» Blog Archive » Values Versus Pop Culture

No matter where you live and how sheltered you keep your family, Western values are infiltrating our households.

How do you prevent American values (i.e. that beauty, wealth, and power are the keys to happiness and success) from taking hold in your children’s mind?

What is an effective manner to convey that religious and family values are superior to pop culture?

How have you personally managed to hold onto what is real as opposed to what is currently glittering?

Share your thoughts here:

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 12th, 2008 at 11:09 am and is filed under Parenting Advice, Values & Ethics, Words of Inspiration!, Controversial Parenting Ideas & Styles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

113 Responses to “Values Versus Pop Culture”

Barb says:

We make family dinners a regular occurrence even though it can be hard since everyone has different schedules. I once read that children who regularly eat with their family have a far lower rate of substance abuse, and that makes total sense when you think about it.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:15 am

Jennifer says:

As I was reading one of the pop culture magazines the other day, I realized that people are admiring and attempting to be celebs whose beauty is just skin-deep, and most of them spend lots of time in rehab! Are these the people I want my daughter (now eighteen months) to admire? Thank you for bringing up such an important concept so that I can mentally prepare myself to impart my values, not Us Weekly’s values!

February 12th, 2008 at 11:18 am

Linda Smith says:

As a parent coach, I advise parents to watch tv with their children and discuss what they are seeing and hearing. Talk about the consequences of these behaviors and what your family and faith values are. Also take time to listen to what your children have to say and how they are being influenced. Hear them out and reflect together on the pop culture vs your values.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:31 am

Rachel says:

We talk about good decision making; we watch movies with our girls and keep a running commentary (”Wow, that sounded sassy” “ooo, I bet that hurt her friend’s feelings when she said that” “Oh, man, that is a touch decision, what should she do?”) It is probably annoying, but it seems an effective tool to be informal about it rather than a long lecture. I also have my “touchstone” friends whom I call to bring myself down when i get frantic about a pop culture moment. They help me remember that there are more of us thoughtfully parenting than it feels at times. Family dinners…yup, all about them. delicious.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:33 am

Claire says:

Eating family meals together is extremely important. My son’s best friend has very permissive parents who never sit down together for dinner. It is amazing what a difference this ritual has made in the development of our child compared to his friend. His friend, at age 7, is already very much concerned with being “cool” and using language that he hears adults use, even though he may know that it is not a good way to speak. Eating dinner with your children allows them to participate in the conversations and they feel valued. We also have taken to reading a grace before each meal from a tiny Book of Graces that has added meaning to our family gathering.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:37 am

JoDe says:

At bedtime we talk. We share our three good things for the day and discuss other things that went on during the day, things we were involved in whether real-life experience or pop-culture observations. My three year old loves it and my ten year old counts on the trust I have in him to confide in us.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:38 am

Michael says:

I think pop culture is helping all of us. The Spears sisters - one in and out of rehab and the hospital, one pregnant at 16 - and other celebrities are helping to make pop culture a little less glamerous right now.

I have taken my kids to help those that are less fortunate - soup kitchens, meals on wheels. But even with that, it took a major life changing event (loosing my job) to focus us as a family unit on what is truly important - family and friends. My children got to see the support that I got from our family and our well selected friends. I hope they take those lessons through the rest of their lives. We are truly blessed, and good things happen to good people!

February 12th, 2008 at 11:38 am

Pat Wallace says:

I am a grandma and a believer in feeding childrens’ minds with positive thoughts: talk about women/men in our towns, country that make a difference; both in present day and in the past. Use the local news paper for inspiration. Touch on the negative but concentrate on that positive stuff!!! AND MAKE IT FUN!!!

February 12th, 2008 at 11:38 am

Niki says:

My daughter is really into Hannah Montana right now and all the nice clothes and material things she wears. She really wanted a Hannah Montana room so I went ahead and decorated Hannah Montana Style but I threw in some scripture with it. Amongst all the posters and such I printed out Psalm 45:11, 1 Peter 3:3-4, Deuteronomy 6:5 and then I also found this song by Three Cord Wonder called Made Perfect and the words fit perfectly.

The girl you see in the mirror
isn’t who I see, When I look at you I see reflections of Me, You don’t like your face so you paint over My masterpiece, You hide your face so you hide My face and fail to believe

I made you the way that you would be most beautiful, I planned you way before the universe was born, When you try to change yourself it only makes Me cry, I don’t know why you try to make better what
I made perfect!

My daughter is only 8 but I think these little things will help!

February 12th, 2008 at 11:39 am

Michele says:

Lead by example, turn off the TV and read more, play more, teach your children to connect with nature and their source, acknowledge your children’s feelings, give them what they crave most - your attention, and affirm their great value and worth just for Being.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:39 am

Ede says:

My girls are teenagers now - and let’s face it they are BOMBARDED with this stuff constantly. In school, on TV, on the internet. I as a parent would love to just keep a lovely pink baloon around them and keep them safe from it, but that’s not realistic - nor would I be a good parent if I did. They need to live their own lives and frankly, they have to travel through the muck to do that. What I have done, their entire lives, is TALK to them about this. Sometimes we joke about, sometimes it’s serious, sometimes we struggle with what it all means. But the KEY to dealing with it is COMMUNICATION. ANy kid just needs to know that you as a parent are aware of what they are seeing, experiencing and that YOU take an interest in their life, their joys, their struggles, their questions, their mistakes, their successes and that you know what is going on in the world. They will, however, believe (and tell you) you don’t have a clue. But, rest assured - in the deep places of their small souls - their hearts will hear you and know you love them because you cared enough to TALK.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:42 am

Krista Armitage says:

I allow my children to see what is out there, within reason but continuously talk about it. We also talk about what is right and how people feel. With Valentine’s day around the corner we talked about why everyone should get a Valentine and how someone would feel if they didn’t. Talk, talk, talk and let them see and then talk some more! This is what really teaches children good values.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:42 am

Adriana says:

I think the best way to show them what is really important is to spend quality time with them, and appreciate who they are.

I have a little story about my daughter. She was about 6 years old, and went to a friend’s house to play. When she came home, she had her nails done, and her face a bright pink.

I personally don’t wear makeup, or paint my nails, so she’s never see that at home.

I talked to her about it that night, and told her she was beautiful even without the nail polish and the makeup. We talked about how true beauty comes from the inside, and shines through the actions you take. And we talked about how to say no when someone pressures you into something that you don’t want to do.

She is 13 now, and recently went on a bell choir trip. When she came back, she said: mommy, the girls had to get up an hour early so they can put their makeup on, and do their hair: why do they do that? Don’t they know those things don’t make you more beautiful?

You have no idea how happy I was to hear her say that!

Make time to praise your kids for the things they do now, and show them by example waht’s really important.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:43 am

Tiffany says:

We attend church regularly and discuss what is learned each week; We limit what our ten year old son is allowed to watch and play (movies, video games, etc.), and openly discuss why we have stricter rules than the ‘parents down the street.’ Communication is key. If we just tell him WHAT to do, he’ll want to rebel later, but if we discuss WHY we want better things for him, then he’ll understand and eventually adopt our beliefs as his own. We also use real life examples. We talk about other kids in his school and what they do, and compare it to other people we know (celebs, family members, neighbors, news stories, etc.) and let him see both good/bad consequences. We role play and give him ficticious but realistic choices to make, and let him talk it out. Hopefully, thinking things out ahead of time will help him to make better decisions when he’s faced with a quick choice to make in the future. We also ask him if the other kids’ impression of him makes him who he is - and he realizes that he is defined by HIS thoughts and what HE wants to be, not by what other people think of him temporarily or want him to be in a particular moment.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:44 am

Danika says:

First off, my husband and i try to keep our own ways of living in perspective. Before we give our children “advice” on culture matters, we make sure to get our kids perspective just to see where their hearts are. After making sure we understand, we ALWAYS take them to the word of God. Everything your child could possibly be dealing with is addressed in the word. We try to hold them accountably to what the word says because we as parents can so easily push our kids away based on our on perspective of things. Sometimes a thing is not necessarily wrong, it is just a bit to the extreme. I now realize my parents were not all that bad!!

