Comments on: Advice for the Tough Times http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/ Timeless Parenting Advice for Toddlers through Teenagers Tue, 07 Feb 2012 02:06:21 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Jo-Anne http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-45205 Jo-Anne Fri, 29 Aug 2008 18:43:43 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-45205 Dear ALL (Esp. Frances) I have been through much of what you all are going through and know it can be HELL raising children. There are no PAT ANSWERS that resolve all the problems, unfortunately. I PRAISE the mothers who are determined to continue loving their children unconditionally. However, I also agree that CONDITIONS for behavior in relationships IS necessary to a degree - otherwise kids get the wrong ideas about RESPECT & RESPONSIBILITY. This does them no good in REAL LIFE. LOVE is GREAT - BUT ... 'LOVE' IS NOT ENOUGH. We need to show & model respect to our children and have them do the same ... even if imperfectly. When the basics of RESPECT are achieved, everything else has a chance to follow. These kids are sometimes hurting and lost, but they should not get away with treating their parents (and others) as dumping grounds for their frustrations ... at least not as a matter of habit & with no consequences. I have a 37 y.o. daughter who experienced & caused many difficulties in her teen years ... she is just now truly growing up and furthering her education. She now realizes that she wasted a lot of time. Yes, I hung in there, loved-loved-loved, could / should have done better, WAS part of the problem, etc. etc. However, mother-bashing (parent-bashing) is not helpful, any more than child abuse /neglect. I did not prepare her for the real world by allowing her disrespectful behavior, and this interfered with good, effective communication that could have resolved many problems. My heart is with you all. Yes, Love IS essential, but so is basic mutual respect. Dear ALL (Esp. Frances)
I have been through much of what you all are going through and know it can be HELL raising children. There are no PAT ANSWERS that resolve all the problems, unfortunately.

I PRAISE the mothers who are determined to continue loving their children unconditionally.

However, I also agree that CONDITIONS for behavior in relationships IS necessary to a degree – otherwise kids get the wrong ideas about RESPECT & RESPONSIBILITY. This does them no good in REAL LIFE.

LOVE is GREAT – BUT … ‘LOVE’ IS NOT ENOUGH.
We need to show & model respect to our children and have them do the same … even if imperfectly. When the basics of RESPECT are achieved, everything else has a chance to follow.

These kids are sometimes hurting and lost, but they should not get away with treating their parents (and others) as dumping grounds for their frustrations … at least not as a matter of habit & with no consequences.

I have a 37 y.o. daughter who experienced & caused many difficulties in her teen years … she is just now truly growing up and furthering her education. She now realizes that she wasted a lot of time.

Yes, I hung in there, loved-loved-loved, could / should have done better, WAS part of the problem, etc. etc. However, mother-bashing (parent-bashing) is not helpful, any more than child abuse /neglect.

I did not prepare her for the real world by allowing her disrespectful behavior, and this interfered with good, effective communication that could have resolved many problems.

My heart is with you all. Yes, Love IS essential, but so is basic mutual respect.

]]> By: Head Lice Be Gone - A Proven System. | 7Wins.eu http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-41799 Head Lice Be Gone - A Proven System. | 7Wins.eu Sun, 08 Jun 2008 09:00:42 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-41799 [...] Head Lice Be Gone – A Proven System. Description Head Louse Eradication & Prevention Program – Make Good Money As An Affilliate – 75% Commission. Excerpt from product page A Special Report for The Treatment of Head Lice ….. "Are you tearing your hair out trying to get rid of Head Louse ?  ….  if so, then this is going to be the most exciting information you've ever read ! ! I guarantee my method works. "           "I had been talking with a friend of mine who has had problems with head lice going around at her school. She explained that she and the other mothers had tried heaps of different products but the general consensus was that they never seemed to work even though they were expensive. 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They said that what I did to eradicate Head Lice would bring back sanity to millions of other homes throughout the world that are currently tormented by this pesky critter.   They told me that I owed it to society – to give all the other mums and dads in the world an easy night's rest knowing that their families do not have to live with the stigma of :         "I'm not allowed to be your friend 'cause you've got Nits !!"         "Go Away ! You're Dirty !!"         "Don't you wash your hair you filthy pig?" This e-book is a down to earth, Nuts & Bolts breakdown of how to rid yourself of the problem now and forever.   All you need to know to get control of your life again. Sounds great, doesn't it?                    I think "Head Louse Gone" is excellent. Very professional.  I also like that you "chat" to people with your own story. 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Email me by clicking here: Joy@HeadLiceBeGone.com Click Here To Download Now             (Download Is Available Immediately After Purchase!)     Sites you may be interested in Bay Area Bird Blog » Light Brown Apple Moth, one more time » Blog Archive » Advice for the Tough Times Tags of head lice head lice for head lice lice head to get rid of This product is also listed in Health & Fitness Alternative New Products Remedies Trends var html=”; html += ”; html += ‘ Gravity’; html += ‘ Popularity’; html += ‘ Referred’; html += ”; html += ”; html += ‘ ‘; html += ”; html += ”; html += ‘ ‘; html += ”; html += ”; html += ‘ ‘; html += ”; document.write(html); Pingback / Trackback In database since 2007-07-29 and last updated on 2008-06-07 Business to Business Education Publishing Industrial Management New Products Reports Promotion Web Design Health & Fitness Addiction Womens Health Spiritual Health Fitness Alternative Medicine Beauty Nutrition Mental Health New Products Diet Remedies Home & Family Cooking & Recipes Kids Garden Parenting Crafts Students & School Pets Marriage Family Tree New Products Home Improvement Real Estate Computing & Internet Network Administration Web Hosting New Products Browsers Programming Domains Site Design Email Services Graphics Money & Employment Debt Management Resume Education New Products Self Employment Investment Entrepreneur Home Business Finance Jobs Marketing & Ads Banners Submitters Classified Consulting How To's New Products Ezines Promotion Resources Fun & Entertainment Astrology Novels & eBooks Psychics Screensavers Games Tarot Music New Products Humor Magic Hobbies Sports & Recreation Autos New Products Golf Sports-picks Casino Training Team Sports Horseracing Extreme Outdoor Society & Culture Charity Language New Products Politics & Government Fine Arts Love & Romance Shopping Travel Investigation Law Enforcement Philosophy & Religion Science Random Synapse Stuff Fitz’s Cool Tools: Dannon Light & Fit 0% Plus Yogurt [...]

