t speak (could not even answer yes or no) and we were having communication challenges. Other reasons were because he was overstimulated (too much happening at once - sound, action, etc.). One thing that helped me minimize the meltdowns was changing the environment, and especially, trying to put him in a calm environment (low lights, soft sounds), or what worked best - putting him in water. In summer, I had one of those small wading pools and I would put him in the water - the sensory difference seemed to help him regain himself, and the meltdown would stop almost immediately, and he could begin to relax, and then to play. By the way, my son is 12 now, and hasn’t had a true meltdown in years.

    Many of the families of special needs children with whom I interact have siblings who play the role of “parent helper.” Your 4 yr old sounds like he would be a perfect helper. He can understand that big brother is different and needs his help and encouragement sometimes. By letting your 4 yr old correct him (properly) then you are providing another role model. I’ve seen kids follow the guidance of their siblings before/over the guidance of their parents, so you might look at having another “teacher” as a great opportunity!

    May 27th, 2006 at 4:41 pm
  67. Rebecca says:

    Hi,Ellen!

    I am 46, with 2 daughters, 21 and 11. Both are “gifted” by school definition. 11 y/o recently also found to have some learning difficulties related to writing and possible Asperger’s Syndrome. My biggest concern is how to help her manage these and make the most of what she wants to be. Feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment!

    Thanks, Rebecca

    May 27th, 2006 at 7:16 pm
  68. Tara says:

    Anna,

    Thank you for all your input! My concern w/Logan (little brother) correcting Seth is Seth’s self esteem. The only reason this is a concern to me is because Logan is the younger child, wouldn’t it seem that would hurt Seth and their relationship? Logan is a good model for Seth, but I have drawn the line at correcting him (when Seth can’t say something correctly Logan would get aggriviated and say ‘NO, it’s ___’) or tattling when no one is in danger. I don’t know what is right, at times it seems both of them will be hurt no matter what we do. Again, thank you. Tara

    May 27th, 2006 at 9:06 pm
  69. glenda says:

    Hi,
    I have a 17 year old that I had to let go live with his father. I have been the parent that raised him and tried hard to help him in school. I have said so many times to the school that he was not a round peg that would fit in a square hole. But no one listened and my son didn’t make it easy. I don’t think he feels that he can do it and I know he can he just never gave himself a chance. He thinks all I care about is school but I was just trying to help him be successful so that his self esteem could build up. He is great in soccer but he even lost interest in that . He is now wanting to go live with a good friend that his parents have welcomed my son with open arems. I am so hurt that I could not do it all for my son. He is also adopted and I tried so hard for him to never feel that. He is mthe only child. Well any way any help on guilt and teens is appreciated. My heart is really broken. Thanks for your time.

    May 28th, 2006 at 8:43 am
  70. Theresa says:

    Hello, I am an at home mom who homeschools three children they are 7 (boy), 5 (girl) and 2 (boy). Recently I have been praying about how to address issues of sexuality with my 7year old. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened I just know this is something parents have to be proactive about. Do I approach the subject or wait for him to ask. I don’t want to give to much info and open up a can of worms but I don’t want to be ignorant and do or say nothing. Just wondering what others do with this subject matter. Thanks for your insight.

    May 28th, 2006 at 10:16 am
  71. Tina Wiedenhoft says:

    I just watched your video animal school and it brought tears to my eyes. I am the mother of a 14yr. old autistic boy. He is indeed the bee in animal school. Right now I am just having the most difficult time in my life with my son. He is very aggressive and his schooling is very limited due to this factor right now. I recently joined a message board for parents with autistic children and it has been very helpful and this is how I got the link to your animal school. Thank-you!!

    May 28th, 2006 at 8:45 pm
  72. Anna says:

    Hi Ellen,

    Can I ask two questions? :-)

    1. Recently my 3.5 year old daughter has been refusing to go to bed. We’ve kind of come to a truce whereby she can play a little while in her room before she goes to sleep and this seems to have worked… for now… But each night I wonder - are we going to have another battle? Any suggestions?

