Comments on: Self-Esteem, the Industrial Revolution, & TV

By: Sara

Sara — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 14:35:14 +0000

Everyone brings up good points here. TV in moderation is ok, but try going without for a week and see the improvement of your kids’ attitudes! We no longer have the TV on while the kids are awake, unless it is a special pizza and movie night which we try to do once a week.
I think the point this article is trying to make about the past is: the kids were involved in their family. They helped with the chores, and to give them something to do (be it small in our eyes) is huge in theirs! And that in turn gave them self esteem to accomplish things on their own.
Just this morning, my 4 year old asked if he could put his little brother’s shoes on. Of course! He wants to help, and I know he can do these things. Taking his dishes to the sink, “folding” laundry, feeding the dog, helping me in the garden. All of these little things mean so much to our little ones.
We have started a sticker chart – when he makes his bed, cleans up his toys, takes his laundry from his room to the laundry room, this all qualifies for a sticker. When the chart is filled – he gets to pick something to do off a pre-made list. Family night, park night, movie night, go-out-to-eat night, a DS game, a new tractor, date night with mom – all of these little rewards show them that their time is important to us, and it teaches them responsibilities, which will give them the real-life coping skills.
Great article

By: Sara Umm Sakina

Sara Umm Sakina — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 23:16:14 +0000

This is one of my most passionate subjects. This article presents another reason i never considered why television is detrimental to children. Many friends and family do not understand my aversion to TV. Not only do my children NOT watch TV we don’t even have that new digital box required to get channels. First, analog worked just fine there was no need to upgrade and require everyone to have a box in their home. I have my suspicions about that but that’s another subject. Even for me as an adult, when we have TV i will watch it hours, such as Law and Order and my reading vastly decreases when we have TV. I love to read. Even when we had free cable i would get rid of it because the children and i would spend hours watching it and there wasnt even anything good on. Not to mention the many commercials they are bombarded with of all the “things” they just have to have.
Most families who have a tv have a hard time getting rid of it because they have to fill that immense time. I have a really good book for substituting TV time and i am sure there are more out there and free ideas on the internet. The book is : 365 TV free activities you can do with your child. Also here is a lengthy but very compelling article by a scientist mom on the scientific proofs against TV: http://muslimsguide2thewelltrainedmind.wordpress.com/2009/08/02/scientific-proofs-against-tv/ I would highly recommend it, especially for pro TV parents.
There are some good educational shows out there such as some PBS and animal planet but they are very few. I wish there were more articles about the negative aspects of television on our children. Thanks!

By: Ana

Ana — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 19:43:54 +0000

It’s true. What role do my children play and how important do they feel as part of the family??

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By: Lisa

Lisa — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 23:34:29 +0000

Thanks Sirena, your comment I have to agree with. There are so many good and creative/ informational programs that the family can enjoy and learn from. Being interactive with your children, discussing what is appropriate and not appropriate behavior is necessary. We have trained our children (and continue to) in using this “tool” wisely. As a family, we love to watch Funniest Home Videos together (although sometimes we have to turn it off when there are slightly inapproapriate family scenes).
TV can be fun and educational, a tool to catch up with the international and local news, or learn about the world around us in a visual way (ex. Animal Planet or Discovery Channel) but it simply should not take the place for creative personal, or interactive family time.
We have recently switched to DIRECT TV, for 2 reasons…because GOD TV has recently been added to their programming. There are several other Christian channel choices as well. We now are able to watch wonderful Christian teaching and programming for the whole family, which helps us to grow spiritually. Secondly, with Direct TV you can record special programs or movies and then watch them later, fast-forwarding through all the nasty, time-waster commercials… So there is value to be found in TV programming, you just have to pick and choose wisely, and teach self-discipline, draw very clear boundaries and define moral values so that our children learn to make wise decisions as they grow into adult-hood. Then they are not just obeying under an authoritarian atmosphere, but rather out of love, understanding, and knowledge. Our children know when it’s time to turn off the TV or computor, their conscience are still tender and responsive. They may need a reminder, but they respond positively and in agreement with it because we are involved in every aspect of their lives.

