Self-Esteem, the Industrial Revolution, & TV
by Ellen C. Braun
Filed under Controversial Parenting Styles, Emotional Development, Self Esteem
Self-Esteem, the Industrial Revolution, and TV
If you were asked “What are the three top characteristic you hope to imbue in your child?” there’s a good chance that self-esteem would be one of your answers.
A healthy level of personal esteem will allow your child to seek achievement, solid relationships, and have the courage to be honest with himself and others.
In contrast, a person who is lacking self-esteem will generally not attempt to achieve more than the minimum and will often enter detrimental relationships because he does not feel deserving of better.
This feeling of value and esteem is enhanced by accomplishments. After all, how good can a person feel about himself if he shirked his responsibilities and spent his time doing nothing much?
There’s a good chance that there is somebody in your circle of influence that was dismissed from his job because a computer was able to take over his responsibilities. What a tremendous blow that must have been to his sense of self, to be relegated as irrelevant because a machine now has the capacity to do what he used to accomplish!
Imagine with me for a moment, how hundreds of cotton laborers must have felt with the invention of Eli Whitney’s cotton gin at the start of the Industrial Revolution. Wham! Their services and labor are now insignificant and useless.
The many blessings of the Industrial Revolution also brought about several negative impacts upon society. As people moved from farms to urban areas and machines took over many of the tasks humans had been busy with for centuries, children’s responsibilities lessened. Two centuries ago, the majority of children had to help out with the myriad of chores that had to be accomplished to keep a household running during that era.
While we are doubtless grateful for the ease of use of the many technological advantages we have today, the downside is that today’s children generally have few, if any, household responsibilities.
In the past, a six-year-old boy could gather the eggs of the chickens for which he cared and see tangible evidence of his toil. A young girl could sew an item of clothing and watch her creation develop into a useful and wearable dress.
Jump ahead to the present and contrast those scenarios with the activity that overtakes so much of our children’s time: Watching TV.
Can you imagine how you would feel if you had to sit at your front window for three hours a day and do nothing but watch your neighbors enjoying their lives? What if your neighbors were far wealthier, more beautiful, and had more exciting relationships than yours? And what if every single day you spent a significant amount of time at the window doing nothing but passively watching them go about their interesting activities?
What kind of feelings do you think would surface in your heart during those hours at the window? Emotions like jealousy, inferiority, and lack of self-esteem would likely be at the forefront of your feelings.
After spending an hour or two watching TV, how much personal esteem can be gained by our children from their couch-potato-activity? Television turns a naturally active child from a creator and accomplisher into a passive spectator of other people’s lives.
Other people’s lives that are not based on anything remotely related to reality, no matter how many reality shows are broadcast! TV characters lives are painted in vivid neon hues, far more colorful than the natural rainbow of colors that is real life.
When you look at the transition in children’s lives over the past centuries- from playing an integral, active role in a family’s household in a meaningful way, to becoming an inactive robot with eyes glued to a flashing screen for hours a day, is it any wonder that self-esteem levels have plummeted drastically?
Go ahead and turn of the TV and write down a family contract with a workable and realistic TV schedule that allows 60 minutes or less of viewing time on weeknights.
Then, together with your child, get creative.
Look for activities that entertain, build skills, and have tangible results. Help your child with a new craft project, and display the finished result prominently. Volunteer together at a children’s shelter and watch the disadvantaged children’s eyes light up with the gifts of your old games. Take up gardening together, and relish the farm-fresh taste of the fruits and vegetables of your joint handiwork.
Please share other ideas for activities that have real results and yield a true boost in self-esteem below!
Hi, my 7 and 10 old boys get 1 hour of tv tuesdays, wed, and thursdays. mondays are family nights and they wrestle with my husband or we catch up on reading. Fridays we try to go to temple. On the weekend they get some more tv time, but we still limit the number of shows and they have to pick either a show or a movie. We also do not have any playing devises (i don’t even know what they are called … box? nintendos?). They can use my laptop but they usually want to write stories. When we are more relaxed about it and they watch more than we intend, they start arguing the moment they leave the sofa. As if they realize they have not been physically or emotionally present for the past amount of time, or as if they loose social skills. thanks for the article.