]]> By: Rita http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-40781 Rita Wed, 14 May 2008 09:18:51 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-40781 Kristi, I understand your problem. My son is 15 years old and just started high school this year. We moved this year and he hates his new school. He has no friends here and he is being bullied by several students. He was beaten up in the beginning of the year by another student and when I notified the school they stated there was nothing they could do because it was after school and not on school property. After I notified the school the name calling became worse. His self-esteem is so low, I don't know how to encourage him. I know he is depressed because all he wants to do is sleep. I don't know what to do to help him. I did look into counseling however there are only 2 in my area with a two month waiting period. We need prayers and advice!! Kristi, I understand your problem. My son is 15 years old and just started high school this year. We moved this year and he hates his new school. He has no friends here and he is being bullied by several students. He was beaten up in the beginning of the year by another student and when I notified the school they stated there was nothing they could do because it was after school and not on school property. After I notified the school the name calling became worse. His self-esteem is so low, I don’t know how to encourage him. I know he is depressed because all he wants to do is sleep. I don’t know what to do to help him. I did look into counseling however there are only 2 in my area with a two month waiting period. We need prayers and advice!!

]]> By: Kristi http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-34792 Kristi Tue, 04 Mar 2008 21:01:09 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-34792 I have a 14 year old daughter that has been going through the peer bullying for 3years now. I started out telling her to be the bigger person, to walk away and ignore it. I am now to the point of telling her to stand up and fight if that is what it takes. I am finding that the parents are no more mauture then the children and am reluctant to call them as I have tried it before and it made it worse for my daughter. I try extremely hard to not buy into the drama but it is getting really hard to keep from saying something. Any advice would be helpfull!!!! I have a 14 year old daughter that has been going through the peer bullying for 3years now. I started out telling her to be the bigger person, to walk away and ignore it. I am now to the point of telling her to stand up and fight if that is what it takes. I am finding that the parents are no more mauture then the children and am reluctant to call them as I have tried it before and it made it worse for my daughter. I try extremely hard to not buy into the drama but it is getting really hard to keep from saying something. Any advice would be helpfull!!!!

]]> By: Special Education Boarding Schools http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-33026 Special Education Boarding Schools Mon, 11 Feb 2008 00:31:43 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-33026 <strong>Two Orlando Schools In Trouble With State Board Of Education</strong> Two Orlando schools are in trouble with the State Board of Education. Both Evans and Jones High Schools have repeatedly failed the state's annual school grading system that is based on student scores on the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test. Evans... Two Orlando Schools In Trouble With State Board Of Education

Two Orlando schools are in trouble with the State Board of Education. Both Evans and Jones High Schools have repeatedly failed the state’s annual school grading system that is based on student scores on the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test. Evans…