February 12th, 2008 at 11:44 am

Mark S. Meritt says:

I don’t believe there are easy, magic-bullet answers to this question. I think the best we can do is to raise our kids, from day one, so that their needs are met, so that they feel loved — and then, later on, to make conscious and clear to them through conversation through the rest of their lives that this is what we’ve done and continue to do for them and that this is what we think is worth doing by all people for those that they care about. Attachment Parenting, Unconditional Parenting and other such approaches come to mind especially. By doing these things, kids will develop as strong, stable, independent yet sensitive and empathic individuals. As they get older and are better able to talk about new things, we would then also make conscious through conversation how so much of what surrounds us goes against all of this, how so much is actually harmful and unsupportive of healthful things even though it may often seem harmless or even attractive. This will provide new ways to consciously keep one in touch with real feelings and real needs, in touch with their true selves and their best capabilities. Through all this, they’ll be best able to truly and meaningfully meet their real needs, either by themselves or with the help of others, instead of having vast and varied repressed and misdirected needs which would cause them to try to meet their needs in false and unhealthful ways. In other words, I think the best way to prevent anything unhealthful for kids or people in general is to make them as immune as possible to unhealthful things, and that only happens by making them as healthy as possible in the first place — through healthful parenting first and foremost and forever, always ideally modeled through deed and not just talk, and later through a healthy dose of skepticism and transparency about what goes on in the world around us.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:45 am

Jennifer says:

Since you can’t keep your child from being exposed to pop culture - we talk a lot about it — how TV is not real life - you never see Miley on the school bus and you never see them shopping for groceries. It only shows the fun parts. So you can’t expect your life to be like TV - it’s just for fun. We also talk a lot about what they hear about the Spears sisters and how being a pop star is not as great as it looks. Would they like to have Brittany as their mother? No! Even though she is so pretty? No! It is silly to spend so much time worrying about how you look, when what people really like is what kind of person you are inside. We do limit how much time they can watch TV and explain why we don’t like them to watch certain shows - and we watch with them and talk about what we see and comment on things that we don’t agree with. We say things like, you would never talk that way to your teacher would you? They do that on TV to make it funny - but in real life people should not talk that way if they want to have a good life….etc…

February 12th, 2008 at 11:46 am

Pam says:

We monitor what our kids are exposed to as far as music, TV, games, movies, friends, etc…. We talk often about values and use other people as good/bad examples. We attend church regularly and both our boys are in an evening group at church during the week. Right now I’m taking on a mission at my son’s middle school to stop them from playing ridiculously inappropriate music at the school dances. Consistency is key…but it’s not easy!

February 12th, 2008 at 11:46 am

Tzippy says:

Though it sounds radical, we do not have a television in our home. I have five children, the eldest is seventeen and the youngest is eight. Instead of tv, they go to gymnastics, art, sports, and extra curricular local programs. Their friends have gotten used to the fact that my kids do not have a tv, and they are admired and respected because they are always chosen for sports teams, and to draw and paint for activities in school. They have more time to read books, more time to talk to me and my husband because we are not glued to a tv. I’m a teacher for over 25 years and I can tell you that kids come into class bored because the teacher is not as funny, interesting or entertaining as the characters on TV. My own kids have almost always gotten good grades because they are eager to absorb whatever materials they are being taught by their teachers. It is something to think about!

February 12th, 2008 at 11:47 am

Roberta says:

You can’t teach anything just by telling them. You have to live it - lead by example. You can’t tell them God is important and not go to church and pray with them. You can’t tell them to be generous, and not let them see you give - time more importantly than money.

We must practice what we preach; as always, children still learn what they live.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:47 am

Tammy says:

Be the example! Dress responsibly, talk responsibly, spend money responsibly and treat others responsibily. Most importantly… spend time with your kids! Talk them to the park, the zoo, the live theater, etc. Let them see that the world is more than just TV and video games.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:47 am

Sherri says:

We have to work so hard at keeping the pop culture from replacing time honored values in our home.
We do this by spending tremendous amounts of time talking and listening to our children. We listen with our hearts and our minds, stresing the importance of being caring, loving individuals rather than flighty unpredictable people with only their own pleasure in mind. I often use examples from the media to do this. I try not to be judgemental when pointing out that materialism, wealth and popularity are only short lived and can come with disasterous consequences. Our daughters are old enough to see the consequences in others lives so it speaks to them more than we can at times. I also encourage them to build up and not tear down. This is a trend among the youth that is terribly disturbing and it is so destructive. I encourage my girls to pray for and be compassionate toward those who are unkind.
Recently we were in a river in Tennessee and we were wading. Our youngest commented about the current being very strong. She even took a tumble, luckily Dad was holding on. My very quiet husband told her when she was safely on her feet that this was the nature of the world and all of it’s draws. (Pop Culture) While walking along we are anxious to experience life and see all that it has to offer but unless we go against the current, stay out of the deep holes, watch our footing carefully, and hold fast to our Father’s hand we can very easily be swept away! It was a sweet time for us all and sparked a discusssion on the way home about situations and circumstances best avoided. I thank God for oportunities such as this and know that we forfiet many of them by immersing our children in the “must haves” of our culture.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:49 am

Ludfi says:

We use a set of virtues cards, designed by the vituesproject.com. Each morning before my daughter leaves for school she chooses a virtues card and we go thru the 5min exercise with her. This gives her tools to use in her thoughts and interaction with others.
When she gets home from school we aske her how and when she was able to practice the virtue.
This sets a pattern within her, that a major purpose of our being here is to acqiure the virtues latent within each of us. We believe we have been created noble and there have to live our lives as such. Instilling this in children allows them to have tools that will last the a lifetime and allow for them to respond in a noble and refined fashion to life

February 12th, 2008 at 11:50 am

Elise says:

Teach your children to be generous. Focus on giving all year long and appreciating the blessings in their lives every day. Spend as much time as you can with family and friends and stay away from the TV.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:52 am

Deborah says:

I try to lead by example. I work hard at trying to be myself and not cave in to other peoples expectations of me or my children. I enjoy life and point out the beauty that is all around us, while still reminding my children that no two snow-flakes are the same and that although not everyone share are values - they are deeply loved.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:52 am

Mark says:

For me, I think it’s about enjoying life. I need to be happy with the way I am living and show the joy of living that my values provide. With the relentless marketing that our kids are subjected to (no matter how hard we try to limit it) I need to highlight the benefits of living an honest, uncomplicated, non-materialistic life.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:53 am

Tina Faith says:

Teaching self empowerment is a passion of mine. I’ve found in working with teens that communication is everything! Starting with ‘ears’ to listen and hear what they are really saying and feeling about a certain topic. Then asking thought provoking questions that enable them to think about their choices and come up with those choices on their own.

As a parent of twin teenagers I’ve found that family meals shared together with lively conversation is a must! I also discourage TV viewing as it hypnotises one into a non-thinking state and opens the door for all the ‘negative stuff’ to enter (and begin to fester). We choose TV programs together and mute the comercials. After the program or movie is over we discuss it like one would discuss a good book. We also stopped watching movies/TV just before bedtime and now read something uplifting just before dreamtime.

Whenever one of my twin girls says “ooo…I’d like to be just like ’so and so’” I always question ‘why’ and ask which qualities she would like to empower herself with, then we talk about those qualities and discover that she already has them within her. I believe we all need to be reminded from time to time that we are “enough” and truly… perfect just the way we are.

Honest communication!! very key!

February 12th, 2008 at 11:56 am

Greg says:

Be consistent, lead by example, use thoughtful ways to handle culture/values issues, spend time with them and direct them towards value-based activities : kind of like everything that’s been mentioned. You guys rock.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:56 am

Aurolyn says:

One easy way — GET RID OF YOUR TV!! Ours broke several weeks ago and we haven’t replaced it. Instead we’ve spent more time playing, talking, doing sports, reading at bedtime, snuggling… and my daughter’s head is not filled daily with sexist, racist, and commercial images.
I’m not anti-technology but human connections rock! Way more than the consumerist values pushed on our kids by commercial TV.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:57 am

Kristie says:

We homeschool our three boys. We have family dinners every night. We are all involved with our church and we are involved in our sons’ sports. My husband has even coached many times. We have many discussions about current events including celebrity issues. We even have discussed politics. I believe the best place to learn and grow is a place where you are safe and loved. Christianity is a huge part of our life and household. During the recent tornadoes that came too close to home we discussed as a family how we could help our community. We have donated to our community to help others in need. We want to raise our sons to make a difference!