Jannet in Miami, FL.
OH man did this hit home! You are absolutely right, my kids are into so much trouble at home and school. The teachers had mentioned the possibility of boredom and I thought to myself, of course they are bored all they do is watch tv. It is so easy to just turn it on to preoccupy them so that I can get some housework done, or get some much needed respite. Now, I see that some of the issues that are surfacing are due to the fact that they just watch too MUCH TV. I, for one, am going to make a conscious effort to start challenging my children and rewarding their endeavors. What an awesome chance to cultivate young minds! I didn’t realize just how important my role was. Thanks.
We have four sons ranging in age from 21 months to 11 years old. We decided when our eldest son was 4 that we would no longer continue to support cable or national TV. From that point we have just allowed our children to watch videos, that we can approve before viewing. Do not get me wrong, our children love TV like any others, but what has been great is the fact that they never have asked or demanded things that are often shown on commercials like ceareal, junk food, toys). We allow them a movie on weeknights if they have completed their homework. We use Friday night Movie night as incentive to do a really great job all week. When all has been met we pull out the projector, get a movie they all agree on have popcorn and make it really exciting.
Our eldest son choses to use his free time playing his guitar, violin, and often times loves to read over watching TV. That saying out of site out of mind really goes a long way in our home! Our six year old was over a friend’s house when he got completely confused when a commercial disrupted the show, he thought that the TV broke and wanted the program they were watching back on!
I know it seems like a really big contradiction but ourchildren and husband are all actors in the entertainment field, we utilize this business to practice our expression and to save up for college, but our feelings on watching Tv are completely different.
Tnah in Studio Cit,y California
My husband and I both agreed before we got married that we didn’t want the influence of television in our home. Our kids have grown up without it. We don’t have a video player, or ninetendo type games either. We do have a computer but the kids are limited in how many games they can play. We don’t go to movies in theaters either, because of the values (or lack thereof) that are portrayed. Reading is a big activity as well as building with lego, blocks, cars and trains, dolls, cooking, baking, etc.
Thank you for publishing this! We only let our 3-year-old watch PBS and movies that are for kids, but sometimes it ends up being many hours of the day. I feel ashamed that I have made excuses to myself and rationalized it by only letting her watch what I have said is okay. Why is it okay? So that I can get some chores done (even though they never really get done), so I can have some free time (to use the computer and click around in meaningless circles), to plant my garden and have the neighbors compliment my endeavors (instead of our endeavors), to get my homework done so I can one day contribute more to our finances? It’s always something and yet nothing at the same time. I am making a vow right now, to literally let her watch no more than 1 hour in the morning and one in the evening from now on (I have to be realistic – I’m not going to be able to cut it out completely – I need to wean us both off of it).
Tomorrow the movies are going to be removed from the TV room so as to be out of sight out of mind and we are going to get out the paints and have fun together!
Thank you so much for sending me the link to this article – Our little one deserves more from me and I’ve always known it but now it’s right in front of me. What a clear picture you have painted!
Thank you!!!
Love this article. We have one working TV in our home. We have a lock on it, and the children earn television time by reading a classic, or doing chores. We really don’t watch much tv. I hope it’s okay to post where I got the tv lock from Family Safe Media they have locks and filters for your tv and dvds. I really have liked having them. You make some great points in this article. Keep them coming!
Debbi
Build Self-Esteem: call it- “Adventure Day”
Buy one disposable camera per child. Take children to a nearby park, waterspot, etc.
let them take pics of what they see. With pics- have kids make a poster of their Adventure day.
They will be proud of what they did, have a reminder of their work for positive reinforcement. Also a great memory of family fun time.
You’re preaching to the choir again Ellen. I love it! I’m a big Luddite myself.
Have you read 4 Arguments for the Elimination of Television? Great stuff!
This article is brilliant!! What a great comparison of children’s responsibilities then and now and the impact on self-esteem. We have 3 girls aged 4 to 10. Our children are allowed TV on the weekends and Friday night is family movie night. During the week, they do homework and play together. In fact, they complain that they don’t have enough play time together. They’re not big readers or game kids, just imaginative games like “school” or “Mommy” or building a “city” with their toys. I value their playtime because I want their sister relationships to be strongly rooted as they grow older and begin to navigate towards friends. I am trying to think of appropriate chores for them because I do think they should have some household responsibilities. So far, they make their beds, tidy their rooms, tidy the toyroom, put away their laundered clothes, set the table and clear the table. What else can I have them do?