]]> By: lucy http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-31881 lucy Thu, 24 Jan 2008 01:40:00 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-31881 Oh, dear Francis. What a difficult situation you have, and it does seem hopeless. I want to give you words to encourage, but I have none. I am mother of six, four are still home. The two teenagers, 17 and 15 are making me crazy. ANd their atitude rubs off on the 11 and 9. I left a very good job some 18 years ago to home school. Since then my health has deteriorated such that I am all but bed ridden. MS sucks. The teens complain that I can't do what they want and they have to do chores.The husband works two jobs and is very angry. He only knows how to yell at the kids. I'll pray for both os us and really hope He hears. Oh, dear Francis. What a difficult situation you have, and it does seem hopeless. I want to give you words to encourage, but I have none. I am mother of six, four are still home. The two teenagers, 17 and 15 are making me crazy. ANd their atitude rubs off on the 11 and 9. I left a very good job some 18 years ago to home school. Since then my health has deteriorated such that I am all but bed ridden. MS sucks.
The teens complain that I can’t do what they want and they have to do chores.The husband works two jobs and is very angry. He only knows how to yell at the kids.
I’ll pray for both os us and really hope He hears.

]]> By: Frances http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-31083 Frances Thu, 10 Jan 2008 17:17:53 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-31083 I, too, am an exhausted mother of 3 boys 18, 16, and 10. The teens used to be such good nice boys, but when now 18 year old turned 14 or so, it's been downhill from then and he took the other teen down with him for a good while. The 18 year old is now the father of a 2 month old baby girl and is jobless. I tried so hard as a single mom all those years - I prayed, played, and read with them since toddlers and thought they would be college bound and happy people. I'm so angry now because I'm turning 40 and I feel like, what did I get out of all that sacrificing? I'm poorer than I've ever been and depression keeps coming back that's it's hard to get employed again. Have been to so many counselors through the years - but when it comes down to it they are just someone to talk to when there's no one else who cares. I'm tired of praying. I've tried all types of medication, but so tired of all the side-effects. I wish I could go back and be a kid myself again. I made the stupid decision 2 years ago to marry and leave a good job because I thought that would help my kids, but it's just made things more difficult. I should have listened to Dr. Laura about that one. I was just so stressed out that I think I lost my mind for a while. Current husband barely works, we are in debt up the cazoo, and I find that for him we are more of an inconvenience and burden to him in HIM reaching HIS precious goals. I wish I wouldn't have listened to him when he encouraged us to marry after a 3 year relationship. Smart woman, stupid choices. Oh God help. I've lost myself and feel like I am in such a deep pit I can't get out of. I think my counselor is even getting tired of me. I need a miracle. I need god to show me he cares. I, too, am an exhausted mother of 3 boys 18, 16, and 10. The teens used to be such good nice boys, but when now 18 year old turned 14 or so, it’s been downhill from then and he took the other teen down with him for a good while. The 18 year old is now the father of a 2 month old baby girl and is jobless. I tried so hard as a single mom all those years – I prayed, played, and read with them since toddlers and thought they would be college bound and happy people. I’m so angry now because I’m turning 40 and I feel like, what did I get out of all that sacrificing? I’m poorer than I’ve ever been and depression keeps coming back that’s it’s hard to get employed again. Have been to so many counselors through the years – but when it comes down to it they are just someone to talk to when there’s no one else who cares. I’m tired of praying. I’ve tried all types of medication, but so tired of all the side-effects. I wish I could go back and be a kid myself again. I made the stupid decision 2 years ago to marry and leave a good job because I thought that would help my kids, but it’s just made things more difficult. I should have listened to Dr. Laura about that one. I was just so stressed out that I think I lost my mind for a while. Current husband barely works, we are in debt up the cazoo, and I find that for him we are more of an inconvenience and burden to him in HIM reaching HIS precious goals. I wish I wouldn’t have listened to him when he encouraged us to marry after a 3 year relationship. Smart woman, stupid choices. Oh God help. I’ve lost myself and feel like I am in such a deep pit I can’t get out of. I think my counselor is even getting tired of me. I need a miracle. I need god to show me he cares.

]]> By: n.tx.mom http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-25647 n.tx.mom Thu, 11 Oct 2007 02:20:19 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-25647 ok. here goes. My daughter (just turned 16) has made a series of serious mistakes: Losing virginity at 15 to 17 yo boy inher dad's driveway (we're divorced 9 yrs now- he's a loser, and that's a proven fact, not just my opinion). Then she sneeks virginity stealer into my home - I now have security system installed. Then just when things are looking up - we (my husband & I ) give her a car for her 16th b-day - she takes off driving in it the first morning she is left alone with it before she has her license. I am now cosidering boarding school. She is smart, and has a good heart. I just think she's lost and making bad decisions/choices. My husband thinks it may be more. Talking her out of school for the rest of this year will crush her - but she knew the consequences before she pulled this last stunt. What's a heartbroken mother to do? ok. here goes. My daughter (just turned 16) has made a series of serious mistakes: Losing virginity at 15 to 17 yo boy inher dad’s driveway (we’re divorced 9 yrs now- he’s a loser, and that’s a proven fact, not just my opinion). Then she sneeks virginity stealer into my home – I now have security system installed. Then just when things are looking up – we (my husband & I ) give her a car for her 16th b-day – she takes off driving in it the first morning she is left alone with it before she has her license. I am now cosidering boarding school. She is smart, and has a good heart. I just think she’s lost and making bad decisions/choices. My husband thinks it may be more. Talking her out of school for the rest of this year will crush her – but she knew the consequences before she pulled this last stunt. What’s a heartbroken mother to do?