    2. My youngest daughter (2 in July) seems very irritable on the weekends when we’re all at home together. She seems to get upset at the slightest things. I wonder if this is due to not getting enough attention, since our attention (i.e. my husband’s and my attention) is also focused on our older daughter… or whether she is just really tired from the week. (She does seem more prone to having a morning sleep on the weekends than during weekdays).

    May 29th, 2006 at 2:00 am
  73. debbie says:

    Hi, I was recently sent the Animal School link and signed up. So here I am. I have been scrolling the Q&A’s. I am a home school mom. My own children are 9 girl,5 boy, 2 girl. I was step parent to 2 girls in our home for 6 years. We also fostered a teenage boy. Seen almost all, joys, tears etc. We have dealt with the school system, the state custody system and have found God’s system works best. Curious to learn more about your site.

    May 29th, 2006 at 9:53 am
  74. Kim says:

    Hi, I am the mother of three beautiful girls, 8, 6 & almost 2! I’ve finally gotten the chance in the past 2 years to enjoy my kids and be a stay at home mom. Due to my older 2’s father being a deadbeat I missed most of there lives to childcare while working! My husband now is great and I’m currently looking for part time dental assistant work( although I enjoy being at home, gas prices are forcing me to look for part time work). My oldest daughter seems to be having issues that therpy is not helping. Her dad has not been heard from since christmas (I don’t know where he is) and his mom makes things worse by picking the girls up once every couple of months. My oldest daughter has alot of aggression towards her sister and myself and I feel it is because of her dad and his family, I don’t know how to fix things though. She tends to be hateful and spiteful, she’s a pefect angel at school though. Her grades are straight a’s and a b. She’s 2nd grade reading at a 5th grade level! I just don’t know how to make her feel better! If anyone has any ideas! Thanks, Kim

    May 29th, 2006 at 10:42 am
  75. ema says:

    hi ellen

    i’m ema, mum to 3 lovely daughters, aged 12yrs, 9yrs and 5 months. the older 2 girls have a slightly destructive father in that he abandoned them for 3 years and now contact is unhelpful. luckily for them ’smalls’ dad (Nige) is fantastic and truly loves them as though they were his own. together we hope to undo all the damage that has been done

    my eldest has ADHD and is dyspraxic, she is a wonderful girl, although she does have serious self-esteem issues which i am constantly trying to help with, academically she’s flying just under the radar, no one spotted her issues, but we’ve addressed that and are fully ‘on the case’.

    daughter number 2 is another wonderful girl, currently she is having issues at school (definitely a square peg in a school filled almost consistently with round ones) and she isn’t one to make herself fit in… she is bright, academically no one can complain, the teachers can’t say a bad word about her either, but she finds it hard to make friends and hates competition, she doesn’t see it as fair, especially when it’s always the same ones picking who wins….

    the baby is currently just that, she sleeps intermittently, she feeds as much as she possibly can and smiles, laughs and entertains as only babies can…. we have yet to see who she will fully become and she is so much luckier than her sisters as no one has tried to stifle her potential.

    it is my aim to ensure that all the stifling has been done and is in the past, from now on all that is allowed is the opportunity to grow and to be whatever they want to be

    thanks for reading, i may come back with specific questions later, for now i just wanted to introduce us.

    May 29th, 2006 at 7:03 pm
  76. Bethany says:

    I have a 4 year old daughter, nearly 5, who for just over a year now has totally changed in her behavior. She was an exceptionally “good” child and even would mind the majority of the time even at age 2 and 3. Then just before she turned 4, she hardly minds at all. She acts out a lot at home. I wonder if it is because of how disrespectful our teen son is and how he does not want to mind us most of the time. no matter how we discipline our son (we are in counseling with him at the moment because of his anger) he still yells at us a lot and is very disrespectful, even yells at his little sister nearly every day even over little things. we can’t seem to get him to stop no matter what. I want desperately for him not to have a negative impact on her but what can I do?

    May 29th, 2006 at 9:09 pm
  77. Anna says:

    Hi Tara,

    Now I understand. I think you are right in that you have to monitor how Logan is offering the correction so that he is always using good manners and that Seth takes it with the good intentions meant. Otherwise, I see your point about the potential damage to Seth’s self-esteem.

    If you are correcting Logan’s approach, though, you can make it a reinforcing opportunity. So that Logan them mimics how you make the correction, and then all three of you can say the word together correctly.

