Values Versus Pop Culture
by Ellen C. Braun
Filed under Controversial Parenting Styles, Values & Ethics, Words of Inspiration!
No matter where you live and how sheltered you keep your family, Western values are infiltrating our households.
How do you prevent American values (i.e. that beauty, wealth, and power are the keys to happiness and success) from taking hold in your children’s mind?
What is an effective manner to convey that religious and family values are superior to pop culture?
How have you personally managed to hold onto what is real as opposed to what is currently glittering?
Share your thoughts here:
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I believe that these three tennets ARE the keys to success in life….but we view them very differently in our home.
1. We tell all of our children that they are beautiful. In a physical sense it is because they are unique, but beyond that they are beautiful from the inside because they love, they give to, they share with and they respect other people.
2. They are wealthy. My husband and I do not make a ton of money, we are comfortable but we both still have to work. We ensure that our children make the most out of everything they have….toys have spanned generations in our family, clothing is shared among cousins and siblings. But they are rich beyond their wildest dreams with love, family, support and friendship. Millions of dollars can be a wonderful thing, but absolutely worthless if you have no one to share it with.
3.Our children are powerful….they have enough power to make someone smile, make someone cry, make someone laugh and to make their own life into whatever they want it to be…..how can one ever have more power than that? It’s important to teach children how to wield that power effectively and to remind them daily that they have the power to bring about positive change in their lives and the lives of others. Show your children that they have the power, let them donate a toy they no longer use to a family shelter, or volunteer in a soup kitchen if they are older.
Beauty, Wealth and Power have nothing to do with looks, money or status, but everything to do with how you live your life.
We discuss the consequences of poor action by the various celebrities and bad behavior depicted in television shows. My kids, twins 12, 5 year old, also know that if they try to copy any of the behaviors that they may see on t.v. I will turn it off until I see proper behavior. Homeschooling also helps bring down the amount of peer related behavior issues, the kids are also involved in sports and scouts and are too busy to find time to be bad!
I believe that we need to raise our children to be critical thinkers. Blocking them from T.V. and unhealthy shows only breeds ignorance. (Of course,sitting your 5 year old down to watch an R movie is not what I am talking about). Sitting down and talking to our children about their thoughts and sharing mine, which includes the pros and cons of things we see, hear and watch, is what will make our children grown up to be wholesome thinkers. Talking to our kids and hearing each others ideas is the most valuable time one can spend with them. We will not always be around to tell our children what to watch and how to act, so let’s spend time trying to build those values in them so they are intrinsic to our children.
I have a 10 year old & 3 year old twins. We go to church pretty regularly, and I try to make sure that they have interesting ways to learn about God & His sacrifice for us.
My oldest attends Youth Group every Wednesday while my mom & I attend a small group Bible study. The twins go & play in the nursery at the same time, so they see that church is a great family place.
We have also started to have as many meals at the table as possible. Even if it has been a crazy day & we are just having a bowl of cereal, it is good to sit there together, away from the television.
We try to play games together when possible & I just try to stay involved in their lives. Always present, but instead of preaching at them about God, we talk about the way Jesus handled issues & confrontation.
We are far from perfect, but seem to be improving. God Bless.
We talk about things as a family, not huge discussions but many small conversatons through the day and as things come up.
We watch television together and we discuss things. Some of the shows we watch are surprising to my parent friends but we learn a lot from them. We watch SuperNanny and discuss if the kids are acting nicely to each other, how do they think the kids are taking to the parents and so forth. Actually after watching that the first few times my kids behavior got better as they saw what it looks like from the outside (siblings hitting each other in anger, name calling, instigating, talking disrespectfully to the parent, etc.).
We talk about negative things we see in the media and in real life. We talk about the feelings and emotions. Rudeness seen on the playground or rudeness seen on The Suite Life of Cody and Zach are the same thing.
I limit TV watching to certain shows. I tell my kids why they cannot watch certain shows. For a very long time those Disney channel shows were not allowed in our home.
I have been giving in on some things now that my oldest is ten. It just gets hard when so many kids they know are doing things and watching stuff that they cannot. It gets to a point where I felt my kids were really ‘out of the mainstream’.