]]> By: Judi http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-23489 Judi Fri, 24 Aug 2007 12:46:45 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-23489 Thanks for the great advice. My 14 year old son and I often have disagreements about a particular friend that he has, so your advice about just having spontaneous fun reminded me that I have to lighten up sometimes. Thanks for the great advice. My 14 year old son and I often have disagreements about a particular friend that he has, so your advice about just having spontaneous fun reminded me that I have to lighten up sometimes.

]]> By: Tina http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-21858 Tina Mon, 25 Jun 2007 03:16:32 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-21858 I just read the posts on difficult teens. I am a single mother of two girls. Ages 12 and 13; soon to be 13 and 14. I am struggling with my 13 year old. She has oppositional defiant disorder with depressive disorder. She is in counseling and she seems to be doing a little better. My youngest is beginning to follow in her sister's shoes by making some bad choices as well. I have moments where I have no idea what I am doing and am lost and confused. I am getting my other daughter into counseling as well as myself. I think the individual counseling for my oldest is not really working as she does not like her counselor at all. Also her counselor does not really discuss with me what is going on, which is leaving me clueless. I know that I love my kids more than anything in the world. I am all they have as their father is absent by choice in their lives. I am learning to force myself to do something for myself to maintain my sanity. I am grateful that I found this site and hopefully this will be a support system for me. Thanks. I just read the posts on difficult teens. I am a single mother of two girls. Ages 12 and 13; soon to be 13 and 14. I am struggling with my 13 year old. She has oppositional defiant disorder with depressive disorder. She is in counseling and she seems to be doing a little better. My youngest is beginning to follow in her sister’s shoes by making some bad choices as well. I have moments where I have no idea what I am doing and am lost and confused. I am getting my other daughter into counseling as well as myself. I think the individual counseling for my oldest is not really working as she does not like her counselor at all. Also her counselor does not really discuss with me what is going on, which is leaving me clueless. I know that I love my kids more than anything in the world. I am all they have as their father is absent by choice in their lives. I am learning to force myself to do something for myself to maintain my sanity. I am grateful that I found this site and hopefully this will be a support system for me.

Thanks.

]]> By: mary http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-20639 mary Thu, 07 Jun 2007 10:48:43 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-20639 Bea, my husband is exactly the same!!Thought he was the only one. He says he will pack and leave because of the fighting and conflict between my 14 year old and myself. So now I am just backing down and she can say/do as she pleases. Difficult to live with, but we have 2 other daughters that are easy going. Just counting the years till she moves out. Bea, my husband is exactly the same!!Thought he was the only one. He says he will pack and leave because of the fighting and conflict between my 14 year old and myself. So now I am just backing down and she can say/do as she pleases. Difficult to live with, but we have 2 other daughters that are easy going. Just counting the years till she moves out.

]]> By: Tony http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-20453 Tony Thu, 31 May 2007 18:04:10 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-20453 I'm new to this site. I do have a question on what your thoughts on my teenage boy. He's been feeling "down" and has been lacking motivation in his activities. He has been active in football, guitarist and singer. He's recently asked to get his ears pierced. We've sent him to a couple of counselors and had friends of the family talk with him and counsel. I try as a father, but I find that he looks at me as someone who doesn't know anything at times. Because of this I feet that I can't get through to him. It's not all bad, but I do see a potential problem. i love my boy very much and I want to help in anyway I can. Any suggestions??? I’m new to this site. I do have a question on what your thoughts on my teenage boy. He’s been feeling “down” and has been lacking motivation in his activities. He has been active in football, guitarist and singer. He’s recently asked to get his ears pierced. We’ve sent him to a couple of counselors and had friends of the family talk with him and counsel. I try as a father, but I find that he looks at me as someone who doesn’t know anything at times. Because of this I feet that I can’t get through to him. It’s not all bad, but I do see a potential problem. i love my boy very much and I want to help in anyway I can. Any suggestions???