    My son has a profound speech disorder, and there are some sounds that I just don’t think he will ever get. However, for the sounds that I know he has, I always correct him so we don’t lose the ground that we fought so hard for. He has three older stepsisters/brother who also help reinforce his speech. Because they do so in a loving and fun way, he has never had his feelings hurt. Of course, it’s easy when they are so much older than he (more like aunts/uncle than siblings), but it’s the way that they do the correcting that makes the impact. I think you can teach Logan to do that too - he sounds like a very bright and precocious child.

    By the way, another technique I use a lot to help with my son’s speech is to put everything to song - somehow it’s easier for him to sing things than to say them. But that’s how we got through the toughest years (ages 3-6).

    May 30th, 2006 at 12:17 pm
  78. Anna says:

    Hi Tina,

    What is the address to the message board for parents of autistic children? That would be something I would like to look into…

    My son is also autistic and will be turning 13 next month. I am concerned that as he continues to go through puberty that he will become more aggressive. I’ve seen a little of that, but not so much that I have been concerned.

    About two years ago we started taking taekwondo together (it’s a program for kids with special needs and I joined in). I give that program a lot of credit for reinforcing discipline into my son. He is able to focus better, and understands the importance of “respect.” I’m hoping to rely a lot on this as we go through the next couple of years.

    How does your son act out his aggression (verbal/physical)? What are his triggers? My son’s triggers are any variations to his routine - that causes extreme anxiety and what I’ve noticed is that when he was small, his anxiety would cause tears/screams, and now that he is older, they cause anger/frustration. It’s something I feel constantly vigilant about…

    May 30th, 2006 at 12:30 pm
  79. Jaspur says:

    Someone linked me to your video about Animal School and I so enjoyed reading it. I immediately registered wanting to know more!
    This first thing I looked at on the site was ‘How well do you know your child?’ Sadly I can’t answer any of those questions because my son is autistic. His little world is so isolating, finding out things in his head are off limits but I’m determined to find a way in!
    Thank you for providing a wonderful haven at Raising Small Souls.

    May 30th, 2006 at 10:04 pm
  80. Clare says:

    Hi there

    I’m Clare and I have three beautiful boys, aged 4, 2 and 3 months.

    My biggest problem is that my 4 year old thinks all the toys belong to him, and finds it hard to share. He’ll often take toys away from the 2 year old, or “swap” them if he wants the toy Iain has. So far, Iain is pretty compliant, and will play quite happily with the swap. He is starting to realise what his brother is doing though, and I’m sure that soon “swaps” will become less attractive to him.

    I find it hard to keep up with who had it first, but I also want to be fair with both of them. How do I make some rules that are fair to both, but won’t take all my time to police?

    May 31st, 2006 at 5:07 am
  81. Clare says:

    By the way, I should point out that I’m in England, and no, I wasn’t on my computer at 5am :) - more like 11am here!

    May 31st, 2006 at 5:19 am
  82. Mel says:

    Hi, I live in the UK and have two children. My son is 6 1/2 and my daughter is 2 1/2. I loved the animal school video and it really moved me.

    My son has had a problem with his teacher at school this year. In the former year and at playgroup everyone always told me how wonderful and clever and articulate he was. I always found him a challenge as he is ‘into everything’. I could never turn my back for a second when he was younger as he would do something and mayhem would ensue!! I felt that we used to lurch from one problem to the next. But even I could see he was way ahead of most other kids his age so I got him into playgroup and full-time school and he just flew. He is much better at home now he has plenty to do. His teacher this year has found his behaviour disruptive and arrogant and ‘he should know better’. She has been unable to come up with any ways that I can deal with this but I get humiliated in the playground on a regular basis. I suspect he is bored but can I do anything or say anything just to make all our lives a little easier?

