Values Versus Pop Culture
by Ellen C. Braun
Filed under Controversial Parenting Styles, Values & Ethics, Words of Inspiration!
No matter where you live and how sheltered you keep your family, Western values are infiltrating our households.
How do you prevent American values (i.e. that beauty, wealth, and power are the keys to happiness and success) from taking hold in your children’s mind?
What is an effective manner to convey that religious and family values are superior to pop culture?
How have you personally managed to hold onto what is real as opposed to what is currently glittering?
Share your thoughts here:
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Our family “keeps it real” by trying to be diligent with recognizing those teachable moments. However, with a teen-aged boy, we need to be mindful of not being too “cheesy”. Living in Chicago (the city no less!) provides a glimpse into the lives of others in varying economic life styles, acknowledging the difference and not superiority is key.
Family dinner time has always been a time for great discussions and honestly even harder to sustain; we meet only 3-4 times a week for a true sit-down dinner. Watching the presidential debates has also brought us closer together.
I’ve adopted a personal credo to alleviate parent guilt, “as long as I keep learning, I am still in the game!”. I might have read that from one of Ellen’s e-mails. . . .
Best to all and God Bless.
I have learned to say no to the things I really am oppsed to and say yes occasionally to the things that are ok- but making a child wait while all his friends are getting things is a life lesson that we don’t always get what we want, when we want it. And sometimes something is even more special when we have waited for it!
It really is a difficult job, no matter where you turn there’s something about Britney or Paris or Lindsay or whomever. In our family we make sure we PARENT and try to be good role models. Our daughter participates in soccer, ballet, and piano because staying busy (but not overscheduled) tends to keep girls out of trouble. Also, I agree with other posts about family dinner. It’s essential and we do it almost every night. I try to be a good female role model for her by not obsessing about my weight, or worrying too much about how I look. I want her to take pride in her appearance but not obsess over her looks. Talking honestly about my day encourages her to talk honestly about her day. I am a high school teacher so I see the negative effects of a lack of parenting so am extra vigilant to keep it real!
One way is to make sure thst every negative seed planted in the minds of your children by so many media devices is immediately replaced with wholesome truth.
We did not allow our kids to watch TV or computer until after three years old. We still limit access to both in terms of time and what they are allowed to see. We gave them organic toys. A plastic boat is always a plastic boat but a stick is a submarine and a plane and a…. the possibilities are endless. We supplied our kids with paper bags, sand, the back yard and let their imaginations wild and we got down in the paper bags, the sand and dirt and played. We dug up bugs and insects and asked them about the wonder of all God’s creations. We often have conversations about respect of others and themselves and we ask them to talk about what’s important to them. Open dialogue and asking kids non judgemental questions is a great way to improve your relationship and it influences your child’s values. When they know they are respected they become more respectful.
As I read through some of the comments I frequently saw the word talk. Yes, talking to your child is important, but perhaps more important is to listen and not judge. Listen, listen, listen, then discuss.
I’m going to take the question quite literally. Prevent anything from getting into our kids’ heads? Impossible. And I don’t want to prevent anything from getting into my kids’ heads. I want my kids to be free-thinking individuals. Do I want my kids to be shallow, celeb-worshipping, pop culture geeks? Mmm. There could be worse things. I have a previous husband who makes his living interviewing celebs and reviewing movies- he likes it. One niece has her room slathered in pix of all the prominent Hollywood hunks, and she’s studying geography and urban planning at university. I have an adoration still, for Donny Osmond. I know, goofy. However, it’s healthy escapism, as far as I’m concerned. The stuff we don’t “approve” of, well, we don’t keep around the house. My son goes to a friend’s house where they have every awful toy and TV show I can think of. He likes it there. Then he comes home and sees what our values are. We have a full life. We do lots of different things. We read tons. We dance. We watch old movies (Singin in the Rain, today). Limits are good. Total restriction is not healthy. My current husband was exposed to only one kind of music growing up and that made him kind of snotty when it came to appreciating plain old pop or rock. It left him out of some social circles. Well-rounded. Open-minded. It does truly sadden me when I see families who’ve lost closeness because they rely on TV/computer or every horrid toy to entertain the kids instead of being a family together. I’m sure my dad would’ve loved for me to not get being an actress into my head, but, alas, alack, I did and went on to have a very rewarding, creative career. “Your children are not your children….”- Kalhil Gibran.