]]> By: nancy http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-15993 nancy Sun, 18 Mar 2007 14:58:30 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-15993 It is so good to notice how many of us are refusing to give up on holding onto a relationship when our kids are at their ugliest. I know that is the time they need the most to see that we STILL love them. My daughter often gets these sulky, nasty moods. We have started taking walks together - even when I'm tired and REALLY don't want to. It has really gotten both of us out of the grumps... Thank goodness. It is so good to notice how many of us are refusing to give up on holding onto a relationship when our kids are at their ugliest. I know that is the time they need the most to see that we STILL love them. My daughter often gets these sulky, nasty moods. We have started taking walks together – even when I’m tired and REALLY don’t want to. It has really gotten both of us out of the grumps… Thank goodness.

]]> By: casey http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-14523 casey Sun, 04 Mar 2007 04:36:56 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-14523 yes!, focus on priorities. having a bond/relationship with your child since time with them is already limited in their teens and before you know it, they're gone. we don't own our children, we are simply here to guide them and to LOVE them. yes!, focus on priorities. having a bond/relationship with your child since time with them is already limited in their teens and before you know it, they’re gone. we don’t own our children, we are simply here to guide them and to LOVE them.

]]> By: carrieann http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-14522 carrieann Sun, 04 Mar 2007 04:34:14 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-14522 yes!, focus on priorities. having a bond/relationship with your child since time with them is already limited in their teens and before you know it, they're gone. we don't own our children, we are simply here to guide them and to LOVE them. yes!, focus on priorities. having a bond/relationship with your child since time with them is already limited in their teens and before you know it, they’re gone. we don’t own our children, we are simply here to guide them and to LOVE them.

]]> By: Dorie http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-14220 Dorie Wed, 28 Feb 2007 11:41:33 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-14220 God has given us two sons, fifteen years apart. I have found that the most challenging time is between 11 and 14. They're too old to do "little kid" things" , but too young to do teen things. They begin to question where they fit and who they are.(both good things, but can be challenging) I think that when they hit 15 to 18 they want their autonomy so badly that they will fight you for it. You need to find ways to let them be their own person without cutting them loose altogether. I am firmly convinced this is why families used to apprentice their boys out between the ages of 13 and 15. They were taught how to work and work hard, see that obedience was not just a parental requirement, but a life requirement, and given an opportunity to become skilled at something that would make them feel good about who they were and what they could do. It gave them the opportunity to be a valuable part of the community and to exhibit their ability to be a contributing member of society. Present day society is so disjointed that you can go for weeks and not have "human" contact if you don't want to. I see more and more children(and adults) living out "relationships" on their computers and believing that that's enough. We all need interaction with others and accountability to someone, but we're such an independent society that we don't want to come under anyone else's scrutiny or authority. And relationship is becoming more and more foreign every day. While I don't like the idea of having "another adult" they can go to I do believe that someone not so close to the situation could bring out the best in them. Someone who shares your values, cares about them, and would be able to give them sound advice and skills may be just what they need.(and if they could work them to exhaustion it wouldn't hurt!) I love my boys dearly, but I do know that, at times, advice from me goes unheeded, but the same thing out of a father's mouth or another male's makes sense. At some point they need to know that they're a valuable part of the male community and not just a "mama's boy". (though they'll always be my "boys" even as men) Love them with all your heart, don't take anything too personally (they probably don't even know why they're so mad at you), and pray faithfully for what both they and you need. Dorie God has given us two sons, fifteen years apart. I have found that the most challenging time is between 11 and 14. They’re too old to do “little kid” things” , but too young to do teen things.
They begin to question where they fit and who they are.(both good things, but can be challenging) I think that when they hit 15 to 18 they want their autonomy so badly that they will fight you for it. You need to find ways to let them be their own person without cutting them loose altogether. I am firmly convinced this is why families used to apprentice their boys out between the ages of 13 and 15. They were taught how to work and work hard, see that obedience was not just a parental requirement, but a life requirement, and given an opportunity to become skilled at something that would make them feel good about who they were and what they could do.
It gave them the opportunity to be a valuable part of the community and to exhibit their ability to be a contributing member of society.
Present day society is so disjointed that you can go for weeks and not have “human” contact if you don’t want to. I see more and more children(and adults) living out “relationships” on their computers and believing that that’s enough. We all need interaction with others and accountability to someone, but we’re such an independent society that we don’t want to come under anyone else’s scrutiny or authority. And relationship is becoming more and more foreign every day.
While I don’t like the idea of having “another adult” they can go to I do believe that someone not so close to the situation could bring out the best in them. Someone who shares your values, cares about them, and would be able to give them sound advice and skills may be just what they need.(and if they could work them to exhaustion it wouldn’t hurt!)
I love my boys dearly, but I do know that, at times, advice from me goes unheeded, but the same thing out of a father’s mouth or another male’s makes sense. At some point they need to know that they’re a valuable part of the male community and not just a “mama’s boy”. (though they’ll always be my “boys” even as men)
Love them with all your heart, don’t take anything too personally (they probably don’t even know why they’re so mad at you), and pray faithfully for what both they and you need.

