Comments on: Peer Pressure

By: Chris

Chris — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 00:36:44 +0000

This article hits home with our family. We have a wonderful, caring 14 year old who has alway been slightly socially awkward. Recently he has befriended a group of older teens who smoke, drink, and misbehave in school. We have always stressed that we hold him responsible for his actions, and that we expect him to be honest with us.
We have struggled to decide if we should lead him away from his “friends” or just remind him that his choices are his own. We decided to let him have his social group as long as he continues to make responsible decisions he will be given the freedom to make choices, because we trust him. As parents we all make choices and pray that they work out in end.

By: Robin N.

Robin N. — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 23:33:37 +0000

I have saved this article for re-reading in future years. My son is headed for Middle school next year and seems even now to be so afraid of being teased (even about the lunch items he brings daily to school) andof being non-cool in some way. I remember my being concerned with these things when I was this age, too. I was so overly concerned about what others (peers) thought of me. What a burden to carry!!!!! I wish he could truly believe your point about true coolness being when one isn’t concerned about whether others think one is cool or not!!
Thanks for writing this, and I’m glad to be introduced to your wise writing to us parents!

By: Connie

Connie — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 16:17:57 +0000

Thanks for your reply. You’ve given good advice and I’ll give it a try!

By: Alan Carson

Alan Carson — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 23:23:21 +0000

Connie:

I believe you have a dilemma on several fronts. First, if your son has had trouble becoming part of a peer group, it would be unkind, critical and counterproductive for you to say, “You need to get new friends.”

Second, how to handle it if your son starts going downhill. I think I would say,”Joe, I am glad you have made friends- that must feel great. I hope they are good friends, but in the event they start mischief I trust you will be a positive influence on them versus them being a negative influence on you. Either way, we’ll hold you accountable if bad things happen when you are with them. There will be no excuses, so make good choices.”

By: Michelle

Michelle — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 20:09:26 +0000

Wow! This article is excellent! The insights are pointed and practical! I actually felt the truth of that the ideas you expressed resonate within me – it was as if my heart was nodding along as I read. Thank you for sharing this wisdom! I definitely want to reread this article again and again!

By: Donna

Donna — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 03:34:55 +0000

Wow! This article is thought provoking. Being one who works with students who have social understanding challenges, I think the peer pressure/self pressure idea is so valuable. Thanks for getting me thinking. I will definitely share this with my students and parents.

By: G. De Rozario

G. De Rozario — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 01:33:25 +0000

Thank you for explaining the distinction between peer pressure and influence. I teach children lifeskills in schools and find that very useful. One thought from that difference is that saying to our teens – “Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.” – may not be a good thing because if peer influence is at play, they just might ‘want to’ and so see nothing wrong with their actions. In preparing for a sexuality talk, I found a survey for my c’try: 59% of boys and 39% of girls who engaged in sex did so out of ‘Curiosity’ and many would have probably fallen into this category of ‘being influenced’.

By: Jo-Anne Layton

Jo-Anne Layton — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 20:55:04 +0000

The topic is a HOT one! “As the Twig is Bent – So the Branch is Inclined!” as the saying goes. Childhood experiences really set the tone for their adulthood … but most kids don’t realize this – and even parents & other influential people in their life often don’t fully appreciate the long-term effects of “Influences” in childhood.

This dialogue-style writing is intimate and to-the-point – tailored for Today’s children & parents!

I will be passing this on to others – including a friend who is developing a website for Personal Safety of Women & Children: PREVENTION THE PRIORITY (PTP Group). Trained & Informed thinking & reasoning ability is the First Line of Defence in Keeping our Kids Safe!

KUDOS to Allan Carson!! Keep on Keeping On – Your Services ARE needed!

By: Connie

Connie — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 17:38:05 +0000

Great advice! I have some issues right now with whom my 14 year old son is choosing for his friends. He’s never had a lot of friends and is not an athlete or the brainy type, so he’s ended up with a group of kids that I’m just now sure about! I’m happy for him that he’s feeling some social confidence because he’s now part of a group, but not so happy about the group. These are kids who regularly goof off in class (he thinks they’re funny) and who don’t take school too seriously. We’ve allowed him to have these boys over on occasion which has allowed us to get to know them a bit. They’re not “bad” kids, and I actually think my son is a good influence on them. I would, however, prefer for him to have positive peer influence himself! I know you can’t pick your kids friends, but I’m not sure how to proceed with this!

By: Kelly

Kelly — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:37:24 +0000

I appreciate this wise advise. It is scary raising kids these days…

By: S. Davis

S. Davis — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:18:04 +0000

Yesterday, my son came home from school, saying someone else pushed him down & started kicking him. (He is not small or timid, and has not been bullied before.) He told me he “had witnesses” for when they went to the principal’s office. I told him that is nice, but why didn’t they help? He said one boy ran to the teacher’s office, but my son was even afraid to defend himself because he didn’t want to get in trouble. I am amazed that 4th graders stand & watch a friend get beaten up (with no prior history with the other child who said, “Oh, sorry. I thought you were someone else,” afterwards). I believe if one would have hollered at the other child to stop, or stepped in, it would have made a huge difference. Thank you for your article.

By: Renee

Renee — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 13:18:14 +0000

This came at a perfect time! My daughter and I were discussing this on the way to school this morning. She is the “leader” type and will speak up in most instances but I know how strong peer pressure/influence can be. I pray that she stays true to herself and sets the example for others. I’m going to share portions of this with her. Thank you!

By: Sue

Sue — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 06:27:54 +0000

Something worth mentioning here, I think: some kids are often needlessly harsh on themselves here. So, when faced by a question like “Have you ever done something that you knew was wrong to possibly avoid being teased?” they may answer in the positive without necessarily explaining what it was that they did. Sometimes they stuff they feel guilty about may not be worth the guilt, so I guess parents need to keep this in mind before they blow up.

Who am I kidding, it is I who need to keep this thought in mind!

By: Shannon

Shannon — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 21:43:29 +0000

Thank you for this article. The world has changed so much since I grew up in the 60′s, I really need all the advise I can get!

Shannon, TX

By: Emily

Emily — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 21:37:13 +0000

This article is a treasure, I’ll print and re-read it later when my mind is clear. My 11 year old daughter is facing so many issues that I did not deal with until I was 16 or 18!