With your permission, I would like to reprint this in our school news letter. Of course, I will site credits to you and your web site. Rabbi Joseph Abrams
So true! Our girls get into trouble when they are bored and it’s our responsibility as their parents to teach them that “zoning out” in front of the TV is not the best way to spend our time.
Wow! That cotton gin example is really horrible. The laborers affected by the invention of the cotton gin were enslaved! It really devalues the content of the article. I really appreciate your articles in general so I encourage you to remove that example. It is offensive.
I’ve got one better, get rid of the t.v. altogether!!! My children were raised without one. untill 2 years ago when we got one for my husband and its in our room. And people are constantly telling me what great imaginations my kids have. they are 15, 13, and 11. They all still like to dressup , putting on plays and thinking up fun things to do. When they say they are bored, I find work for them to be done. they do like movies, and even that can get out of hand. Even when you are careful, our children are bombarded from every direction with the worldly values. We have to stand up for our children and fight back. For their sakes. And people actually wonder where all the violence and sexuality is coming from today?? Wake up people. Your 18 month old does not need a television to teach him anything, do not listen to them. Our kids need us, not t.v.
I agree with you 100%. However when my kids went to school the other kids played Star Wars and Power Rangers on the playground and my kids did not know what they were talking about. My kids (6 and
at the time begged us to watch these videos because they felt like outsiders at school. Also when my son was at someone’s house who was playing a violent video game he would have to come home. He would be sobbing that he had to leave the friend’s house. Soon the boys started laughing at and bullying my son for being such a wimp. It is not so easy to have your kid feel like a freak when friendships are so important. Our society makes it difficult to be a good parent.
I have , for years, seen the negative effect television has had on my grandchildren. But I have never heard anyone make such an impressive description of the effects of television. Well done! We raised our own children without a TV in our home. Then my husband, who was raised himself in front of one, decided to bring TV back into our home. I asked him the other day if it bothered him to see people get their head blowed off and five people shot to death in less than five minutes. That’s just TV, he said. How long will it take for the soul to stop groaning over such scenes?
I know you need sponsors, but isn’t it ironic that with such a good message against TV, that your sponsor is a cable company? RJA
The reality is that tv is a major component of our culture. To completely take away tv can make your child socially awkward and not be able to relate to his peers when it comes to pop culture. That may sound insignificant, but when it comes to children, especially teenagers, pop culture plays an important part of their lives. I’m all for limiting tv and keeping it age appropiate. But instead of completely turning off the tv, how about sitting with your child and watching with them. Ask how they felt about the story, what would they do in that situation? Also, I explain to my children that commercials are essentially lies. The advertiser wants you to buy their product. They don’t care about you, they only want your money.
TV can be used for life lessons
Thank you for this article. Lack of TV in my children’s life has made my life much easier! When children learn to use their imagination they are able to entertain themselves anywhere, anytime. Studies show that the flashing lights and changing camera angles inhibit concentration, shortening attention span. This makes it hard for a child to stick to something and constantly makes the caregiver the focus (“what can I do now?”).
I was raised in a TV watching family, but it was always my parents watching. Now, I can’t stand the background noise! My husband and I do watch two shows that we like during the week and an occasional movie, but always after the kids are sleeping. We enjoy reading, playing instruments and talking to each other.
My family is lucky enough to be in a community school that discourages television watching. It is a stark difference from our last school where movies were part of the daily routine. I have watched as my 4 year old child’s play has changed. Play used to be acting out scenes in movies and TV pretending to be the charaters and now she makes up her own stories and acts them out using her imagination. There is also no more (OK, limited) asking for toys marketed by movies and TV. But a simple, “sorry, we don’t buy those” seems to work.
Keep up the great articles – we really enjoy them!
Dear Steve
My daughter is 15 and is bullyed and has been since we moved here. We live in Arkansas. She is one of the few girls who is not in favor of having sex and allowing boys to grope her and so she is a “freak” in her school. But I think in the long run We have taught her more about self esteem and choosing wisely and resisting peer pressure. So she does not do drugs and thinks the kids who have to get drunk to have fun are immature. Even without TV the society places a lot of pressure to sexualize our young daughters.