Dorie

]]> By: Holly http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-12100 Holly Wed, 07 Feb 2007 19:39:27 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-12100 I find that this is sooooo true with my own kids. They are a bit younger but I find that when my six-year old starts beeing more and more sassy we take a trip to the book store, get a few magazines and go get pie. I let her order as many slices in as many flavors and we taste them all while reading articles that pertain to her and her interests. It is a great way to start some really imprtant conversation with her and get her to open up . I hope that we keep this tradition up into her adult years. Hopefully she will ask for Pie Night as a teenager when she is having trouble Holly I find that this is sooooo true with my own kids. They are a bit younger but I find that when my six-year old starts beeing more and more sassy we take a trip to the book store, get a few magazines and go get pie. I let her order as many slices in as many flavors and we taste them all while reading articles that pertain to her and her interests. It is a great way to start some really imprtant conversation with her and get her to open up . I hope that we keep this tradition up into her adult years. Hopefully she will ask for Pie Night as a teenager when she is having trouble

Holly

]]> By: Cynthia http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-12076 Cynthia Wed, 07 Feb 2007 15:07:41 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-12076 Hey you guys! I'd venture to say most of us weren't drafted into our positions as parents...we blindly walked into it with hope and love as our guides. The thing for all of us is, each stage of development has its joys and its heartaches. But without a doubt, the teen years have been the most taxing...emotionally, physically and sometimes, financially (definitely, in terms of preparing for college!). There have been good days with our 16-year old son...sometimes even great days. But we've also been through a lot of very challenging stuff. Some days, all we have as common ground is a Led Zeppelin song, shared together as we make our way home in the car. As bad as it's been (sometimes I've just given up and gone to bed to have a good cry at the end of the day), I know that somewhere, there is always another family who's going through worse. A son or daughter in the throes of drug abuse, perhaps gone from that warm nest a home can be. That said, I thank God for every day with my son, good or bad. I must admit, it sometimes isn't easy to put my arms around that towering, seething teen with the long, multi-colored hair and satchel full of eye daggers meant for me and tenderly kiss his cheek and tell him that I love him, but I do it...every night...no matter how mad I am...no matter what. And my hope is, that with each passing day, we get a little closer to clarity, a little nearer to understanding that young lad. That he knows he is always loved, no matter what he does. It's that strong foundation of love...ever blinding love, that gives them as teens, all the courage to make their steps into the life they envision for themselves and also provides the soft spot to fall, when they make the tough mistakes they're bound to. I know it isn't easy...but I know in my heart, we do the best we can with the information we have at hand. I'm glad knowing you're out there doing your best. I know I'm doing mine. I wish you all love. Blinding love. Cynthia Hey you guys! I’d venture to say most of us weren’t drafted into our positions as parents…we blindly walked into it with hope and love as our guides. The thing for all of us is, each stage of development has its joys and its heartaches. But without a doubt, the teen years have been the most taxing…emotionally, physically and sometimes, financially (definitely, in terms of preparing for college!). There have been good days with our 16-year old son…sometimes even great days. But we’ve also been through a lot of very challenging stuff. Some days, all we have as common ground is a Led Zeppelin song, shared together as we make our way home in the car. As bad as it’s been (sometimes I’ve just given up and gone to bed to have a good cry at the end of the day), I know that somewhere, there is always another family who’s going through worse. A son or daughter in the throes of drug abuse, perhaps gone from that warm nest a home can be. That said, I thank God for every day with my son, good or bad. I must admit, it sometimes isn’t easy to put my arms around that towering, seething teen with the long, multi-colored hair and satchel full of eye daggers meant for me and tenderly kiss his cheek and tell him that I love him, but I do it…every night…no matter how mad I am…no matter what. And my hope is, that with each passing day, we get a little closer to clarity, a little nearer to understanding that young lad. That he knows he is always loved, no matter what he does. It’s that strong foundation of love…ever blinding love, that gives them as teens, all the courage to make their steps into the life they envision for themselves and also provides the soft spot to fall, when they make the tough mistakes they’re bound to. I know it isn’t easy…but I know in my heart, we do the best we can with the information we have at hand. I’m glad knowing you’re out there doing your best. I know I’m doing mine. I wish you all love. Blinding love. Cynthia

]]> By: Rhonda http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-9905 Rhonda Wed, 24 Jan 2007 20:20:36 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-9905 My husband is just like that too. He also gets very upset with the moods. Make her tell you what is wrong and if she shares anything to me and I tell him he can't understand why that would upset her. He wants to kiss it and make it all better, but it just doesn't work like that. I take one step forward and two steps back with her. I'm so thankful I found this web site. It is just what I needed. It feels like your in this all alone. You don't feel comfortable to share it with peers. My husband is just like that too. He also gets very upset with the moods. Make her tell you what is wrong and if she shares anything to me and I tell him he can’t understand why that would upset her. He wants to kiss it and make it all better, but it just doesn’t work like that. I take one step forward and two steps back with her. I’m so thankful I found this web site. It is just what I needed. It feels like your in this all alone. You don’t feel comfortable to share it with peers.