    May 31st, 2006 at 2:39 pm
  83. Mary says:

    HiI was sent you Animal School link and it touched me more then I can express. I’m Mary, mother of three… my oldest will be 17 in July my youngest 3 in August.I home school my kids now, I brought my oldest home in junior high and my middle child home part way through 1st grade. I look forward to reading your news letters and getting advice as needed. I just want to be the best parent I can be. Thank you

    May 31st, 2006 at 6:26 pm
  84. Katie says:

    Hello - I have a little beautiful girl Lauren who is about to turn 2. She is my whole world and I am trying to raise her so she is strong and confident and so she knows she can go and conquer the world. My biggest concern is that I am recently divorced and will now be raising my daughter as a single mom - how do I make sure I give her everything she needs emotionally and she is not hurt by the situation we have put her in?

    May 31st, 2006 at 8:13 pm
  85. Karen says:

    Hi, my name is Karen. I’m 41 and a mom of two girls. They are 13 and 10. My 13 yr. old has some special needs. I watched Animal School and thought it was awesome! Thanks for it.

    June 1st, 2006 at 9:00 am
  86. Tina Wiedenhoft says:

    Anna,
    I am responding to your email about how my autistic son expresses his aggression. He starts to bite his arm or what ever object is of interest to him for the day. He will bite, scratch, Pinch, pull hair. When he is out of control he will drop to the floor and lunge for my ankles or legs to bite me. He is very strong and is only getting stronger. It is getting to the point where I am afraid of him and can not escape at times. He has bitten my finger so hard I lost the nail and have numb and tingly spots in other areas where he has bitten me as well as loads of scars. School had just called another IEP meeting where they more or less decided for me that they were concerned for the safety of staff as well as my safety and he should be placed in a school/hospital 3hrs. away from home. My heart is breaking as he is my only child and I don’t want to let go but everyone keeps telling me this is for the best. I told them I would visit this place with them but I would not make any decisions until I do so. If you go to autism speaks on the net you may watch a video of other families living with autism. It is very helpful to watch other families with the same struggles. The message board I post with is at http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum scroll down to web results and it is the first site Autism Pdd-Message Boards. It really helps alot venting and getting ideas from other parents of auties. GOOD Luck with your son and maybe we will be in touch soon on the autism site??

    June 1st, 2006 at 12:25 pm
  87. Anna says:

    Thanks Tina! I will check out that site pronto. There is a lot of comfort in connecting with others going through similar challenges.

    You have a very difficult challenge facing you. It was smart to hold off on the decision until you have the chance to check out the facility and see what’s what. Then, you will be able to make an informed decision. Good luck with whatever decision you make. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

    June 1st, 2006 at 1:05 pm
  88. Leah Stoltz says:

    Just found the site on the Hyperlexia network. thanks! I’m 32, live in Vancouver, BC, Canada. I’m a single mom of Jordan, 4.5 years old. Jordan is autistic (HFA) and Hyperlexic. I don’t have any major parenting questions right now, we have so many therapists etc in our life. My biggest challenge is having my own life and finding friends.. I’m with my son all week long, weekends he’s at his dad’s.. and that’s when I have to try to work etc ( I work at home thank goodness!) Some other mom’s discriminate against my son, don’t want him around their kids (nice way to teach your kids hey!) or they are friends, but they have kids all weekend. How I’d love to meet some people in Vancouver I could just hang out with and talk to.
    anyway, that’s my biggest problem. I’ll look forward to all your postings and learning from you all.
    have a great day.
    Leah

    June 1st, 2006 at 1:32 pm
  89. Tina says:

    I received the “animal school” and couldn’t stop myself from crying. I am a single mother raising a very rambunctious boy. My son is 7 and has previously been diagnosed with ADHD. We go thru cycles of manageable behavior and extremely unmanageable behavior. At times he is the most affectionate, caring child and then within moments he is a screaming, kicking, fighting maniac. He is a very angry child sometimes and can be very aggressive to the point of violence. School is becoming very difficult for him. I think that is mostly because he is very intelligent, but gets bored very easy. He need lots of activity to stay on task, and the mundane talk, talk, talk of every day school, I think is wearing on him. He is a very sensitive, emotional child. He reacts to the slightest thing sometimes. If he feels ignored, rejected, singled out, set aside, or picked on, he reacts very emotionally. There never seems to be a good way to handle him. I wish I had some way to cope better, but sometimes just the stress of it all is more than I can bear. My family is not very supportive or helpful. I feel like I am all alone in this and sometimes don’t know how I will make it thru this with my sanity in tact. Any advice would be helpful. We have tried several meds for the ADHD, and they only enhance the emotional outbursts and make them worse. I have implemented behavior mod and sometimes it was working and then, it just started falling apart. I feel sometimes like the weakest human being in the world.