By: Sirena

Sirena — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 13:46:29 +0000

Hi Everyone,

That article did make alot of sense depending on the program I allow my child to watch. Animal Planet and some others like TLC (at times) and the Discovery Channel have some really great programs with alot of inspirational and educational topics in them. My point is that television can be a gift depending on what my child is viewing, I have to be involved in what I allow mine to watch and if she may see something that is not very nice, we talk about that and make sure we understand that it’s not appropriate behavior.
I have learned that what they watch, they tend to mimic. Reading books and playing video games are included.

What we take into ourselves, by reading or seeing becomes part of us, and those experiences shape how we see the world around us.

By: lea

lea — Sun, 03 Dec 2006 19:12:04 +0000

I am very glad to read your article about TV. I think the #1 thing we can do to improve the lives of our children (particularly under 10 yrs.) is eliminate the television altogether. I say this from knowing many families who have done just this and enjoyed results beyond what they had hoped and expected.

Lea

By: Helen Pacheco

Helen Pacheco — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 06:30:06 +0000

I agree that there is a definite down side to too much TV, however I don’t believe in idolizing the lifes of children in the past. I am originally from rural Wisconsin and kids were often SLAVES on farms until truancy board enforced mandatory school attendance in the 50′s. My own grandparents worked so much that there was no time for activities like reading or playing. Books like Clara and the Bookwagon bring up that important point and my 7 year old daughter and I have discussed it.

To be honest, we love our media but we consciously decide what we consume. For our history units, we often see those old, long movies like Ben Hur, The Ten Commandments, The Robe, etc. My now 7 year old loved Dragon Tales and Clifford and with a switch of a button, we could watch both in Spanish which was important because that is our second language and the only other time she would hear it was from her Father during the day. She also loved sing along tapes and I feel that her language really benefitted from this educational interaction. Now my 2 year old daughter has absolutely NO interest in what is happening on a screen so we just let her play with what does interest her. She is much more physical, interactive and hands on. We are also far from “couch potatoes” and make time to play every day outside, take the dog for walks or go on play dates. Like everything, I feel moderation is the key.

By: Sigi

Sigi — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 05:13:59 +0000

Wow! Sad…True…shocking…not surprising we have to admit!
Of course kids a while back had chores but I know that all of us parents can ‘creatively’ think up some chores that our kids may help out with.
Our son, who is almost 5, does a room trash can collection on the night before it is trash day. We give him a large bag to collect everything from all the little room bins. It is a great accomplishment for him and easy too.
Both of our kids, 3+ and almost 5 fight over who gets to empty the silverware from the dishwasher to the drawer when the cycle is done. It’s actually kind of cute to see how each of them have their own ‘categorizing’ for some items.
Helping dad with watering the fruit trees is always a great one as well as watering some outdoor plans with a plastic watering can. If you get your kids to be a part of the whole process process(go together to Home Depot before planting season and have your child pick their veggies, herbs etc.) they take more pride and responsibility. They will love the results too!
Very young kids can easily empty the dryer unto the bed before folding or help sort the folded piles into the rooms they belong.
Now, all these examples don’t mean that my kids do it ALL the time. However, here and there infusing them with responsibility and mini chores makes them feel strong inside much more than watching super heroes as well as Maisy or Noddy.
Family reading time can be a ‘chore’ too! You decide on a designated time that everyone in the room reads. Magazines, newspaper, comics, stories…reading alone or reading aloud. No phones or other media is allowed in the background. We as parents need to practice what we preach! The kids should see you reading LIVE and not just know that thier parents is literate! In the same respect there should not be any tv sports game going on during dinner time because…it’s dinner time! It should not matter whose team is playing, alumni shmalumni!
As parents, we try hard to do the right thing and lead our kids onto the right path for things. Yes, we may have fallen for the Baby Einstein videos at a very young age. But those are good and they did the pacifying as well as didactic job needed at the time.
As the kids grow, we should be able to strike the right balance for tv vs. other things. There is too much tv (and you know exactly if you are allowing your kids too much tv!), maybe nothing for some families during the week, and 1 whatever works for you! Even when my husband and I watch tv after the kids are asleep, we know deep inside that beyond the news we are somewhat frying our brains too because we excuse it as ‘down time’. There is only that much input possible after hours…with or without popcorn or martinis.
… and back to reading…if you are really tired reading a book is so much better than falling asleep on the sofa and then having to go to bed!
p.s. Golden rule….no bedroom tv’s!