]]> By: Cathy http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-2/#comment-9583 Cathy Fri, 19 Jan 2007 12:35:01 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-9583 I am a mother of a 12 year old girl and she has always been a little mother to everyone,even myself. I have know this for most of her life and I have tried many things to show/help her change. (No one likes to be mothered constently)Now that she is older she seems to have problems with having a good friendship. I see it at outings that the other girls let her tag along but she is not really any part of the group ( they just tolorate her). Some girls are very mean and it hurts me to see this. I do not know what to tell her to get her through this rough time. I am looking for any sugestions to help her and I deal with both here bossiness and the bullies that she is dealing because of this. I am a mother of a 12 year old girl and she has always been a little mother to everyone,even myself. I have know this for most of her life and I have tried many things to show/help her change. (No one likes to be mothered constently)Now that she is older she seems to have problems with having a good friendship. I see it at outings that the other girls let her tag along but she is not really any part of the group ( they just tolorate her). Some girls are very mean and it hurts me to see this. I do not know what to tell her to get her through this rough time. I am looking for any sugestions to help her and I deal with both here bossiness and the bullies that she is dealing because of this.

]]> By: Melissa http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-1/#comment-8480 Melissa Thu, 28 Dec 2006 15:16:47 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-8480 I think the whole point of the article is to find something your child enjoys doing. Boys typically love sports and girls typically love to shop but if that's not the case of your child, do what your family enjoys. When I run errands I found my children like to ride along with me. This used to annoy me especially when I just wanted to run in and out of places until one day I realized my children were ASKING to spend time with me! Some of our deepest conversations or funniest times have been just riding in the car together. They even like to grocery shop with me (so they can pick out their favorite snacks) and I enjoy their company. I know, sounds like I have some weird teenagers but they are quite "normal" and involved in school and with friends but in addition to any special outings, incorporating them into my "work" has given us some bonus time together. My oldest is a freshman in college now so I know all too well how quickly the years go by and the sadness of having one leave the nest. Seemingly ordinary things; cooking dinner, doing the dishes, taking a walk, chores, etc. can turn into great opportunities to talk to your teens and spend time with them. When your involved in some rouitine activity, their guard is down a bit and they tend to open up a bit more. I think the whole point of the article is to find something your child enjoys doing. Boys typically love sports and girls typically love to shop but if that’s not the case of your child, do what your family enjoys. When I run errands I found my children like to ride along with me. This used to annoy me especially when I just wanted to run in and out of places until one day I realized my children were ASKING to spend time with me! Some of our deepest conversations or funniest times have been just riding in the car together. They even like to grocery shop with me (so they can pick out their favorite snacks) and I enjoy their company. I know, sounds like I have some weird teenagers but they are quite “normal” and involved in school and with friends but in addition to any special outings, incorporating them into my “work” has given us some bonus time together. My oldest is a freshman in college now so I know all too well how quickly the years go by and the sadness of having one leave the nest. Seemingly ordinary things; cooking dinner, doing the dishes, taking a walk, chores, etc. can turn into great opportunities to talk to your teens and spend time with them. When your involved in some rouitine activity, their guard is down a bit and they tend to open up a bit more.

]]> By: Lisa http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-1/#comment-8049 Lisa Thu, 21 Dec 2006 17:53:10 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-8049 I agree with the advice, but was very surprised to see the stereotypes of boys=sports and girls=shopping. I know it doesn't go to the point of the article, but this typecasting is insidious and can impair your relationship with your child. This is probably not how your teen sees the world. I agree with the advice, but was very surprised to see the stereotypes of boys=sports and girls=shopping. I know it doesn’t go to the point of the article, but this typecasting is insidious and can impair your relationship with your child. This is probably not how your teen sees the world.