I agree that too much TV can be detrimental. We got my son involved into sporting activities, and as long as it is light out I play catch with a baseball or football nearly every single day. When he was little we got a trampoleen, which got him outside and physically doing something. His friends loved the trampoleen and prefered playing on it than watching TV. The TV he does watch are sports generally. He has a playstation but prefers to play outside and be physcially active. He also gains tons of self esteem through his accomplishments in sports. ie. making a catch, hitting the ball etc. By being invloved in sports it also, gets him involved with other kids that are into physical activities as uposed to watching TV or hanging out on the street corner.
I truly believe that you have to get your children involved in an after school activity, wether it be sports or something else, and that will get them off the couch and doing things that build self esteem and positive relationships.
We have always controlled what our kids can watch and how much media is consumed by our children and ourselves. I believe that because of the limits imposed, our family is more thoughtful about what we choose watch and we get a good deal of satisfaction from it as well.
We have known children who are allowed to consume as many hours of tv, movies, and video games as they wish . Being with these kids drives my own family crazy. They have tv or movies on constantly but do not really watch. And my kids find endless video game playing to be so very boring.
My kids are now 13, 10 and 6. Their sense of appropriateness is strong. They actually choose not to play or watch inappropriate games or tv shows when they are visiting friends. They just don’t enjoy spectating mindlessly when there is so much fun to be had in the real world!
I have chosen to be very frank with my kids. I have told them that it is not just violence and sexual content and language but abilities that go into rating systems. I have explained that they will enjoy it so much more as an adult when they have the skills to succeed.
Another comment heard around my house: My son says, “Mom, my friend is on level X (imagine a really high number here) on a video game.” My response, “Wow. That is a huge accomplishment. I wonder how many hours of sitting on the couch it took him to get to that level.” My son always giggles and heads outside smiling!
great article. we dont have a tv but the computer can make pumkin out of our kids too.
we have a large family so by default all the kids chip in and help. however your idea of giving the kids responsibility with something they can show for really is a great trick. i remember when my 20 yr old son was 16 i gave him the priveledge/opportunity/responsibility of building our kitchen. bought it at home depot he snapped it together , installed it, the tiles and all. it made him feel like a man and ..act like a man.
i am going to buy some wood to give my 12 year old boy to make a nighttable for my 6 yr old girl.
thanks for your great articles and ideas.and encouragement to keep doing the right thing in these difficult times.
p.s can i have permission to reprint this for our kids school?
I am always surprised that a family can fit even an hour of tv into a day! By the time we do afterschool snacks, violin practice, a walk outside and my 8-year-old daughter and 4-year-old son get time to do something they love to do like knit or build a road for their cars or dance to some music or ride their bikes or shoot some hoops, it’s time for reading and bed-time! We are virtually TV free, and the biggest benefit I’ve noticed is that our youngest two have learned to PLAY together. Outside, inside, not always peacefully of course, but I have a feeling they’re building a lifetime connection by being each other’s greatest source of entertainment.
Wow, lots of words of wisdom you’ve posted here- thank you!
Marcy- I love that “Adventure Day” with disposable cameras idea; we are going to do that soon!
Cosseta- What else needs to be done in your household? Washing the car- inside and out, caring for the pets, baking, cooking (with an adult’s supervision, of course), painting the basement or old furniture, organizing last season’s clothing to be put away (Why does that take me about a month to do???), vacuuming, washing the counters (make sure you have non-toxic cleaning products!!), sewing on buttons, sewing labels onto items that will be taken to sports activities or camp, lawn and garden care, oh, there’s trillions of things to do over here!!
TV producers, by the way, have NO INTEREST in providing quality programming to your family. Their ONLY interest is in GATHERING VIEWERS for their commercials. That’s it! Therefore, the more obscene, ridiculous, outrageous, sexually explicit their programs are, the more viewers they can generally gather, and thus more profit.