I think it is better to have a little of the mainstream and to discuss it then to keep it all out and to not address the issues, to not teach about it. Sometimes it really is best, for example, to see a popular TV show and then talk about the downsides of it, then to not let them watch it and to try to teach about those concepts in more abstract ways (the kids have a hard time learning that way). Plus my kids were growing resentful.
Regarding our religious views, or values also taught in the Bible, we show the ‘negative thing’ then discuss the ‘better way’. They are 99% of the time in agreement with us, surprisingly.
Lastly, we try to keep a balance of the negatives of the pop culture by letting in a little and dealing with it but having other things going on too. We don’t ‘obsess’ on pop culture things here, especially if they are negative in any way or ‘the in thing’. For example my kids watch less than an hour a day of TV of their own time which then has to be picked from Hannah Montana, Suite Life, or Mythbusters or some other show.
My motto and my signature on almost all of my emails has been, “The best things in life aren’t things”. I found that to be a motive to live by and teach my kids to live by as well. Not only do we eat together but we attend all their sporting events, school functions (that includes volunteering on occasion) and church as a family.
Although our kids (10 & 12) have a couple gaming systems, we also incorporate outdoor activities in the evenings when their schedule permits and every weekend. There are multiple things to do from camping, swimming, hiking, fishing, hunting or numerous places to go and events to attend. On the “off” weekends, we pool together and get work done around the house and in the yard. It’s a great team-work effect that we can all share when we work and play together.
A person’s income should dictate how you live, not whatever everybody else has. As we have gotten older we’ve realized that we don’t need to have the newest car, the prettiest house or the latest technology gadget on the market. Mostly because we simply can’t afford to “keep up with the Jone’s”. Instead, we try to save more money for our future and for our children’s future. I bring my kids to the bank on occasion with me to conduct various transactions so they are familiar with saving and watching their money grow.
I believe the world has gotten so commercialized that some are believing they cannot live without certain items. If you can keep in perspective wants versus needs – you should be fine. Keep these things in mind and try to help your kids remember them as well. Love, not material items creates happiness. Communication is key and finally – THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE AREN’T THINGS~
I started at a very early age introducing, not forcing, religion to my children. Instilling not only spiritual values, but family values as well. I am the mother of 3 children, but have two teenagers living with me as well. Girls who struggled in thier own family enviroment, but thrive in mine. My eldest daughter is 16 just barely taking herself out of the kid gate and into the adult one. She still stands firm on how she was raised. Family comes first, then Morals and self respect. In return she has been a great influence on the other two teens living with me. She listens to todays music and sees the Brittanys and has nothing but remorse for her. She says “had she stood by her morals and respected herself she would have never gotten into the mess she is in now”. We have to have faith in our children that they can handle all the information we give them at an early age and remember it as they grow. Good foundations induce good discissions.
I believe that being together as a family in close proximity to one another, such as at the dinner table or driving in the car without TV or hand held games, is a necessary foundation for communication. Most importantly, in order to prevent children from adopting pop culture values, we as parents need to lead by example. This means to not spend money frivolously on yourself, such as “treating yourself” to new/expensive things, like cars, clothes, and dinners out. If you feel the need to make an exception to this rule, get a hot tub. For us it has been the best bonding environment for the whole family while feeling a bit indulgent for the parents. Also, many parents buy things for their children out of guilt over a divorce, or over not having spent enough quality time together with their children, because of work, or personal interests, etc. This may help the parent feel better in the short term, but it is a common mistake and must be avoided. Presents are no substitute for presence.
For children that are 10 and older I think it is appropriate to point out that the lives of the people who are in the limelight for achieving the american dream–the actors, singers show biz wiz’s etc. are overwhelmingly empty.
That obviously the pursiut of oney and material possessions and the worship of physical body and physical pleasures do not bring hapiness.
I think we must also work from when our children are yound to model those values that we want them to internallize and to develop a deep and meaningful relationship with each of our children so that they will want to follow our ways.
We cannot spend every conversation talking about money, acquistions, or looking good to the exclusion of other things and then expect them not to follow suit.
I had my teenagers read a report on lottery winners that showed conclusively how money did not buy happiness.
But if you want them to see the world through the morals and values you cherish. your home must be a happy one.
