Comments on: Yell at Your Kids in the Afteroon… but Not in the Mornings!

By: Michi

Michi — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 15:40:42 +0000

I think a lot of the ideas here are great for parents who have the time to implement them. But if you household is like ours in the morning…patience tends to run thin! But I firmly believe if my kids leave with a smile on their face it sets the mood for their day.

I remember my mother waking me up even through high school with a smile, a kiss, a flower or something very loving…of course when I was a teen it was irritating but I now know that was the best of best ways to start the day!

By: reader mom

reader mom — Tue, 05 May 2009 18:18:54 +0000

Here is what worked for me: Everybody has to be dressed to come to the breakfast table and I read aloud while they get eat. If anyone stops doing either, I stop reading. Most days I read for twenty minutes (time enough to feed the little one). We all walk out the door calm and ready for the next day. I have read all the Edward Eager novels this way and the Little House series. The kids know I will start reading without them if they don’t get to the table. We do backpacks the night before so all we have to do is brush teeth and walk out the door.

By: Jo-Anne

Jo-Anne — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 00:57:06 +0000

Heidi & Debbie – Everyone – You are truly INSPIRATIONAL ! Not only Great Ideas, but Loving Follow-Thro.

We all Cope Much Better when we FEEL that LOVE is the ‘baseline’ from which our Family is operating from.

I don’t read much these days, but have a quote from Milton Mayeroff that speaks to this:

In the context of a man’s life, caring has a way of ordering his other values and activities around it. When this ordering is comprehensive, because of the inclusiveness of his caring, there is a basic stability in his life; he is “in place” in the world, instead of being out of place, or merely drifting or endlessly seeking his place. Through caring for certain others, by serving them through caring, a man lives in the meaning of his own life. In the sense in which a man can ever be said to be at home in the world, he is at home not through dominating, or explaining, or appreciating, but through caring and being cared for.

yes, ‘Love is not always Enough’ – but it’s a solid foundation to start from. JL

By: Debbie

Debbie — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 00:23:12 +0000

One thing my 9 year old and I do is to take 5 minutes in the “Loving Chair” in the morning. We call out “Loving Chair” and both run to the recliner in the living room. I hold her and we talk about whatever–dreams from the night before, her concerns, whatever. I cuddle her and kiss her and it’s safe, happy time. It sets the tone for the day for both of us. It’s not that our mornings aren’t crazy getting an ADHD daughter and an ADD husband out the door but this just sets the tone for a happy day and helps us remember what family love is all about.

By: Fernando(Parent Educator)

Fernando(Parent Educator) — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 03:57:33 +0000

Julie, if you are still wondering how to stop yelling, may I suggest taking as many parent education classes as you can. There you will learn so many ways on how to control yourself, as well as effective parenting skills. Not all parenting classes are the same, so look for at least one where you will feel comfortable and above all, where you feel that you are getting the help that you need. I strongly suggest familyoutreachclba.org… I’m sure that Ellen can also help you with the problems that you face. Best wishes

By: Jo-Anne

Jo-Anne — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 23:54:16 +0000

Dear Muppe

INCREDIBLE situation. Sounds like you are overwhelmed – which I can sympathize with!
Organization the night before is KEY to coping here.
Plus, getting kids to help in whatever specific way Really helps.
I wd start by having a MEETING with children to discuss the a.m. routine … let them know what you see are Problems in the a.m. & get their ideas on how to solve them, including SPECIFICS of what they are prepared to do … lunches / clothing / showers etc.
- Prep. the Night Before helps a great deal, and just having them be aware of the Problem, Setting Goals for their Own Behavior, and working as a TEAM & to Help Mom.
- ie, let them take some Responsibility for having A.M.s run Smoother – pride of Accomplishment will follow.
- MEET at the end of the week to reassess if you had a better week because of their efforts … and consider a special Treat = REWARD. Part of the ‘Reward’ can be as simple as your PRAISE for their effort – esp. acknowledging individual efforts too.

I hope you have an adequate “Support Network” for you & family … if not, work at improving it – Teachers / Counsellors / Family / Friends / Church … a single working Mother of 4 is a lot to handle – you are no good to yourself or kids if you get Totally Burned Out.

Sincere Best Wisehs! Jo

By: Jo-Anne

Jo-Anne — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 22:26:26 +0000

Li i – - My Sympathies for you – and your daughter!

