Let’s face it; drugs and alcohol have the ability to rob you of your children. Access to illegal substances is absurdly simple for teenagers. Clearly, young lives are being ruined by the thousands as a result of these harmful addictions.
Think of the time you have already put into raising your child. Think of the effort. The energy. And the money. What wouldn’t you do to protect your child from harmful influences!?
What if there was an effective means of combating the influence of social and peer pressures, and giving your child the tools to avoid detrimental habits and addictions?
Take a step back, and examine the reason why teenage addicts turned to substance abuse. In virtually every case, the child was running away from a problem; a family dilemma, social issue, or predicament in school.
The obvious question is this:
Every teenager faces some complications; why was this particular teen unable to cope with his problem; why did he feel compelled to run away from the predicament and escape to a world of addiction?
The answer, just as obviously, is that the child did not know how to deal with disappointment. In all probability, he is not at fault; rather the culture around him can be blamed.
The need to eliminate disappointment is a reflection of today’s social norms. Recall the commercials featuring a man suffering from severe heartburn after eating a slice of pizza. The next clip shows the same guy polishing off a double-cheeseburger, smiling calmly at the camera as he holds a bottle of white pills that eliminated the symptoms of heartburn. Have you ever wondered what kind of message that sends our children?
Simply stated, the moral of the commercial is this: You do not need to endure pain!
Similar advertisements for depression drugs or even pain-relieving pills abound. While I would never discourage you from swallowing some Excedrin to rid yourself of a headache, the reality is that we are living in an unprecedented age of ‘I-should-not-feel-any-pain’.
In fact, some medications are detrimental to reducing a fever, because the higher temperature of the body caused by the fever is actually the vehicle that kills the infection. Popping pills to reduce a fever can sometimes cause the illness to last longer in one’s body.
And so it is with the mind and soul.
Regular pill-popping to reduce heartburn can cause you to ignore the benefits of healthy eating in favor the immediate taste and sensation of pizza and fries.
Swallowing depression-alleviating-tablets can cause you to bypass the source of the sadness, and focus only on eliminating the unpleasant symptoms.
Banishing symptoms can definitely make you feel better. Yet, overlooking the cause of the symptoms virtually guarantees that newer and more dangerous symptoms will definitely arise.
It might be the heart attack due to the blocked arteries stuffed with hamburger remnants, which you were able to eat since your pill eliminated the heartburn. Or, it could be the breakup of a marriage due to nagging feelings of low-self-esteem that had been effectively swept under the carpet by depression medication.
The fuse will blow when overloaded by multiple appliances because it is not a good idea for the electricity to overheat and cause a fire. Some people react to a blown fuse by turning off some of their gadgets. Others prefer to ignore the hot fuse, slight aroma of smoke, and singed wires, and keep restarting the fuse until it will no longer operate.
Symptoms are warning bells being sounded. The ringing of the bells are not the problems; the cause of their chiming is the true issue.
Drug and alcohol usage is a piercing cry for help. The cause of the cry, not its decibel level, must be addressed. Just as you would not tinker with the fire-house’s bell to battle a raging fire, do not make the mistake of exclusively addressing the addiction when dealing with a teenager in distress.
The child who is addicted to harmful substances has not learned to deal with disappointment. Life’s sorrows have overwhelmed her ability to handle distress; therefore she turned to the bottle.
Disappointments come in all shapes and sizes. They begin at birth, when an infant leaves the comfort of the womb with a heart-wrenching cry. Lead an optimistic, cheerful family, yet teach your child to expect and realize that life is far from perfect. Allow him to mourn the stolen bicycle or broken toy without rushing out to immediately purchase a replacement to assuage his tears.
When a young child is given the time to mourn, and the gentle touch of comfort to help her through the loss of her favorite doll carriage, she learns a valuable life lesson; how to deal with sadness. She will develop the category in her brain that will serve as a reference to mourn, express sadness, accept the disappointment, and then move onward. She will access this essential skill when she is teased about her braces, dumped by her boyfriend, dismissed from the softball team, and rejected by the college of her choice.
The ability to mourn, accept heartache, and resolutely move ahead is what sets apart the teenagers who thrive from the ones who are slaves to addictions. The children who were taught to deal with the unfortunate events that are part of the package we call ‘life’ will definitely encounter bumps as they grow up. However, they have the strength of character and emotional wherewithal to dust themselves off, and get back on their feet. The other children, who were spoiled by always having Mom or Dad wipe their tears away, handed sweets or expensive toys to wash away the memory of a disappointing event, will be headed for trouble in their teen years. When the cookie or new plaything is no longer able to wash away their sadness, they will be on the lookout for something bigger to allay their distress. And it will be all too easy for them to find it.
So, when your three-year-old cries over the broken red crayon, hold him and say, “I know, sweetie, you really liked that crayon, and now it’s broken. Sometimes disappointing things just happen.” Resist the urge to say, “Oh, Sweetie, don’t worry, Mommy is going to buy you a new crayon right away!” Perhaps you will buy him another crayon; whether you do so or not is totally irrelevant. The important, essential point is that he learned that sad things happen, and they need to be accepted.
It’s a fact: In the course of a happy childhood, the ability to deal with sadness when the child is young, will prevent the scathing pain of addiction when the child has grown older.
When we raise our children we are not looking for the quick-fix pill, rather, for the healing touch that endures forever.