Blessed be.
I have a teenaged son now. We always sit down to dinner and talk about all sorts of things, from sex to what happened during his day. He is having a lot of peer pressure to ‘buy’ things that his friends have and to watch or do inappropriate things. I listen and don’t give any value judgements but pose questions back at him that make him think about outside forces, how his friends’ parents do not really care about them & don’t spend time with their kids like we do. I have talked to him about the Internet and TV shows and I strongly limit TV time; for every 30 minutes of reading that he does he can earn 15 minutes of TV time that is appropriate. Since we only get NBC and PBS, it makes it easy to know what he is watching. I usually watch it with him. Another thing I have done is to make sure that he understands that what is sown is also reaped – no matter how good or bad it is. Since I am a teacher, he has learned that homework and knowledge are powerful tools; I am also a strong advocate that we, as parents, must be good role models for our children. Leading by example has worked for me in school and at home.
This topic is so important. We really limit what culture our kids are exposed to by not allowing TV or pop radio in our home. we also don’t go to movies or have a video player in our home and /or car. What is out there is so rude, crude, and embarassing.
We also eat dinner as a family and discuss all kinds of things together.
Education is valued as well as reading, and creative projects.
First of all, we need to realize that we can’t do it on our own. Prayer to God is what is needed first and foremost. Secondly, a wild and crazy idea I know; get rid of the T.V. We have a VCR/DVD player, and control what our children watch. The part I like the most about that is the fact they are not inundated by the commercials. Are my children deprived? They are happy, well adjusted children, and don’t even miss whatever it is on T.V. that they’re missing. Life is not perfect, but keeping the lines of communication open, and being the example yourself of how you would like them to act goes a long way to teaching them.
My 12 year old daughter and I talk, talk, talk. One of the things we recently talked about was a friend of hers who has every new gadget and trendy clothes item a kid could have. But – her parents hardly ever spend any time with her. From what my daughter tells me, they woudl rather buy her something to hold during the night when she is scared than spend time with her trying to find out what is wrong.
Plus my daughter and I attend religious services often enough to have an impact. She also goes to religious school (I teach there as well). We discuss what is really important and what isn’t. And how time I spend with her will be remembered long after the ipod nano has been lost in a drawer somewhere.
While I don’t think we are completely resistant to the pop culture influence, joining the Cub Scouts has been wonderful for our family. I was reluctant to join at first because of the BSA position on girls (btw, now they have Venture Scouts for young men and women), God (I am a Unitarian Universalist and have managed to use the reference to faith in my own way and my church is establishing a Religious Emblem program with the BSA)and gays (can’t do anything but work from within on this one). However, if has been great for my older son who has Asperger’s to be involved in a group setting were his disability is not so apparent. Now my husband is an Asst. Cubmaster, I am a den leader and we have one Webelo scout and one Tiger scout. Our involvement in scouting gives us many opportunities to camp, hike, give back to the community, and work toward achievements as a family. The achievements often coincide with goals we have for our own children and they are fun to work on. We have expanded our social circle to include many of the scout families. We have so much more to do than pay attention to the pop culture. However, my son’s Webelo leader did use Britney Spears as a negative example during a drug awareness component of one of the Badges.
We live on a farm; having chores to do and caring for animals is a wonderful way to bring up children. Milking goats, showing goats, making soap and yogurt.. collecting eggs, learning to cook those eggs, and make delicious cheese! Pottery.. learning to throw soap dishes, and bird dishes.. raising canaries.. for color, for song … listening to them sing .. going for walks, playing in the snow.. making snow men.. snow ball fights. learning to shoot a bow and arrow, hiking trails, sledding, skiing when we can afford it. No TV..
very limited computer time. Reading great books .. and listening to books on tape.. swimming in the summer.. riding bikes.. all sorts of things to keep one busy!