    June 1st, 2006 at 4:45 pm
  90. Lisa French says:

    Hi I have two late-talking boys both very bright and equally challenging , I am looking for some great advice and help regarding their upbringing .Do you think I am at the right place for this?
    Lisa French

    June 1st, 2006 at 4:56 pm
  91. Beth says:

    I’m Beth, I have 3 kids, aged 19, 12 and 7. My youngest - Calum has a speech and language disorder and is a very special wee boy.

    I belong to a group called Bright Late Talking Children (UK) and one our parents posted the link to “Animal School” and thats what led me- like Lisa French (hiya Lisa!) before me.
    I loved the video and look forward to having a good look on this site :-)

    June 1st, 2006 at 6:28 pm
  92. Betzaida says:

    Hi Ellen
    My name is Betzaida and I am from Puerto Rico.
    I have an 11 years old son, diagnosed as PDD.He likes to read and is very intelligent.
    He also has a lot of imagination and that worries me because sometimes, I think, he can not distinguish between real life and imagination.If you want send me a feedback. Thank you.I am glad to Know about you.

    June 1st, 2006 at 6:33 pm
  93. Aida says:

    Hello. I am Aida and I have six beautiful children ages 3 months to 10 years old. They home educate and I feel really fortunate to have them around me most of the time. Both my husband and I share same ideas on parenting, however, he still has his personal demons to battle occasionally i.e. his experiences of how he was parented by his parents. Occasionally he resorts to being quite dictatorial, inflexible, bullying and belittling - traits that I notice in his mother. Most of the time, he is wonderful with them and I have to say, he does try very hard and loves them very much. He has even said how he regrets the way he parented his other two children from previous relationships.

    June 1st, 2006 at 6:37 pm
  94. Cheryl says:

    I have 2 sons, 18 and 12, the 18y just graduated from high school. The 12y is the one I have problems with. He is ADHD and has some other learning disabilities. When we found this out I took him out of school and am now homeschooling him. He is making progress so I know I’m doing the right thing, but it is frustrating to get him to work without me getting upset. I just need encouragement to keep on at times when I don’t want to.

    June 2nd, 2006 at 1:23 pm
  95. Caroline says:

    Hi

    I’m Caroline, I’m 44, in England, with one lovely daughter Tala, just 9. My problem isn’t her, its me. I don’t spend enough time with her. I work full time and then when I get home, I spend too much time on the computer, or sometimes, watching telly. At the end of the day at bedtime, I feel regret that I’ve done it again, but I just can’t seem to get up the energy or inclination to play with her. We only have the one, and it has turned out that she’s very sociable and would love to have a sibling, but that’s just not a viable idea, for several reasons. I feel that not having other kids has also made her a bit young for her age, I guess we still baby her a bit, and then I get frustrated because she still acts like a 5 y/o sometimes. I know I’m in danger of forcing her to grow up too fast, and becoming a tv zombie, but its my fault not hers. Her dad spends most of his time on the computer as well, all Saturdays sometimes, (well that’s how it seems to me but I don’t really know because I’m at work then). I am in utter awe of home edders, I dont know how they do it at all! I hear of all these amazing people who incorporate snippets of education and attention into every little thing that they do with their kids, and I feel like a failure. and now she’s 9, all the bad habits are built into her, arent they? ‘Give me a child at 7 and I’ll show you the man’(or woman)

    Caroline

    June 2nd, 2006 at 2:33 pm
  96. Aida says:

    Hi Caroline

    please, please don’t call yourself a failure. we women are so quick to be unkind to ourselves, the mere fact that you feel dissatisfied with things at present is a good starting point. I totally understand what you mean by not having the energy or the inclination to play with her but maybe rather than seeing it as your task to ‘entertain’ her, you both could do something that you share an interest in. My 10 year old daughter just loves spending time alongside me, doing things like cooking, or reading or planning our vegetable patch. Keep in touch and don’t beat yourself up too much.