February 12th, 2008 at 12:01 pm

Jenny says:

We go to church together, pray together every night, and try to eat dinner around the table as a family. I have a 5-year-old daughter and 2-year-old son and I can already see the culture trying to influence my daughter. We just try to keep the emphasis on our family values. That and I don’t buy her everything she wants every time we go to the store! We save gifts/toys for special occasions so they learn to appreciate what they have.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:02 pm

Pam T. says:

We strongly enforce a “Family First, Family Fun” atmosphere in our family. Dinner is shared every night around the table with no media distractions and we discuss the day’s events. We spend every available moment exploring our world as a family…art exhibits, musical performances, museums, science experiences. We do not turn the tv on during the school week, and on weekends it is very limited. Instead, we read. We say that we read to act and then read more to answer questions raised by our actions. For instance, a book about sea animals would be followed by a trip to the aquarium or ocean and then supported by more detailed reading and learning about what we saw. We are very active in their school and with their activities. We show them with our time that their lives are important to us. My children garden, cook, do yard work and laundry, and understand that the time spent on those endeavors allows us the freedom to have fun as a family. This has been our life style from the beginning and our children see it as the norm, not the exception.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:06 pm

Mim says:

I actually use the words “family values” with my soon to be 13 year old. When students started getting cell phones in 4th grade, I made a deal with her. When five of her friends whose families had the same family values as us got their girls phones, I would get her a phone. We made it until the end of 6th grade! She understands what our values are and knows what we want for her in terms she understands.

The influence of pop culture will always be there but talking about it and making sure your child knows how your family feels about something from the start makes it much easier to reinforce this than having to backpedal.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:13 pm

Missy Hodgdon says:

Every night in our prayers we ask (among other things) that “when we grow up to be what we want to be”. We try and stress that what makes you happy is the best thing. We try and teach the boys that new and better is not “the best.” That this is our planet and we need to take care of it. We take vacations that are more about nature and having fun together and finally that giving is even better than getting.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:13 pm

Don Logan says:

Well, when we desire to have our family and religious values trump the values of a popular culture we must take the following steps:
1) Realize that we will be swimming upstream. This will not be a battle easily won because we read to our children at night, or say at prayer at the dinner table. We will have good and bad days, but the battle will be won with a consistent approach over a long period of time.
2) Do a heart and gut check to make sure that you are trying to instill something that is also true for you as a parent. If this isn’t done, we have no shot. If making more money and climbing corporate ladders, watching our favorite tv shows and wearing the right clothes are important to us as parents…well that is the lesson that will be taught rgardless of what we say or wish for them.
3) Turn off the tv. Turn off the tv. Play. Walk. Make tents. Cook together. Run errands. Do crafts. Read books. Turn of the tv. The tv isn’t nuetral, it is the adversarial communicator of family and religious values.
4) Realize that self-esteem comes from doing something, not being something. So if we, as parents, make it a priority to do service projects with our family like giving toys to needy children, building a house for a needy family, serving at a soup kitchen, etc., then our children will formulate a deeper self-esteem that can withstand the pressures of an immature popular culture. Ths can be true with activities as well, but we must be careful to not become competitive in sports with a popular mindset of winning=value.
5) Pray. Pray with your spouse when they are sleeping. Pray.
6) Let go.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:16 pm

Deborah says:

I believe that these three tennets ARE the keys to success in life….but we view them very differently in our home.
1. We tell all of our children that they are beautiful. In a physical sense it is because they are unique, but beyond that they are beautiful from the inside because they love, they give to, they share with and they respect other people.
2. They are wealthy. My husband and I do not make a ton of money, we are comfortable but we both still have to work. We ensure that our children make the most out of everything they have….toys have spanned generations in our family, clothing is shared among cousins and siblings. But they are rich beyond their wildest dreams with love, family, support and friendship. Millions of dollars can be a wonderful thing, but absolutely worthless if you have no one to share it with.
3.Our children are powerful….they have enough power to make someone smile, make someone cry, make someone laugh and to make their own life into whatever they want it to be…..how can one ever have more power than that? It’s important to teach children how to wield that power effectively and to remind them daily that they have the power to bring about positive change in their lives and the lives of others. Show your children that they have the power, let them donate a toy they no longer use to a family shelter, or volunteer in a soup kitchen if they are older.

Beauty, Wealth and Power have nothing to do with looks, money or status, but everything to do with how you live your life.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:21 pm

Kym Plougher says:

We discuss the consequences of poor action by the various celebrities and bad behavior depicted in television shows. My kids, twins 12, 5 year old, also know that if they try to copy any of the behaviors that they may see on t.v. I will turn it off until I see proper behavior. Homeschooling also helps bring down the amount of peer related behavior issues, the kids are also involved in sports and scouts and are too busy to find time to be bad!

February 12th, 2008 at 12:24 pm

ali webb says:

I believe that we need to raise our children to be critical thinkers. Blocking them from T.V. and unhealthy shows only breeds ignorance. (Of course,sitting your 5 year old down to watch an R movie is not what I am talking about). Sitting down and talking to our children about their thoughts and sharing mine, which includes the pros and cons of things we see, hear and watch, is what will make our children grown up to be wholesome thinkers. Talking to our kids and hearing each others ideas is the most valuable time one can spend with them. We will not always be around to tell our children what to watch and how to act, so let’s spend time trying to build those values in them so they are intrinsic to our children.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:28 pm

Carolyn says:

I have a 10 year old & 3 year old twins. We go to church pretty regularly, and I try to make sure that they have interesting ways to learn about God & His sacrifice for us.
My oldest attends Youth Group every Wednesday while my mom & I attend a small group Bible study. The twins go & play in the nursery at the same time, so they see that church is a great family place.
We have also started to have as many meals at the table as possible. Even if it has been a crazy day & we are just having a bowl of cereal, it is good to sit there together, away from the television.
We try to play games together when possible & I just try to stay involved in their lives. Always present, but instead of preaching at them about God, we talk about the way Jesus handled issues & confrontation.
We are far from perfect, but seem to be improving. God Bless.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:31 pm

ChristineMM says:

We talk about things as a family, not huge discussions but many small conversatons through the day and as things come up.

We watch television together and we discuss things. Some of the shows we watch are surprising to my parent friends but we learn a lot from them. We watch SuperNanny and discuss if the kids are acting nicely to each other, how do they think the kids are taking to the parents and so forth. Actually after watching that the first few times my kids behavior got better as they saw what it looks like from the outside (siblings hitting each other in anger, name calling, instigating, talking disrespectfully to the parent, etc.).

We talk about negative things we see in the media and in real life. We talk about the feelings and emotions. Rudeness seen on the playground or rudeness seen on The Suite Life of Cody and Zach are the same thing.

I limit TV watching to certain shows. I tell my kids why they cannot watch certain shows. For a very long time those Disney channel shows were not allowed in our home.

I have been giving in on some things now that my oldest is ten. It just gets hard when so many kids they know are doing things and watching stuff that they cannot. It gets to a point where I felt my kids were really ‘out of the mainstream’.

I think it is better to have a little of the mainstream and to discuss it then to keep it all out and to not address the issues, to not teach about it. Sometimes it really is best, for example, to see a popular TV show and then talk about the downsides of it, then to not let them watch it and to try to teach about those concepts in more abstract ways (the kids have a hard time learning that way). Plus my kids were growing resentful.

Regarding our religious views, or values also taught in the Bible, we show the ‘negative thing’ then discuss the ‘better way’. They are 99% of the time in agreement with us, surprisingly.