Beauty, Wealth and Power are a result of being happy in the first place, because beauty shines from within. It is important to let our children know that they are beautiful, no matter what type of images the TV displays as ‘being beautiful’. No one on TV looks alike either, so if a child feels beautiful from within the child is already wealthy, because power results from self-confidence in order to accept one-self for who a person is. It is also important to let our children know that TV is a business for entertainment just like a school is there for education, or a farm provides food for the many, and most of all that everything and everyone has their unique place in this world which are all of equal importance.
It is empowering to see my little girl already spelling and writing short words at 4 and half years old. She is happy doing this and she feels like a super-star. I am making sure that she will capture this moment in her life, so when later on she starts to get judged by others she is able to go back to this moment when she felt great about herself, as this way she can use her own emotional memory as resource by understanding how good she felt when she was just doing what she liked to do best at a certain point and time in her life, as it matters not what others think and feel about her talents, her beauty or intelligence but that the only way happiness can be achieved by one feels about one-self.
She is learning that even on TV there are characters that she likes and doesn’t like, which in return another child may have a different opinion, yet that she is to stay true to herself and accept what feels right and good to herself.
When we teach our children from early on that their opinion counts and that they are respected for who they are even when their likes and dislikes are different from their own parents I feel it is possible to educate our son’s and daughter’s to the fact that TV is simply another ‘visual option’ of choices offered when it comes to looks, wealth and power, as if so someone goes window shopping, or browses through a catalog.
In order to teach children a realistic view about all the pop-culture of TV it is essential to let them understand that the people on the Screen are the people that are actively working in order to earn their ‘daily bread’ in life and are less interested in consuming what is presented by sitting on the couch and eating potato chips.
So, if the TV-Craze gets over your heads, dear parents, I’d suggest you take your children to a restaurant and while being served this delicious food I’d ask my children if they rather work in the kitchen cooking and serving the food, or sitting on the table eating the food, which could be a great analogy of how TV works.
Also, if any of you have access to a Photo Shop program on your home computer (the older version can be downloaded for free meanwhile) scan in a picture of yourself and your child and start remove red eyes, wrinkles, blemishes and pimples etc on your face, smoothen your skin with a big brush selecting your skin tone and set the color to about 11% opacity and brush over your skin to remove the pores, then add some glow and blush on your cheeks and then explain to your children, especially young teenagers that this IS how it is done in order to make someone else ‘look so much better’ than a joe-avarage person in magazines, in order for them to sell their skin products, yet the model that is shown in the magazine is simply another joe-avarage person that chose to make her money by posing for pictures to sell a cosmetic product for example.
It is to get educated and to understand how it is done on TV, in the pop-culture in order to expose the magic tricks that are used to make the rest of the world feel bad, yet only if one chooses to feel bad …. Buy your child a magic trick box, so he/she can learn that what appears a real for an audience is simply hard work, precision and knowledge that is hidden from the rest of us, so we can feel good about something that is meant to be an illusion, or FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY!
Let your inspiration and ideas flow, dear parents when your child comes to you and is so very unhappy that ‘next door neighbors’ grass looks so much greener’.
The beauty of this life is that the possibilities are limited-less and therefore each and every child and person will ultimately find their match to be happy as long as one understands what their true desires and passions are in order to contribute and to give back to this world. This means to do what one loves to do and as ultimately these are the things that one does best. So support your children early on to cultivate their personal talents whether it is something you as parents thought about your child should do, or not. Your children already have ways to show you who they really are, and what they are good at, because they want to do it over and over again. The best thing parents can do for their children is to recognize their talents while providing loving guidance for them to succeed in life with what makes them happy and not what You thought they should do with their life. God gave you a life for you to take care of, as God gave your child his/her life to live and to make choices via free will. God gave all of us the same Gift and it is our duty to respect this God-Given-Gift by respecting each other rather and to stay in our own business. True? Once your children feel the freedom to do whatever they desire to do with their live Pop-Culture TV won’t stand a chance, because they look to themselves for advice and to people that truly and unconditionally love them to accept to hear an opinion and to to gain knowledge. As long as they know they are ‘Your Super Star’ they won’t have to get their fix for love, fame and happiness on TV.