I don’t buy the “my kids need TV to have a social life” argument. I was raised without TV. My friends could recite lines from old Brady Bunch episodes, Young Frankenstein and the like. I would laugh and then we would talk about something else, like books, boys or whatever else! If teens can only carry on conversation about TV, that is an argument for not watching it!
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends NO TV for children under age 2 and there are recommendations to increase that to age 3. This is due to research that shows the negative effects on the developing brain and links to obesity, ADHD, school failure, lower reading/language skills (and standardized test scores the more TV that is viewed), shorter attention span, and many other problems. Our young children need NO TV, and our older children need carefully selected shows to view, ideally with their parents, in very limited amounts.
Children also need to be taught “media literacy” and to be critical thinkers about what they see on TV and on commercials – help them to critically think about why and how the commercials succeed at trying to sell things you probably don’t need, and also about the contecnt on TV shows and distinguishing TV themes and stories from reality.
In a nutshell, I’m a fan of NO TV in the house until your youngest child is 3 years old, and then after that only a maximum of a half hour a day of quality programing that the parent approves of and monitors for content (and ideally talks to their child about after and during viewing). Along with that is the responsibility of parents to teach their children to be critical and selective TV viewers.
Signed, a mother of two and a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner who has seen the negative effects of too much TV over and over and over again in her patients!
I completely agree about NOT needing TV. I was also raised with very little TV and had friends with a set in every room of their homes. I never had (or wanted) a TV in my room until I was in college and even then the only time I had it on was for the news at night. And that was for a journalism class assignment. When I was in high school MTV was what everyone was talking about but I had no clue about the videos and I honestly did not care. I was still popular, had friends, boyfriends, didn’t give in to peer pressure, etc. I was always told that TV was a copout for parents that didn’t want to bother with their kids even if it is not intentional. I use that same standard with my kids now and it has made a huge difference in their lives. They love Xbox but it is limited to 20 minutes a day (if they do their chores and homework)and 30 minutes on the weekends. They get 1 movie a week and on Saturday morning they can watch 3 cartoon shows but that’s it. Both my boys have ADHD so it’s hard to get them focused on anything for very long (except TV and video games) but we all adapt and move on to the next thing. When their friends at school play power rangers (they’ve never seen it) they turn it into tag or red rover or something else. I truly believe that the lack of outside influences on their lives has turned them into future leaders and not sheep that do and say and want whatever they see on TV. They deal with the situation not just watch it. When my oldest was 4 he would say that he didn’t want to sit down on the couch and get a “bubble butt” (he thought that TV made your brain fall into your butt and make it big). TV has a HUGE impact on the obesity level in the United States as well as the crime rate, lack of family etc. Why do this to them? It may be harder for the parent to give up the TV then the kids but that’s what TVO is for:) Or use the money previously spent on cable for a trip to Disney World ($40 a month x 1 year is $480 which is passes for a family of 4). There are more memories there than there are with family movie night. It was for my family! I went 13 times by the time I graduated high school and loved every minute. I barely remember watching movies with my family…but I remember every detail of the vacations we took, the plays, operas, dinner shows, book signings, Broadway shows, musicals, and so much more that we did. When I started first grade my favorite past time was acting out Shakespeare plays and playing Mozart on the piano. When my son’s friend asked me who Mozart was I about passed out. It’s so sad (and scary) that this is happening and these kids have no way to learn any differently. They are literally being raised by the television. It can be a worse addiction than drugs and the worst part is that it’s legal and society says it’s OK for our children to be subjected this addiction. As for the laborers before the cotton gin being “enslaved” comment from earlier…those people that lost their jobs from the invention supported their families the best way they knew how at the time. Those were EXTREMELY hard times and hard work was a way of life. It’s horrible to think about but when many of them lost their jobs they were subjected to starvation, lack of medicine, inability to keep their families together, and even death. It may be offensive to mention it but it is a fact. A machine did take over their jobs and I’m sure those families were not thinking about being “enslaved” and offending anyone 100+ years later when their loved ones were starving and they were begging for money on the streets to stay alive. The point is to not put your child in that situation by giving him nothing to expand his mind with. Reasoning goes a long way in life and without it many do not survive in the real world.