I can only speak for myself and I truly feel that the society that I live in is a direct reflection of myself. Although I agree that our society is exhibiting some behaviors that are less than life affirming, if I am completely honest with myself, I am not completely blameless in all this. There are often times when I judge myself based on the achievements and the abilities of others. Someone told me the other day “remember that when you are pointing the finger, three fingers are pointing back…” If I love myself and am gentle with myself when I realize I made a decision that is less than life affirming I know my kids are watching and that’s the best way to teach them.
Hi. We’re not a Christian family, so this side of things doesn’t come into our life, but for a couple of years now, I have tried pointing out to my 10 y/o what adverts are really saying, what they are trying to make you do/feel/want, and already she seems to be getting cynical about them! I like the ideas about discussing what’s happening in films etc, I shall try and do that. But, there are still the teen years to go yet, when appearances/labels/what the friends think, to come and be stronger than what parents say. I agree that being ‘with’ her, listening to her and letting her make her own choices are the best preparation I can hope for, and just hope that she can make smart decisions, or at least learn from her mistakes without too much harm coming to her.
I try to remind my children that I am responsible for their little souls right now. And I will one day be accountable to God for what I allowed them to see or do no matter what everyone else is doing.
In our we limit TV time and only approved shows can be viwed. We also have a collection of Biblical Dvds for the kids.
We read to our kids every day from books that we feel convey good values and morals.
We eat dinner together every night.
We spend time toether doing fun and educational things.
One thing that worked for my parents that I have incorporated into my own parenting style is questioning your child. What do you like about that celebrity? If you knew them in person would you be impressed by the way they treat the people around them? Who else do you admire and like to be around? My parents always modeled behavior in keeping with our family’s values as well. If we knew someone who had lots of money (or beauty, or whatever) but was not a nice person my parents were very clear about why they did not spend time with them.
Set an example by your actions. There’s nothing wrong with material things, but you need to spend money in ways that will really improve your life, not just impress your neighbors. Turn off the TV except for use as a player for selected DVDs and videos. (At least 1,000 great movies were made before 1970!) Make sure your children see the latest pop-star tragedies on the front of the supermarket tabloids; then discuss the stories with your children. Include your children’s friends in a family activity when they visit. Take your children to the local courthouse (it’s open to the public) so they can see what happens to adults who steal, drive drunk, use drugs, etc. Make sure your children know that it is perfectly OK to be “out” with the “in crowd.”
I have found over my 15 years of parenting that having a solid connection to my children has made all the difference. They make mistakes and I allow them to make those mistakes but I am there when they need to talk to someone and I know who their friends are. I encourage them to be individuals and let them try being like others until they realize that is not what they want. Family is the most important thing at our house and we eat supper together 5 nights out of 7 each and every week. I also set the example for them by being an individual and doing and standing up for what I believe in. I try hard not to let society sway me as to what is cool, Take me or leave me, I am me and my children are learning that that is OK. If not the best thing for everyone.
I have found that the old axiom of emulation is 99% of the work of instilling the values that you want your children to hold on to and develop their unique characters to. My son has watched me work in ministry as a chaplain, has helped me as an usher (he was the only junior usher around and actually inspired another little guy to do another ministry). My daughters look at how I respond to their mother and have actually have boy ‘friends’ that will treat them like that. I have given them support and inspiration to seek out their faith and to define their worldviews to reflect the progress their faith has as they develop their relationship with God.
Simple in words, harder in effort.
Some of the ways my husband and I try to counter act
the shallowness of the pop culture is homeschooling,
attending church several times a week, spending alot of time together and talking about the things we see or hear on television. We havent been too good at limiting television but the kids can usually tell if something is silly, or stupid or untrue. Rather than to totally shield them we’ve tried to teach them to see through things and not believe everything they hear, even if it’s from a grown-up!
We talk, talk , talk! I am always looking for teachable moments on this topic, luckily(?!) there seems to be plenty of opportunities to talk about our pop culture’s values versus our familiy’s religious values. I’m also always looking for good children’s books that talk about what’s REALLY important. Right now we’re reading “Somebody Loves You Mr. Hatch.” It’s a wonderful story about caring and friendship.
Family dinners are a great way to stay in touch and have lively discussions. We sometimes discuss a portion of Scripture, sometimes we discuss a true American hero’s story whether contemporary or historical. Community serivce and giving have also been a part of our family life. Whether it is serving at a soup kitchen or donating to an organization, it gives our children some perspective on what truly matters.