And most of all, since there are celebrities are finding themselves in traumatic life situations like for example Britney Spears, it proves that being seen on TV doesn’t prevent a person from personal problems, nor does it provide a path to true happiness. Once they understand that all these people ‘as seen on TV’ are simply ordinary people that chose this to be their job, your child may find it also interesting to become a lawyer, doctor, banker, sales clerk, stewardess, butcher, baker, IT-personal, or graphic designer in order to make their money, and hopefully not being hunted down by Paparazzi
Just an opinion, too.
Love and Light to Everyone,
Yvonne Love.
I make a point of having meals together with the 5 of us, all though my husband sometimes has to work late. Sometimes the kids come home from school with words they think are cool, a lot of times they don’t even know the correct meaning, so we try to explain them what they mean, that they are used out of there context. I find family very important, spending time together, I learn my kids the meaning of the holidays and we spent them with the extended family. Family values, believe, the meaning of good and wrong, use of a correct language are very important to me. A lot of children in my kids school don’t get those values, they act “cool”, and sometimes they use this as a reason to pick on “our kids” who aren’t cool. I explain to my kids that they shouldn’t bother, because in a way they are “cooler”, they know (we learn them) better. They are brought up with good values.
We can’t get rid of pop culture from your children’s minds…nor should we. But what we do have power over is limiting it. We need to find an approptriate balance of values, family and fit in pop culture. Keeping pop culture away from our kids its not real. BUT maintaining a healthy amount is real. What we have to remember as parents, is that we have the first say, the most say and the last say. We are our children’s first teacher and the first guidance that our kids have…are words and thoughts are instilled. Believe in that. The more we deny something to children, the more they want it…give them some pop culture..but put a comfortable cap on it.
I would suggest limiting TV- and being VERY careful about what children are watching is one way to “shield them” from TV culture- which is pretty pervasive–
Having rituals or traditions which are meaningful to children and allow them to participate and have FUN make religion something the children identify positively with- and it provides some structures to live by (ex. lighting candles on Friday night or special meals together on Saturday..)–These structures- I think contribute to a sense of security– The focus on making the world a better place- by improving our own selves and doing for others- is how I think religion helps to build values–Rituals alone without menaing foor the children- I feel is empty.
I think the values we impart to our children also come from the many opportunites we have to interact with them…Incidental moments of noticing something or someone and then talking about it–to me are very powerful moments of making impressions…Developing compassion for others, self-control,and a positive outlook on everyday moments make the biggest differences…
I’ve noticed that some have already touched this notion somewhat, but I believe it needs more emphasis. Always remember that your action speaks louder than words, that’s right, spending quality time and talking to your children about proper values are good ideas, however, if that beautiful Mercedes or Jaguar etc. passes your sight and you go “wow” you just blew it. Rather act your values and your children with their sensitive antennas with get the message pretty clear.
Good Luck,
BTW, I enjoy your articles immensely, keep it up.
As parents of a kindergartener and both being teachers, we see far too often the negative incluences today’s society has on children both young and old. The younger children are listening to lyrics and bringing it into their everyday language while the older children are playing video games that teach you to kill and do drugs. My husband and I strive each day to spend time and answer questions our daughter has. She asks many questions about why kids say or do things and get into trouble at school. We also spend time together as a family everyday and have special nights of games, reading, and outings. Staying true to our faith through church and actions are extrememly important to us. We know the world will be worse before better and with that we can use ourselves as vessels to help the next generation.
My three children grew up in the late 80s and through the 90s. Its already a different world now compared to then, mainly due to the mass media available.