Some activities my boys enjoy include:
cutting up carrots or potatoes or apples with a serated-edge table knife on a cutting board, to cook for dinner;
wiping baseboards with a rag;
cleaning sinks and mirrors in the bathrooms;
sorting laundry and putting it into the washer to wash (together);
watering plants outdoors with the garden hose (this usually ends up watering two boys, too);
getting the mail (this job I monitor);
using the feather dusters on the ceiling fans, etc, preliminary to my vacuuming a room.
My boys enjoy to do these jobs while we are working together. That doesn’t mean I have to do the job, it just means that they like me to be in the room with them while we work and converse together.
I appreciate all the comments on tasks others have successfully assigned to their children. I would like to hear others that you parents have successfully gotten your children to do, too. We keep the TV off most of the time in this home, too.
I also have a comment about bullying from other children because your child is different. If we teach our children they can’t do something because we SAY they can’t, as their parents, then we can expect that they might suffer as a result of it. BUT, if we teach our children the principles between right and wrong and hold out to them the standards our family upholds, then they will be able to make their own decisions and stand up for themselves, now and in the future when they might be on their own for making their own decisions about doing or not doing something. In other words, if they stand up from a TV show at a friends house and say, “I’m not watching this, it’s about people killing people and it’s too violent for me”; they’re not going to stand a chance for being ridiculed because of saying: “I have to leave now, I’m not allowed to watch TV shows like this”. Also, sometimes, our adolescents will make their own decisions when they reach their years of self-discovery, too, and unless we’ve taught them the principles of why something is right or wrong, they might just go against our family rules, to begin exercising their independence.
Yours,
Sonja
Love the article! I will agree with Steve from Wisconsin: it is difficult to continue keeping our children, boys in particular, from these violent images and “heroes” once they start school. I was dismayed to see teachers in my son’s kindergarten class using items with Power Rangers printed on them during a math game. I have a hard time letting my 7yo son go to friends houses where I know the TV will be on non-stop the entire time he is there, and most likely on something that I would NOT approve of. I just today was helping with our schools Scholastic Book Fair and was saddened by what the kids were choosing to put on their wish lists (Pokemon, Avatar, X-Men etc.). I guess I’m disgusted by the fact that Scholastic even carries such junk. Whatever happend to the book fair being about exposure to good books??
One thing that I find to be a large part of the self esteem issue regarding a lot of television is a serious lackof self accountability, otherwise known as responsibility. I see it with my step-son who is 10 who comes over to spend the night once a week. At his mom’s house he and his sister watch a great deal of television and also play a lot of computer games which are also geared towards entertainment rather than personal growth, including growth in social skills. WHen they are used to being in front of a screan, whether it be television or computer, they only know how to interact with a machine, thus they are more impatient with other people and display more violence. They also display more sociopath like behavior as they care little or nothing for consequences for their actions as they treat situations they cause like they have no substantiality. When there was no television or computer families bonded a lot more and they grew up with more solid friendships, more stable dating relationships and much more wholesome marriages. I’ve often wished we could return to the horse and buggy days and stay there so we could return to focussing on what is really important, human relationships and a connection with our creator God that seems to be lost in the culture of our day.
I am thankful for this site. I have a daughter who is almost a teen. We have talked about how the media, including t.v. can impact our beliefs if we let them. A teen might think being sexy is what life is about when our daughters have so much more value than that! T.V. bombards kids with this kind of thing all the time. No, we don’t think it’s cute for preteens to have boy friends. It seems as time goes on so do values. My daughter loves to read and be outside. We often go to the library.
I regret that we have let our son play so many video games. His imagination and ability to socialize has been affected. We are trying to turn this around. It would have been so much easier to have been more vigilant in the beginning. We are all here enjoying this site because we are parents who care and love our kids. I am thankful to have kids to enjoy!
I too found it incredibly ironic that this was sponsored by a TV media corporation. In fact, I failed to read the article because of my distraction with this complete lack of integrity to values. Herein lies one of the fundamental issues with having a belief but not being willing to practice the upholding of the belief. And I’m not just talking about this website or about TV. This is but one example. I would pose a question – even a challenge – to all those parents who admitted your child gets too much screen time (TV, computers, video games). Turn it off, leave it off, throw it away, and don’t replace it. I know, the family would throw a fit is your arguement against it right? Not for long. My daught was 6 when we got rid of the TV. Shes 15. It has never once crossed our minds to get another one. It truly is not any more difficult than insisting your family eats vegetables, or sleeps enough at night. Not only is it your right as a parent to make that decision, but it is your responsibility.