It’s nice to see that we are all in the same boat. Enjoy the ride! Thank you everyone for sharing.

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 21:46:42 +0000

We have been free from cable for about 8 years, and free of any network TV for about 2-3 years. Praise God!! We do have a VCR, DVD player, and a tv…. but we greatly limit the viewing time…….and I agree that the more it stays off, the easier it is. My husband and 4 out of 5 of my children would literally watch all day if possible, but we are very careful to pay atention to how much we watch, and it really does push the family to interact with each other more, and also read more etc…I ususally read aloud, and we like to watch “Little House on the Prairie” ( a friend loaned us the complete series on dvd), so we will watch an episode every other night or so. And yes, there is criticism from people for our decisions about WHAT, and how much we watch!! But my God only gives us one chance to be parents, and I only wish we had limited the tv when the older 2 kids were much younger (my 15 yo son likes tv WAY too much!!). Thanks for allowing me to comment on something so important to our families and society in general!

By: Tara

Tara — Sat, 07 Oct 2006 06:27:36 +0000

Thank you. I needed this. My 3 small children watch way too much TV and I know it affects them badly. We decided to throw it out a few months ago and didn’t do it immediately. Guess what…it’s still here and viewing time has spiked back to hours a day. It has to go! I totally agree with the sentiment that if we don’t do it now we’ll have a harder time later. The comment that it’s like insisting kids eat veggies is so true. We KNOW what’s good for them. We wouln’t give them candy instead of food just because it keeps them quiet right? We KNOW it is hurting them and yet we keep doing it which does nothing for our parenting self esteem. I rationalise it over and over but the bottom line is I feel bad about it and need to uphold my values and be strong through the ‘withdrawal’ period. Good luck to everyone trying to eliminate TV and know you are not alone!

By: Noelle M

Noelle M — Fri, 06 Oct 2006 06:17:50 +0000

I too found it incredibly ironic that this was sponsored by a TV media corporation. In fact, I failed to read the article because of my distraction with this complete lack of integrity to values. Herein lies one of the fundamental issues with having a belief but not being willing to practice the upholding of the belief. And I’m not just talking about this website or about TV. This is but one example. I would pose a question – even a challenge – to all those parents who admitted your child gets too much screen time (TV, computers, video games). Turn it off, leave it off, throw it away, and don’t replace it. I know, the family would throw a fit is your arguement against it right? Not for long. My daught was 6 when we got rid of the TV. Shes 15. It has never once crossed our minds to get another one. It truly is not any more difficult than insisting your family eats vegetables, or sleeps enough at night. Not only is it your right as a parent to make that decision, but it is your responsibility.

By: Celia

Celia — Thu, 05 Oct 2006 04:46:58 +0000

I am thankful for this site. I have a daughter who is almost a teen. We have talked about how the media, including t.v. can impact our beliefs if we let them. A teen might think being sexy is what life is about when our daughters have so much more value than that! T.V. bombards kids with this kind of thing all the time. No, we don’t think it’s cute for preteens to have boy friends. It seems as time goes on so do values. My daughter loves to read and be outside. We often go to the library.
I regret that we have let our son play so many video games. His imagination and ability to socialize has been affected. We are trying to turn this around. It would have been so much easier to have been more vigilant in the beginning. We are all here enjoying this site because we are parents who care and love our kids. I am thankful to have kids to enjoy!

