Comments on: Parenting in the Fast Lane

By: Vathsala

Vathsala — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 16:45:15 +0000

It’s not that we don’t have time to be with our kids. In today’s world our priorities have changed. let’s first ask ourselves, “Do I enjoy being with my child?” If we can say “YES” to this conscientiously then we can have all the time in the world to be with our children.

By: Jana

Jana — Sat, 03 May 2008 02:03:58 +0000

I love the saying…… “Your actions speak so loudly, I can’t hear a word you are saying.”
We all love our children and of course we tell them, but how often do we take our precious time to show them??? I loved the reminder in this article, that they need our time and energy -scheduled if need be, to SHOW them our love. Thanks for the reminder and I love the response of the Momma that is going to get up early to get her agenda out of the way so she can focus on her little ones. That is the inspiration I needed as well. God bless…..

By: Jennifer August

Jennifer August — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 14:42:04 +0000

I am stopping the cycle my parents made and I go out of my way to raise my little ones in a happy environment. I know I am not perfect but they have never heard harsh words in our presence, and we take lots of “TIME INs” (instead of time outs) to snuggle them and hug them and dance or read or sing with them. I do not care if they are accepted to the best schools or colleges or if they are the first to do anything- my only aim, my only goal- is that they have a happy childhood. We cannot redo it later on if we mess it up for them and I know, with every breath I take and every decision I make (and every time i bite my tongue and check myself) that we are responsible for their childhoods. That is such a grande and awesome task. WE are making their childhood. This is what I think about every day when I decide that we will have some down time…or tickle time or quiet time. I am madly in love with them and I have to remember that they cannot suffer because of my hard day at work or my long commute or my lack of preparing ahead for a dinner. This is my (and hubby’s) task. It is our number one job. They are our masterpieces. I would rather be a soft cushion for them to fall on than a hard place. We do still teach lessons, but we teach them by modeling them ourselves. Children imitate their atmosphere and though it can be trying, this is the responsibility I brought on myself when they came into the world. These tiny little souls are ours to cherish. How lucky we are!

By: lyn

lyn — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 16:26:23 +0000

That was a great article, as you can see by all the responses to it. I just wanted to mention a great book that I read called To A Child Love is Spelled Time by Mac Anderson and Lance Wubbels. On the back of the book are a few comments I thought I would type now: “To the world, you may be just one person…but to one person you might just be the world. That person is your child.”

“Life shouts a thousand demands to take you away from your child. If you permit “the urgent” to rule, you will lose moments you can never recover. What happens in the ever-changing life of your child today will never be repeated. All the gold in the world cannot buy back either the little delights or the big pleasures that happen without announcement or plan.”

“A hundred years from now, it will not matter what your bank account was, the sort of house you lived in, or the kind of car you drove. But the world may be different because of the time you spent with your child.”

“Every parent should read this book. I once asked a five-year-old what he would take with him if he were going to heaven. He replied, “I would take my parents because I think that up there they would have more time with me”…Nuff said.”–Art Linkletter.

By: Sue Rajan

Sue Rajan — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 01:16:54 +0000

Hi! Ellen, It’s funny that i’m receiving your article today. Coz for the last few months I’ve been well aware that I’m not spending enough time with my 3 year old girl due to a hectic working life and have realized that I need to do something about it. i’m very happy as I’ve finally decided today that I’m gonna find a more flexible job that’s gonna allow me do that with her. I’m also comtemplating moving nearer to my family so my daughter could have the experience of mixing with her cousins and other kids; something that she is deprived of at the moment as she’s the only child and doesn’t have the opoortunity to mingle. Not sure where all of this is going but I’m glad to have made these decisions as I want us to grow as a family even if it means sacrificing my career growth. Wish me luck!

By: Jen

Jen — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 05:10:48 +0000

Julie -
Please feel free to email me – diegowench@yahoo.com! Your email brought me to tears – it was exactly what I needed to hear at the exact moment I needed to hear it!

Thank you

Jennifer

By: Julie

Julie — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 14:42:50 +0000

Wow! What an inspiration. Especially Jen. As a mother of four ages 4-11, two of which are disabled, you have my utmost respect. I will say that our saving grace has been the respite providers and respite camp. We have two beautiful ones in Iowa and I am sure there are many others throughout the country. Please contact your local human services dept or talk to a social worker at your childrens clinic. There are so many programs available. I have also quit my job to take care of my children after numerous day care problems. It is a huge adjustment, but once I realized that all those days of looking at my house saying, I wish…were over, I have made my peace with being home and take some me time while the older kids are in school. I need every bit of energy I can find when they get home! The Lord works in so many mysterious ways for me. My husband was laid off. Christmas was very lean, I was denied food stamps so I could feed my kids – one is on a gf/cf diet- agression and new meds were throwing my son for a loop-and low and behold my tax refund is saving the day. I am so glad to hear things are going better for you and wish you all of the best of luck with all of your children. Sometimes the cross we bear seems too heavy, just remember that the Lord did not trust the negative people we run into every day to carry that cross, he gave it to us out or love and respect. I would also be happy to share many websites with very good information on autism/pdd/epilepsy/homeopathics if interested.