Thank you. I needed this. My 3 small children watch way too much TV and I know it affects them badly. We decided to throw it out a few months ago and didn’t do it immediately. Guess what…it’s still here and viewing time has spiked back to hours a day. It has to go! I totally agree with the sentiment that if we don’t do it now we’ll have a harder time later. The comment that it’s like insisting kids eat veggies is so true. We KNOW what’s good for them. We wouln’t give them candy instead of food just because it keeps them quiet right? We KNOW it is hurting them and yet we keep doing it which does nothing for our parenting self esteem. I rationalise it over and over but the bottom line is I feel bad about it and need to uphold my values and be strong through the ‘withdrawal’ period. Good luck to everyone trying to eliminate TV and know you are not alone!
We have been free from cable for about 8 years, and free of any network TV for about 2-3 years. Praise God!! We do have a VCR, DVD player, and a tv…. but we greatly limit the viewing time…….and I agree that the more it stays off, the easier it is. My husband and 4 out of 5 of my children would literally watch all day if possible, but we are very careful to pay atention to how much we watch, and it really does push the family to interact with each other more, and also read more etc…I ususally read aloud, and we like to watch “Little House on the Prairie” ( a friend loaned us the complete series on dvd), so we will watch an episode every other night or so. And yes, there is criticism from people for our decisions about WHAT, and how much we watch!! But my God only gives us one chance to be parents, and I only wish we had limited the tv when the older 2 kids were much younger (my 15 yo son likes tv WAY too much!!). Thanks for allowing me to comment on something so important to our families and society in general!
Wow! Sad…True…shocking…not surprising we have to admit!
Of course kids a while back had chores but I know that all of us parents can ‘creatively’ think up some chores that our kids may help out with.
Our son, who is almost 5, does a room trash can collection on the night before it is trash day. We give him a large bag to collect everything from all the little room bins. It is a great accomplishment for him and easy too.
Both of our kids, 3+ and almost 5 fight over who gets to empty the silverware from the dishwasher to the drawer when the cycle is done. It’s actually kind of cute to see how each of them have their own ‘categorizing’ for some items.
Helping dad with watering the fruit trees is always a great one as well as watering some outdoor plans with a plastic watering can. If you get your kids to be a part of the whole process process(go together to Home Depot before planting season and have your child pick their veggies, herbs etc.) they take more pride and responsibility. They will love the results too!
Very young kids can easily empty the dryer unto the bed before folding or help sort the folded piles into the rooms they belong.
Now, all these examples don’t mean that my kids do it ALL the time. However, here and there infusing them with responsibility and mini chores makes them feel strong inside much more than watching super heroes as well as Maisy or Noddy.
Family reading time can be a ‘chore’ too! You decide on a designated time that everyone in the room reads. Magazines, newspaper, comics, stories…reading alone or reading aloud. No phones or other media is allowed in the background. We as parents need to practice what we preach! The kids should see you reading LIVE and not just know that thier parents is literate! In the same respect there should not be any tv sports game going on during dinner time because…it’s dinner time! It should not matter whose team is playing, alumni shmalumni!
As parents, we try hard to do the right thing and lead our kids onto the right path for things. Yes, we may have fallen for the Baby Einstein videos at a very young age. But those are good and they did the pacifying as well as didactic job needed at the time.
As the kids grow, we should be able to strike the right balance for tv vs. other things. There is too much tv (and you know exactly if you are allowing your kids too much tv!), maybe nothing for some families during the week, and 1 whatever works for you! Even when my husband and I watch tv after the kids are asleep, we know deep inside that beyond the news we are somewhat frying our brains too because we excuse it as ‘down time’. There is only that much input possible after hours…with or without popcorn or martinis.
… and back to reading…if you are really tired reading a book is so much better than falling asleep on the sofa and then having to go to bed!
p.s. Golden rule….no bedroom tv’s!
It’s nice to see that we are all in the same boat. Enjoy the ride! Thank you everyone for sharing.