    June 2nd, 2006 at 4:49 pm
  97. Leah Stoltz says:

    Hi Caroline,
    I just wanted to say that it is very brave of you to talk about it. I have felt that I was the only one feeling that way. Being a single mom who works at home and having an autistic child, then all the therapy etc. that goes with it, not to mention other people’s “Stuff” when we are out and about..
    anyway, you are not alone. I hope I can say this eloquently enough…
    I feel that way too a lot. If I just want to sit and read and let my son watch a show, I feel guilty. But, my mother told me some very good adivce that it would be good for all parents too remember.
    The old saying goes
    “do the best you can every day”
    My mom told me to expand that too.
    “Do the best you can every day, with what you have avialable!”
    Big difference. Some days I’m full of energy and strength.. I can handle the judgmental people, I can handle the chaos of the park, I can play for hours…
    other days, I’m exhausted or upset or PMS whatever.. so those days we do the best we can with what we have THAT day! If that means we come home from preschool and watch shows til dinner cause I want to relax and read and play solitare then that’s fine. We cannot be ON all the time. We are people too, and that doesn’t stop when we are mom’s. we all need time, and we have to take it when we can..

    Another thought I’ve had is that parent’s that question themselves are the good parents! Am I good enough, am I playing enough, am i teaching enough etc… I’ve seen lots of not so good parents (sadly ) and they just go through their days never questioning what they do. Those of us that take stock and notice where we can improve are the GOOD parents! So as the previous post said, the fact that your thinking about it is step 1… be easy on yourself. have a great day.
    Leah

    June 2nd, 2006 at 5:36 pm
  98. ella says:

    just introducing myself here =)
    i have 2 beautiful daughters - antonia is 9 and augusta is 10 months old . we are a home schooling family . antonia is special needs and is currently dealing with CAPD , dyslexia, and a few more i can’t think of right now i am sorry to say lol . seems like lately it has been one of THOSE days a lot .
    just needing some prayer and encouragement right now . thanks !

    June 2nd, 2006 at 8:38 pm
  99. Marah says:

    Introduction:

    Marah SAHM, homeschooling a 12 yr old ds, gifted, lost in the world,can’t wait to grow up child, and a 10 yr old dd who can’t seem to find out whom she wants to be. By that I mean a nice girl or a short tempered quick to bite, hormonal, pre-adolescent Jacqualine Hyde. LOL I laugh now but at some point in the month we will be vying for the Alpha female position and the chocolates.

    Blessings to all..

    June 2nd, 2006 at 11:41 pm
  100. Christiane says:

    Hi, my name is Christiane, I have two girls 5 and 3, and another child due in October. We are a homeschool family and love all the time we spend together. To answer to those struggling with the small percent of the time your children misbehave or seem out of control, I look at it from the perspective, do adults always get along and maintain full control of themselves? I think that there are times children just need to explode and they don’t know correct ways of handling their feelings. I try(not always patiently)to let my children explore their feelings and then we talk about them after the incident. That way they can choose which way they like to handle things and they fill more in control, instead of me telling them how they should feel and how to handle things. All humans just need a direction, most of us will choose the way that makes us happiest.

    Christiane

    June 3rd, 2006 at 11:19 am
  101. Dawn says:

    Hi all,

    We had Noah’s IEPT today, and good news…he doesn’t qualify for
    speech therapy, he scored above average on all the tests…Yay!! But
    after an extensive converstaion with both the social worker and the
    school psychologist, I am really questioning the PDD Dx. I have read
    that when a PDD Dx is given, it’s because the child doesn’t fit in an
    autistic Dx, but at least in Noah’s case, could be Aspergers but is
    too young to Dx. Definitely an ADHD Dx, though, and is also being put
    on the waiting list for the Crowley School in Lincoln Park. Does
    anyone have any experience there?

    Anyway, maybe it’s not as bad as we were initially told. We were told
    he was 1 to 1 1/2 years behind, I believe they called it a Global
    Delay. But according to the recent tests conducted he is only at about
    a 7 month delay….

    Well, in the meantime, we are looking into the Dearborn Speech and
    Sensory Center, they have a summer program (mucho $$$$ though) or
    maybe a “mainstream” preschool a couple of days per week, and will
    continue on with the school psychologist in the fall. Wish us luck!