By: Susan N. Gallant

Susan N. Gallant — Thu, 05 Oct 2006 02:40:48 +0000

One thing that I find to be a large part of the self esteem issue regarding a lot of television is a serious lackof self accountability, otherwise known as responsibility. I see it with my step-son who is 10 who comes over to spend the night once a week. At his mom’s house he and his sister watch a great deal of television and also play a lot of computer games which are also geared towards entertainment rather than personal growth, including growth in social skills. WHen they are used to being in front of a screan, whether it be television or computer, they only know how to interact with a machine, thus they are more impatient with other people and display more violence. They also display more sociopath like behavior as they care little or nothing for consequences for their actions as they treat situations they cause like they have no substantiality. When there was no television or computer families bonded a lot more and they grew up with more solid friendships, more stable dating relationships and much more wholesome marriages. I’ve often wished we could return to the horse and buggy days and stay there so we could return to focussing on what is really important, human relationships and a connection with our creator God that seems to be lost in the culture of our day.

By: Marianna

Marianna — Thu, 05 Oct 2006 01:57:11 +0000

Love the article! I will agree with Steve from Wisconsin: it is difficult to continue keeping our children, boys in particular, from these violent images and “heroes” once they start school. I was dismayed to see teachers in my son’s kindergarten class using items with Power Rangers printed on them during a math game. I have a hard time letting my 7yo son go to friends houses where I know the TV will be on non-stop the entire time he is there, and most likely on something that I would NOT approve of. I just today was helping with our schools Scholastic Book Fair and was saddened by what the kids were choosing to put on their wish lists (Pokemon, Avatar, X-Men etc.). I guess I’m disgusted by the fact that Scholastic even carries such junk. Whatever happend to the book fair being about exposure to good books??

By: Sonja

Sonja — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 23:20:00 +0000

Some activities my boys enjoy include:
cutting up carrots or potatoes or apples with a serated-edge table knife on a cutting board, to cook for dinner;
wiping baseboards with a rag;
cleaning sinks and mirrors in the bathrooms;
sorting laundry and putting it into the washer to wash (together);
watering plants outdoors with the garden hose (this usually ends up watering two boys, too);
getting the mail (this job I monitor);
using the feather dusters on the ceiling fans, etc, preliminary to my vacuuming a room.
My boys enjoy to do these jobs while we are working together. That doesn’t mean I have to do the job, it just means that they like me to be in the room with them while we work and converse together.
I appreciate all the comments on tasks others have successfully assigned to their children. I would like to hear others that you parents have successfully gotten your children to do, too. We keep the TV off most of the time in this home, too.
I also have a comment about bullying from other children because your child is different. If we teach our children they can’t do something because we SAY they can’t, as their parents, then we can expect that they might suffer as a result of it. BUT, if we teach our children the principles between right and wrong and hold out to them the standards our family upholds, then they will be able to make their own decisions and stand up for themselves, now and in the future when they might be on their own for making their own decisions about doing or not doing something. In other words, if they stand up from a TV show at a friends house and say, “I’m not watching this, it’s about people killing people and it’s too violent for me”; they’re not going to stand a chance for being ridiculed because of saying: “I have to leave now, I’m not allowed to watch TV shows like this”. Also, sometimes, our adolescents will make their own decisions when they reach their years of self-discovery, too, and unless we’ve taught them the principles of why something is right or wrong, they might just go against our family rules, to begin exercising their independence.
Yours,
Sonja