During supper time, we always had the TV off and talked about whatever was brought up. It could be about somebody’s day, it could be a funny story, it could be sports or the arts. It was always noted that no one could be ridiculed for their comments or topic of discussion.
One of the many things we did for our children was to not allow any pop (soda) drinking until after 4 p.m. each and every day. They could drink water,juice,or milk and they were encouraged to do so. Now that all three are in their 20s, they still maintain the “no pop rule”. As parents, we also followed this rule.
As the children grew older, we always told them to express their farewells or greetings in public and to not feel embarrassed about it…such as a hug and a kiss before leaving. Many of their teen friends were envious of them when they seen this display of family affection.
Another thing we did was to go snowshoeing in the bush and find a place to roast weiners. It served a multitude of purposes;family bonding,excercise,
outdoor cooking skills (for eventual camping).
With young children, family bonding is so important, it has to start from birth and continues. A parent can not wait until the child is almost a teen to start getting involved…well you can try but I’m almost postive that the “pop culture” will be the “parent” and maybe too late to intervene.
When I worked with Young Offenders in the Vancouver,B.C. area, I asked this question almost a thousand times; “If you could live your young life over what three things would you want different?” I then told them to think about it before answering.
The most common answers were…
1. To have more time with the parent or parents.
2. To be disciplined with love and not anger.
3. To be told,”I love you.”
The many many Young Offenders I worked with in that Institution wished for family values that they weren’t taught.
As a single mother, a teacher, a student and a leader in my church; I have taught my 5 children to value the virtues. My children like some of the ‘things’ they see but they know to weigh the true value of ‘things’. They volunteer with me at Special Olympics, are involved in our church activities and enjoy sports because of the team atmosphere. Teaching a child that they need others and they are relied on by others, places value on people – not things. They share abilities they were blessed with to help others and they look for the abilities that others can shine with as well. If we are all busy minding our own actions and thoughts, we have no time to deal with the garbage out there.
The best way to teach children this lesson is to believe it yourself and live it. This is not easy, live with one car, without cable TV, tell jokes, don’t go to movies, dress cleanly and simply, be honest, work hard and enjoy it, pray, respect the good in others, need shelter and food not leather seats or air conditioning, understand the difference between wanting something and needing it, cook you own meals, do your own home maintenance, don’t expect perfection, learn to love. Realize that none of this has to do with how much money you make, it has to do with what time of person you are and what you value.
If you always stress to your little ones that faith and family can get you through anything and share examples they will come to know this. Pop culture holds nothing but empty rewards when compared to your family and faith. I have 3 children from the ages of 22, 15, and 6 and they have all faced things I didn’t have to in my early life so it is even more important for family values like faith and togetherness to place first in our life. Even in our small town these pop culture values can cause strife for parents. Hang in there!!
I am so moved by the number of comments that reveal how deeply parents out there are committed to building strong and meaningful relationships with their children. I particularly loved comment number 16 by Mark S. Merritt because of his emphasis is on attachment with our children. I co-facilitate a parenting group for mothers, many of whom have had their children removed temporarily by Child Protective Services, because of allegations (sometimes unfounded) of neglect and/or abuse. Having listened to these mothers for some time now I believe there are deeper issues that subsume the issues of religion and family values. We all want and need strong loving families and meaningful communal connections. Many of us have deep commitments to a religious way of life. The moms that come to me all share these values. However, the differences are, if there are differences, that sometimes in their struggle with overwhelming stresses such as, being a single parent, getting or keeping a job, keeping a roof over their heads, putting food on the table, being caught in an abusive relationship with a partner from which they cannot easily extract themselves, and last but not least, the reality that they themselves were subjected to too much abuse and neglect as children, too often then, their children get caught in the turbulent back water of these stresses. I think the reality is that many, if not most, of us are vulnerable to being abusive or neglectful of our children if we are under enough of those stresses. The challenge is to keep ourselves focused in a compassionate way so that we continue to relate to our children out of love, not fear. We need to remember that much of what we find distasteful or threatening about “Pop Culture” is about young people crying out in rage, or grief, or both, that enough of the meaningful connections and nurturing they yearned for as children was not available to them when they were small, through no fault of their own. I want to refer you all to an incredible parenting book, Children and Grownups are Different: A Book for Grownups Who May Have Forgotten About Being a kid, available free on line by Sandra L. Bloom, M.D. To find it go to http://www.sanctuaryweb.com/Documents/Parenting%20points.pdf . or go to http://www.sanctuaryweb.com then go to Contents and scroll way down to Documents/Parenting points.pdf which is right under Attachment & Trauma. Another website besides this one, that has excellent supportive material – http://www.beyondconsequences.com
As adults, as parents,we are all accountable for our actions now – no matter what nightmares we may be experiencing in the present, or have come from in the past. Building a network of love and compassion, relating / parenting out of love, not fear is an on-going challenge for all of us. May we all join together to support each other in this process and be blessed with success.