]]> By: Bea http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-1/#comment-7920 Bea Mon, 18 Dec 2006 19:13:11 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-7920 Thanks to everyone who responded. Nan, I am just starting to read the book you recommended; thanks for the suggestion. Things have gone from bad to worse. My 14-year-old daughter (I discovered by accident) is now having sex (protected, thank God!). I tried to stay calm and not judgemental but at the same time made it clear that I do not condone this activity at 14, so now I only allow her to be with her boyfriend when an adult is present. She says she hates us, but won't say why. She is rude and insulting most of the time, which makes communication VERY challenging. I was advised to ignore the rudeness to try to get at the bottom of why she is so angry and hurt, but she uses the insults to evade the issues. My biggest problem right now, though, is my husband. He responds to the stress we are trying to cope with by feeling sorry for HIMSELF. ("I shouldn't have to put up with this", etc.) I try to point out that "HELLO-O-O, yes, you DO have to put up with it, because this is our child, and we love her." His prime concern is never what's troubling our daughter, but how it is annoying HIM. Is this just him, or a gerneral male thing??!! I'm about at my wits' end with both of them!! Hey, thanks for letting me unload. I feel a bit more energized for the fight ahead! Thanks to everyone who responded. Nan, I am just starting to read the book you recommended; thanks for the suggestion.

Things have gone from bad to worse. My 14-year-old daughter (I discovered by accident) is now having sex (protected, thank God!). I tried to stay calm and not judgemental but at the same time made it clear that I do not condone this activity at 14, so now I only allow her to be with her boyfriend when an adult is present.

She says she hates us, but won’t say why. She is rude and insulting most of the time, which makes communication VERY challenging. I was advised to ignore the rudeness to try to get at the bottom of why she is so angry and hurt, but she uses the insults to evade the issues.

My biggest problem right now, though, is my husband. He responds to the stress we are trying to cope with by feeling sorry for HIMSELF. (“I shouldn’t have to put up with this”, etc.) I try to point out that “HELLO-O-O, yes, you DO have to put up with it, because this is our child, and we love her.” His prime concern is never what’s troubling our daughter, but how it is annoying HIM. Is this just him, or a gerneral male thing??!! I’m about at my wits’ end with both of them!!

Hey, thanks for letting me unload. I feel a bit more energized for the fight ahead!

]]> By: Robin http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-1/#comment-7874 Robin Sun, 17 Dec 2006 20:27:33 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-7874 Dear Marie & the other parents of troubled teens, I too am a single parent of a 17 y/o son. We have been through some very tough years. He was 13 the first time he was arrested and I saw him in shackles. His most recent arrest was last summer. We're very lucky that drugs & alcohol are not a problem - his problem is anger and violence. Dispite our difficulties, he and I have established a close and loving relationship. I believe we are able to sustain a good relationship because I have become very good at not responding to every comment he makes - it's a variation of picking my battles. I have only a few rules, but they are absolute. In order to live in my home he must obey the law, he must go to school, he must let me know where he is and when he'll be home, and he must pick up after himself (laundry & dishes included). My mental health has improved since I've learned not to lecture. He respects me more because he feels trusted to make decisions about his life. And I've learned that I can't accept the blame for his choices that turn out badly anymore than I can accept the credit for his choices that turn out positively. I helps that I truly like him and he knows it. I wish us all well. Sometimes we just need to remember how much we love them. Dear Marie & the other parents of troubled teens,

I too am a single parent of a 17 y/o son. We have been through some very tough years. He was 13 the first time he was arrested and I saw him in shackles. His most recent arrest was last summer. We’re very lucky that drugs & alcohol are not a problem – his problem is anger and violence.

Dispite our difficulties, he and I have established a close and loving relationship. I believe we are able to sustain a good relationship because I have become very good at not responding to every comment he makes – it’s a variation of picking my battles. I have only a few rules, but they are absolute. In order to live in my home he must obey the law, he must go to school, he must let me know where he is and when he’ll be home, and he must pick up after himself (laundry & dishes included).

My mental health has improved since I’ve learned not to lecture. He respects me more because he feels trusted to make decisions about his life. And I’ve learned that I can’t accept the blame for his choices that turn out badly anymore than I can accept the credit for his choices that turn out positively.

I helps that I truly like him and he knows it.

I wish us all well. Sometimes we just need to remember how much we love them.

]]> By: Nan http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tough-times/comment-page-1/#comment-7180 Nan Tue, 05 Dec 2006 22:02:43 +0000 http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/tought-times/#comment-7180 Bea, When I read your words I thought of my family history with depression, etc. I read an awesome book called, Me and My Big Mouth by Joyce Meyer. ( I know the title sounds rude!) but it helped me understand that just because my family has had past issues, I and my children do not have to. It really helped me know how to handle issues that come up with my children. YOu may realy enjoy it if you like to read. Bea,

When I read your words I thought of my family history with depression, etc. I read an awesome book called, Me and My Big Mouth by Joyce Meyer. ( I know the title sounds rude!) but it helped me understand that just because my family has had past issues, I and my children do not have to. It really helped me know how to handle issues that come up with my children. YOu may realy enjoy it if you like to read.

]]>