Julie

By: Terry

Terry — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 16:56:08 +0000

As the mother of two older children (18 and 14) I can’t stress enough how quickly their childhood passes. Put as many positive things into their memory banks as you can. Working and being a mum is a very hard job and one doesn’t always get it right but for every time you think you got it wrong make a concerted effort to spend some positive time with your child. You will reap the rewards in the end. You reap what you sow with children. Enjoy them while you still have them.

By: Tisa

Tisa — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 08:40:25 +0000

I didn’t realize these posts were so old until I went back to read more but God does have a way of getting us to see and here what we need to no matter when!

By: Tisa

Tisa — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 08:36:02 +0000

Tammy your note to the mom of 4 special kids is beautiful. And the ending is just what I needed to hear.
“Seasons in our life come and go, and I pray you’ll find some seasons of refreshing JUST FOR YOU…You are the one constantly pouring into somebody, and you have to have those times, that YOU’RE
poured into, or you dry up and die……It’s NOT selfish to grab some ME time”
I have 3 small children (4,2,1, all boys)and I’m just now getting back into church and trying to connect with women who understand what i’m going through. Thanks

By: Kyla

Kyla — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 11:41:40 +0000

I will try the binder idea, thanks alot.
I can’t wait to share these special times with my kids.

Kyla

By: Tamara

Tamara — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 14:41:52 +0000

This is my first time really using this site – and what perfect timing. Last night I came across a journal that I started with my daughter when she was 4 years old (she’s 7 now)and starting preschool – she had been reading it in bed and left it out. As I read about the nuances of her 4 year old life, the tears started…and before I knew it I was berating myself for having let our ritual of writing in the journal every night fall by the wayside.

As a single mom who works full-time plus, sometimes I just get so tired, but now all I need to do is visit this site or take a look at that journal to help me remember that although it seems like only yesterday my daughter was in preschool sharing the details with me about the class skink (a reptile, I believe!) and playing house with Andrew and Grace, time has a way of slipping through our hands. I am going to refocus on consistent, quality time and documenting our lives together. Thanks everyone!

By: Jeannine

Jeannine — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 20:38:54 +0000

My middle daughter was having issues with her younger sister being called princess, so we bought a TIARA and each one of my girls (3) gets one week to be the princess and I get the other week every month to be the Queen. That is like having your own special day at school but at home for a whole week. Along with the Tiara comes special priveleges as in one on one time with Mom and Dad. It isn’t a perfect system but it is a positive step in the right direction and helped my middle daughter to get over some of her animosity towards her little sister.

By: Mom to four special kids

Mom to four special kids — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 21:04:02 +0000

Kyla – have you tried making a chart with “stuff to do” in it? Put it in a three ring binder with the supplies for the thing to do. If you leave it in your entryway or on the kitchen counter with art projects etc., it could work. I put these things into my household notebook – as long as I include all the supplies and follow up with a phone call – it works pretty well.

Jen
Mom to four special kiddos – 18 w/adhd/ld/sid, 15 with AS/BP/OCD/ADD/PTSD, 10 with adhd severe, and 6 with autism and add

By: Kyla

Kyla — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 20:57:28 +0000

Hey there,
I work nights 4-12 and I don’t have much time to spend with my daughter (6 and at school) during the week and my husband is ok with letting the kids watch tv and run wild while I would love to have my kids work on things alot more constructive and with things that help them grow. How do I make this happen while I work nights and still allow my husband to sit quietly and play his computer game or watch tv?
Please help!!
Kyla

By: rainbowstroller

rainbowstroller — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 20:40:04 +0000

great idea!

I am going to make a list tomorw with my son.

By: Nancy

Nancy — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 08:04:11 +0000

Hello all, I have a four year old and an 8 month old. Times are not what they used to be before the baby. The best idea I’ve had was to sit down with my 4 yr old and write down a long list of everything we love to do together i.e. build forts, play restaurant, wrestle, do eachother’s hair etc (the more the better) Cut them out, put into a bag and pick from the bag. This works because sometimes we don’t know when our children just want to just hang out with us. This way it’s intentional, focused, and you don’t have to scramble for ideas. Sometimes if a certain activity doesn’t work,like having a picnic when it’s rainig, we just pick another one.