    ~Dawn~

    June 3rd, 2006 at 11:34 am
  102. Mary Katheryn says:

    Hi,
    I’m happy to have found your website. My son is 13, hearing impaired, and has ADHD and PDD/NOS. He is a very loving and social child, but his speech is not always clear. Using sign language helps enormously, but the school system refuses to provided an ASL iterpreter for him (I know it is illegal, but my district has a lot more money, power, and know-how than I do, and no matter what mediation would determine the school district would not comply >

    My biggest issue right now is that my son is an only child and wants all my attention when other adults come over and want to talk with me or when I am on the phone. Any ideas would be much appreciated.
    Thank you,
    Mary Kateryn

    June 4th, 2006 at 3:37 am
  103. Julie J. says:

    Hi Ellen,
    I love your website. I have 4 daughters, Marah 6 1/2, Madison 5 1/2, Marissa 3 and Malana 23 months. This is my first year homeschooling and this is a wonderful site for encouragement and support. Thank you, Julie

    June 4th, 2006 at 6:32 am
  104. Sue says:

    I am the mother of two, 18 and 17. We have made it through most of the trouble of childhood (and there was plenty!). I adopted my son as a brain injured infant, and gave birth to a daughter who recently self-diagnosed her mild asperger’s syndrome.
    My mother has had The Animal School posted in her nursery school for nearly forty years. Maybe having had that kind of exposure to respecting natural talent has allowed me to get through the many challenges with great faith in my children. Homeschooling for the greatest part of their schooling allowed me to see their impressive abilities blossom through alternate methods (and we worked hard together to find the methods that worked for each.)
    My biggest concern is the willingness of our society to discard those who have great ability because they do not have it all, or even a mediocre level of most. It isn’t just our schools. We must make space for those whose contribution requires a bit of support. Sue

    June 4th, 2006 at 10:10 am
  105. Leah Stoltz says:

    Hi.. sue said in her post…My biggest concern is the willingness of our society to discard those who have great ability because they do not have it all, or even a mediocre level of most. It isn’t just our schools. We must make space for those whose contribution requires a bit of support.

    I agree so Much Sue. Someone said to me once,
    We celebrate different cultures, different religions why not different people?
    Since my son’s diagnosis, I know it has changed my perspective. I beleive I was always a non judgmental person, but now I am more so. I think of people throughout my life that I wasn’t mean too, but didn’t help or empathize or even try to understand better and it hurts me..that they might have needed a hand up from me or a smile. Will people treat my son the same? anyway, my son’s diagnosis has taught me to open up even more and judge even less and it feels good.

    June 4th, 2006 at 10:57 am
  106. Barbara says:

    Hi, my name is Barbara and I have g/b twins who just turned 6 and a son who just turned 7. My most pressing parental issue at this time is that my children seem to be fighting a lot. I want them to learn to resolve their own problems but the fighting is driving me nuts. I want them to all get along (they actually do really like each other!).

    Barbara

    June 4th, 2006 at 5:48 pm
  107. Stacey says:

    HI
    My most pressing issue is including our 12 year old son with family anything, outings, games, shopping, talks, with our 3 year old daughter. He has a hard time enjoying himself around us and in public, but privately he has enjoyed being a big brother.

    June 4th, 2006 at 6:43 pm
  108. Christina says:

    Hi,

    I’m a homeschooling mom of an eight-year-old boy, an almost-five-year-old girl, and eighteen-month-old boy. My biggest challenge as a mother is currently relearning to communicate respectfully with my kids instead of falling back on the way I was raised (lots of yelling, being made to feel bad about myself for doing something wrong or not within “approved” behaviors, etc.) My second biggest parenting challenge is trying to get my dh on the same page as me, or at least in the same book.

    Speaking of books (and I do, often) I’m currently reading Unconditional Parenting, by Alfie Kohn. Still in the “why” section–haven’t gotten to the “how,” yet.

    Regards,
    Christina

    June 4th, 2006 at 10:52 pm
  109. Pam says:

    I have a 9 year old son. He is an excellent reader. I have been homeschooling him since kindergarten. We joined a nice church recently. And I enrolled him in Sunday school. Now he insists that he would like to go to school instead of me homeschooling. Should I allow this?