Lastly, we try to keep a balance of the negatives of the pop culture by letting in a little and dealing with it but having other things going on too. We don’t ‘obsess’ on pop culture things here, especially if they are negative in any way or ‘the in thing’. For example my kids watch less than an hour a day of TV of their own time which then has to be picked from Hannah Montana, Suite Life, or Mythbusters or some other show.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:32 pm

Janette says:

My motto and my signature on almost all of my emails has been, “The best things in life aren’t things”. I found that to be a motive to live by and teach my kids to live by as well. Not only do we eat together but we attend all their sporting events, school functions (that includes volunteering on occasion) and church as a family.

Although our kids (10 & 12) have a couple gaming systems, we also incorporate outdoor activities in the evenings when their schedule permits and every weekend. There are multiple things to do from camping, swimming, hiking, fishing, hunting or numerous places to go and events to attend. On the “off” weekends, we pool together and get work done around the house and in the yard. It’s a great team-work effect that we can all share when we work and play together.

A person’s income should dictate how you live, not whatever everybody else has. As we have gotten older we’ve realized that we don’t need to have the newest car, the prettiest house or the latest technology gadget on the market. Mostly because we simply can’t afford to “keep up with the Jone’s”. Instead, we try to save more money for our future and for our children’s future. I bring my kids to the bank on occasion with me to conduct various transactions so they are familiar with saving and watching their money grow.

I believe the world has gotten so commercialized that some are believing they cannot live without certain items. If you can keep in perspective wants versus needs - you should be fine. Keep these things in mind and try to help your kids remember them as well. Love, not material items creates happiness. Communication is key and finally - THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE AREN’T THINGS~

February 12th, 2008 at 12:36 pm

Cheryl says:

I started at a very early age introducing, not forcing, religion to my children. Instilling not only spiritual values, but family values as well. I am the mother of 3 children, but have two teenagers living with me as well. Girls who struggled in thier own family enviroment, but thrive in mine. My eldest daughter is 16 just barely taking herself out of the kid gate and into the adult one. She still stands firm on how she was raised. Family comes first, then Morals and self respect. In return she has been a great influence on the other two teens living with me. She listens to todays music and sees the Brittanys and has nothing but remorse for her. She says “had she stood by her morals and respected herself she would have never gotten into the mess she is in now”. We have to have faith in our children that they can handle all the information we give them at an early age and remember it as they grow. Good foundations induce good discissions.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:42 pm

Rob says:

I believe that being together as a family in close proximity to one another, such as at the dinner table or driving in the car without TV or hand held games, is a necessary foundation for communication. Most importantly, in order to prevent children from adopting pop culture values, we as parents need to lead by example. This means to not spend money frivolously on yourself, such as “treating yourself” to new/expensive things, like cars, clothes, and dinners out. If you feel the need to make an exception to this rule, get a hot tub. For us it has been the best bonding environment for the whole family while feeling a bit indulgent for the parents. Also, many parents buy things for their children out of guilt over a divorce, or over not having spent enough quality time together with their children, because of work, or personal interests, etc. This may help the parent feel better in the short term, but it is a common mistake and must be avoided. Presents are no substitute for presence.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:44 pm

sa says:

For children that are 10 and older I think it is appropriate to point out that the lives of the people who are in the limelight for achieving the american dream–the actors, singers show biz wiz’s etc. are overwhelmingly empty.
That obviously the pursiut of oney and material possessions and the worship of physical body and physical pleasures do not bring hapiness.

I think we must also work from when our children are yound to model those values that we want them to internallize and to develop a deep and meaningful relationship with each of our children so that they will want to follow our ways.

We cannot spend every conversation talking about money, acquistions, or looking good to the exclusion of other things and then expect them not to follow suit.

I had my teenagers read a report on lottery winners that showed conclusively how money did not buy happiness.

But if you want them to see the world through the morals and values you cherish. your home must be a happy one.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:45 pm

Lisa-Marie says:

I can only speak for myself and I truly feel that the society that I live in is a direct reflection of myself. Although I agree that our society is exhibiting some behaviors that are less than life affirming, if I am completely honest with myself, I am not completely blameless in all this. There are often times when I judge myself based on the achievements and the abilities of others. Someone told me the other day “remember that when you are pointing the finger, three fingers are pointing back…” If I love myself and am gentle with myself when I realize I made a decision that is less than life affirming I know my kids are watching and that’s the best way to teach them.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:47 pm

Caroline says:

Hi. We’re not a Christian family, so this side of things doesn’t come into our life, but for a couple of years now, I have tried pointing out to my 10 y/o what adverts are really saying, what they are trying to make you do/feel/want, and already she seems to be getting cynical about them! I like the ideas about discussing what’s happening in films etc, I shall try and do that. But, there are still the teen years to go yet, when appearances/labels/what the friends think, to come and be stronger than what parents say. I agree that being ‘with’ her, listening to her and letting her make her own choices are the best preparation I can hope for, and just hope that she can make smart decisions, or at least learn from her mistakes without too much harm coming to her.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:50 pm

Donna says:

I try to remind my children that I am responsible for their little souls right now. And I will one day be accountable to God for what I allowed them to see or do no matter what everyone else is doing.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:51 pm

Tiffany says:

In our we limit TV time and only approved shows can be viwed. We also have a collection of Biblical Dvds for the kids.

We read to our kids every day from books that we feel convey good values and morals.

We eat dinner together every night.

We spend time toether doing fun and educational things.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:52 pm

Bryanne says:

One thing that worked for my parents that I have incorporated into my own parenting style is questioning your child. What do you like about that celebrity? If you knew them in person would you be impressed by the way they treat the people around them? Who else do you admire and like to be around? My parents always modeled behavior in keeping with our family’s values as well. If we knew someone who had lots of money (or beauty, or whatever) but was not a nice person my parents were very clear about why they did not spend time with them.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:54 pm

Daddo says:

Set an example by your actions. There’s nothing wrong with material things, but you need to spend money in ways that will really improve your life, not just impress your neighbors. Turn off the TV except for use as a player for selected DVDs and videos. (At least 1,000 great movies were made before 1970!) Make sure your children see the latest pop-star tragedies on the front of the supermarket tabloids; then discuss the stories with your children. Include your children’s friends in a family activity when they visit. Take your children to the local courthouse (it’s open to the public) so they can see what happens to adults who steal, drive drunk, use drugs, etc. Make sure your children know that it is perfectly OK to be “out” with the “in crowd.”

February 12th, 2008 at 12:54 pm

Jeannine says:

I have found over my 15 years of parenting that having a solid connection to my children has made all the difference. They make mistakes and I allow them to make those mistakes but I am there when they need to talk to someone and I know who their friends are. I encourage them to be individuals and let them try being like others until they realize that is not what they want. Family is the most important thing at our house and we eat supper together 5 nights out of 7 each and every week. I also set the example for them by being an individual and doing and standing up for what I believe in. I try hard not to let society sway me as to what is cool, Take me or leave me, I am me and my children are learning that that is OK. If not the best thing for everyone.

February 12th, 2008 at 12:54 pm

James Hutson says:

I have found that the old axiom of emulation is 99% of the work of instilling the values that you want your children to hold on to and develop their unique characters to. My son has watched me work in ministry as a chaplain, has helped me as an usher (he was the only junior usher around and actually inspired another little guy to do another ministry). My daughters look at how I respond to their mother and have actually have boy ‘friends’ that will treat them like that. I have given them support and inspiration to seek out their faith and to define their worldviews to reflect the progress their faith has as they develop their relationship with God.
Simple in words, harder in effort.

February 12th, 2008 at 1:01 pm

Michele Larson says:

Some of the ways my husband and I try to counter act
the shallowness of the pop culture is homeschooling,
attending church several times a week, spending alot of time together and talking about the things we see or hear on television. We havent been too good at limiting television but the kids can usually tell if something is silly, or stupid or untrue. Rather than to totally shield them we’ve tried to teach them to see through things and not believe everything they hear, even if it’s from a grown-up!

February 12th, 2008 at 1:02 pm

Jennifer M. says:

We talk, talk , talk! I am always looking for teachable moments on this topic, luckily(?!) there seems to be plenty of opportunities to talk about our pop culture’s values versus our familiy’s religious values. I’m also always looking for good children’s books that talk about what’s REALLY important. Right now we’re reading “Somebody Loves You Mr. Hatch.” It’s a wonderful story about caring and friendship.