Hope that helps !

By: Elinor

Elinor — Fri, 29 Sep 2006 14:58:20 +0000

Dear Ellen,
You are a true hero in the eyes of “US” Parents……Mother’s particularly (my opinion, although Parenting is a Team, I feel Mom’s have most of the load).
You do have great ideas, and I have applied many of them already on my own…Bedtime is a great time to bond. My children: Philip, 15 yrs.old and Natalia, 12 yrs.old, are now teenagers (they grow too fast these days) which does make bonding a struggle as this time in there lives is the most distancing. It is a must to find the right time for you to bond as everyone’s lives routines are so varied. YOU MUST FIND THE RIGHT TIME FOR YOU AND YOURS, if your child does not receive the bonding time, resulting in feeling loved and nourished, we will suffer the consequences although not as much as your child will. Everyday, I try, after school bonding, although most of the time, they already have a plan in motion ready to implement….which does not include you. Dinners together have become scarce these days, which is sad, so when $ allows…I insist going out and we always enjoy ourselves and it’s a great bonding time. Bedtime, as you have also mentioned, is a great more receptive time as the day has climaxed and although tired, most of us are at a calm. I guess I’ve put too much imput. There is so much to say.
I am a very ill Mom/Wife, and everything is difficult for me. My Husband is in denial over my illnesses (fear), so I must carry all of the burden, in supporting him also, as he is having an even more difficult time with the change in our children.
So, Keep on ladies, We are the stronger, and need to continue to be, if we want balance in our lives and happiness in our homes. God Bless Us All,
Once again, thank you Ellen for your efforts for ALL OF US !!!
Sincerely, Elinor S. Leal

By: kristin

kristin — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 15:18:29 +0000

What an awesome topic, I have 2 boys, ages 4 and 11. I have learned that my 4 year old is the happiest in the morning when he hops in bed with me and we snuggle for a while before getting ready for preschool.He is so full of love and I am able to give him his own time. My 11 year old loves when mom takes him out on a “date”. I know that I need to take the time to keep the lines of communication open with him. I love spending time with my boys singly and together…
no greater love and satisfacton than that one God placed in our hearts for our kids. I say go with what feels right to you and your kids.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 05:59:14 +0000

Our busy kitchen calendar is filled with tons of activities, plans etc. but also includes a specific special date for me with each of our three daughters once a month as well as with my husband. Since we are tied to our calendar it works best for us to write it down (in addition to the errand dates, the spontaneous times) to have something to look forward to. We also have a dinner co-op so that 4/5 of the week nights I’m hanging out with the girls doing homework (I’m in grad school full time), reading books or watching them do a play–and a neighbor brings our meal at 5pm ready to eat! No stressed out 30 minutes pre-meal getting ready (don’t ask about our Sunday night when we cook for 4 families–yikes!)

By: Mom of Four Special Kids

Mom of Four Special Kids — Thu, 14 Sep 2006 20:08:06 +0000

I agree – we took my autistic child off wheat and she has begun to make eye contact and attempt conversations. Sugar made no difference, but each child is different.

By: esther

esther — Thu, 14 Sep 2006 03:48:22 +0000

taking a child off wheat sugar etc. has made huge differences for us.
brain gym is phenomenal too.
homeopathy
osteopath
it all adds up………to happier children and parents.
the best investment you will ever make
worth the effort.
dont take my word for it – try it yourself and see the results
good luck.

By: kalyani

kalyani — Mon, 11 Sep 2006 04:20:31 +0000

Salam-Namaste from India,
Hi,I am Kalyani,mother of a 7 year old boy. I am recently introduced to Raising SmallSouls and this is just to tell you all, how much I am loving it to be part of this wonderful forum.

It is great to learn about different ways to handle most simple and not so simple everyday situations parents across the globe have with children.

My problem is my temper,my impatience. It often manifests in the tricky and difficult situations with my child,when calm is needed the most. I am trying to overcome it. Any suggestions?
kalyani

By: trish

trish — Sun, 10 Sep 2006 14:10:15 +0000

To the Mom of Four Special Kids ,I have one special one,She has taught me more than my three non-disabled.I don’t know what state you are in. Here in Ky.,there are many help org. that offer mom’s night out.Are you involed in any org.?If not get involed as soon as possible,there is alot of help out there to help one cope with the stress of a special needs child.

By: Sara

Sara — Sun, 10 Sep 2006 13:04:04 +0000

my kids are up far earlier than I am ready for, so our mornings start with them climbing in bed with my husband and me. This was a favorite ritual of MINE when I was a kid, continuing well into my high school years. My mom and I had some of the best conversations while waking up in the morning, and I hope to continue that with my children.