By: Jennie

Jennie — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 20:25:58 +0000

I completely agree about NOT needing TV. I was also raised with very little TV and had friends with a set in every room of their homes. I never had (or wanted) a TV in my room until I was in college and even then the only time I had it on was for the news at night. And that was for a journalism class assignment. When I was in high school MTV was what everyone was talking about but I had no clue about the videos and I honestly did not care. I was still popular, had friends, boyfriends, didn’t give in to peer pressure, etc. I was always told that TV was a copout for parents that didn’t want to bother with their kids even if it is not intentional. I use that same standard with my kids now and it has made a huge difference in their lives. They love Xbox but it is limited to 20 minutes a day (if they do their chores and homework)and 30 minutes on the weekends. They get 1 movie a week and on Saturday morning they can watch 3 cartoon shows but that’s it. Both my boys have ADHD so it’s hard to get them focused on anything for very long (except TV and video games) but we all adapt and move on to the next thing. When their friends at school play power rangers (they’ve never seen it) they turn it into tag or red rover or something else. I truly believe that the lack of outside influences on their lives has turned them into future leaders and not sheep that do and say and want whatever they see on TV. They deal with the situation not just watch it. When my oldest was 4 he would say that he didn’t want to sit down on the couch and get a “bubble butt” (he thought that TV made your brain fall into your butt and make it big). TV has a HUGE impact on the obesity level in the United States as well as the crime rate, lack of family etc. Why do this to them? It may be harder for the parent to give up the TV then the kids but that’s what TVO is for:) Or use the money previously spent on cable for a trip to Disney World ($40 a month x 1 year is $480 which is passes for a family of 4). There are more memories there than there are with family movie night. It was for my family! I went 13 times by the time I graduated high school and loved every minute. I barely remember watching movies with my family…but I remember every detail of the vacations we took, the plays, operas, dinner shows, book signings, Broadway shows, musicals, and so much more that we did. When I started first grade my favorite past time was acting out Shakespeare plays and playing Mozart on the piano. When my son’s friend asked me who Mozart was I about passed out. It’s so sad (and scary) that this is happening and these kids have no way to learn any differently. They are literally being raised by the television. It can be a worse addiction than drugs and the worst part is that it’s legal and society says it’s OK for our children to be subjected this addiction. As for the laborers before the cotton gin being “enslaved” comment from earlier…those people that lost their jobs from the invention supported their families the best way they knew how at the time. Those were EXTREMELY hard times and hard work was a way of life. It’s horrible to think about but when many of them lost their jobs they were subjected to starvation, lack of medicine, inability to keep their families together, and even death. It may be offensive to mention it but it is a fact. A machine did take over their jobs and I’m sure those families were not thinking about being “enslaved” and offending anyone 100+ years later when their loved ones were starving and they were begging for money on the streets to stay alive. The point is to not put your child in that situation by giving him nothing to expand his mind with. Reasoning goes a long way in life and without it many do not survive in the real world.

By: Stephanie B

Stephanie B — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 18:55:36 +0000

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends NO TV for children under age 2 and there are recommendations to increase that to age 3. This is due to research that shows the negative effects on the developing brain and links to obesity, ADHD, school failure, lower reading/language skills (and standardized test scores the more TV that is viewed), shorter attention span, and many other problems. Our young children need NO TV, and our older children need carefully selected shows to view, ideally with their parents, in very limited amounts.

Children also need to be taught “media literacy” and to be critical thinkers about what they see on TV and on commercials – help them to critically think about why and how the commercials succeed at trying to sell things you probably don’t need, and also about the contecnt on TV shows and distinguishing TV themes and stories from reality.

In a nutshell, I’m a fan of NO TV in the house until your youngest child is 3 years old, and then after that only a maximum of a half hour a day of quality programing that the parent approves of and monitors for content (and ideally talks to their child about after and during viewing). Along with that is the responsibility of parents to teach their children to be critical and selective TV viewers.

Signed, a mother of two and a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner who has seen the negative effects of too much TV over and over and over again in her patients!

By: Carrie

Carrie — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 17:47:32 +0000

I don’t buy the “my kids need TV to have a social life” argument. I was raised without TV. My friends could recite lines from old Brady Bunch episodes, Young Frankenstein and the like. I would laugh and then we would talk about something else, like books, boys or whatever else! If teens can only carry on conversation about TV, that is an argument for not watching it!

By: Ellen C. Braun

Ellen C. Braun — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 17:43:09 +0000

Wow, lots of words of wisdom you’ve posted here- thank you!

Marcy- I love that “Adventure Day” with disposable cameras idea; we are going to do that soon!

Cosseta- What else needs to be done in your household? Washing the car- inside and out, caring for the pets, baking, cooking (with an adult’s supervision, of course), painting the basement or old furniture, organizing last season’s clothing to be put away (Why does that take me about a month to do???), vacuuming, washing the counters (make sure you have non-toxic cleaning products!!), sewing on buttons, sewing labels onto items that will be taken to sports activities or camp, lawn and garden care, oh, there’s trillions of things to do over here!!