I see so many good things above this, and I don’t presume to expand on them; but I offer my observations. One way to counterweight is to live a good example for them, and instill the value that they should try to influence more than be influenced. Not influencing through elitism or bombast, but living out of simple, deep respect for self and others (which requires love). We must earn & keep a place as the prime source of moral authority in their lives. Also, it recently occurred to us that children often enjoy a lot of love from us, but also we should show how to *be* loving – the little sweetnesses of touch and favors done, and thoughtfulness. The power of love demonstrated in a positive way.
Personally, I find that the easiest way to pass on these values is by setting an example yourself as a parent. I am mum to a five year old boy. I constantly ask myself, ‘where do my priorities lie? do they lie in the material things? do I transmit the message to my son that materialistic things are more important that him or me??’. The example has to be set from a very young age. I find it very unfair to label people by what they look like. For example, I never refer to anyone by adjectives that describe a person in any negative light whatsoever. If I am talking about one of his classmates and don’t know his/her name and am trying to make him tell me the name I do not tell him: The chubby girl, the fat boy, the naughty boy. Apart from that whenever we are talking with our children, if we say anything towards the fact that materialistic stuff is important, I think we will be sowing the wrong seeds. Eg: If one tells his child, ‘What a lovely car Uncle has bought! I wish I could afford a car like that!!’ that I believe imparts the wrong value. Whereas if one points to positive qualities in people, Eg: I am so lucky to have you as my child, Or I really enjoy the moment when I see you coming out of the school gate towards me… these little statements make the child aware of his value. Does it sound difficult?? It really isn’t I can tell you. I am not at all a perfect mum….I have much to work upon, but I can say one thing: Work on the things that are difficult for you, work and work to achieve them. The things that come easy, (whatever that is for you as long as it is positive for the child’s growth and perception of you) then do it as often as you can. The ways for showing love to our children are so numerous and varied its a joy discovering them one by one and acting upon them. I wish us parents all the luck…for the sake of our precious children.
My original post #91 provided a peek into what goes toward the parenting of my children. I will expand on that based on what #94 Barbara added. I am a product of a broken home and a ‘victim’ of the foster care system (7 different foster homes)I survived abusive parents, an abusive husband and abusive foster homes. I work two to three jobs regularly. I have shown by example that you can not use your past as an excuse or a crutch. I have instilled in my children (with help from God) the knowledge that they are capable of more than they realize and that you can only control yourself – no one else; That they can make a difference in this world by leaving every situation a little better than they found it. The small things count and little miracles happen everyday; you just have to keep your eyes open to see them. I feel that I have armed my children with self control – something not expressed by the Pop stars of today. That is a topic we do discuss – yes, the other think I have provided my children is the permission to ask, to explore and discuss respectfully, any differences in opinion or view point. They are encouraged to think – often outside the box. It creates a more thoughtful adult capable of problem solving and accepting differences. It also allows them to take responsibilty for their choices and to accept the consequences. I do believe that the pop stars have not had to deal with any of that, so they do make a great study for how NOT to behave. Just my humble opinion.