February 12th, 2008 at 1:07 pm

Kathi says:

Family dinners are a great way to stay in touch and have lively discussions. We sometimes discuss a portion of Scripture, sometimes we discuss a true American hero’s story whether contemporary or historical. Community serivce and giving have also been a part of our family life. Whether it is serving at a soup kitchen or donating to an organization, it gives our children some perspective on what truly matters.

February 12th, 2008 at 1:11 pm

Elsy R Monroy says:

Your question concerning what to do to save our children from the current culture that seeks to destroy them has a very simple answer but very hard to carry out. No, you do not have to destroy the TV or yank the radio off the wall or fight with your children. That is almost impossible to do. What is possible to do and which is very hard, is to surrender to the mercy of God and pray for the fortification of our children’s minds, bodies, souls and acts. This is a daily prayer that every parent must institute and must voice daily out loud to the children as they prepare to go to their places of study and work, and as they surrender to sleep. It is important to spend an hour in adoration with the Blessed Sacrament to grow in this area and to ask for His inspiration in this department. We must also pray as parents for us to grow in demonstrations of reverence to God in the way we behave in Church, blessing ourselves as we pass a church building where we know the Blessed Sacrament is housed. It is in this manner that we will be graced with the grace to be reverent to our own bodies, minds, souls and acts which will shield us and our children from the culture of death.

As I said, it is simple and yet hard but we must pray to make Jesus the center of our lives and remind our children daily that they must make Him the center of their lives by being examples of good behavior, never using irreverent language or His sacred name in vain.

May God bless all the readers of this advise to a deep understanding of why it is that we have a battle in our hands that can only be conquered through a constant awareness of our due reverence for the Holy Trinity. Also to teach our children a few prayers in the language of the Church: latin. The Jewish people teach hebrew to their children, why aren’t we Christians teaching latin prayers to ours?

February 12th, 2008 at 1:14 pm

Rosie says:

I believe that the only way anyone develop a value is living it day in and day out. I love to tell my girls that they are so beautiful the moment they come into my bed in the morning. I acknowledge their kind, loving hearts when they do something kind for someone else. I try to do things for others just because. We also take time to admire the beautiful things God has blessed us with, the always perfect sunset, trees, birds and even snow. When we come across something that is not so beautiful and good we talk about it.

February 12th, 2008 at 1:18 pm

Marsha says:

I agree with Rosie. Children mimic the parents. Our own actions, our own values and conduct plays a big part in making or breaking our kids…

February 12th, 2008 at 1:40 pm

Jeanne says:

We have family meals. We talk about what is important in our lives. We put things into perspective with what we want and what we truely need. We spend time together and do family things. We play family games and we watch tv together. Talking seems to be the best way to know what is going on in our childrens lives.

February 12th, 2008 at 1:40 pm

Mary-Anne says:

Keeping external influences on our four children to a minimum is an ongoing challenge. Peer pressure, media, shopping, video games — all combine too easily to create a culture of comparisons, jealousy and rivalry. We find harmony can be restored in a few ways:
1) instituting “no electronics” from 5:30 - 7:30 every night. No MSN, no TV, no Internet access, no cell phones. HOmework that requires internet research must be done before or after those hours.
2) instituting “no electronics” for two weeks during the summer, when we stay at our cabin on Shawnigan Lake. They are allowed cell phones during this time.
3) family walks — we take the dog for a walk around the neighbourhood all together at least once a week. It looks like we will have to schedule this as we do for #1 and #2, as it is not happening often enough.
4) family dinners — at least five times a week, regardless of our schedules. The kids take turns being responsible for the dinners. They plan the menu (under my supervision), prepare the food (with my assistance), set the table, invite a friend (if they wish), say grace and light a candle.
5) family driving trips — don’t groan. those long drives to the prairies give us a week to talk about whatever comes up. And, believe me, lots comes up when the hours are long!

all the best!
Mary-Anne

February 12th, 2008 at 2:07 pm

Beatriz says:

Here is one thing I do. We do have cable and the kids watch shows like Sponge Bob. We record everything. Then we fastforward all comercials. I do not allow them to watch those popular Disney shows like Hannah Montana or other like those. I think those shows give a false interpretion of what is to be a kid or teenager. So far that has helped us a lot.

February 12th, 2008 at 2:09 pm

Becky says:

Children must see what their parents value. Being a living example is the best way our children will learn. If our priorities are right and our children see what is important to us and what is real to us, they will be able to focus on what real life is. It is our responsibility to guide our children in the right direction.

February 12th, 2008 at 2:55 pm

Soraya says:

This is a great question! I am just amazed you are questioning western values. As I thought only new comers would be afraid to loose ground with their own values. It is sad though, that western value would be summarized in the pop culture, as a lot of my western friends share the same values I have.
The problem is that only this aspect of the western values are very well exported to the rest of the world, and that’s what a lot of people in the rest of the world are fighting against, because they are as much frightened as you are.
As a new comer to this wonderful country, I made sure we kept the best of our values and I borrowed what I found great in the US (COMMUNITY SUPPORT).
We try to transmit them to our kids through example. Religion is important, but acting the right way is more important to us. We wanted our kids to grow in the respect of other’s, celebrate the difference and learn from it. Learn to make their own judgment by learning languages, read the information from different sources, be attentive to other cultures and religions and experience them, not have a bias about the lower socio economic families. This election time is really valuable, as I wanted my kids to know who the democrats and republicans are. Who are the special interest groups and lobbies and how they affect the daily life of American people. Why it is important to be fully active as a citizen to maintain a democracy. I always told my kids that I will be proud of them whatever the life path they wanted to pursue, if they have strong ethics, they are passionate about what they are doing and they take seriously every person or situation. We share family meals every day, we have no TV channels, very limited non violent games, my 12 years old likes to listen to the news, he wakes up with NPR, we have some nice discussion during breakfast they all love reading, we discuss politics, economy, science… I opened a discussion about sex and porn with my 12 years old as I heard some kids were downloading stuff in iphones, PSP…!!! I don’t understand why the kids need to have all this… We talked about babies and why an early pregnancy is fatal for both girls and boys… My kids know that they can talk about any subject with us with no taboo.
Are they going to be protected? I am sure more than some other kids, but there is no certainty about it.
One thing is important though, we need to know who our kids are, and unfortunately it is hard to do if we are not available, if we work full time, if we are not completely committed to them. We need to know them well so we can better protect them and we can notice quickly when they are not well.
Unfortunately, we need a lot of money to offer a good education to our kids in this country, pay for interesting camps, expose them to culture (very expensive!), most of the dads have jobs where they have to be away for the whole week, sometimes the week-end, and you find a lot of almost single moms which is not the best for the kids’ balance. I think we need to be as much afraid of the life style as the pop culture.
I have a question about the school system. Are you in favor of a school program set up in the federal level for the whole nation instead of being controlled by different board of educations in each county? The US spends per pupil more than any country and yet the level in math and science is so low (public or private schools).
Sorry for this long message!!

February 12th, 2008 at 2:59 pm

Drew Janner says:

We talk to our kids every day about what is truly important and try to lead by example. Action really does speak louder than words….

February 12th, 2008 at 3:14 pm

Kathleen says:

We are a homeschooling family, with some experience with our local elementary school system. We have dinner around the table together on at least 5 nights per week. We have abundant opportunities to discuss our day. We try to instill in the children that your faith and family will last you a lifetime and will help you through the struggles that life will throw at you. Fancy cars and having the “latest thing” are only passing trends and only provide for temporary satisfaction, sometimes compelling us to look for the next big thing to make us happy.
We closely monitor TV and materials that are viewed to promote realistic values.

February 12th, 2008 at 3:20 pm

Liz says:

It is a constant battle. We monitor what they watch on TV and online and who they hang out with and try to do our best to lead them and show them the way.