    June 5th, 2006 at 10:05 am
  110. Debbie Reynolds says:

    Hi I’m Debbie. I’m a SAHM of 2 girls (2yrs. and 2 mos.). I look forward to getting advice from you in the future.

    June 5th, 2006 at 2:23 pm
  111. Jessica says:

    Discipline and homeschool. How do I accomplish first time obedience? I have a soon to be 6 year old daughter and a just turned 2 year old boy.

    Thank you,
    jessica

    June 5th, 2006 at 4:35 pm
  112. David says:

    I’m looking for resources to parenting children in the 21st century. If we have a new generation every 2 to 3 yrs due to the fast pace time in which we live, what should we do differently in parenting than we did 20 yrs ago? I’m looking tools for the 21st century. Thank you

    June 5th, 2006 at 4:41 pm
  113. Christina says:

    David,

    Unconditional Parenting, by Alfie Kohn, (pub. last spring, I believe) challenges the mindset of behaviorism within the parenting realm. It’s causing me to rethink a lot of current parenting advice that is out there.

    I still haven’t gotten to the suggestions Kohn gives for getting rid of conditional parenting methods, as he considers it critical to understand why new models are needed first.

    HTH!

    ~Christina

    June 5th, 2006 at 4:49 pm
  114. Marie says:

    I have two children 15{boy} 11{girl}. I am having a really hard time with arguing. If my daughter says it black he says no its not it grey. They argue about everything. She’s ill no your ill you woke up on the wrong side of bed. etc.I have homeschooled for 9 yrs my son has ADD. But it seems these teen years are getting me down. I would have never done what these kids say and do my parents didnt put up with that.Kids today are so different when we say no on something they want to argue why. When my parents said no that meant no end of disscussion.I dont know what I’m doing wrong. Some morning are so bad I have to tell them not to talk to each other at all. Unless they can talk nice to each other. Is this normal for kids?

    June 6th, 2006 at 1:33 am
  115. Analili says:

    Hello, Ellen!
    I am a Guatemalan married to an American for over 6 years. We live in Guatemala City. The way Jeff and I were raised is very different. I really would like to be a better parent without raising my voice or spanking which is normally done in my culture.
    I have a degree in English-Spanish Translation, so I can stay home with Kezia, my 29 month old daughter and work while she sleeps :) . She is very smart, loving, and obedient; also potty trained, says please & thank-you, and makes us very happy. We are raising her bilingual. I am really interested to try homeschooling. Thanks for all your comments, I appreciate them.
    Analili

    June 6th, 2006 at 2:52 am
  116. Lisa says:

    Hi, I am a mom of two boys, one 8 years old and one 7 years old. Our 8 year old seems to tell us about something not feeling good, almost on a daily basis - - a headache, a stomach ache, his foot cramping, his finger scraped, etc. He is a healthy child, and has regular check-ups with our pediatrician. His eating habits are very healthy, fruit, veggies, milk, meats, breads, etc. What can I do, so I am not always worried that something is really wrong?

    June 6th, 2006 at 10:23 am
  117. Joy says:

    Hi,
    We are a homelearning family consisting of myself, Gary my sweet hubby, Cody our 17 year old who is studying to write his GED soon and Richelle our 13 year old daughter.
    I really enjoy the advice and thoughts thatI have read so far.
    Parenting teens is a uphill struggle to say the least. Our son had a defiant moment at 14 and since then has been a pleasure. He loves to please and is very upset when he hurts or dissapoints anyone. He honors his boundaries and accepts our guidance & rules with respect.
    Our daughter on the other hand has a constant battle with her general attitude. She slips easily into disrespectful modes of speech and behavior, has a difficult time accepting boundaries and is quick to hurt others when she is thwarted or disciplined.
    We have recently retracted all priviledges, removed outside influence, restricted media influence and keep her very close. At first she was very angry and spent a couple days moping and shuffling between being grounded to her room for the mistreatment of others and just being mad!! Now that she has realized that we are very serious and concerned that her attitude will greatly jeopardize her future, she is finally making an effort to be her best. We do not expect perfection,but rather want her to use her time to fish through all the fiction that her friend