Thanks

It amazes me how many children I see in my child’s school who have not been taught how to behave… i.e., how you may address peers, teachers, adults, etc., and how you may NOT. Letting your child get away with that is NOT loving them. Ultimately it will harm them and your entire family.

To say they’re just little kids and don’t know any better is a ridiculous cop out. I am not a drill sergeant or extreme disciplinarian. However, I laid down the law (one of very few, actually) at an early age that unless the ‘rules of engagement’ were followed, there would be adverse consequences.

For example, my son knows that if he asks my permission (or for a toy) and the answer is “no”, arguing will positively seal the deal. He knows that, by principle, I cannot reward arguing or nagging, since my boss is God, and it is my job to raise my son to ultimately become a successful adult. Adults (at least the real ones) do not argue to get their way or nag when they haven’t gotten what they want in the desired time frame.

Most often, if my answer is no, I will give him a reason if he wants one. Because I pick my battles and prefer he make many of his decisions for himself, now, he will normally accept it. If he feels strongly, he will ask me, “Are you open to discussing your decision on X?” It is far less emotionally charged and less impulsive. On occasion, I do change my mind when he is able to show me he has thought about my reasons for saying no in the first place and can provide thought out, responsible reasoning. This took years to develop and evolve… but arguing and nagging has NEVER worked.

When I hear children addressing each other (or worse yet adults) inappropriately, it makes me wonder what the parent is doing besides parenting. Manicures? Bunco groups? Or just trying to hard to be their buddy instead of their PARENT?!?

It’s not about just soaking in and borderline worshipping our kids. We are the adults… the life instructors.. and we have a serious responsibility to teach them how to grow into decent human beings… not little tyrants. It sounds like the mother is letting her little boy run the house, and that she feels helpless. How old is she?? Time to grow up and step to the plate. Only when we are in the FULL parent role can children feel safe to relax and be kids. No kid can parent himself, even partially, until we’ve taught them FIRST. That needs to be taught by example, and with constant, participative involvement.