February 12th, 2008 at 3:20 pm

Beth says:

We don’t watch ET or gossip shows. We don’t make a big deal about appearance or material things. And, we talk about the things they see. I can hardly wait until Zoey (Jamie Lynn Spears) has her baby. Think of the teaching moments THAT will provide! My oldest is in third grade and he already is feeling peer pressure about material things and the way he dresses and looks. Our answer is to talk about it-honestly. Because it DOES matter to a 12 year old if they don’t have the ‘in’ shirt. Or a cell phone. Eventually, they’ll realize that. But they’ll have to have that come from within and with their faith.
I grew up in a family that didn’t place value on those things. We just didn’t participate! Of course, that didn’t prevent me as a tween or teen from wanting to be worldly. But I didn’t go to extremes like some of my friends and my values stayed pretty close to my parents’. And now that I’m a parent? I get it!

February 12th, 2008 at 3:33 pm

Latoyya says:

I read a comment above from a parent that thinks the pop culture isn’t so glamorous right now. She is completely correct. I use these events to let my 8 year old know that things are not as they always seem. I let him know that everyone has choices and those decisions are what makes a person. Some of the celebs today have made horrible choices, but now that he has seen what those choices have done to these people, he gets it. Now that’s what I call reality tv…

February 12th, 2008 at 3:39 pm

Erika says:

I have little inspirational quotes spread all around the house. On the note paper is one of my favorites: It’s what you do with what you have that makes you who you are.

Reminding kids that it’s not all about what you can and can’t acquire and HAVE is pretty important. The great and most remembered people in the world were not hung up on culture, money and class. They simply had a burning desire and they followed their heart.

February 12th, 2008 at 3:46 pm

Opal says:

One of the things we have done with our son is to stress, that we as a family have an assignment from God. That he is to share His(God’s) love with others, that we put people before things. Like most kids he wants things that he sees, my husband and I have emphasized that we want things to but we must again focus on people and not things. He now must work for the things he wants, we give him the choice of a job, if he wants an item bad enough he does the job, if not he will not do the job therefore he doesn’t get what he wants. I don’t know if this make sense but that is what we do, stressing along people over things.

February 12th, 2008 at 3:50 pm

Holly says:

Our family “keeps it real” by trying to be diligent with recognizing those teachable moments. However, with a teen-aged boy, we need to be mindful of not being too “cheesy”. Living in Chicago (the city no less!) provides a glimpse into the lives of others in varying economic life styles, acknowledging the difference and not superiority is key.
Family dinner time has always been a time for great discussions and honestly even harder to sustain; we meet only 3-4 times a week for a true sit-down dinner. Watching the presidential debates has also brought us closer together.
I’ve adopted a personal credo to alleviate parent guilt, “as long as I keep learning, I am still in the game!”. I might have read that from one of Ellen’s e-mails. . . .

Best to all and God Bless.

February 12th, 2008 at 4:47 pm

Margoe says:

I have learned to say no to the things I really am oppsed to and say yes occasionally to the things that are ok- but making a child wait while all his friends are getting things is a life lesson that we don’t always get what we want, when we want it. And sometimes something is even more special when we have waited for it!

February 12th, 2008 at 5:14 pm

Shannon says:

It really is a difficult job, no matter where you turn there’s something about Britney or Paris or Lindsay or whomever. In our family we make sure we PARENT and try to be good role models. Our daughter participates in soccer, ballet, and piano because staying busy (but not overscheduled) tends to keep girls out of trouble. Also, I agree with other posts about family dinner. It’s essential and we do it almost every night. I try to be a good female role model for her by not obsessing about my weight, or worrying too much about how I look. I want her to take pride in her appearance but not obsess over her looks. Talking honestly about my day encourages her to talk honestly about her day. I am a high school teacher so I see the negative effects of a lack of parenting so am extra vigilant to keep it real!

February 12th, 2008 at 5:45 pm

Graham says:

One way is to make sure thst every negative seed planted in the minds of your children by so many media devices is immediately replaced with wholesome truth.

February 12th, 2008 at 6:55 pm

liz Scarpelli says:

We did not allow our kids to watch TV or computer until after three years old. We still limit access to both in terms of time and what they are allowed to see. We gave them organic toys. A plastic boat is always a plastic boat but a stick is a submarine and a plane and a…. the possibilities are endless. We supplied our kids with paper bags, sand, the back yard and let their imaginations wild and we got down in the paper bags, the sand and dirt and played. We dug up bugs and insects and asked them about the wonder of all God’s creations. We often have conversations about respect of others and themselves and we ask them to talk about what’s important to them. Open dialogue and asking kids non judgemental questions is a great way to improve your relationship and it influences your child’s values. When they know they are respected they become more respectful.

February 12th, 2008 at 7:23 pm

Karen Brown says:

As I read through some of the comments I frequently saw the word talk. Yes, talking to your child is important, but perhaps more important is to listen and not judge. Listen, listen, listen, then discuss.

February 12th, 2008 at 7:43 pm

marjorie wingrove says:

I’m going to take the question quite literally. Prevent anything from getting into our kids’ heads? Impossible. And I don’t want to prevent anything from getting into my kids’ heads. I want my kids to be free-thinking individuals. Do I want my kids to be shallow, celeb-worshipping, pop culture geeks? Mmm. There could be worse things. I have a previous husband who makes his living interviewing celebs and reviewing movies- he likes it. One niece has her room slathered in pix of all the prominent Hollywood hunks, and she’s studying geography and urban planning at university. I have an adoration still, for Donny Osmond. I know, goofy. However, it’s healthy escapism, as far as I’m concerned. The stuff we don’t “approve” of, well, we don’t keep around the house. My son goes to a friend’s house where they have every awful toy and TV show I can think of. He likes it there. Then he comes home and sees what our values are. We have a full life. We do lots of different things. We read tons. We dance. We watch old movies (Singin in the Rain, today). Limits are good. Total restriction is not healthy. My current husband was exposed to only one kind of music growing up and that made him kind of snotty when it came to appreciating plain old pop or rock. It left him out of some social circles. Well-rounded. Open-minded. It does truly sadden me when I see families who’ve lost closeness because they rely on TV/computer or every horrid toy to entertain the kids instead of being a family together. I’m sure my dad would’ve loved for me to not get being an actress into my head, but, alas, alack, I did and went on to have a very rewarding, creative career. “Your children are not your children….”- Kalhil Gibran.
Blessed be.

February 12th, 2008 at 7:51 pm

Faith says:

I have a teenaged son now. We always sit down to dinner and talk about all sorts of things, from sex to what happened during his day. He is having a lot of peer pressure to ‘buy’ things that his friends have and to watch or do inappropriate things. I listen and don’t give any value judgements but pose questions back at him that make him think about outside forces, how his friends’ parents do not really care about them & don’t spend time with their kids like we do. I have talked to him about the Internet and TV shows and I strongly limit TV time; for every 30 minutes of reading that he does he can earn 15 minutes of TV time that is appropriate. Since we only get NBC and PBS, it makes it easy to know what he is watching. I usually watch it with him. Another thing I have done is to make sure that he understands that what is sown is also reaped - no matter how good or bad it is. Since I am a teacher, he has learned that homework and knowledge are powerful tools; I am also a strong advocate that we, as parents, must be good role models for our children. Leading by example has worked for me in school and at home.

February 12th, 2008 at 7:51 pm

Hadassah Aber says:

This topic is so important. We really limit what culture our kids are exposed to by not allowing TV or pop radio in our home. we also don’t go to movies or have a video player in our home and /or car. What is out there is so rude, crude, and embarassing.
We also eat dinner as a family and discuss all kinds of things together.
Education is valued as well as reading, and creative projects.

February 12th, 2008 at 8:24 pm

Willy says:

First of all, we need to realize that we can’t do it on our own. Prayer to God is what is needed first and foremost. Secondly, a wild and crazy idea I know; get rid of the T.V. We have a VCR/DVD player, and control what our children watch. The part I like the most about that is the fact they are not inundated by the commercials. Are my children deprived? They are happy, well adjusted children, and don’t even miss whatever it is on T.V. that they’re missing. Life is not perfect, but keeping the lines of communication open, and being the example yourself of how you would like them to act goes a long way to teaching them.