- When I was a Teen there were many A.M.s when I was the ‘Morning Dead’ but as a younger child I woke up much more alert. A Teen’s body goes through a lot of changes, and their Social Life / Education become much more complex. I couldn’t fall asleep at night and this may be why I woke up tired.

There are always REASONS behind these things, but it takes some thinking to get to the bottom of things. I would suggest DISCUSSION with your daughter, with the idea of being helpful & sincerely interested in her feelings / experience. Maybe even share this website and its helpful ideas with her …

If all else fails, make sure that she has her annual check-up with Dr. and gets to discuss these things – or else counselling. She might be having trouble at school, or with friends, or she might be in the middle of a growth spurt!

Good Luck!

By: Frustrated in LI

Frustrated in LI — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 12:53:40 +0000

This article came just in time. I usually do not post comments, but I felt the timing of my reading this and the morning I have endured was more than just a coincidence. I am still at a loss when it takes my child twenty minutes to get up from bed and another ten minutes to walk two feet to the bathroom, and another ten minutes of getting dressed, ……etc. etc. until we are left with one minute to get to the bus stop all the way down the block.

By: Heidi

Heidi — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:42:44 +0000

All very good ideas! I’m a working mom as well, so I don’t have time to cook in the morning either. A point I would like to make is that sometimes we underestimate how much our kids can actually do. If you talk to them and actually ask them for help in the mornings, you’d be surprised at the positive response you’ll get. Kids are always willing to show you how “grown up” they are. When I found myself running late in the mornings, I sat down with both my kids, one is 6 and the other is 15, and I told them I needed help. Between the three of us we came up with ways that we can save time. I decided to take showers at night instead of the morning. I also pack my lunches for the week on Sunday night. Usually I just bring microwavable lunches and put them in the work fridge. I make sure we have quick breakfast foods, such as high protein breakfast bars, yogurt and granola or instant oatmeal. My 6 year old son decided to start putting out his clothes at night. He decides what to wear the night before, including socks and underwear, and puts them at the end of his bed. I also taught him how to do his hair so that he can do it in the mornings. He enjoys being prepared and organized and it makes him feel grown up. My 15 year old refuses to take showers at night, so she just decided to wake up 1/2 hour earlier. Her jobs are to bring mom coffee (She’s up before me and it helps me wake up. and start the car 5 min. before we leave. It’s amazing how just a couple things can save a ton of time!

By: Inez

Inez — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 04:44:12 +0000

Peaceful mornings are a must in my home. I have triplet girls age 9 and twin girls age 13 and I love waking them all with kisses and a gental stroke to thier heads… soft words of love and kindness go a long way and sets the tone for the morning.

By: Muppe Glick

Muppe Glick — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 04:28:46 +0000

Any real working morning idea for those who have 4 or more kids to get ready in the morning (including needing to nurse one)?

By: Jacinta

Jacinta — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 17:02:38 +0000

I have three kids, 2, 10, and 14… I think I have hit all the hard stages at once! ) My ten year old has Tourettes Syndrome and they are many challenges to that. I really like this idea and I totally agree with it! I have noticed that no matter if it is a hot breakfast or a rushed morning it doesn’t matter. What matters is my reaction to it all. If I am excited about cereal… they will be too… if I make a game out of being rushed… you know pretend to be a dinasaur for the little one and for the older ones be Hannah Montana… ) We have a lot of fun here! My husband is never home and travels because of the military… He is in Iraq right now so just a word of encouragement to all of you moms out there. Its not what we feed them or how much time we have it is what we do with that time that matters to these little ones or bigger ones! I don’t do this in my own strength.. God is next to me helping me through it all my prayer is that he does the same for all of you! Make this a wonderful year ladies!

By: Naomi

Naomi — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 12:31:40 +0000

More realistic than pancakes in the morning is some oatmeal (whole grain is best) or cream of wheat. They both take about 6 min to make and don’t require any flipping!

By: Julie

Julie — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 08:34:09 +0000

The question is ‘ How do we stop yelling ???’ , any effective plan of action ???????
This is my goal everyday , but …..I wish I could control myself , how do you do it??????