Your question concerning what to do to save our children from the current culture that seeks to destroy them has a very simple answer but very hard to carry out. No, you do not have to destroy the TV or yank the radio off the wall or fight with your children. That is almost impossible to do. What is possible to do and which is very hard, is to surrender to the mercy of God and pray for the fortification of our children’s minds, bodies, souls and acts. This is a daily prayer that every parent must institute and must voice daily out loud to the children as they prepare to go to their places of study and work, and as they surrender to sleep. It is important to spend an hour in adoration with the Blessed Sacrament to grow in this area and to ask for His inspiration in this department. We must also pray as parents for us to grow in demonstrations of reverence to God in the way we behave in Church, blessing ourselves as we pass a church building where we know the Blessed Sacrament is housed. It is in this manner that we will be graced with the grace to be reverent to our own bodies, minds, souls and acts which will shield us and our children from the culture of death.
As I said, it is simple and yet hard but we must pray to make Jesus the center of our lives and remind our children daily that they must make Him the center of their lives by being examples of good behavior, never using irreverent language or His sacred name in vain.
May God bless all the readers of this advise to a deep understanding of why it is that we have a battle in our hands that can only be conquered through a constant awareness of our due reverence for the Holy Trinity. Also to teach our children a few prayers in the language of the Church: latin. The Jewish people teach hebrew to their children, why aren’t we Christians teaching latin prayers to ours?
I believe that the only way anyone develop a value is living it day in and day out. I love to tell my girls that they are so beautiful the moment they come into my bed in the morning. I acknowledge their kind, loving hearts when they do something kind for someone else. I try to do things for others just because. We also take time to admire the beautiful things God has blessed us with, the always perfect sunset, trees, birds and even snow. When we come across something that is not so beautiful and good we talk about it.
I agree with Rosie. Children mimic the parents. Our own actions, our own values and conduct plays a big part in making or breaking our kids…
We have family meals. We talk about what is important in our lives. We put things into perspective with what we want and what we truely need. We spend time together and do family things. We play family games and we watch tv together. Talking seems to be the best way to know what is going on in our childrens lives.
Keeping external influences on our four children to a minimum is an ongoing challenge. Peer pressure, media, shopping, video games — all combine too easily to create a culture of comparisons, jealousy and rivalry. We find harmony can be restored in a few ways:
1) instituting “no electronics” from 5:30 – 7:30 every night. No MSN, no TV, no Internet access, no cell phones. HOmework that requires internet research must be done before or after those hours.
2) instituting “no electronics” for two weeks during the summer, when we stay at our cabin on Shawnigan Lake. They are allowed cell phones during this time.
3) family walks — we take the dog for a walk around the neighbourhood all together at least once a week. It looks like we will have to schedule this as we do for #1 and #2, as it is not happening often enough.
4) family dinners — at least five times a week, regardless of our schedules. The kids take turns being responsible for the dinners. They plan the menu (under my supervision), prepare the food (with my assistance), set the table, invite a friend (if they wish), say grace and light a candle.
5) family driving trips — don’t groan. those long drives to the prairies give us a week to talk about whatever comes up. And, believe me, lots comes up when the hours are long!
all the best!
Mary-Anne
Here is one thing I do. We do have cable and the kids watch shows like Sponge Bob. We record everything. Then we fastforward all comercials. I do not allow them to watch those popular Disney shows like Hannah Montana or other like those. I think those shows give a false interpretion of what is to be a kid or teenager. So far that has helped us a lot.
Children must see what their parents value. Being a living example is the best way our children will learn. If our priorities are right and our children see what is important to us and what is real to us, they will be able to focus on what real life is. It is our responsibility to guide our children in the right direction.
This is a great question! I am just amazed you are questioning western values. As I thought only new comers would be afraid to loose ground with their own values. It is sad though, that western value would be summarized in the pop culture, as a lot of my western friends share the same values I have.
The problem is that only this aspect of the western values are very well exported to the rest of the world, and that’s what a lot of people in the rest of the world are fighting against, because they are as much frightened as you are.
As a new comer to this wonderful country, I made sure we kept the best of our values and I borrowed what I found great in the US (COMMUNITY SUPPORT).