February 12th, 2008 at 8:50 pm

Aliza G says:

My 12 year old daughter and I talk, talk, talk. One of the things we recently talked about was a friend of hers who has every new gadget and trendy clothes item a kid could have. But - her parents hardly ever spend any time with her. From what my daughter tells me, they woudl rather buy her something to hold during the night when she is scared than spend time with her trying to find out what is wrong.
Plus my daughter and I attend religious services often enough to have an impact. She also goes to religious school (I teach there as well). We discuss what is really important and what isn’t. And how time I spend with her will be remembered long after the ipod nano has been lost in a drawer somewhere.

February 12th, 2008 at 8:54 pm

Julie says:

While I don’t think we are completely resistant to the pop culture influence, joining the Cub Scouts has been wonderful for our family. I was reluctant to join at first because of the BSA position on girls (btw, now they have Venture Scouts for young men and women), God (I am a Unitarian Universalist and have managed to use the reference to faith in my own way and my church is establishing a Religious Emblem program with the BSA)and gays (can’t do anything but work from within on this one). However, if has been great for my older son who has Asperger’s to be involved in a group setting were his disability is not so apparent. Now my husband is an Asst. Cubmaster, I am a den leader and we have one Webelo scout and one Tiger scout. Our involvement in scouting gives us many opportunities to camp, hike, give back to the community, and work toward achievements as a family. The achievements often coincide with goals we have for our own children and they are fun to work on. We have expanded our social circle to include many of the scout families. We have so much more to do than pay attention to the pop culture. However, my son’s Webelo leader did use Britney Spears as a negative example during a drug awareness component of one of the Badges.

February 12th, 2008 at 9:39 pm

Patricia B says:

We live on a farm; having chores to do and caring for animals is a wonderful way to bring up children. Milking goats, showing goats, making soap and yogurt.. collecting eggs, learning to cook those eggs, and make delicious cheese! Pottery.. learning to throw soap dishes, and bird dishes.. raising canaries.. for color, for song … listening to them sing .. going for walks, playing in the snow.. making snow men.. snow ball fights. learning to shoot a bow and arrow, hiking trails, sledding, skiing when we can afford it. No TV.. very limited computer time. Reading great books .. and listening to books on tape.. swimming in the summer.. riding bikes.. all sorts of things to keep one busy!

February 12th, 2008 at 9:56 pm

Yvonne says:

Beauty, Wealth and Power are a result of being happy in the first place, because beauty shines from within. It is important to let our children know that they are beautiful, no matter what type of images the TV displays as ‘being beautiful’. No one on TV looks alike either, so if a child feels beautiful from within the child is already wealthy, because power results from self-confidence in order to accept one-self for who a person is. It is also important to let our children know that TV is a business for entertainment just like a school is there for education, or a farm provides food for the many, and most of all that everything and everyone has their unique place in this world which are all of equal importance.

It is empowering to see my little girl already spelling and writing short words at 4 and half years old. She is happy doing this and she feels like a super-star. I am making sure that she will capture this moment in her life, so when later on she starts to get judged by others she is able to go back to this moment when she felt great about herself, as this way she can use her own emotional memory as resource by understanding how good she felt when she was just doing what she liked to do best at a certain point and time in her life, as it matters not what others think and feel about her talents, her beauty or intelligence but that the only way happiness can be achieved by one feels about one-self.

She is learning that even on TV there are characters that she likes and doesn’t like, which in return another child may have a different opinion, yet that she is to stay true to herself and accept what feels right and good to herself.

When we teach our children from early on that their opinion counts and that they are respected for who they are even when their likes and dislikes are different from their own parents I feel it is possible to educate our son’s and daughter’s to the fact that TV is simply another ‘visual option’ of choices offered when it comes to looks, wealth and power, as if so someone goes window shopping, or browses through a catalog.

In order to teach children a realistic view about all the pop-culture of TV it is essential to let them understand that the people on the Screen are the people that are actively working in order to earn their ‘daily bread’ in life and are less interested in consuming what is presented by sitting on the couch and eating potato chips.
So, if the TV-Craze gets over your heads, dear parents, I’d suggest you take your children to a restaurant and while being served this delicious food I’d ask my children if they rather work in the kitchen cooking and serving the food, or sitting on the table eating the food, which could be a great analogy of how TV works.

Also, if any of you have access to a Photo Shop program on your home computer (the older version can be downloaded for free meanwhile) scan in a picture of yourself and your child and start remove red eyes, wrinkles, blemishes and pimples etc on your face, smoothen your skin with a big brush selecting your skin tone and set the color to about 11% opacity and brush over your skin to remove the pores, then add some glow and blush on your cheeks and then explain to your children, especially young teenagers that this IS how it is done in order to make someone else ‘look so much better’ than a joe-avarage person in magazines, in order for them to sell their skin products, yet the model that is shown in the magazine is simply another joe-avarage person that chose to make her money by posing for pictures to sell a cosmetic product for example.

It is to get educated and to understand how it is done on TV, in the pop-culture in order to expose the magic tricks that are used to make the rest of the world feel bad, yet only if one chooses to feel bad …. Buy your child a magic trick box, so he/she can learn that what appears a real for an audience is simply hard work, precision and knowledge that is hidden from the rest of us, so we can feel good about something that is meant to be an illusion, or FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY!

Let your inspiration and ideas flow, dear parents when your child comes to you and is so very unhappy that ‘next door neighbors’ grass looks so much greener’.
And most of all, since there are celebrities are finding themselves in traumatic life situations like for example Britney Spears, it proves that being seen on TV doesn’t prevent a person from personal problems, nor does it provide a path to true happiness. Once they understand that all these people ‘as seen on TV’ are simply ordinary people that chose this to be their job, your child may find it also interesting to become a lawyer, doctor, banker, sales clerk, stewardess, butcher, baker, IT-personal, or graphic designer in order to make their money, and hopefully not being hunted down by Paparazzi The beauty of this life is that the possibilities are limited-less and therefore each and every child and person will ultimately find their match to be happy as long as one understands what their true desires and passions are in order to contribute and to give back to this world. This means to do what one loves to do and as ultimately these are the things that one does best. So support your children early on to cultivate their personal talents whether it is something you as parents thought about your child should do, or not. Your children already have ways to show you who they really are, and what they are good at, because they want to do it over and over again. The best thing parents can do for their children is to recognize their talents while providing loving guidance for them to succeed in life with what makes them happy and not what You thought they should do with their life. God gave you a life for you to take care of, as God gave your child his/her life to live and to make choices via free will. God gave all of us the same Gift and it is our duty to respect this God-Given-Gift by respecting each other rather and to stay in our own business. True? Once your children feel the freedom to do whatever they desire to do with their live Pop-Culture TV won’t stand a chance, because they look to themselves for advice and to people that truly and unconditionally love them to accept to hear an opinion and to to gain knowledge. As long as they know they are ‘Your Super Star’ they won’t have to get their fix for love, fame and happiness on TV.

Just an opinion, too.

Love and Light to Everyone,
Yvonne Love.

February 12th, 2008 at 11:13 pm

Kristien Braet says:

I make a point of having meals together with the 5 of us, all though my husband sometimes has to work late. Sometimes the kids come home from school with words they think are cool, a lot of times they don’t even know the correct meaning, so we try to explain them what they mean, that they are used out of there context. I find family very important, spending time together, I learn my kids the meaning of the holidays and we spent them with the extended family. Family values, believe, the meaning of good and wrong, use of a correct language are very important to me. A lot of children in my kids school don’t get those values, they act “cool”, and sometimes they use this as a reason to pick on “our kids” who aren’t cool. I explain to my kids that they shouldn’t bother, because in a way they are “cooler”, they know (we learn them) better. They are brought up with good values.