I have two children, ages 8 and 12. We address all of these issues (beauty, wealth and power) to them in very practical ways, every day. I always tell them that I love them just the way they are and if someone makes fun of them for the way they look, I reassure them that the opionion of one is not the opinion of all and I think they are just perfect. As far as wealth and money, we teach our children valuable lessons about the worth of objects by making them save their own money to buy things they want such as, I-Pods or DS’s. They take much better care of their things than their friends do and they appreciate them more. As far as power, we always encourage our children to do their best, but also instill in them they they can’t always be the best at everything or win everything (contest, ball game, spelling bee, etc.). As long as they had fun, learned something and did their best then they are already a winner in our eyes. I know it is sinking in, because I hear them tell other people, sometimes even their friends things such as, “I did my best and had fun, but somebody else won this time.” It’s very refreshing!
Excellent little Book Barbara …
http://www.sanctuaryweb.com/Documents/Parenting%20points.pdf
if you haven’t taken a look at this book .. it’s worth it.
So true.. and you know; apologizing to our kids is so beneficial! Letting them realize we are learning right along with them is empowering for us all.. when making mistakes ask for forgiveness – This is a must! And smile at your kids, laugh with them.. hug them.. enjoy them.. even when you don’t feel so hot yourself.. SMILE all the time if you can.. be thankful to them for just being beside you in the walk of life we are in
In my home we have monthly family meetings where we discuss personal, religious or worldly issues. Each person gets an opportunity to express their views on whatever is on their mind or they get to comment on something someone else says. This has been very effective for peace,unity and understanding in our home. We pray before we start because sometimes things can get a little heated. lolol
Make the littlest things matter. I have my grandchildren make cards to family members instead of buying them, doing crafts that cost little or nothing,collecting flowers, rocks etc, but let them know that hard work gets you things that you want,and that things are not given to you unless you do work hard, and let them know that they are somebody that you will listen to; their opinion matters.And by all means listen when they talk to you.
To embrace everything that they feel and think and experience when they make the choices that they make. Only they can decide for themselves what they experience based on what they choose about what is out there. I want my children to be empowered by who they are and they know that by being reminded that they are in charge of their choices. I encourage them to embrace what the media is, what America represents with all of its many quips and what they want to do knowing all that. Teach them to be honest particularly with themselves. Never judge their choices but offer them the space and support they need to live out and experience those choices. If we can teach them to love themselves for all that they are they can learn to love others for all they are (including America) without judgement.
Many Americans today consider shopping to be a recreational activity. One of the main things that I have done with my children is to help them differentiate between wants and needs. If we truly need something, then we go shopping. But hanging out at he mall, or “just window shopping ” is not done at our house. As far as beauty goes, I purposefully express to my children that so-and-so has abeautiful spirit, smile, laugh etc. We talk about God’s beauty expressed in many ways around us, by kind actions, words and unselfishness. Transmitting our values to our children and counteracting the societal influence is something that must be done conciously and on purpose.
When standing in line at the checkout, especially the grocery store, I ask my 11 year-old-daughter what her observations are in response to the headlines on magazines. She’s learned to make the observation that most magazines positioned at the checkout make assumptions that we don’t wear the “right” clothes or makeup or don’t weigh the “right” amount among other negative messages. We talk about these messages and how they affect the reader and that WE make the decisions about what is “right” for us–that the decision does not come from a publisher.
Just in the 8 years I have been a mom if there is one thing I learned my 2 boys see and hear every little conversation that we have. If I am tearing someone down or spending on the next best thing then they are going to learn that habit. That is not of God that is this pop culture. If we model the best way we can God’s values then we teach them the God’s Values. I am not saying it is easy because it is not.
They know that we put God first and we are there for each other day by day. To answer the questions that you have asked about pop culuture and American values, I have no idea because I fail everyday at trying to the perfect mom, not letting my kids watch certain shows, don’t buy the bigger and better thing that out etc. We can try every possible thing but God knows that as long as we keep him in sight and our heart is right with him that in the end he wins either way. We just need to keep trying to do the best we know with God at our side and we will be okay in the end.