By: Fernando(Parent Educator)

Fernando(Parent Educator) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 02:23:42 +0000

When I was a child, one of the persons that I FEARED the most, was my father. He had a terrible habit of always yelling at us(morning, afternoon and night). Long story short, I grew up hating my father for this and many other things, but especially the yelling. Reading Ellen’s newsletter about making pancakes in the morning reminded me of somthing that I had forgotten about. I remember waking up one morning and my father was making pancakes. He smiled at me and asked me if I would like some pancakes for breakfast and I said yes. I’m 35 yrs. old now and to this day, although I feared and hated my father for many years, this is one of the sweetest memories of my childhood and above all, the reason for why I now love my father very much. What a difference something like this can make on a childes life. Thanks Ellen for reminding me of this and for all that you have written about. To those parents reading this, please don’t yell at your kids. You WILL suffer the consequences.

By: Jo-Anne

Jo-Anne — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 20:51:42 +0000

Some Really Good Ideas there, Moms!
Esp. the “Do It The Night Before” stuff … to which I added (successfully for the most part)

- SET the TABLE (sometimes creatively) the night before – including the cereal box / fruit etc.
- Clothes, Lunches & Schoolbooks Ready also.

As the evening (after child has gone to bed) is MY time of the Day … I set up these things LOVINGLY & creatively so that breakfast-morning is an INTERESTING time of day.
- Sometimes leave Notes & Drawings on table too – Incl. Practical Reminders of appts. etc.

-MUST acknowledge that ‘Different Strokes for Different Blokes’ applies to any A.M. Routine due to different AGES/STAGES & NUMBERS of kids in family.

**** Evening Before PREP, Established Routine & AGREED-TO RULES of CONDUCT *****

can make 90 per cent of our mornings SUCCESSFUL, leaving less to Chance. Jo

By: Teresa

Teresa — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 20:40:05 +0000

There is a scientific basis for this as well. When we yell, or are yelled at, we revert to our limbic system and creates the “fight or flight” we’ve all heard of. When we are thinking in our limbic system, we cannot function as well for several minutes, even hours. Setting a good example for the kids is the best way to get them to do what we’d like.

By: Megan

Megan — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 19:32:24 +0000

I’m definitely going to be trying to implement some of these ideas into my own day in the hopes of making 2009 a little more peaceful. I’m a single mom to 5 children (oldest is 7, youngest is 4 months) and we certainly need some change to cut down on the grumpiness (on my part) and irritability (on my children’s part). Thanks!

By: Christy

Christy — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 19:27:32 +0000

I can say this all sounds like it is written from a homeschooling stay at home Mom….I’m a working Mom of three children 11, 9, and 7 that go to public school. I have to be out the door and totally ready to go by 730-745am everyday…so the idea of waking up at around 5am just to cook a hot breakfast isn’t really on my to-do list for the day. Most of the time the reason my kids get yelled at in the morning is because they are goofing around and not getting ready instead they are sitting on the floor of their room staring into outter space like they have been for the last 20 min. completely oblivious to the fact that now they have totally blown the time for eating that morning. We had to implement a policy that you have to totally be ready to walk out the door BEFORE you can eat breakfast…sort of a motivator to get ready. Trust me–they only have to go hungry one time. That really eliminated a lot of morning stress now they get ready because they want to eat. I read a comment earlier about consequences and children have to learn that there are consequences for actions–whether positive or negative–this is one way to teach them not only being responsible for themselves–but consequences for actions—time management skills–and teaching them to take care of themselves–things that are quite helpful in life. My goal as a parent is to raise up God serving responsible—ready to live on their own adults. Therefore my kids do laundry, clean bathrooms, dishes, vacuum, every household responsibility they share in….all having the goal of preparing them for “real life”. I think some of what is said above is not “real life” for working Mom’s anyway. When I stayed at home when they were little this advice was perfect! I DO agree that yelling in the morning is not good—and we should all try our best to send our kids off to school with the best attitudes….helps the day go better!

By: Be An Effective Parent: Don’t Yell In The Morning! | Parenting Blog

Be An Effective Parent: Don’t Yell In The Morning! | Parenting Blog — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 09:42:10 +0000

[...] Now I’m all for a “joyful morning atmosphere”, but some of her other “Rise and Shine” ideas, like making blueberry pancakes WITH the kids, is downright impossible in my household on school days. Like my husband, my daughter is a zombie for at least the first hour upon waking, so the idea of baking at 6.00 a.m. would probably solicit more yelling from me anyway. But she does make a good point in saying that: “Let us begin with the premise that the morning sets the tone remainder of the day. We all know that ‘waking up on the wrong side of the bed’ can forecast the beginning of a troublesome day, so the opposite must hold true as well: a pleasant morning will foretell the wonderful afternoon that is ahead!” Share and Enjoy:These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. [...]