We try to transmit them to our kids through example. Religion is important, but acting the right way is more important to us. We wanted our kids to grow in the respect of other’s, celebrate the difference and learn from it. Learn to make their own judgment by learning languages, read the information from different sources, be attentive to other cultures and religions and experience them, not have a bias about the lower socio economic families. This election time is really valuable, as I wanted my kids to know who the democrats and republicans are. Who are the special interest groups and lobbies and how they affect the daily life of American people. Why it is important to be fully active as a citizen to maintain a democracy. I always told my kids that I will be proud of them whatever the life path they wanted to pursue, if they have strong ethics, they are passionate about what they are doing and they take seriously every person or situation. We share family meals every day, we have no TV channels, very limited non violent games, my 12 years old likes to listen to the news, he wakes up with NPR, we have some nice discussion during breakfast they all love reading, we discuss politics, economy, science… I opened a discussion about sex and porn with my 12 years old as I heard some kids were downloading stuff in iphones, PSP…!!! I don’t understand why the kids need to have all this… We talked about babies and why an early pregnancy is fatal for both girls and boys… My kids know that they can talk about any subject with us with no taboo.
Are they going to be protected? I am sure more than some other kids, but there is no certainty about it.
One thing is important though, we need to know who our kids are, and unfortunately it is hard to do if we are not available, if we work full time, if we are not completely committed to them. We need to know them well so we can better protect them and we can notice quickly when they are not well.
Unfortunately, we need a lot of money to offer a good education to our kids in this country, pay for interesting camps, expose them to culture (very expensive!), most of the dads have jobs where they have to be away for the whole week, sometimes the week-end, and you find a lot of almost single moms which is not the best for the kids’ balance. I think we need to be as much afraid of the life style as the pop culture.
I have a question about the school system. Are you in favor of a school program set up in the federal level for the whole nation instead of being controlled by different board of educations in each county? The US spends per pupil more than any country and yet the level in math and science is so low (public or private schools).
Sorry for this long message!!
We talk to our kids every day about what is truly important and try to lead by example. Action really does speak louder than words….
We are a homeschooling family, with some experience with our local elementary school system. We have dinner around the table together on at least 5 nights per week. We have abundant opportunities to discuss our day. We try to instill in the children that your faith and family will last you a lifetime and will help you through the struggles that life will throw at you. Fancy cars and having the “latest thing” are only passing trends and only provide for temporary satisfaction, sometimes compelling us to look for the next big thing to make us happy.
We closely monitor TV and materials that are viewed to promote realistic values.
It is a constant battle. We monitor what they watch on TV and online and who they hang out with and try to do our best to lead them and show them the way.
We don’t watch ET or gossip shows. We don’t make a big deal about appearance or material things. And, we talk about the things they see. I can hardly wait until Zoey (Jamie Lynn Spears) has her baby. Think of the teaching moments THAT will provide! My oldest is in third grade and he already is feeling peer pressure about material things and the way he dresses and looks. Our answer is to talk about it-honestly. Because it DOES matter to a 12 year old if they don’t have the ‘in’ shirt. Or a cell phone. Eventually, they’ll realize that. But they’ll have to have that come from within and with their faith.
I grew up in a family that didn’t place value on those things. We just didn’t participate! Of course, that didn’t prevent me as a tween or teen from wanting to be worldly. But I didn’t go to extremes like some of my friends and my values stayed pretty close to my parents’. And now that I’m a parent? I get it!
I read a comment above from a parent that thinks the pop culture isn’t so glamorous right now. She is completely correct. I use these events to let my 8 year old know that things are not as they always seem. I let him know that everyone has choices and those decisions are what makes a person. Some of the celebs today have made horrible choices, but now that he has seen what those choices have done to these people, he gets it. Now that’s what I call reality tv…
I have little inspirational quotes spread all around the house. On the note paper is one of my favorites: It’s what you do with what you have that makes you who you are.
Reminding kids that it’s not all about what you can and can’t acquire and HAVE is pretty important. The great and most remembered people in the world were not hung up on culture, money and class. They simply had a burning desire and they followed their heart.
One of the things we have done with our son is to stress, that we as a family have an assignment from God. That he is to share His(God’s) love with others, that we put people before things. Like most kids he wants things that he sees, my husband and I have emphasized that we want things to but we must again focus on people and not things. He now must work for the things he wants, we give him the choice of a job, if he wants an item bad enough he does the job, if not he will not do the job therefore he doesn’t get what he wants. I don’t know if this make sense but that is what we do, stressing along people over things.