February 13th, 2008 at 5:39 am

Pam says:

We can’t get rid of pop culture from your children’s minds…nor should we. But what we do have power over is limiting it. We need to find an approptriate balance of values, family and fit in pop culture. Keeping pop culture away from our kids its not real. BUT maintaining a healthy amount is real. What we have to remember as parents, is that we have the first say, the most say and the last say. We are our children’s first teacher and the first guidance that our kids have…are words and thoughts are instilled. Believe in that. The more we deny something to children, the more they want it…give them some pop culture..but put a comfortable cap on it.
:)

February 13th, 2008 at 7:43 am

Dorit Weintraub says:

I would suggest limiting TV- and being VERY careful about what children are watching is one way to “shield them” from TV culture- which is pretty pervasive–
Having rituals or traditions which are meaningful to children and allow them to participate and have FUN make religion something the children identify positively with- and it provides some structures to live by (ex. lighting candles on Friday night or special meals together on Saturday..)–These structures- I think contribute to a sense of security– The focus on making the world a better place- by improving our own selves and doing for others- is how I think religion helps to build values–Rituals alone without menaing foor the children- I feel is empty.
I think the values we impart to our children also come from the many opportunites we have to interact with them…Incidental moments of noticing something or someone and then talking about it–to me are very powerful moments of making impressions…Developing compassion for others, self-control,and a positive outlook on everyday moments make the biggest differences…

February 13th, 2008 at 8:52 am

Malka says:

I’ve noticed that some have already touched this notion somewhat, but I believe it needs more emphasis. Always remember that your action speaks louder than words, that’s right, spending quality time and talking to your children about proper values are good ideas, however, if that beautiful Mercedes or Jaguar etc. passes your sight and you go “wow” you just blew it. Rather act your values and your children with their sensitive antennas with get the message pretty clear.
Good Luck,

BTW, I enjoy your articles immensely, keep it up.

February 13th, 2008 at 9:04 am

Casey Stokes says:

As parents of a kindergartener and both being teachers, we see far too often the negative incluences today’s society has on children both young and old. The younger children are listening to lyrics and bringing it into their everyday language while the older children are playing video games that teach you to kill and do drugs. My husband and I strive each day to spend time and answer questions our daughter has. She asks many questions about why kids say or do things and get into trouble at school. We also spend time together as a family everyday and have special nights of games, reading, and outings. Staying true to our faith through church and actions are extrememly important to us. We know the world will be worse before better and with that we can use ourselves as vessels to help the next generation.

February 13th, 2008 at 10:29 am

Darrell says:

My three children grew up in the late 80s and through the 90s. Its already a different world now compared to then, mainly due to the mass media available.

During supper time, we always had the TV off and talked about whatever was brought up. It could be about somebody’s day, it could be a funny story, it could be sports or the arts. It was always noted that no one could be ridiculed for their comments or topic of discussion.

One of the many things we did for our children was to not allow any pop (soda) drinking until after 4 p.m. each and every day. They could drink water,juice,or milk and they were encouraged to do so. Now that all three are in their 20s, they still maintain the “no pop rule”. As parents, we also followed this rule.

As the children grew older, we always told them to express their farewells or greetings in public and to not feel embarrassed about it…such as a hug and a kiss before leaving. Many of their teen friends were envious of them when they seen this display of family affection.

Another thing we did was to go snowshoeing in the bush and find a place to roast weiners. It served a multitude of purposes;family bonding,excercise,
outdoor cooking skills (for eventual camping).

With young children, family bonding is so important, it has to start from birth and continues. A parent can not wait until the child is almost a teen to start getting involved…well you can try but I’m almost postive that the “pop culture” will be the “parent” and maybe too late to intervene.
When I worked with Young Offenders in the Vancouver,B.C. area, I asked this question almost a thousand times; “If you could live your young life over what three things would you want different?” I then told them to think about it before answering.

The most common answers were…
1. To have more time with the parent or parents.
2. To be disciplined with love and not anger.
3. To be told,”I love you.”

The many many Young Offenders I worked with in that Institution wished for family values that they weren’t taught.

February 13th, 2008 at 11:16 am

Janet says:

As a single mother, a teacher, a student and a leader in my church; I have taught my 5 children to value the virtues. My children like some of the ‘things’ they see but they know to weigh the true value of ‘things’. They volunteer with me at Special Olympics, are involved in our church activities and enjoy sports because of the team atmosphere. Teaching a child that they need others and they are relied on by others, places value on people - not things. They share abilities they were blessed with to help others and they look for the abilities that others can shine with as well. If we are all busy minding our own actions and thoughts, we have no time to deal with the garbage out there.

February 13th, 2008 at 11:20 am

Bubba says:

The best way to teach children this lesson is to believe it yourself and live it. This is not easy, live with one car, without cable TV, tell jokes, don’t go to movies, dress cleanly and simply, be honest, work hard and enjoy it, pray, respect the good in others, need shelter and food not leather seats or air conditioning, understand the difference between wanting something and needing it, cook you own meals, do your own home maintenance, don’t expect perfection, learn to love. Realize that none of this has to do with how much money you make, it has to do with what time of person you are and what you value.

February 13th, 2008 at 12:10 pm

Laura says:

If you always stress to your little ones that faith and family can get you through anything and share examples they will come to know this. Pop culture holds nothing but empty rewards when compared to your family and faith. I have 3 children from the ages of 22, 15, and 6 and they have all faced things I didn’t have to in my early life so it is even more important for family values like faith and togetherness to place first in our life. Even in our small town these pop culture values can cause strife for parents. Hang in there!!

February 13th, 2008 at 12:12 pm

Barbara Gilbert says:

I am so moved by the number of comments that reveal how deeply parents out there are committed to building strong and meaningful relationships with their children. I particularly loved comment number 16 by Mark S. Merritt because of his emphasis is on attachment with our children. I co-facilitate a parenting group for mothers, many of whom have had their children removed temporarily by Child Protective Services, because of allegations (sometimes unfounded) of neglect and/or abuse. Having listened to these mothers for some time now I believe there are deeper issues that subsume the issues of religion and family values. We all want and need strong loving families and meaningful communal connections. Many of us have deep commitments to a religious way of life. The moms that come to me all share these values. However, the differences are, if there are differences, that sometimes in their struggle with overwhelming stresses such as, being a single parent, getting or keeping a job, keeping a roof over their heads, putting food on the table, being caught in an abusive relationship with a partner from which they cannot easily extract themselves, and last but not least, the reality that they themselves were subjected to too much abuse and neglect as children, too often then, their children get caught in the turbulent back water of these stresses. I think the reality is that many, if not most, of us are vulnerable to being abusive or neglectful of our children if we are under enough of those stresses. The challenge is to keep ourselves focused in a compassionate way so that we continue to relate to our children out of love, not fear. We need to remember that much of what we find distasteful or threatening about “Pop Culture” is about young people crying out in rage, or grief, or both, that enough of the meaningful connections and nurturing they yearned for as children was not available to them when they were small, through no fault of their own. I want to refer you all to an incredible parenting book, Children and Grownups are Different: A Book for Grownups Who May Have Forgotten About Being a kid, available free on line by Sandra L. Bloom, M.D. To find it go to http://www.sanctuaryweb.com/Documents/Parenting%20points.pdf . or go to www.sanctuaryweb.com then go to Contents and scroll way down to Documents/Parenting points.pdf which is right under Attachment & Trauma. Another website besides this one, that has excellent supportive material - www.beyondconsequences.com
As adults, as parents,we are all accountable for our actions now – no matter what nightmares we may be experiencing in the present, or have come from in the past. Building a network of love and compassion, relating / parenting out of love, not fear is an on-going challenge for all of us. May we all join together to support each other in this process and be blessed with success.

February 13th, 2008 at 12:35 pm

Da says:

I see so many good things above this, and I don’t presume to expand on them; but I offer my observations. One way to counterweight is to live a good example for them, and instill the value that they should try to influence more than be influenced. Not influencing through elitism or bombast, but living out of simple, deep respect for self and others (which requires love). We must earn & keep a place as the prime source of moral authority in their lives. Also, it recently occurred to us that children often enjoy a lot of love from us, but also we should show how to *be* loving - the little sweetnesses of touch and favors done, and thoughtfulness. The power of love demonstrated in a positive way.

February 13th, 2008 at 1:42 pm

ruth mallia says:

Personally, I find that the easiest way to pass on these values is by setting an example yourself as a parent. I am mum to a five year old boy. I constantly ask myself, ‘where do my priorities lie? do they lie in the material things? do I transmit the message to my son that materialistic things are more important that him or me??̵


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