By: VICKIE MILAD

VICKIE MILAD — Fri, 02 May 2008 17:45:14 +0000

i have been reading many of these wonderful pointers for parents to do at home in the morning for everyone to have a better day. i do everything possible the night before, which helps out soooo… much. one of the most important things i do with my children in the morning before they go to school is prayer for a hedge of protection around all of us and i believe the yelling in the morning is real bad for the rest of the day. keep the peace in your home, it is not always easy but find out what works for you. i like the sweater shelf idea that seems like it would be a big help. i’m glad i read all these wonderful ideas and i do recommend two books; “the strong willed child” and “dare to discpline.” hope they help you as they have me.

By: Camille

Camille — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 17:36:38 +0000

Oh, yeah — lemme share what I did about two screaming hormonal daughters in the mornings. I became Atilla the Mom. Scream about the curling iron? It goes into time out and you don’t get to use it. Scream about who gets into the bathroom first? Go to school w/o a shower today (it won’t kill them!). Scream about anything else, and you lose that privilege or item for awhile. B*tch and wine about breakfast? Don’t eat it!

Before you tell me that CPS will get you if you don’t let your child bathe or eat, let me tell you that you’re wrong. You are obliged to give them basics of survival. Curling irons, “goodies,” cute clothes, etc. are PRIVILEGES, not rights. Sometimes we just plain spoil our kids and turn them into overprivileged divas who are hard to live with and make others’ lives easier. If a child cannot show respect to herself, to me and to others, then she does not deserve privileges.

I ended up removing my eldest daughter’s bedroom door when she slammed it one time too many. Privacy is a privilege.

They shaped up — or maybe they outgrew it — but life calmed down at my house. The Love & Logic program helped me learn to set natural consequences to their actions, and enforce them without yelling myself. I highly recommend it.

By: Camille

Camille — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 17:29:58 +0000

My suggestion for happy mornings is to go to Flylady.net and follow her instructions! If you have a good morning routine — if your before-bedtime routine got your clothes laid out, stuff placed by the front door (or in the car) for the morning commute … if you get up 15 minutes before your family and get yourself organized … if you declutter your home … all her basic ideas — then your mornings will be much sweeter.

Also, I like the idea of breakfast. It’s worth getting up a half hour earlier to have a real meal. With kids who are running hither and yon in the evenings to lessons adn practice and friends’ homes, etc., it’s hard to have dinner together. Even a couple of family breakfasts a week can make a big difference. The dining table (breakfast table, breakfast bar, etc.) is a place to connect with your kids.

You don’t have to make blueberry pancakes or whatever. You can eat cornflakes and bananas, or string cheese and bagels and peanutbutter and OJ … doeson’t matter. What does mattter is the slowing down, reconnecting, and taking a moment to celebrate your family-ness.

By: g

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 02:03:38 +0000

I agree pancakes in the morning would be Terrific, One question is Aunt Jamima coming to make them?
I have made it a habit to lay out clothes at night, have my 7 yr old make her lunch and we have a routine I say clothes and she names every piece she has laid out. Then says Check. I say lunch she says check, I say back pack she says check, then off to shower at 8 bed by 9! Its up to her if she gets TV time after her bath. And NO TV in the morning! I get up get her up NO talking to her! Bring her her olvatine and leave the room! I get ready, feed horses, load the Jeep and come back and brush my teeth (1 way to sneek to see if her toothbrush has been used and see if she is ready)!
I have learned the Fish Face! When she sees that she says Sorry Mommy!
See you can teach an old dog new tricks!

By: Chaya

Chaya — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 20:36:28 +0000

To Racheal:

I sucked my thumb until I was 12. Nothing my mother tried to do would help. Eventually, when I was ready, I stopped. And no, I did not need braces because of it, even though almost everyone told me I would.

I suggest you just give your son a lot of time and love. Find out what’s the CAUSE of this. Maybe he feels insecure, unloved and is reverting back to nursing?? Just a thought.