TV producers, by the way, have NO INTEREST in providing quality programming to your family. Their ONLY interest is in GATHERING VIEWERS for their commercials. That’s it! Therefore, the more obscene, ridiculous, outrageous, sexually explicit their programs are, the more viewers they can generally gather, and thus more profit.

By: Susanna

Susanna — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 17:02:10 +0000

I am always surprised that a family can fit even an hour of tv into a day! By the time we do afterschool snacks, violin practice, a walk outside and my 8-year-old daughter and 4-year-old son get time to do something they love to do like knit or build a road for their cars or dance to some music or ride their bikes or shoot some hoops, it’s time for reading and bed-time! We are virtually TV free, and the biggest benefit I’ve noticed is that our youngest two have learned to PLAY together. Outside, inside, not always peacefully of course, but I have a feeling they’re building a lifetime connection by being each other’s greatest source of entertainment.

By: esther

esther — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 16:50:42 +0000

great article. we dont have a tv but the computer can make pumkin out of our kids too.
we have a large family so by default all the kids chip in and help. however your idea of giving the kids responsibility with something they can show for really is a great trick. i remember when my 20 yr old son was 16 i gave him the priveledge/opportunity/responsibility of building our kitchen. bought it at home depot he snapped it together , installed it, the tiles and all. it made him feel like a man and ..act like a man.
i am going to buy some wood to give my 12 year old boy to make a nighttable for my 6 yr old girl.
thanks for your great articles and ideas.and encouragement to keep doing the right thing in these difficult times.
p.s can i have permission to reprint this for our kids school?

By: Robbie

Robbie — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 16:44:34 +0000

We have always controlled what our kids can watch and how much media is consumed by our children and ourselves. I believe that because of the limits imposed, our family is more thoughtful about what we choose watch and we get a good deal of satisfaction from it as well.
We have known children who are allowed to consume as many hours of tv, movies, and video games as they wish . Being with these kids drives my own family crazy. They have tv or movies on constantly but do not really watch. And my kids find endless video game playing to be so very boring.
My kids are now 13, 10 and 6. Their sense of appropriateness is strong. They actually choose not to play or watch inappropriate games or tv shows when they are visiting friends. They just don’t enjoy spectating mindlessly when there is so much fun to be had in the real world!
I have chosen to be very frank with my kids. I have told them that it is not just violence and sexual content and language but abilities that go into rating systems. I have explained that they will enjoy it so much more as an adult when they have the skills to succeed.
Another comment heard around my house: My son says, “Mom, my friend is on level X (imagine a really high number here) on a video game.” My response, “Wow. That is a huge accomplishment. I wonder how many hours of sitting on the couch it took him to get to that level.” My son always giggles and heads outside smiling!

By: Mark K.

Mark K. — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 15:52:05 +0000

I agree that too much TV can be detrimental. We got my son involved into sporting activities, and as long as it is light out I play catch with a baseball or football nearly every single day. When he was little we got a trampoleen, which got him outside and physically doing something. His friends loved the trampoleen and prefered playing on it than watching TV. The TV he does watch are sports generally. He has a playstation but prefers to play outside and be physcially active. He also gains tons of self esteem through his accomplishments in sports. ie. making a catch, hitting the ball etc. By being invloved in sports it also, gets him involved with other kids that are into physical activities as uposed to watching TV or hanging out on the street corner.

I truly believe that you have to get your children involved in an after school activity, wether it be sports or something else, and that will get them off the couch and doing things that build self esteem and positive relationships.

By: Liane G

Liane G — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 15:48:53 +0000

Dear Steve
My daughter is 15 and is bullyed and has been since we moved here. We live in Arkansas. She is one of the few girls who is not in favor of having sex and allowing boys to grope her and so she is a “freak” in her school. But I think in the long run We have taught her more about self esteem and choosing wisely and resisting peer pressure. So she does not do drugs and thinks the kids who have to get drunk to have fun are immature. Even without TV the society places a lot of pressure to sexualize our young daughters.