Yell at Your Kids in the Afteroon… but Not in the Mornings!
Yell at your kids in the afternoon, but…
… NOT in the mornings!
This week, we are going to incorporate a new habit into our lives. The purpose of this particular habit is to make our children’s living more pleasant and to give them the emotional tools that they need to develop and maintain healthy and happy relationships.
Let us begin with the premise that the morning sets the tone remainder of the day. We all know that ‘waking up on the wrong side of the bed’ can forecast the beginning of a troublesome day, so the opposite must hold true as well: a pleasant morning will foretell the wonderful afternoon that is ahead!
Before you call Child Protection Services about RaisingSmallsouls’ promotion of yelling at your children in the afternoons, read on!
This year, in 2008, we are making real, lasting changes. Like losing weight, mining for gold, or mastering a musical instrument, all things of value take time. (Granted, that is a difficult concept in this instant-day-and-age!)
Thus, the title ‘Yell at Your Kids in the Afternoon’ is not actually condoning screaming in the afteroons; rather it is a provocative statement meant to draw you towards the concept of creating happier mornings. (Ok, you knew that- however it needed to be stated in order to deter lawsuits!)
For the rest of this month, RaisingSmallSouls parents are going to actively create a joyful morning atmosphere in their homes.
Here a couple of ‘Rise & Shine’ ideas to get you and your children off to a brighter start!
1) Create a hot breakfast meal together: Have your children help you make blueberry pancakes, whole-grain waffles, or a berry-and-milk-smoothie.
2) Tell a story from your childhood: My children’s favorites are the ones about losing my passport in a foreign country and capsizing in a rowboat. (I suppose hearing about Mom being in a vulnerable situation is always a hit!)
3) Using old magazines and photos of your child create a collage together. Themes like sports, favorite things, and places we want to visit are just a few of the many sources of inspiration you can use for this simple yet memorable project.
4) Institute a ‘calm voices’ rule for the mornings. Define when the morning period ends- perhaps when breakfast is over, beds are made, or school starts. Feel free to say, after a tennis ball has shattered your lamp, “I’m feeling upset, so I’m going in to my room alone for a few minutes to calm down so that I don’t shout at you.” What a wonderful message you will be sharing about controlling outbursts!
This week we are ‘doing good’ and ‘straying from bad’ in the mornings: No raised voices, and more joint fun activities.
Share what has worked for you below, and MAKE IT A GREAT DAY
All very good ideas! I’m a working mom as well, so I don’t have time to cook in the morning either. A point I would like to make is that sometimes we underestimate how much our kids can actually do. If you talk to them and actually ask them for help in the mornings, you’d be surprised at the positive response you’ll get. Kids are always willing to show you how “grown up” they are. When I found myself running late in the mornings, I sat down with both my kids, one is 6 and the other is 15, and I told them I needed help. Between the three of us we came up with ways that we can save time. I decided to take showers at night instead of the morning. I also pack my lunches for the week on Sunday night. Usually I just bring microwavable lunches and put them in the work fridge. I make sure we have quick breakfast foods, such as high protein breakfast bars, yogurt and granola or instant oatmeal. My 6 year old son decided to start putting out his clothes at night. He decides what to wear the night before, including socks and underwear, and puts them at the end of his bed. I also taught him how to do his hair so that he can do it in the mornings. He enjoys being prepared and organized and it makes him feel grown up. My 15 year old refuses to take showers at night, so she just decided to wake up 1/2 hour earlier. Her jobs are to bring mom coffee (She’s up before me and it helps me wake up.
and start the car 5 min. before we leave. It’s amazing how just a couple things can save a ton of time!
This article came just in time. I usually do not post comments, but I felt the timing of my reading this and the morning I have endured was more than just a coincidence. I am still at a loss when it takes my child twenty minutes to get up from bed and another ten minutes to walk two feet to the bathroom, and another ten minutes of getting dressed, ……etc. etc. until we are left with one minute to get to the bus stop all the way down the block.
Li i – - My Sympathies for you – and your daughter!
- When I was a Teen there were many A.M.s when I was the ‘Morning Dead’ but as a younger child I woke up much more alert. A Teen’s body goes through a lot of changes, and their Social Life / Education become much more complex. I couldn’t fall asleep at night and this may be why I woke up tired.
There are always REASONS behind these things, but it takes some thinking to get to the bottom of things. I would suggest DISCUSSION with your daughter, with the idea of being helpful & sincerely interested in her feelings / experience. Maybe even share this website and its helpful ideas with her …
If all else fails, make sure that she has her annual check-up with Dr. and gets to discuss these things – or else counselling. She might be having trouble at school, or with friends, or she might be in the middle of a growth spurt!
Good Luck!
Julie, if you are still wondering how to stop yelling, may I suggest taking as many parent education classes as you can. There you will learn so many ways on how to control yourself, as well as effective parenting skills. Not all parenting classes are the same, so look for at least one where you will feel comfortable and above all, where you feel that you are getting the help that you need. I strongly suggest familyoutreachclba.org… I’m sure that Ellen can also help you with the problems that you face. Best wishes
One thing my 9 year old and I do is to take 5 minutes in the “Loving Chair” in the morning. We call out “Loving Chair” and both run to the recliner in the living room. I hold her and we talk about whatever–dreams from the night before, her concerns, whatever. I cuddle her and kiss her and it’s safe, happy time. It sets the tone for the day for both of us. It’s not that our mornings aren’t crazy getting an ADHD daughter and an ADD husband out the door but this just sets the tone for a happy day and helps us remember what family love is all about.
Heidi & Debbie – Everyone – You are truly INSPIRATIONAL ! Not only Great Ideas, but Loving Follow-Thro.
We all Cope Much Better when we FEEL that LOVE is the ‘baseline’ from which our Family is operating from.
I don’t read much these days, but have a quote from Milton Mayeroff that speaks to this:
In the context of a man’s life, caring has a way of ordering his other values and activities around it. When this ordering is comprehensive, because of the inclusiveness of his caring, there is a basic stability in his life; he is “in place” in the world, instead of being out of place, or merely drifting or endlessly seeking his place. Through caring for certain others, by serving them through caring, a man lives in the meaning of his own life. In the sense in which a man can ever be said to be at home in the world, he is at home not through dominating, or explaining, or appreciating, but through caring and being cared for.
yes, ‘Love is not always Enough’ – but it’s a solid foundation to start from. JL